teenage fantasy.

blue banks, nineteen. “she was the book that was not written. the sentence that was not scripted. she was the word you wished you could have said.”

[bluesbanks]

jasper-hutchinson​:

“There is truly nothing more humbling than hanging out with a group of grade schoolers. They roasted me so hard even I was laughing at it. I mean who knew kids their age even knew who gumby was?” Josh had spent the day at toy drives and mayoral holiday events and now he was ready to get drunk since his time off started about an hour prior to his arrival at the bar. “Anyway, this next drink goes out to a young dude named Leon who told me so many yo mama jokes I think I should give him a medal for it.” 

“Gumby? That’s brutal. I feel like I should be extra nice to you now, if only to counteract that shit.” Ava gave him a sympathetic smile, trying not to laugh at his story. “Do you want another drink? I’ll get you one.”

[sweetfridays]

ig: hallebailey

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“Yeah, you suck for that.” She was being childish and unreasonable now, but she felt backed against the wall, and if Blue were almost anyone else, Dove would have lashed out in a much harsher manner. The last thing Dove wanted to do after exposing herself was look at Blue. It was strange to admit feelings for someone and the object not to be to shoot your shot, the very pressing question of ‘where do we go from here’ was lingering between them, “Yeah no shit.” She snorted dryly and rolled her eyes, “Cass knows. She’s been really fucking great considering how fucked up that is. The plan was to let this shit run it’s course and go on about my normal life, but we’re here now, thanks to your super fucking awesome ultimatum. Look this is already like super fucking embarrassing for me so you don’t have to like try and figure out some grand solution or let me down easy or whatever the fuck.”

“It wasn’t an ultimatum. You can’t blame me for not wanting to be around that, even if it’s just for the time being.” Suddenly it felt like the world had flipped upside down, and she had no idea what to make of what Dove was saying. Dove had been her immediate person to turn to these days, and she couldn’t help but wonder if there was something to that. But the fact that Cass already knew and it was something worth bringing up to her continued to play on her mind. “It’s not embarrassing. I’m the last person in the world who would ever think that.” She meant it, and despite how surprised she was, she still looked a Dove with the same warm expression she always did. “I should probably go.”

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“Wow…so you kind of suck when you drink, huh?” Blue’s tone might have been casual, but Dove was immediately and fully offensive. “I don’t get why the fuck you would think you did anything wrong if you haven’t actually done anything–you know what, you’re pushing shit that you really shouldn’t be.” Dove thought it was profoundly fucked up that not only was she supposed to make the choice then and now to just let Blue and the state of their friendship fuck off or changing it maybe forever, but that she also was a little wine tipsy which made making a sound choice that much tougher. “I’m fucked over regardless so fine since you’re so damn curious. I keep you at arm’s length sometimes because I’ve got a little bit of a crush on you and apparently I’m very awkward around people I catch feelings for. So thanks so much for dragging that out of me, super cool of you, Blue.” She said sarcastically while she got up and polished off her glass of wine, moving towards her window just to put some distance between them and not have to look at the fallout of her revelation head on just yet.

“I suck for wanting to resolve something going on between us?” She was hoping to find some answers in what Dove was saying, but her defensive reaction only made her more confused. “What else am I supposed to think? It’s not like you’ve been giving me a lot to work with here.” Any emotion written across her face was completely wiped off at Dove’s next statement, and even after she had moved across the room Blue still didn’t know what exactly to say next. “I’m sorry. I had no idea it would be something like that.” She wanted to reach out to her, suddenly feeling bad for making her talk about it at all, but she respected her space enough to stay put. “What about Cass?”

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“I don’t mind that you don’t fuck with it, but I will have to kill you if you tell anyone that I really like that shit.” Dove was taken aback by Blue’s words; she didn’t think the girl was a pushover by any means, but she also didn’t think she was confrontational, and she really didn’t expect to be called out. “We wouldn’t be hanging out if I didn’t like you.” She mumbled, eyes focused moreso on her glass than Blue, trying to figure out what to say to her that wouldn’t blow shit up more than they already were. “Look, I only think good things about you, but I can’t really tell you why I get weird sometimes, just that I’m trying to cut that shit out and it’s all me, not you.”

“Then maybe we shouldn’t hang out like we do until you can.” If she were anyone else, her words would have come across pretty harsh, but she maintained her even, somewhat warm tone even as she said them. Blue took friendship seriously, but more than that, she always made her own peace of mind a priority. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t like having weird energy with someone who’s supposed to be one of my best friends. Especially when that weird energy makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. And even though you say it has nothing to do with me, I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you feel like I can only be kept at arm’s length. But if that’s the way it is, then that’s the way it is.”

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“Pssh no way in hell I give off me thinking of you as a robot vibes.” The ‘your girl’ didn’t trip Dove up this time, but she did look at her for a moment, hiding it behind taking a long sip, “I’ll take it. Regardless, I’ll make sure we don’t end the night sober. But between me and you? I kind  of fucks with Trader Joe’s because it’s mostly random ass snacks that slap when you’re high, and it’s about to be fall so hella apple spice everywhere. I fucks with that heavy. How is everything else going on with you? Am I doing too much if I say that robot comment a little bit ago seemed kind of pointed. You know that’s not what I think about you. I mean I like the positive hippie vibes, like it takes a lot for someone to be as positive as you in a world like this, but I just like you for you, not because of how enlightened you can be or whatever.”

“...I hate apple spice. And pumpkin flavored shit. And anything with cinnamon. And I know what you’re about to say — how could I hate anything? But that just goes to show how passionately I feel about it.” Blue bit back a smile. “I hope I’m not out of your good books forever, but I had to tell you the truth.” She was surprised when Dove started to back track, and she listened intently, trying to figure out why she was bringing it up again in the first place. “Maybe it’s hard for me to tell if you like me period.” Blue was unabashedly honest, with every word leaving her mouth without any hesitation. “I mean, one minute you’re praising me and then the next you’re getting all weird and pushing me away. So no, I don’t know if that’s what you really think of me.”

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“Valid, super valid even, but still weird considering you’re one of the most positive people I know.” Feelings aside, Dove felt she owed a great deal to Blue, as the girl was the catalyst for her making friends with people outside of tracks, friends that she couldn’t imagine not going through her formative years with, Blue included and  Dove tended to support the people she cared about the way they needed without thinking about it, it was just instinct, “ I’m gonna be your first call? Before Dev? I call bullshit, but I get what you’re saying. Went out on the town? Wow…that’s what my folks say when they go on date nights. How does it feel to be 50?” She chuckled, “Amen to that. Two things among the millions of things that get an insane price tag once late stage capitalism enters the chat are art and wine. People legit just make shit up…I almost respect it.”

“I know. It must be strange for you to find out that I’m not the weird overly-positive robot that you seem to think I am. Your girl’s got layers too.” She shrugged, not wanting to admit that she had completely forgotten about Dev for that split second. “You’re the one promising me a fun night. That warrants the first call.” She wrinkled her nose at Dove, shaking her head at herself. “Terrible. Absolutely terrible.” Without meaning to, Blue took a long swig from her glass, appreciating the slight buzz given the timing. “Well, yeah. If you needed any more ideas of weird expensive bullshit, you can head right back into Trader Joes. I’m not hating because you already know I shop there, but the amount of times I’ve gone in there high... Twenty bucks later I’m out with some random snack that I can barely identify and probably didn’t need.” 

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“Yeah exactly, a real world, soul crushing, ‘Mondays amirite?’ type beat.” Dove smiled before taking another sip. “Whatever regardless of how modest you want to be, it’s impressive and I’m rooting for you. If they tell you no, it’s not because of merit.” Dove shook her head, “Pessimism doesn’t even sound right coming out of your mouth, but I’ve got you of course. Whatever you need.” The record store clerk repositioned the glass to hold it the way she saw people on tv do for wine tasting then swirled it around, “So what do you think of the wine? Worth it’s original retail price of $400 per bottle?” 

“It’s not pessimism. I just don’t want to get my hopes up too much and end up disappointed. It’s realistic all things considered.” These more honest, serious conversations seemed to be happening more frequently between them, and truth be told Blue didn’t know what to think of them. But regardless, she couldn’t dwell on her worry for too long, with Dove’s swirling of her wine making her smile and eventually chuckle. “Good. Because I’ll be calling you as soon as I get out at five with an update. When was the last time you went out on the town?” Blue took another sip of her wine before she could provide much of a review. “Not in the slightest. It’s great, but $400? I think the fact that you got it for so cheap is what’s making it taste better.”

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“Nah man, I’ve had a job for forever but you’ll have like a job job.” Dove took a sip then shook her head, “You don’t get ahead of yourself, I’m 100% sold on you’re the best person for the job. Fuck the mold and trust me that I’m well aware of how persuasive you could be. If you’re trying to convince me to not be stoked for you, that shit ain’t happenin’”

“You mean a mostly boring office job? Yeah, you’re right. But my parents run a distillery and a yoga studio so I don’t think what you’re doing is any less valid. I mean, I get to listen to a bunch of old white guys complain all day, while you get to organise records and listen to your favorite tunes all day. Who’s the real winner here?” It was obvious that Dove’s words meant a lot to her, not just because of how sweet they were but they were coming from her of all people. “Fine. But either way, we’re doing something. If they say no I’m going to be depressed enough to warrant more drinks.” 

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“You’re right - that was your ba-bad.” It was hell being as snarky as Dove was, but also being short circuited because of a stupid crush and said crush’s tendency to use the possessive in reference to her, “Uh yeah…I"m a fucking onion up in this bitch.” Luckily, Blue’s news was something that helped melt the tension between them, “No shit, check out the overachiever. Seriously though, blue that’s…you may just be my most mature friend. I’ve got you.” Dove grabbed two glasses and poured one for each of them then handed one to Blue. “How do you want to celebrate once we get the gig. Adults with their shit together don’t throw ragers so you want to have a charcuterie party or some shit?”

"If I’m mature for having a job, then the bar is truly in hell.” She gave her an appreciative smile as she took the glass, initially taking a small sip despite how much her nerves were prompting her to down the entire thing. “Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I have no idea what’s going to happen. You have no idea how hard I had to push just to plant this seed in their heads to begin with. I mean, I work hard and I feel like I could bring something to the team, but other than that I hardly fit the mould of half the people that work there. It really depends on how persuasive I can be in the moment.” 

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“Pssh please, my dad has been dragging me to TJs since I wore sneakers with velcro on them, don’t tell anybody I said this, but some of their shit slaps.” Dove had been trying to be less of a weirdo around Blue to varying degrees of success, but after her last talk with Cass about it she was a little more chill, but they were hardly back to whatever normal was for the two of them, Blue’s touch still had an effect on her though she tried her hardest to act natural about it. “It…gets me drunk and is a only a little sweet so I’m fucking with it. You want me to pour you a glass?” Dove asked, shaking the bottle slightly in an effort to entice.

“Honestly, that’s my bad for automatically assuming you would make fun of it. I should have known my girl has layers.” Despite the odd tension that always seemed to exist between them these days, it normally dissipated as their interactions went on, and she could already feel herself slip back into their usual groove as she smiled and nodded. “Sure. But only one. I’ve got a meeting this afternoon with my boss to see if they can offer me a permanent position in the department. But high stakes warrant a glass of wine to take the edge off, right?”

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“I know I said after the festival that I didn’t want to see another fucking Strawberry anything after the festival but this fancy ass strawberry wine was on clearance for Trader Joe’s prices so fuck it.” 

“Why is it so hard for me to even picture you stepping foot into Trader Joe’s? Only for cheap wine, I guess.” Blue knocked Dove’s side playfully, although considering how weird things had been between them lately, it didn’t feel nearly as natural as it normally did. “Is it any good?”

[bluesbanks]

austin-rapp​:

Austin closed his eyes and leaned into her, just grateful to be held and he let himself rest against her for a moment. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes but he only let a few fall before he pulled back and wiped at his face. “Yeah I think I’ve just been sitting in it for a while. I haven’t really had the energy to fight it or get beyond it. I just feel..tired. Tired of being confused about myself. Tired of being uncertain. And I don’t know, I’ve started to get really insecure about whether or not I’m a good partner for October. I really love her and I really love our relationship but sometimes I just feel like…like in the long run I won’t actually make her happy or actually be who she wants. I’ve never said it out loud but she seems so…I don’t know, so much more at ease when she hangs out with Holden and you should see the way I’ve caught that guy looking at me. Kind of ironic, you know? I mean I think I did him an honor for how I portrayed him.” He took a deep breath, actually feeling a tiny bit better that he was getting some of this off his chest. “Also this is like the least of my focus but I think I want to use he/him and they/them pronouns now. I don’t think I want to change my name again but I’ve been playing around it. I mean I am Austin but Austin also feels like my teenager self that I kind of want to transform. Does that make sense?” 

Blue didn’t know what to say, so instead she just listened, holding him tighter until she figured he might want some space. Everything Austin was saying was more than valid, but it was nothing she could even attempt to fix. She was just thankful that she had gone with her instincts so they could have a moment like this to let it all out. “Have you said any of this to her? I mean, it may not change how you feel, but it could give you some peace of mind that she probably doesn’t agree with you. I can’t see why she would if she wants to be with you, you now?” She nodded before moving back against her bed, pushing forward some of the snacks to him. “Yeah, of course. Even if it didn’t make sense, it wouldn’t matter. It’s you, baby. Your identity, your rules. The most important thing is that you’re as comfortable as possible.”

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

“Hmmm…” Dove pursed her lips, just letting out the non-committal noise trying to not process the tone and teasing for anything less than it was - banter between good friends. “I was roommates with Mal and Leland and all I learned was how to sleep through a ton of noise and music facts.” She smiled, happy that Blue was enjoying the music because regardless of who it was with, there was something personal about sharing what you liked to listen to with someone. “It was pretty good yeah, why am I not shocked that  it’s hard for you to pick though? You know you’re not going to hurt one album’s feelings if  you chose another over it right?” She smirked and leaned back, making herself more comfortable still, feeling herself starting to relax more, thank God. Weird crush shit aside, Dove knew that Blue had to be confused and maybe even hurt by her abrupt exit last time they spoke, and if she didn’t make that right it would eat at her. “Sorry about doing the dip the way I did the last time I saw you. I was just dealing with some shit, it wasn’t on you.”

“All valuable life lessons in my opinion.” She covered her face with her hands as she chuckled, knowing she probably should have expected such a comment from Dove. “Picking favorites among a bunch of things you love isn’t easy. Don’t make me feel crazy for not being able to.” One of the reasons why Blue loved to smoke so much was because it truly cleared her head, and in their gaps of silence she didn’t take it as anything more than that. When Dove finally interjected, she was shocked, mostly because she had never heard the girl apologise for anything, but also because she hadn’t been wrong. Something was up. “It’s okay. I was just worried I had said something to upset you. But we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’m just glad to know that I didn’t.” 

[bluesbanks]

text 📲 blue + javier.

Javi: I mean, you could ask if you did something to make her feel bad and see what she says? I don't think you need to apologize without knowing what even happened though.

Javi: I think you're the only person who would call me their go-to for advice. I love you for that.

Blue: Yeah. I guess I just hate making people feel like shit, even a little bit.

Blue: Not true. And I love you more.

Blue: How are things?

[bluesbanks]

dovemitchell​:

The album wasn’t an overly romantic one, though it was written clearly by a person in love, it was also written by a person who obviously was at peace with themselves, and that was really something Dove was appreciating about the album, especially when she herself was not, it was a nice something to aspire to. “Kind of a tall order when I’m so good at fighting though.” She smirked while she unsleeved the record and gently placed it on the player. “Yeah yeah yeah, doesn’t matter, you can still chill. I’m happy with the environment you cultivated for us.” She dropped the needle and in a matter of seconds, the sounds of a lone guitar and soon Kehlani’s voice filled their space. Trying to let the music chill her out, Dove tried to be as natural as possible when she went over to Blue and accepted the offered blunt, lighting it again and taking a pull. “It might be actually, yeah. Gets me in a certain headspace that I really like. What about you?”

“You are so good at fighting. Just not with me. I’m like your kryptonite, baby.” Blue watched her every motion, mindlessly gazing as she watched each movement, from the record carefully being pulled out of its sleeve to the needle being placed on top of it. “Why thank you. I’d like to think all of that time being roomies with Austin and Javier really helped. When you’re having a circle that many times in a week, you’ve gotta be prepared with the right snacks and music. Although I’ll give you full credit for the latter. Seriously, this is amazing.” She had been taking small gaps in the conversation just to listen, not only because it was amazing, but because when someone showed you their music, Blue knew you had to take it seriously. “I don’t know. I really liked Caprisongs, but I’m not sure if that’s my number one. It’s kind of hard for me to pick favorites.”

[bluesbanks]

text 📲 blue + javier.

Javi: Were you talking about something difficult? Sometimes Dove doesn't do well with deep conversations

Javi: If you don't know what happened what would you apologize for? Maybe she's just having a bad day or something

Blue: Not really. We were just talking about dating apps and shit

Blue: I don't know, I just feel like I should automatically apologise if I make someone feel bad.

Blue: You're probably right. See, this is why you're my go-to.