Captains grocery shopping in the human world (toilet paper edition)
It has came to captain´s attention that toilet paper has became a very important item in the human world. So here is how each one of them handle this situation.
Also this is to make fun of the toilet paper meme that has been going on now. Why does people feel the needs to panic buy so much toilet paper?
He would hit people who are fighting and tell them not to panic buy, then get angry at them.
Sasakime: Sir, how were you able to buy toilet paper?
Yamamoto: I used my zanpakuto.
Sasakime: Did you burn them?
While everyone is in the middle of a battle for the last bag of toilet paper, Soifon is too fast for regular humans. So she activates Shunko in the middle of the supermarket, destroying parts of the property.
Omaeda: Captain… you just destroyed 3 shelves.
Soifon: You´ll pay for the repairs. Right?
Omaeda: Yes, Captain, but please don’t hurt me.
She would enter the shop naked to distract the people then get the toilet paper, but her plan backfired when she got arrested for nudity.
Urahara: Yoruichi-san, did you get the toilet paper?
Cat Yoruichi: Nope, sorry, just escaped prison.
Urahara: What did you do?
Cat Yoruichi: My plan was to go in there naked, but apparently it’s illegal to walk around naked.
He would do anything for Rangiku, even if it means losing his life in the process. He fights bravely for the last bag of toilet paper.
Gin: Izuru-kun, please get this to Ran-chan, I’m counting on ya.
Kira: CAPTAIN! Please don’t die!
He’s quite indifferent about this entire shopping for the toilet paper thing, why bother when he can just stay in his office reading manga. And when he needs something he could just take them from Kensei.
Kira: Captain, shouldn’t you go shopping?
Rose: It’s fine, there is no need.
She tries not to use her bloodthirst side too much so she tries to stop the fight in a friendly way, but when the people don’t listen to her, she uses her intimidating smile. They all parted away.
Unohana: Hanataro, why were they so scared when I told them to stop fighting?
Hanataro: I-I am not sure Captain.
Unohana: Oh well, at least we got some toilet paper.
She would be too scared to get close to the people fighting. So she'd wait until everyone calmed down.
Kiyone: Why didn’t you get anything sis?
Isane: There were so many people fighting and I was afraid. When they left, there was no more toilet paper left…
Kiyone: You’re not going shopping next time.
Aizen wouldn’t bother with the actual shopping, he uses his zanpakuto to trick people into believing that there is no toilet paper left.
Aizen: Shatter Kyoka Suigetsu!
Aizen: Minions, go get them all.
Aizen: This is all according to my perfect plan.
Gets distracted by all the young women in the supermarket and he tries to flirt with them all.
Momo: Captain Hirako, care to explain why you came back empty-handed?
Momo: You got distracted and started calling everyone your first love, didn’t you?
Momo: Captain! You need to stop doing that!
Byakuya is so rich, that he wouldn’t even bother with going shopping himself. He would send his servants to the world of living to do those peasants errands.
Renji: Captain, why didn’t you go shopping like everyone is doing now?
Byakuya: There is no need for me to personally do such activities such as shopping.
He wouldn’t be allowed in the shop… need I say more?
Officer: Sir, please you need to take off your um… fursuit before entering the shop.
Komamura: What are you talking about? This is not a fursuit…
Gives his all in the fight, but when he is about to grab the bag, Nanao grabs it. So they start a fight, in the end, someone else got it and they both lose.
Iba: This toilet paper is finally mine!
Nanao: Not so fast, this belongs to me, Captain Iba.
Iba: What are you talking about? I touched it first.
Nanao: You are delusional.
He isn't interested in toilet paper so he goes to the alcohol section instead, leaving the actual shopping to Nanao.
Nanao: Captain, stay away from the alcohol, we came here to buy food, not sake.
Kyoraku: Nanao-chan, don't be mean!
Nanao: Sir, you are the head captain now, you should learn how to behave.
She wouldn’t bother buying toilet paper as the only thing she wants are those questionable magazines.
Hiyori: What the hell are you doing? Shouldn't you be shopping?
Lisa: Who needs toilet paper when I can get all this magazine?
Since Tosen really care about justice, when he entered the supermarket the only thing he thought to do was to start a monologue about justice, no one is listening to him as they are all too busy fighting for that last bag of toilet paper.
Tosen: What is it Hisagi?
Hisagi: Captain… nobody was listening…
Tosen: The path to justice...
Kensei being quite aggressive in battle doesn't really care about the outcome, as long as he got what he wanted.
Mashiro: Ohh, I see that you got the toilet paper.
Mashiro: How did you get it?
Mashiro: Did you just send the other people flying?
Mashiro: Come on tell me!
Just being his goofy self, when people saw him cry to the picture of his wife they took pity on him.
Isshin: MASAKI, I'M ABOUT TO SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR OUR CHILDREN.
Isshin: WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER SOON.
Isshin: I’M SORRY, MY CHILDREN, I CAN'T BE HERE FOR YOU ANYMORE.
Ichigo: I don't know him, I swear.
Hitsugaya is tired of being always shoved to the side by the people twice his size. He uses his bankai to grow up a bit.
Hitsugaya: There Matsumoto, the stuff you asked for.
Rangiku: You were even able to get toilet paper?
Rangiku: How? The last time I went there, people were fighting for it.
Hitsugaya: I have my ways. Now go back to work.
Rangiku: Captain… you used your bankai, didn't you?
He would join the fight, because let's admit it, there is no way he will back away from a fight. And so... he forgets his original objective.
Kenpachi: Is that a fight?
Yumichika: It is, but we didn't came today to fight, we need to buy toilet paper.
Ikkaku: He didn't hear you. He's already fighting them.
Ikkaku: We need to stop him before he kills those humans.
After Yoruichi´s failed attempt to get toilet paper, Urahara thought it was better to send his clones to do the dirty work.
Jinta: Oh my god, how the hell did you get this much stuff in just one shopping trip?
He tends to have a lot of illegal drugs, and nobody is willing to test them for him, so he thought the human world is the best place to put those drugs in action.
Mayuri: Nemu! Paralyse them.
Nemu: Yes, master Mayuri.
Ukitake would want to go to the human world but couldn't, because he is sick and has to stay in his room instead.
Sentaro: Captain, please, you have to stay put.
Ukitake: But I need to get some new candy for Shiro-chan.
Sentaro: Please don't make me call Captain Unohana.
Ukitake: On second thought, I will stay in my room.
Rukia being a bit more familiar with the human world thanks to her constant visits, she learns not to make a huge scene like the rest of the captains. She often watch videos from the human world and she learns how humans fight for toilet paper.
Ichigo: Is she... pulling on that other woman's hair?
Ichigo: Why is she doing that?
Renji: Well she thought that's the way human fights.
Ichigo: We need to stop her…
Renji: Nah… She will be fine.
