Not super proud over this one, but I still wanted to post it. A fluff “series” with Cullen Rutherford and the Iron Bull, (I do have a weakness for the Bull, I know). Basically, Cullen can’t sleep since he is haunted by nightmares from what happened at the Circle of Magi. Bull wants to help.
“Cullen don’t you want me? Let me in and I’m yours” she said with a crooked smile.
“No, no… leave me alone Demon! Just leave me alone...”
“Let me in Cullen… Just let me in…”
“GO AWAY! I will not break....!” With a flash, the vision was gone and Cullen found himself on the cold floor of the circle of Magi, surrounded by the magic barrier which held him prisoner. Outside the barrier stod one of the blood mages who sought to enter his mind and turn him into something twisted.
“Such a stubborn one! Wouldn’t it be easier to just give in? Think of the great you would do” said the blood mage whilst slowly running her fingers across the outside of the barrier which imprisoned Cullen.
“Such a sweet boy” the mage purred, “give me time sweet, and I will find what will break you…” she smirked at Cullen who laid on his knees on the cold floor, covering his ears in an attempt to block out the mage's malicious words. Cullen was exhausted after days without food and water, also after the amount of mental abuse which the mages had inflicted on him. The mage found Cullens attempt to shut her out amusing and laughed at him.
“You think that will keep me out?” the mage hummed ominously.
“Enough visions! If anything in you is human, kill me now...!” Cullen begged the observing mage, laying his forehead down on the cold stone floor. A smile slowly curled on the mage’s lips as she heard his pleas.
“Well pet, what’s the fun in that?” she said laughing as she once again tried to invade Cullen’s mind with her blood magic whilst he screamed out in agony…
Cullen woke up with a shock, his heart pounding in his chest and his body feeling sticky from all the sweat. He gasped for air and clutched his sheets as he looked around his room, ensuring that he was in fact still in Skyhold and not at the circle. It was dark outside and Cullen could see through the hole in his bedroom’s roof that the stars were still out, indicating that he must have slept no longer than two hours or so. This was the fourth night this had happened. Cullen was used to the nightmares, but he had never thought they would become insufferable without Lyrium.
“Makers breath”, Cullen sighed as he sat up in his bed, the chilly night air nibbling at him. Cassandra and the others had told him many times that he should patch up the hole in the roof, but Cullen always had other priorities which he put before his own comfort. He had vowed to not give any less to the Inquisition than he had given to the Templars, and this was a vow he intended to keep, no matter the consequences. He had thought of commencing his Lyrium intake once again to achieve this goal, but Inquisitor Lavellan had told him to be strong, she had ensured him that he could be without it. And for her sake, for the hope she had in him, he could not let her down. These nightmares, however, did his vow no favour since they caused him to be without sleep which affected his ability to confront his daily chores. The horrifying nightmares had now awoken him several nights, and Cullen had learned that as soon he sought the embrace of sleep, the nightmares would creep up on him once again. He had tried during the last several nights to have the benefit of the doubt, he was hoping that if he just tried falling asleep, the nightmares might not come. But every night he was proved wrong. Recently, he had given up on trying to fall asleep once again after being woken up by nightmares, the fear of enduring the nightmares were worse than not sleeping at all according to Cullen. So instead, he had begun tackling the workload on his desk during the nights. There was always something that needed the attention of the Commander of the Inquisition, and Cullen appreciated whatever could evade him from recalling what had happened at the circle of magi. By doing this, Cullen thought he could still prove his worth to the Inquisition, even though it might result in him being a bit more tired during the days.
Cullen sighed and brushed his golden hair from his forehead. Cullen then arose from his bed and started to get dressed since he had no further intention to seek solace in sleep for the night. He adorned his armour and wrapped the red fur over his shoulders, climbing down the ladder to greet the workload of paper awaiting him.
As the night transformed into day, the sun danced on the papers which Cullen had been working on informing him that the day was about to begin. Cullen felt weary since he had only been sleeping approximately two hours per night for the last several nights, but he would not allow this to disturb him. Cullen gathered his belongings and headed towards the pub, where breakfast soon would be served.
As he entered the pub, the conventional sound of people talking, tableware scraping and the familiar smell of fried eggs and porridge filled his senses.
“Makers let them have coffee…” Cullen thought to himself as he went to fetch some breakfast. Recently, Cullen had been drinking way more coffee than usual, he needed to find some way to focus on the tasks at hand instead of his intense lust to simply curl up into a ball and fall asleep. What a dilemma, wanting to sleep but dreading the nightmares that he knew would follow sleeps predicament. Cullen grabbed a bowl of porridge and a steaming cup of hot coffee and spied across the tavern for a place to sit down. Inquisitor Lavellan was (as per usual) up early and eating her breakfast. Next to her sat Josephine, Leliana, Cassandra and Dorian, discussing something which seemed to relate to shoes. Cassandra did not seem too eager to engage in the topic at hand. As Cullen spied across the bar, looking for a free place to sit, the Iron Bull waved him over.
The Iron Bull sat among Sera and his charger at a larger table, laughing and chatting. Cullen complied with his request and headed towards the table. Cullen sat down next to Bull with the talkative group, the conversation already underway.
“What I wouldn’t give for some hot cocoa….”
“Dalish, can’t you whip some up with that staff of yours?”
“I told you, it’s not a staff it’s a bow”
“A bow with a giant crystal at the end?”
“It helps with aiming, old Dalish trick, you wouldn’t understand”, Dalish said, snickering at Krem and the others at the table as they continued to discuss and chatter.
Cullen didn’t listen too well and instead started taking big gulps of his coffee, feeling it slightly burn down his throat on the way down.
“Ey there commander, the coffee won’t run away from you ya know” Sera snickered at Cullen. Bull let out a laugh and gazed attentively at Cullen. Sera then diverted her attention back towards the others as Cullen simply continued drinking his coffee, ignoring her statement.
“Feeling a bit tired today are we?” the Bull said as he gazed down on Cullen with a small smile. Cullen himself was a well-built man, Templar training did that to you. But when sitting next to Bull, who was big even for a Qunari, Cullen felt tiny.
“Just had a lot of work to do last night”, Cullen said, quickly gazing up towards Bull before he delved back into his coffee once more. He could feel the Bull’s eye lingering on him, inspecting him.
“Just don’t work yourself to death”, Bull said sounding somewhat concerned as he laid one of his huge hands on Cullen’s shoulder, giving him a light squeeze. A warmth spread from the Qunarie’s hand, and Cullen did not know why, but he could feel his cheeks slightly blush at the Bull’s touch.
After a long day of meetings and chores, night once again came to place and Cullen was walking towards the ramparts, heading to his quarters. Cullen had already decided to abstain from sleeping this night. The thought of once again having to face the horrifying nightmares terrified him to his very bones, and he would rather stay awake than risk reliving the nightmares once again.
Cullen went up the stairs of the ramparts towards his courter as the dark of night set in and stopped outside his door. The rest of Skyhold was already fast asleep or spending the evening in more preferable ways than this. Cullen could of course join some of his friends to spend the evening in a better way as well, but he didn’t want to trouble them and he didn’t think himself worthy of taking a night off since he barely was able to concentrate on his tasks during the day. First when he had managed to live up to the demands of the Inquisition, then he would allow himself to take some time off, he told himself. So as of now, what laid before him was work. But even though Cullen had made himself sure that this was the truth, he could not convince his legs to enter the room. Cullen sighed and looked towards the peaky snowy mountains which surrounded Skyhold as he leaned over the battlement and reflected on how serene and quiet the night could be even though there was a storm in his mind.
“Admiring the surroundings, are we?”
Cullen gasped surprised and turned around to see the Iron Bull leaning towards the ramparts.
“Makers breath,” Cullen said, surprised that he had not heard the giant Qunari sneak upon him. But several nights without sleep had of course dulled his senses. The Iron Bull laughed warmly at Cullens flustered state.
“At ease commander, I come in peace,” Bull chuckled and smirked at Cullen. Cullen felt embarrassed over his flustered state and quickly straightened his back as he snapped back into his Templar training.
“Is there anything I could do for you, the Iron Bull?” Cullen asked, trying to sound as composed as possible. The Bull smirked at Cullen and seemed to take pleasure in the former templars attempt to remain ever in control.
“Well, it’s more what I could do for you, Commander”, the Iron Bull replied.
“Wha… What? Excuse me?” Cullen said, stumped at the Bull’s statement. What could he mean by that? Cullen couldn’t recall anything that he might need the Bull’s help. But, perhaps the Inquisitor had asked the Bull to help with training the recruits or somewhat like that.
And as if Bull could see how Cullens mind started to race, he said:
“It’s nothing to do with the Inquisition Commander”.
Cullen was slightly surprised by this statement since he could not think of any other area that could require the Bull’s help.
Bull observed Cullens reactions closely, and as he could see how Cullen grew somewhat perplexed over his statement, he decided to get straight to the point.
“For how long haven’t you slept?” Bull asked, sounding somewhat concerned.
“I… How did you…?” Cullen stuttered, surprised that someone had actually noted that he had not slept relatively well for the last several days. Cullen deemed that he had done a good job disguising it, trying his best to be as effective as ever, even though exhaustion had crept itself upon him during the days.
“Ben-Hassrath, remember?” Bull said with a twinkle in his eye that almost made Cullen blush.
“Oh yes... Of course”, Cullen said, avoiding Bulls inspecting gaze whilst he tried to compose himself.
“So how long?”, Bull asked once again.
“Well, I mean… Only a couple of days. But… I… I am quite fine thank you” Cullen said, quite embarrassed that this mercenary seemed to care about Cullens sleeping habits and well being. Bull let out another rumbling chuckle, smiling at how flustered Cullen became over Bull’s questions. Bull assumed that he was not used to people caring for him in this manner of way. Instead, he expected that it usually was the other way around, that Cullen was the one who posed as the caring party. Therefore, he was probably not accustomed to others seeking to bring him comfort. This Bull intended to change.
“You wanna talk about it?” Bull said, concernedly examining Cullen with his eye.
“I… I have some work that needs my attention…” Cullen replied, feeling his cheeks blush under the Bulls inspecting gaze.
“Come on down to the bar, grab a drink. The work can wait a while”, Bull stated as he stopped leaning against the rampart, showing the real height difference between the two.
“Oh… okay… But isn’t the bar closed?” Cullen asked as he followed Bull.
“It’s never closed for those who know where the booze is,” Bull said chuckling.
The bar which normally was swarming with happy patrons was now empty. Bull headed towards the bar and pulled up two large mugs and filled them with something he grabbed from his own pocket.
“What’s that?” Cullen asked.
“A little something from Par Vollen. Something to put some chest on your chest. Drink!” Bull said and handed him one of the hunormous mugs. Perhaps he shouldn’t, Cullen thought to himself. But since Bull had already begun to heave his own drink, Cullen felt it would be impolite to refuse. He raised the mug and took a sip of the sharp smelling drink. As the substance passed down his throat, he could feel it burn as if set on fire. Cullen started coughing loudly, surprised at how strong the drink actually was.
“The second cup’s easier. Most of the nerves in your throat are dead after the first one”, Bull said laughing.
“I’m not sure my throat would survive more”, Cullen said, glancing down into the still over-filled mug in his hands.
“Maraas-Lok! Drink!” Bull said chuckling at Cullen.
Cullen felt it rude to decline and took another deep chug of the strong alcohol. One again he started coughing and could already feel his head starting to spin a bit. Cullen didn’t have a chance, the stuff was extremely strong, and the fact that he was exhausted only made him drunk faster.
“There we go, down the hatch,” Bull said, smiling encouragingly towards Cullen.
Cullen chugged the rest of the content of the mug down his throat, the stuff going down slightly easier this time since the alcohol had already numbed his throat since before, as Bull had said. He could feel his mind becoming somewhat foggy, and the alcohol made him slump in his posture a tiny bit. Bull seemed to notice and smiled teasingly at him. Cullen blushed quickly and tried to regain his proper templar posture under Bull's teasing look.
“So are you ready to talk now? Bull said, crossing the bar and setting himself down on a chair next to Cullen. Bull turned his body so he faced Cullen and gave him his full attention whilst listening attentively to every word Cullen said.
“Well, I… I’ve just had some problems with nightmares the recent nights… So I’ve had some trouble sleeping, that’s all”, Cullen said as he slightly bit his lip and looked down into his now empty mug as he felt it too embarrassing to gaze into the large Qunarie’s eye. Cullen usually wouldn’t have told the Bull this, but the alcohol had made him let loose a bit.
“So how many nights has it been like that?” Bull asked, concerned. It surprised Cullen how soft he could sound. This towering hulk of a Qunarie who fought dragons as if they were nothing, and here he was sitting next to Cullen, concerned if Cullen was sleeping enough or not.
“A week or two perhaps?” Cullen answered, still staring down into the bottom of his mug.
“Mhm,” the Bull hummed as he inspected Cullen. Bull was so close to Cullen that he would touch him if he just would lean in a bit. Cullen could feel the warmth that was radiating from Bull's body and a thought crossed his drunk mind over how easy it would be to just lean into him and cuddle up in his warm embrace. Cullen quickly combatted the notion as his posture grow stiff as he felt his ears growing hot from the thought.
“So what are these nightmares about?” Bull asked.
“I… I’d rather not say” Cullen answered. He was aware that Bull probably already knew about Cullen's past, it wasn’t exactly a secret. But he didn’t feel comfortable enough to reveal the memories which hunted him nightly yet, even under the influence of alcohol. Or rather, he felt too ashamed to talk about them.
“I understand, you don’t have to,” Bull hummed. Bull then laid one of his hands across Cullens back. It was so big that it covered the most part of his upper back. Cullen froze from the unexpected touch and almost stopped breathing for a second. Why did Bull’s touch affect him in this way, he thought to himself.
“I think I know what your problem is Commander” Bull said smirking, as he still held his hand firmly on Cullens back. “And I know what could help”.
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