"And all of my heroes die all alone" 🏹
I'm trying really hard not to be negative -- because I've always seen evermore as a song directed at the Gaylor community post failed coming out in 2019 (sending signals, to be double-crossed) -- but I'm still reeling after last week.
I'm so conflicted.
The last time I deactivated this account was after the proposal because I figured Taylor had decided to make her bed and lie in it. I expected the signalling to stop as a result...but it didn't. If anything the signals got louder -- bolder -- and more frequent.
So, I figured (like many others) there was a bigger plan. Then the "patient for the encore" signs started emerging and I got excited. Taylor has the money, power, and influence to make major changes within (and outside of) the LGBTQIA+ community. Yes, she donates to queer organisations and that's awesome. But, it's also very very covert support -- which means it can be easily missed or misinterpreted.
I was happy at the thought that now she had her masters, Taylor would give herself the courage and freedom to walk through that door🚪with her head held high. There's nothing stopping her now except herself.
And yet...
Look, I get it. You all get it. Every queer person in the entire world gets it. It's scary. It's a leap of faith that people will still be there on the other side. Taylor is not exempt from these feelings -- she's not unique in her experience. But she is unique in her circumstances. And, once again, she's decided to let go of the handle.
"Why does it matter? She's out to us and shouldn't that be enough? The wedding changes nothing. It's so clearly performance art. It's so obviously a joke. She didn't actually get married to him."
Yeah. She probably didn't. But only we think that way. To everyone else, they ARE publicly married. It matters because this isn't just dating a beard. It's a marriage. Lavender or not, it's a marriage. This dynamic switch changes the way Gaylors are treated.
As a community, we've faced significant heat before.
When the lover album was released. When it was announced that Taylor and 🎬 got together and then afterwards when they broke up. When the evermore album was released. When the midnights album was released. When it was announced that Taylor and 🐀 got together and then broke up. When TTPD was released. When it was announced that Taylor and 🏈 got together and then got engaged.
Every time we're called crazy and delusional and disrespectful and just all-round hideous human beings for projecting our gay-ness onto Taylor. But we're not.
We're fellow artists. Musicians. Academics. Poets. Writers. Historians. We're intelligent and quick-witted. We're collaborative and arguably more tuned in to the meaning of her lyricism. We're basically the exact opposite of everything that's said about us.
It's never easy to navigate these comments but its also not so heavy when there's more of us. This marriage has decimated and divided the Gaylor community (and I'm not just talking about Tumblr). How are we meant to defend ourselves and our already small community when it gets even smaller.
Accounts have disappeared left and right. Timelines and histories deleted alongside them. Memories erased. I understand why. I've done it myself. Multiple times. But now it's happening en masse. And yes people will stay. This is not the first time the community has been spread thin. But all the collecting and documenting we've been doing is a community job. A handful of people can't do it all themselves. We know this.
Ultimately, I feel sorry for Taylor. I know she's in-between a rock and a hard place. But she's still making these choices. She's choosing to follow in the footsteps of Clara Bow and Elizabeth Taylor instead of George Michael and Elton John.
Sometimes, I like to play a game where I think of the life a closeted celebrity from the twentieth century would have had if they'd been born a millennial or Gen Z-er. I think of how many of them would jump at the opportunity to live in a world with marriage equality and gender affirming healthcare.
Yes, there is still bigotry in the twenty first century, that will probably remain for the end of time -- but it's significantly better.
This wedding was a media literacy test. And results will be handed out in fifty years when all of this will be declassified -- but until then, we are on our own. We are the missing pawn♟️Everyone else is on the board except us.
My final message is for @spade-riddles ♠️ an undeniable pillar in the Gaylor community -- I want to thank you for sharing the riddles. I do believe in their authenticity and that the anon emojis are real. AND, I also think that they're all taking the absolute piss to not offer any reassurance post the fourth of July after egging us for literal years. It is for this reason that I will no longer be engaging with these posts or trying to decode their messages. Sending you well wishes during this clusterfuck of a show and support whatever decisions you make re the anons going forward.
