food war, souma said. shokugeki, erina thought.
this is easily one of the best one-shots i have ever written prove me wrong
The second Yukihira barged into Erinaās office at Legislation belting out that old Tokyo Karan Koron song they were both humming during the freshman hell camp when he accidentally knocked her over, the first seat knew she was in for another shokugeki. He held court in the hall with Alice and Kurokiba for ten minutes before prancing gleefully into the office; the fact that she couldnāt hear a single word of their conversation was quite concerning indeed. When those three were within fifty meters of each other, it was usually louder than fucking sonic bass. As much as she loved quiet, silence from Yukihira Souma and Nakiri Alice was usually not a good thing.
āYo, Nakiri! Whatās up?ā
āYukihira-kun, itās two in the morning,ā she reprimanded.Ā āWhy the hell are you not doing your paperwork?ā
āLetās have a food war in two days,ā he continued, ignoring the question. āLast one of the semester.ā Theyād had ritual shokugekis at least once a week since the beginning of their third year, usually for trivial matters like relegation of paperwork ā now since when did she think Elite Ten work was trivial? Goddamn that lazy Yukihira! ā and lunch. Never their seats. Erina wished she could say he had finally learned his place, well under her royal station, but she knew he was already too busy reviewing all his Michelin-starred job offers to pay attention to high school chair placements and shit.
It was funny to think he pretty much had the whole damn culinary world begging for his presence and yet he was on the verge of failing his French Language and Culture seminar because he was using a goddamn Paris travel guide from the Elite Ten Archive as his textbook. She couldnāt blame this on him, thoughāconsidering the fact that Saiba-sama sent him roughly six thousand yen a semester forĀ ābasic needs and shit, figure it out if ya wanna surpass me, ungrateful bratā, she was surprised Yukihira could even afford his prized bargain eggs.
Their shokugeki record currently stood at 42-15. Erina had relinquished a few wins just for his prideās sake, not that he had any pride to start with. But never once had he called it a food war. She decided that he mustāve had a few too many shots of espresso that day. Caffeine did some weird shit to him occasionally, and heād been drinking way more coffee than he shouldāve due to the continuously growing stack of paperwork heād procrastinated on.
āYou already know youāre losing, right? Whatāre the terms? And whatās this for?ā
āGather a faction,ā he replied. āWeāll each head a group of six members total and have a rentai food war. The theme will be āwar zone.āā
āWar zone? Alright, thatās new. Sounds fun. Whatāre we wagering?ā
Yukihira didnāt miss a beat. āI want to take you out on a date over semester break.āĀ
WHAT!? Now since whenā!?
āYou donāt mind, right?ā he asked, and Erina was surprised to see how anxious he looked. Now that was a first. Yukihira Souma, flustered?
Erina flipped her hair over her shoulder in an attempt to hide her blushing. āI mean, itās not like I will lose, so I acquiesce. Letās see. What do I want from you? Ah. If, no, when I win, I want you to have all your paperwork done by the Friday after the shokugeki.ā
Yukihira ran his tongue over his lower lip and picked at the knot of his headband. āAlright, thatās a deal. See you tomorrow, Nakiri. Prepare yourself and your faction for our rentai food war.ā
āYou mean rentai shokugeki.ā
āRentai food war. Team Yukihira will be me, Alice, Kurokiba, Yoshino, and Mimasaka.ā
āYou know thatās only five people, right?ā
āMy bad! Five people per faction.ā
Erina was slightly confused that he hadnāt tried to get Hayama or Takumi. He would need them all if he were to win against her in a shokugeki, especially now that sheād have team members on her side as well. āIf thatās the case, I highly doubt itās going to stay Team Yukihira for much longer. I will be looking forward to the shokugeki with Team Denmark Nakiris. Now leave. Your presence here is disturbing me. I have to finish this stupid proposal. Any chance of you doing it for me?ā
āNah, Iām heading back to the dorm. I have a shokugeki first thing in the morning. Night, Nakiri.ā
Throwing a sultry grin over his shoulder, Yukihira sauntered out of her office, and Erina listened as he bumbled down the hallāNight, Kurokiba! Alice!āand accidentally knocked over a coatrack in the lobbyāOw! Fuck!ābefore she heard his scooter zoom past the Legislation building.
-
Let the record show that the first seat had had her doubts about the legitimacy of this particular shokugeki starting from the moment he called it a food war, but when Yukihira and company emerged from the ingredients warehouse with nothing but a load of tomatoes and a covered shopping cart, Erina knew for sure the shit had hit the fan. She and her factionāHisako, Hayama, Megumi, and Takumiāhad begun preparing an elite gourmet emulation of a military ration meal, but before long, Team Nakiri was just watching what in the sam fucking hill Team Yukihira was doing.
Alice dropped the tomatoes into her centrifuge and soon enough they had a few dozen vials of that weird liquid umami sheād debuted in the Autumn Elections back in freshman year. Then Yukihira yanked the canvas sheet from over the shopping cart and revealed ten gigantic Nerf water guns.
Holy shit. Erina groaned. War zone. I shouldāve known.
And when the heiress to the Nakiri kingdom and future queen of the culinary world found herself being pelted with liquified tomatoes, she and her carefully organized, elite faction were utterly helpless, which was kind of a letdown considering the fact that they were all holding razor-sharp knives and other potentially hazardous cooking utensils (ladles could be dangerous!) while Team Yukihira was armed with literal plastic toys. Of course, Kurokiba was wearing his bandana, but his berserk mode could only look a certain degree of threatening when he was venting fire, bellowing at the top of his lungs, andāwait for itāblasting the shit out of Hayama with two hot pink water guns.
Erina took the beating with all the dignity she could muster and contented herself with promising that Yukihira Souma would not live to see another day.Ā
Or, maybe sheād go out with him first. What the hell, sheād have all the time in the world to annihilate him afterwards.
