She called her ex-fiancee a few days ago to ask for help because the rental car she has is getting too expensive for her. The ex said she gonna give her a car that her father used to drive. She also asked her ex fiancee to come over to her house and do her hair. She'll be bringing over the dog they once shared, too. I can't believe she would invite her to our home that we shared. Of all the people to ask why her???? She has so many hairstylist in her family, and she even used to ask me to do her hair. I know I shouldn't care, and I know it's not my home anymore. I did ask her to wait til I was gone before she brought her over there because I just knew that it was inevitable. She still loves her, and because of that, I will never be a priority to her. Plus, I don't make enough money for her to take me seriously as a partner. She said she's scared of my financial instability, and if anything happened to her, we wouldn't be good, and if anything happened to me, it would all be on her. I can understand that, and I wasn't hurt by that comment because I would want to date someone who was financially secure and had a stable set income as well. I wish I could be that for her. I wish she wasn't hung up on her ex. I'm glad she has someone she can depend on. I'm just sad it's not me. It makes me feel jealous that I can't do her hair the way she wants or give her a car. I feel like she's trying to turn me into her ex-fiancee, though. I need someone to take care of me. I want someone to take care of me. She did in the beginning, and now she's stopped. Don't introduce something you can't maintain. Her period just started, so I will give her grace with that I know she suffers a lot with this and that I can be annoying the way I complain all the time. I just wish she made me feel secure and important in her life so I wouldn't have to question and complain about everything. I offered to come over on the day the ex-fiancee comes to do her hair, and she said that I don't have to because she doesn't need a babysitter. Her aunt is staying there, so hopefully she'll be there with her during the visit. I wonder if she'll call me to let me know or if she will just have her niece's back. I know she will. I can't blame her if she does. That's her blood. I just hope they don't have too much fun together. I hope they don't go in our bedroom. I hope they don't kiss or have sex or rekindle anything. I bet they text and talk on the phone all the time now, and that's okay because she's not mine. Maybe she's hers. She told me I'm the current gf, and that's her ex-fiancee, so I have nothing to worry about current. lol like, yeah, there is Def an expiration date for us. She claims that the girl is dating someone else. I just want to meet her. I just want to talk to her, and i feel like I'll get some peace of mind and be able to bow out gracefully. I don't even know what I'm saying. I need a hobby. I need to mind my own business. I'm way too idle. That's why I'm so consumed with this. Like at the end of the day, she doesn't even have all the qualities I want in a partner or treat me the way I want to be treated. This is my first lesbian breakup so this is probably why it's so hard for me but also confusing because she broke up with me but then still calls me baby and tells people I'm her girlfriend but also she didn't call me in nearly two weeks. I'm so confused. I don't want to be confused in my love life or any aspect of my life, and I hate how much this is affecting me. Also, my dog has projectile diarrhea, and I spent my morning cleaning up poop. She won't eat or drink and just sleeps. I'm scared. Honestly, I can't afford to take her to the vet. Plus, I have no car and no license. That doesn't make me a loser. I'm just on my way, you know. I don't want to be a burden to her or anyone else. It feels like I'll never love another, but I know I will one day, some day. God, please mend my broken heart and remember all the reasons why it wouldn't work and why it's not working now. Please help me!!!
