procrastination

[ragehappysecretsanta]

Author: blackkristin.tumblr.com

Recipient: thepackwantsthed.tumblr.com

Summary: Ray’s lost control of himself once, as a teenager, and he’s not about to do it twice. He doesn’t care how that’s the Sentinel instinct, how it’s normal for people with heightened senses to lose control, he’s not doing it. Michael/Ray

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 2,441

Keep reading

[ragehappysecretsanta]

Author: leonardepsilonchurch.tumblr.com

Recipient: blackkristin.tumblr.com

Summary: “dude, you’ve been staring at me for the last thirty minutes.”“no, i’ve been staring at the ghost behind you.”“what.”

Warnings: Death (because ghosts).

Word Count: 2,583

Keep reading

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 2,160 (overall: 21,548)

pairings this chapter: freewood, raychael, turnjinx, matt hullum/joel heyman

ao3 mirror

notes: talks about codependent relationships and learning to not be codependent

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18

they taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies

A few days after the “hostile takeover” -- every single time Heyman heard it, he rolled his eyes, “Hostile takeover,” he repeated, scoffing, “that’d require a takeover part of their plan,” -- Hullum called Michael, Barbara and Ryan to his office for a OFFRED meeting and, as they neared the door, Meg and Ashley walked out and waved at them, but didn’t stop to chat. Probably some sort of girlfriend stuff, Ryan thought and dismissed it. It wasn't odd of them to ignore others because they wanted to spend time together. (Ryan couldn’t help but notice that Ashley’s hand on Meg’s waist was dangerously close to the knife Meg always hid there. He tensed up for a fight just in case -- were they angry with him because he never saw the asshole playing him and all of them? -- but nothing happened.)

Hullum’s office hadn’t changed in the past few days, which Ryan hadn’t honestly expected. It was still the dull and unassuming place it always was, though Ryan eyed the bookshelf with some trepidation. If the bookshelf did that, what did the rest of the office -- as normal as it seemed -- do?

“Ah, good, you’re here,” Hullum said, smiling at them softly. Ryan was absolutely it was fake, meant to calm them down and make them relax. He didn’t mention it, even as he noticed Michael smiling back, nodding his head in a greeting. (Ryan wondered why Michael’s trust in everyone wasn’t broken, after what happened. Ryan’s sure felt like it was.)

Ryan took the seat on the farthest right, Barbara sitting next to him and Michael took the only seat left, on the left of her. Did Barbara know how uneasy Ryan was around Michael nowadays? (He knew everything, he knew all of Ryan’s weaknesses. If he really wanted to, he could destroy Ryan, and Ryan wasn’t honestly certain if he trusted Michael to not do it. Not anymore.)

“Now! This is a briefing,” Hullum told them, “Your debriefs a few days ago were all very helpful, but I thought it best to explain the whole situation to lose the misconceptions about what happened.”

Ah, a way to save face. Ryan honestly didn’t know why he bothered, they’d already seen the worst of RG-T in a way the lesser Agents had not. Ryan had even thrown up a few times because of those memories. And he still worked for the organization. (What else did he have left? Go to another Agency, that’d just think that he was a spy for RG-T? Leave RG-T, knowing that eventually they’d find him and put a bullet in his brain, because he held too much valuable information? Honestly, Ryan wasn’t certain he could live without the constant adrenaline so a normal life was out of the question.)

“We came across Mr. Burns on one of his many business trips to the States. We were certain that he was part of a smuggling ring at the time and thought it best to interrogate him to see what a lead of an Agency thought he was doing,” Hullum frowned distastefully, “he, of course, denied all involvement. So we held him hostage while we figured out what the situation was.”

Barbara looked as disbelieving as Ryan felt (Michael just looked vaguely disgusted, but Ryan couldn’t tell if he believed the story or not). Did he expect them to believe that? Just to investigate, not to get B-OWN’s secrets?

Hullum ignored them.

“A month into our investigation,” yes, of course you investigated something, “we met Agent Free.”

Barbara frowned, thoughtful, “But he said he argued for months for the chance to get Burns back.”

Hullum nodded, solemn, “Yes, that makes us think that this wasn’t his main mission, just the last part of it. Most of OFFRED has fallen in battle, which we think is his fault, as well as all the-- unpleasant things,” he looked at Michael, “that have happened to you in particular. We think you -- with Narvaez right after you -- were the next on the list, but you kept evading your death,” Hullum’s mouth twitched upwards, “good job on that.”

“But why did he leave before we were all dead though?” Barbara asked and though the answer was directed towards Hullum, her eyes found Ryan’s.

“Who knows,” Hullum shrugged, “maybe he ran out of time, maybe someone was getting suspicious,” he glanced at Ryan, “maybe Burns was close to admitting something incriminating.”

Ryan thought back to that desperate light in his eyes when Ryan’d thought that the asshole finally realised the extent of his feelings, remembered the quiet murmur of, “Next week,”, but told him that it was all an act, for that would require his ex to have loved him, which Ryan was certain he did not. Maybe he acted that way to throw off Ryan’s scent of the realreason.

“Maybe he finally got Burns’ location and everything was in place,” he hummed in thought, “the whole thing was done very professionally with no mistakes that’d make the whole thing break down. That’d require a lot of work. And more than just one person.”

Hullum nodded, face sour, “We’re keeping Heyman on probation right now.”

Ah, that must’ve been a blow, Ryan mused, to realise that your on-and-off boyfriend might have been part of an attack on the organization that was your life.

“Electronic helpers?” Ryan asked, instead of the sympathetic words he wanted to.

“Not that we’ve been able to tell,” Hullum told him, “it seems like they only used RG-T electronics and fried the few that would have incriminating evidence, the others were just wiped. Gavin had been our best so we’re not expecting to find much from them. But we’re looking over them anyway.”

Ryan paused, before asking, dreadfully curious. “Was Heyman drugged that day?”

Hullum nodded, “Funhaus even found out how -- his coffee with rum -- but the surveillance for his room goes dark at some point.”

“And you still think he was a part of it?” Michael asked disbelievingly.

“The fact that he was drugged is the only reason he’s on probation and not dead, Jones.”

Ryan ended up on faux-probation too, though it was more lax -- which was why it was faux. He was allowed to go on missions, just had to go through several more security tests in a day than most Agents in a month, and the amount of missions lessened to a smaller amount and they were never as important as his position on OFFRED dictated.

He ignored it. It gave him time to redecorate his whole room at RG-T and throw all of the-- unnecessary stuff from his room into the empty room his ex-boyfriend used to live in. (Why did he even have three electric razors?) (One of them had a mahogany pocket knife hidden inside it, a JRH carved carefully -- in cursive, Gavin always wrote in cursive -- on the wood. He threw away the razor but kept the knife. Weapons weren’t made to be thrown away.)

Ryan hated being an assistant teacher for the new Agents. “Don’t punch too hard, no lasting damage, no weapons,” all those rules about fighting just rubbed him the wrong way. Not to mention walking to the other side of the building just to beat the snot out of the newbies was always so boring.

“Dude,” Ray’s voice said around the corner and Ryan paused in his steps, debating on if he had the time to walk back the way he came before Ray and his conversation partner noticed him.

“You’re taking this all so personally,” Ray continued and his voice was getting louder, shit, Ryan didn’t have the time to go anywhere but straight forwards, “I get it, Gavin fucked us -- some more than others,” he snorted -- fuck you, Ray -- then coughed and continued, “but, like, it was his job. I mean, I’m fucking pissed off at him for trying to kill you and would probably stab him for it, but even I understand that it was his job, we do this every day of our lives to other people.”

“He tried to kill me,” Michael answered drily as they came around the corner, “and then came to visit me in the medical wing and called me his best friend. After trying to make my death look like an accident. Forgive me for-- hey, Ryan.”

Ryan nodded in greeting, face impassive, and moved past them. Well, he was in the mood to beat up some poor new trainee now. (After the first broken bone he caused, the teacher told him to punch a dummy to show the moves instead. Ryan broke four of those. The teacher looked despairing.)

Ashley and Meg weren’t as easy to ignore as Ray, Michael and Geoff. Mostly because they were more terrifying, slightly because the guys were trying to avoid Ryan as much as Ryan was them (especially Geoff, Ryan hasn’t even seen a glimpse of him).

So when Meg and Ashley sought him out, Ryan just told himself that, unless he wanted to be stabbed, he had to act along. Also never leave his room ever.

“Come on, loser,” Meg told him, “we’re going-- actually, we’re not. You’re sulking so we’re going to get drunk.”

“I don’t drink,” he reminded them.

“I never said you were getting drunk.”

Which was how Ryan ended up in Ashley’s room at RG-T, eating amaretto ice cream -- worst thing ever made -- while Ashley and Meg drank an actual bottle of amaretto beside him. They didn’t seem to like the taste either.

“Do you really not have any mint and chocolate ice cream?” he asked them for the fourth time.

“Yes, Rye, neither of us likes mint, remember?”

“You don’t like amaretto either,” Ryan told them and they had to concede.

“So,” Ryan finally gave in, “why did you invite me here?”

Meg shot him a quick grin, standing up and moving closer to the TV, “Movie night, of course.”

“Oh,” and then, because he liked torturing himself, “James Bond?”

Ashley’s hold on his fingers tightened and Ryan stared at their hands, feeling like her hands were both the perfect size and too fucking small, “Oh, Rye,” she sighed.

But they did end up watching James Bond and Ryan stared at the British superspy, loyal to the Queen above all, willing to sacrifice anything for the Crown, a master manipulator and asycophant, and ended up laughing. Ryan had ended up as a Bond girl. That was his life.

Geoff and Michael were out drinking one day -- Caleb was kind enough to inform him of that -- when Ray came to talk to him.

“Right,” he said, shifting around uncomfortably, “I’m not for all this emotional shit, which is why I‘ve only ever had one boyfriend in my life, but I wanted to, like, thank you, I guess?”

Ryan blinked at him, utterly lost.

“Like? The codependent shit. I know that Gav only ever told us about the concern to get Michael and I apart or something, maybe to get us against you? I don’t know. But knowing about it and working towards not being codependent -- which Meg told us to get rid of as quick as possible and got our asses in gear -- helped a lot, y’know? Like, I don’t feel like I needMichael around but I like having him around more? Because I know it’s a choice, not a chain? Right. And. Sorry. About the Gavin comment. I mean, not sorry about saying it, because that is my opinion and I’ve been trying to be all fuckin’ opinionated recently, but that you heard it. Yes. Okay.”

He nodded, “Good talk,” and was gone in moments.

Eventually, Ray, Geoff and Michael seemed to realise that Ashley and Meg had no problems hanging out with Ryan. Which led to them tagging along when Ashley and Meg forced him into hanging out with them.

“Dude,” Ray said, eating the amaretto ice cream that Meg and Ashley still bought. He squinted, “Isn’t this Gav’s favourite ice cream?”

Well. That explained why they still bought it, even if they all hated it. Ryan felt more resigned than hurt by this at this point, they all kept things after he’d left, after all. (Ryan still only slept on one side of the bed and the first thing he saw every morning was that small pocket knife.)

“It is,” Meg replied, not even glancing at Ryan to see his reaction, which Ryan honestly appreciated, though he didn't know if he could be that certain in the others’ reactions as she was in his. Honestly, he didn’t even know if he could trust them, not after-- not after what’d happened. But. He was trying, because he did honestly love them. They were trying and he was trying and it might not end up a success, but Ryan had gotten used to failures recently.

[blackkristin]

Love your cul de sac fic! (Was trying to remember the name for a fic rec list for someone gdi.) Can't wait for chapter 13!

Also I LOVE THE TRACKLIST! I finished what’s posted and I remember thinking “well, there’s still music but I’m out of words! I need more chapters! Then more music! Then more chapters! Etc until the end!“ 

First of all, i’m glad you like it! <3 i’m always so honored when someone puts it on a fic rec list omg. (also chapter 13 should get written sometime this week, probably on saturday like usual)

i love that trackmix! it was the first thing i made for the spy au, going through my phone’s songs, and, honestly, it’s what made the plot be what it is. i had the smallest hint of the plot when i came up with it (like, only the last chapter) so that playlist literally shaped the whole fic. (of course, it’s changed since the first outline too but that’s what happens when you plan a 18 chapter fic that ends up being 19k at 12 chapters)

anyway. thank you! <3

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 2,413 (overall: 21,548)

pairings this chapter: freewood, raychael, (geoff/gus)

ao3 mirror

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18

you and i go hard at each other like we're going to war

Ryan had been taught that, in the case of an emergency, RG-T did not have an alarm. So it came as a surprise when he woke up to an alarm, telling all RG-T Agents, “Please come in an orderly manner to the cafeteria. I repeat, orderly manner.”

Ryan spent all of 30 seconds wondering if it was test and, if so, which type of test. Of loyalty -- who showed up, despite their feelings of apprehension? Of caution -- who knew that something was wrong and tried to find an answer?

In the end, he decided it didn’t matter, he’d need information anyway. And the only way to get that would be to go near -- but not in -- the cafeteria.

So Ryan armed himself, small pistol because they weren't allowed to carry more in HQ, and calmly walked in the direction of the cafeteria. He didn’t look out of place amongst the other Agents moving towards their destination, though Ryan did wonder if they were like him -- information gathering -- or blinding following the voice as they blindly followed the organization.

“Rye!” Michael said, falling into step next to him, “OFFRED has orders.”

“Oh?” Ryan asked, not slowing down. The cafeteria was still the best place to get information and Ryan wasn’t one of the more important members of OFFRED like Barbara or Meg (he wasn’t an Agent with a speciality, not like them, he was just a jack-of-all-trades who was really good at being mediocre), so it was unlikely the orders had much to do with him.

“Hullum wants us all in one place.”

Ryan hummed, “Conductors of this test then?”

Michael shook his head slowly, “We’re going in the other direction.”

That-- made no sense. Unless it was a test for only non-OFFRED Agents? To see if they’d realise all OFFRED members were gone and if they trusted them? But, still, it was unlikely.

“We’ve never been together,” Ryan reminded Michael, “because Hullum doesn’t want us to kill each other. Our mandatory meetings have a rotating crew so we’d all get the info, but wouldn’t all be together. This doesn’t make any sense.”

Michael’s expression didn’t change, which made Ryan understand that Michael was very much aware of how wrong it all was. “I know.”

He shrugged, “Heyman’s orders though, can’t go against them.”

While Heyman did have a history of using his senior Agent privileges for his own benefit, they were always petty and small things, like cutting in line or ordering his juniors to not drink alcohol so he’d have more, so Ryan doubted the man was playing with them. He was telling them an order as a senior Agent, one that he’d probably heard from Hullum, and they were expected to follow it.

“Where are we expected to go then?” Ryan asked, finally pausing his stride.

“Hullum’s office, of course,” Michael made a face, “trapped in a small room with all of OFFRED’s members, what is Hullum thinking?”

Yes, exactly. What was he thinking.

Barbara called, “Wait, no!” the moment they walked into the room. The door, which Ryan had been loosely holding open, slammed closed on its own accord. Ryan wondered how it had done so without breaking his fingers.

Barbara frowned, telling them, “Hullum isn’t here.”

Knowing how cautious Hullum had always been with keeping them apart, he’d never invite them all into an inclosed space and then not show up himself to make certain they didn’t all kill each other.

“Do you think he’s dead or unconscious?” Meg asked, moving her eyes calculatingly around. Ryan noted she had more weapons than were permitted in HQ, but told himself to not dwell on it -- they couldn’t afford to be anything less than civil to each other.

“Unconscious,” Ashley then explained her opinion, “he’s a great Agent. He wouldn’t go down so easily.”

Ray disagreed, “This is his home turf, whoever did this can’t let the advantage of home turf screw them up. They’d get rid of him and quickly.”

Ryan, wisely in his opinion, didn’t offer the intel he’d been told. Not giving away info was less of an offence than appearing as a traitor during a hostile takeover.

Michael hummed after a long moment of silence, "So, basically, we have no way to see what the rest of HQ is doing and no way to get out of this room."

There was a scoff from the corner, near Hullum's computer, and Ryan turned to see a faux-offended Ray. "We have no way to see what the rest of HQ is doing," he repeated mockingly, "fucking asshole. I've been keeping an eye on everything since I got trapped here."

Michael huffed, smile playing on his lips, "Excuse me for not seeing someone who is, like, 4 feet tall."

Ray didn't even glance at him, seemingly transfixed on the monitor, "And so the short jokes begin. Y'know, it's not cool to bully people on what they were born with."

"It's bullying year, remember?" Michael asked, gravitating towards the place to the right of Ray.

"No, that was last year--"

Michael took one look at the monitor before he swore. Loudly. And creatively.

"Michael?" Ryan asked, moving closer as well.

"That fucking-- I'm going to murder him."

Ray rolled his eyes, "Now you're just being dramatic."

Michael scowled, turning to the rest of the room, “Heyman is still in bed,” which meant he wasn’t the one to order them here, they were all so screwed, “and-- wait.”

Everyone paid close attention as Michael turned back to Ray, “You’re watching him sleep. I’m boyfriends with a somnophiliac.”

“I am pretty fucking certain you’ve woken me up with a--”

“Alright!” Gray, who rarely spoke during meetings, interrupted, “let’s not go into that, okay?”

There was a hum from the intercom. Everyone in the room stood on alert. “I’m terribly sorry about locking you all here,” an accented voice-modified tone said, “can’t risk you ruining the plan.”

While Ryan debated if he should ask where Hullum and the department heads were or if should he ask about the plan (never hurts to try), Ray snorted, “Locking up Sorola and Ramsey in the same broom closet was plain mean, dude.”

The voice laughed, “Ah, but isn’t that the best place to kiss and make up?”

Barbara looked at the ceiling in faux-innocence, “I thought that was the bedroom.” The voice laughed again. The laughter was so familiar, with gasps, that Ryan wondered if he was close to the owner. Not many people laughed around him. (That’d make this an inside job and Ryan wasn’t surprised.)

Endearing yourself to your captor was one of the most foolish plans ever, Ryan had always thought, so of course two of OFFRED’s members would do it. They were all foolish.

“As I said, terribly sorry about locking you up,” the voice continued, “but if you’ll all be so kind as to,” a bookshelf creeped open, like in all of those films (and here Ryan was thinking none of them held a grain of truth), “enter that room there, you’ll even get to meet me! Which will be exciting, I suppose. It’s my job to keep you entertained, after all. Though,” the voice mused, “we don’t really care if some of you die. I mean, I might be a little sad, but I can’t really do anything about you guys being dim-witted, can I?”

A pause, then quieter, like the voice wasn't speaking towards the mic, “No, but can I?”

A laugh, even quieter, and a reply Ryan couldn’t make out later, the voice was back, ordering them into the room, with a threat of, “Did you know Hullum’s office is actually filled with three types of poisonous gas? It’s fascinating.” So they either did what the voice wanted and might walk straight into a trap or didn’t and might just a die anyway.

The joy of being an Agent.

The bookshelf didn’t lead to a room, rather to a seemingly-endless hallway with many doors, the voice leading them through several doors, all the same as the last.

“Now!” the voice said cheerfully, “just go straight and make yourselves comfortable! I have to-- hmm, spoilers.”

So they walked straight (it wasn’t like they’d find anything in this maze without help, the voice had even let them open doors in curiosity, but they always ended up looking the same all rooms did) and ended up in a room with a huge oval table, enough chairs for all of the Agents present to steal three to have a nap, if they weren’t so wound up and on alert.

“Terribly sorry,” the voice said, sounding amused, even through the altered voice, “but you must be seated. I’m not allowed in the room otherwise, something about emotional shockand revenge. I stopped listening around then.” The voice in the background said something that sounded scalding.

Ryan shared a look with Ray, who grumbled but was the first to sit down, realising how much of a trap they walked into. Ryan and Michael followed him, sitting on either of his sides. Meg and Ashley complied next, joined by a frowning Barbara and a seemingly unbothered Gray. Ryan wondered when their numbers had dropped down to single digits, in the beginning of the year, he was fairly certain there had been over fifteen members

As expected, the chairs strapped them down the moment they all sat down so no one could leave.

“Yes, yes,” a familiar voice said as the door behind Ryan opened, “everything is fine. Stop worrying, Jack.”

A voice that Ryan assumed was the so-called Jack replied, “Excuse me for knowing you and all the ways you always screw up.”

The scarily familiar voice huffed, fond and amused, but offended. “You go make certain Matt isn't dead.”

Jack laughed, “Which one? Scrufflord or Asshole?”

“I thought Scrufflord was Asshole.”

“No, he's Asshole. Asshole has more enunciation.”

“Check up on them both then, Jeremy might have killed either of them by now, honestly.”

Ryan had a feeling Jack shrugged, because the next sentence he heard was a casual, “You wanted it this way,” before Ryan heard the door opening and heels clicking against the floor, becoming fainter by the second.

“Tosser,” the voice muttered, before walking closer to the table, still behind Ryan, though he didn’t need to see the owner of the voice to know who it was.

“Y’know, in the films, this is where you ask me questions to keep me busy,” the voice said, amused.

Ray scoffed, “You never liked spy movies.”

The man behind Ryan shrugged (the shifting of cloth could be nothing else), “True. But, still, it is my job to keep you busy. I gotta do it some way, don’t I?”

Michael groaned, “Either shut up or tell us everything, I’m getting a headache.”

The voice laughed, so painfully familiar that Ryan’s heart hurt. “You kidnapped our leader so we’re getting him back. Nothing personal, yeah?”

“Leader?” Gray asked, fishing for information in the most obvious way Ryan had ever seen him do it.

Ga-- The voice didn’t seem to mind. “Michael Burns, somewhat important to B-OWN. He’s American so I nearly didn’t get the mission to get him back. Had to argue with bureaucrats formonths. Bloody UK.”

Meg frowned, looking him straight in the eyes -- or so Ryan was assuming -- and asked, “So this was all a job?”

“Yeah? I mean, I like you guys all well and good, but a job’s a job.”

The shock was starting to wear off, Ryan noticed, because he was furious. Furious at himself, for not being good enough to notice Gavin was pulling him along the whole time, furious at Hullum for letting him join, because of his own greed, furious at his fellow OFFRED members for never noticing and, most importantly, furious at Gavin fucking Free.

“I wish my hands weren't locked to this chair,” he said, voice lighthearted, “so I could punch you in the goddamn face.”

Gavin laughed, nervous tinted as it always was at Ryan’s threats, and told him, “Jack had a feeling you’d say that. I owe him twenty bucks.”

Honestly, that just made Ryan even angrier. A person he’d never met won over Gavin on how Ryan would react? Not Gavin, the guy he’d dated for months?

Glad to see this was one-sided, he thought bitterly, knowing that he’d been beat. Gavin had come into his life and Ryan had ignored all of his instincts, thinking them as just his usual paranoia acting up. Well, he wasn’t going to stand for that anymore, he decided, his “paranoia” had been right. He was going to never ignore it again.

Gavin left a few minutes later, once someone called for him at the door, saying, “Yo! British asshole! Time to go, we got the cargo.”

“Always so charming, Lindsay!” Gavin had called back, but didn’t even say bye to them, already hurrying after her. Ryan had told himself that he was imagining the eyes he’d felt on the back of his head.

Thirty minutes after that, the chairs’ cuffs opened and they’d left the room, to come to face with a sign on the wall that said, in Gavin’s handwriting, “Hullum is this way!” The sign pointed left, so they shrugged and followed it. They’d never get out of the maze without help anyway.

They had, in fact, found Hullum, right next door to Sorola and Geoff, both of whom had flushed faces --Ryan did not want to know -- and Hullum led them deeper into the tunnels, to check if B-OWN really had taken Burns -- which they had -- and finally, finally they were out of the endless hallways.

“I’m going to check up on the Agents in the cafeteria,” Hullum told them, “make certain they’re not dead or causing a riot. You do-- whatever. Stay together, though.”

So all of OFFRED -- plus Sorola and Geoff, later joined by a seemingly hungover Heyman, though Ryan was seriously considering that he’d been drugged -- ended up going to karaoke night.

(Ryan didn’t hate it, but he did end up looking to his right a lot, to tell something to Gavin, only to remember that, right, Gavin was a betrayer, and he’d swallowed down the anger and the resentment and the hurt -- worst of the three -- and acted like Gavin had never been in his life in the first place. He didn’t think he succeeded.)

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 1,034 (overall: 21,548)

pairings this chapter: freewood

ao3 mirror

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18

i couldn't keep up so we cracked down and now everything is worse

It took everything Ryan had to not tell Gavin the extent of his feelings -- if there was anything Ryan had learnt about his boyfriend, it was that he didn't deal with his emotions well, evidenced by the rejection not that long ago. So he'd have to ease Gavin into the situation, not dunk his head underwater and hope he doesn't drown. But god did Ryan want to shout to the heavens about how in love he was, about how he loved his asshole boyfriend so much.

So Ryan kept his mouth shut and Michael seemed to understand, always nonverbally telling him if his gaze on Gavin was starting to become too adoring.

Sometimes Ryan wished Ray was as understanding though. "Dude," he said as Ryan stared at the place Gavin had been just moments before before Geoff had tackled him and Gavin went off running, Geoff after him. Ryan wondered what he'd done this time.

"Stop smiling and listen to me," Ray continued, tone exasperated but without its usual tint of affection, replaced by seriousness.

"If you don't tell that asshole you like him, he's going to assume you're not serious. And that might hurt a bit more than him freaking out that you like him."

Michael seemed to disagree, though he didn't voice his opinion. (Ryan could guess why, Ray seemed to want to please Michael at every opportunity since the poisoning incident -- he'd just agree with Michael's opinion straight away in a very unlike Ray way. Ryan didn't really get why Ray was so guilty, but it wasn't his place to ask so he didn't. At least Michael was as creeped out by Ray's actions as of late as Ryan was.)

"Ray," he told his friend, "there are few things as scary to Gav as feelings. And at least three of those involve feelings in an indirect way."

Ray nodded slowly, like Ryan wasn't getting the point of the conversation, "One of those things is him feeling trapped in a hopeless situation. He realises he loves you -- which he willeventually do -- and he's going to feel trapped in a relationship that isn't even serious and break it off."

Ryan countered, "If I tell him now, he's going to panic and leave anyway. Just sooner."

Ray frowned, but didn't agree with Ryan with a muttered, "Well, shit," so Ryan knew he'd have to have the same conversation in the future again.

Michael sighed, looking at the ceiling in a moment of just being done with his best friend and informed them both, very loudly, "If either of you ever starts dating another person with commitment issues, I'm going to punch you and them."

Ryan agreed to the terms on the account that the same rules applied to Michael. They shook hands, closing the deal while Ray looked on, amused, telling them that they can't do the deal without him. That lead to them trying to do a threeway handshake and almost breaking Ray's leg. Geoff stared at them for a solid 30 seconds at the medical wing before telling them that they were fuck-ups at life and that it as a miracle they were still alive.

Ryan agreed with him.

Jobs with Gavin were always a challenge. "No, Gavin, we're not going to set the room to explode -- no matter how much you and i want it to -- since we need the info from this room. No, it won't be a controlled explosion that won't hurt the terminal, I've seen your explosions. Yes, it will cool, but-- fuck it, let's do it, who cares?" was a surprisingly common conversation. If Gavin didn't suggest the ridiculous ideas, Ryan did and Geoff hated them, being the one who had to deal with all of their messes.

This time, it hadn't been Ryan's idea. Which was nice, Ryan thought Geoff would strangle him if he did something else that week.

"Gavin," he stifled laughter, "why do none of the mercenaries have pants?"

Gavin whispered back over comm, "It was either that or their guns, couldn't carry both of them."

"Good choice," Ryan replied, smiling, though he did wonder when Gavin had the opportunity. Shouldn't he be hacking?

But, whatever, it was funny, Ryan didn't give a shit.

"I'll take the assholes on your right first," Ryan told his partner, "Don't scream if you see some junk."

"Don't worry, the only genitalia I scream at upon seeing is yours."

Ryan paused, thinking, "Is that a weak insult or a really odd compliment?"

Gavin laughed as his only response.

Gavin had an odd expression on his face. It was one part affection, two parts scared shitless and three parts disgust.

Ryan knew what it meant immediately.

"Gavin?" he ventured, moving closer to Gavin as one would a scared and hurt animal. Ryan guessed technically that explained Gavin. (Humans were mammals, animals, and Gavin wasscared, though his hurt was more of a part of his personality than anything else, as was most Agents’-)

"Ryan," Gavin replied, tone casual and faked. If Ryan hadn't been able to see his expression, he would have guessed he was fine. It made sense that a computer specialist would put more effort into his voice not betraying him than his expression though, so Ryan didn't dwell on that.

"Want to play Halo today?" he asked, smiling and trying to look unassuming and harmless.

Gavin saw right through it, of course he would, but Ryan had bet on that grounding him to reality. Which didn't happen.

Fuck.

"No, I'd rather go to bed early today," Gavin replied, smiling in that same casual way. It clashed with the look in his eyes and made Ryan wince.

What he'd feared would happen had happened and he didn't know how to fix it.

"Next week?" he asked, trying to not seem the suffocating boyfriend Gavin had probably feared to end up with. Or maybe not -- he didn't know the cause of Gavin's commitment issues, after all.

Gavin got the calculating gleam in his eyes that he sometimes did, although Ryan could have sworn it looked more desperate than usual.

"Next week," he repeated thoughtfully.

Ryan didn't like that. Not one bit.

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 1,062 (overall: 21,548)

pairings this chapter: freewood

ao3 mirror

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18

you can stay with me forever or you could stay with me for now

Michael got better. In his words, "Nothing that simple can knock me down." And it was simple -- it made Ryan wonder if the whole thing was orchestrated as a threat or if they'd gotten Michael to a medical wing too soon, according the plan. The doctor had told them that if the worst had happened, Michael would have fallen into a coma. A way to get rid of him permanently, it was not. But for a time? It was the perfect way to make it seem like an accident. Agents were in a lot of pain most of the time and, as such, a lot of them took painkillers more than they should. Ryan didn't take them himself, too paranoid that someone was going to jump him, but it wouldn't have been against Michael's character, which made him a better target than, say, Ryan. No one who knew Michael would even bat an eyelash.

Ryan wondered who did it. B-OWN? But what'd they gain from it? They had no business with Ryan, not anymore, and he had forwarded along their message so it couldn't have been a threat. If it'd have been one, Gavin would have been the target, especially now that them dating was mostly common knowledge. Rarely did people target platonic relationships when a romantic one was available, out of a misconception that romantic love was more important.

It couldn't have been a threat to Hullum either, as them figuring it out too late would have left the point to be nil.

Unless-- it was a gamble? They didn't care if Michael died, fell into a coma or whatever or not, Michael was just another enemy Agent to them. B-OWN was trusting them to figure it out and if they didn't? Well, it wasn't their Agent in a coma.

Fuck, it kind of-- made Ryan furious. Fuck you, B-OWN, Michael was as important as any other human. Though, considering they killed and stole as much as R-GT does, maybe they didn't consider anyone as important as them, as R-GT did. Ryan was starting to follow that mindset, but he supposed it was on a matter of time, he spent almost all of his time between missions and staying at RG-T. Their ideals had to stick to him one day.

Ryan groaned, resenting his life, but not the organization who hadn't ever made him feel small, the thing he would never allow in his life ever again. He'd rather cut all ties with all of the people he considered most important than allow himself to feel small and weak and inferior. There were just some sacrifices that had to be made for his own mental health -- well, he wasn't healthy, but he'd rather keep what health he had -- no matter how much he'd rather not and let the problem fester and grow.

But, it hadn't come to that, not yet. And Ryan enjoyed his remaining time with his friends. It would undoubtedly end some day, Ryan had little concerns of that, but he could enjoy having friends who understood him until then.

“Gavin,” he said, watching the mess that was Gavin trying to cook, as he had for almost an hour, “that’s not how spaghetti is made. At all. At least google the recipe.”

Gavin looked up from the pot, looking annoyed, “It can’t be that difficult, right? I can figure it out.”

“Except the part where you haven’t,” Ryan reminded him.

“I have!” Gavin argued.

“Gavin, you just threw a bunch of ingredients in the pot that should not be in the pot.”

“They’ll add to the taste!”

“No,” Ryan told him, “no, they won't.”

(Later, after Ryan’d told Gavin how to make spaghetti but Gavin still added ingredients that Ryan didn’t approve of, Ryan tasted the food and told him, “It isn’t bad,” just to see Gavin try it, the smug look on his face change to disgust at the taste. Ryan ended up eating all of the spaghetti, while Gavin watched on in revolted disbelief.)

Ryan shivered and fully blamed Gavin for it. One hoodie wasn’t apparently enough to not be cold in Gavin’s room. Why did the guy have to keep his window open at all times? Was he not cold? How did he sleep with his room being so fucking cold?

“Gavin,” he whined, he admitted that, it was fucking cold, alright? “Close the window.” He eyed Gavin’s closet, wondering if he had blankets hidden away in there. He vaguely remembered Ray giving Gavin a birthday gift of a monstrous and fluffy orange blanket, they were all so tired of being in Gavin’s room while it was cold.

“There won’t be any fresh air,” Gavin had the gall to argue, like Ryan wasn’t freezing to death.

“There won’t be any fresh air in your lungs if I choke you either,” Gavin just ignored the threat. Unbelievable.

Ryan stood up, ignoring Gavin’s wide eyes (did he honestly think Ryan was going to choke him? Adorable.), moving towards the closet. Come on, there had to be some kinds of blankets there. And, after opening the third closet door (why did he have such a huge closet? He barely used one door), Ryan found jackpot. At least six blankets!

Ryan wound one around himself right there and then and took another one with him back to the couch. Gavin looked like he thought Ryan was going to choke him with that blanket. No, screw you, Gavin, all of the blankets were Ryan’s now.

Ryan placed the other blanket over his shoulders, sighing at the warmth. There were some good things about life after all.

Except Gavin, Gavin sucked.

“Are you mad?” Gavin asked cautiously, like he was ready to close the window if Ryan really was mad at him -- a thing he’d never done as long as Ryan had known him -- and Ryan wondered when he became so weak because his heart just melted.

“Nah, I’m quite happy,” he told his boyfriend, shifting closer to raise the second blanket over Gavin’s shoulder. Gavin didn’t get the first one though. That one stayed Ryan’s.

Gavin made a contented sound and Ryan told himself he wasn’t smiling in happiness. He killed people for a living and he… was a total sap and really loved his boyfriend.

He hid his smile at the thought against Gavin’s cheek.

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 1,481 (overall: 21,548)

pairings this chapter: freewood, raychael

ao3 mirror

warnings: ODing?, but, like, no one dies or anything. oh and talk of sexual acts but nothing happens

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18

he dreamt he was a king, safe in his bed

It took several weeks of dating -- and they were actually dating now -- for Ryan to realise that they'd never been on a date. The title was dating, was it not the real thing with no dates? Ryan would have to remedy that.

If only so that no one could tell him his relationship wasn't real (not that anyone would, apparently Ryan had a reputation).

Gavin didn't seem to like the idea much when Ryan brought it up. "Why can't we just kill someone instead? You like that, right?" he whined, making Ryan regret even bringing it up. Which was probably Gavin's plan. Asshole.

He put his foot down, "Gavin, we're going on a date. Whether you like it or not."

"Dates require consent," Gavin told him.

Ryan crossed his arms, "Not if I have blackmail on you, they don't."

"That's not consent," Gavin reminded him.

"I know, that's what I just said," Gavin sighed.

Which was how they'd found themselves at a restaurant, Gavin huffing as he ate his "even the salad is fancy," salad, while Ryan ate a soup so truly great he missed his nana. May her time in hell treat her well. She'd taught Ryan everything he knew, no one went to heaven after teaching a seven year old how to throw knives into the major arteries. Ryan looked forward to meeting her in the afterlife.

"So," Ryan trailed off, not out of awkwardness (he'd had worse situations with Gavin, honestly), but because he knew it'd bother Gavin. He never seemed to like it when Ryan acted uncertain (it might have been because it was always false, but, still, Gavin had seen him do worse things than act).

"Yes?" Gavin asked, annoyed, pausing from glaring at his salad (god, the look on his face when he'd seen that he'd ordered a salad was priceless) to turn towards Ryan. While not exactly a glare, the gaze seemed several times too annoyed for Ryan, Gavin was rarely this annoyed at him.

"Why don't you like dates?" he asked, more curious about if Gavin would answer than what that answer would be.

Gavin stopped his glaring enough to glance around the room in an exaggerated manner, one that was unlike his usual joking exaggeration. Ryan knew that the next thing out of his mouth was something to be ignored--

"Would rather I suck you off in Meg and Ashley's bathroom, you biting the fingers I have in your mouth as to not alert them to your state, than this."

--Or! Maybe not.

But, still, the sudden -- but certainly not unwelcome -- comment didn't make Ryan forget about the exaggerated glance around. In fact, it was so against Gavin's usual "everyone judges me" attitude that it brought attention more than it made Ryan forget.

Why glance around and then bring attention to that? Why something so different?

What was around them, was the obvious question, one that Ryan already knew the answer to, his own paranoia would not allow him to be here otherwise.

They had a corner table, though Ryan had given Gavin the seat with the wall to his back. It didn't really allow Ryan to enjoy the evening as much as he would have liked, too busy being on edge, but it seemed to make Gavin relax.

They were surrounded by people. Not public transport at 8 am bad, but it was certainly not pleasant, being reminded of how they might be in danger every time a waiter moved past the,.

The staff had seemed clean, when Ryan had looked into their records, having a few parking tickets overall, but Ryan would have not even stepped foot inside a restaurant with a 100% clean staff. But it was always possible that even after his careful, meticulous work, he'd missed something. Something that Gavin was now noticing.

“How’re you liking today?” he asked, hoping that Gavin would give him more clues (if not outright say what was the issue).

Gavin looked at him in disbelief, “You blackmailed me into a date.”

Well, no hints in that, not ones that Ryan could notice, anyway.

“Well, technically,” Ryan started, ignoring the groan from Gavin that followed, “no blackmail was involved. I just told you there might be and you agreed.”

Gavin stared blankly at the guy sitting at the table behind Ryan, muttering under his breath. Probably something insulting. (He wondered if Gavin knew that Ryan felt more at ease when Gavin was looking behind him, knew that Gavin would tell him if there was something suspicious happening.)

“Seriously, Rye,” Gavin said, moving his gaze back to the salad he seemed to hate so much, “we could be shagging right now.”

“Not until after dessert,” Ryan told him, taking pleasure in the dramatic groan that followed.

(Later, he realised that Gavin had been trying to manipulate him with the glancing, had wanted kick Ryan’s paranoia into overdrive so they’d leave, and they had a long chat about what was okay to do and what really fucking wasn’t.)

“So,” Meg said, looking at the TV playing some kind of cartoon that Michael and Ray seemed to be into more than Meg and Ryan were, if the constant yelling from Ray and transfixed staring from Michael were anything to go by.

“You’re dating now?” she asked, side-eyeing him. Ryan thought she sounded concerned but didn’t know why.

Ray let out a loud, “About damn time!” that everyone else ignored. Michael didn’t even seem to realise anything but the cartoon was happening. Ryan was becoming concerned.

“Yes,” he told Meg, staring at the back of Michael's head. Maybe his first clue should have been how he had thrown himself on the ground and laid there the moment the cartoon started. Ray hadn’t been concerned, however, so Ryan had just went with it.

“Are you happy?” she asked, frowning, and Ryan knew that she knew something, something she’d rather not share. It felt odd, as she’d not kept secrets from him so obviously before, like she didn’t want to say but she wanted him to realise something was wrong.

“I’m quite content,” he told her and wondered if there was cheating involved -- no, she’d tell him if it were so -- or if she had dirt on Gavin, not important dirt but something someone dating him would find significant.

“That’s good,” she told him, smiling.

“Yo, assholes,” Ray said, a touch of concern in his voice, “can someone help me, like, I don’t know, carry Michael to the medical wing or something?”

Ryan was by his side immediately, “What’s wrong?” he crouched in front of Michael, noticing his quick breath and slack -- if not confused -- expression.

“What?” Michael asked, blinking, “why’re you here?”

“OD?” Meg asked, checking Ray’s eyes as a precaution, though Ray was quick to inform her that he might joke about doing drugs but it wasn’t something he was actually into.

“He doesn’t appear to be hot,” Ryan was quick to inform her and it really showed how concerned Ray was that no joke followed the statement, “breathing is faster than normal, but his attitude sluggish. I’d say even if not OD, it’s some kind of sickness and the medical wing is the best place to go.”

Ray told him if he dropped Michael, he’d skin him alive and Ryan didn’t think it was a joke.

Apparently it was aspirin poisoning. When they’d told Michael this, writing it down instead of saying it outloud because Michael’s hearing wasn’t the best right then, he’d scoffed, “I don’t use aspirin.” Ray had -- hesitantly -- agreed with that.

“I do though,” Ray told Ryan and Meg, “and I’ve noticed them disappearing recently. I thought I was just-- using them myself.”

“And you don’t normally notice taking your medication?” Ryan asked.

Ray winced, shrugging, “I don’t-- notice a lot of things.”

Ryan didn’t ask.

“So you think someone was feeding Michael aspirin?” Meg asked, thinking.

“It’s likely,” Ray told her, but he looked nervous, like he was afraid he was doing it. Ryan didn’t even want to know at this point.

Meg hummed, “Doesn’t aspirin only dissolve in warm water, Ryan?”

Ryan thought about it, nodding, before adding, “Or coffee.”

Well, they had a likely cause, that was something.

(Later, when he was less dizzy and could hear properly, Michael told them that it was a wild goose chase, as he wasn’t as paranoid as them all, he didn’t give a fuck where he got his caffeine intake from, he even bought cafeteria food instead of making it.

That was when Gavin crashed into the room, yelling, “My boi!” really loudly and practically tackling Michael. Ryan felt lighter, like he wasn’t as concerned anymore. They’ll be fine. They’re all safe -- Geoff had dropped by earlier -- and they were going to find out what the fuck was going on.)

[montes-carpatus]

okay, path, but imagine: raychael where one of them owns a bakery and they keep making sweets bc they have to try out new things for the bakery and to perfect their current recipes. but the other one. HATES sweets. sweets are godawful and they hate them. and they try to be a supportive boyfriend but if they are told, "eat this, i want a second opinion" even again, they are going to scream and fucking move to ethiopia. screw you, sweets, and screw their life and screw you, boyfriend (love u tho).

  OMGMYO.

K, well, Michael opening this bakery was a huge deal. He worked so hard to make it possible. He wanted it to be entirely unique and he had to spent long days in the kitchen just trying new flavours and buttercreams.

“Ray, try this,” Michael presented a dark orange coloured cupcake. The frosting looked like simple buttercream and he chose an aluminum foil lining. Ray gave a look of disgust as he smelled the sugar content. Michael’s eyes twinkled and he couldn’t deny it when he was presented with that face. He took it and unwrapped it before shoving the whole thing in his mouth. He can practically feel the sugar granules on his tongue.

“Pumpkin spice?” Ray guessed. Michael frowned.

“That’s all?”

“There’s more?” he honestly just tasted sugar.

“I put coffee in it, to make it a Pumpkin Spice Latte Cupcake.” Michael groaned before going back to the kitchen. Ray chugged down the rest of his water bottle to rid his mouth of the taste.

For several days after, Michael would present him with a new cupcake flavour much to his displeasure. He tasted every one of them because how could he say no to his boyfriend. He was so proud of him. So proud of him bringing it all together on his own. He was fulfilling his dream of being his own pastry chef.

“No! I can’t take another one! Call Lindsay! Anyone but me!” Ray surrendered when he saw Michael walk into his office with another cupcake.

“Are they not good?” Michael asked as he dipped his finger into the frosting to taste.

“No, babe, no. That’s not what I mean. I just, can’t take all this sugar,” He rose from his desk to comfort him. His cupcake smelled like peppermint. “You’re going to kill me with diabetes.” He joked to make Michael smile again.

“Is peppermint and lavender a good idea though?” Michael asked.

“Sounds incredible. I’m sure Lindsay or Jack will give you a more honest opinion. I love you too much to tell you I hate them.”

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 1,580 (overall: 21,548)

pairings this chapter: freewood, turnjinx

ao3 mirror

warnings: manipulation? i guess.

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18

i’d probably still adore you with your hands around my neck, or i did last time i checked

Gavin made a loud distressed tone, Ryan just had to laugh at. "Payback, bitch!" he yelled cheerfully, watching as Gavin flailed about, trying to get his character in a racing game to move forwards. Ryan was blocking him with his own character, knowing that he wasn’t going to win anyway. So, naturally, he was screwing Gavin's chances as well.

"I didn't do-- anything, you moronic, bloody git!"

"You do something every day, Gavin," Ryan told him pompously, to which Gavin hit him in the face with a flailing hand.

"Gavin, I'm going to punch you. In the face. With my fist," he told Gavin, to which Gavin threw a hand at his face again.

"Gavin," he admonished through laughter.

"Yes, little pisspot?" Gavin asked innocently.

Ryan shook his head, saying, "Now you've done it," before bouncing.

Gavin's shrieks echoed throughout Ryan's room.

While Ray and Michael seemed to have taken a liking to Gavin, no one could top Barbara's. She seemed to be incredibly fond of the asshole. Why? Ryan couldn't even guess. (Or, y'know, maybe he was lying. Maybe. Just maybe.)

It wasn't odd to see Barbara hanging around Gavin, telling him stories (often with Ray, Michael and/or Ryan the butt of the joke) or teaching him ways to beat Ryan's scores.

Ryan was beginning to think that Barbara had something against him.

"Barbara," he greeted her, cutting her off in the middle of a sentence.

"Hi, Ryan," she replied, "how're you?"

"Better now?" he tried.

"Good try," she said, turning back to tell Gavin the rest of the story.

Gavin tried to smile at him, probably trying for a "what can you do?" smile, but ending up smug.

"Gavin, I'm warning you," Ryan said, "Gavin." Gavin gave him a cheeky grin. Bastard.

"Gavin, I'm going to murder you," Gavin just kept advancing, holding his bloody hand out towards Ryan.

"Gavin, I'm wearing a white dress shirt, you're not going to ruin it and people are going to notice you just killed someone," sure, he had a suit jacket to put on, but he'd rather not leave things up to chance. If even one person noticed the blood, they were screwed. Or, like, maybe only a little bit screwed. Ryan doubted fancy parties such as these had many -- well-trained -- bodyguards. Usually, they tended to only be able to take down normal people, not Agents. The only bodyguard-turned-Agent (aka such a good bodyguard RG-T had to have him) Ryan could think of was Blaine, who was able to stop Barbara's attempt at assassination.

"No, Rye," Gavin corrected, "they're going to notice you killed someone. I am spotlessly clean." Bastard.

“Gavin, no,” and there was Gavin’s bloody hand on Ryan’s shirt. Leaving its mark. Which was going to take forever to wash out, goddamn it.

Ryan looked up towards Gavin slowly, saying, “If you’re not in the car by the time I get on my jacket, we’re going to have a fistfight in the middle of this fancy party.”

(They did, in fact, have a fistfight in the middle of that fancy party, but it wasn’t because of Gavin’s assholeness. Turned out-- they were set up. Gavin got a bloody nose at the end of the day and Ryan told him it really fit his personality.)

It was laughable, how easy it was to find Gavin, a spy, in a building. Just ask Michael which direction he went in, promise not to murder Gavin (but if you do, do it painfully?), and be on your merry way.

Meg would have liked the challenge but whatever. Easy was nice sometimes.

She found him in Geoff's office, drinking the owner's bourbon. Meg admired his courage. Maybe not stupidity, knowing how much Geoff liked him.

“Dude,” she said, staring at his tilting body in Geoff’s chair, “if you fall and get blood on the floor, Geoff is going to kill you.”

Gavin waved a disinterested hand in her direction. “It’s all alright, innit?”

“Not if he murders you, no,” Meg disagreed, “poor Geoff is going to cry because of  his lost bourbon.”

Meg moved closer to the table, as Gavin continued his previous trail of thought, “I mean like-- life. It’s all alright.”

Meg looked at the almost empty bourbon bottle on the table, different from the one Gavin was drinking from, shrugging and taking a swing. God, why did all bourbon taste the same?

“I guess so, yeah,” she concurred, “we do kill people and steal for a living though, many would consider that not alright.”

"It's peaceful," Gavin agreed.

"Is that going to change?" Meg asked, looking at Gavin more carefully. Not many subscribed to the theory that Gavin was a double agent, not anymore, not after everything he’d done over the year (well, almost a year) he’d been at RG-T, but Meg couldn’t just assume them to be false. She was a spy, not hired muscle.

“Everything changes,” he slurred and Meg couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t answer, didn’t give away his secrets, even when drunk. Either it was accidental, he was faking or someone had taught the guy well.

Maybe he’d let secrets slip if she asked something a bit more personal. “Like your relationship with Ryan?”

Gavin blinked, clearly not expecting that question, drunk mind trying to process it. “He’s lovely,” was all he said.

Meg had been expecting denial, honestly. She still didn’t know why Gavin had rejected Ryan, but she’d assumed it was some sort of in the closet thing (she felt like there wasn't a time she didn’t know she was bi due to a open minded parent, whod sat her down and told her of different sexualities, but she had helped Ashley come to terms with hers, long before they decided they wanted to date each other, back when Meg was still with SourceFed), she’d seen many Agents who were fine with seducing people they didn’t consider part of their sexuality, yet unable to admit that they liked someone of the same sex romantically -- or, if just sexually, not for a job. Gavin seemed just fine with the fact that Ryan was a man, so something else had to be holding him back. Meg wondered what it was.

“Lovely?” she egged him on.

“And smart. And pretty. And my favourite.” Well, at least it was obvious that Gavin had the same feelings Ryan had and Ryan didn’t just misjudge the situation.

“And where is your favourite right now?” Meg asked, having not seen Ryan the whole day.

Gavin seemed to think about that for a little, “Probably choking one of the guards to the control room.”

“And why is he doing that, Gavin?” Meg asked, more than a little on edge.

Gavin shrugged, “He does things sometimes. That he thinks are the best for everyone, but really they only benefit him.”

“He needs to see Caleb?” she asked, trying to think of some other reason for Ryan to go to the control room, but coming up with nothing.

“Funhaus tested out a new knocking out gas today, but it was too strong. The control room guys don’t know that. If they stay in the room too long, they’ll die. Ryan is trying to help, but really he wants a copy of Matt’s office’s recordings. He doesn’t know they don’t exist, not where the control room can reach them.”

“And you didn’t tell him that?” Meg asked carefully.

“The control room is important to R-GT, if the blokes there die, we’d have to bring in new blood,” Meg understood that, but she was sort of lost on why Gavin cared about not having new blood.

“You’re not helping?”

Gavin shrugged, “I told him what he needed to know. I helped.”

So Ryan was trying to get to his goal, which he couldn’t do because Gavin didn’t give him enough information, and Gavin was clearly already close to his goal, letting Ryan do the dirty work.

Maybe it was better they never got together.

“Rye!” Ryan heard, after hours of dealing with a very pissed off crowd. The Funhaus guys seemed to like him more though.

Ryan turned towards Gavin, who seemed to be very tipsy, if not absolutely smashed. Ryan could never tell with Gavin.

“Gavin,” he greeted, smiling.

“Rye,” Gavin replied, leaning against the wall, in a move that should not be attractive, holy shit. Ryan, get a grip. The guy was drunk, drunk people were not attractive. Ever.

“Did you need anything?” he asked, making certain Gavin wouldn’t tip over and fall on the floor. While funny, it would make it very hard to have a conversation with him.

“Anyone die?” Gavin asked.

Ryan shook his head, the lingering feelings of disappointment bubbling back to the surface (where did they keep Hullum’s videos then?), “Someone hit their head pretty hard and they’re all in the medical wing right now, but they seemed fine, last I checked.”

“That’s good,” Gavin commented, before leaning forward in a mockery of subtlety, “Got what you wanted?”

“No,” Ryan sighed, “it wasn’t there.” He wondered if he’d told Gavin he was planning on looking for Hullum’s videos, but he couldn’t remember more than concern from the memories of the event of Gavin coming to him, asking for help.

“That’s a shame,” Gavin said, before pausing to think, “want to have dinner until Ray and Michael come to us to complain about being left out?”

Was that--

Ryan smiled, pleased and happy, “I’d love to.”

[blackkristin]

Love your cup de sacs freewood story! Good work

thank you!!! it has come off outline so much, i’m worried that it might not fit the 18 chapters, and have had to cut out content because of it.but, damn it, it is staying 18 chapters, even if i have to make one of the chapters 10k (this will probably not happen but i wouldn’t put it past me).

and i’m doing that thing again. where i keep talking about things no one asked for. ao3 comments are full of them. also mild spoilers. i need to tone that down.

anyway, i’m glad that people seem to like it so much! :D <3

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 2,153 (overall: 21,548)

pairings this chapter: freewood, turnjinx

ao3 mirror

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18

for the record, i never wanted this

Ryan sighed, crouching on top of a very tall shelf. “Where are you?”

The comm fizzled to life, “About to hack terminal B.”

Ryan looked towards the ceiling, wondering why he even tried, “I can’t protect you if you hack terminal B. Go to C.”

The comm was quiet. Ryan started moving towards terminal B, already guessing the answer. “But I’m right here,” Gavin defended.

“You won’t be when the mercenaries come and fucking murder you,” Ryan argued, dropping down from the shelf and moving down a hallway, after checking his map for enemies.

He added, “If they don’t, I will,” and wasn’t surprised when the alarm for a terminal getting hacked sounded. God, Ryan hated his life.

He wished he could say that it was a post-rejection thing but, truth was, Gavin had always been doing that. Gavin was a lazy asshole, whom Ryan wished he could choke with his bare hands.

“Tell me you’re at least hiding somewhere and not in plain sight,” he said, nearing terminal B and having to hide so the mercs wouldn’t see him just casually walking around. While a great distraction, also a great way to get fucking killed.

“Yep,” Gavin answered, quieter than before, and Ryan guessed that the mercenaries were near by. He didn’t say the comment he wanted to because of the chance of Gavin responding and giving away his position.

But, thing was, Ryan didn’t know how well hidden he was. He couldn't just assume that the mercs wouldn’t find him, that was a surefire way for Gavin to die. This wouldn’t be a problem if Gavin had been at terminal C or if he’d told Ryan beforehand which terminal he was planning on hacking so he could check it out. And now he couldn’t even ask Gavin where he was hidden.

He was so going to tell on him to Geoff when they got back. Let Geoff deal with the mess.

All right, what was the biggest, most ridiculous distraction Ryan could think of? That,  preferably, didn’t kill him. Preferably, it would kill Gavin.

Well, he could always just shoot one of them and let the others run after him, but he always did that. It was beginning to get boring and Ryan hated being boring.

The building they were currently stealing information from happened to be a factory in past. A paint factory.

Ryan turned to walk back the way he came, a plan in mind but stopped short. A mercenary who hadn’t been on the map before, had her back to Ryan. If Ryan made any sort of noise, she was going to notice him.

“Yeah,” the merc said, probably to someone on the comm, “I can't find the other one. Yeah, I’ll keep looking, Miles.”

Ryan started slowly backing towards the door a few feet behind him. It would take him away from the paint plan, but he’d wasted too much time, Gavin might need help by now.

“Okay, first of all, don’t make it weird,” the mercenary continued, “second of all, you stop right there.”

Ryan froze. So much for avoiding confrontation and making certain that Gavin hadn’t been killed.

The mercenary turned around and-- seemed exasperated? “I’m not with those goons,” she said, hiding a bit of black hair under her hat, “I’m a spy. Like you. Technically.”

The uniform seemed exactly like the ones the mercs used, so Ryan didn’t blame himself for assuming (she even held herself the same!), but it did explain why she wasn’t on the map. It didn’t, however, explain what Agency she was from or how much of a threat she was to him, the mission or Gavin.

Fuck, Ryan really hoped that Gavin had a great hiding place.

“B-OWN,” she said it like ‘bow’ (what was with countries and saying words wrong?), but Ryan could assume the writing from all the times the two Agencies had clashed, like their countries did. All countries, theoretically, had an Agency. Ryan didn’t know almost all of them, but he’d heard Ray and Michael complain about a few fucking up their missions.

“Are you actually American or is it a fake accent?” he asked, curious.

She laughed, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

She then sobered and looked at him, “Those mercs might not be with me, but they were hired by me. If you don’t listen to what I’m saying and then do me a tiny little favour, your partner is going to die. They might not know where he’s hiding, but I sure as hell do.”

Goddamn it.

“All right, I’m listening,” Ryan replied, watching her more closely.

“Don’t worry, it’s not betrayal in any way,” the B-OWN spy said, turning around, “follow me, why don’t you?”

Ryan debated attacking her but decided against it, he didn’t know the extent of her abilities. If he didn’t kill her on the first try, she had time to give Gavin’s location away. So he followed.

“Smart choice.”

They walked towards the part of the factory Ryan had thought paint would have been in. He wondered if it was a coincidence or if they had a mental evaluation of him. If they did, R-GT was quite screwed.

“As I was saying,” she didn’t even look at him, just seemed to be looking for something in the rooms they walked past, “I just need you to send a message. To your leader, a Mister Hullum, yes?”

She didn’t allow him to answer before continuing, “He’ll of course ask for our motive so say that we don’t expect him to say yes, we just need proof that our actions to follow were justified. We’d rather not start a war, you understand. Makes it harder to find jobs. Hell, maybe he won’t want one either and we won’t have to do what we have planned and get what we want peacefully.”

And, if it did happen, they knew from their mental evaluation that Ryan wouldn’t lie to save Hullum’s hide. If it’d been Geoff, sure, but he didn’t know Hullum and, as such, didn’t feel a need to protect him. His mistakes were his own. B-OWN was craftier than Ray and Michael’s stories made them out to be.

“Aha!” she said, pointing into a room Ryan couldn’t see, “there’s some paint there. Now, I expect you to tell your leader this: we want him back. He’ll know who.”

She shrugged, looking casual, “And if you don’t, we can always just arrange another meeting and, this time, your partner won’t make it out alive. Y’know how business goes, sometimes hiding places are a little bit too indiscreet.”

If she wasn’t an enemy, Ryan thought he would have liked her. As it was, he was only feeling threatened and annoyed.

Well, he did have paint now.

Ryan sought out Geoff a few hours after arriving at HQ. Geoff was, of course, with Gavin, drinking.

“Geoff,” he said, feeling a bit too jittery to joke around, “Geoff.”

Geoff turned towards him and an expression of annoyance turned into concern fast enough for Ryan to wonder how he looked like. “Yeah, buddy?”

“Which office is Hullum camping out in this week?”

Geoff looked at him, concern still prominent on his face, and offered to take him there. Ryan, not certain if he even knew most of the building, thanked him. They left Gavin alone, staring at them with an odd expression on his face. Ryan tried to think of a name for it but left it at being drunk and not processing things, not being able to look at Gavin without feeling both the sting of rejection and concern for his welfare.

Geoff didn’t speak on the way to Hullum’s office, for which Ryan was grateful. He didn’t however, stay quiet the whole trip, coming to a pause in front of an office Ryan assumed to be Hullum’s. “Are you okay?”

“Me? Yeah, I’m fine,” Ryan nodded, which was true. Gavin was the one in danger and Hullum was the one in trouble. Ryan was just stuck in the middle, trying to not let the worst come.

Geoff looked dubious but still opened the door to the office with a keycard, letting Ryan enter first and then following after him, letting the door close with a quiet sound. (Ryan had totally forgotten about those, holy shit. How did he plan to get inside without Geoff’s help?)

As expected, Hullum did seem concerned. Not enough to do what B-OWN wanted him to, but he was concerned.

“Ryan?” Ashley asked, but he played her no mind, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Hullum was letting B-OWN’s plan start.

“Ryan, I’m going to throw this handgun at your face,” Ryan looked at Ashley, who didn’t appear to have any weapons on her, but he didn’t doubt that she did.

“You aren’t allowed to bring weapons to movie night,” he told her, accusingly.

“No, Ryan,” she replied, smiling, “you’re not allowed to bring weapons to movie night.”

Rude.

“You’re rude,” he told her.

Meg and Ashley had been on a mission for weeks again -- separate ones, of course -- and invited him to movie night with them. Probably because they were going to grill him on the rejection-- confession. They didn’t know about the rejection, as far Ryan was aware. Gossip was, however, a big part of RG-T so maybe they had heard something? Ryan could never tell with those two.

“Guys!” Meg called from the kitchen, “we don’t have ice cream.”

Ashley turned towards Ryan, as accusingly as Ryan had just moments before, “You. Broke into our room. And ate our ice cream.”

Ryan shrugged, having no explanation that didn’t just scream “I’m pathetic and human,” at them.

Ashley kept eyeing him, even as Meg walked into the room, carrying a bowl of popcorn and some sort of chocolate bar, which she somehow managed to throw at Ryan, despite both of her hands holding the bowl.

Oh, hey, dark chocolate. The other two didn’t like it, so they had to have bought it just for him, which was flattering Also, concerning, Ryan didn’t think he’d told them he prefers dark chocolate.

“Right, guys, what are we watching?” Meg asked, sitting between Ashley and Ryan, so she could share the popcorn bowl.

Ryan shrugged. “Fantastic four?”

Meg and Ashley looked at him judgingly, “It wasn’t that bad!”

“It was,” Meg nodded, “it was that bad.”

Ashley hummed, “I’ve never seen Matilda.”

“What?” Meg gasped, “we are seeing Matilda right now.”

That was a total lie, they’d seen Matilda at least three times during movie nights. But it was comforting and Ryan didn’t argue, setting in to watch the film.

Ryan needed to find Ray for advice to beat a dragon in Dragon Age Inquisition, so he set out to find him. Ray wasn’t in his room nor Michael’s, neither of them were in any of the training grounds. It was almost as impossible as beating that stupid fucking dragon.

Fuck you, DA:I.

“Ryan!” someone called, “we’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Ryan turned around and was surprised to note that Ray wasn’t accompanied by MIchael but instead Gavin.

“Yes?” he asked, blinking, momentarily forgetting his frustration at impossible video games on casual difficulty.

“Right, so, can you do that thing where you,” Ray made several hand gestures Ryan didn't understand but took as sexual, because it was the most likely option.

He squinted. “I don’t have a buttblug with a tail at the end of it?”

“What?” Ray asked, “what?”

Gavin seemed confused in the same way. Damn it, plan B. Make it seem like a joke.

“What do you want, Ray? I’m not gonna borrow a cockring to you either,” Ray looked horrified, while Gavin was holding back laughter.

“You have a cockring?” Ray finally said, “and you’re not whoring it out? Ryan, that’s just bad for business, think of all the money you could get from deprived Agents.”

“And get diseases when I use it myself? I think not,” Ryan replied.

Gavin was refusing to look in his direction but Ryan couldn’t even imagine if it was the mental image or the awkwardness after the rejection rearing its head.

Maybe both.

Probably.

“Right, what did you want?”

Ray nodded, trying to look like a wise old man, with his fingers laced and a ridiculous look on his face, “Teach us your ways, master. How do you make such good omelettes?”

Oh, he hadn’t been expecting that.

“Sure, why not?”

(Gavin didn’t look at him until he tasted the omelettes, when he turned towards Ryan with wide eyes and complimented him. It was the first thing he’d said to Ryan’s face since the whole mess began and he didn’t know he was smiling until Ashley commented on it to hours later, telling him to tone it down a notch, people thought he had killed someone and got away with it.)

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 2,059 (overall: 21,548)

pairings this chapter: freewood, raychael

warning: talks of a codependent relationship (it’s not romanticized)

ao3 mirror

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18

or is it you're unkind

A few weeks after Ryan’s talk with Meg; Ray, Gavin and Michael’s job ended. Personally, Ryan loved the longer missions because he thought HQ and the fact that he never left the building was just plain sad. He knew that Ray and Michael didn’t really care about the length of the mission, Ray even less so than Michael, who tended to get restless if the mission was a lot of sitting around and doing nothing. Gavin didn’t seem to share any of their opinions.

“It was bloody awful!” he’d said, annoyed, when Ryan’d asked him how the mission went. Ryan’d moved his gaze away from the targets Gavin was shooting with an M16 and raised an eyebrow from where he sat cross-legged on the floor. He would have thought that Gavin would have loved Milan (technically, he wasn’t supposed to know it was to Milan but Geoff tended to forget that Ryan didn’t know all and just thoughtlessly blurted out info, he didn’t seem to be aware he was doing it).

Gavin huffed, readjusting his grip on the assault rifle, “It was sunny and there were hot birds everywhere,” he glanced at Ryan, seeing if he’d have to explain the slang, and Ryan nodded, showing that he did understand, “and Ray didn’t want to go outside at all. Which meant that Michael wouldn’t go outside for the whole of the trip,” he paused, turning to Ryan, “is that normal?”

Thank god, Ryan wasn’t the only one to think those two’s relationship wasn’t healthy (he’d say it was codependent but he didn’t think that their self-worth came from the other, hopedreally). He was beginning to think that he was taking things out of proportion. “Depends on the context,” he answered, though it hurt slightly to turn away his only ally on the issue, “if they were there for fun, it’d be more of a problem. They were on a job though, which is more dangerous.”

He added, just to make certain that his ally wouldn’t drop his concerns, “Michael and Ray have problems with dependency though, so maybe even a small thing to someone else is a big issue to them that they need to work on,” he paused, “if they even know about it. I haven’t brought my concerns up yet, as I don’t have evidence. Just vague concerns. It’s unlikely that if they know about them, they realise how unhealthy it is and that it needs help.”

Gavin was staring at him. Ryan wondered if it was because he didn’t expect Ryan to talk so much of the topic (he was concerned about his friends, of course he would!) or if he was thinking back to his memories of the couple.

Ryan coughed, nervous, “So, you were saying?”

Gavin blinked, seemingly having forgotten about the topic before Ray and Michael had come up, but was quick to get worked up again. “New Agents can’t leave one of their superiors’ sides.”

Oh, so Gavin had been stuck inside the whole trip, Ryan could understand that. Weeks of being in one place always made his paranoia act up (more than usual), though he doubted that that was Gavin’s problem. He understood the need to  move still.

He’d forgotten all about those rules, actually, because Gavin rarely left his side on the bigger missions. Those rules might be why that was so. Well, that surely explained why he got so annoyed when Ryan didn’t want to go to a bar with him. (Ryan didn’t think he’d ever been in a bar for fun. It was always either a job or trying to find Michael or Geoff.)

“Come on,” he said, moving to stand, “let’s play something on the XBox, make you lose some of those post-missions jitters.” Gavin’s hands had been slightly shaking when he’d been shooting, Ryan had noticed, not enough to miss the target but enough to not get the score he usually did.

Gavin didn’t appeared phased by the request, but he cleaned the gun a little bit too fast (like he was showing off but Ryan knew he wasn’t, why bother showing off to someone who knows most, if not all, of your weaknesses?), so Ryan thought he seemed grateful.

Ryan had not seen Michael or Ray since they came back, when they’d crashed into him, faux-sobbing, yelling about how much they’d missed their precious husband (who was also cheating? was that why they were sobbing? Ryan wasn't really paying attention because Gavin was making faces at Ray and Michael’s backs), and, after a few suggestive winks, told him they were going to bed, inviting Ryan along. Ryan had rejected the offer, as Gavin had told him that they needed to play Minecraft right then and tehre and that he’d found a game where he was better than Ryan at. (He had indeed won but Ryan knew he’d cheated -- of course he did, he was Gavin.)

The pair of them never went a day without bothering Ryan at least once. Ryan was beginning to think that Gavin had told them of Ryan’s concerns and that they’d alienated him, seeing him as a danger to their relationship.

He couldn’t tell if he was more concerned or annoyed. They’d spent years being each other’s friends and they cut him out just like that?

Unbelieveable. Ryan wished he could be angry at Gavin, but it wasn’t like he planned to ruin the friendship between Ryan, Ray and Michael. He had been just as concerned as Ryan was. Well, knowing Gavin, a lot less, but he was still concerned.

But Ray and Michael did find him three days after no contact. For any of their friends. Ryan would have been less concerned, had he not thought that Gavin had told on him. They tended to fall off the face of the Earth sometimes.

“Ryan!” Ray beamed and it was so obviously fake that Ryan wondered if they were going to lead him somewhere quiet to kill him. “So, guess what we did for the last three days.”

Ryan looked at them, moving his eyes from top to bottom, finding no blood anywhere and nothing changed. “Slept?”

Ray snorted, waggling his eyebrows comically, “Together.”

Michael shook his head, smiling, and Ryan found himself saying, “I don’t think you can have sex for three straight days.”

“Nah, man,” Ray replied, “you’re just not trying hard enough.”

“To what? To die?”

“And what a way to go, Rye,” Michael said, before changing the topic to their last mission.

They appeared to be ignoring what Ryan had said about them and Ryan had always been weak in the threat of losing his friends so he supposed he should too. Until their relationship became really bad, at least. Right now, they seemed to have some sort of a network of friends, even if it was shared and not really helpful in any way. But, still, it was something. At least they weren’t 100% dependant of each other. Yet.

Gavin had a habit of forcing Ryan, Geoff, Michael and Ray to play Monopoly with him at least once a week, if they could. If one of them was missing, Monopoly night was off. (But if Ashley and Meg were around, they played Cards Against Humanity instead.)

Ray whined, staring at the brown plot of land he’d have to mortgage to pay Geoff, as he’d landed on South Carolina Avenue. “B-but brown,” he turned teary eyes towards Geoff, who looked towards the sky in contempt for the living.

“Buddy,” he said, “fucking-- stop. You don’t even like this game.”

Ray’s expression did a 180, staring at Geoff in a mix of disgust and surprise, “And you do?”

Michael sighed from beside Ray, mortgaging Ray’s space and getting the money from the bank for Geoff.

Geoff was dominating the board that day, followed by Gavin and Ryan. Michael’s only valuable space was Electric Company and he “refused to believe that bullshit” (???), while Ray had both Park Place and Boardwalk but really awful luck. No one had stopped on them in the hour that he’d had them.

Ray sighed dramatically, staring wistfully at his dark blue spaces. He’d have to mortgage them soon. Michael, the banker, wasn’t taking pity on him and cheating him money, like he did sometimes.

“Can we stop now?” Geoff looked at Gavin, “I have a meeting with Matt in half an hour. And I’d like to be drunk before it happens.”

Gavin frowned, “Will I be seeing you today?”

“No?” Geoff asked, clearly confused.

“Okay then!” Gavin nodded and as soon as the first word was out, Ray was across the room, already slamming the door behind him. Michael sighed, jogging to catch up with him, leaving the door wide open instead of slamming it. Geoff shook his head and followed after them, muttering something under his breath (it was probably insulting, knowing Geoff).

Ryan, having nothing better to do that day, started putting the game back in the box. Gavin didn’t help him, which was nothing surprising.

“Geoff gets pissy when he’s drunk and has had a meeting with Matt,” Gavin said, as Ryan methodically made certain any Monopoly dollars weren’t upside down.

“Geoff is always pissy,” Ryan replied, distracted.

A pause. “True.”

Who the fuck kept putting the dollars upside down. Why did he always have to make certain they were all facing the same direction. Who did Ryan have to beat  the fuck up.

“Is it you, Gavin?” he muttered, “are you the asshole who keeps making my life harder?”

“What?” Gavin asked, apparently having heard that.

“Oh, um,” Ryan stuttered, “nothing. Nothing. It was nothing.”

Gavin hummed, but didn’t press the subject, which was out of character for him. Gavin always wanted to know everything about everyone, but was one of the most private people Ryan had ever met.

Ryan looked at Gavin over his shoulder and was met with a quizzical look. He thought there was calculation behind there was well.

Ryan frowned at him and Gavin smiled in response. Ryan took that as a good sign. Gavin wasn’t planning to kill him, at least -- Gavin didn’t know how to fake a smile to save his life. (Except if he found Ryan’s death amusing? Was it normal to think that about your friends? Wait, Ryan did that for everyone. Normal for Ryan at least.)

“Michael and Ray,” Gavin started, “you and them have been good friends for years?”

Ryan nodded, picking up the Monopoly pieces, “They decided I was their friend and they haven’t let go yet.”

“What made them decide to keep you?” Gavin asked, curious tone giving away for something else, a hidden emotion that Ryan didn’t understand. Couldn’t even pinpoint.

“I don’t know,” he confessed to his partner, “I never asked.”

“Never?” Gavin asked, astonished.

“It felt too odd, y’know? We’d known each other for half a year before I realised it wasn’t normal.” From the sounds from behind him, Gavin was hiding laughter into his hand. Asshole.

Ryan had to wipe the smile off his face before looking back towards Gavin again, seeing him almost hunched over with silent laughter, occasional squeaks escaping him.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, asshole,” he said, smiling.

After about a minute of constant laughing, Gavin straightened. “Okay, I’m-- I’m all right now.”

Ryan put the lid on the Monopoly box, content with its organization. He stood, stretching, and started walking towards the door when a thought struck him. Meg would be mad at him for not using the perfect opportunity to not ask Gavin out. Gavin was happy and he was happy and they were alone -- no Ray or Michael around to ruin it.

“Hey, Gav?” he asked, turning towards his partner, who looked at him curiously, “would you be interested in--” you can do it, you can do it! “hanging out?”

Well. Not perfect. At all. But. Good enough, he supposed.

Gavin looked at the Monopoly box on the floor. “No, like,” fuck, this was hard, “dinner?”

Gavin looked at him uncomprehendingly for a solid few seconds that seemed stretched out to a full hour, before he seemed to realise just what Ryan had asked.

“No,” Gavin blinked, seemingly still baffled, “thank you.”

Ryan nodded, heart in his throat, and left the room. Meg owed him so much fucking ice cream he wasn’t even kidding.

[ragehappysecretsanta]

Ragehappy Secret Santa 2015

Hello Ragehappies,

Even though it seems like yesterday we were getting everything ready for 2014 it’s about time for me to welcome you all to the Ragehappy Secret Santa 2015.

What is the Ragehappy Secret Santa I hear some of you ask?

This event came into existence around two years ago as a way of giving the community something fun to do around the holidays and as a way of sharing some of the wonderful talent our Ragehappies have to offer in the form of gifts.

All writers and artists are welcome to join, where you’ll receive a prompt from a mystery prompter that you’ll have three months to work on whilst another mystery person works on a gift for you. Around Christmas all of the gifts will be posted, names will be revealed and, hopefully, everyone will have enjoyed themselves!

Here’s just a quick summary of what the gifts should be:

FANFICTIONS: Should be well-written and show that the author has put time and effort into it. There is no word limit, but please try to produce something that you would like to receive yourself! ART: Should be coloured and clean.

Simples.

Changes from 2014

If you are new to the event please bear with me whilst I just lay out some changes from last year, I know that quite a few of you oldies are looking to participate again so it would just be nice to get used to some of the new things that will be in place this year.

All participants will be required to submit prompts for both a writer and an artist. We had a disproportionate amount of artists compared to writers last year and had to email people to request artist prompts!

All participants will be required to list at least one popular pairing as something they would like to receive. We will try our absolute best to match you with somebody whose pairings match yours, but as an absolute last resort having one popular pairing helps us. 

If you decide to submit NSFW prompts you will be required to submit a SFW prompt alongside them. My main priority when assigning is to get pairings matched, so last year we had the odd person who had submitted only NSFW prompts and no one who matched their pairings willing to write it!

This year I will be even stricter when it comes to checking in and deadlines, the vast majority of last year’s participants were incredibly nice and helpful regarding this but we still had some hiccups at the very end when people just disappeared off the face of the planet and I had to do some last-minute reassigning.

Participants will have one week after each check-in and the final deadline to respond to our emails before being removed from the event. 

However, I am willing to work with you. So if you have things happening in real life around those dates, or if you recognise you need more time, please let me know. Last year quite a few people asked for extensions, or told us they couldn’t make particular check-ins, and we were absolutely able to accommodate them. But the earlier we know the easier our job is!

Sign-Up Information

Sign-ups for this year’s Secret Santa are now open.

You can find information about the form you need to fill in and where you need to send it here.

They will be open until the 25th August, and then I will be pairing up those who have applied and will - hopefully - get out details of prompts before the 1st September.

You will then have until the 1st December to finish your gift and get it sent into us at [email protected]. I will be checking up on you throughout the 3 months, and if you have and questions and queries don’t hesitate to ask or check out our FAQ page.

You will not know the name of the person whose prompt you’ve received, or who has received your prompt, until gifts are posted!

I think that’s about it for this information post! I really look forward to seeing who signs up!

- Ave

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 1,411 (overall: 21,548)

pairings this chapter: freewood, turnjinx

ao3 mirror

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18

so for once in my life, let me get what i want

It took thirty minutes of staring at the leaderboard for the obstacle course for Ryan to realise that he’d become so used to Gavin being on it, he had automatically imagined Gavin’s name right below his own. It wasn’t there, of course (replaced by FOURTH PLACE -- BARBARA DUNKELMAN), as Gavin was on a mission with Ray and Michael. (Leaderboards reset every week, after all. And Gavin had been gone for far longer.)

It wasn’t surprising for an Agent to take up a job with someone (or, in this case, people) who wasn’t their partner, but Ryan found himself unbalanced, wobbling on the edge ofsomething, anyway. Hell, Ryan had taken missions with Ray and Michael. That’d been before Gavin though (B.G. -- wait, no, that was weird, don’t make it weird, Ryan) and Ryan had spent so much time with the guy (though he didn’t actually know how long, a few months, at least?), he found himself having nothing to do with him gone (and Ray and Michael, of course, who usually spent most of the day with Ryan -- Ryan wondered if he was a third wheel and didn’t even realise it).

Most of Ryan’s day was spent trying to top Gavin at something (Geoff was still not allowing him near the archery course on the grounds of “fuck you, Haywood, no.”) or trying to win one bet or another (that was usually more Michael’s area but Ryan wasn’t above trying to win a few bets he thought he’d be able to do). In the beginning they’d been only about missions and scores, but as time went on, they became more ridiculous and more ridiculous, from “if we threw this coin into Ray’s eye, which side would be the one to come in contact with the eye?” -- the answer was neither because Ray threatened to stab them in their eyes with that same coin to see how they liked it (but Michael had bet neither, stifling laughter, and he won that particular bet, even if Gavin considered it unfair because he knew Ray most) -- to “who can make Gus yell most with just one sentence?” -- that’d been Gavin, but he’d done so accidentally (apparently he’d vandalized Gus’ office the last time he was drunk with Geoff), just a, “hi, Gus,” had made Gus yell more than when Ryan tried to make him yell.

Actually, maybe that vandalism was why Gavin started that bet in the first place. Asshole.

“Ryan!” Ashley said, standing in front of him, mouth quirked up, “stop smiling at nothing and help me hide these guns.” She pointed to her left, where all of the guns were in a -- oh god,why -- pile and Ryan’s heart hurt at the picture.

“Are they loaded?” he asked, not moving closer until he was certain it was safe.

“Yes, Ryan,” Ashley replied, exasperated, “I put a bunch of loaded guns in a pile. Because I have no trigger discipline.”

“Why’re they in a pile anyway?” Ryan muttered as he moved close enough to the pile to -- carefully -- take a gun into his arms, ended up holding the AK-47 like he would a small child.

Ashley didn’t seem to have that problem, holding a sniper rifle like she was ready to drop and shoot at any moment -- Ryan was beginning to doubt they were not loaded.

“You’re always so reverent of guns,” she said, giving him a look as she moved farther into the room and Ryan followed, not certain what to do.

“That’s because it’s only right,” he defended, “they deserve respect. They help us not die while on the job.”

Ashley placed the sniper rifle behind a panel on the wall that Ryan didn’t even know existed. “They also hurt and kill us.” She paused, amused, “Just like partners.”

Ashley preferred to work alone, if she could, Ryan knew. If she had to have a mission partner, her contract -- different from most Agents’ -- didn’t allow them to join her on a mission again. Ryan’d never been a mission with her and he knew neither had Meg, Ashley didn’t mix pleasure and work at all.

Before Gavin, Ryan had been much of the same (it wasn’t like Gavin changed his opinion on partners, god, no, but he’d grown used to having him along on missions and it was strangely comforting). The only thing different had been that he had mix pleasure and work, being on missions with Ray and Michael or Meg were fun.

But the paranoid about partners thing? Yes, that was very much still true. Speaking of partners--

“Was I really smiling at nothing?” he asked, trailing after her again to the other side of the room, where she’d undoubtedly hide the AK-47 in a spot he hadn’t noticed once again.

Ashley didn’t even answer, just looked at him like she couldn’t believe he was asking something so obvious, and Ryan sighed.

It took thirty minutes of helping Ashley hide several guns around the room for Ryan to finally ask why she was doing so.

“Meg and I’s anniversary is soon,” she said, like that explained anything.

“That explains nothing,” Ryan told her, watching as she hid another gun.

Ashley hummed. “Did you know that we got together in this room as she shot at me?” he had not, in fact, known that. He was surprised at how he wasn’t surprised at all. These two were odd, but their traditions always had an explanation, even if it was a convoluted one.

“Why was she shooting at you?” he asked, curious. Certainly, Ash and Meg fought, there was no way they didn’t, but Ryan had never seen it happen.

“Training exercise,” Ashley shrugged. Ryan’s respect for them was already very high but it went up a notch.

“So who asked out who?” he continued, appreciating her for not mentioning how he was using her as a distraction from his thoughts.

“That’d be me,” she nodded at the hiding place approvingly -- they’d tried out three different places for the handgun already -- and Ryan wouldn’t have ever guessed that a weapon was hidden there, “she shot right below my foot, an inch higher and it would have been my toe, and I asked her out to dinner.”

Ryan had no idea how that was romantic but he didn’t ask.

“So,” Ashley started, glancing at him from the corner of her eyes, “you asking for advice to ask him out?” Ryan thought she needed to tone down the disapproving tone but he appreciated how she was trying anyway.

“Nah,” he replied, not certain if he was joking or not at all, “that’s what Meg is for.”

Ashley laughed, “True.”

He did end up talking to Meg about it, though he didn’t mean to. They’d been playing Halo multiplayer together, when she’d said, “My anniversary was yesterday.”

“Congrats,” he’d replied, trying to get her with a sniper rifle, but ended up being killed by a Warthog by a player on his own damn team -- was that Ray. (The chat said “sorry, ry,” a second later and he decided it was, in fact, Ray Narvaez Jr., who was going to die later that day.) (Wasn’t he supposed to be on a job?)

“You came up as a topic on my anniversary,” Meg continued, swearing when he managed to get behind her for a kill.

“I don’t want to join your relationship,” he told her, “as lovely and pretty as you both are, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle Ashley kicking me out of bed every night.”

Meg laughed, “That bed is really not big enough for three.”

Ryan had actually slept in the same bed as both of them a few times, mostly because they’d spent too long talking and he was too tired to leave, and he always woke up in the middle of the night because Ashley took up too much space on the bed and he fell off. Every. Single. Time.

He was beginning to think she did that on purpose.

Meg let the silence continue until she’d headshot him at least twice in-game, “Gavin is nice, isn’t he?”

“Actually, he’s kind of an utter dick.”

“Yeah,” Meg agreed, smiling, “he is. You still like him though.”

“I don’t know,” he told her and meant it. Feelings were confusing.

“Going to ask him out?” she asked and Ryan loved his friends, he did, but he wished they’d just back off.

“Not a part of my current plans,” he replied and she dropped the subject, for which he was grateful. If it’d been Michael or -- god forbid -- Ray, they would have prodded him until he blew up and blurted how something that proved they were right. Meg was a little more subtle, she left him to think about the subject until he came back to her and admitted defeat.

[whalehuntingboyfriends]

WIP fic recs

Hi guys! I realised the other day that there’s actually quite a few fics that I’m following right now, so I thought I’d make a fic rec list of some of the WIPs that I’m excited about at the moment.

All of these are incomplete, some haven’t updated in a little while, but they’re all still really good reads (and some are updating quite frequently).

Mostly Gavin-centric, some contain nsfw, all warnings are contained within the stories’ notes.

Like Colours Meshing, Incoherently by percolating

Michael is an edgy, godless Christian who hides behind fists and anger to prove that he doesn’t care dearly about anything, because anything worth having winds up lost to him. Gavin is a carefree British boy who rolls with the punches and pretends to love everyone because as he figures, the more you have, the less it matters when someone leaves. 

(College AU mavin)

the only roads are cul-de-sacs by edgaristheoneinthehole

In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. 

(Spy AU freewood)

Day by Day by GiveMeYourMilk

Follow up to A Deal’s A Deal, basically slow-build mavinseg.

Sparks by NoNameWriter

All his life, there’d only ever been one main rule: don’t speak to the Humans. Don’t let them see under the green hoods or hear anything beyond the gentle hissing of their kind. Despite never being that great of a Spark, despite his people casting him long glances and silent disapproval, despite being alone in this world after Dan was taken from him, Gavin never meant to break that rule. 

(Minecraft AU mavin)

No Grey by SailorBryant

Ryan is sent to capture the crowned prince of Achevia, and it’s surprisingly easy. The people are fools and their prince is an idiot. The journey back may not be as easy as the capture, but he has to make it back and claim his reward. No matter how attached to the idiot he may become. 

(Fantasy AU freewood)

May Nothing But Death Do Us Part by GeoffsEightGreatestMistakes

Gavin thought that he’d stay happy with Dan forever; they’d live together until they died and have a little family… But secrets spill and he winds up in the palms of Los Santos’ most dangerous gang. 

(GTA AU OT6)

Penny For Your Life? by NoNameWriter

Five times Gavin saved the lives of his crew, and one time they saved his. 

(GTA AU OT6)

Get up strong and muscle on by youmakemesoangry

5 times Ryan picked up his crew, and 1 time he couldn’t. 

(GTA AU freewood)

:) :) I know I see WIPs a lot less on fic rec lists than completed fics so please give these some love if you like them! <3

[blackkristin]

the only roads are cul-de-sacs

description: In which Agent Ryan Haywood gets roped with Gavin Free, a new Agent, and it’s all downhill from there. (Very downhill.)

trackmix for this fic!

words: 1,330 (overall: 21,548)

pairings: freewood, raychael, turnjinx

ao3 mirror

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11 | chapter 12 | chapter 13 | chapter 14 | chapter 15 | chapter 16 | chapter 17 | chapter 18 

the beating of your heart is making me bleed from within

Geoff was ignoring Ryan again. It wasn’t surprising, he tended to do that every few weeks, but it was longer than usual and Ryan was getting worried that he’d lost one of the only friends he had because of something as stupid as a car being set on fire. With no evidence that it was him! Didn’t Geoff know that material objects weren’t as important as friends?

So-- Ryan sought him out. Only as a way to ensure that Geoff wasn’t plotting his death, of course.

It took several hours and promises of owning at least three favours to Ray to find out that Geoff wasn’t even at HQ.

Agents weren’t trapped in HQ, Ryan knew that, but rarely did they -- Ryan included -- leave. Most of them had no family left to speak of -- probably why they were chosen -- and HQ had everything anyone would ever want in life. With HQ’s location so well-known to Agents,, however Ryan had no idea how rival Agencies -- other countries’ Agencies -- had not attacked them. He had no doubt that some Agents were, in fact, spies to another Agency, even if Gavin wasn’t.

But, whatever, that wasn’t his problem. What was, however, his problem was Geoff and how to find him.

He didn’t inform anyone of his location but Caleb, who worked at the control room and could see tapes of when Geoff had left, had told him that Geoff hadn’t left alone.

The only times Geoff left R-GT were to watch films -- but never with just one person -- or to get drunk -- less and less lately with Michael (probably because Ray refused to go and Michael was usually okay with that but was strangely getting clingy as of late and Ryan should really look into that). His companion wasn’t Michael, of course, he had laughed at Ryan as he promised the favours to Ray but, with Michael acting so strange, the drinking option was the safer way to go.

Geoff wouldn’t walk too far for a bar, not wanting to stumble all the way back to HQ but he wouldn't go to the closest bar either. Too many Agents around.

Ryan paused and wondered if he should be concerned at his CO being so predictable but set out to the third closest bar -- but, god, did it even count -- to HQ.

Haldjas’ walls were covered in too much purple fabric and the bartenders wore small wings that looked like the free gifts Ryan had seen in Barbie magazines. It looked like an eight year old’s dream.

Why Geoff liked the place, Ryan would never know. He couldn’t even guess. It looked horrendous to him. Even if he did drink, he wouldn't drink here.

“No, no,” a familiar voice slurred. It wasn’t very loud but Ryan noticed it anyway, as the bar was pretty much fucking desolate. How it was still in business, Ryan had no idea. How it fucking got started, he didn’t know even more.

Geoff was sitting on what Ryan assumed was supposed to be a barstool -- it looked like a very small but tall table with purple tablecloth on it --  listening to his companion as intensely as drunk Geoff always did. Which wasn’t much. He was too busy staring at the painting of what Ryan thought might have been more fucking fairies.

“Ten thousand dollars,” his companion continued speaking, apparently correcting something Geoff had said before Ryan had arrived, “for Ray to fuck you.”

Geoff snorted, not moving his gaze away from the painting -- did that painting just blink. “Ten thousands dollars for Michael to kill me, you mean.”

The other hummed, apparently realising his mistake, “What if he’s okay with it though?”

Geoff seemed to think about that for a while, “I can’t imagine sex where Ray tops being enjoyable--”

Ryan coughed, but the two didn’t seem to hear him, the other cutting Geoff off, “Wait, why?”

“That’d require effort on his part,” Geoff shook his head, “he’d get bored mid-way and start playing with his DS.”

Ryan coughed even louder and Geoff’s friend was the one to turn around and Ryan wasn’t surprised to note it was Gavin. He doubted Geoff knew any other British people from HQ.

“Ryan!” the intoxicated Brit said, perhaps too cheerfully, Ryan was suspicious immediately, “there you are, you dim-- flashlight.”

How drunk was this guy.

“Hello, Gavin,” he said, watching as Geoff’s friend tried to get up but only got tangled on the tablecloth around his chair and plopped down. He needed a glass of water, ASAP.

Geoff turned around, probably trying for dramatic but Ryan ended up just staring at the purple cloth as it seemingly knotted itself, “Ah, the car burner.”

Geoff didn’t seem more drunk than usual, but Ryan wasn’t so certain. He would drink a lot to forget this bar, if he had to come here.

“Ryan!” Gavin repeated, annoyed that Ryan wasn’t paying attention to him, “look at how top this place is!”

Ryan looked around, from the paintings that seemed to be watching him to the signs in comic sans and said, “Yes. Top.”

Gavin beamed, happy that Ryan had agreed with him. Geoff, less drunk than his friend, snorted, having noticed the sarcasm.

Or maybe he was just remembering all the disgust in Ryan’s tone when he’d spoken of the place in the past. (It wasn't just him! Michael hated the place. Though Ray liked it. Ironically.)

“Are you having fun, Gavin?” Ryan found himself asking, to which the intoxicated person in question nodded, though perhaps slower than Ryan would have guessed from his level of inebriation. (Faking? No. Why would he? But--)

“Meg couldn’t come with us,” he informed Ryan. (Ah. Sadness.)

“That’s a shame,” Ryan replied, “I can guess why, though.”

“Oh?” Gavin asked, reaching behind him blindly for his drink and almost making it fall over the edge.

“Ashley came back today,” Ryan had to start watching Geoff to not be caught staring at Gavin’s mouth. That would have been awkward. Getting caught staring at Geoff wasn’t anything new for Ryan.

“Who’s Ashley?” Gavin asked, placing the drink back behind him and Ryan turned towards him again, not wanting to stare at Geoff while having a conversation with someone else. He might sometimes kill for a living but that didn’t mean he was rude.

“Her girlfriend,” Ryan informed him and wasn’t certain if he imagined the calculating glint in Gavin’s eyes or not, It was gone before Ryan could recheck. Ryan knew he was overly paranoid -- Ray and Michael had a habit of telling him so -- but he liked to think he wouldn’t imagine up something like that. Guess he’d just have to keep an even closer eye on his charge-- uh, partner.

Ashley laughed, sitting down on the training room floor with Meg as Ryan stood in front of them, arms crossed. “So, you’re telling me,” she said, sounding even more amused than she looked, “a rookie beat Ryan?”

“In a lot of things,” Meg smiled and Ryan couldn’t even fault her for her giddiness, she’d truly missed her girlfriend a lot and catching her up with the on-goings of R-GT was a long-standing tradition for them, from even before they started dating. Ryan was honored to have been invited to join in, even if Meg did so just to tease him.

Ashley looked at Meg, “Have you met this usurper?”

“Nah, never got the chance.”

Ashley turned towards Ryan, faux-offended, “You didn’t even introduce your new life-partner to your closest friends?”

“First of all, no. Second of all--”

Meg stood up, dusting off her pants and offering a hand to Ashley, pulling her up soon after, “James Ryan Haywood, don’t you even dare insinuate we’re not your best friends!”

Ryan closed his mouth and followed the two girlfriends out of the room, resigned for them to somehow find Gavin in the first two minutes.