Iām straight as an arrow. Everything about a woman turns me on. I have known this since I was in kindergarten. Kindergarten, consequently, is about the time I began in that kindergarten sort of way to assert my dominance on the world around me. I of course didnāt realize that was the case, but only on looking back over the years do I understand thatās what was happening.
If I wasnāt straight..if I was gayā¦would I have come out of the closet and been true to what I was at the core of my being? I like to believe that I would have. I like to believe that I would have had the courage and the strength to not live as huge a lie as pretending to be something which I was not. I will never have to pass that test.
I have, for some years now, held the belief that we do not chose our sexual orientation. I certainly did not. I just knew, always knew, that I was attracted to girls at first and women as I became a man. How is it any different for gay men and women, or even bisexual men and women? They are discriminated against still today, for what boils down to being born into a minority.
Here is my point. How many of us in the BDSM lifestyle talk openly about our lifestyle and the choices we make in it? I believe that we are what we are, gay or straight, male or female, dom or sub. I think that perhaps we are refined in our formative years by the experiences we live through, but the kernel of what makes each and every one of us what we are is there within us at birth. I think about a wolf pack, but I look at my family pet. A boxer. Youāve seen his pic in this blog. I wasnāt there to pick him out of the litter, my son did that. I donāt know how he was with his brothers and sisters, but he is not an alpha. He just isnt. He always adopts a submissive attitude with each and every other dog he has met. Thatās fine with me, since it keeps the fighting down.
I think much the same thing happens with people. I donāt believe one can learn to be truly dominant. Itās a charisma, a force, a sense of self. I believe one can chose to behave submissively. I mean, even Doms have bosses we have to listen to, right. But again, I think to truly BE submissive it comes from within. Itās just what you are.
So BDSM is how we express our sexuality, and that is a choice. Or is it? If you crave to be under a dominants control and at the core of your being nothing else will satisfy that need of self, have you lost the option to choose? Or have you become slave to your own submissive need.
But unless you are walking your sub down a crowded street by a leash, itās quite simple to keep your BDSM in the closet. Many if not most people donāt really talk about what goes on in the bedroom. I learned this in my early 20s when I had a gay male coworker. We became fairly close and had many deep conversations on smoke breaks. He put it to me this way, āyou donāt picture what I do in bed and I donāt picture what you do in bed, and after that we are just two guys talking and smoking.ā He was right.
I think that is whatās wrong with people who are anti-gay. They canāt get over picturing those two men or women in bed. People can be so stupid.
So back to the BDSM closet my wife and I are in. We donāt go to a party and go, āYeah, I like to tie her with rope and flog her tits and ass and fuck her with a plug in her ass! What? You donāt do that too? Why not? No its not sick itās what we doā¦what do you mean I need to leave???ā I wouldnāt shy away from the conversation, but I donāt bring it up either. Our parents donāt know and why should they? Our siblings donāt know what we do, but then, I donāt know what my siblings do.
I guess itās like religion and politicsā¦not topics to bring up in polite conversation. Come to think of it, itās kinda comfy here in my BDSM closet. At least there are cool toys here.
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