Where's the happiness you promised me when you left?

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@blackbirdshine
Where's the happiness you promised me when you left?
I loved you cause you matched my pain
I loved you cause you made me believe I didn't deserve it.
I loved you cause you taught me I could be happy despite my past.
Then again I'm sad.
Without you
But still loving you
A little love
once in a while
is better than none.
I shut the door to everything that cause me pain.
They still find a keyhole to sneak in.
I like to watch happy people when I'm sad.
Even if I'm a little envious.
I want to mimic them
I just don't know how.
Turn me into something tragic.
The Tortured Poets Department. An anthology of new works that reflect events, opinions and sentiments from a fleeting and fatalistic moment in time - one that was both sensational and sorrowful in equal measure. This period of the author’s life is now over, the chapter closed and boarded up. There is nothing to avenge, no scores to settle once wounds have healed. And upon further reflection, a good number of them turned out to be self-inflicted. This writer is of the firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it.
And then all that’s left behind is the tortured poetry.
THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT is out now.
https://taylor.lnk.to/thetorturedpoetsdepartment
Suit up, Spiderman, it's time to save yourself.
Even though I try to wish you the worst, I would try desperately to protect you from it.
It gives me anxiety everytime someone mentions your name.
"No one else stands a chance" – Four Weddings and a Funeral
I'm letting myself die.
I've cut my nails if they're not scratching your back. And I’ve dyed my hair so it matches the ones on your bed.
You're the stranger I want to kiss at midnight on New Year's day.
I saw you writing and I had to stop the pen. Now I wonder was it a “goodbye, farewell” Or an “I love you, please stay”?