Out of context things I said while watching FailArmy! After taking an edible-
(Feel free to change pronouns, or whatever else!)
“EW, he’s wearing a speedo- WHY ARE THEY ALL WEARING SPEEDOS?!”
“SEVEN YEARS OF BAD LUCK”
“How is he alive?”
“That’s like the McDonalds workers saying ‘you’re a disappointment’.”
“He’s gonna get hurt so bad.”
“Pain times two.”
“OHHHhh my God, he snapped him in the balls.”
“KARMA, little child!”
“Are you tryna kill your dad?”
“That’s that one neighbor’s stray cat that hates him.”
“(In a deep voice) Somebody’s going to die tonight~”
“Why were they dancing around the car? Were they having a party?”
“That’s such a nice house tho”
“‘Cause it’s oooooOOHHHH no-”
“That looks like a fancy Texas wedding.”
^ My friend: “I wanna have a fancy Texas wedding, but I’m too broke to :(“
“Oh, it’s overrrr- ya gotta turn on another one.”
“It’s a turkey! He has EVERYTHING wrong with him.”
“Oi, what you doin’?”
“Predator becomes prey…”
“A ski lift? I remember falling off one of those!”
“Ohh my God he just lost his job”
“*dramatic gasp* That was MEAN!”
“The pain…”
“Why was it alive?”
“I’m sorry-… wait, keep laying on my feet! That was cute.”
“Awwwww what a fail”
“*gasps loudly* His skateboard was the victim, and AND HE WASN’T!”
“Ohhh, that was ALMOST convincing.”
“That just got cringy-er.”
“IT’S A PIG!!! And it looks like a bison!”
“Oh shit… he was trying to be a hero…!”
“Lightsaber power!”
“HER HAIR…”
“Oh no, people are gonna die!”
“Me car’s broke!”
“They always say ‘no one was harmed’. I think everyone was harmed.”
“Why all the nutshots??”
“Oh, I love Jason Aldean.”
“You’re fired.”
“Oop! Get eated.”
“Oh fuck he’s fucked.”
“…that sounds like… OUR logic right now.”
“That looks like [name]”
“The nearest cat?”
“He looks like a furry carrot!”
“*gasp* That’s MY DRESSER- they have the same dresser as me!!”
“Ass smack!”
“Oh, that- that’s not red, that’s pink.”
“UM. WHY’S HE SMILING LIKE THAT?”
“Those eyelids tho”
“Crunchy crunchy!”
“Look at him! Look at his mustache!!”
“Is it pissing?”
“Sharp, murderous toe beans!”
“WHA-????????”
“…Foxy screeeech!”
“Woah… oh my God, a sinkhole!”
“That’s freakin’ me out!”
“That’s, like, the ‘alien’ ringtone on some phones. Loud and earsplitting.”
“He’s the king, of course not.”
“Uh! Rude.”
“N- no, no- cats don’t NEED reasons to be angry! They just fight a lot!”
“THAT’S LIKE A DINOSAUR HISS!!!!!!”
“No, I don’t know where you are. *pauses* Oh, wait, yeah I know who you are.”
“My brain is a rebel, but I’M not. I’m a cowardly lion.”
“Oh my God! He looks feral.”
“Is that a laugh or a fake cry…?”
“What the fffffff-! What was THAT?!”
“That’s not what I thought it was…”
“Open-mouth shower-… [name], that’s scary!”
“Side-eye.”
“Yeet. Oh, ow.”
“Slippy-slip?”
“Uh-oh! Ohhh, that’s not the ‘soft’ snow, either…”
“Even the police car!”
“Ooh, am I having hypoxia…?”
“Bruh, that’s just how people are.”
“He’s talking excessively, like me.”
“Thought that was a Toyota commercial. Oops.”
“Public disgrace…”
“[Name/cat’s name] is, like, the definition of a lightweight cat.”
“Oh! Uh… that was wild.”
“Ohhh, the babies are snuggling, kind of-“
“You just spooked yourself awake!”
“Whoever’s radio someone’s talking in, I think he’s British.”
“It did, like, THREE 360s!”
“My therapist is gonna laugh when I read these to her…”
“Something’s already going on there… oh, not anymore.”
“Oh, what a time to pull back into traffic! …but they DID wait three hours to be rescued…”
“That looked vaguely like teleportation.”
“White Kia isn’t Wiz Kalifa. Misread it. Got it.”
“Heh. ‘Going TOO fast’…”
“Ooh, a snowcloud!”
“QC, Canada…? Oh. Quebec.”
“‘The driver is driving’…?!”
“Teslas are snow leopards now-? What?”
“That name looks familiar.”