My pronouns are God/Bless/America

Lobster Fisherman, Landlord, Female Bust Enjoyer

[bleedamerican1767]

My 43 year old son just attempted the "eat 5 cans of dog food and shit in your sink challenge". Literally anything but getting a job and leaving me alone.

[bleedamerican1767]

You're going to have to tie me down and surgically attach extra ribs if you're tired of seeing me suck my own dick.

[bleedamerican1767]

Dudes don't even ask you if they can hit the datura pen anymore, they just look at you like this:

[bleedamerican1767]

God pulled over at a sobriety checkpoint and blew a Bristol Stool Chart 7. Can't pay alimony from jail lmoa. My hog faced ex wife can get bent.

[bleedamerican1767]

How some of y'all will be reacting when your time comes and you realize you're not reaching the pearly gates of gods kingdom.

[bleedamerican1767]

Kitten, come back. I'm sorry for mansplaining the Arctic Monkeys last night.

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

people will be like "i'm bored" meanwhile there's baking soda and vinegar in the cupboard. make a volcano dude

[bleedamerican1767]

People really be like "I'm bored" when leaving various animal bones and pictures of the devil on your libcuck neighbor Ken's doorstep is actually free.

[bleedamerican1767]

My lush died not even 10 minutes into my lunch at The Roadhouse and now I'm just here sitting with straight up stuff in me . Halfway into the saddest rack of ribs with a cold ass half wiped, I could die right now and couldn't be happier. Fuck you for suggesting this.

[bleedamerican1767]

My body is a machine that turns 20 beers into my hog faced wife wanting a divorce.

[bleedamerican1767]

No pride this month, just a dude named Pants.

[bleedamerican1767]

If the woke left had their way, his name would be Pronouns O'Toole.

[bleedamerican1767]

Just got my Preparation H class lawsuit check, if you're on birth control, come over and let daddy whisper sweet nothings into your pork wallet while he's still feeling generous.

#paypig #DM

[bleedamerican1767]

Bitch wife is out of town. Any hot gash wanna come over and bounce on daddy's throbbing uncut pork loin.

[bleedamerican1767]

My brain dead trophy wife just found out about name brand orange juice.

[marlboroman7]

#cigarman, #cigar, #smoking

[bleedamerican1767]

Tell me about your most recent bowel movement

You're not my fucking doctor and if you were I wouldn't be getting no damn woke vaccine and if I would you asking me on here would be a HIPPO violation and I don't want none of that estrogen bullshit they pack it with. Google Project Northwoods and you might learn yourself. Do not ask me this again.

[bleedamerican1767]

How do I tell my wife's hairdresser I want her to get this cut without showing this picture. Don't judge, I need this for me.