My Suicide Letter.
Sometimes, I don't see the point of living. We're not really free, why? Because we're following rules and have laws. We get judged for what we do or say. I hate it, along with everything else. My life isn't perfect, no one's is. I get blamed for things I don't even do, I'm used to it though. I get abused and never taking seriously, I'm used to that too. No one really knows how I feel or what made me like this, that's why I hate it when people judge another person because people never take the time to think about what made them that way or what has a person ever did to them. That's why it's never okay to judge. Me, on the other hand get abused physically and verbally, I suffer from anxiety, and I'm a really quiet person once you get to actually know me. It bothers me that I wake up to hell every day. The cursing, beatings/ fights, threats , judging, and of course.. the lies. I'm so tired of it all. I even been sent to rehab for my suicidal thoughts. My "parents" shouldn't be labeled as parents for what they do to me, I swear they make my life hell. They really think it's okay to sit here and do the bullshit to me. Sometimes, I wish I was adopted, but I wish all the time that they didn't bring me into this world. Why? Because all they fucking care about is themselves and my siblings, which I don't want to claim because they act the same way like their parents too. They never want to see me do good. They've missed a lot. My sports games, so many of my awards ceremonies, my birthday, etc. ~~ To my parents, one of us is gonna die and I guess it is gonna be me. I hope you’re life from here on is miserable. I hope you realize how much you needed me and treated me like garbage . I want you to beg for me to come back for my forgiveness. But I won’t. I want you both dead. I wanted you both to die for so long, do you really know how much I hated that?! I lay in my bed and think " WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" You’re both a two faced pathetic excuse for a parent. You may be my parents but you are not my mom nor dad. I certainly won’t miss you both. Goodbye forever, you abusive piece of shit. To Liliana, I don’t even know if you’re going to get this message or not. You were the first person I ever dated. I’m sorry I stopped talking to you after we broke up, I would feel guilty every time that I did. I was a terrible significant other, and I’m sorry I could never reciprocate your feelings for me. I know this may not fix it, but I’m sorry. I’ll miss you. To Kay, hey bestfriend . I want to thank you for making me happy. I'm glad I never told you my problems because I didn't want you to worry. You're fucking crazy and funny as hell, I'm going to miss you, ALOT. Literally, I'm still going to call you my "girlfriend" no matter if I end up in heaven or hell, shit the places don't even exist. But anyways, thank you for everything. I'll miss you and I love you . To Lisa aka Lauryn , my current girlfriend and the love of my life. I love you. I will never stop loving you. You make me so happy, so please don’t be too sad for long, sadness won’t bring me back and there’s no point anymore. I’m sorry, please don’t feel inadequate. Don’t feel like you failed me, you couldn’t “cure” me, or that you didn’t have the power to save me. You did make me laugh, and I felt like I had a reason to live. But I’m weak, I’m battered and bruised and I’m tired of fighting. It’s not your fault, I never really told you what was going on (not because I didn’t trust you) but because I didn’t feel like I was worth worrying over. I’m sorry Lisa, I love you, and if all goes well, I’ll watch over you and be your guardian angel. I’ll miss you, so much. To TJ aka Michael, my favorite person actually haha you're the main guy I'd actually talk to though. I remember telling you some of my problems but I thank you for not making in fun of me for those things. You're a cool dude, and if anyone doesn't like you then they can die in a fucking hole. Anyways, I always thought of you as my brother instead of being my nephew/ son. It's like, you actually understand, which you do! Thanks for everything again. I'll miss you a lot and I love you, stay strong and don't let anyone bring you down no matter what. To Renzi, I'm going to miss you a lot, our relationship is strong. I've known you for years and it felt like we've known each other since forever. We have this father and daughter relationship, I like that..but I'm going to miss it. I remember you telling me all of your problems and I'd sit there and listen, giving you advice. I never knew how much we were alike with our problems..I just never told you mine. The reason why I really want you to stop your suicidal thoughts is so that you won't end up like me. I really want you to live and grow up to be something nice and to always remember what I've told you. You only got a couple more years to go, then you'll be set free from your parents. I'll miss you and I hope to see you soon, I love you . To everyone else I owe a letter to, thank you for being there and for everything. Im going to miss you guys so much, seriously.You guys actually made me feel better and I'm still surprised none of you had left me through all of the bs I went through. I'm going to miss the memories we had, I'll be looking over you guys. I love you.
