HIATUS.

#reblogging because i felt very masc. and valid #|| oυт oғ weed ;; ooc 🌿#cigarette tw

// happy munday!!! here’s your local gay loser doing a sort of closet cosplay of s.pud from trai.nspotters

// happy munday!!! here’s your local gay loser doing a sort of closet cosplay of s.pud from trai.nspotters

#cigarette tw #i'm feeling really masc. it's great #|| oυт oғ weed ;; ooc 🌿

i cant control myself im makin g another blog save me from this HELL

#|| oυт oғ weed ;; ooc 🌿#yells @ own ass

continued // @ncturebcy

slim fingers held tightly onto the fabric of the poet's shirt, head bowed. tears, mixed with spit, drips down his face and off his lips, body shaking uncontrollably. breathing comes out in quick, harsh COUGHS, chest constricting as a panic attack wrapped its tendrils around his rib cage.

" can't — can't breathe. "

#ᴊᴜᴍᴘᴇʀs ᴄᴏᴋᴇ sᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴍᴀʀʏᴊᴀɴᴇ ( MAIN )#ncturebcy

bloodshotkid

the single word, a simple, stupid little fucking WORD, it tore through the mercenary’s heart and elicited a sob from him. it was harsh, bubbling out his throat like a COUGH as he lurched forward, arms tightening their grip around his best fucking friend.

❝ yes. yes, yes, yes. you’re home. i’m home. we’re home. god, FUCK - you’re safe ryan. ❞

nails, bitten down to the quick and BLOODY from anxious biting, softly dug into the taller man’s skin. he needed to feel him in order to believe HIS RYAN was still fucking there.

the tears wouldn’t stop coming, mucus mixing with tears dripping down sunken skin. geoff quietly left.

home home home home.

it echoed in ryan’s head as the older male desperately clung to the younger, tears finally falling after what felt like centuries. a soundless cry ripped from a torn and raw throat - a wheeze at most - and he practically collapsed against ray.

it was as if nothing else truly mattered in the world at that very moment. ray was there, ryan was holding him in his arms. they were together, they were alive. that was what mattered in ryan’s heart.

❝ i was so, i was so, so, so… scared ryan. ❞ words, as broken like he felt, were whispered into dirty blonde hair, too-thin arms wrapped securely around the mercenary’s neck. ❝ i thought i had lost you to him — i — ❞

he broke into a fresh set of sobs, knees growing weak. he fell to them, bruised and bloodied kneecaps hitting the concrete floor — he practically hung onto his ryan now, face buried in his foul scented shirt.

❝ please, please — don’t EVER leave me again. ❞

head shakes back and forth, the silent promise hanging heavy in the air between them. soft breaths puff against ray’s skin, nostrils flaring as he breathes in the familiar scent of ray his ray.

he couldn’t imagine being apart from ray ever again, the mere thought ripping his heart into pieces once more.

❝ can we please... please get back to NORMAL. ❞

to the videogames and the stargazing and the weed and the jokes and the pillow forts and the cuddling and the fake-fighting and the times where ray would show up wearing one of ryan’s shirts, way too big for him, and the times they’d just sit looking out at los santos on geoff’s balcony, and the stupid little heists they’d do, and the silence when they just sat together and cleaned their guns. he wanted to get back to that.

none of this fear and anger and betrayal and angst and sadness and oh god the FEAR.

❝ fuck. ❞

#follow my son's platonic boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!#hes back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴄʀᴏᴡɴᴇᴅ ﹗

ɪɴᴅ | ꜱᴇʟ | ᴘʀɪᴠ ʙʏ ʀʏᴀɴ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ʀᴜʟᴇꜱ ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

bloodshotkid

the single word, a simple, stupid little fucking WORD, it tore through the mercenary’s heart and elicited a sob from him. it was harsh, bubbling out his throat like a COUGH as he lurched forward, arms tightening their grip around his best fucking friend.

❝ yes. yes, yes, yes. you’re home. i’m home. we’re home. god, FUCK - you’re safe ryan. ❞

nails, bitten down to the quick and BLOODY from anxious biting, softly dug into the taller man’s skin. he needed to feel him in order to believe HIS RYAN was still fucking there.

the tears wouldn’t stop coming, mucus mixing with tears dripping down sunken skin. geoff quietly left.

home home home home.

it echoed in ryan’s head as the older male desperately clung to the younger, tears finally falling after what felt like centuries. a soundless cry ripped from a torn and raw throat - a wheeze at most - and he practically collapsed against ray.

it was as if nothing else truly mattered in the world at that very moment. ray was there, ryan was holding him in his arms. they were together, they were alive. that was what mattered in ryan’s heart.

❝ i was so, i was so, so, so... scared ryan. ❞ words, as broken like he felt, were whispered into dirty blonde hair, too-thin arms wrapped securely around the mercenary's neck. ❝ i thought i had lost you to him — i — ❞

he broke into a fresh set of sobs, knees growing weak. he fell to them, bruised and bloodied kneecaps hitting the concrete floor — he practically hung onto his ryan now, face buried in his foul scented shirt.

❝ please, please — don't EVER leave me again. ❞

continued // @selectmute

❝ ‘m here, buddy. ‘m here… ❞

he wraps his arms around the man’s chest, forehead pressed against the crown of the mercenary’s head. ryan was seated in a chair, legs temporarily strapped to it with zipties to keep him from hurting himself, or others.

there was a visible shake to the boy’s stance, fear gripping at his heart that those strong hands might wrap themselves around his throat again, squeezing the very last breath from his lungs.

he was scared. he was TERRIFIED.

all ryan can do is hold onto ray for as long as physically possible. his heart ached for what he could barely remember - the fear and pain that tore through him was the only remnant of what had occurred. from how ray was acting, ryan knew he had fucked up.

pulling back a little, ryan’s trembling hands lifted and signed at ray, blue eyes softening as recognition seeped further and further into a damaged mind.

‘home?’

the single word, a simple, stupid little fucking WORD, it tore through the mercenary’s heart and elicited a sob from him. it was harsh, bubbling out his throat like a COUGH as he lurched forward, arms tightening their grip around his best fucking friend.

❝ yes. yes, yes, yes. you’re home. i’m home. we’re home. god, FUCK - you’re safe ryan. ❞

nails, bitten down to the quick and BLOODY from anxious biting, softly dug into the taller man’s skin. he needed to feel him in order to believe HIS RYAN was still fucking there.

the tears wouldn’t stop coming, mucus mixing with tears dripping down sunken skin. geoff quietly left.

continued // @selectmute

❝ ‘m here, buddy. ‘m here... ❞

he wraps his arms around the man’s chest, forehead pressed against the crown of the mercenary’s head. ryan was seated in a chair, legs temporarily strapped to it with zipties to keep him from hurting himself, or others.

there was a visible shake to the boy’s stance, fear gripping at his heart that those strong hands might wrap themselves around his throat again, squeezing the very last breath from his lungs.

he was scared. he was TERRIFIED.