D&D Liveblog Session – 29.03.15 – Gwendolyn's Marvellous Minge
Setting:The city of Senaliesse, in the feywild. We've managed to secure lodgings, and a satyr has promised to show us around.
Characters:
Pethuel – human cleric (me)
Thaleia – tiefling warlord
Ariel – aladrin mage
Noamuth – elf rogue
Dewdrop – pixie witch
Today’s session contains: Sexy time gone wrong, business propositions, and interesting times at the Senaliesse jail.
Kill count: No kills this session.
17.49: No Scar or Ragnar this session.
17.50: Noamuth OOC is giving his die a pep talk.
17.55: Pel is using Holy Cleansing on Ariel. We're assuming her EIV is stage 5, but at stage 3 she'll not be infectious.
17.58: Successful cleansing. Ariel is no longer contagious.
18.00: Pel has turned down Ariel's offer for him to join her and the barmaid in a threesome. She's let it go for now, because she has other things to deal with. But it isn't over.
18.02: On cue, Thaleia OOC starts playing Let's Get It On.
18.04: Ariel is returning to Gwendolyn. DM is refusing to describe any further.
18.07: Ariel is making a will check.
18.09: Gwendolyn is fighting back.
Ariel: "I'm alright with this! Tie me up, baby!"
18.10: Thaleia and Pel can hear sex noises. Noamuth OOC is thumping the table.
18.11: Gwendolyn is doing something to Ariel's mind that Ariel doesn't like, and isn't stopping.
18.11: Ariel is distracting her by going down on her.
18.12: Ariel is denying that she's in to anal.
18.12: Thaleia and Pel aren't recognising that anything's amiss.
18.14: Ariel is rolling. 19. Gwendolyn is distracted somewhat.
18.14: Ariel is pulling a dagger out of her buttgina and holding it to Gwendolyn's neck.
18.15: Ariel: "This could still be kinky! We can turn this around, Gwendolyn!"
18.18: She's describing this loudly in front of the pizza guy that just showed up IRL.
Ariel: "Breast in one hand. Up against the wall. Knife at throat. Marvellous as your minge is, what did you just do to my mind?"
18.19: Gwendolyn's Marvelous Minge, the Roald Dahl book that never made it.
18.22: As Ariel presses the knife to her throat, something flickers behind Gwendolyn's eye.
18.24: We don't think this is her true form. She's felt this type of creature before and she doesn't want to shag it.
18.25: Ariel is screaming.
18.26: Pel thinks its just part of the game. Everyone else is sprinting to her room.
18.27: Noamuth has kicked the door down, whilst drawing his sword.
18.29: Pell is now aware that things have taken a turn for the worst. Took him along enough. We're rolling for initiative.
18.30: Noamuth has shouted that we should knock her unconscious so we can question her later.
18:35: The others have been dazed.
18.43: Dewdrop has conjured a murderous twin version of Gwendolyn.
18.49 Ariel: “Magic missile.” DM: “Then your minor?” Party: “Sit on her face!” Ariel: “No! I finger myself! I'm not stupid!” DM: “Is that a minor?” Ariel: “For Ariel its a free action.”
18.52: Gwendolyn's turned in to her original form. It's a shape changer hag.
18.54: Ariel (to Pel): “I still need finishing off, my love.” Pel: “I can't do that. With my penis.” Ariel: “Tongue?” Pel: “...Fuck it, fine. Come to my room.”
18.57: In the meantime, the hag has been bound and the others are about to interrogate her.
18.59: Pel and Ariel are coming back to the others, after Pel declined Ariel's offer of a blowjob.
19.00: Thaleia is flaming on to intimidate the hag.
19.02: Dewdrop (sitting on the hag's shoulder): “Can I kick her in the ear?”
19.05: Noamuth has suggested Dewdrop stick her arm down the hags ear canal and punch her eardrum.
19.07: Hag: “I want to tell you but I can't for they will kill me.” Noamuth: “Who is they?” Hag: “I can't tell you.” Noamuth: “Who is not they? By inference we can work it out.”
19.10: She's refusing to talk to Thaleia because she's a dirty tiefling.
19.11: Noamuth is being the good cop.
19.12: Ariel is performing Instant Friends. That is such a useful little spell.
19.12: Oh wait, she can't because she didn't learn it this morning.
19.13: Dewdrop is zapping a lightning bolt in to the hags ear to knock her out again.
19.14: Ariel, Noamuth and Pel are going to go find the pub manager and the town guard.
19.15: Bar guy's name is Alorn. He wants to go upstairs.
19.16:Two guys in the corner in the shadows stood up and walked out as Noamuth was talking to the barkeeper. Ariel and Pel have gone off to find the town guard. We're heading back to the city gate.
19.20: Dewdrop is zapping the hag again to wake her up. Hag is going to be very crispy by the time we're done with her.
19.24: Ariel and Pel have returned with the city guard. Noamuth is checking the hag's room.
19.26: The guards are escorting the hag out of the room.
19.27: She bashed up against the doorframe as she was leaving, and a tiny slip of paper fell and went under the door on the floor.
19.29: The tiny slip of paper has Ariel's name on it.
19.30: Pel and Thaleia are going with the city guard to watch the interrogation.
19.32: Noamuth has found a letter written in elven, not signed, in her room. It says, 'We will send you the target written in common, in two weeks.'
19.35: Noamuth has found a key. He thinks its enchanted, and he can't see anything in the room it would open. There's also a pouch containing 2k gp
19.36: The handwriting on the note and the letter are different. Gettin' all Sherlock up in here.
19.37: Hag has been tied up and chucked in a jail cell. The guard at the door has been told not to let her out. They're interrogating her tomorrow.
19.39: Ariel's room is trashed. Thaleia has suggested she sleeps in with Pel. Pel said okay, but no sex. Ariel does not find this arrangement satisfactory, so now she's trying to break in to Thaleia's room. Thaleia is locking the door and pushing a chest of drawers in front of it.
19.41: Thaleia has given in and opened the door. Her terms are the same as Pel's: she can sleep in her bed, but no funny business. Ariel has agreed reluctantly.
19.42: Ariel's hands are wandering. Thaleia is slapping them away. Ariel is leaving in a huff and going back to Pel's room.
19.43: Pel has let Ariel in. A few minutes after he falls asleep, Ariel tries to give him a handjob. Pel wakes up.
19.44: Pel has turned Ariel down. Ariel has left his room to find Dewdrop. She's literally working her way through the party. I don't quite know what she's intending to do with Dewdrop, given that she's a tiny pixie.
19.45: She can't find her. she's going to the stable to find Kitty and Spike. I don't think any of us require an explanation of what happens after that.
19.46: Morning. Ariel's EIV is improving. Soon she should be totally clear.
19.27: Breakfast. Noamuth is fondling the key. It makes no sense that a shapeshifter would have it.
19.28: We're offering some protection to the pub owner. The guard has come by to say that the interrogation is starting. Ariel, Pel, Thaleia and Ragnar are going.
19.32: Noamuth is setting up a business meeting with Alorn. Dewdrop is reading her book.
19.33: Noamuth and Scar are talking to Alorn. Looks like Noamuth is angling to turn the pub in Fallcrest in to a franchise. Alorn is interested. Noamuth is making a very good business case. Alorn is willing to go along with our terms, but he wants to set up some kind of portal between our original pub and his.
19.35: Noamuth is telling him we'd come to the city because we thought there might be a portal back to Eberron here.
19.36: Alorn says that there's one in Mithrin Dane, which is a two week journey away to the north west.
19.37: Noamuth is saying we'd set up one of our teleport discs in this pub. Then we'd go to Mithrin Dane. Then back to Fallcrest, where we'd set up the other disc.
19.39: Alorn doesn't recognise the tiny key.
19.42: We're going to the prison. They've taken the hag in to another room to start the investigation. Ariel is asking for some alone time with the prisoner because she still feels betrayed. She's being given two minutes as long as the captain can be in the room
19.43: Ariel (to DM, in a whisper): “What's the captain wearing?” DM (to Ariel, in a whisper). “...Armour” Ariel (to DM, in a whisper) “Sexy armour?”
19.44: The guards are saying that they haven't managed to get any info from the hag yet.
19.46: Ariel's going in. She's performing an arcana check on the prisoner, to see if she's being controlled by outside forces. She's not getting the impression that there's any influence directly on her. She's moved on to trying to enchant her into thinking we're her friends.
19.47: Enchantment didn't work.
19.49: Ariel is now creating a ghost sound of an evil voice whispering the following:
“Tell them. Give in. Look at those tits.”
19.51:
Hag's reply:
“You know can't tell you. I can't tell you who I'm working for. They'd not just kill me, they'd kill everyone.”
19.52: Ariel is increasing the light level to mimic approval. Another ghost sound:
Ariel: “Tell her who you're working for. Give her the name.” Hag: “You know I can't do that.” Ariel: “Why can't you do that?” *Rolls nat twenty* Hag: “I can't do that and you know why. The league would kill everyone on this plane.
19.54: History check from Ariel. She's not heard of the group before.
19.55: Ghost sound and presdigitation.
Ariel: “What can you tell me?”
19.57: The hag is jabbering nonsense and her head is flailing about wildly. The guard tells Ariel that her two minutes are up, and drags her out of the cell.
20.00: Ariel is having a go at the guard.
20.01: Ariel: “Thirty seconds! To say goodbye! We've... shared some times.”
20.02: Guard is refusing.
20.04: Ariel is using Mage Hand to strangle the guard.
20.05: Thaleia has picked Ariel up.
20.06: Noamuth: “Distract her!” Thaleia: “I grab her boob.” Pel: “I start spanking her.” Ariel: “Nope, not working.” Thaleia: “Fine. I put her on my head and wear her like a hat.” Ariel: “... That'll do it.”
20.08: Ariel has been escorted from the premises and is now having a wank with the Mage Hand. Which seems like a perfect place to wrap things up for the evening.