𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 illi mcmillin × female reader
𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 illi has to do something about the situation she caused, for she feels like the end is near.
𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 ★ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 they fuck WHO CHEERED cuz i most certainly did : religious guilt : cunnilingus : fingering : p in v : they have lots and lots of feelings for each other hahahaha this is totally not self-indulgent pftttt
𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 ★ 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 behold: the final part of underwear!!! i am so sorry it took me so long to finally do it, everypony; i’ve not been the best for sometime and my academic life is just a mess -_- thankfully i am pretty handy with my numbers otherwise i’d be cooked !!!
either way, she’s ready, crafted with the utmost care <3 xxx
a lil detail you read, not really that much, but i’d like to clarify it! about the religious guilt thing, it’s not necessarily essential to the whole story’s plot, although it is mentioned more often in this last chapter. i don’t exactly know why i did that, but yeah. it’s ok tho it’s ok ok thanks bai everypony
to say that, after your fight, illi was crushed, was an understatement.
she’d always imagined losing you. well, not imagined, exactly— she tried not to let it into her head so much— but she prepared for it, in case it happened.
to be fair, part of her was always on alert in case situations like this were to occur, yet the major part of her brain didn’t care much and focused mainly on your pretty face.
but then it did happen, and it was as if the world crumbled around illi and she fell down to the center of the world and burned alive. perhaps a lighter way to put it was to compare her to alice falling down the rabbit hole, but, to be fair, none about this was light. her world was ending, and that was that.
to say that she was an absolute mess was an understatement. the understatement of all the understatements. she barely cleaned her room, washed her hair, or her clothes (when she bothered to change, that is); overall, she had zero will of living. the only thing that truly kept her going was the rare sightings of you at school, and the short updates about your life frank would sometimes give her.
and, to be fair, you weren't all that different. although your hygiene was considerably better, you went through the motions without paying much attention to it all. no longer did you dwell on the once delectable scent of shea butter, the music you once loved so dearly now just hurt your ears, and your favourite movie hasn't left its box in almost a month. you had taken too long to realize that illi was the center of your universe, it didn't take long for that to happen, and now that she's gone, it collapsed. in a matter of days, illi was involved in pretty much everything you did — the pair of you studied together, went shopping, cooked, the music you listened to was recommended by her; among all the other things in your life.
you'd sometimes catch yourself staring blankly at your bottle of lotion, just thinking of how soft illi's skin would be had she used the lotion. you'd give just about anything to touch it.
often times you felt like an outcast along your new friend group. even though the three girls inside it had finally dropped madison, you were terrified they'd eventually turn out like her. and that feeling of not belonging, that pit in your stomach, reminded you of someone.
you were pretty sure illi had left cheer. you tried to convince yourself that little hitch in your breath was relief, which made zero sense, because when you were relieved, you would sigh. the only downside to it was that you'd have to constantly switch pairs, instead of having an actual pair. well, if you think about it, maybe it wouldn't be so bad — you could make new friends and learn more about the girls in your team, though, despite better judgments, you were sure all of them liked the black-eyed peas or some shit like that, but maybe then you'd finally—
"i'm so sorry, i'm late ms. anderson," a soft, nasal little voice was the reason your train of thought was so abruptly cut off; not the sound of it, per se, but the familiarity that washed over you the moment it hit your ears. your breath hitched, and for once, you were sure it was not relief, but panic.
suddenly standing beside you was illi mcmillin, awkwardly shifting her weight with her hands clasped together in front of her. it was very hard to breathe.
quickly gathering into your respective positions, illi stood in front of your, gingerly holding your side. oh, man, this was gonna be a long class.
as you walked out of the locker room, you felt a tingling sensation creeping up your spine. it kept getting stronger and stronger, until you turned around and your body clashed with illi's. "shit," you muttered, grabbing her wrist as she stumbled back, face flushed a deep shade of red.
"s-sorry," she stuttered, yet made no move to walk away as you let go of her. instead, she finally managed to look you in the eye. now, it was your turn for your stomach to be filled with a team of bumblebees. "it's fine. sorry."
illi shifted her feet, opening her mouth, closing it, and opening again, before, finally, "hi." despite yourself, you smiled. just a little one, but a smile nevertheless. "hi."
"can we—can we talk?" the raven haired girl, taller than you seemed so small. a tiny little bunny holding most of her sanity in her hands, offering it to you.
despite your initial hesitation, you nodded, and she smiled, offering to walk you home so you two can chat along the way. the offer itself was somewhat dangerous—she could say something you'd hate, then you'd leave her walking all by herself and hate her even more. just as she was about to lose all hope yet again, you nervously agreed, asking if she could hold your bag. her heart burst with joy at the simple request, and suddenly, life didn't seem all that bad.
“you know, that bakery near wendy’s, they’ve- uhm, they’ve added this banana pancake to their menu, and it’s really nice,” illi said, adjusting your bag on her shoulder as she kicks a small pebble, looking down as she walked alongside you.
you smiled the tiniest bit. it was nice to see her making an effort to make things a little less strange than they had to be. but to be honest, there was nothing in the world that could make the situation you two were in normal. perhaps it just had to be that way, though: perhaps it was the best way to deal with it.
“my mum loves banana pancakes,” you replied, and just like that, you fell into another awkward silence.
“ so, uh...” illi tried again, placing a stray, slightly greasy strand of hair behind her ear. “m-mikey and pete are, uh, not dating... now.”
despite your internal (and very loud) panic, you somehow managed to process what she'd said, and your eyebrows furrowed the moment you opened your mouth to speak, though, illi was faster, "pete cheated."
"he's with ray now, though," she said, and again, you nodded. it seemed as if nodding was the only thing you managed to do around illi.
since the walk wasn't necessarily long, you two tried your best to make small talk to catch up on the things you'd missed while being away from each other. the thing was, neither of you wanted to talk about how terrible you'd been without one another, so "catching up" lasted about five minutes. then you asked about her friends and, often stuttering, she managed to speak about them for a little while. she was halfway through with the story about how ray and mikey finally started dating when you gently took your bag off of her shoulder and threw it over yours. she watched as you shifted to adjust it, and tried to gather up her stomach the moment it sank when you said, "so, this is me..."
"yeah," you mumbled with a small shrug. the pair of you stood there for a while, occasionally making a tiny little noise. you had to admit you felt a little relieved she wasn't leaving so soon, but she was still leaving. you didn't want her to leave. if you were being honest, you wanted to stitch your bodies together so she'd never have to leave. but that was unethical, so you wouldn't do that.
instead, you gathered up all your courage to do what is was you did best: fuck up and shit yourself with embarrassment.
“uhm, my mum and i baked cookies yesterday. would you - would you like some?” my parents aren't home, you, for reasons unknown, wanted to say. yet you bit your tongue.
illi's hazel eyes glimmered with hope and she nodded with a smile that showed her tiny teeth. you suddenly felt a bubble of glitter trying to make its way out of your mouth, but if you opened it, you'd throw up. so you just smiled back at her and grabbed the house keys from your pocket.
you turned around to close the door and was met with the sight of illi waiting outside, wide eyes trying to peek into your living room. confused, you furrowed your brows. "illi, what's wrong?"
then, it was her turn to look confused. "i'm waiting...? for the cookies?"
you giggled, endeared, "oh, no, come in!"
at that, the raven-haired girl's eyes widened, and it was as if her pupils turned star-shaped. "are you sure?"
despite her hesitation, she took a step closer, and you opened the door further so she could step in.
in the living room table was a generous serving of chocolate chip cookies and two full glasses of water. neither of you had touched anything. you sat beside her on your parents' leather couch with your knees close to your chest. every single nerve in your body was thumping because of how close you two were, and as she continued telling you about the story from earlier, no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't focus.
instead, your stupid, pea-sized brain focused on her shy gaze as it darted to and away from you, the way she talked with the side of her mouth, her bitten cuticles and black nails painted with sharpie as she gestured with her hands, or the flutter of her lashes, the crinkle on the corner of her eyes when she smiled at something particularly funny.
with all your might, you averted your gaze away from her just to be met with a painting of the virgin mary. guilt pooled in your gut incredibly fast, so much that it made you feel lightheaded. you tried so hard to deny and fight your feelings for illi, but nothing seemed to work. every night, you fell asleep wondering why you were like this. you constantly prayed, begged for an answer, but perhaps it was right in front of you, the answer to all your prayers: illi mcmillin, laughing in delight as she treated an ordinary story like a fairytale, basking in her sweetness, with no clue of the gentleness, the beauty she held— those little things, so tender, rested on your bruise like iodine. you just loved her so much, it hurt.
then, like the attentive little lady she was, illi noticed your wandering mind and nudged your knee. you blinked, turning your attention towards her again.
you smiled a bit, shifting your body so it was facing her as well. at the movement, your toes brushed her knee, and the both of you shuddered.
"you always do that," she mumbled, and there was a tilt of something in her voice, though you didn't quite catch what it was.
"do what?" you frowned and, for what seemed to be the millionth time, your stomach sank down to the tips of your toes.
"you always zone out when i'm talking to you."
your cheeks felt like they were on fire. "sorry," you mumbled. illi shook her head with a little upturn of the corner of her mouth, face as red as yours. "it's fine. i... i always nudge you back to earth," you both giggled shyly, and you made a mental note to zone out more often, so she'd touch you.
before another 20-minute-awkward-silence thing could happen again, illi gingerly placed a strand of her behind her ear, finally grabbed a cookie, in between bites, she softly muttered, with all the courage she could muster, “i missed you.”
your breath hitched in your throat and it hit the glitter stuck there. you coughed quietly, covering it up with a, “hm?”
"i thought..." illi began, voice cracking until she cleared her throat. "i thought you hated me. after the fight, when you stopped looking at me at school... i thought i’d lost you for good."
"i could never hate you, illi," you said softly, leaning forward just enough that your shoulder brushed against hers. the contact sent a jolt through you, but when you noticed she didn’t pull away, you didn’t bother. "i was just... scared. felt so overwhelming, and i just… i don’t know. i felt weird.”
she nodded, picking at the chapped skin of her lip with her teeth. her thumb aggressively picked at the sharpie polish on her thumbnail until a tiny flake chipped off onto her knee. she picked it up, squeezed it so it’d break in half.
"weird like..." illi said, but it came out as a squeak, and she winced. "like... you didn't want to talk to me? or…"
"no, no, not like that," you rushed to say, your voice a little too high, a little too loud in the quiet room. you immediately cringed at your own volume and shrank back into the leather cushion, which made an agonizingly loud squeak.
illi jumped slightly at the noise, then looked back down at her hands. "okay."
"it’s just..." you swallowed down some of the glitter that went upwards, fiddling with the little skin on your fingernails. “yeah.”
"i thought about you every day," illi blurted out, and it sounded like the words had been dragged out of her against her will. she squeezed her eyes shut, looking horrified that she’d actually said it out loud. "well—not in a weird way! uh, i don’t really know. i just missed you a lot, and it made my stomach hurt sometimes."
that was the moment you took a good hard look at her and your heart clenched with how small she looked, sitting there with her knees pulled up, her hair slightly greasy, looking like she wanted the floor to open and swallow her whole. she really was a beautiful little bunny.
"my stomach hurt too, sometimes," you admitted softly, and she cautiously peered at you. "really?"
you nodded, "yeah, but maybe i might be mistaking it for food poisoning, 'cause i threw up twice." at that, illi laughed heartily, the sound like music to your ears. you shifted on the couch, leaning a fraction of an inch closer. the leather squeaked again, a bit louder, too, but neither of you cared this time. "i couldn’t really… sleep, too. it was all just so weird without having you around."
illi understood that so much, it resonated in her bones. it was so weird to not have you around her, she was like a flock of seagulls with nowhere to go. they’d just fly around without a specific place in mind.
"i really thought you hated me," she repeated with a slight tilt of sadness to her voice, breaking apart her sharpie polish. "i never thought we'd ever speak again." she tried so desperately not to cry, and yet, a small tear slid down her cheek, making it halfway through before she quickly wiped it away harshly, irritating her soft skin. the sight of it broke your heart into billions of tiny little pieces, and, stupidly, it also paralyzed you. you wanted so badly to just cup her cheek in your hand and wipe her tears away, but you couldn’t even lift a single finger.
eventually, she managed to will her tears away, and sighed, reaching for another cookie. she grabbed one for her, and another for you. you smiled gently, thanking her, before taking a bite.
“wait, you got some chocolate,” illi mumbled as she reached out and wiped the corner of your mouth with her thumb. suddenly, the glitter was coming up, stopping right behind your teeth with the hitch of your breath. the moment illi realized what she’d done, she yanked her hand away as if you were lava. “sorry, sorry,” she whispered. “sorry.” another one, for good measure.
“it’s.. it’s okay,” you replied meekly, trying to calm your racing heart. it was thumping so loudly and so quickly, that you were sure you’d start having a stroke or something. then, as if to make things worse (or better… yeah, probably better), illi’s pinky finger hooked on yours. you were about to lose all control over your bowels.
while you’re internally dealing with whatever turmoil was happening, illi was trying so hard to stop shaking. her right foot was starting to cramp because she was so nervous she kept curling her toes. a bit of sweat was gathering on the back of her neck, and some of it was already dripping down her back. she didn’t know what to do to stop this, all she knew is that it was going to drive her absolutely insane.
slowly, without loosening her grip, illi shifted slightly on the cushion. her thumb slid against the back of your hand, a gentle motion, before her fingers uncurled and slipped through yours. you noted that her hand was incredibly cold and a bit clammy, and the slight sweat in her palm was mixing with yours. she was shaking even harder.
probably for the first time that day, she turned to look you in the eye, and gosh, it was like a punch to the gut— her wide, light, big eyes stared directly into yours, then to your nose, your mouth, and back up. then they slid down to your mouth again, and stayed there. at first, you had no clue what made the leather couch creak so loudly, but it didn’t take long for you to realize that it was because illi was inches away from you.
"i never noticed," she gently pressed her finger against your cheek. "what?" you whispered, staring at her with eyes so wide they were almost popping out. "you have a little beauty mark here."
then, as if illi’s brain had suddenly melted and dripped down her ears, she leaned over and placed the lightest kiss to the spot. your face turned so red, oh, so red, you felt literal smoke coming out of your ears.
"sorry," she whispered, pulling back, but still dangerously close to you. her warm breath hit your cheek, but you could only faintly feel it, for you were so flustered, your body felt numb.
"illi," you breathed, grasping her wrist. at the same time you looked down at her mouth, she looked at yours. there she was: the girl you fought against for so hard, her lips barely an inch away from yours, barely an inch. you placed your free hand on the back of her neck (smiling at the feel of the sweat that had gathered there) and pulled her close.
and, as simple as that, you had finally kissed illi mcmillin. the glitter that had bubbled up on your throat for so long was finally coming out as your lips moved desperately against hers. some of it was oozing out of your mouth with every movement, and sliding inside of hers, and onto her soul.
you slowly let go of illi’s hands to gently cradle the back of her head, pulling her deeper into the kiss. you could tell she’d never done this before; it was perfectly obvious with each hesitant swipe of her tongue against your bottom lip— as if she didn’t know whether she was allowed entrance or not. you spread your legs so she could crawl between them, and illi was eager to do so. you were pretty sure that, were she a dog, her tail would be wagging erratically. you didn’t know which comparison was most accurate: a dog, or a bunny.
you pulled away and illi whined at the loss of contact, “wha-mmm?”
you smiled, gently running your thumb across her cheek. you were certain she could feel the rapid thumping of your pulse beneath your fingertips as she leaned deeper into your touch. “you’re so pretty,” you whispered before pulling her into another kiss, and this time, both of you knew you didn’t want to pull away.
the moment you parted your mouth the tiniest bit, illi, with a sudden burst of confidence, slid her tongue inside your mouth and her hands under your shirt. she gracelessly fumbled for your bra clasp, and when she found it, unclasped the undergarment with surprising skill. she slid it down just enough to expose your skin and cupped your left tit. with her free hand, she tugged on your shirt, as if asking for help, and you took it off so quickly, the fabric probably ripped.
illi took in the sight in front of her with her heart in her throat. you were leaned back against the sofa cushions, skin flushed down to your chest, which was rapidly rising and falling. she leaned in to kiss you again, teasingly making her way down your neck, reaching the crevice between your breasts. she pulled away the tiniest bit, breath fanning over your burning skin, before she placed a light kiss on it, gradually making her way down, down, down, until she reached the space between your legs. she quickly ripped your shorts off you, and you squirmed in anticipation.
“baby,” you ran your fingers through her hair, parting your legs even further to make way. the musky scent emanating from your core was suffocating the raven haired girl, and yet, she filled her lungs to their full capacity with it. illi buried her face between your thighs, licking a stripe up to your clothed flit. the friction of her tongue through the thin fabric of your underwear would be the death of you.
“illi, fuck,” you whined, sliding your panties down your hips. she did the rest of the work for you, sliding it down to your knees. illi went all in— lapping desperately on your juices, moaning whenever her nose would brush against your clit or stay buried in your pubic mound, inhaling what she was sure should be considered the most intoxicatingly sweet scent, as it wafted through your wild, soft patch of curls.
your hips bucked eagerly against illi’s mouth when she slid her tongue inside of you and, with both hands, squeezed your thighs; and when she finally slid a single digit inside you, your vision turned white. you could feel everything— from the slight brush of her thumb against your swollen nub, to the featherlight nudge the tip of her finger gave your cervix, which soon became two nudges.
illi could cum with nothing but the feel of her fingers inside you. she paid close attention to every twitch of your core, and her fingers twitched against your gummy walls with every tightening of your muscles. “so tight,” she purred, pressing a light kiss to your swollen clit, sucking on it as she curled her fingers further inside you, pressing them against a spongy spot. she smirked, smug, when she felt your walls clench even more tightly.
“oh, illi— fuck, oh, my god,” you blurted out, bending your knees just slightly, and somehow managing to slide her skirt off with your toes (you were impressed with yourself). the moment your eyes landed on the bulge imprinted on her panties, which were stained with her pre-cum, your mouth opened in a silent ‘o’, and your legs shook with the force of your orgasm. “illi,” you moaned, embarrassingly, arching your back to meet her touch when she pulled away, towering over you, on her knees.
illi looked deep into your eyes as she clumsily pushed her panties to the side, finally freeing her hard cock from its confines. you could— and probably was— drooling at the sight of it: so hard it looked like it hurt. you propped yourself up on your elbows and lifted up a bit, reaching out to touch her. you bit your lip to stifle a quiet giggle when she winced under your touch.
“wanna be inside ya, please,” she whimpered, gently pushing you down by the shoulders. she pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, and you muttered in between pecks, “let me see you,” as you tugged on her shirt. “please, illi?”
the girl above you hesitated. she was very, very self conscious, but even though she wasn’t very keen on the idea of being so vulnerable and exposed to you, she saw the pleading in your wide, shiny eyes, and was overcome with the need to please you. so, with just a little tiny bit of reluctance, she threw her smashing pumpkins tee on the floor, and, god, she was so beautiful. in fact, there were no words that could possibly describe how perfect she was.
you pulled her close to you, wrapping your arms around her waist and tenderly carressing her back. “‘s it in?” you moaned quietly, “are you in?”
hadn’t illi furrowed her eyebrows, you wouldn’t have noticed her confused expression because of the haze of lust inside her eyes. “w-what ‘bout condoms?”
“birth control,” you replied in a whisper that turned into a moan halfway through. your words were rushed because of how anxious you were. “jus’ put it in, please, illi. need you right now.”
illi groaned at your words. she was about to fucking burst with nerves, and her brain wasn’t processing everything that was going on. she was so turned on she couldn’t even think right. she’d never seen that happen before.
moaning as quietly as she possibly could, illi held your hips tightly and slid only the tip of her cock inside you. she gasped, brows furrowing, eyes rolling to the back of her head when she felt your muscles tighten around her. “fuck,” she sighed, struggling to keep herself upright as she struggled to slide further into you.
she rested inside you, and, without having even moved yet, was already a fucking mess. she was so scared she’d cum quick, she didn’t want to move, but you just felt so good, and she couldn’t think about how incredible it’d feel to move inside you without drooling.
you rolled your hips to demonstrate your frustration, “why aren’t you moving?”
“i will, sorry,” she replied, and, true to her word, placed a gentle hand on your waist as the other stayed rested on your hip, before slowly moving her hips.
it was heaven. illi’s cock fit almost right inside you, just stretching you a little. it was the tiniest bit above average and it was girthy. you wanted it inside you all the time. you wanted to suck it dry. you wanted to hump on it. you wanted a dildo shaped exactly like it so you’d use that whenever she wasn’t available.
“you’re so good,” illi whined, quickening her pace. she was more rutting against you like a dog than actually thrusting, but it felt so good, and she was hitting that spongy spot inside of you so hard, you were a blabbering mess before the first minute she was in.
“fuck, illi, kiss me,” you cupped her face in your hands and pulled her in, but she seemed to have aimed wrong because she kissed your chin. you let out a little squeak before leaning down to meet her lips. it wasn’t really a kiss, because you two were just sloppily trying to swallow each other whole. and then she rubbed your clit with her thumb, and you moaned loudly, arching your back and pulling at her hair, “fuck, ‘m gonna cum, illi, don’t stop. gonna make me cum.”
“oh, baby,” she mewled, shifting her hips so she can hit an even deeper spot in you, actually trying to thrust correctly. she hadn’t even noticed she was crying, but she could feel tears starting to pour down her cheeks. “oh, fuck, love you so much, ‘m so close, baby-“
love you so much. the words you’d longed to hear coming out of her mouth for so long were finally there, but you were so lost in the moment that you just mewled and pawed at her love handles in response.
you loved illi with all your heart and soul. there was absolutely nothing that could match the magnitude of your love for her because it traveled through the whole galaxy. maybe even that was not enough. but you stared at her parted lips with your heart beating wildly inside your chest and you felt at peace. maybe that was exactly what you needed. peace, and illi mcmillin burying herself inside you over and over.
you grabbed her again, wrapping your arms tightly around her, so she couldn’t get up. as if for good measure, you pressed your heels against her ass, making sure she didn’t go away.
“oh, god, fuck, i’m gonna cum,” she sobbed against your ear. “i’m gonna cum inside you now, okay? okay, gonna cum.”
“yes, illi, come inside me,” you bury your hand in her sweaty hair, tugging harshly as you finally felt the tight rope in your abdomen snap. you came so hard, you were sure you were gonna pass out.
“fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuck—“ she thrust inside you a few more times before stopping abruptly, finally filling you up to the brim with her love.
with a soft moan, illi shifted so you laid against her side without her having to pull out. you managed to make your legs stop shaking and pressed a tender kiss to her head.
“illi?” you whispered, still twirling her hair around. she hummed lazily in response, cracking one eye open to look at you.
“‘m sorry i didn’t say ‘i love you’ earlier, i was, like, super nervous. but i love you, too. so… yeah.”
the girl under you smiled widely. “well, i made you cum, so that must mean something.”
“oh, fuck off.” you smiled, kicking her knee gently.
slowly, you turned your head towards the painting of the virgin mary, the same one you’d looked at with guilt not even an hour ago. but you didn’t feel guilty then. you thought about it, and you realized that the guilt that had been eating you alive was meaningless because that was what god taught, right? god was love. illi was love.
you thought that maybe you’d follow her steps and not believe anymore. because, really, what god would have wanted you to suffer for such a pretty girl?
perhaps you’d have to create a little altar for illi mcmillin by your bedside table.