Iām not sure how long itās been since I wrote this thing but I thought I should post it. These were my thoughts probably less than a month ago, while I was unable to fall asleep.
To be honest, Iām just a normal person. I try to live my life and fight for the things I want.
Yes.
Shocking ?
Maybe I donāt look like Iām trying hard enoughā¦ but I do that, I really doā¦ in my own way. Maybe Iām slow, sometimes it takes too much to figure things out, I have moments when I do everything the way I feel it should be done instead of doing as I am being told, maybe Iām stubborn, I struggle, I cry myself to sleep, I break down, I choose a path hoping to find the right one, I get lost, I become confused, I run, I stumble, I fall, I get hurt, I feel broken, but in the end I stand up and try again.
I have many dreams. Maybe some of them will become real. Others will be just dreams. We canāt expect thing to always work according to the plan. We have to accept the fact that unexpected things can and will happen whether we like it or notā¦ and they might change us.
I used to have problems opening up to people. Sometimes I might still hesitate. I used to think Iāll be a bother to people or I simply didnāt want to burden them with my problems. If I ever said something, I simply did that because I felt the need to do it. I needed to get it off my chest. Itās not about sympathy as some are probably going to say. Itās not about attention nor something egoistic. I donāt see whatās wrong with simply talking about the way you feel, about your thoughts and your problems. A lot of people out there are afraid to speak because they are going to be judged.
Sadly we are always judged.
No matter how hard we try we canāt please everyone. And you know what? Thatās perfectly fine as long as youāre being yourself. Itās alright if youāre not perfect. I donāt really believe in that anyway. We perceive that only through our own eyes and whatever we might call ā perfect ā could as well be the opposite for someone else. Thinking of itā¦ I know there are people out there just like me or in worse situations.
Iāve also been told something that Iāll hear over and over again: āopening up to people too much will give them the chance to hurt youā. Sadly this happened more than once. Sometimes it happened without people realising that, other times I watched them enjoying this right in front of me ā the way I was suffering because of the things they have done or said. They all assumed that I forgot or forgave them for the simple fact I havenāt brought up the subject ever again.
I refused, I refuse and I will continue to refuse changing for other people just to please them. If I make a change I simply do it because I feel the need to do so. I donāt do it because someone else told me ā itās better ā or that they prefer it that way. Have you ever wondered why some people failed to change even if they have been told more than once to do that ? Maybe some actually tried but still failed. Itās because it wasnāt coming from their heart--or the wish wasnāt strong enough. They didnāt feel the need for that kind of change they were struggling to make. They werenāt feeling as if they were themselves anymore. In some cases you might even feel as if youāre lying to yourself ( and then even to other people, because youāre pretending to be someone else, the person they want to see, not the one you truly are).
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