The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
Don’t let the title fool you. This book isn’t about teaching you not to give a fuck instead the author shares his viewpoint on a number of topics, most of them are backed up by his personal experiences.
The core message of the book is that you only have a limited amount of things you can care about or as Mark puts it “limited amount of fucks you can give” so wasting those on meaningless things will only bring you unhappiness. Instead you need to care about only the important things whatever they may be for you. Ask yourself the question “Does this really matter in the long run?” and I mean years, not days, weeks or even months. You need to get things in perspective.
People are persuaded to care about things that don’t bring any real value. They are artificial and yet there are many who care about them so deeply. One of the main reasons being that those things allow to receive validation from others. For many people other people’s approval is crucial. They try to impress those who couldn’t care less. Whether it be a purchase of a big house, new car or some other item that isn’t really needed and is a liability instead of an asset.
One of the quickest ways to be happy is to find what you stand for, what matters and what doesn’t and then stop caring about everything else. Majority of people live in their own worlds and for most they are their own priority.
At first it will be difficult, we are surrounded by things that try to persuade us to care about this and that but cut trough all that noise. None of it matters.
Another point made in the book is about problems. We get satisfaction from solving problems, that’s what most of our lives are based upon actually so when we a) don’t have any problems or b) have problems that we think we cannot solve, we look for new problems and most of the time we create problems where they shouldn’t be just so that we can solve them and get that dopamine rush. It is also pointed out that we just upgrade our problems as our lives go on. So find problems you are happy to solve instead of creating problems that will bring you nothing.
The point that I could relate to the most at this current moment is about pain and suffering. We all experience it, there’s no avoiding at least some sort of pain in our lives and if you do try to avoid it then you will only bring more pain and unhappiness down the road so find pain that you want to experience, that won’t feel like pain or at least pain you can live through to get a better result. For me it is hard work and any pain related to it and I don’t mean pulling all nighters or sacrificing incredible amounts, I mean this in the healthiest way possible.
Recently I have started to go to the gym a lot more often, I have fallen in love with the pain associated with it. I love to push my body beyond the limits set in my mind, the day that follows an intense workout can be hell sometimes. Every single part can hurt but getting up and getting on with things feels good because not giving up feels great.
Another pain that I’m happy to feel is that of doing things that I know I need to do but do not want to, whether it’s work, or a tasks I’ve been putting off or whatever it may be because these small victories are my fuel.
So the takeaway from this is that you need to figure out what matters to you, you need to find what pain you are willing to feel because it’s unavoidable either and you need to find problems which when solved will make your life better. Obviously the book has plenty more of information I haven’t covered so it would be wise to read it since it’s not that long and the advice given in it is life changing if it is implemented.