As I promised once a long time ago, I would return to this blog to finish that one story I’d started, and which held such a dear place in my heart, and my task has been completed. I wanna thank those of you who, even after nearly two years of being inactive in this blog, have stuck with me for some reason; I cannot really put into words how much that means to me; you are angels and I love you. To those who have moved on from the content I posted and have unfollowed: you were once here with me, and I really appreciate that so much, so thank you. To my lovely mutuals who are 95% inactive, and the other 5% were kind enough to not break mutuals, this is my psa to let you know you can unfollow, since I will not post anything else here anymore. I wish you all, happy, healthy lives and a happy new year!!
I will be posting content here from now on, mutuals and non-mutuals, in case you’re interested in staying in touch , but if it’s content you’re not interested in, I will understand ♡
For the first few minutes you almost burned holes through the doorknob, staring, waiting for it to turn and the door to swing open without a warning like he’d grown the habit of doing, a few weeks into moving in with him. But given the situation, you knew it was unlikely to happen.
It hadn’t taken long for him to come down from the roof after you; in the silence of your home, even the slightest sound could be perceived, and the door clicking shut almost inaudibly wasn’t something that you missed. He never entered your room however.
Your heart raced when you heard his heavy footsteps outside your room, the sound of his worn-out converse against the parquet echoing the walls; and then again the noises he made when he started, you guessed, rearranging the mess that was still the place when you reentered again after your encounter on the rooftop, which was something that no matter how hard you tried to shoo away from your mind, still came back running. You couldn’t escape it, and you’d have to face it eventually. As a grown woman it was about time you started facing your battles properly, and locking yourself in your room wasn’t exactly the right way to do so; but where was it written that grown women can’t have a short time out to think things through?
And lord knows you needed it.
The fact of the matter was, that Calum had showed you, yet again, a more vulnerable side of him mere moments ago, where in his eyes you could see the desperation when he asked you to stay. But whatever nice words or gestures he could come up with didn’t change the fact that he’d ignored you for so long like an immature little shit, nor the fact that he’d instantly jumped to the conclusion that you would go back running to Brody as soon as he showed up again, just because he offered you some bullshit promises that you knew for sure he wasn’t going to keep.
It almost felt as if everything you’d shared with Calum in the moments since you’d moved in had been nothing but superficial; where the long talks and looks shared were but a mere fantasy and nothing truly deep had actually come out of it. It couldn’t really be any other way when he was behaving that way.
Sighing heavily, you turned around in your bed again, facing the wall when you started hearing the cabinet doors open and close, pots and pans being bumped into each other, and not too long passed until an intoxicating scent invaded the whole apartment.
No matter how hard your stomach was growling, or how you damned yourself for having such a small lunch at work; or how rare it was for Calum to be actually cooking dinner from scratch instead of just ordering take out, you wouldn’t open the door and come out to peek. You had some dignity, and it was you who’d asked to be left alone. So you just sucked it up.
But the minutes passed, and the smell grew harder to overlook, frying and boiling sounds making you wonder what treat he’d decided to make with those skilled hands of his. Your stomach refusing to be ignored, and your mouth starting to water.
As soon as you started reaching for your gym bag looking for maybe a energy bar that you could snack on to not faint from hunger, a soft pair of knocks on your bedroom door made your heart stop.
And then restart, this time beating faster than you imagined it possibly could. Swallowing hard and clearing your throat, you spoke up:
“Uhm…yes?” You asked shyly.
“I…uhm,” The voice on the other side sounded as uncertain as yours “I made dinner and…yeah, it’s ready now, could you…” He cleared his throat as well “Could you maybe come out to eat with me?”
So much for leaving you alone. But this was the Calum you’d been waiting for. The stubborn man that got in your nerves since day one, and you couldn’t help but crack a small smile that no one else, but your shadow which the city lights from outside casted on your floor, could witness.
“I’ll be right out.”
As if it was scolding you for not paying attention sooner, your stomach growled so loud you were sure Calum, who was standing in front of the kitchen counter a decent few feet away from you could’ve heard. If he did, nonetheless, he didn’t let you know.
You noticed, the second you were startled by the sound your gut made and checked him out to see his reaction, that he’d changed his sweater and pants, and his hair was damp. He’d taken the time, you realized, not only to tidy up the apartment, any sign of the previous altercate completely erased, but to also make dinner and take a shower, making you thankful that you’d at least combed your hair before leaving the room, but at the same time damning yourself for not trying harder. It made your stomach flip how he, on the other hand, was making such an effort despite the fact you two had had mainly rather tense interactions, if any at all the past days.
“It smells great.” You broke the silence as it was obvious that he, even though he’d heard you come out, wasn’t going to be the first to speak. His shoulders visibly tensed up, back straightening as he put a wooden spoon down and turned around a little slower than you would’ve wished to finally meet your gaze.
“Thank you.” Your eyes locked for a few seconds, and a tingly sensation grew in your gut from having those deep, chocolate eyes staring at you once again, but this time with no distress, anger, disappointment or any discouraging sentiment in them “I… I made dinner.” He stuttered, scratching the back of his head, tousling the raven colored locks.
“I know…you, you said that before.” A breathy, nervous laugh flew past your lips. You balanced yourself from your toes to your heels, uncomfortable as you didn’t know at all what to do with your body in his presence anymore. You couldn’t come closer, as that would be awkward, but not that much more than just standing in the middle of the dining area. Being around him had turned from the most natural thing which you’d grown comfortable of, to a mess of awkwardness where neither of you really knew how to react, or what to do next.
He laughed quietly.
“You’re right.” He cleared his throat “The table is set.” He signaled with his hand for you to move towards the table, where two plates and wine glasses were set, along with two candles which provided the small space with a dim light that would’ve resulted relaxing if your whole body wasn’t stiff with nervousness.
You almost wanted to laugh at the comicalness of the fact that you were both acting as if you were a guest in his place, where he had to guide you around like you hadn’t been living in that same apartment for months now. Next thing you knew you might be asking where the bathroom was and looking through the cabinet.
But in reality nothing about the scene was much too comical.
“Okay.” You nodded shyly and finally moved towards the chairs, at the same time he exited the kitchen. From the corner of your eye you noticed how he was rushing over to yours before you could sit down, taking ahold of the back, pulling it away and offering you a seat. At first you just stared at the chair, then at his hands, and then at him, but when you noticed how expectantly anxious he was you decided not to make the situation worse and simply sat down with a quiet ‘thank you’. He pulled you in and you heard a sigh of relief from behind you, a small smile creeping up the corner of your lips at how unlike himself he was behaving.
It was his turn to sit down and he reached for the lid that was covering the platter, revealing a dish of what you recognized as spaghetti carbonara, to which your stomach growled again and your hand flew to cover it through your sweater as if that could conceal the embarrassment.
With burning cheeks you looked up at Calum who stared at you with wide eyes for a second, hand still high in the air holding the silver item, followed by a mocking smile which appeared in his lips.
“You hungry?” He teased, and in response your whole body relaxed slightly, opposite to the reaction you would’ve had, had you never moved in with him, flashbacking to the times where he’d drop an annoying comment past your cubicle at work only to make your hairs stand up in frustration. Maybe things didn’t have to be so tense after all.
“Starving actually.” You admitted a bit more at ease, watching him settle the lid down on the table and reaching for the pasta tweezers to serve you some of that sinfully delicious looking pasta “And this smells amazing.”
“Thanks.” He simply replied, and you noticed in that moment that he hadn’t really made eye contact with you.
“When did you prepare all this?” You attempted to make conversation again, trying with all your being to not make the situation uncomfortable for either of you; even more, that is.
“When you…were in your room.” He handed you the plate he’d taken from your spot and put it back in its place, continuing to serve some for himself.
“Oh…” You nodded, biting your lip. You decided since he was serving the food you might as well pour the drinks. So you reached for his glass and tilted the already opened bottle so the burgundy liquid started flowing. Once you had both glasses ready you handed him his, and he thanked you with a shy smile and a nod; it was when you leaned in closer that you got intoxicated with the scent of his shower gel, caught off guard, remembering how much you loved that smell and how long it’d been since you’d been able to sense him so close to you “You also cleaned the apartment…”
“Yeah there was glass everywhere so… I just wanted to avoid accidents.” He half smiled and took a sip of the wine, putting the glass back down while still avoiding your gaze.
“Can I ask what the hell happened in here while I was away?” You attempted to get some information, knowing damn well it was risky to push the situation too hard, but you were also scared that you wouldn’t have another opportunity to try and mend whatever relationship you two had slowly built, and the damage was irreversible by now.
He stopped mid-bite and looked at you, furrowed brows and warm, whisky colored eyes making your heart skip a beat.
“Uhm…well…” He started and you heard him gulp loudly.
“Calum, this…this is getting ridiculous. When did we get to this point?” You cut him off; didn’t look back at him because you didn’t need him deciphering the frustration in your eyes, but you could feel his intense gaze on you “We were doing so well, we were so comfortable around each other and now I can’t ask a single question without being too scared that you’ll triggered and snap at me.” A huff ran past your lips, and suddenly the food in front of you didn’t look as tempting anymore; the knot in your stomach made a new appearance and you knew that this absurd situation couldn’t and wouldn’t go on any longer.
“I don’t…really know.” He scratched the back of his head “It is, pretty ridiculous.” He agreed.
“Can we try?” You inquired “Can we try to go back to normal and talk to each other like we did before? At least for one meal, please.” It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that there was almost an imploration hiding behind your words “Can you tell me what happened?”
He stared for a brief second before licking his thick lips and nodding.
“I know there was a girl here.” You started, so it wouldn’t be so hard for him. He then, looked away once again and you could feel him slipping away already “Isn’t that so?”
“Yes…” His brows furrowed again.
“And?” You pushed “We’ve talked about these things before, Cal. Why are you suddenly so weird?”
“You want me to be honest, then?” He crossed his hands over the table and made eye contact once more.
“Of course…” You replied softly “There’s nothing I want more than that.”
“Yes, I did have a girl over.” He confirmed, and the stabbing pain in your chest took you off guard. What was that for? That was information you already knew “And she came over to have sex.”
Forget the stab. This felt more like he’d taken out a rusty knife and ripped your chest open… Which you hated, especially because you knew that there was no way her underwear would’ve been on the floor if they hadn’t fucked on the couch. The same couch that was sitting a few feet away from you two and you couldn’t help but look at it unconsciously, the vivid image of the two of them lying on top of it, sweaty and naked; and it must’ve been obvious in your expression because he was quick to uncross his hands to reach for yours.
“Nothing happened…” He interrupted your wild-running mind, leaning in and words coming out in almost a soft whisper.
“Huh?” You ripped your eyes off the recently adjusted couch and looked at him, meeting the golden specks of his brown eyes from up close for the first time in a long time “I didn’t… I’m not… I didn’t say anything.”
And for the first time the cocky chuckle you never thought you could’ve missed finally graced your ears one more time.
“Your face didn’t get the memo, I guess. You looked like you’d seen a ghost right there.” He teased you, and deep down you jolted with joy at the pieces slowly falling back into place again.
He didn’t move his hand, and the weight of it, along with the warmth made a shiver run up your spine. The physical contact in your life lately had obviously not happened too often; but it was the fact that he was the one that hadn’t touched you whatsoever what haunted you the most. Feeling his touch again was like being felt for the first time ever, and you hoped that wasn’t a thing that was obvious on your face.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You retorted, defensive.
“Like I was saying, before you started bullshitting me. Nothing happened. I promise.” The thumb of his that rested on the back of your hand had started tracing circles that you weren’t sure he was fully aware of, while he leaned in even closer; so much that you could feel his hot breath hitting your cheek.
“You don’t have to give me any explanations.” You simply responded, focusing your eyes on the spot your hands were coming in contact, not brave enough to look up and meet him knowing your faces were so close.
“I know I don’t… but I want to.” He stated.
“You can do whatever you want, it’s your life. It’s your apartment…” You replied, and it sounded so weak he almost had to lean in closer to hear you. In response he squeezed your hands in his.
“Wrong. Our apartment.” His words sounded blunt “And…” He seemed to hesitate for a second, so you forced yourself to look up, finding his face so near to yours you had the chance to appreciate his long, beautiful eyelashes that framed his slightly hooded eyes, the small freckles from the long left behind Australian sun on the high points of his cheeks, the noticeably freshly shaved skin and the pink shade of his lips on which your gaze lingered for way too long.
You nodded.
“Would you have cared if something happened with her?” He wasn’t tiptoeing around the subject. Clearly.
“I don’t…” You started, and your teeth clashed together when you shut your mouth before continuing.
“Don’t lie to me… You said you wanted to talk like we talked before. You wanted honesty, and trust.” He was looking so intensely at you, it made your cheeks burn like you were suddenly back to being 15 years old “Do you care if I go sleeping around?”
“Why are you asking me this?” The frustrated words left your mouth in order to avoid answering the question. It was you who wanted to speak without reservations. His response was to let go of your hand and pull the chair away from the table, getting up and walking towards the big windows that provided a panoramic view of the lit up neighborhood from your apartment.
His fingers ran through his thick hair and pulled on the strands.
“Why is everything so complicated with you…” You didn’t know if he was speaking to you or simply thinking out loud, either way you were the subject of the thought so you got up as well and walked towards him, standing behind his broad back as you weren’t brave enough to say this to him face to face.
“You really want to know?” You asked with a shaky voice. He didn’t turn around.
“I just want this to be over…” He replied, and the anguish in his words was obvious.
“What?”
“This…cat and mouse game. Me chasing after you, you chasing after me. I wish we could talk like adults and stop with the bullshit.” He said, and were some of the most serious words you’d ever heard coming out of his mouth.
“We can talk like adults. I’m glad we’re finally on the same page.” You answered, and his shoulders rose and fell with a deep sigh you heard from behind him. He placed his hands in his pockets and turned around to face you.
“Are we?” He questioned.
“On the same page? Of course…” You nodded, this time with no reluctance in your features, and he took a few seconds to scan them.
“I believe I asked you a question.” His intense gaze made your cheeks warm once again.
“A...question” You repeated and he rolled his eyes “Fine. Same page. Sure.” You breathed in, as if oxygen could somehow provide you courage and locked eyes with him. You wanted to simply blurt it out. You wanted to be honest; you were just as sick of this game that’d been going on for long enough as it was, and nothing good would come out of insincerity “Yes.”
“Yes?” He raised an eyebrow, his hands coming out of his pockets and his feet taking a step closer towards you in a move which you figured was involuntary, already in anticipation of what that single word you just pronounced promised.
“Yes, Calum. I do care if you sleep around.” You could feel your heart beating hard and fast, loud against your ribcage, blood flowing so fast with adrenaline pumping through your veins, with excitement and nervousness of your confession that it was slowly becoming a bit hard to breathe properly “I do.”
“You care?” He shot yet another question and it was your turn to roll your eyes.
“Yes, dammit! I care! I don’t like you sleeping around, I don’t want you to do it. I know I have no right to expect you to change your habits for me but I can’t help it alright?!” You crossed your arms in a gesture that any psychoanalyst could interpret as a clear way of self-protection, almost like if by doing it, you could stop harm from getting to you while being so vulnerable.
And a few seconds passed, and he didn’t say anything. And you could feel your eyes burning with rising tears and your throat choking with the desire to cry at his silence.
“Really?” He questioned, yet again, and you had to physically stop yourself from stomping your feet at his stupidity. What game was he playing?
“Are you really gonna make this so hard for me? Do I really have to do everything? Say everything?” You looked away because you didn’t need him noticing the forming tears in your eyes, and focused on the window beside you, the clear sky which stars you were sure looked incredible but the city lights kept them from being fully appreciated; the rooftops of the buildings surrounding yours with people inside them, living their lives completely oblivious to the embarrassment you were going through right then, or the hardships your heart had had to suffer the past weeks. The waning moon in the sky shone bright, and it would’ve been clear as water if your eyes weren’t clouding with salty tears all of a sudden.
But before they could escape the corner of your eyes, you blinked them away at the feeling of Calum’s rough hands cupping your cheeks, forcing you to look back at him; and you didn’t know if it was your own eyes playing tricks on you, or you’d actually see his own get a little cloudy.
“What do you want me to say? I’ll say anything.” He blurted out, sounding almost like a promise. His closeness smelled of a mix of shower gel and spices he’d probably used for cooking. His chest was grazing yours, and you hadn’t noticed until then that he’d taken another step forward, your knees almost touching.
“Why did you want to know how I feel?” You blatantly retorted, biting your lip at the sight of a small smile pulling up the corner of his lips, being the most beautiful sight you’d ever seen: Calum so vulnerable right there in front of you, only for you.
“Because… I guess I was too scared to say this if I didn’t know. I guess I just needed some sort of reassurance that this wasn’t one sided; that I wasn’t the only one going crazy because I wanted to touch you, and hold you, and make you happy every single hour of every single day.” He chuckled lightly and looked down briefly, only to meet your gaze again a second later “Not that you feel that way too but, you know what I mean… Wow. I sound so fucking lame, but I guess it was about time I came to terms with it.”
From all the literature you’d gone over, all the movies, all the TV shows; you’d seen and read so many times about what it felt like to have someone confess their feelings to you. And in that moment you knew you’d been reading, watching some real bullshit because none of that could’ve prepared you for the way you felt in that moment.
You were sure that, if one of Calum’s hands hadn’t sneakily placed itself on your waist, to pull you in even closer, your knees would’ve failed you, because they buckled almost making you lose balance. It was almost as if someone had taken a hot pack and placed it on your chest, warming up your entire middle area, creeping up your stomach and making you feel something that could only be described as relief. Relief after feeling like your heart was constricted, some invisible hand fisted around it squeezing it mercilessly every time you were reminded that you were alone; relief that you weren’t the only one feeling like your companionship had grown into something more intricate, more daring than that. That you weren’t the only one in desperation for feeling the other’s arms wrapped around your body, as if he was holding you back together after suffering for so long.
“Are you seriously gonna stay quiet?” He pressed his forehead against yours and closed his eyes shut “Months trying to get you to shut up and now I come to realize all I had to do was confess to having the hots for you.” He joked, or at least you thought he was and you couldn’t help a quiet laugh escaping your throat.
You kicked him playfully and he laughed as well.
“You don’t sound lame…” You finally spoke fighting a smile while trying to hold back tears “You sound like a man who, somehow matured enough in this brief time to talk about his feelings with another human being.” You reassured, rubbing the tip of your nose softly against his “Are you not gonna kiss me?” You gathered up the courage to ask with a wild beating heart, and less than a second later his lips were on yours.
To say you were unexperienced would’ve been the lie of the century. Sure, the amount of sexual partners on your list wasn’t exactly long, but you were old and had experimented enough to have witnessed first-hand what a good kiss was supposed to be. But this… this was just something entirely different.
Good simply wasn’t a good enough word to describe the way that kiss made you feel. Breath-taking maybe, given the way you literally felt the air escape your lungs entirely while somehow at the same time holding your breath from the surprise of having him do such a simple yet intimate action, with you of all people. Perhaps intense, from the way your whole being could’ve combusted right that second from feeling the warmth of his whole body pressed against yours, his hands on your hair, his chest against your chest, his nose rubbing yours; the scent of his shower gel invading your nostrils, and the deafening sound of the silence in the apartment being disturbed only by the soft sounds that escaped both your throats from the first impact of the kiss, the heavy breathing, the smacking of lips craving one another. Your senses were overwhelmed, your body was ecstatic, your mind both overflowed and drained from all thoughts at the same time, your heart running a million miles a miles a minute. No amount of kisses ever experienced previously in your life could’ve prepared you for the ferocity of feeling yourself in Calum’s arms as he claimed you as is, the taste in his tongue as it came in contact with yours, the harshness of his digits as he pressed you closer to him like he wanted to fuse your bodies together; like he was afraid you could think things through and back away any given second.
As if that was even amongst the possibilities.
There was nothing gentle about that kiss. Your nails scratched the back of his neck, your hands fisted around the material of his sweater almost desperate to get him closer to you even though that wasn’t physically possible; and he wasn’t any nicer to you either, before you could even count how long had passed, his hands which had been busy tugging slightly on your hair traveled down your neck and sides, to end up on your ass, landing his entire palm shamelessly over the clothed curve and squeezing so hard you might’ve thought his life depended on it.
So much pent up desire, frustration; so many untold feelings that still needed to be discussed.
But with all the time you both had, clearly, put this moment off, neither of you was about to break it to have some more meaningful talk.
The second his hands on your back pressed you firmly against him, you felt him starting to harden little by little under his jeans, and you couldn’t help but let out a moan from just how weak it made you to have him so eager for you right then and there.
Your lips started to burn, from all the attention his skilled mouth had dedicated to them, the sucking and biting making them shiny and swollen, all the more tempting to him. The air on your lungs was suddenly not enough anymore, so you breathed in a good amount of air the second he parted a few centimeters in order to look at you.
“God, you’re gonna have to stop moaning…” A raspy voice erupted from his throat and the hot breath that hit your skin arose goosebumps all across your back. He gave your ass another squeeze, pressing you up against him one more time in what you figured was eagerness for some friction, as the bulge in his pants had grown even more noticeable.
“Maybe you should stop squeezing my butt.” You half joked, taking his swollen, pouty bottom lip between your teeth and giving it a tug.
He tsked and raised the corner of his mouth, rubbing his nose against yours.
“No can do, really.” He simply replied, making you chuckle as he wrapped your arms around his neck again and lifted your legs, carrying you koala-style towards the table where the now cold, forgotten food had been abandoned. Neither of you really cared.
He made sure to place you as near to the edge as possible, placing himself between your parted legs and achieving an even better angle where now you could feel his full-on erection as he attacked your lips once more, hands tangled on your hair as you pulled him in even closer with your heels on his ass.
Ever since he’d first touched you, your heart hadn’t slowed down, and the burning sensation, the awaken butterflies in your stomach hadn’t calmed down. He had you with sweaty palms and sloppy kisses like you were a fifteen year old starting to discover what it was like to come in physical contact with someone you were attracted to; to feel like clothes were coming inbetween you and becoming a obstacle, to feel like close wasn’t just close enough and you needed even more.
Slowly, he moved from the corner of your lips to your jaw, as you instinctively dropped your head back to allow him more space. He took his time to kiss and suck his way down, leaving a trail of sloppy, tingly impressions along the way. He migrated his hands down as well, starting with caressing your knees, up your thighs to patiently travel back up, taking rest on your hips as he pressed you against his crotch yet again, this time adding little thrusts of his crotch, so imperceptible you didn’t really know he was aware he was doing it, but noticeable enough to have the temperature on your body arising.
And as if the situation didn’t have you feeling as if you were floating amongst clouds enough already, he took his time on that single spot on your neck where your pulse could be felt, pressing his stiffened tongue against it and sucking slightly after soothing it with a kiss. It was as if a mist of pleasure was clouding your thoughts and you suddenly didn’t have another care in the world that didn’t involve Calum’s lips and hands introducing themselves to every inch of your body.
“God, Calum…” You allowed yourself to whimper while a hand flew to his hair, pressing him harder against your neck as he continued his attention and earning a content moan in return that only made you want him even more.
“You’re driving me crazy.” He admitted, as his big frame pushed you down, palms abandoned your hips to place themselves on each side of you against the wooden surface of the table; plump, swollen lips back on yours, kissing your ferociously with teeth and tongues clashing. Your back arched away from the table, covered breasts grazing against his chest and legs wrapped around his waist pressing him closer in need of even more.
Your eyes had been closed involuntarily since the beginning, the pleasure being too much for your eyelids to stay open, but the second he stopped his movements you forced yourself to do so, only to find those chocolate colored orbs staring so intensely at you, if your cheeks hadn’t been already burning with desire they would’ve probably lit up in that second.
“What…” You asked in a whisper, raspy voice tainted with lust, taken aback by the force of his gaze on you.
“You’re so beautiful.” He blurted off, a little absent-mindedly and you didn’t know if he was just thinking out loud or if he expected an answer “Did I ever tell you that?” A hint of a smile pulled on the corner of his lip.
“I don’t…remember.” You admitted, licking your lips and not missing the way his eyes shot down to catch the gesture “I’m kind of distracted by your hard dick between my legs right now.” You didn’t know what had gotten into you, since you’d never been the kind to dirty talk. But just seeing him on top of you, so needy and willing for you, and only you, had probably provided you with the courage to say such a thing.
A grown was heard before his eyes fluttered close and he rested his forehead on the crook of your neck.
“Don’t be like that.” He placed a single, chaste kiss on your clavicle as he spoke “Don’t say stuff like that way when I’m trying to tell you something.” You giggled.
“Is it that you wanna fuck me?” You guessed, flashbacking to one of the conversations you two had had once where he confessed that he wasn’t a guy willing to do much more than just having sex with a woman.
It was his turn to laugh.
“Can you control yourself for a goddamn second?” He held himself up this time and looked at you in the eye with an amused expression, so close you could take your time to appreciate those long eyelashes, worthy of any girl’s envy “I know you want me but I’m being serious here…” His last few words came out a little softer and more solemn.
“Fine. What is it.” Anyone who looked at you would’ve noticed the difference in your mood at that moment. Tousled hair, flushed cheeks, running heart and shaking limbs from just a few kisses. What this man did to you was unbelievable; turning you into an almost younger, more carefree, unrecognizable version of yourself. You were crazy for him and if he needed you to shut up for two seconds then you were more than happier to comply.
“Trust me… I can’t wait to take you to bed and make you scream my name so loud our whole building will know who’s making you feel so good” He started, and in those brief words your panties grew even more uncomfortable underneath your sweatpants. Your breath hitched and you couldn’t help but bite your lip in anticipation, gesture he didn’t miss and with a fleet smile he pecked your lips before turning serious again.
“But…?” You asked, fearing he might’ve come into his senses and realized that whole thing was absurd and decided to put a quick end to it.
“But I need to tell you something.” He continued, and you waited. But seconds passed and it seemed like he didn’t know how to continue.
“Tell me.” You encouraged and he swallowed so hard you heard it.
“I feel like if we’re gonna do this… and trust me I want to, I need to be honest with you.” He explained and you nodded, signaling for him to keep going “I… I-Shit, I don’t wanna ruin this.” A hand flew to his hair and ruffled the already messy curls yet again.
“Cal, what is it?” You brought your own to caress his cheek reassuringly and he seemed to calm down for a second “You won’t ruin anything. Just say what you want to say.”
“I don’t know if I love you.” He blurted out suddenly, and didn’t wait for a response before continuing, apparently ready to take it all the way now that he’d admitted his hardest part “I’m not saying I don’t love you. But…I’m also not saying that I do.” He traced the line of your jaw with a calloused finger and you noticed he deliberately avoided eye contact “It’s been a crazy past couple weeks. I know it was impulsive to let you live with me, knowing how much I wanted you. And I wanted you so badly, y/n. Every morning seeing you with those tight outfits you wear to the office. Seeing you chew on a pen so you didn’t bite your nails when you were focused on finishing stuff quickly to meet deadlines; that bright smile you always had no matter how hard, or long, or shitty the day was. You have everyone wrapped around your finger. Everyone loves you; how could I not have noticed you? How could I not be completely fascinated by you? You know how hard it was the first few months when you didn’t even know who I was, nor did you care.” He chuckled pensively and you wanted nothing more but to erase the winkle inbetween his furrowed brows with a kiss “You had your own life figured out, where could I come in? I knew you’d never be my friend, because honestly…” He rolled his eyes “We both know how that worked out, trying to share the same space for a long time. And there was already someone in your life, as I made sure to find out eventually.” He referenced Brody without actually saying his name, a habit of his you’d discerned “So I started….annoying you.”
“Very much, yes.” You cut off playfully and he finally cracked a smile for your delight.
“And I apologize.” He continued nonetheless “But still… I don’t regret a single thing I ever did since I met you- Well. Maybe not knocking down every single teeth on that asshole ex-boyfriend of yours the minute he walked into the office, but you know, nobody’s perfect.” This time he did meet your eyes, which had been scrutinizing every inch of your body underneath him as he talked, and that simple action warmed up your insides “Whatever it is I did, I must’ve done something right because…here we are.” He smiled and you couldn’t help but follow along “Where was I?” He got back on track all of a sudden “Right… I- I can’t say I love you yet.” He continued and as soon as you opened your mouth to speak he interrupted “But I wanted to make that clear because I don’t want what’s going to happen next to be…ruined by the fact that I didn’t make my feelings clear.”
“Okay…” You whispered a couple of seconds after waiting for him to go on, but he didn’t.
“Is that okay? That I haven’t figured out how I feel about you just yet?” He asked, and there it was, the wrinkle between the brows again, melting your insides and threatening to burst your heart.
“Of course it is…” You nodded and kissed him briefly, wrapping your hands around his neck and pressing your foreheads together “How could I possibly expect anything else after such a short time. This isn’t a freaking movie Calum, it’s fine to take your time to figure out how you feel about someone else…” You explained and he let out a heavy sigh as if a big weight had been lifted from him “It’s fine because I don’t know yet either! All I know is that I’m crazy about you, I have been for an even longer time that I wanted to admit to myself and I want to get to know you more. I’m not made of steel, I had my heart broken not too long ago and it’s gonna take some time for it to be able to fully love someone. You don’t build trust based on fantasies. That’s now how grown-up relationships work. We’re gonna need some time, and if you are too, I’m willing to wait as long as necessary because I like you. I really, really do like you.” You spoke and smiled a little embarrassed afterwards, noticing you’d given a whole speech about feelings and relationships and you hoped he wouldn’t be too taken aback by your honesty; but what better way to start this new thing together than to do it with all the cards laid on the table?
“I really,” He kissed you again “really,” and again “really like you too.” He finished with a longer, deeper kiss and the butterflies flapped their wings again, the kiss interrupted when you both broke into big, sincere smiles of something that couldn’t be described as anything else but happiness.
You felt so happy you could’ve cried, so many feelings running through you at that moment; but mostly alleviation, because after a while of feeling like he was slipping through your fingers like sand you’d managed to not lose him. Your roommate, your friend, the man you were falling in love with.
“Now that we’re clear…” He continued, eyes looking down with long, dense black eyelashes resting on his god-like cheekbones; his voice a little lower and huskier, his strong hands resting on your thighs gave it a little squeeze “can I make love to you already?” His eyes looking up to meet yours, and the intensity in them along with the playful half smile that appeared on his lips would’ve made your body heat rise up if it weren’t for the fact that your whole self already felt like it was on fire.
So this is what felt like to be desired by Calum. It was everything you’d expected and more, the image of his body on top of yours, sweaty and hot while your bodies merged into one popping into your mind and making your mouth dry.
But in honor of staying true to your character, you decided to tease him a little bit, no matter how much you would’ve killed to have him rip your clothes right then and there.
“I thought you just ‘fucked’. I didn’t think ‘making love’ was actually in your vocabulary…” You replied with a smile as playful as his.
He threw his head back and groaned, his Adam’s apple sticking out in that thick neck of his you planned to cover in hickeys in the near future.
“Does everything have to be a war with you?” He sighed and chuckled, but you knew he was aware you were just messing with him “Can’t you just let me make love to you in peace?” He lowered his gaze and begged with his eyes.
You simple nodded excitedly, no words needed, to which he broke into a huge smile and picked you up off the table, carrying you towards your bedroom and maneuvering between holding your body in his arms, not tripping with anything and opening the door.
Your back hit the soft surface of your mattress before you could have time to say anything else, his lips meeting yours again in a starved-like manner, hands holding onto your body as if it was his lifeline, refusing to let you go now that he finally had you, and quite honestly you wouldn’t have managed to let go of him even if the apartment suddenly caught on fire.
“Shit, wait.” You said, pulling away from the rough kiss, and the sight before you when you reopened your eyes made your heart skip a beat: his broad frame above you, short of breath, swollen lips and hungry eyes. You had to take a second to compose yourself before you could speak what you intended.
“Yes?” He hurried.
“We forgot…” Was all you could say and you sneaked out from under him and rushed, as fast as your feet allowed you, towards the bathroom. Opening the mirror cabinet, you reached out for something and were met with a fist closing onto nothing but air. Running back towards the bedroom, you found him standing at the foot of the bed with his eyes wide. As soon as he saw you return a sigh flew past his pouty lips.
“What the hell?” He furrowed his brows and you would’ve laughed at how much of a toddler he sounded like, about to throw a tantrum because you ran out of him, if curiosity wasn’t stronger than the amusement.
You took your time, walking slow steps towards his clearly eager body and softly placed your hands on each side of his face. Instinctively his own flew to your waist to press you closer, feeling him wholly warm and still half-hard underneath his pants; you kissed him softly this time, more patiently, knowing none of you were going anywhere.
A feeling of slow, hot lava flowed through your body as the kiss deepened, still as slow and passionate but needier this time, his tongue asking for entrance, his teeth catching your lips between them and tugging, letting out a low hiss due to the erotic stinging.
You didn’t wait any further, walking backwards towards the bed and pushing him down with you, all his weight pressing you down on the mattress again feeling just as, if not even better, than the first time.
Your legs parted, positioning one on each side of his body to allow him better access, your covered heat coming in contact with the bulge which, you were sure, was again getting harder by the second.
Still, he broke the kiss, not moving further than half an inch away, eyelashes brushing against each other, hot breath hitting your now battered lips when he spoke.
“What was that just now…” He asked in a voice so deep and raspy, so filled with lust you felt it in every cell of your body.
“I was looking for a condom.” You explained, and mid-sentence you had to clear your throat because your vocals chords felt like you’d been screaming for a century “But seems like you got rid of your stash.” You joked, and couldn’t refrain from placing another kiss on his lips.
“I kinda…got rid of that after you moved in.” He clarified after a breathy laugh of realization.
“Why would you do that?” You asked concerned and slapped his chest, imagining him having unprotected sex with various women.
“Because it’s not like I was fucking doing anything! They were taking up space and every time I opened that cabinet to reach for a razor, I’d see them and be reminded of how badly I wanted to fuck you but couldn’t. So one night I was…kinda tipsy and threw them the fuck out.” He chuckled and you laughed along, not quite believing his impulsive behavior.
“Calum…” You broke the silence after the light-hearted laughs.
“Yes?” His voice sounded muffled as he began to travel down your neck, placing soft kisses on every inch of skin he could find.
“Just take my fucking clothes off already. I need to feel you inside me.” You rushed and his head moved so fast you were afraid he’d get whiplash from the movement, but didn’t have time to voice your worries as he got up off you and kneeled on the bed, making the mattress shift slightly. His arms flew up, getting rid of the sweater and white v-neck he was wearing underneath in one go, his toned, golden torso covered in tattoos making its appearance in front of you once again, almost making your mouth water “I think you’re drooling a little bit.” He spoke cockily with, still, his raspy voice that sent shivers up your spine as he pointed to the corner of his mouth with one of his long fingers.
“Am I gonna have to make myself cum? Why the fuck are you taking so long?” You half screamed, eyes traveling down the chiseled chest and ripped abdomen and landing on that black leather belt which laid just above the hard cock underneath his jeans.
He laughed whole-heartedly, perfect line of white teeth showing and throwing his head back in the absolute amusement that your words caused him.
“Eager much?” He crossed his arms, which made his pecs stand out even more. You could’ve cried from frustration right then and there.
“I’m gonna count to three before I run out of this room and lock myself in the bathroom to fucking finish already.” You didn’t know when exactly you’d become this dirty mouthed desperate woman, but you were sure it had to do with the man in front of you and the talent he had for making you frustrated in every possible way.
“Now, I can’t let my babygirl do that…” He clicked his tongue and dunk down again, sitting you up from the bed and taking your sweater off, laying you back down after, everything in a way that was so agile, you thanked the universe for his experience in taking girls’ clothes off because you couldn’t have beared another second of being fully clothed in front of a half-naked Calum.
“Mh…Babygirl.” You repeated, savoring the word on your tongue with delight “I like that.” And sincerely, anything coming from his mouth you were sure, regardless of what it was, it would sound like heaven.
“Do you, babygirl?” He said once again, this time right against your ear, but somehow managed to sound even sexier as he pulled the strap of your bra aside and started leaving a trail of wet kisses that made your stomach flutter with excitement, for you knew what would follow briefly.
One of your hands instinctively flew to his hair and gripped tighter, pressing him against the sweet spot on your neck, and he moved down your shoulder, and back to the valley of your breasts.
Your brain turned into mush and suddenly couldn’t form any proper words, all you managed to do to acknowledge his question was a weak whimper that encouraged his actions even further, making him take even longer to reach that place you wanted him to.
An amused chuckle sent vibrations through your body at the same time he brought out his tongue to leave wet kisses around your breast, lingering just a second too long every time he moved to a new spot, covering every inch of your breast but never touching your flesh colored nub, which, by now was rock-hard already and you arched your back to let him know without actually begging that you needed him to touch you there so badly.
“Is there anything you wanna say?” He teased, and your response was to yank his hair to bring his mouth closer to where you wanted him “You’re gonna need to use your words now…” He hissed, but you knew he was loving your desperation, never one to shy away from roughness in bed.
“Please just… fucking do something.” You requested demandingly with eyes squeezed shut, not baring to meet his eye in such a vulnerable state.
“Well, since you said please…” He answered, and you didn’t need to see him in that moment to know he’d be rolling his eyes in victory.
Before you could protest any further, his pouty lips and tongue met your hard bud, back arching further as he not only decided to torture you there, but also bring his other hand to your sex to press a skilled finger over your clit and start rubbing fingers through the thick fabric of your pants, which only added to the delicious friction.
“Ho-ly shit.” You let out, suddenly very much short of breath “Oh my god. Jesus” You instinctively moved down to press further against his hand.
“Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain.” He stopped his torture briefly to let out, and if you hadn’t been so lost in the motion of his hands you would’ve laughed at his damn cheesiness. Did lines like that ever worked for him? Thank god he had good looks.
But instead of shutting him up with words, you pulled his head back down to which he returned to his labor, moving over to your other breast and tugging on the soft skin with his teeth while his hand never stopped, working you so agilely towards your orgasm already that you couldn’t believe it was actually happening.
It suddenly dawned on you why so many girls were hooked on him like heroin after having slept with him. If he was so fucking talented with just a bit of action, what would be left for the end of the night?
Noticing that you were embarrassingly close to coming from just a little touching from him, all over your pants which you were sure would only inflate his ego even further, you pushed him off, being met by a dark-eyed, swollen lips, hungry Calum with a beyond confused look on his face.
“My turn.” You simply replied and flipped both of you over, not knowing where the sudden physical strength nor rush of confidence came from, but you were positive it wasn’t the time to question neither.
Feeling more powerful than ever as he instinctively placed his rough hands on your hips to keep you stable, you straddled his legs and relished in the way he stared in awe at your naked upper body, taking the time to bite your lip to tease him even further as your nails dug on the bare skin of his own.
Crashing your lips against his, he let out a moan when your very much damp core came down to rub against the bulge in his pants, moving back and forth and understanding now why he was taking so long to give you what you wanted previously. Feeling like you had the person beneath you wrapped around your finger filled your chest with pride and made you wanted to prolong the moment even more.
You knew then, that every time you had sex would be a battle for dominance that none of you would be willing to lose, and the thought filled your heart with excitement.
Yet another rush of adrenaline ran through your veins at the mental image and you removed his hands from you to move down swiftly, undoing the belt with a tingling sound, along with the button of his jeans and hooking your fingers on the hem, yanking them down to leave him in just a pair of light grey boxers that did little to nothing to cover the hard-on that awaited for you underneath.
With every intention to return the favor, or more like, take revenge, you began the torture by kissing up his muscular thighs, all the way to his hips and coming just as close as possible to his member without actually making contact with it with your lips and tongue, tugging on the black elastic and making it snap against his hips. You were rewarded with various hisses, grunts and hip thrusts into nothing, which made a smile curl up your lips when you looked up to see the wrinkle between his forehead that made a special appearance every time Cal was feeling particularly frustrated.
“Goddamnit, y/n.” He complained, resting on his elbows and fisting the white sheets in his hands, making the veins on his forearms pop out.
“Yes?” You asked innocently, resting your cheek on one of his thighs and batting your eyelashes innocently.
“You’re a petty, petty woman.” He let out between gritted teeth, but you could see the playfulness in his pupils even from afar.
“Karma’s a bitch isn’t it?” You came down to bite softly on his inner thigh and that was the moment he lost it, moving faster than you thought was humanly possible and sitting up, dragging you towards him and pressing a forehead against yours.
“This can go two ways. Either you put my cock in your mouth and suck me right now like the good girl I know you can be, or I’m gonna drag your orgasm so bad later you’re gonna beg me to let you come.” He tilted his head and you gulped, the thought of being denied the pleasure you knew he could give you, suddenly ending every idea for the torture session you had, faster than lightning.
“Fine” You spat, biting on his lower lip, taking advantage of the proximity and tugging on it as you pushed him back down, earning yet another hiss but not giving a damn, even though he might retaliate later “So fucking bossy.” You rolled your eyes and got rid of his boxers before he could protest, letting his cock spring out into freedom, laying there against his lower stomach leaking precum from your teasing, begging to be taken care of already.
Needless to say he was as big as you’d imagined. Which, who were you trying to fool? After all those times you’d caught him getting out of the shower or wearing barely nothing in the morning, you definitely had imagined.
You placed a hand on each hip and licked a strip up his underside, following the trail that his vein provided, smiling to yourself when he jolted in pleasure, throwing his head back and showing you that sinfully long neck of his.
As you reached the tip, you wasted no time taking it in your mouth, aiding yourself with a hand to keep him up for you, pumping him up and down ever so slowly as your lips wrapped around the swollen head, tongue coming out to lick the slit and causing his hips to thrust up.
“Stay still.” You demanded and knew how bad he’d been craving your mouth when he didn’t even try to retort.
Your mouth worked him patiently towards his orgasm, loving the way one of his hands came to the back of your hand to press you down very softly when he needed you to take in more of him, which wasn’t easy considering his size. You moved up and down until you managed to swallow him whole, meeting his eyes, long lost in lust when you did so, and the way his jaw was slacked as he was letting out quiet grumps only encouraged you even more, moving all the way out to just work him with your hands, using the slipperiness your spit allowed, leaving tender kisses along his hipbones which he rewarded with soft strokes on your hair.
“You look so beautiful right now.” He confessed softly, and you knew he was growing closer to his release when his abs started twitching and he had trouble keeping his eyes open to look at you; so you moved even faster, eager to taste him in your tongue and quickening your motions “But that’s enough.” He suddenly said before his hand pulled you away with an obscene pop and you pouted in disappointment.
“Hey” You complained, your jaw exhausted and your throat a bit sore “I was just getting into it.”
“You’re crazy if you think I’m not coming inside of you tonight.” Was all the explanation he gave before he flipped you over yet again, the bed springs complaining with a quiet screech, and with usual expertise, ridded you from your remaining clothes.
No more words were said as your absolutely dripping sex was exposed, eager for him since the moment you saw him there before you, serving dinner for you both like the man of your dreams he’d proved to be; but you were never gonna admit out loud just how much of an effect he had on you.
Or maybe not quite yet. You were aware that he had more than enough assets to make you confess even your deepest secrets.
You didn’t even try to hide your arousal when he spread your legs as wide apart as your not-so-flexible muscles allowed you, cheeks heating up when he hummed next to your core in content with your wetness, all there, just for him.
To your surprise, and to further prove just how desperate you’d made him, he didn’t waste time teasing you then, his head coming down immediately to meet with your sex and you barely had time to beg for more before he was moving his tongue up your slit, gathering up your juices and flicking the tip of it over the hood of your clit, your teeth tugging on your lower lip to muffle the loud moan that’d threatened to escape your mouth.
“That’s not so nice of you.” He lined his eyes with yours as one hand left your soft thigh to hold your cheeks, pushing them together so your lip was released and you had no choice but to open your mouth “I wanna hear how good I’m making you feel babygirl, please.” He asked, nicer than you would’ve expected and you simply nodded, jaw hanging open with nothing to quiet down the whimpers.
He never moved his gaze away from you as he came down again, lips wrapping around your clit and sucking expertly.
“That- fuck, that’s so good Cal, right there.” You praised and earned yourself a long, generous finger coming up your entrance, not bothering to waste a second before entering you swiftly, pumping it in and out and making you moan shamelessly loud to let him know just how good he was doing.
Fuck the neighbors, you never got along with them anyways. Who cared if they heard?
“More.” You begged, hips moving down to meet the motions of now two fingers working in and out of you “Yes…” You hissed and felt him smile against you.
With all the foreplay and just how fucking good Calum was, hitting every single spot you needed in your overly-sensitive body, it was no surprise that not much longer passed until he was taking you towards your climax once again.
“I’m close-“ You warned, and almost as if he read your mind, he moved away quickly, and you wanted to complain at how much you missed his mouth on you already, but before you could he was on top of you again, a hand holding himself up and the other one holding his erection as he placed himself between your legs, which rested around his waist, embracing him, inviting him to fill you up like you needed him to do so badly.
Without further hesitation his tip was running up and down your folds, coming in contact with your swollen clit briefly and making you arch your back off the mattress, allowing an even better view of your tits for him and a better angle for him to enter you.
And so he did, and you took him in happily, loving the way his length stretched your walls and fitted like he’d always been meant to be inside of you.
A collective moan escaped past both your lips as he filled you up, and you couldn’t help but close your eyes in absolute bliss as he nearly collapsed on top of you, taking both your hands in his and lacing your fingers before he positioned to rest his weight in both forearms and seeking your lips desperately. To which you complied, lifting your head off the mattress to merge into a deep kiss, eyes still open as you couldn’t bear to lose the sight of one another.
“So good…” He breathed out weakly “You feel so fucking good…” He confessed as he started moving his hips back and forth, creating friction between you that felt so fucking good you could’ve cried. You were so wet and sensitive for him; and he was so hard, so eager for you.
“Please, please go faster.” You begged, pushing him further with your heels against his back and he nodded, seeing in his eyes that he would do just about anything you would ask of him right in that moment.
“I don’t think I can last too long.” He confessed, fingers diggings harder against the back of your hand, and there was a hint of embarrassment in his tone, squeezing his eyes shut briefly and shaking his head, which you figured was result of not being used to finish so quickly.
“Me either.” You reassured and he quickened his pace, lips coming to find yours again in a sloppy, violent kiss that matched the erratic motions of his hips, result of just how close his orgasm was; tongues moving together, swallowing each other desperate moans.
Untangling your hands you brought one of your own down to rub your own clit, tracing irregular circles on the swollen hood, feeling your own climax approaching like the tide wilding before a storm, your walls constricting around him, squeezing his cock and making him think he could’ve lost his mind right that moment from the pleasure.
You felt his length twitch and fastened your own fingers, working yourself towards release and pressing his body against yours like there was some way that you could be even physically closer to him.
“I’m coming-agh.” He grunted before resting his head on the crook of your neck and with a few last thrusts you felt him finish inside of you, the tip of his cock hitting a delicious spot inside of you that made you come undone right after him, pleasure washing over you like a hot wave, the nearness of his body and feeling of warmth, release result of so many moments of pent up frustration where both of you wanted nothing more but to feel the other’s naked body pressed against you finally coming to a boiling point. Everything was said and done already, and he kept moving slow and sloppily before he pulled out with a few quiet groans that resonated against your neck.
The beating of both your hearts and the distant horns of cars on the outside world, along heavy, irregular breathings soon to calm down was all that could be heard in the room when he moved to your side on the bed, legs tangling together as he wrapped a hand around your waist and moved you closer to his hot, sweaty body.
None of you said a word for a few seconds, the only sign that he hadn’t fallen asleep being the distracted circles he drew on your skin with his thumb and the soft kisses he placed on your shoulder as minutes passed.
All you did was stare at the ceiling and relish in the way his bare body felt pressed against you, no barrier whatsoever in-between you two as you calmed yourself down from what had just been the most intense orgasm you’d had in your life. Not because of how long had lasted, because lord knows neither of you had needed much time to be right on edge with all that locked down sexual frustration; but because it’d been one of, if not the most intimate moments you’d ever shared with a partner before. Stripped from all shyness and prejudice, you’d never felt more comfortable, powerful and beautiful in bed with someone prior to that night. And you knew that was all thanks to and only because of Calum.
“I’m sorry.” He finally broke the silence and you looked at him to your right, noses now rubbing together from proximity.
“For what, exactly?” You questioned, amused and he closed his eyes.
“I came…so fast.” As suspected, he was embarrassed.
“Oh shut the fuck up. That was the best sex I’ve ever had.” You confessed, not minding the fact that he’d probably use that little piece of information to tease you in the future.
“Really?” He scrunched up his nose “Then you must’ve had some shitty sex in your life…” He joked and you laughed light-heartedly, heartbeat slowly but finally coming down to a normal pace.
“I’m not gonna argue against that. But you don’t need to apologize for anything.” You placed a soft, chaste kiss on his lips and he broke a small smile.
“In that case… Then wait ‘till you see what I can do with a little more patience. I’m gonna rock your world babes.” He wiggled his eyebrows and you couldn’t help but laugh, rolling your eyes at the corny line, trying to move away from him but he caught you immediately, rolling you on top of him and pressing his lips against the top of your head, where your hair was probably an ugly mess; but you knew that didn’t really matter with the man underneath you, for you knew that as long as you laid in his strong arms, no matter where in the world you were, you’d be home.
My legs were hurting from how hard and fast I was flying up the flights of stairs that separated me from the rooftop. Maybe if I got up off my ass more often lately instead of just moping around all day like I’d been doing I wouldn’t be so out of goddamn shape.
And to my relief my feet finally reached the final landing where only a large metal door distanced me from where I was intending to go.
I didn’t need to be fucking Sherlock to know that if she didn’t take her purse, keys or phone, that meant that she was still in the building; and if one of those first nights we shared had meant as much to her as it did to me, then there was no way I could’ve been wrong about this.
The hinges creaked piercingly when the door swung open, and it didn’t help that I opened it with such force that I almost broke it, but thanks to that, I was met with the pair of eyes that I’d directly been avoiding for the past days, and my first thought was none other than that there was nothing in those eyes that seemed warm or welcoming; but not a second later I recognized in them everything that had made me fall for this girl so helplessly in such a short amount of time.
“You’re here…” Was all my stupid ass mouth could spit out. She huffed, and with a grimace looked away, into the setting sun that was going down in the horizon, tinting the otherwise blue sky a light mix of pink and orange shades. She was standing in front of the dusty ass couch I’d dragged one night onto the rooftop, arms crossed and hair blowing slightly in the chilly twilight breeze. Her figure cut against the diffuse aerial heights like a painting, so beautifully that I could’ve taken out a camera and captured the moment right then and there; no matter how palpably tense it was for the both of us.
“I don’t know where else I’m supposed to be.” She spat out “Work maybe?” Sarcasm was dripping from her words “Where you should’ve been too, but you were too sick apparently; although it didn’t seem to stop you from doing whatever it was you were doing downstairs.” An unamused chuckle escaped her lips at the same time she shook her head in disapproval, and she still wouldn’t make eye contact with me.
“I’m sorry y/n…” I started walking slowly towards her, trying not to scare the beast, but she could feel the dishonesty in my words; she knew I wasn’t actually apologizing “but what’s it to you whatever I do?” I asked “What do you care what I do when I’m off work?”
“You’re sorry…” She repeated flatly, her delicate profile looking more ravishing than ever as I finally stood close enough, hands in the pockets of my hoodie, long eyelashes following the movements of her eyes that scanned the scenery in front of us; but nothing else revealed that she recognized my presence “and…what’s it to me? Our apartment has been trashed, my stuff broken and I’m not supposed to complain?” I noticed her eyebrows furrowing and her jaw quivering slightly.
“You know that’s not what I mean… you know that’s not what you meant. You didn’t mention the broken things, you mentioned what I was doing. Don’t lie to yourself.” I started to get defensive again. One thing was to have missed her so much my fingers were literally aching with the longing to touch her soft skin; a very different one was to put up with unfair complaints and her fucking with my mind like she had some power over it.
Which she did. She had every ounce of fucking power. But no right whatsoever to complain.
“Let me ask again: what’s it to you? It’s not like it’s gonna take you much longer to pick up your shit and go running back to your pathetic ex-boyfriend, so why make accusations like I owe any explanation to you?” The last sentence came out way more venomous than I intended, but in all honesty I was fed up with bottling every single one of my feelings up.
“Excuse me?” She finally turned to look at me, and I could notice how her eyes were glassy and her beautiful features distorted with anguish; it’d been a while since I’d seen her like that.
Shouldn’t she be happy? Shouldn’t she be fucking ecstatic that her rich boyfriend came back to her life to solve all her problems and give her the life she’d always wanted? Why was she upset?
“Running back to my ex-boyfriend? Where the fuck did you get that?” The corners of her mouth were pulling down in clear evidence that she was absolutely disgusted by what I was saying.
“Please… I heard you two today.” It was my turn to chuckle bitterly, looking away from her teary eyes and running my fingers through my hair, pulling frustrated on the strands.
This was it. This was the moment she’d tell me that she’d decided to leave me and there was no way any of us could escape this moment any longer.
“Okay so…not only did you invade my privacy by listening to my conversation, but you weren’t even smart enough to stay a little longer and see what I’d reply?” My eyes met hers again and I could see pure anger in her pupils.
“Like I needed to! It was obvious in your eyes that you’d made up your mind.”
“And now you’re a fucking mind reader as it turns out! More facets of you that I didn’t know!” She half-screamed sarcastically throwing her hands in the air in a dissatisfied gesture “Get the fuck over yourself Calum.” She tried to walk past me, towards the exit door that entered back the building but there was no way in hell we were ending that conversation like that. She couldn’t win again. She couldn’t walk away leaving me wondering where the fuck we stood…again. She couldn’t leave me just like that after days of not seeing each other, no matter whose fault it was. She wasn’t walking away.
“Fucking…wait!” I said, grabbing her elbow and turning her back around, only to find more tears forming, this time one of them escaping the corner of her eye and gliding down her cheek. And in that moment my world stopped.
The whirl of bullshit I pulled the past weeks started spinning inside my mind and I decided that no matter the result I wasn’t going to let the situation go on any further. That day we were gonna sort things out, regardless of who would turn out hurt.
“We… we can work this out. Please don’t leave.” I’d never heard my own voice so weak, so broken. It felt like something was stuck inside my throat, not allowing me to speak, stopping me from breathing. My eyes were burning and I wanted to punch myself for almost starting to cry. But the strong, heartless, bullshit façade that I’d put on for the world since I’d been heartbroken before, had to go. It was taking me nowhere and I refused to let that ruin the chance to be with someone I’d grown so attached to, even if it’d been against my will.
Because yes, this loud, thick headed, crap literature lover, germophobe, weak drinker, annoying ass woman had turned my world upside down, and no matter how hard I tried to cut that shit down, it just wasn’t happening. So I might as well grow some balls and do fucking something about it.
“Let me… I need a minute alone.” Her voice was soft as a whisper, as broken as mine; and whatever this woman required from me I would comply. If she needed a minute, an hour or a year to be able to work things out with me I would wait. As long as she didn’t leave me.
Because there was no way in hell I would let her go now.
A bright smile, worthy of a toothpaste commercial appeared on the fine features of the woman standing in front of me as I swung the door open, and I truly tried to give her one just as genuine as hers; but all I could come up with was a raise from the corner of my lips, and the look I knew made almost every girl in the world crazy. Experience had taught me I didn’t need much more than that though.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” She purred instead of saying hello. She didn’t need such courtesies at all, having been a first-hand witness of what my modus operandi was in the past.
“Of course.” I stepped aside and gestured for her to walk in, not bothering to mask the fact that I was tilting my head exaggeratedly in order to get a better look at her ass in that minuscule denim skirt she was wearing “I would never make you come all this way for nothing.” I said and ignored the feeling growing deep down, pushing it out of my mind and not even intending to analyze what exactly it was. There was no time for bullshit.
“You owe me 20 for the cab.” She dropped her bag on the floor and flipped her hair away from her shoulder when she turned to look back at me, knowing damn well that it was a gesture that would drive me crazy in no time.
Cassandra was an old friend, to put it somehow. She’d been one of the first girls to walk into my life, for what I thought back then would be momentarily, when I found myself recently single without even knowing what hit me back in the day. Girls would walk in and out of that same apartment, and I didn’t have the slightest interest in having any of them come back for do-overs whatsoever. But this girl…oh this girl knew exactly how to get my mind off of whatever it was that was troubling me without asking questions, without intending to get involved with me in anything that wasn’t a quick, meaningless fuck. She was very much like me, and I liked that. So I kept her phone number at hand for moments like this.
And right now I needed her now more than ever. I needed her to help me prove that I was still the same heartless motherfucker that I’d been for the past years and that no girl could crash into my life and change me to the core at her own will.
Cassandra was more than happy to comply.
“You can get them out of my wallet later.” Was all I replied before I closed the door shut and walked the steps that separated out bodies, her arms wrapping around my body and pressing me closer, at the same time I slipped my hands inside the back pockets of her skirt, fingers digging into the skin of her gorgeous round ass through the fabric while I crashed my lips against hers without further hesitation.
A groan escaped her throat, hands moving quickly to my head to pull roughly on the hair just the way she liked it, opening her mouth to allow access to my tongue while I guided us both towards the living room couch.
We flopped on it with a loud thump, cushions flying to the ground when we started moving frantically, trying to find a position in which we were both comfortable in yet every inch of our bodies were touching each other. She’s always been loud, reacting to every single thing I did like no one had touched her in years and she craved my hands like they were her salvation.
“Fuck, I missed this. It’s been a while since you called me.” She stopped to look at me and I held myself up as I returned her gaze, noticing her lips were swollen and her hair was starting to get wild from the heavy make out. Her legs parted, wrapped around my waist and her eyes oozing lust like I’d seen so many times before.
“Yeah, I’ve been busy.” I simply replied and silently damned her for having to speak up, since it only reminded me of why I hadn’t had the need to contact her for the past couple weeks.
I’d been trying my hardest to keep my mind blank, focusing on the girl that was practically serving herself on a silver platter for me instead of the one that was probably making plans of how she’d move out all the things that were on our apartment as of the moment.
Our apartment.
“Cal…?”
What will happen when she goes back to her dumbass ex-boyfriend? How could I live again knowing her stupid self-help themed books wouldn’t be lying around every fucking where; who would yell at me when I showered and left the towel wet on the floor about the germs and the lifespan of the fabric they were made of? How could I go back to having breakfast alone, in the silence of this apartment that was way too big for me to own alone anyways? Would I really have to go back to hunting for a new roommate just like I was weeks ago, before my life turned upside down?
“Babe…” Cassandra interrupted my thoughts and placed her hands on my cheeks, fiercely kissing me again and bringing me back to the scene “You’re so fucking distracted and I’m getting kinda offended over here.” She arched her back and her tits brushed against my chest, her knees pressing on my sides as she moved her pussy closer to my pants, rubbing herself against me with every intention to tempt me.
“Don’t.” I moved my hips and thrusted forward, earning another one of those theatrical moans of hers “You got my full attention.” I lied shamelessly and she smiled with her eyes closed.
“Just fuck me already.” She removed her top and revealed a red lace bra that did little to nothing to hold those juicy tits of hers that I’d always enjoyed so much, and I pulled away enough to move the rough fabric of her skirt upwards, rolling it around her waist and looking down to find, not to my surprise, a matching pair of panties which were begging for me to rip apart “Don’t you dare. These are new and I’d like to be able to wear them again.” A warning interrupted my train of thought, reminding me of how much this girl knew my sexual habits.
“As you please…” I let out with a raspy voice, already glad that she was doing her job of keeping my mind off bullshit as greatly as she always had. I removed the garment delicately and threw it over the couch into god knows what part of the apartment. She could look for those later.
Getting up off the couch I looked for my wallet over the coffee table and pulled out a condom, as well as a twenty dollar bill which I held between my fingers and showed her, placing it and my wallet back down and only keeping ahold of the little square package.
As a male in my twenties, and a horny motherfucker in general I didn’t need much more action to be able to be ready to go, so I ripped open the container of the condom and slid it on my cock, pumping myself a few times and kneeling on top of her again, loving the way she was ready for me to fuck her senseless once again.
“Come on.” She urged and all I could do was sit there in front of her, admiring her beneath me, with the lusty eyes, the crazy hair and the stunning body. She didn’t look much like her, in fact she was quite the opposite; the subject of any male with a working penis’ wet dreams. But there she was again, popping into my thoughts just like she had, ever since I’d met her; but never like this. Her existence had never stopped me from doing one of the things I enjoyed the most in life. In fact, no other women had ever managed to distract me once my buddy was up and running, ready to get laid. But leave it to her to surprise me, yet again.
“What’s wrong?” Cassandra whined under me, moving her hips and encouraging me to keep moving “Why are you taking so long?” She inquired, knowing damn well it took me nothing but seconds to get to business any time the situation required it.
“I don’t…” I shook my head, not quite sure of what to say. Or rather, not really believing the bullshit that was about to come out of my mouth. She observed me with furrowed brows “I can’t… I can’t do this. I can’t do this.” I stuttered like an idiot, and words can’t really describe the shock that distorted her otherwise delicate features.
“WHAT.” It wasn’t even a question. It was just one word that came off so sharp it could’ve cut through my skin “What the fuck do you mean you can’t do this. I can tell for a fact that you sure as hell can.” She spat out and reached for my crotch, squeezing the length in her hand and making me hiss out of surprise.
“That’s not what this is about. Look, Cass—” I began to explain, putting my member back into my jeans before she could rip it out; but before I could continue speaking, her tiny body suddenly became inhumanly strong and managed to throw me off the couch, my ass landing on the cold floor.
“I don’t give a shit, Calum!” She got up, fixed her skirt back in its place and tried to rearrange the mess that was her hair “Who the fuck do you think you are to make me come all this way to your shitty apartment just to tell me that you can’t fuck me, you son of a bitch?!” She screamed and moved away from the couch as I just observed her picking up whatever she found in her way and throwing it across the room. Magazines, mugs over the counter, chairs were also kicked as if they weighed nothing. What the hell kind of drugs was this woman on?
“Cassandra, calm down! This isn’t about you, it’s me... I’m just not in the mood right now.” My ass was very much in pain but I feared if I didn’t stop her soon she would trash the entire place.
“And you couldn’t figure that out before making me waste my fucking time?!” Y/n’s flower vase flew my way and missed my head by mere inches “And since when are you so picky about fucking?!”
“I said calm. The fuck. Down.” I muttered through gritted teeth. One thing was to break my shit. But touching y/n’s belongings was simply crossing the line.
I reached for her purse and placed it abruptly in her hands, grabbing her by the arm while she punched my chest, and dragging her out of the apartment.
“You’re being childish and you have no right to mess with my house. Now get the fuck out.” Was all I said and there must’ve been something in my eyes that told her not to fucking protest because she just put the bag over her shoulder and flipped her hair, regaining composure. Barely.
“And you’re being a fucking pussy, not wanting to fuck me when that’s exactly what you called me here for. Fuck you. And never call me again.” She started walking towards the stairs, stomping more like, and in those high heels and with so many flights waiting ahead I was deep down afraid she would fall and break her neck.
On the surface though, I didn’t give a single fuck.
“Don’t worry. I won’t.” I finished and slammed the door shut, ready to have that fucking day be over once and for all.
I made my way back into the living room area, picking up some magazines and then realizing there was so much shattered glass on the floor it was only a matter of time until I cut my bare feet.
“How am I going to replace that fucking vase...” I wondered out loud as I stared at the little glimmering pieces of clear glass scattered around the room. She loved that piece of shit.
And amongst the various items on the floor I spotted the cover of that stupid book I used to make fun of her for. That “Break-up bible” bullshit literature that she enjoyed reading so much.
Careful not to step on any cutting material, I bent over to pick it up and checked the page it had landed on, rolling my eyes when I read the title: “Don’t go back to them.”
Well fuck. She clearly didn’t pay much attention to this motherfucking book as I’d thought after all.
Fuck this.
Fuck her.
Fuck everyone.
The book was flying off my hand against a wall and landing on the floor with a loud thump before I could stop myself, running my fingers though my hair and pulling on the strands in frustration because I just didn’t know what to do with myself anymore.
How did I end up in this fucking situation again? Suffering for a woman who clearly doesn’t love me enough to stay by my side like I’d made myself believe for some fucking reason.
I thought I was done being messed with, being heartbroken.
Clearly I’d learned nothing.
Fuck everything.
I’m done.
Not caring about cutting myself anymore I simply walked towards my room and slammed the door shut so hard the walls around me quivered for a second, throwing myself on the bed and planning to sleep for the rest of my life.
But before my eyes could even close for too long I heard the front door being opened and closed. Of course I couldn’t get some peace of mind for two seconds straight. Why was I even surprised.
My heart started pumping, and I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins as I got up off the bed, throwing the sheets aside abruptly and swinging the door open with a force that made my shoulder resent. I was going to say to her face everything that I needed to say to feel some damn peace once and for all, since there was nothing much to lose anyways, but when my eyes met the scene I’d just left behind again, the little red piece of fabric on the couch caught my attention.
Her bag was next to the door.
Had she seen it?
“Y/n?” I called and it surprised me how shaky my voice was “Are you home?” I asked, almost scared of whatever answer I would get. If she was there I’d have to face her after days of hiding like a coward. If she wasn’t it could’ve only meant she came back home and left after seeing the place a mess.
Had she left because of that? Had she seen the thong? Was she mad? What did she fucking care anyways? She was already planning to leave me before I invited Cassandra over, so why would that affect her whatsoever? And where the hell had she gone without her purse?
The most bitter of chuckles erupted from my throat as I laid my head back on the couch and looked at the dusty ceiling that I’d never got around to cleaning because it was too goddamn high for any human sized being to reach, trying my hardest to keep those haunting thoughts out of my head for at least a single second before I went absolutely crazy.
Even though I hadn’t been drinking, in fact I hadn’t had a sip of alcohol since that night where we got wasted and everything changed, I felt dizzy and nauseous; I felt a headache coming and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wanted to sleep, stay awake, scream, break things, and especially kick myself in the ribs for ever thinking that there was such a thing as a happy ending for a person like me.
I knew better.
I’d known better for years until she’d showed up in my life.
How dared she come rushing into my life, giving me hope for the possibility of whatever shitty romantic story I had made up in my mind for the both of us only to wreck it all at the first opportunity of leaving with a better, wealthier option just because things got a little rough between us.
Did I ever even count as an option in her mind?
After all it wouldn’t be the first woman to walk away from me because I wasn’t good enough…
My hands held my temples for a moment, just resting there not knowing what the fuck to do with all those thoughts in my hands, moving my palms up and down trying to shake them away, harder with each stroke until my skin was almost burning. That sensation that had spread through my entire body had started way before that. It made my fingers ache with the need to punch thousands of holes through a thick concrete wall; it burned my stomach giving me the feeling that I wanted to throw up when I knew damn well that I hadn’t had a single bite that day. My chest from the sensation of something trapped under there trying to break free from the inside out. It burned my throat from all the times that I’d wanted to scream so loud I would scare my neighbors and held back because it seemed fucking ridiculous to react like that.
And most importantly it burned my eyes. My eyes were on fire and no matter how hard I rubbed them, the wetness threatening to cloud my sight refused to go away.
I was not going to cry.
I hadn’t cried in years and I wasn’t about to start again now.
Fuck…
Was it even fair to get mad at her? After all I couldn’t blame her for not feeling the same way I did. How many times had I done that to other women without a care in the world whether or not it broke their heart? Was all of this some sort of twisted payback for being a promiscuous son of a bitch for so fucking long? Was karma finally coming back to bite me in the ass?
So many questions and all I needed was to get them off my head for a goddamn while before I lost my mind.
Sitting around and just going back through everything that had happened was doing nothing for me. Thinking just wasn’t an option and if I ran my fingers through my hair one more fucking time I could bet I’d go bald.
And then there was, the knock on the door.
Finally the solution.
Exactly whatI needed to stop thinking once and for all.
“So no one has seen him?” You asked, checking back on the last cubicle you’d found to see if anyone knew where the hell he could be and getting nothing from a sorry expression and a shaking head from the person in front of you. An exasperated sigh escaped your lips “How is that possible?” Your foot accidentally stomped the ground, probably making you look like an idiot too old to be throwing a fit.
But lord knows you didn’t give a flying shit in that moment.
“Hey!” A familiar voice came from behind you but before you could turn around they were already touching your shoulder. It was Emma.
“Did you find him?” The question came out a little more hope filled than you would’ve liked, but the furrowed brows on your friend’s forehead gave the answer away even before she replied “No. Don’t say anything. Maybe it’s better like that.” You held a hand up to stop her from speaking before she could say anything as disappointing as the look on her face.
“Shut up and put that hand down.” She regained her breath after apparently rushing to find you and not-so-delicately grabbed your wrist to place your hand back where it was. You waited patiently for whatever she had to say, not daring to interrupt her again in case she decided to rip off one of your limbs. Lord knows she wasn’t a patient woman. “He’s not here. I just asked the receptionist and she told me he left with his stuff and looking quite shit. Her words not mine.” She showed her palms in demonstration of apparent innocence “He checked out and went home sick. He’s not here.” Her hands came down and grabbed your shoulders, shaking you back and forth lightly “You two need to talk right now.”
“What? Why. He doesn’t have any intention to keep in touch with me; he’s made that clear enough.” You removed her hands from your body “I mean he’s my roommate for fucks’ sake and I haven’t seen him in days! He hasn’t called or texted; or fucking knocked on my bedroom door which is exactly ten feet away from his. If he doesn’t wanna talk then fine, I’m not gonna beg. I’m done begging shit from men.” You finished crossing your arms defensively, and noticing the strange look the man still sitting on the cubicle next to both of you had on his face you turned around and simply decided to walk away from the situation.
The past month you’d had enough drama for a lifetime.
“Listen to me.” Emma caught up with you a few meters further “I know you haven’t told me everything. I know some weird shit is going on between the two of you but I don’t need explanation because contrary to popular belief I’m not stupid.” She spat out sarcastically pointing at herself “What I do know for sure is that you’re not the same woman now, that you were when you moved in with him. God knows what the fuck is going on in that apartment and for all I care the both of you might as well build a porno filming studio in there.” Your lip shot up in disgust unconsciously “But you’re different. And different for the better.” Her expression changed from slightly cynical to motherly just like only good old Emma could manage to do so gracefully “You’re a better version of yourself since you’ve been with him and I can tell! I know I’ve been completely missing since I’ve started dating that fucking idiot who I’m probably in love with , and so against my will by the way, but let’s not get too distracted with that for now and before you freak out we don’t have the time, I want you to grab your fucking shit, go down that fucking elevator, take a fucking cab and go back to your fucking apartment and talk to him.” She said without stopping for breath, impressing you greatly, and started pushing you toward your working spot, handed you your bag and keys, acting innocent when she accidentally dropped the bouquet of flowers on the floor and stepped on it “If you refuse I swear to god I’ll drag you there myself. I swear.” She repeated for emphasis.
“I wouldn’t doubt that.” A small smile grew up your lips and you couldn’t help but hug her tightly like you hadn’t had the chance to do in a while “Thank you.” You said sincerely, took a step back and turned around to leave “We’ll talk about the being in love part later though, don’t think you’re off the hook with that!”
“Yeah yeah…” She rolled her eyes but you caught a sparkle in her eyes you hadn’t seen in a while.
“Wait!” The heels of your boots almost failed you and if you hadn’t had that wall near your reach you would’ve probably broke your ass after slipping on the recently cleaned floor “What do we tell the boss? I can’t just leave in the middle of the day!” You asked desperately, fearing your entire plan could fail miserably from such a small detail.
“I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.” Her hand brushed you off unworriedly and you frowned questioning.
“How?” Your keys dangled in your hands, and you almost dropped them along with your jaw when the same hand formed a fist, came near hear mouth and in sync with her tongue made a gesture that brought images to your mind you wished you never would’ve had to see.
The disgust was too much, so you simply turned around and waved goodbye, hearing Emma’s loud laugh coming from behind you before the elevator doors appeared in front of you.
The cab couldn’t get home fast enough; and while you were silently damning the driver for taking such a long time, that one word you’d subconsciously thought of stuck in your mind.
Home… who would’ve known after such a short period of time, you would be calling a place you couldn’t have imagined even in your wildest dreams your home. But deep down, you knew it wasn’t the place itself that made you feel you belonged to it, the lovely neighbors or the amazing surrounding neighborhood; it was the person living in the next room, the one that had brightened up your days and picked you up when you were on the ground at your worst that made it seem like that.
You’d never wished so strongly that something wasn’t irreversibly broken.
Paying the driver and moving at an unsafely inhuman speed, your feet did their best not to have you trip and fall to your death as you were flying up the stairs, cursing yourself for being so out of shape after the first two flights when your breath was growing short and your heart was racing like it was about jump out of your chest.
The feelings you were experimenting could not quite be put into words, a mix of nervousness and excitement, hope and fear which grew with every passing second as you made your way up the last steps and saw the big golden numbers hanging on your door.
You noticed you hadn’t pulled out the keys, so ruffling through your back, your fingers grazed over every item until you felt the cold metal material. And as you were about to put it in the lock and twist it, you heard a slamming door coming from the inside, taking you by surprise and startling you immediately, becoming even more nervous now that you had confirmation that he was indeed in the apartment.
Opening the door finally, you took a deep breath to calm yourself down from the adrenaline pumping through your veins before swinging the metal surface open and widening your eyes as you were met with the scene before you.
The usually neatly placed cushions that belonged to the living room couch were thrown all around the apartment like a hurricane had just passed by; some glasses were broken on the floor, magazines thrown around and even the chairs looked like they’d been abruptly moved from where they usually rested in front of the small dining room table.
What the fuck had happened there?
Your brows furrowed deeply and your mouth dropped slightly as you slowly took a few steps inside the place, taking in everything that you were seeing and, no matter how hard you tried, not being able to process what could’ve happened inbetween the short period of time where you’d left the apartment that morning and Calum returned from work sick.
You weren’t exactly sure what it was, but something told you it wasn’t the best idea to call Calum’s name in the moment, so you didn’t. You just simply kneeled down next to the couch, intending to pick up one of your favorite furry cushions and put it back in place when something caught your attention; which was a lot to say considering the big chaos surrounding you was eye-catching as a whole.
There was the most miniscule piece of red fabric lonely lying on the floor of your apartment, your fingertips brushing on it slightly by accident and you noticed it was a very soft delicate red lace, not needing to pick it up to know that it was woman’s underwear and most certainly not yours.
Suddenly the scene around you made sense at last.
There hadn’t been a breaking, a sci-fi phenomenon where a tornado had spontaneously formed in your apartment, to wreck everything as it was, hadn’t happened. The mess you had then before your eyes was nothing but the result of one of Calum’s many female friends arriving and the situation probably getting a little too crazy. Your roommate himself had explained to you how kinky those ‘dates’ could get; but never in your life did you think that he would leave for work in the middle of the day, using the excuse that he was sick only to come back home to have a quick fuck with some stranger he would never talk to again.
That didn’t seem like the Calum you knew.
But then again, did you know him at all? After all, it was him who had stopped talking to you for whatever reason after he’d fallen asleep next to you result of a crazy drunk night like it was somehow your fault that things had gotten a little weird when in reality they didn’t have to be.
Surely that was the loud slamming you’d heard from outside as you were walking in, the two of them locking up in his bedroom to stay there for as many hours as the day had, him not giving a single shit whether you walked in on them or not.
Why would he?
Why were you even surprised?
It’s not like it was the first time you’d caught a man you had feelings for in bed with another woman. It’s not like it was the first time you were absolutely replaceable in the eyes of a man who meant a lot in your life.
Could it really be happening again?
Before you knew what was going or gave your mind time to process what things would be like from now on, you got up from the ground and started walking towards the door that you’d left open, each banging of your heels against the floor echoing through the walls of the place you thought was your home for a while, piercing your ears as you grabbed the doorknob and closed the door behind you a little too hard; not really knowing what to do or where to go from there.
romaincrisis
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