intimacy & tomorrow

lisa; she/they, 28, professionally diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type), asthma, pcos & fibromyalgia living with chronic pain and fatigue vent blog/side blog / +everything found here is ok 2 reblog (main blog is desireearmfeldt)

[physichotic]

yesterday i was tired and today i was tired and tomorrow i will be tired and the day after that i will be tired and

[akindplace]

Crazyheadcomics on instagram

[physichotic]

day 1 on pregablin:

i hate it? i was restless for half the night & hyperaware of my entire body until i fell asleep and now i've been drowsy all morning. gonna keep taking it to see if it helps with the pain and everything else. i just hope it doesn't make me gain too much weight.

[physichotic]

i forgot to update but it was giving me suicidal thoughts within the first week so i quit. i wasn't on it long enough to care that i quit cold turkey but don't follow my example with this.

anyway back to the drawing board

[physichotic]

if i could go ONE YEAR without getting a chest infection that'd be great. i don't think i'm even asking for much really.

[physichotic]

it's so early in the year too which means that i have more to look forward to as the year winds down.

[physichotic]

if i could go ONE YEAR without getting a chest infection that'd be great. i don't think i'm even asking for much really.

[physichotic]

day 1 on pregablin:

i hate it? i was restless for half the night & hyperaware of my entire body until i fell asleep and now i've been drowsy all morning. gonna keep taking it to see if it helps with the pain and everything else. i just hope it doesn't make me gain too much weight.

[physichotic]

hi!!!!!! it's been a while.

so basic update:

the way my physical health and mental health have been holding hands for the past few years (they're like sisters at this point) is a mess.

thankfully i haven't had any psychotic episodes since 2019 but the negative symptoms are very much present. my emotions have been pretty blunted. it's like living in a haze. i got a psych referral to deal with it. but it's kind of terrifying. like just a little bit. not feeling things strongly and not paying too much attention to my life has become an (unfortunate) coping method for dealing with my life.

physically everything is a nightmare. my nephew gets the cold every other week and then so do i which always comes with asthma attacks where i need to be nebulized so that's fun. post exertional malaise is beating my ass. i went to the beach and i was out for three weeks. play with my nephew and i'm in pain for days. went to my rheum appointment last week and i'm still in shambles.

they switched out the amitriptyline for pregablin (for the pain, migraines & tremors) and referred me to physical therapy (for my fibro) and cardiology (for possible POTs). so fingers crossed that i'll start to see some improvement in the near future.

like i want to have faith that my health will be more bearable one day so i'm just over here. trying

[physichotic]

a combination of extreme heat and saharan dust has had me out of sorts for months now. all of my symptoms have worsened because of it. it's just daily.

fatigue

brain fog

body aches

joint pain

dizziness

lightheadedness

difficulty breathing

wheezing

nausea

migraines

chest pains

on top of that my sister and her bf got covid twice in the span of two months and both times i had to take care of their very, very active toddler until they were done with their isolation.

between all of this and my clinic appointments, post exertional malaise has been beating my ass. i hope i get some semblance of energy back soon so i can return here (being too tired for tumblr sounds funny but there it is) cuz fucking around on twitter has gotten very boring to me.

[bellossom]

getting older is great idk why there’s this lie that “omg as soon as you hit 25 ur life is over and ur old” like no you get older and gain wisdom and confidence and imo you get even better looking as you age, like you learn sooo so much and I still have SO much life left to live, there’s so much left to see in this life :o)

[akindplace]

Mahoukarp

[catnippackets]

truly the end goal is not "my close friends aren't annoyed by me and it's all in my head, they're my friends and they love me", it's "sometimes I do annoy my close friends, just as the people I love most will also annoy me sometimes, because this is normal, and we will continue to stay friends, and they're not going to want to immediately cut me out of their life if I do something annoying once in a while"

[fablefire]

Existing is hard.

[spoonless-cyborg]

I need a sign that says “my other disability is a bad attitude”

[ashstfu]

it’s so crazy having a follower base on tumblr knowing full well it’s not based on selfies or anything like people are here for your crazy twisted mind. i feel like nietzsche

[physichotic]

so i finally got my diagnosis of fibromyalgia. they seem to be pinning all of my problems on the fibro which i expected.

they prescribed me amitriptyline for a three month trial. but it's an antidepressant and i react very badly to antidepressants 😬.

the rheumatologist claims that it should relieve all of my symptoms from pain, fatigue, headaches, rapid heart rate, tingling & numbness, neck instability etc. i remain dubious but we'll see i guess.

either way i'm glad to put a name to the symptoms that have been wreaking havoc on my life for the past decade.

[cryptid-corpse]

That fact that I am insane is just part of my charm

[feveredcharm]

any other spoonies have that thing where you're in pain but you're so used to it you don't do anything to make it better? Like you could take ibuprofen or drink water or use the heating pad or whatever but it's just going to come back later and you're tired now anyway so you just meh can't be bothered