I have bipolar and so can you!

I'm a 26 y/o queer person who was recently diagnosed with bipolar type 2. This blog is for me to talk about my journey through learning to manage my symptoms as well as share resources for others who might also need a little help. They/them/their. **I am in no way a medical professional and this blog should not replace an actual treatment plan for anyone.

[soft-butch-cassidy]

doing anything is hard when you’re depressed but sitting around in apathy ain’t gonna help. get the fuck up. seriously. do one thing. open the curtains. dust your monitor. throw away those leftovers in the fridge from last week. clean the bathroom sink. its an ocean of bullshit and you need to swim. break the cycle of misery and guilt and apathy so you can get better. its hard. do it anyway. recovery starts with breaking the cycle. baby steps, but steps.

[takeachillquill]

Ask yourself: what’s good about this moment right now? Is the sun out? Can you hear birds? Are you drinking coffee? Can you smell freshly cut grass? Is your bed soft and warm? These little things are oh so precious and yet seem so arbitrary.

[autistic-bipolar-psychotic]

Shout out to mentally ill people who dropped out of school

- shout out to the kids who were “so bright” and ‘heading somewhere” and had to drop out because school was too much to handle along with mental illness

- shout out to the kids who struggled to get where they got before they dropped out

- shout out to the kids who tried and tried and tried and still couldn’t finish

you aren’t unintelligent because you dropped out of school, you aren’t a delinquent or a bad person because you dropped out of school, just because you did what you had to doesn’t make you a bad person

[bipolarwhatinthewhat]

Lithium update

So I’ve been on Lithium since the 11th. I took a half dose for 4 days and then bumped up to my full dose. This is the start of my third week on it, so I’ll start to really feel the effects of it, soon. I also just got my blood drawn so they can make sure my lithium levels are good.

One of the first things I noticed when I started taking it was how thirsty I was. I already drank a fair amount of water, but I’ve practically doubled the amount I drink. It makes sense since lithium is a salt, but they really aren’t kidding when they say you’re gonna drink more water.

I started feeling a little more level within a week, though I’m not sure if I was just being optimistic or if the meds are working for me. This weekend was super rough, but meds aren’t supposed to make you happy, just make you more even. And while the weekend was rough, beyond crying in the shower and needing affection from friends, I felt like my reactions to it were okay.

Some of the more negative side effects I’ve felt are hand tremors and mild confusion. Both of those are pretty transient, so I’m not worried. The worst thing the confusion has done is make me take a little longer to process what’s going on.

My face has been breaking out more than usual, which is another side effect of lithium, but it’s not super bad. I’ve also gained weight, but again, not too bad.

So there are some definite drawbacks to the medicine, but honestly, I feel more level than I have in a long time. I feel genuinely happy without feeling over-the-top. It feels nice. I hope this keeps working for me.

[bipolarwhatinthewhat]

catmom1999 replied to your post “So one of the things I’ve been struggling with to the point where...”

yes, the self-love can be the hardest part for us. visualize yourself as a younger you, and ask yourself does that little kid deserve that treatment? or is that kid all that bad? visualise giving that child(you) the hug you needed but didnt get.

This is a really good way to practice self love. It’s one of the tricks I use to stop being so hard on myself. I picture my Negative Voice saying all this stuff to my Inner Kid and it can help me realize that I’m being unnecessarily cruel to myself. It’s a good step to take for sure!

[bipolarwhatinthewhat]

Your bipolar diagnosis is not a death sentence

It doesn’t mean the end of your life as you know it. It doesn’t mean the end of your dreams. It just means that life is going to change and that you might have to do things a little differently. It might mean medications, therapy, learning how to do things all over again in healthy ways. It might mean cutting things out of your life like alcohol and things that trigger episodes in you. But all of that is okay. 

I was feeling a little lonely earlier about my disorder because it can feel very isolating and there’s a bit of an unfair stigma on on people who have the disorder. I started trying to look up bipolar disorder and lithium in pop culture (both Nirvana and Evanescence have songs entitled Lithium) and it led me to a list of people who have bipolar disorder. 

A lot of people I admire are on that list. A lot of successful people are on that list. Some people were diagnosed early in life, before their careers, and some people later. And many of them are still alive and thriving today. 

All this to say, don’t give up and try not to get discouraged by your diagnosis. 

[bipolarwhatinthewhat]

Personal Update

Sorry for the lack of updates on this blog! I’ve been going through a rough patch where I was rapid cycling and having a hard time focusing on anything. It came to a head on Friday night/Saturday morning when I found myself in a CrisisCare facility. It was an awful experience, but it ended up being good because I now have a prescription for lithium and an appointment for a psychiatrist. Best part is- because I’m unemployed and uninsured, it’s free to me. The local services in town have been absolutely life saving, and I’m really excited to start a proper medication.

My first dose of lithium was earlier this evening, so we’ll see how it goes. I’m a bit nervous because there are side effects, but I think it’ll all be okay.

Anyway, I hope to be more active on this blog now. I do accept asks and submissions, so feel free to contribute to the conversation if you ever want to!

[shingagames]

Took a screenshot of Pokemon Go being really buggy earlier

This message right here is exactly what a dissociative episode feels like

[oneman-wolfpackk]

I know you’re tired bitch but keep fucking going

[stigmafreev-blog]

Grounding is a great technique when you feel that anxiety and panic coming on. When you are ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. If you feel disconnected from the world around you. It can help you stay in the moment

[anexperimentallife]

Hey, eat your pills and also some food (if you have food). Nutritious stuff is best, of course, but do what you can.

Drink some water.

Move your body around some if you are able. (Don’t overdo it.)

Think of at least three things you like about yourself. They don’t have to be big things.

If you can get out under that bright shiny ball of fire in the sky for a bit without fucking yourself up, try and do that for a little bit.

That shit you keep meaning to do? Appointments, shopping, whatever? Try to get through at least one step of it. You’ll feel like a fucking superhero.

Reward yourself by doing something that makes you happy. If nothing can make you happy today, try something that USUALLY makes you happy. Watch a Star War or meme something or whatever normally gets your rocks off.

Counting your own breaths while imagining yourself in the most peaceful fucking place you can think of is a great way to calm down if you’re able to focus enough to do so.

Is your mood shitty? I’m sorry to hear that, friend, and I hope you feel better soon, but that’s no excuse to be shitty to other people, dig? If you’re shitty to someone who didn’t deserve it, fucking apologize. Mental illness might be the reason you went off, but it’s not an excuse.

If you didn’t/couldn’t do some or any of the above today, there’s always tomorrow.

However much things might suck right now, THIS MOMENT IS NOT FOREVER.

[positive-mh-recovery]

[bipolarwhatinthewhat]

Bullet Journals for Mental Health pt 2

As I said in part one, tracking things like sleep and mood can be really beneficial to managing mental health. This post is going to be more about the actual journaling bit.

So, for those that have been scratching your heads going “what in the heck is a bullet journal?”, here’s a cool video from the individual who created this method of journaling that gives an explanation as to what it is and how to get started:

For those who prefer the written word, check out this page on getting started. That webpage goes along with the video, so even if you watch the video, you might find that page helpful as well.

Buzzfeed actually put out a good article about bullet journaling that includes how to start, what to put in it, and it has prettier pictures (bullet journals can be as fancy or as minimalistic as you’d like- that’s half the fun!)

That article actually shows a really good example of what I touched on earlier- the monthly tracker. [I really wanted to add a photo, but tumblr is saying nah. Check out the Buzzfeed article, point #12 to see what I mean]

You can use it to track habits (like taking medicine! or doing chores!), moods, water intake, anything! There’s variations on that particular spread to fit just about anything you want it to fit. I liked to use one of habits (which is a great motivator for when you’re feeling super depressed. I used to include things like brush teeth and take shower and do laundry to help keep me accountable), one for water intake (because I never seem to drink enough water), and one for moods. I’ve seen where some people also track spending (good for people who are trying to budget or trying to keep themselves accountable when they go on spending sprees during [hypo]manic phases) or sex or periods or what have you.

Pinterest is an absolute goldmine for finding ideas for spreads. Bullet journal is often shortened to “bujo” or called “dot journaling”, so keep that in mind if you decide to search for things. Here’s a search page result for mood trackers, habit trackers, monthly trackers, water intake trackers, and spending trackers. The possibilities are endless.

I honestly recommend looking around at different spreads and even coming up with some of your own if you think this is something that is for you. The reason I love this method of journaling is because it’s a creative outlet and it’s so very flexible. There’s something grounding to me about sitting down for 10 minutes at the end of the day and just filling in things in my journal. It also helps me remember things, which is hard to do when I’m cycling. And! As an added bonus, any time I show a therapist my journal, they get really impressed with it. And this is coming from someone that has a very difficult time sticking with things for more than a couple days. I managed to stick with this for months before my breakdown.

[bipolarwhatinthewhat]

Bullet Journals for Mental Health pt 1

So, one of the things my therapist told me to do was track my sleep cycle and my moods. Admittedly, I am really bad at being super gung-ho about these sort of things when I’m feeling pretty good (usually when I’m hypomanic, ngl), and then forgetting about them or not having the will to do them when I’m depressed or even just no longer hypomanic.

Anyway, there is a lot of benefit to tracking those things because sleep is very much tied to bipolar disorder. If you notice you’re not getting enough sleep or sleeping way too much, it can be an indicator that you’re about to enter into a hypomanic/manic stage or a depressed stage. Tracking your mood throughout the day/week/month can also be helpful because it can also serve as an early indicator as well as help you find patterns to your cycling. Tracking those things also helps you remember how things went during the week when you talk to your therapist, especially if you’re like me and the days all kind of run together or you just forget things easily.

When I had my diagnosis of depression/anxiety, I used to track my moods using the bullet journal technique. I actually kind of fell in love with bullet journaling during that time, as it is a really flexible method and super quick to do once you get yourself set up. I stopped journaling when I was voluntarily put into an inpatient program (because I prefer to write in pencil and they only provided pens, and it upset me), and because I hadn’t done it every single day, it got dropped from my routine.

Anyway, I’m about to get back into bullet journaling, so I thought I might share the idea with you all in case you hadn’t heard of it or whatever. This post is getting kinda long, so I’ll put more information in another post about what bullet journaling is, how to get started, where to find information, etc.

[bipolarwhatinthewhat]

Hey all!

Sorry that it’s been a bit of radio silence on my end. I ended up making this blog when I was sort of manic, and then didn’t have the will to do much with it when my depression inevitably hit. I’m about to work on some resource posts, though, and queue up some things so yay!

Also there’s 10 of you! That’s super duper cool! Please feel free to send stuff to my inbox if you want to talk about stuff or if you have suggestions for things that I should post.

[feministism]

[uchanda]

therapist: how was your week?

me: mm.. i can’t remember