I am not the gentile girl they wanted me to be

Blake Holmgren || 19 || I am everything they feared in a girl.

[blakesbliss-blog]

(aceoflilies:)

Part of Lily, a rather large part, wanted to throw something at Blake when she started to brush away the shattered glass. What bother? What was the point? What, was she going to add some small cuts to her bum leg? Fall and reopen her stomach for the nth time? Why was she still here? But there was nothing to throw. What was she going to swipe at Blake again with her crutch? End up a crumpled mess on the floor again? Lily settled for whacking the crutch against the cabinet making the furniture rattle, denting the soft wood of the crutch. Eyes burning.

Blake winced as she swept up the glass, brows drawing together when the cabinet rattled with Lily’s hit. She chewed on her lip while she finished sweeping up the glass, depositing it in the bin. Without a word, Blake replaced the broom where it’d been, not wanting to provoke any more anger from Lily. She returned to her spot on the floor, once again picking up the chair leg. 

[blakesbliss-blog]

(aceoflilies):

Lily shoved herself disgustedly away from the desk. Nothing fucking worked. Her good arm groped at the homemade crutch, with it she limped over to the cabinet. She threw the door open with her cast, teeth grit as the impact jarred her injury. She should get some drugs. Some of her old connections still had to be alive. Until then. Lily grabbed the bottle of moonshine from the cabinet; this would have to do. She leaded against the cabinet and downed the rest of the bottle, barely feeling the burn. She snarled at it when is was empty, hand squeezing the neck of the jug. Useless. Her neck burned cold; empty. She threw the bottle on the ground at watched it shatter with little satisfaction. Her good and moved her clutch at the crutch, wood digging at the skin, threatening to splinter. Fuck it. Fuck all of it.

Blake stared for a moment in worry before casting her eyes downwards again and continuing to work. She glanced up on occasion at Lily - she liked the woman, and in a way was indebted to her (whether or not Lily liked it) but she worried about her and was most definitely afraid of the woman’s explosive anger. The smash caught Blake off guard, but she was reserved enough to contain a cry of surprise that would’ve accompanied the chair leg clattering to the floor. God, she wanted to get out of here. But everywhere she went was more or less going to be the same - James couldn’t talk.. couldn’t understand her. Lyden was probably busy or busy thinking or busy working. After sitting for a moment to calm her startled heart, Blake stood from the floor and retrieved the broom. 

[blakesbliss-blog]

( stubbornxenigma:)

“Yeah well..” Charley smirked at Blake. “We might be at the bottom…but they have got a lot further to fall when they land on their fuckin’ asses.” It was true. “Well is that a polite ‘fine’, or one that genuinely means what the word suggests?” The brunette cocked a brow. “It’s cool though..just know I aint got a problem in trying to get you some–so if you change your mind, just say so whenever okay?”

“Very true,” Blake nodded, smirking just slightly. Oh, how she’d love to see them fall on their asses. “Genuinely what the word suggests. I promised James I wouldn’t really leave the house much, so I’m not gonna need them all that much.” She raised her eyebrows at Charley, “Okay, if I change my mind you’ll be the first to know.”

[blakesbliss-blog]

( twistedxnightmares: )

Maddie was relieved Blake hadn’t took offense by it and she couldn’t hide the bright smile. “Thank you though, Blake. I mean..some around here aren’t really that easy to get along with.”

“Yes, well, you caught me on a good day. You know me now, though, so I’ll do my best not to snap at you in the future,” She joked only slightly.

[blakesbliss-blog]

aceoflilies:

The half carved piece of wood tumbled from Lily’s clumsy, casted hand. A wave of rage rolled through her and her left hand had stabbed the offending piece of wood with a dagger before her mind even had the chance to register taking the weapon out. She couldn’t work like this. 

Blake had been sitting quietly in the corner, sanding a chair leg like Lily had showed her how. When she heard the clatter followed by a thud, she glanced up, remaining silent because she honestly didn’t know what to say to the woman. 

[blakesbliss-blog]

stubbornxenigma:

Charley watched her as she manoeuvred herself into a different position and smiled. “Yeah but come on…you aint telling me if one of the soldiers or guards sprained their fuckin’ ankle, that they wouldn’t get a pair of crutches.”  She shook her head and looked down at the injured ankle. “Tell you what…if you feel like it aint gonna get better for a while, in a day or so…let me know and I will get you a pair…” Charley made it sound easy, but knew it wouldn’t be–she did know though, if it was at all possible, she would have a pair of crutches for her in the next three days.

“Yeah well, measly little scavengers like myself are on the bottom of the list,” Blake smiled. She really didn’t mind - it wasn’t like she was able to do her job this way or anything. “Oh no, it’s fine.” Blake waved her hand. She knew it’d be another two weeks at least before her ankle was recovered, but she didn’t want to put Charley in that position. 

[blakesbliss-blog]

aceoflilies:

Again. It was the god damn leg. It was useless. Lily would crawl out of this place back to the rubble if she had to. If she didn’t run into another delaying doctor or nurse. Again. Blood seeped from her midriff again; an annoyance. Nothing more. She had to get out. She had to—avoid getting rushed by a loud blonde blur. Blake. It was Blake not the punch-able doctor.

Blake. BlakeBlakeBlakeBlakeBlake. Blake.

Lily pulled herself back to a standing position with the bed. Blake was getting a doctor. Why was Blake getting her a doctor? That was what she was trying to avoid. Lily felt her chest tightening and bile bubbled up in her throat. She swallowed it down. Blood wasn’t important. Breathing wasn’t important. Her vision narrowed and she grabbed at Blake. She couldn’t draw attention. She couldn’t.

Blake was caught by surprise when Lily grabbed her, and she reached out reflexively to try to help the woman stay on her feet. “Is that your way of saying no doctors?” Blake asked in a hushed voice, glancing at the slightly open door to check if Lyden had stopped. “They said you were missing - I’m glad you’re alive.” She choked out before moving to look at the blood stain on Lily’s gown. “You need to get those stitched up, Lily.” 

[blakesbliss-blog]

twistedxnightmares:

“Sorry…I mean..I didn’t mean any offense by it…Like, I say things sometimes because there are no real words to find that would be the right ones…that’s all I meant.” She gave her a warm smile. “Yeah , what doesn’t kill u smakes us stronger, right?” She thought for a moment. “That quote sucks ass…” Maddie let a small chuckle leave her lips.

“It does suck, but it’s true, at least.” Blake laughed, clearly not having taken offense by Maddie’s words. 

[blakesbliss-blog]

twistedxnightmares:

“It’s not your fault, Blake.”  Maddie smiled warmly at her. “I mean..I know that’s what people say to someone when they hear of something bad, but yeah..it’s just the people who made the base go down…it’s their fault.” Hearing Blake mention her parents, Maddie looked on sympathetically. “I’m sorry..I guess we all have our heartaches, huh.”

“I’m not just saying it because it’s what people say,” Blake frowned a little, rubbing at her arm, “I mean it.” She smiled sadly at the other girl, “Yeah. But they make us stronger.” She laughed unconvincingly.

[blakesbliss-blog]

aceoflilies:

Groggy. Like a night after too much drinking but worse. A groan escaped from in between her lips. Okay. Much worse. Lily’s eyes flickered open to a blur. She shifted and her teeth sliced through her lip as she held in a scream. Copper filled her parched mouth as fire ripped up her arm from her wrist. Lily lolled her head to the side, fighting the urge to gag through the blood as her eyes gave her a fuzzy vision of her arm encased in plaster.

Hospital.

Lily shot up in bed, ignoring the wave of nausea that came with the sudden movement.  Her world was spinning. What. These weren’t her clothes. Where were her things? A bruised hand shot up to her bare neck. No. 

Screams. Shooting. Weakening wails of pain.

Lily pulled herself out of the bed. That might have been a mistake. A shot of electricity blast up her strangely heavy leg. More plaster. Lily grit her teeth and ignored it. Later. She had more important things to deal with now. Her good hand snatched at the plastic bag near her bed. ‘JANE DOE’ She ripped it open, tearing the label to bits in the process. It was a mess. Her leather jacket was dusty and ripped, half her tools were missing from her belt, along with her clothes. What? Daggers missing. What had—her head throbbed. She clutched at a sheath pulling out her father’s knife. Good. But where—? The world tilted again and Lily went crashing to the ground. She could not silence the cry the bubbled up from her raw throat, blood started to seep through her hospital gown. Echo’s off a building collapsing rippling through her mind.

Lily hugged her abdomen as the sharp pain shook through her, her warm blood staining her arm.  

Dark. Pressing.  Air thick with dust, rubbing down her throat, her lungs.  She couldn’t move. Pinned.

Her vision wavered as it did then. She couldn’t surrender to the darkness. Not again. She had to find it. It had to be somewhere.

Flickers of light. Shouting. There was a shift and she could breath. A cry of pain roared through her as she was dragged. Grass, concrete, splintered wood. Darkness.  

Lily struggled, trying to get her tagged legs to listen, to stand from the red beneath her.  Dizziness buzzed in her head making the world ripple. It didn’t matter. It was still down there. She had to get it. Find it.

Seeing James alive had made Blake feel that much more relieved, but some part of her was worse-off not knowing what was up with him. Something was wrong, but she wasn’t sure what it was. It was obvious he wasn’t pranking her. She’d listened to Lyden, though, and satisfied that he was alive and safe, she’d headed out. But when she caught sight of Lily through an open door with blood seeping through her gown, Blake broke off from him and darted into the room. 

“Lily? Lily, are you okay? Hey, be careful, I think you ripped some stitches,” She knelt down Lily’s side, thinking better of touching her. She was glad she was alright, but at the same time she was worried about her - the woman looked in pretty damn rough shape. “I need to find you a doctor,” She hummed worriedly, moving to get off the floor.

[blakesbliss-blog]

soleilbordeaux:

“Where?” Soleil blurts out before she can stop herself. “Where are you going to go right now? Everything is insane. Just… come inside. I’m cooking soup.” She says calmly. “Look… I don’t… – you’re my friend.” She finishes sort of lamely. “And I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

Blake shifted nervously, clearly uncomfortable, “I..” She knew she shouldn’t. She needed to find Lyden and James. She needed to get to a safe place. “As much as I appreciate the offer, Soleil, I need to find Lyden. And I need to talk to James.” She couldn’t sit inside Soleil’s eating soup and not knowing where they are. “You’re my friend too, and it’s nothing against you, I promise.”

[blakesbliss-blog]

aceoflilies:

lydensage:

Lyden widened his eyes, “that’s nearly an understatement.” No, that comment wouldn’t make Blake feel better, but she wasn’t under the impression that her brother was something he wasn’t. He was shocked seeing James was still alive, but less so when he heard it was thanks to Blake. He tipped the bottle towards Lily in acknowledgement while addressing Blake’s concerns. “I know you’re worried, but right now? We’re the ones in more danger than him. With the disgusting looks Flap Jaw gives your brother, he’s not going to simply be left alone. It’s better than nothing.” Taking a drink off the bottle of wine, he handed it over to Blake. She needed to de-stress more than he did.

Lily drained the rest of her glass down. With that done her mind sifted to the next issue: work. She was behind what with the day going to hell.  It too late to go and do errands at this point. If she went to the black smith now she knew he wouldn’t even open his door. Her fingers drummed once against the table as she thought to herself.

Blake didn’t say anything for a minute, just rubbed her face over her hand in clear aggravation. “I know Grant can take care of him, but you know as well as me how James is gonna be if he doesn’t hear from me.” Which was downright lost. She could only imagine how panicked he was. Taking the bottle from him, she mumbled a thank you before drinking from it. 

[blakesbliss-blog]

It had been Lyden’s idea to dig out the radio - everyone had one, so they knew that Lily had to have had once somewhere in the store. When they’d found it, they’d retreated back upstairs to put another set of locked doors between them and the outside, turning the radio on a low volume. Blake had forced herself to sit, arms curled around her legs, against the wall and listen with her chin on her knees. But when the explosion had shaken the building and the radio had begun talking about it, she’d begun to shake. She sort of envied Lyden for his ease of not having any siblings out there to worry about - especially not ones that would very well be within that dining hall when it’d exploded. “...missing persons... James Holmgren...” Blake’s head shot up from her knees, staring at the radio as her mind moved a mile a minute, trying to figure out what to do. That meant he’d been in the building. James was in the building - and he was missing. “No!” Blake heard her voice rip from her throat without having consciously spoken, rising to her feet and heading for the door without even thinking of the consequences of her actions.

[blakesbliss-blog]

riddledjustice:

Spinning Blake around for a second, he laughed at the hug, “I’m glad you’re okay. Also glad we didn’t need a search team out for you.” Nope, he wasn’t going to even think about how she could have been stuck if he didn’t happen to be around at the moment. Grant pulled back and took his knife back out again. “Did you pick up everything you needed in the city, or are you still not done here? I’m going to stick with you either way, and no, it’s not because I think you need the help. I just wouldn’t leave you even if you grumbled about it,” he said with a smirk.

“No, no. I’ve got everything.” Blake told him, holding her gun, “Fucking hate doors,” She grumbled to herself, “Let’s get out of here before something happens. That’s enough of a sign that we need to get back.” Blake didn’t like to say she was superstitious, but if things started to scare her or go wrong, she got the hell out of there. 

[blakesbliss-blog]

stubbornxenigma:

Charley let her gaze remain on Blake and she gave a chuckle. “Likewise, you too.” She shot her a wink and shook her head. “Oh I’m sure there’s a lot of negatives come along with me being his friend too, but cheers.” She cast a glance to Blakes foot. “They probably have some over at the medical building but don’t like giving them away for just a sprain.” Charley had no problem swiping a pair if she needed some though. “..but a sprain can be fuckin’ painful”.

Blake moved about just enough to find a place to lower herself to the ground, leaning against the wall of a nearby building. She looked up at Charley, “I haven’t seen any negatives just yet,” She laughed slightly, “Yeah, they barely wanted to give me the tensor bandage. I guess they’re really careful about reusing stuff even though it’s.. well basically the apocalypse and all.” She smiled, “It hurts, but it’s been getting better. It’s down to about half the size it was two weeks ago when I hurt it.” 

[blakesbliss-blog]

aceoflilies:

Lily shrugged, Lyden was a big boy. If he wanted to sleep through dinner that was his problem.

Blake, preferring to let Lyden sleep, didn’t wake him. She knew that whatever came they’d both need as much rest as they could get, but it was too difficult for her to calm her nerves enough to rest. Lyden didn’t have to worry about James - she doubted that he worried about him passed the fact that it affected her - and she imagined that made it easier for him to sleep. Spooning some of the food into her mouth, she glanced back up to Lily.

[blakesbliss-blog]

aceoflilies:

Lily set down the knife, going to the sink and washing off the metal shavings that covered her hands before dumping in the vegetables with the rice. She was no means a cook but her food was edible and it kept her moving, That was all that was important after all. She cracked the eggs in at the last minute and let that cook before turning off the heat. She still had at least three bowls, right? Yes. Good. She scooped a few spoonfuls of the fried rice into two bowls and placed in next to Blake before returning to her table to eat.

Blake continued sanding, pausing for another moment when Lyden stirred in his sleep. She stayed caught up in her thoughts, occasionally glancing up to watch Lily cook. Setting the leg and sandpaper aside for the time being, she picked the bowl at her side up before glancing to Lyden, “Thank you,” She smiled, “Should I wake him up?” At least then he’d be able to eat while it was hot.