0326
03/02/18
Exam season has arrived and I’m stressed as hell. Slept less, but am coping. If I can pull all nighters, i can definitely do this.
Applying for a scholarship is tougher than I expected but i hope things will go smoothly. Also, I’m about to join geylang cycling team. Only thing that’s left is the cash needed for the team jersey. Also gotta save up for malaysia trip after exams.
Oh, money woes. Also food woes cos i gotta stop eating… unhealthy food.
Got to call a certain someone(heh) for a good few hours. I’d say right now, i am content, yet i know there is more yet to come.
Only time will tell.
Future haziq if you see this, yo waddup. Faster get your license.
0032
19/02/2025
honestly i forgot i had tumblr until i was spring cleaning my junk folders. Guess it's about time I dust off and start updating.
It's been 7 years since this last entry. 7 long years. Impossibly short and long at the same time. It's been a blur. Where do I start?
All nighters remain the same, just that it's now mainly due to work. Went into the solar industry, learnt quite a fair bit about the electrical side, management side and by extension construction. Baked by the sun during the day, tempered by paperwork at night. I got the scholarship which I forgot the name of, graduated, fucked up, did my time in NS, almost cracked my skull that one time while cycling and tore a ligament in the process, got a job, bagged a specialist diploma, now with another job that is honestly keeping me on edge every damn day. It's interesting to see how much I can take before I crack. Might go for uni if time and money allows.
Went with Chris' racing team, never looked back. Now I have upgraded and went back with a new bike from Argon 18, a bike that has my size. Finally. In the years since the last post, I got a new mountain bike as well, frame courtesy of Chris. Speaking of him, he had stage 2 cancer, but he managed to beat the crap out of it last month while working his job and managing the bike shop at the same time. What an absolute mad lad. I hope us boys can resume riding next month. It's not the same shredding Bukit Timah without Chris.
Vending machine business died about 2 years ago. It was nice while it lasted. Dropbuy was the name. Rest in peace, you were instrumental in getting my career to where it is now.
I passed my driving license a year ago. Finally, after what, 6 years? It's nice to be able to have the freedom to go even further than before. Road trip to Genting? Check. 180km/h? Only for a minute before an Audi overtook me casually. Event in Jurong? Hop in and drive. Just need to unwind and destress? Take the car key and head out for a long drive. Bike shop errands? Drive the shop van. Yo past haziq, you passed first try.
So far, I've been alright, or at least I fool myself into thinking so. Everything has changed, yet some things remain the same. 7 years. I lost the certain someone, and I still struggle with the consequences of my actions to this day. Nothing has been the same ever since. I guess this the ultimate price to pay for what I've done, for the ghosts of the past to come haunt me when all seems too quiet, even after all these years.
I remember her teasing me about me pining for somebody else for years back in school. That was a funny moment for me.
Sometimes it feels like it's yesterday all over again. I think about how she must have felt. It must have felt like pure hell. I'm sorry for putting you through it. I'm sorry you had to bump into me at the interchange.
I hope she's doing better. I hope she got her degree and is successful wherever she is. I hope for the best for her. I hope she's happy. I hope she knows that she's beautiful, even the parts of her that she doesn't like.
May we never cross paths again, and let her live her life without any further reminder of the pain I've caused. May we go on our separate paths because that's for the best. I've done enough damage, haven't I?
I think that's all for this diary entry.
