she can’t even imagine how ro must feel . she doesn’t want to try, either, but that seems insensitive to even think, so kayla quickly swats the thought from her mind and wraps her arm a little tighter around the other girl. SIMPLY PUT , DEATH SCARES HER. she doesn’t like dwelling on it or all the unanswered questions surrounding it, not when she’s got so much untapped life within her, so kayla moves to pour all her energy into making ro feel better so they both don’t fall down some sort of weird black hole. whether she likes it or not, her father has always been there for her. sometimes kayla wishes he wasn’t, what with the way he takes her trophies and passes them around as if it’s his name engraved on them, but that off - kilter kind of pride is better than nothing at all. she thinks if someone she knew, someone she loved, ever died ( and the day will come , she’s just been lucky so far. ) she would think about them forever. no grief could ever last long enough, no grave could ever be DEEP enough to bury the love she was left with nowhere to put. no, kayla doesn’t know the feeling, but maybe that’s how ro feels about her dad. and that’s all she needs to stay put.
❛ you’re my sweet spot. if you’re happy, we’re all happy. got it ? ❜ she gently taps ro’s nose for emphasis, her tone very matter - of - fact, just like everything else about her. kayla flashes her a small smile before looking back at the television. a moment passes before a grimace overtakes her, before she realizes that she really hasn’t been paying attention to … whatever this movie is at all. ❛ … but hey, so like, why do you like this movie so much ? all the outfits are super cute, super vintage. ❜ a last ditch effort to save herself some embarrassment. that, and to hear ro talk about something she loves. this time, kayla will be sure to listen.
Ro had a missing piece. Something that in all fairness should have been there. A part of her that she wasn’t herself without. Or so that was how her grief could make her feel. Although it seemed that way at times, her loss wasn’t something that defined her. Shaped her, for sure. Cut away at her silhouette so that when held up to light, her shadow cast a form completely new.
This newness was something she was learning to adjust to. And she really did feel like with time it was getting easier. It used to feel impossible. When she lost her father, it felt like she lost everything. He was made of love, and without him it felt like she had none left. But eventually she was able to see how much love could still be found in the people around her, and that her father’s love wasn’t really lost, but it was left behind for her to find when she needed it.
Her father left a lot of his love in Cily, and when she moved away to Boston, Ro felt like for every step she and her sister took forward, she’d taken two steps back. She felt like she was alone again. But Ro had been better prepared for her loss this time around. She knew all of love’s favorite hiding places.
She found love in her friends. Her girls. In Kayla, and Tanya, and Naomi, and yes -- even Carrie. She found love tucked under Kayla’s arm, snuggled into her side and pressed into the couch in her own living room. She found love in the sound of Kayla’s voice, and in the soft tap to her nose, and in the kind way her friend at least pretended to be invested in the film Ro so enthusiastically insisted they’d watch together.
She smiled. “It is cute, isn’t it?” This was one of the first movies Ro remembered ever watching, and back then, before she knew that much about film, the pretty costumes and beautiful set design were things that made her want to watch it over and over again. “That’s actually why I liked it so much at first. And eventually it became one of those things that gets more and more special each time you watch it, I think . . . and I don’t just mean, like . . . there’s more things you notice or pick up on that make it more interesting -- even though that’s absolutely true. I mean -- each time I watch it, I make a new memory. Like right now -- this movie means even more to me because you’re putting up with it -- and you even just let me totally talk over the most important part.”
turnnoffyourmind
blakekathryn
theartofmadeline
ellievsbear
yousharknotpass
