Steve “watch your fucking language” Rogers...
The thing is… I think Steve actually would get on people’s cases about their language, but not about cursing in general. Instead, I think Steve would be insistent on what kind of insults were okay, and the second you used one that wasn’t, he’d be so unimpressed with you and just sort of pop out of nowhere like…
“-used to be such a man-whore-”
“Whoa! We do not shame sex-workers or sexual lifestyles in this tower, thank you!”
“Oh, uh, sorry, Steve.”
“God, I know right? I’ve never met a bigger bitch-”
“That’s a misogynistic and dehumanizing insult to use and we need to be better as a society than to make negative associations to being female or feminine.”
“…Right. You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“That bastard!”
“While they are a horrible person, making comments that imply someone born to unmarried biological parents is a bad thing is unacceptable.”
“…weren’t you working out with Thor three floors down?”
“Son of a bitch!”
“I’ve already talked at length about the misogynistic nature of comparing people to female dogs, but surely there’s a better way to insult someone than to bring up and insult their mother. Bringing familiar relations into it is just cruel; insult the person, not their parent.”
“WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN COME FROM?”
“Motherfucker!”
“…”
“Rogers, your Captain America glare doesn’t work on me.”
“…”
“Goddamnit, Rogers.”
So it somehow comes to be that, while “fuck” is a regularly used word, Steve unintentionally manages to train the entire Avengers team and quite a bit of SHIELD into using completely non-problematic insults. Superhero-supervillain trash-talk has become endlessly entertaining; there are twitter accounts dedicated to immortalizing every word of this.
Clint Barton is regularly heard calling people “goobers”. Tony Stark loses his temper at a press conference and refers to Justin Hammer as a “fucking douchenerd”. A guard at an enemy base swears he heard the Black Widow say “crapwaffles” while trying to hack into their systems. The confused and furious rant that happens when Loki is first called a “dweeb” to his face goes viral on Youtube.
This is the Steve “Language!” Rogers that I want.