I’ve noticed a pattern between trans men and women when it comes to handling sex segregated spaces, especially those such as restrooms, saunas and bath houses, pools, locker rooms, etc. and I just wanna write this out while I’m high enough to do this so hop on this ride and buckle the fuck up.
So I’m passing pretty much 100% as a man at this point (been on hormones for almost 2 years + being out since a young teen), and yet there’s still that anxiety when using the restroom/locker room/sauna/whatever. I know I look like a man now and that i pass, people see me as one, etc., but I feel like since I’m still a female, I should continue using female spaces for my own safety. The dilemma is that any women in the place might, completely understandably, lose their shit if this passing trans dude just walks in and I’d have to try my best to explain that I’m a female as well and I’m just transgender and hope it doesn’t escalate past that, and it pretty much never does escalates after that. It’s an embarrassing thing to have happen sometimes, but it never escalates to anything past the misunderstanding and weird looks. Now on the other hand, since I’m 100% passing, I should maybe consider that it’s time to use the men’s spaces. I also know good god damn well how violent men are and if I were to use a sauna or locker room in a male space and out myself by having an exposed female body, there’s a 99.99999…∞% chance this just won’t end well. I could be sexually assaulted and beaten up, then have to deal with slurs and insults on top of that cake.
So because of male violence, trans men tend to advocate more for gender neutral spaces. Most trans men are more in favor of gender-neutral places because deep down, whether some trans men acknowledge it or not, we know that using male spaces won’t end well in the least bit if we’re outed because of male violence. I have yet to really see the majority of trans men demand that we be allowed into male spaces simply because we identify and pass as one. Using a female space as a trans guy mostly just causes confusion and inconvenience. By having gender neutral spaces (especially restrooms), we can just alleviate a good majority of these problems and fears when it comes to which restroom and other sex segregated areas we should use and what could happen to us if we use male spaces and get outed.
Now I’ve noticed a different trend with some trans women. Yes, most of them have that same fear we do when it comes to sex-segregated areas. If they use female spaces, they could be yelled at and have the same experience, and if they use the male spaces then, of course, that won’t end well either. However, they take a different approach to it. They just demand access to female spaces and that’s the end of the story. If women say, “no, we don’t think it’s fair that male-bodied people get access to our spaces because it’s for OUR safety. We understand you’re trans, but you don’t have the same sex as we do and due to the history of male violence we don’t want any in our spaces,” then they’re told to get over it and called a TERF or whatever. The majority of trans women advocate for gaining full access to female spaces instead of advocating for gender-neutral ones and take the oppression of females as a joke when they demand to be let into female spaces. They say that they want to be able to use female spaces and not gender neutral ones because, “it makes us feel more comfortable with our gender identity and we want to be able to use the same space as my gender identity.” Some of them don’t even try and pass well before they start demanding to use female spaces, and don’t get me started on that trans woman who used a women’s locker room and basically flashed those women in there because, “if cis women can be naked in here then I should be able to show my body too,” completely mindless and thought that shit was actually acceptable to do. Now I know people like that don’t represent all trans women, but they rarely ever think about our female oppression and how a male being in a female space and deciding that because they’re transgender that they’re entitled to just ignore how females feel, including trans-identified females, and how this can impact us.
This shit really needs to stop and we need to start calling for gender neutral spaces instead of trying to demand spaces where we just don’t belong. These places are sex segregated for a reason and no matter how we identify, we really need to stay in our lanes. Trans identified females fear for our lives and safety using male spaces and getting outed as a female, therefore we tend to stay in female spaces until more gender neutral ones are available because we know that other females are extremely less likely to physically harm and sexually assault us for being trans identified, even if we’re completely passing as a man and so long as we’re of the female sex. Trans identified males need to start realizing that women aren’t excluding them from female spaces because they just woke up and felt like hating trans people and men, it’s because of the oppression and violence that comes from males no matter how they identify and we need our own spaces.
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