Sensation junkie

[blisstobehis]

[blisstoshowhim]

Just dying for some praise or affection really

[blisstoshowhim]

[blisstoshowhim]

Rumples and abs

[blisstoshowhim]

[blisstoshowhim]

The medium cane

I've come home, and went to look at the medium cane. I'm rattled and hurting, and wanted some comfort.

I can't defend myself in those meetings, I can't say that's not true, yes I do care, I'm broken too. I sit quietly and let it crash into me and try to choose my words carefully so as not to make things worse.

So I hold the medium cane and look at the shine and signs of liberal use over the years. I think about how even though the dragons rose to prominence, the medium cane is an old friend. Being caned with the medium is like making love.

My fingers trace the shiney marks...I carefully put it away.

It's been a tough day and really, no one really knows...

[blisstoshowhim]

My heart still skips a beat

[blisstoshowhim]

4/4

[blisstoshowhim]

Edge

Today I hit an actual edge of coping. I don't know what happened. .. people are polite. Apparently I had to deal with a work thing. Then I passed out and came to on my bedroom floor hours later and I've got no idea what happened

[blisstoshowhim]

Not eating for weeks then drinking scares me

[blisstoshowhim]

Loyalty

In the mission to make sure that everyone we know is aware what I've done, she's making sure everyone knows that about him. WHY WOULD YOU WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW IF YOU TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK

She even got someone to verbally abuse me while I was at work - you can't make this stuff up.

[blisstoshowhim]

Dignity

How someone behaves in a crisis displays their character. While breaking inside I've been discrete, demure and dignified.

In stark contrast she is being classless, gossipy and indiscrete.

I'm disgusted and will not stoop.

It's unattractive.

[inspiration-and-motivation]

[blisstoshowhim]

[blisstoshowhim]

I read things on tumblr regularly about the difficulties associated with submission and I generally scroll past them. They aren't relevant to me... generally. Submission has become as natural as breathing and rarely feels like a choice - one doesn't CHOOSE to breath. One does or expires. This morning I felt that difficulty. I've felt abandoned and worth less than and easy to cast aside. Each time I've cried over these feelings I've picked self up with another layer of protective armour. "It doesn't matter... I don't matter". Inside my armour I still swirl around and try to reach out but the thicker the layers the harder it is to reach back when You reach out. This morning the request for submission was unavoidable and direct. I fought with the feelings of unfairness and anger and despair and sadness. And then I thought about those posts I scroll past... "Submission isn't always easy"... and I chose to submit. It was hard and raw and I felt unsafe and vulnerable and I sobbed alone. But I submitted. I thought about my choices and my true self and the pathway of D/'s. While I still feel it's unfair and I still feel abandoned and worth less than and set aside, I am remembering the path to making things OK is in embracing D/ s, not rejecting it even in self protection. It feels risky to be so vulnerable amid those other feelings but I guess I have to trust You. So the empty despair has gone again... it's replaced by tight chested anxiety - gut churning uncertainty and lump in throat fear. But there is a degree of hope in submission and I have to cling onto that.

[deeplifequotes]

What you want exists. Don’t settle until you get it.

(via deeplifequotes)

💕bg

(via texandaddy-andhis-baby-girl)

[blisstoshowhim]

Master... please treat my body hard, my behaviour firmly and strictly, and my soul gently "

Your sub