Bittersweet Salvations

Filled with passion and purpose.

[bittersweetnspicy]

Vulnerability

Awkward. Umm okay... Right.. I feel you. It's embarrassing. But in reality, it is expressive. And more than anything, It's OKAY. It sucks. It is uncomfortable. But, sometimes it's just what you have to do. Or maybe.. Suck it up. I don't know. Grateful for my friends who I can be myself with at anytime and never worry about their judgement, or inconveniencing them. I hope I can make all of my friends feel that way all the time. That's love.

[bittersweetnspicy]

Maybe the reason we can't remember anything is because we live everyday in a rush.

Yours truly.

[bittersweetnspicy]

SprangTermBetche’z

Is this term over yet?

Shoot.

Super crazy term, just because it’s my first term at UO taking 17 credits. NOT DOING THAT AGAIN. Or...at least any time soon..

Wow, I can’t believe it’s almost summer.

I’m about to lose my shit because Dahlia is moving.

LIKEWHY?

Just kidding. In all reality, I can’t be anything but happy/excited for her. Also real grateful that she can give me really great advice. She’s definitely someone I look up to.

In fact, I realize my closest friends are all people I look up to in one way or another.

Monica for her spontaneous attitude but clear head, so she doesn’t do anything REALLY stupid.. haha.

Jessica for finding her passion and making a living out of it. Super cool.

Dahlia for challenging herself and dominating in pretty much everything she’s ever done.

Paulina for her free spirit, style of approaching conflict, and being realistic. I’m encouraged by her realism and by her success and her drive to try new things.

I’m surrounded by people with amazing qualities, and I am very encouraged by them.

I can’t thank my friends enough. 

I’ve only been going to UO for 2 terms, and I feel as though I’ve already made a good set of lifelong friends.

My new fave coworker Justin! Instant click. I just love everything he has to say. He’s so young but so mature, I can’t imagine how much stuff I wouldn’t have gone through if I was as mature as he is. And he’s also a PR major!

Eduardo, my study buddy in j201. ALSO A PR MAJOR! And econ.. yuck.. Eduardo cracks me up because he’s got his shit together, but he never stops singing Beyonce.

And all my band mates.

I love all my band mates.

They’re all so unique and so talented. But mostly, just real fun to be around. No body is a Debbie-Downer. Everyone is really fair and caring. But we all want the same thing, good music, and a good time! It works out real well.

 People are really liking us around town. I’m also getting a lot more serious about Soul Vibrator. Our summer is going to be ROCKIN!

I’m mostly looking forward to summer because i can’t wait to just chill with Alex. But, I’m also really excited for him to just chill. I hope he just enjoys himself so much, and really relaxes. Just like my friends, he’s an incredible inspiration and a perfect example of a hard worker. He deserves a break!

There are no words to explain him.

So with that, I leave a super boring no moral to the story just a lame blabbin’ blog of this last term.

Finals, bring it on!

Cuz I got this turtle floatie, and I can’t wait to try it out

namastae.

<3

[bittersweetnspicy]

Never have I ever...

Cried so many happy tears... It's a real thing.

[bittersweetnspicy]

A step ahead..

I'm thankful because I'm at a place where people don't usually get to until they're old. I mean, hella old. I know what I want so I am going to get it without all the bullshit in the way. I've realized how to have relationships with people without worrying about being myself all the time. You may have met me today, but I will act like I've known you forever. If someone asks me if I want something, I will say yes or no, or say what I want. I've come to realization that it is not polite to say no when you want to say yes. I'm at a place where I hope many can come to real soon. Doing what is best for yourself is the most important thing you can do. I've realized that. I'm self centered. Sure. Whatever. I really don't care, because at the end of my life, it's not going to matter to me if what I did was best for you, but if it was best for me. This is a sign of self love. Confidence. Surrounding myself with people like me isn't always easy because at 24, there aren't many of us. There are many, people pleasers. Not many me pleasers. That's what I am. A me pleaser. Jump on my wagon. It's feels so free here!

[bittersweetnspicy]

Curiosity burns us, but it’s not always worth the scar.

Me, myself, Mira.

Tell me when you’re ready. I want to say.

How do you feel though? Does it ever cross your mind? I’ll never actually ask.

Should I?

Life has ups and downs and we all go through different struggles and obstacles. Fortunately for me, I’ve lived 24 years so far and they’ve been great years.

When you’re aware of something that has happened to someone else is it better to say something about it right away? Hell yah. Get that elephant out of the room!

But.. What if it happened years ago? What if it’s to someone you love now but didn’t even know when they went through their painful time. What if they’re still struggling with it and you don’t know how to bring it up? Should you bring it up?

What would you gain? Great, now your curiosity isn’t there anymore. Or Oh shit… I just messed up, because they really didn’t want to talk about it. Or. They were having a really good day, and now it’s shot to hell.

Yeah.

I’m afraid. I’m actually afraid.

I just don’t say anything, but i want to, I really really want to…

[bittersweetnspicy]

Find Yourself Before Helping Someone Else Find Themselves.

It's so easy to drown yourself into someone else's needs and wants. To stop what you're doing and change your entire focus on them because of the love you feel for them. Don't forget to love you. Don't forget that you can't love them if you lose your love for yourself. It's so easy to forget who we are or who we were before when we have a dramatic life change. It is hard to take responsibility because you feel like you've given someone else your full attention and energy but they haven't done the same for you, then you feel the need to blame them. You're wrong. It's up to you. Find your balance. This is the beautiful thing about you. If you can do something purely out of love and not out of the need to do it, or the hope that they'll also do it for you then you'll feel good when you do it and only good. When you've reached that spot, That's how you know you're in a good place.

[bittersweetnspicy]

Status: The Sweetest Thing I've Ever Known

It’s beautiful to me the way you work. I appreciate that your focus is yourself and you let me be a part of you. It means a lot to me because I know that’s not your norm. I respect it. I admire your lifestyle and I admire your passions. I want to do nothing but encourage you, support you, and help you with your strength when you struggle. Nothing feels better than being supported and appreciated.

[bittersweetnspicy]

Don’t take this the wrong way but...

I don’t really care about what you think.

I don’t care if you feel like I’m not spending enough time with you.

I do what I want.

I will not ask you how you feel.

I will not ask you what you want me to do.

I don’t care.

I will care when you need me.

I will care when you want me.

But for the most part, I DO ME.

and I want you, to just do you.

I don’t need your reassurance.

I don’t need your permission.

I don’t need your approval.

I will give you support.

I will give you love.

But, I won’t change my ways because of you.

 I do me, so you do you.

[bittersweetnspicy]

First come, first serve. That’s you.

It sucks when you’re comfortable with something but then realize you’re better off with another situation instead. 

But you feel committed or that you hold some sort of responsibility towards something.

in certain situations it’s true.

If you bring a child into the world, that’s on you.

But in many situations, friendships, relationships, or jobs, you come first.

Your health.

Your happiness.

Your well-being.

YOUR HEALTH.

YOUR HAPPINESS.

YOUR WELL-BEING.

do what you gotta do to get that.

Just don’t be a dick about it.

<3

[bittersweetnspicy]

What kind of friend are you?

Your jealousy is ugly. Your paranoia is pathetic. And your lies disgust me. Or: Your support is up lifting. Your confidence is beautiful. And your honesty is appreciated.

[bittersweetnspicy]

i n d e p e  n d e n t

intense

naive

deep

expressive

patient

entertaining

nosy

dominant

extreme

nervy

tough

yet sensitive.

[bittersweetnspicy]

Before I was a listener, I was a writer.

Me.

Does that look weird to you?

It looks weird to me, because I’ve only heard this said by so many “writers.”

“Before I was a writer, I was a listener.”

I get it, makes sense.. However..

Doesn’t fit me.

I’ve always been one to write what’s inside me, and for me. I may post it on a blog and you may be able to see it, but it’s really just my outlet.  How dumb would this post look on Facebook?

Anyway.

I just am sick of seeing the same thing by multiple writers. I guess if it’s true to them that’s all that matters, but this is my blog, and I choose to rant about this. And you’re reading it.

Before you’re listening to anyone else, look inside you.

Listen to you.

Write your own stuff, for yourself. Do your own stuff, for yourself. We base too many things off of what other people are expecting, or get joy out of.

It can cross the line, and make us lose ourselves.In fact, my blog has helped me keep myself together, considering I started it after I was worried of losing myself, and becoming someone else. I couldn’t tell you exactly why I was worried, but I can say that I went through a big life change, and this is how I’ve dealt through it all.

Write what you like.

[bittersweetnspicy]

What you do today can shape tomorrow, but what you did yesterday can stay.

[bittersweetnspicy]

A flight of life

Nonetheless I am Feeling blessed Although I'm up here with a tight chest. Seeing the world One bye one As I watch the sun rise I take time to realize I'm Learning more and more as I thrive Doing more and more with each stride Although it feels like I could do more I still give myself a perfect score Accomplishments made are not just success But moments to remember, an ease of stress. Young and fun that's what I like to say Or that fun is my middle name But the music helps me more than anything else Brings us together, regardless of anything else Life can sometimes be a bumpy ride We want to give up, run and hide But we find our strength no matter where it's from As long as you bounce back, and wake up with the sun We get scarred from moments that only mattered to us And it prevents us from enjoying the things we must Forget your fears and live to learn Forget your pains and take a wild turn Stop saying you can't or you're afraid Believe in yourself it's the only way Things that live within the head Can haunt us, or drive us dead Take a deep breath. Find what works. Don't run away. Face it. Challenge it. Accomplish it. Whatever it is, you may know. Where ever it is, you will go. New month, new adventures.

[bittersweetnspicy]

Summer 2015

Well, it’ almost over.

My first summer as a single adult.

I’M NOT READY FOR IT TO BE OVER!

This summer I established some of the greatest relationships I will ever have.

I met the greatest people, and reconnected with old pals.

I took summer classes for the first time, passed all of them as usual.

English class was the best class I’ve ever taken, I encourage everyone to try summer school because it was not that bad at all.

I’ve left my Starbucks, the one I’ve worked at for 5 years.

I started the summer out kind of shitty.

I wrecked my car aka, my baby! Loved that thing, bought it right after high school.

My mom went to Kenya for two months so I drove her Highlander.

<3 SUV’s.

That was cool becuse I was able to drive my friends places, Imean we went to the coast, and to music festivals, the country fair, so convenient.

Human nature was hella fun.

We camped, I haven’t camped in so long, and I’ve never camped at a Dubstep music festival where the music NEVER stopped… i still slept through it though.

I threw a Fourth of July party/bbq.

OFF THE HIZZLE.

We were out partying in my neighborhood until 2:40 am.

My neighbors had no problem with it at all, I appreciate them so much.

August was BOMB!

Started off with the Whitaeker Block Party that my band killed it at.

DAMN WE KILLED IT.

I love those boys more than I ever thought I could.

<3 bandfamily

The rest of August was just more parties and shows.

We played at the 2nd annual Festival of Eugene, and a house party.

That was supa fun.

Lots of goodbye parties!

It didn’t stop there,

September has been the greatest.

I’ve been hiking a lot!

I went to Michigan, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

I ate the things I can’t get here, except for Dunkin Donuts, I didn’t fall into that trap.

i had The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf  and Cold Stone Creamery!

So bummed we don’t have those in my hometown but….

I AM SO GRATEFUL TO LIVE IN THE PACIFIC NORTH WEST!

The air is clean, the people are weird, and there’s so much more coffee!

I saw like 5 Starbucks’s….

Not cool.

I’m used to seeing like 20..

Really an amazing trip though.

I’ve never seen the slums like I did in Detroit.

BOMB FOOD THOUGH.

GREEK SALAD EVERYDAY <3

Went to the Jazz festival where Pat Matheney played. My second time seeing him live.

I met a fantastic jazz singer named Carmen Lundy, and got her album.

Went to the Motown Museum. Music runs through my veins, and that was the best place for me. I wish I could’ve spent more time there but they only do tours.

In Ohio we went to the Rock N Roll hall of fame!

We got there at 10am and left at 5:30 and that still wasn’t enough time.

I could spent a couple days in there. Learning of all the history of the music I listen to today.

THE BEATLES my favorite band of all time, i legitimately cried watching their documentaries, I didn’t even get to watch them all.

I am defnitely going back there.

So grateful for my dad for introducing me to all these wonderful things.

In Pennsylvania we went to Pittsburgh.

Do all the cities in Pennsylvania start with a P?

Got a beef steak sand which because that’s what you do in Pennsylvania.

BOMB.

Went to a Pittsburg Pirates baseball game, really good game!

But that was the nicest baseball park I’ve been to, and I’ve been to

SafeCo, Dodgers Stadium, Fenway Park, Comerica Park, and now PNC Park.

I’m getting around!

One thing i’ve definitely come to conclusion to is that I’d really like to see more of the United States. I always say,  I want to go to Paris or Italy! But going to on this trip showed me that the USA is just as good

I learned so much history, of my home country.

I saw so much different architecture and life styles.

Different food, different buildings, different lifestyle, DIFFERENT CULTURES!

Just because it’s in the same country doesn’t mean that it’s not a whole new world.

Defnitely gotta make it to New Orleans, Arizona (Grand Canyon), Oklahoma, Tennessee… I’m heading to Colorado, love it there.

Now I’m at my families house, jet lagged in St. Helens, Or.

We are spreading my Aunts ashes today, my dads sister died in April.

My cousins are here from California and it has been an absolute freakin blast.

I’m so grateful for this family reunion. We won’t ever let it go this long again.

I know when I’m older my cousins and I will stay in touch better than our parents have.

We have been talking, eating, drinking, smoking, laughing.

Love these people I share a last name with.

I was really excited to go home, but now that i’m alomst there I’m wishing my trip was just starting.

Back to reality.

I miss my girl friends!

Today is our first soccer game, then we will probably hot tub.

The night won’t end there,

There’s only one week left before school starts, so I look forward to partying every night.

I’m fixin’ to sleep.

as bae would sae.

<3

Toods y’all.

XoXo

Samira <3

[bittersweetnspicy]

I’m back.

It’s been forevs since I posted on here.

TOO MUCH HAS BEEN GOING ON!

Lets see...

I’ve gotten my associates degree! (yay me!)

I’ve done jazz combo’s and joined a band called Soul Vibrator (check it out)

I’ve gained like 15lbs (ew but whatever idc)

I’m moving to a new Starbucks.

I wrecked my car and got a newer better one. (still sucks I wrecked mine)

I think one of my friends passed away. (wtf, how do I think but not know?)

I’ve actually had a crush, which idk if I ever have before, but I found out my crush has a crush on me. (crush crush crush)

I took summer classes.

My vegetable garden sucked this year, but is delicious.

I went to a couple Music festivals.

I went to the Oregon Country Fair. (How was this my first year?)

I joined International Fitness and I’m obsessed with PIYO!

I couldn’t be happier.

<3