Morrigan has the gift of truth. There is no lie, deception or denial that she does not know, facts are facts to her. And there is no greater truth about herself than the fact that she is selfish. She knows herself very well and despite what she shows, she has never been mistaken.
She watched Cassian delude himself the first time he met Nesta Archeron, she knew in the first minute what he thought he had found, she watched with pity as he idealized a mate, because of all the people in the world, Feryre's selfish sister... Until she briefly meets the human's eyes.
Then she recapped. She thought that she knew herself very well, that there was no way after 500 years and with such a gift that she possesses, she wouldn't know every corner of herself. But what is that feeling? That dread and desire? Because there's something inside her that feels complete where she never knew it was missing. And she feels that death would not be enough to free her from this feeling, it is forever, for eternity, for the grave. But Morrigan watches in horror as the human's gaze briefly passes over her, Cassian's brown eyes follow Nesta, and her own heart drops without any explanation.
Despite knowing the truth, Morrigan has never been good at accepting it.
But she is selfish. She will watch Nesta treat her with the common indifference she treats anyone, Mor will try and try and get nothing. No recognition. She will be forced to watch the painful dance between Nesta and Cassian. She should let Cassian have this, after she's held him for 500 years, she should let him try to be happy, bypass his own happiness. She should look at her mate and just want Nesta to be happy. But she hates it. It corrodes and rots it from the inside.
What were the gods thinking with this feat? Giving a mortal to be her mate who doesn't even recognize her. Just to make her watch Cassian, her brother, waste what should have been hers. She resents it and blames Nesta for it. She wants to destroy her, wants her dead to get relief from the constant pain of always watching her from meters away. Morrigan wants to hurt her. She imagines Nesta underneath her and her fingers being thrust deep. She wants to take the woman out of Cassian's arms and into her own and just claim her. She wants to be the one to make her smile.
Mor knows how to be cruel and petty, but it's a part of herself that she didn't know, being cruel to whoever she wants, to whoever she likes.
(With whom she shares a soul, whom she loves.)
She will stay away from Nesta and any gossip surrounding what she does in the post-war period, she will let her have it. If she drowns in bodies that she barely wants for a little satisfaction and the forgetfulness of self-hatred. She understand. But she dare not seek to know, she cannot imagine Nesta giving herself to anyone else without getting sick.
The whole intervention is a surprise, but she doesn't get involved, she doesn't have the right when she hasn't tried to help herself. She is still petty upon seeing Nesta, regretting her words the moment she walks away. Why would she say such a thing? Why would she let go of jealousy knowing that even Nesta's personal space, Cassian now owns.
Nesta looks up from the book she's reading to the plate of delicious-looking strawberry pie for an irritated, frowning Morrigan.
“I don’t remember ordering anything.”
Her boring voice when talking to her irritates Morrigan. “And everyone realizes that. If you want to kill yourself, find a better way than a hunger strike. It’s inelegant.”
Nesta doesn't smile, but her lips almost twitch, she doesn't look up but Mor notices that she no longer reads the pages. She is analyzing the situation. Nesta finally looks at the pie and with some regret says, “Cassian forbade me from eating sugar.”
“Cassian doesn’t own you,” Mor spits, angrily.
"He is not? And why does he hold the key to my freedom? I look a lot like a property. Did he buy me or gain me from his high lord?”
(I've had this draft for years and I decided to share it in the hopes that someone will buy into this idea and make the fic because I never will, but it's such a good idea. a good toxic yuri. these two would devour)
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