black studyblr.

Black student focusing on post-bac studies. This is a biology, chemistry, and pre-dental studyblr. Welcome!

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Being alone may scare you, but staying in a bad relationship will damage you.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[blackstudyblr]

- three therapy appointments

- a new place, a two bedroom apartment

[blackstudyblr]

i feel like absolute shit tonight and i’m trying to figure out why.

my therapist says its important to write down my feelings so here it all fucking goes...

i feel like shit because we BROKE UP. because i’m not your partner anymore. i feel like shit because i saw all of your favorite foods at hannafords, and i wanted to get them for you. 

but why? why does my mind only think of the good parts of you? why can’t I remember now how unhappy I was when I was there with you? 

I was so UNHAPPY. it was a small, cramped apartment full of just your things. 

I never had the physical space to just be me. and we were fighting, the love was lost. I lost attraction to you. I couldn’t feel love for you. I was started to resent you. I DID resent you.

I know it - I felt it. it was coming and I didn’t want you near me. I didn’t want you touching me. I remember feeling so unhappy on our trip to hannaford, and you had to park to take that phone call with the girl with the pretty voice. I remember sitting there and not caring if there was something there, I remember almost wishing there was something there so we could end our relationship.

i remember knowing you fucking stingy you were, how you never let me touch or change any of your things. how fucking stubborn you were. I wanted to change everything - throw out things, change the couch. fix up the apartment and make it prettier - you would NEVER let me do that. 

i don’t miss feeling this shitty and unhappy with you. i don’t miss just sitting there watching you be so comfortable in your space and wishing you were staying in my comfortable space, where i made up the rules and it wasn’t vice versa.

i hated it so much. i hated just sitting on the couch and feeling this and knowing you were so comfortable clicking away at your computer (another thing i couldn’t use) i remember feelings so bored and so unhappy and knowing i didn’t want to cuddle kiss have sex or even touch you.

i didn’t want anything to do with you. i didn’t want to feel like that anymore. i didn’t want to fucking pretend we were happy - we weren’t. i wasn’t even attracted to you anymore.

so why am i forgetting all of this shit? i felt stuck. there was something in me that knew and was preparing for when it was our last day. 

i hate that so many things are ‘ruined’ for me. tacos, buffalo cheeze itz... but i know i can remember back to how you felt during our first break: you didn’t give a fuck. you literally cared less than i did. that’s my goal. 

[blackstudyblr]

reminder to not let anything or anyone come between your studies, and that it’s important to take care of yourself, too. remember to read, to write poetry, and do the things you love.

[scholaring]

romantic student things

meeting up in the library in the morning and idly chattering while planning the day

sitting together in silence while working but still touching elbows or knees and feeling the comfort of each other’s presence

comparing schedules to see when you can spend time together

helping each other understand an academic concept and then smiling and giggling because wow your s/o is so cute and smart and you are so proud of them

drinking way too much coffee and/or tea together

planning a date and then saying, “screw it, we are tired and i’d rather watch a movie and cuddle at your dorm”

being frustrated when life is busy but ecstatic once you get to spend time with them

chilling at campus cafes in between classes

finding time to spend even 20 minutes with each other because you miss them and want to catch up

feeling proud of them when they do well on a test

comforting them when they do poorly on a test

whining about school, then making out and feeling better

[angelitacamilastudies]

Biophysics is the next one

[studyhards]

i am guilty of doing something not on my to-do list and then putting it on my to-do list after i finish it just so i can check it off of

[blackstudyblr]

this actually ends up motivating you, so kudos to you.

[blackstudyblr]

studyblr rant

the more i learn about ochem, the more I realize how.. non-linear my learning in university was. organic chemistry should be taught first, before solving chemical equations in chemistry 1 or solving more complex problems in Chem 2.

this stuff is essential to learn chemistry. what I’m learning so far is pretty basic stuff... yet it is just crucial to actually understanding chemistry. I’m not sure how I went on without actually understanding the concepts I’m learning now.

Organic chemistry should be taught before chemistry 2, at the very least. How do you go about solving problems (like, enthalpy, for example) in chem 2 without having an understand of what the actual molecules are? their structure, their shape? how they orient themselves depending on what they’re bonded to or their environments? how can anyone successfully answer questions about molecules they don’t really understand?

I think it would have been way more beneficial to me, if I got the basic stuff down first. organic chemistry is the basic stuff. the basic, extremely essential stuff.

/rant over

[acciodemic]

28.12.17

organic chem notes ! mocks are in 11 days i’m not ready uh oh

[blackstudyblr]

happy new year! 

spent the weekend on chapter 3 of my book. I just finished tonight and will be taking the quiz shortly. it’s open book, open notes, but I really want to make sure i’m able to answer the questions with as little help from the text as possible.

my learning:

had fun making structures with my kit, the above is a structure of a cyclohexane. the red is actually still carbon, I wanted to make the distinction between equatorial and axial positions. during ring flips, the axial bonds become equatorial and vice versa.

the cyclohexane rapidly flips between these two stable conformers, however, there is a difference in stability, especially if there is a substituent. 

as a general rule, a substituent is more stable in an equatorial position than it is axial in a cyclohexane, so as to prevent steric strain. 

cis and trans isomers: cis is the word used to describe when a cyclohexane’s substituents face the same side/are on the same position, trans refers to when a cyclohexane’s substituents are on simply different sides/positions.

the conformer whose substituents are on different positions is the most stable (again, to prevent steric strain). usually, a trans isomer is more stable than a cis.

[blackstudyblr]

currently learning about the solubility of organic compounds in water.

if I can take anything from this portion of the chapter, it will be: “like dissolves like” non-polar dissolves non-polar, and polar dissolves polar.

it’s extremely important for a drug to be able to penetrate either the polar/hydrophilic head of the phospholipid bilayer or the non-polar/hydrophobic tail (middle) of the bilayer.

--

above is a picture of what could possibly occur when an amine is in water. low-molecular-weight amines are soluble in water because these amines can form hydrogen bonds. pictured above is a primary amine, which is the class of most-soluble amine because of two free hydrogens to donate for hydrogen bonding, as well as a lone pair.  the lone pair from the nitrogen will be used for the negative electrostatic force, and the hydrogens will be used for the positive.

[studyblr]

you can do this. stop sabotaging yourself and your dreams. there will be risks, there will be stress, but go on and actually pursue what you want to do. you will not regret having tried, all things considered. self-doubt can destroy so much of your life. don’t let it, please. 

[blackstudyblr]

your time is going to be used anyway.

either by you lounging around and wasting time on social media.

or by you sulking around and comparing yourself to others, feeling bad for yourself

or by you going through hours of netflix, or hulu, complaining of boredom.

or by you actually sitting down and doing your work.

your time is going to be wasted either way. but only one of these things will produce a better outcome for yourself. only one of these things is fruitful. only one of these things will turn you into a better version of you.

only one of these will get you better test scores. only one of these will improve your studying habits. only one of these will improve your retention. only one of these will get you that much closer to your goals.

so remember this, next time, when you find yourself with some free time and with “nothing to do”.

you’ve got loads to do. do it.

[blackstudyblr]

trying to be more creative with my notes. it's kind of mind-numbing if all I use is black ink. I'm on week three right now. even if it's a self paced course I'm not where I'd like to be, but in a few more weeks I'll be able to catch up. 😇 I am falling more and more in love with chemistry. it's so.. understandable. going to start my first ochem lab tomorrow. hopefully I'll be fully prepared before I start. also I've noticed that while my handwriting has tremendously improved, my notes are still messy (so many stains and cross outs) non-related to chemistry: ordered a super cute agenda off Amazon and I can't wait to get it!! also I get to take a nice office chair home today so I *might* be able to do some work at home.

[steviestudying-deactivated20180]

Shout-out to people studying with a mental illness.

You’re doing this with half your brain tied behind your back and that’s pretty badass

[blackstudyblr]

something I need to work on is that I rely on the fact that there are students, friends, peers, studying around me to help motivate me to continue.

if there isn’t anyone else around me studying, I find it extremely hard to study. something about the shared effort and community it brings really helps me.

so I’m struggling with that. hopefully one day I’ll learn to just be okay with studying on my own.

[blackstudyblr]

study. every. single. day.