Tumblr's resident creepy old guy

Hi, I'm Keith. Gay cis male, he/him, high-level ADHD, Canadian of Irish descent, older than I look. Fan of Onward, Dead End, musicals (esp. Beetlejuice and School of Rock – Alex Brightman gives me life), good music, good food and good fun. Sometimes I write, and I'm trying to get back into drawing. ZIONISTS, MAGA MORONS, CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISTS, TERFS, TRANSPHOBES & HOMOPHOBES FUCK OFF AND DIE HORRIBLY

[bjfinn]

NEW & IMPROVED MASTER LIST

GUARANTEED TO WORK OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

(TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY 😜)

Since my first attempt at a Master List seems to have gone completely on the fritz now (probably because I changed my URL after doing the links!), I've made a new one.

I've also added the title of each story in its own tags in case this sort of thing should happen again -- that way you can just look for the one you want to read by searching for the title in the hashtags, or to find all of them together: #bjfinn writing or #bjfinn poetry.

Also, I'm starting to draw again! You can find my art at: #bjfinn art.

STORIES

Beetlejuice

1. Three Ghosts and a Baby (AU)

2. Imaginary Friends (AU)

3. Hellhound

4. Beej on a Hot Tin Roof

5. Demons Have Feelings, Too

6. Birds of a Feather

7. How to Train Your Demon

8. Shadow Work

9. A Day at the Beach

10. Star Light, Star Bright

11. Movie Night

12. Turkey Day

13. Tango Argentino

14. Midnight Musings

15. Mommy Dearest

16. Spores

17. Shutterbug

18. Misinterpreted

19. Harry's Quest

20. Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

21. Mother's Day

22. Rampage

23. Truth or Dare

24. Goth and Ghoul

25. Father's Day

26. Lily

27. Healing Circle

28. Petey

29. The Trial of Otho Fenlock

30. Alphabet Soup

Foul Play

1. The Egg-Man

2. PopChat

School of Rock

1. 'Tis the Season

2. Something Special

3. Double Date

Spamalot

1. The Horned One

Crossovers

1. One Last Chance (BJTM/SoR/Deadbeat)

2. High Noon at the Gardner Hotel (BJTM/Deadbeat)

3. The Ghost and Mr Finn (BJTM/SoR)

4. Book of Shadows (BJTM/SoR/TWoE)

5. Holiday Plans (BJTM/SoR)

6. Chaos and Candy Canes (BJTM/SoR)

7. The Great Christmas Potato War of 2023 (BJTM/SoR)

8. Candid Confessions (BJTM/SoR)

Candid Confessions (Version 2.0)

9. Together Forever (BJTM/SoR)

10. Somebody to Love (BJTM/SoR)

11. Beej, Book and Candle (BJTM/TWoE)

12. Partners (BJTM/Deadbeat/SoR)

13. Ghost in the Museum (BJTM/Deadbeat/SoR)

14. The Babysitter (BJTM/TWoE)

15. Nowhere Man (Foul Play/Deadbeat)

Non-Fandom

1. Just Cloth and Stuffing

Collaborative RPG

The wonderful @hoodoo12 introduced me to a two-player collaborative journalling RPG called Tether, by Adam Baffoni – she's uploaded it to AO3, and is now posting it chapter by chapter here on Tumblr (and I'm reblogging it, of course!). I can honestly say that this is the best thing I've ever (co-)written.

You can find the Intro, where she explains the premise of the game, here.

Chapter 1 Chapter 7 Chapter 13

Chapter 2 Chapter 8 Chapter 14

Chapter 3 Chapter 9 Chapter 15

Chapter 4 Chapter 10 Chapter 16

Chapter 5 Chapter 11 Chapter 17

Chapter 6 Chapter 12 Chapter 18

Since Tumblr only allows 100 links per post, I've had to split up my master list. Unfortunately, I can't have two pinned posts, so you can find Part II here.

[bjfinn]

Happy 250th birthday to my neighbour Sam.

Wishing you a swift recovery from the orange virus that has infected your soul.

[tsunflowers]

I feel bad for people who’ve never experienced a corn maze bc it’s not even fun but you just have to do it

[tsunflowers]

I'd like to reblog this with some tags and comments bc I've really appreciated reading them

people who get what I mean:

people who have found a way to have fun in the corn maze but who I'm a little worried about:

person who we are going to put in the corn:

[bjfinn]

No, thanks – I've read Stephen King.

[green-is-gay]

i dont WANT pride months to be over,

on the other hand...

[headpainmigraine]

It's coming....

[bjfinn]

Just finished reading The Mark of Zorro by Johnston McCulley – the first novel I've read to completion in ten years.

[depsidase]

[bjfinn]

Slowly but surely putting the weight I lost (~40 lbs, due to extreme stress) back on – soon I'll have to start strength training.

[bjfinn]

Karaoke night, part 2.

I thought I had started off too low on this one but I did better than I'd thought, if I do say so meself.

(My friend started recording a wee bit too early lol)

[bjfinn]

Karaoke night at Duffy's.

I don't think I did too badly.

[bjfinn]

Just got logged out of FB Messenger and now when I try to log back in I get "an error occurred, please try again". The same thing happened several months ago with Facebook (but only on one of my tablets – with Messenger I'm logged out on both tablets.

And a friend told me the same thing just happened to her as well.

Now I'm wondering how long I'll have Facebook at all – or Instagram, for that matter.

I've known for a long time that Meta sucks, but this is complete and utter bullshit.

Anyway, I'm trying to get started with Google messages, but I can't get past this part:

It's all very frustrating – texting is how I keep in touch with people. And none of my irl friends are on Tumblr.

Looks like I'm going to end up a lonely old man. 😔

Edit: I'm logged back in! (Who knows for how long, though?)

[petrovalineconstellations]

So if for some goddamn reason you still have tiktok? Maybe delete it

This shit is dystopian as fuck

Delete it as soon as you can do not fucking use the app at all

[crow-caller]

Yeah, so, "TikTok is officially under the control of a cadre of pro-Trump billionaires including Larry Ellison."

[bjfinn]

Why are you so handsome?

Good genes and gay pride. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[bjfinn]

I hope the Fire Horse drowns in a flood.

[hoodoo12]

Tether (18/18)

intro, chap 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17

@bjfinn @hesawifebeaterdanusethegun

September 15 2025

I’m eating a black forest cupcake in honor of you, BJ. I don’t think you’ll be reading this but it just felt like I should, idk, write this. And say your name like you said. I won’t forget you. We were thrown together for some reason that I’m not smart enough to understand and I think we did our best. It’s almost 11pm, I’m sitting in front of the window that looks out over Main Street, eating this cupcake and you know what? I’m going to scream your name out the window and up to the sky. My throat hurts now. I really screamed it. This sucks. All this is happening, and for what? We were told about this, recruited into it. Why? So we can be even more scared? Like we were some insignificant pieces on a cosmic chess board being moved against our wills for the amusement of . . . who? What? Why US. I’m sorry BJ. I wish I could have actually met you. I hate that you wrote that you “let everyone down.” You didn’t. If I had tried to deal with this myself I don’t even know what I would have done. Gone literally crazy, I think. No one else seems to notice or care or something. You did. You helped. You made a difference. Thank you for all the time you spent with me. Okay okay okay— Jesus. Writing in this journal has become a habit. I have to get this down. 

Everything went quiet outside. Then this mist, this fog, came in. Wrong time of year, wrong time of day for it. Whatever. That’s not even a blip on the radar at this point. It . . . erased the town. I couldn’t see other buildings or the streetlights or anything. But the Man in Black was there. Staring up at my window. At ME. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to scream your name and call him a fucking asshole and how I hated him, but I couldn’t get the words out. He made this weird little motion with his hand. Kind of a flicking motion. Up towards me. He’d never moved like that before— The next second it felt like I’d fallen into stinging nettles. Instant pain on my face and neck. I rubbed at them stupidly and they came out in my hand. BJ said they look like little shards of glass. He was right. Like when it happened to him, they dissolved too. I can still feel them in me, though. I got marked, just like BJ had been. When I had the ability to look out the window again, the Man was gone. The fog wasn’t though.

I’m writing this fast, because I don’t know how much more time I have

I went to the door. In the time it took me to cross my room (like six steps), the Man in Black had gotten from outside on the street to standing outside my door. I couldn’t see his eyes behind the glass in his mask. I couldn’t see him breathing. He held out his hand, palm up, to me. This is my last entry. It’s important.

If you’ve found this, consider it a curse. For those around you, however, it will hopefully be a blessing. This place is haunted by something sinister. What it is, we don’t exactly know and who we are, well that isn’t important. By the time you’ve found this we are undoubtedly dead, but we’ve used what may be our last moment to make a deal with something we can’t comprehend; a deal which ended in the creation of this journal. It is our understanding that whatever the terror that haunts this place is, it appears only periodically. Once every generation, it emerges from whatever dark pit it inhabits to feed on the fear and panic of the people. And for this, we must believe it has a weakness. Were it to stay here terrorizing us, we may be able to learn how to stop it. But showing up for a fleeting few days each generation, it is always an unexpected and new threat, preying on the unsuspecting and ignorant. That is why we created this journal. In the span of a few days, one cannot alone learn how to stop it, but if we can work together through the barrier of time, the key to setting ourselves free may not be so far out of reach.  This journal will connect you to another point in time. When, exactly, we do not know. What we do know is that the journal will only be found by someone who is in danger. If you have found this, we are sorry. May whoever is on the other side have the clues that can help you survive what you are about to endure.

I know it’s you behind that mask, BJ. I don’t know how you did it or what kind of crazy sci-fi time loop thing you managed to make happen (must have been because you read so much) (or maybe those glass nettles accidently pushed you into this and you did the same to me!) (I’m not angry!), but now this Terror has two people to take the fight to the next two that get this journal. I think next time is going to work. I’m scared, but I’m not. I’m going to take your hand, BJ, and see what happens.  

[bjfinn]

I still can't get over the ending that @hoodoo12 came up with! When I'd said that I couldn't see any way for BJ to survive, she told me that she had some ideas – I never in a million years would've ever thought of this! It's absolutely perfect.

Thank you, @hoodoo12 , for this wonderful ride.

[hoodoo12]

Tether (17/18)

intro, chap 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16

@bjfinn @hesawifebeaterdanusethegun

Sunday Feb 21st, 1993

After reading your last entry, I decided to confront Tom – at first he denied knowing anything about the Terror, but after I roughed him up a bit, he admitted having heard of it. He showed me the newspaper clippings you found – turns out he was hiding them from everyone, because he wasn't sure if they were authentic (though he had a feeling they were).

I asked him if he remembered anything happening 30 years ago where a bunch of people died, but he shook his head and said he didn't remember anything like that. I believe he was telling the truth.

He said he doesn't know anything about what the Terror is or where it's from, but he thinks it's been around since prehistoric times. He also has no clue how to defeat it.

Anyway, I suspect that whatever happens now in 1993 is what drives him to drink.

You know, it wouldn't surprise me if this thing was the inspiration for Pennywise – and for Lovecraft's Great Old Ones.

So now I'm sitting here in my study with a glass of 20-year-old Glenlivet (which I'd been saving for a special occasion, but what the hell, right?), wondering what to do.

I feel like I have all the pieces of the puzzle, but I just can't put them together. No, I'm missing something – I have to be. Some tiny little thing ...

I'm scared, Krista. Khar'zul knows who I am, where I live ... I'm a threat to it, and it's not gonna let me live. I DON'T WANNA DIE. Please let me live.

I'm no hero, I'm just a dude who runs a bookstore.

I've thought about running away, just taking off for New York, LA, London, Paris ... but I can't just abandon everyone in town to save myself. Maybe you were right, maybe this thing needs a sacrifice, and maybe this time it's me.

It's not fair, you know? I'm only 42. Clinton and Gore were just inaugurated! I want to see what the future holds. I want to meet the daughter of Mark and Linda Bloom, who told me just this morning that they're expecting their first child. They didn't understand why I burst into tears at the news.

I wanted so much to tell them about you, Krista, about what an amazing woman you become ... but of course I didn't.

I wish there was someone who could tell me what to do. Where's the Man in Black now? I really could use your help, dude.

I know one thing – I don't manage to defeat this thing, otherwise it wouldn't exist in 2025. And since you don't know who I am, that means that I die. And all memories of me are erased from the world.

But this journal ... this journal exists outside Time, I think. And if so, then it will be the only record of my existence. I need you to remember me, Krista – the only afterlife that I know for certain exists is in the memories of those who knew us.

And remember when I said that names have power? Say my name, Krista. Say my name and keep me alive.

I'm sorry I can't figure out what we need to do – I know I'm letting you down. I always let everyone down. Story of my life.

I can sense it coming for me – it's like an itch in my brain.

I'm scared.

I don't know how much longer I've got before it gets me, so I want to say that it's been a real pleasure getting to know you, Krista Bloom – your parents must be so proud of you! Tell them they raised one helluva badass daughter!

Something is scratching at my back door. I don't think it's a raccoon.

My birthday is on Friday – February 26th. Wish I could be there.

I wish I could have a black forest cake for my birthday – that's always been my fav

[bjfinn]

GOBLIN: MACBETH AT THE CENTAUR THEATRE

On 15 March of this year, I attended a performance of "Goblin: Macbeth" at the Centaur Theatre in Old Montreal. Unfortunately, I completely forgot to post a review until now. Ah, well – better late than never ...

For those of you who haven't heard of this play, the premise is as follows: three goblins (Wug, Kragva, and Moog) have come across a copy of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, and have taken over a theatre in order to stage one of the plays – not surprisingly, they've chosen "Macbeth", one of the Bard of Avon's bloodiest (they are goblins, after all).

What ensues over the next 90 minutes is gloriously chaotic, with the three goblins playing multiple roles (often in the same scene), impromptu interactions with the audience and "theatre staff" (at one point, the "manager" barges in and tells the goblins that they have to leave, whereupon they take him and his two "assistants" hostage and pretend to kill him offstage – although Wug is then berated by his wife, Kragva, for actually having murdered him lol)

Moog, the teenage son, provides the music for the play, although in one scene he decides to play a bal-musette, the stereotypical "Parisian café" music. When Wug objects, Moog pointedly asks him if he's got something against the French, to the delight of the audience (this is Montreal, remember!) – Kragva, playing Macbeth's hired assassin, then decides to do her lines in a French accent.

During the climactic battle scene, audience participation reaches its peak, with Kragva conscripting everyone into the King of Scotland's army.

In short, this was a wonderful romp – and a surprisingly faithful (if abridged) adaptation of the Scottish Play. If you get a chance to see it, then do yourself a favour and go see it – you won't be disappointed.

[bjfinn]

NEW & IMPROVED MASTER LIST

PART II

Since Tumblr only allows 100 links per post, I've had to split up my master list. Unfortunately, I can't have two pinned posts, so I'll put the link to this one in Part I.

POETRY

1. An Cú Dubh (The Black Dog)

2. To Sleep

3. The Might of the Fight

4. Holes

5. Bang in the Night

SONG PARODIES

1. Deck the Halls

2. Supermarket Blues

3. The Ides is Nigh

4. The Senators' Picnic

5. Summertime

TV COMMERCIAL PARODIES

1. That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles

2. You're Not You When You're Hungry

ANECDOTES

1. Salad Days

2. One is the Loneliest Number

3. Big Tipper

4. Yes, We Have No Bread Today

5. Under Pressure

6. A Cashier's Life: Shopping Etiquette

7. Shelter From the Storm

8. Too Good to Beet Root

9. Brain Food

10. Satan's Brew

11. Feed Me

ADVENTURES IN COOKING

1. Pua'a Kālua (Hawaiian Pulled Pork Shoulder)

2. Bagún (Irish Bacon)

3. Síoróip Úll (Homemade Apple Syrup)

4. My Mother's Marinara Sauce

5. Tofu Crumbles (Vegan Mince)

FOOD REVIEWS

1. Zagnuts

2. Dubai Chocolate Bar

3. Dubai Chocolate Bar (Lindt version)

THEATRE REVIEWS

1. Beetlejuice at the CAA Ed Mirvish Theatre

2. Goblin: Macbeth at the Centaur Theatre