Sometimes I'm like aw most people at my work think I'm like some kid that is fun to make fun of and will be stuck in this miserable dead end forever, so this and other trauma in life makes me feel like AW man I feel like I'm an imposter who dreams of going to Apple and I don't understand ANYTHING, am I a poser???!
then, I randomly read hours of stuff about it or open up a machine and successfully learn to fix it - I am reminded that everything happens in pieces, even for the original founders who started as young people who opened up things and learned hands on
sometimes I return to the doubts and think "but these are old machines! it won't do any good?" but no, it 1. keeps my dream alive 2. proves to me I can learn the more advanced subjects of technology over time, in baby steps, it could mean if I studied a modern subject, I could hold it in my mind eventually! 3. it's better than doing nothing 4. Apple history has influenced my interest of working there and being a part of the future, so old machines actually have an iconic purpose for me, besides just fun 5. the founders played with irrelevant technology and subjects and eventually this helped them *in* Apple 6. I realize that many 'ordinary' people may be stumped even if they watch a video, some people need someone there to help (I kind of do as well, but the fact I adapt sometimes even with my struggling, doubts and possible problems learning new things, somehow absorbed the information anyway! I overcame my own odds?!)
I am not sure how to feel, but the two Steves (Jobs and Woz) started out as young people having silly fun with computers, but also many modern Apple employees I notice on some social media sites may occasionally share old photos or stories where they were just nerds who were passionate like me or even little kids playing on old machines at one point until they had so many memories they wanted to be a part of it
so, there is evidence that both historical and current Apple employees were once "bumbling silly nerds" or "just some kid" (although I'm actually a young adult, this is how doubters think of me) just like me at this stage of my life - they were sometimes once perceived as losers or wouldn't make it, including the founders
because Apple is quite successful and many of these people have evidence later in their lives that they worked on many amazing features or the devices themselves, I'd say I'm conflicted if I should feel I'm a poser or there is evidence that I'm doing actions and even fun tasks that sometimes predict a good chance someone will make it
also sometimes people who aren't even as passionate as me still make it in; people who apply to tech work - if I'm Apple *focused* then this may make my chances even more likely
I can dream, but am I irrational?
