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@bluewidowchronicles
Place-Anchored Grief: Returning Home
(Note) *Place-anchored grief is when grief is tied to a place. Deferred grief is exactly what it sounds like. I wanted to give these contexts before continuing. A Healing Holiday The holidays have come and gone. I just arrived back at the apartment after two and a half weeks away. Two of those weeks were spent in Florida. It wasn’t the trip I expected, but it was healing in its own way. What I…
Alone But Not Abandoned
Releasing Control I worked a white magic spell a few days ago. Nothing dramatic. No expectation that it would fix anything. Just an intention to release what I can not control and find peace in that knowing. I didn’t expect much to come from it, especially this soon. But yesterday and today have been the most peaceful days I’ve had in the many weeks since Greg left. That doesn’t mean I don’t…
The Ritual of Letting Go and Keeping What Matters
When Home Isn’t a Place Anymore
This morning, I walked through my daughter’s house and caught glimpses of my late husband Eric in photos. Pictures of him, frozen in time. It’s strange how someone who was once my entire world can now feel so far away, like he belongs to another version of me I can barely access. Another lifetime. Another self. There was a time when seeing his face in a photo could split me wide open. Now it…
Living Minute by Minute: How Grief Rearranges Time
Journal Entry I made it to Kentucky yesterday, and for the first time in weeks, I feel like I’m sitting inside a tiny bubble where I don’t have to carry everything. I don’t have Odin and Freija depending on me. I’m not surrounded by reminders or tasks or the weight of an apartment that feels too big and too quiet. I’m here in a space that has always held me gently, and I can feel myself…
The Hole That Was You
The Part That Stayed
When One Loss Reopens Another
Existing in the Echo
Sedona Was Waiting
Their Absence, My Presence
Some mornings arrive differently — heavy, familiar, or impossibly quiet. Grief has a way of circling back, reminding me of all that’s been lost and all that somehow still remains. Today was one of those mornings. This morning I woke with a heaviness in my chest and a sad heart. I remembered the last time we danced in the kitchen. It wasn’t that long ago. I can still hear the song, see his eyes…
Liminal Space
A Journal Entry — Nov 3rd, 2025 Our souls connected in a time and place when I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted or where I was headed. I only knew that I couldn’t continue on the path I was on. Then Greg came into my life and showed me something different—something that felt stable, something that felt like home. Feelings I thought were lost and I would never be able to recapture. Our time…
On Starting Over Again.
Another Chapter Ends
No sugar coating the reality of my existence. I’m living in the aftermath of another relationship cut off too soon. Back in 2020, my husband of 23 years left suddenly in the wee morning hours without any sound or notice. I discovered him the next morning on the floor of the downstairs bathroom. Our love story was over. One thing I knew for sure was that he did not want to leave. We had everything…
Loving After Loss: Learning to Carry Love Forward
Grief is strange. It doesn’t fade on a schedule, and it doesn’t just hurt — sometimes it comforts. My family just celebrated our youngest grandson’s birthday this past weekend. For me, it’s also a time marker—five years of joy with little E and five years without our big E. When he died, I didn’t only lose him. I also lost the certainty and meaning I felt in my life when he was here. His love…
PTSD: Understanding the Daily Effects on the Nervous System
Today, I want to talk about PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is a mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. I was diagnosed shortly after finding my husband passed away. Many circumstances and traumatic events can cause PTSD. In this article, I want to focus on understanding its impact on the nervous system. This knowledge can illuminate the physical and…
Life, Loss and Change
Hi there…well, yeah, it’s been a minute. Change has pulled me in different directions, leading writing to take a backseat. However, journaling remains a constant. I’m on the verge of completing my companion workbook to “The Narcissistic Tangle.” A major life shift occurred recently for those unaware—I moved back to Chicago in September. Reflecting on Change The past six months have been a…