you are my pain divine, divine
Famous!Jeongguk + Non famous!Taehyung
| taekook; Lovesick Fool(s) |
important disclaimer: this is absolutely just for fun, and for me to practice writing. these are real people, and I am completely aware of this!!!!! to repeat: this is just for fun :).
Taehyung brought the phone from his ear until he could stare down at the screen. The name "JK <3" stared at him, almost mockingly. His thumb hovers over the button to call Jeongguk once more but something in him makes him pause.
Why bother calling again when Taehyung knew Jeongguk would have answered his call if he could?
Might as well just wait to hear back from the younger when he wasn't so busy. The group album with the other five members of BTS has really skyrocketed, hitting the billboard top 100 in just a matter of days from when his album released.
Taehyung knows the other members of BTS well enough (such a crazy statement to say about a group as famous as them), and they treat him nicely. He's even really warmed up to Jimin and Seokjin.
Those two tend to stare and giggle when Taehyung and Jeongguk stare at each other for more than five seconds. Or when Jeongguk always has to have a hand on Taehyung (either on his neck, his back, or an arm thrown over his shoulders).
Taehyung sighs and pockets his phone.
He just really misses Jeongguk. His best friend since before they really knew who they were. They've been best friends for so long, and Taehyung knows that being apart from Jeongguk just hurts. It always hurts.
It definitely isn't just because Jeongguk is his friend. This feeling of emptiness that Taehyung feels deep in his soul is because he... he loves Jeongguk. As more than just a platonic friend.
He's in love with Jeongguk.
Like how half the world is.
Taehyung is nobody special. Not like all the famous people Jeongguk surrounds himself with. The people he meets when the group is on tour.
All the different fans who are so dear to Jeongguk.
Taehyung is none of that. All he is is the oldest friend Jeongguk has ever had. Someone who Jeongguk can call and vent when the life of as one of the biggest idols becomes too hard, and he knows Taehyung will never expose to anyone what is said between them.
Yeah, he is important to Jeongguk (he would be too oblivious not to see this). But, he's not more than just an important person in his life. Taehyung isn't the most important person in Jeongguk's life. The love of Jeongguk's life. His other half.
And, he doesn't know how to change that — change Jeongguk's mind about him.
(Does Taehyung really need to, though?)
When Taehyung looks up, he realizes that he's missed a big chunk of the movie. He sighs again, getting ready to restart the movie. For a second time.
Fucking Jeongguk. Making him be this spaced.
He grabs the remote, pressing the buttons to make the movie play from the beginning. In all honesty, Taehyung doesn't care about the movie. He's too worked up over Jeongguk not answering his call. Or the numerous text messages Taehyung had left him.
Must be a really busy day for the group. From what Jeongguk told him, the group was rehearsing all day before the music bank show that they'll have tomorrow.
With it being their first comeback in so long, the pressure is high and all the members can feel it.
They try not to let it get to them, Taehyung knows this, but he also knows that the group desperately wants to show their fans how much they love their support by putting their absolute all into their promotions.
Taehyung's phone buzzes twenty minutes later. It's a phone call based on the never-ending buzz. Basically tearing his jacket from how fast Taehyung tries to get his phone from the pocket, he pulls out his phone and sees who it is.
Just from looking at the name on the screen, Taehyung's heart doubles in speed.
In an instant, Taehyung swipes the button to answer and brings it up to his ear. "Hello?"
"Tae! Sorry I missed your call."
That brings out a smile from Taehyung. Of course, Jeongguk starts the call with apologizing (as he should) even though he's probably so busy, he doesn't have time to sleep.
"It's okay," Taehyung replies, a small smile on his face at finally being able to talk to Jeongguk.
The younger man sighs. "It's not." Jeongguk's tone has lost any playfulness, suddenly going serious. He switches back when he says, "What's up?"
This is where Taehyung hesitates. There was nothing important to tell Jeongguk. Not really. Maybe he could tell the other man about his coworker getting engaged to a man that doesn't treat her right. Or about the office affair happening between the janitor and CEO.
The real reason Taehyung even called Jeongguk in the first place was that he missed hearing his voice.
He decided to lay out his cards. "Just missed you. Wanted to... hear your voice. Make sure you're doing okay."
"Oh," Jeongguk breathes out.
There's a short pause that makes Taehyung start sweating, thinking he said something wrong. It lasts way longer than it should (at least that's how it felt for Taehyung) before Jeongguk finally replies.
Jeongguk's voice is incredibly soft, "I miss you too. You have no idea."
"Yeah?" Taehyung's response is a little vulnerable. It's hard to always believe Jeongguk misses Taehyung that he knew for so long, who don't see each other often, in the kind of life he lives. Sometimes, Taehyung thinks Jeongguk is going to leave him behind.
"Yeah," Jeongguk replies in an instant.
Taehyung wishes he could see Jeongguk's face. See his expression in person.
When Taehyung is about to open his mouth to ask Jeongguk if he's eaten, he hears a voice in the background. He can't make out who it is or what they're saying, but something in his stomach twists at the sound.
There's a shuffle where Jeongguk sqwuaks, and a muffled "hey!" is heard before a voice that isn't Jeongguk's becomes crystal clear.
"Hello, Taehyung!" It's Seokjin's voice, bright and a hint of teasing.
It makes Taehyung chuckle. The knot in stomach unraveling now that he knows who it is. Of course, it's Seokjin who has stolen Jeongguk's phone. "Hello, Seokjin."
"How's it going over there? Oh! I just want talk to him a little bit! Stop hogging your boyfriend," Seokjin cries out.
He can't help but giggle at the shuffling that he can hear over the phone. His face is heating up to be beet-red at Seokjin's teasing of him being Jeongguk's boyfriend. He is most definitely not his boyfriend (despite wanting that). It's probably best to just ignore that.
Taehyung just knows that Jeongguk and Seokjin are wrestling over the phone. He doesn't really know why both of them are so excited to talk to him. He's just Taehyung (even though he has built a solid friendship with the members because he's known them since even before they debuted).
Before he knows it, someone is panting on the line, out of breath. "Gosh, Seokjin can really make his bony elbows hurt," Jeongguk winces, still a little breathless. "Sorry, Tae."
The older man giggles and shakes his head even though he knows Jeongguk can't see him. "No worries. Are the rest of the members there?"
"Yeah, practice just ended, so we're all getting our things to go eat something."
There's another muffled sound in the background. Like someone is talking.
"Oh! Great idea, Jin. You wanna join us, Tae?"
The question makes Taehyung pause. Should he go? He would get to see Jeongguk (and the rest of the group) before they get even busier. But, still, he would be interrupting them. Their group time.
"Taehyung," Seokjin's voice comes through, "Join us."
"We won't accept 'no' for an answer," Seokjin cuts him off. His tone is serious, no longer any teasing in it. Like, he actually wants Taehyung there. Then, after a beat, Seokjin adds, "Nobody is going to mind. We haven't seen you in forever. Come join us."
"Please," Jeongguk adds, voice a little desperate.
Taehyung still hesitates before answering, "I— okay, I'll go. Send me the address?"
"Of course! Meet us there in 30 minutes," Seokjin chirps.
"See you soon, Tae," Jeongguk says.
When he ends the call, Jeongguk stares down at his phone with a small smile. He can't wait to see Taehyung. It feels like his job as an idol has really pulled the two of them apart more than ever before.
Jeongguk doesn't know if it's because BTS as a group has grown in fame. Either way, Taehyung not being part of his daily routine has consequences on Jeongguk's mood.
(All of the members are aware of this.)
Just a few minutes of talking to Taehyung has Jeongguk's shoulders relaxing, tension bleeding out of his neck.
"Yah, you are so love sick," Seokjin murmurs, poking Jeongguk's bicep to get his attention back to the present (and away from Taehyung).
Heat blooms in Jeongguk's cheeks. "Shut up," he hisses. Jeongguk doesn't understand what Seokjin is talking about. Him? Love sick?
(The other members are discussing loudly amongst themselves on what they want to eat, so Seokjin takes this time to talk some sense into their youngest member.)
Seokjin starts off slowly, as if he's trying not to spook a deer. "I think you should maybe think about it."
Jeongguk's eyebrows furrow. "About what?"
"Telling Taehyung how you feel." Seokjin's words are firm. No ounce of teasing anywhere, which somewhat scares Jeongguk more than anything else. How serious Seokjin is.
The oldest member is typically not without his loud laugh that makes all the members smile or giggle along. Or without some joke to ease any tension in the room.
All Jeongguk can do is blink at the other man.
The other members turn their heads to look at the two, curious glances among them all. Seokjin waves them off, eyes daring them to try to ask what they're talking about. Namjoon notices, gaze a little heavy on Seokjin before he nods, and gets Yoongi's, Jimin's, and Hoseok's attention back to his phone where they've been looking at the closest restaurants near them.
(Seokjin could kiss Namjoon for helping him keep attention off Jeongguk. He really would. Amongst other reasons.)
Jeongguk's heart is beating so fast, it's scaring him a little. "I—I don't know what you're talking about."
Seokjin doesn't give him any looks of pity. He looks calm, collected, and as if he will hold Jeongguk's hand through some sort of epiphany he thinks Jeongguk should be having. His eyes are full of warmth that makes Jeongguk feel just the tiniest bit better. "I wasn't going to say anything. I swear. I was going to let you work this out on your own... but I think you need a little push, Jeonggukie. When you're with Taehyung, you're different. In a good way."
Those words make Jeongguk's head spin. Or maybe the room is spinning? He's not sure anymore. He swallows roughly before speaking, "Different how?"
"You have a different smile. You speak to him differently, too. All soft spoken. It's very cute," Seokjin tacks on (as if to soften the blow). "Taehyung is just... different to you. He's your Taehyung."
"My Taehyung," Jeongguk repeats. He's never uttered those words before.
"And I think you're his Jeongguk."
Taehyung gets to the restaurant early, no BTS member in sight. He opens the door, cool air blasting from the A/C attached to the window of the smallish place. The bell above the door rings, and an older lady comes out from the back and greets Taehyung.
He greets her back, smile on his face because the lady is that nice. When he asks for a table for seven, she doesn't bat an eye and leads him one of the few bigger tables of the establishment.
It doesn't take long for the others to arrive. Taehyung spots them from the big windows at the front. His heart picks up a bit of speed when his eyes land on Jeongguk. The younger man is wearing a Nike tracksuit, blue and cream colored with his hair a bit fluffy.
He looks really cute. Very handsome.
The chair he had chosen makes it so he's sitting at the very edge, but someone can sit next to his left (and of course, can sit in front of him). Taehyung hopes Jeongguk steals the seat next to him.
The group bustles through the door, making a bit of commotion as Namjoon trips over the small step that you have to take before you're officially inside. The leader flushes at his actions, and it doesn't help that Hoseok and Seokjin laugh at him. Seokjin must take pity on Namjoon because he stops laughing and wraps his hand around Namjoon's bicep, smiling gently when Namjoon looks up at him.
(Seokjin may be leading the other man to their table to help him, but he really isn't helping Namjoon's face getting any less red.)
As predicted, Jeongguk does plop down next to Taehyung, but he only gives a shy smile to him. Which is... odd. They haven't seen each other in so long, so long, and all Jeongguk does is barely acknowledge him?
Already, Jeongguk has his eyes on the plastic menu, while the other members start sitting down randomly. Both Namjoon and Seokjin, who haven't let go of each other, sit down in front of him and Jeongguk.
Seokjin reaches over the table and ruffles Taehyung hair, rolling his eyes when Taehyung squeaks at the touch. Namjoon smiles more at Seokjin than Taehyung, but the leader gives Taehyung a small nod, dimples appearing, too.
"Taehyungie!" Jimin cheers, practically jumping up and down on his seat.
"Hi, Jiminie," Taehyung greets back. His smile ends up wide. He really hasn't seem them all in so long.
Yoongi and Hoseok greet him next, one more withdrawn the other but not any less warm. It's kinda hard to believe he's known them when they were fighting tooth and nail for a spot in the charts. Before they all got famous enough to leave him behind more and more.
There's a rustle underneath the table that catches Taehyung's attention. He frowns when he sees Seokjin glaring at Jeongguk, who is still staring hard at the menu. Finally, Jeongguk looks up with a scowl on his face when there's another rustle. The two stare at each other for a long minute, no words exchanged.
He is so very confused, so Taehyung looks to Namjoon for help. The older man only looks as confused as Taehyung feels. They glance at each other before shrugging. Who knows what is going on with Seokjin and Jeongguk on a good day.
But, it seems, that Seokjin wins their silent argument because Jeongguk heaves a sigh and stops glaring at Seokjin.
Just when Taehyung thinks to pick up one of the few menus for himself, Jeongguk turns his body so he's more open to Taehyung.
"So... what are you getting, Tae?"
Just those few words, just Jeongguk looking at him, brings a smile to Taehyung's face. He feels relief flood through his body, warming his fingertips.
Taehyung beams at Jeongguk, huddling closer to the younger man. He bends his head a little, bringing Jeongguk's menu closer to the middle of them.
(There are two things Taehyung misses while he's looking at the menu;
He misses Seokjin huffing in amusement at how easily the two get closer to each other. The way Taehyung doesn't even realize he doesn't need to slide his chair any closer to Jeongguk. He does it because he wants to.
He misses the blush crowding Jeongguk's cheeks, a pink hue settling in. The way Jeongguk has to hold himself still because if he jerks back at the close proximity that has never fazed him before, he will alert Taehyung, which is the last thing he wants to do.)
Dinner turns out to be really great. All seven of them crack jokes, taking turns filling in Taehyung on what happens on busy schedule days. They make him feel included, which has him grinning in appreciation.
They always tend to try to include Taehyung as much as they can.
It's one of the nicest things anyone has done for him. To make him feel like they're not leaving him behind. As if he hangs out with them more than he actually does.
Jeongguk is still being a little off while they eat. It's not something super noticeable, but Taehyung feels the nervous energy Jeongguk is trying to hide from him. Which is weird. Jeongguk doesn't hide anything from Taehyung. Seriously. The both of them have known each for so long that there's only a handful of things that they probably don't tell each other.
But something is definitely eating away at Jeongguk. The younger man hardly looks at Taehyung, only glancing at him when Taehyung asks him a direct question. Jeongguk's touches are practically non-existent. At almost all times, Taehyung wills himself not to blush because Jeongguk has a hand on him.
It's almost as if Jeongguk is scared to touch him. Out of the corner of his eye, Taehyung has seen a few times where Jeongguk reaches out a hand to maybe grip onto his wrist or to maybe smack him while he laughs, but he doesn't. Jeongguk pulls back every single time, smile dropping a little every single time. As if he's suddenly remembering something.
Taehyung has never felt more irritated (not literally, but Jeongguk acting this way to him is making him more annoyed as the night goes on) in his life.
When they finally finish dinner, Taehyung knows what he has to do. He cannot let Jeongguk leave without getting the younger man to either spit out what has him so awkward for, or to at least touch Taehyung in some way. Just so Taehyung knows there's nothing wrong with their friendship.
That's the goal. Taehyung cannot let Jeongguk leave with any other member. And they have to leave alone.
As Yoongi and Hoseok go to the front to pay, and Jeongguk and Namjoon are off to the side murmuring about the schedule for tomorrow, Taehyung pulls aside Seokjin and Jimin for some help.
The three of them are away from the rest of the members and there isn't a lot of time to try to explain everything to Seokjin and Jimin, but he's gonna try.
"Okay," Taehyung starts, quickly glancing to make sure Jeongguk isn't looking at them, "I need your help. I need to talk to Jeongguk alone. He's acting off, and I don't know why. You have to make sure we end up alone, no one else with me and him when we all head home."
"I did notice he wasn't really looking at you," Jimin ponders, head tilted to the side. Seokjin nods in agreement.
"Okay, we'll help," Seokjin adds. Jimin and Seokjin nod at each other. "I'll take Namjoon with me and make up an excuse. Jiminie, can you handle Yoongi and Hoseok?"
"Leave those two to me," Jimin says.
"Thanks, guys." Taehyung bites his lip, feeling anxious now that he has to ask Jeongguk what's wrong. "Something is wrong, but I'm gonna find out why."
"Don't stress too much, Taehyungie. He'll tell you eventually. Jeongguk can't keep anything from you. He loves you too much," Seokjin says. He looks like he absolutely believes the words that come out of his mouth. That he and Jeongguk have this unmistakable bond that can't be shaken just from a somewhat awkward dinner.
Jimin pipes up right after, "Jin's right. There's no way Jeongguk keeps up this act with you. He'll probably die before he lets that happen."
Taehyung shakes himself a little bit. He hopes Jimin and Seokjin are right. That nothing in this world can make Jeongguk and himself be weird with each other. Or awkward.
Noticing how nervous Taehyung looks (why is Taehyung even so nervous?), Jimin wraps his arm around his shoulders. Seokjin leads them out of the restaurant to wait for the others, hoping that the cool, fresh air will help Taehyung calm down a little.
It kinda does. The warmth and weight from Jimin helps him calm down a little.
Not long after, the rest of the group stumbles out of the restaurant. Before anyone can even speak, Seokjin briskly walks up to Namjoon and (once again) wraps his hand around one of Namjoon's biceps. With the help of the small height difference between the two, Seokjin glances up at the leader with a small pout. "Let's go home, Joonie? I'm really tired," Seokjin sighs.
Namjoon flushes bright red but gives a small nod. "Of course." He moves his attention off of Seokjin, glancing at the others quickly. "We'll see you guys tomorrow. We've got a long day. Bye, Taehyung. Cheer us on?"
Taehyung grins. Of course he's gonna cheer them on. He's gonna watch the performance from the office even though he's not supposed to. It has never stopped him before. "Of course I will."
With that, Namjoon and Seokjin start to walk away. The last thing Taehyung hears from the two is who's apartment they're gonna sleep in.
(Taehyung wonders when they're gonna finally get together and become a couple. The tension between the two of them is through the roof. He wonders how the others deal with it 24/7.)
Next is Jimin's turn, who winks at Taehyung. Jimin grabs Yoongi's hand (the two who are actually dating each other after years of pining) and tugs them to Hoseok. "Let's go. Hoseok, walk with us. I need to talk to you about a part of the choreography that is bothering me."
This catches Hoseok's attention. "Bothering you? Jimin, why didn't you tell us earlier! It's the night before we have to perform!"
Taehyung sees Jeongguk about to reach out to the the other members, but Taehyung is faster. He grabs Jeongguk's sleeve and tugs him to walk in the opposite direction, to where his apartment is. "Let's go, Jeonggukie. You can stay over at my place?"
Jeongguk stutters, "I— Well—"
This makes Taehyung's heart sink even further into his stomach. Jeongguk has almost never said no to sleeping over at Taehyung's apartment. The only times Jeongguk has said 'no' is when he's sick or if he has plans he absolutely cannot cancel at all. If he can cancel his plans, he does in the drop of a hat just so he and Taehyung can order takeout that they're not supposed to eat and watch a movie that makes them fall asleep really late.
Why is Jeongguk hesitating? He's never hesitated before.
"Please? I've missed you, Jeongguk," Taehyung whispers. The words get trapped between the two of them, and Jeongguk looks devastatingly handsome under the night sky. Taehyung doesn't know what to pay attention to. Jeongguk's nervous biting of his lip, or the way he finally looks Taehyung in his eyes.
Jeongguk's gaze is nothing short of intense. As if he is fighting an inner war. Taehyung so desperately wants to look inside Jeongguk's heart and mind. To see what is causing him to act this way. To look this way, as if he's in some sort of turmoil.
"Okay," Jeongguk whispers back.
That one word, those two syllables, makes Taehyung sigh in relief.
"Let's go home," Taehyung says, pulling at Jeongguk's sleeve once more before starting to let go of the fabric.
But, Jeongguk doesn't let Taehyung go far away. The younger man catches Taehyung's wrist before sliding his hand to tangles their fingers, palms sliding together.
That's better. Taehyung sighs in relief in his own head. That's so much better. Jeongguk touching him, looking at him, not ignoring him. Not being hesitant with him.
Finally, when they make it to Taehyung's apartment, they toe off their shoes (Jeongguk's big, black boots never fail to make Taehyung smirk in amusement) and venture further into the place they both call home. The dark blue couch that Jeongguk bought as a house warming gift was beckoning them into the living room. Without any words spoken, Jeongguk lead Taehyung so they could sit down, side by side.
The air felt heavy, tension lined the room thickly, and neither Jeongguk nor Taehyung knew how to stop it. (But maybe, they shouldn't try to. Maybe they needed to let the night carry on the way it's supposed to.)
Ever since walking towards his apartment, Taehyung has been trying to figure out how to approach the topic to Jeongguk. The more he thinks about it, the more Taehyung believes that maybe he is making Jeongguk's weird mood into something bigger than it should be. Everyone has weird lapses in judgement where their actions are odd. Sometimes a person is just tired. Tired from stress or work or anything going on in their lives.
Taehyung guesses that it's freaking him out more than it should because every other time Jeongguk has been stressed, he has vented to Taehyung about it. About his days and about his thoughts and about why he happened to be upset that day.
Nothing. And it's freaking Taehyung out. Just thinking about the touches Jeongguk never completed until he finally held Taehyung's hand on the way over here. Thinking about the way Jeongguk's smile seemed to be dimming more and more as the dinner went on.
No. Taehyung has to get to the bottom of this. There's just no universe where Taehyung would allow his best friend to drown in his thoughts alone.
Nerves beaten away with a mental stick, Taehyung nudges himself closer to Jeongguk on the couch. Their hands are still intertwined, resting on Jeongguk's thigh. The younger man is staring at their hands, seeing the difference in them with Jeongguk's tattoos with stark, black ink and nothing of the sort on Taehyung's. His hands are smooth, maybe a bit dry from the constant need to use hand sanitizer at the office.
"Jeongguk... is everything okay? You've been acting off since dinner." Taehyung bites his lip, dipping his head down to try to catch Jeongguk's gaze (who still cannot look at Taehyung; who's still staring at their hands).
"I'm fine," Jeongguk answers. He's still not looking at Taehyung.
Taehyung bristles at Jeongguk's dismissive tone. Why is he not taking Taehyung seriously?
"No, Jeongguk. You're not 'fine'. Come on, get serious with me here."
"Can we just drop it," Jeongguk mutters. He's squeezed Taehyung's hands once, a little too tightly, before untangling their hands.
The new distance makes Taehyung's heart spasm. Not again. Not Jeongguk acting weird to him again. Distancing himself from Taehyung so easily. Like it's not hurting him as much as it hurts Taehyung. Like it's nothing.
"What's up with you? You're not looking at me. You keep trying to move away from me! I just don't understand what is going on with you," Taehyung shouts.
Somehow, this conversation has taken a turn Taehyung wasn't prepared for. All of his emotions of loving Jeongguk from afar, and then Jeongguk acting weirdly towards him, Taehyung feels his emotions start to boil over.
This wasn't how this was supposed to go. The two of them don't really fight. At least not too often.
"What if I don't want to tell you?! Ever thought of that?" Jeongguk shouts right back at him. Finally, Jeongguk is looking at him but never in a way Taehyung has ever wanted him to.
Jeongguk's eyes are fiery, his face pinched in annoyance, and his mouth set in a firm line. All of this directed at Taehyung.
It shocks Taehyung so much that he doesn't reply right away.
"We don't always have to tell each other everything. I bet there's something you haven't told me, huh?" Jeongguk taunts a little.
Taehyung freezes because... it's true. He's never told Jeongguk that he's in love with him. That is something he's never said. Never outloud. Not even to Seokjin or Jimin who found out on their own without a verbal confirmation from the younger man.
His hesitation doesn't go unnoticed by Jeongguk. The younger man leans back, a bit caught off guard that his taunting was right. "Wait. There really is something you haven't told me. And you're getting upset at me? How is that even fair?!"
No, no. This whole conversation is slipping from Taehyung's fingers faster than the wind can take it. "But— This— This isn't about me. You're the one who's acting weird. Even if there may be a chance that I haven't told you something, at least I'm not ignoring you!"
At that, Jeongguk flinches slightly. His jaw is clenched tightly when he responds. "Why can't it be about both of us? Why do I have to confess what's wrong with me or what I'm hiding from you if you can't even bring yourself to do the same for me?"
Taehyung watches in real time as Jeongguk drops all and any kind of anger or annoyance that he had pent up in his body. As if someone released air from a balloon. It just... made Jeongguk deflate right on the couch that he bought for Taehyung because on the day Taehyung moved into this apartment, he had nothing.
He was barely able to afford the deposit and a couple month's of rent, but this meant he had nothing else. Maybe he had a few pieces of furniture (his bedside table and the coffee table his mother gave to him), but Taehyung still remembers arguing with Jeongguk about that, about Jeongguk wanting to buy everything that Taehyung was missing. Taehyung didn't want that. He didn't want to take advantage of Jeongguk's money or kindness by making him buy everything.
It's why Jeongguk was only allowed to buy the couch even though he had to fight tooth and nail to even do that. In the end, Jeongguk won that fight. He bought him the couch, and he told the rest of his group that Taehyung was having a house warming party. Each member bought him various things (Namjoon bought him a dresser and desk; Yoongi bought him a bed frame; Hoseok bought him a mattress; Seokjin bought him a washer; Jimin bought him a dryer) and it was obvious who was behind the members knowing exactly what Taehyung was missing. Jeongguk told them.
(There was no doubt the members would have bought anything Taehyung needed, but it was Jeongguk who instructed them what to get. What brand Taehyung likes. What colors would match his apartment. Everything.)
Sitting on the very same couch that Jeongguk had paid movers to get into his apartment and where the two of them spent the rest of the night on but instead of any happy memories, they were fighting this time. They were somehow drifting away from each other. Even though they're right next to each other.
Taehyung clenched his fists together, feeling a pin prick of tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. This was not what he wanted to happen tonight. "I can't tell you."
A sharp inhale comes from Jeongguk. "Then I can't either."
Silence came quickly after that. Neither of them was willing to break it.
"I think I should leave," Jeongguk whispers after what has felt like hours for Taehyung.
His heart stopped beating for a second. Jeongguk wants to leave?
"No, no! Just— just stay on the couch. It's late. Jeongguk, just stay here." Taehyung scrambles to say, to try to get Jeongguk to not slip through his fingers so quickly.
Anything to put the brakes on this conversation. He doesn't want Jeongguk to leave. Not this late at night, and not when the tension between them is thick with regret and hesitation. Taehyung can't let Jeongguk leave them like this, especially because Jeongguk is going to get so busy with the promotion of the new album.
With clear hesitation in Jeongguk's body language and facial expressions (which has caused a crack in Taehyung's heart), the younger man nods. "Okay," Jeongguk whispers.
"Okay," Taehyung repeats. "You can sleep in my bed. You have promotions tomorrow so you need a good night's rest."
Jeongguk snaps his head up to look at Taehyung, shock evident on his face. His eyes are a little wide. "You said I could take the couch."
"Yeah," Taehyung starts, waving his hand, "but that was to get you to stay. You need to sleep in an actual bed."
"No, let's just— let's sleep in the same bed. We always do," Jeongguk mumbles, face a little red. Taehyung doesn't know why or from what, though.
They've actually always shared the bed together. Perks of being each other's best friend. The mattress Hoseok bought for him is really nice, all soft and firm in the right places. Even at Jeongguk's place, they share a bed.
It's normal for them. A ritual if it can be called that.
Never has Jeongguk blushed at the idea of them sharing a bed. Taehyung doesn't know what to think about this. A small part of his heart is being a traitor, telling him that Jeongguk is blushing because he likes him. The thing is though, with this part of his heart, he has to ignore it to the best of his ability.
There's no going back for Taehyung if he listens to his heart saying Jeongguk has feelings for him like the way Taehyung has for Jeongguk. He can't have this affect their friendship. He can't have Jeongguk ever being awkward around him because of Taehyung's feelings. He doesn't want to lose the rest of the members either.
"You're okay with that?" Taehyung asks, one of his hands going to rest on Jeongguk's knee. He rubs Jeongguk's knee in a comforting manner (he hopes so, at least).
"Yeah, yeah of course," Jeongguk swallows.
"Okay, come on. You take a shower first and then I'll take one after. Let's get ready for bed, hmm?"
Jeongguk hums his answer at Taehyung. He doesn't say anything after that, and Jeongguk only gets up from the couch when Taehyung does and follows him to the bedroom that they both know like the back of their hands.
In his bedroom, Taehyung has a drawer that is filled with Jeongguk's clothes because of how much time Jeongguk spends here. It really is the second home for the K-Pop idol.
(Sometimes, when Jeongguk is overseas and they haven't seen each other in a really long time, Taehyung will wear the younger man's clothes. They may not smell like Jeongguk because Taehyung washes the clothes with his laundry detergent, but it doesn't matter to him. It's the fact that he has a little piece of Jeongguk with him, on him, while the other is too busy chasing his dreams. He's never told Jeongguk.)
When they're both in bed, a sliver of space between them that feels as wide as the ocean, as clear as the bright, blue sky during the day, Taehyung aches.
He aches and he aches and he aches.
He aches for the few hours ago when he didn't ask Jeongguk what was wrong. When Jeongguk mildly blew up on Taehyung for asking him, trying to force it out of him.
They don't even look at each other as they both turn their backs so they're not facing the same way.
Not knowing it, but they both find it hard to sleep that night.
Jeongguk rubs his temple once more at Seokjin's loud voice. He's in one of the company cars that he requested to pick him up from Taehyung's apartment. Ordering an Uber felt too risky, and when he texted his usual driver, there was no hesitation to pick him up.
"Yeah..." Jeongguk mumbles into his phone. He's still sleepy, having left Taehyung's apartment right before his alarm clock. With careful precision, Jeongguk had slipped out of the bed.
One of the hardest things he's had to do. Taehyung was still sound asleep (he was such a deep sleeper) and the comforter was pulled all the way to his shoulders, and his face was squished adorably into the pillow. Any other time, Jeongguk would have snuggled into Taehyung's arms, content to have his nose buried into Taehyung's neck. This time, though, he just can't bare to be near the older man any longer.
His heart still aches from last night. He can't get their argument out of his head. And, what the heck could Taehyung be hiding from him? What couldn't Taehyung tell him?
"Let me get this straight," Seokjin starts, "you go to Taehyung's apartment and when he asks you what was wrong, you yelled at him? And then, to add to this whole shitshow, you left him this morning without saying goodbye?"
"You're making it sound really bad," Jeongguk whines. He leans his head back on the seats headrest and tries not to wallow in pity.
"That's because it is really bad," another voice pitches in. Of course, it's Namjoon.
This day could not get any worse. Not only has he fucked up the most important relationship in his life, but now more people know about it.
"Sorry, Ggukie. I didn't mean to wake Namjoon up..."
An alarm bell goes off in Jeongguk's head. "Did you guys sleep in the same bed?"
This isn't weird. The members sleeping in each other's bed when needing some sort of comfort. But something about the way Seokjin says it feels like the two sleeping in the same bed weighs more this time.
"Maybe, but that's not the point, Jeongguk! You need to apologize to Taehyung and make this up to him. You also need to tell him how you feel," Seokjin says.
There it is again. Seokjin telling him that he needs to confess to Taehyung about his romantic feelings. Jeongguk doesn't know if he can do it. If he can spill out his heart and guts and brain and expose it all to Taehyung. Just the thought of Taehyung knowing an inkling of Jeongguk's feelings has him feeling instantly cold, stomach tightening in knots.
"I don't know if I can. I don't know. I just— how do I do that and not get my heart broken," Jeongguk asks, breath getting faster and faster.
Oh gosh, he needs to calm down.
"Jeongguk, can I ask you something?"
Even though Seokjin can't see him, Jeongguk nods anyways and mumurs a quiet 'yes' into the phone.
The question puts Jeongguk off his axis a little bit. It feels random, but Seokjin isn't mean enough or evil enough to ask a question that means nothing in such a serious conversation.
"Of course," Jeongguk replies truthfully. Every single one of his members, he trusts wholeheartedly. They raised him even when they were just children too.
"Then trust me when I say you won't get your heart broken. Trust me. Take a breather and when we're done with promotions today, you need to talk to Taehyung. The more you let this sit the way it currently is, with all this hesitation and frustration, the worse it'll be," Seokjin says.
Jeongguk is quiet for a little bit. He tries to process Seokjin's words, the confidence the older man has in his own words. In a weird way, Jeongguk calms down. He trusts Seokjin, and if he is saying these words, he must believe them. There has to be a reason why he is so confident, and it makes a little jump in Jeongguk's heart. A semblance of hope in those words.
"Okay. Okay," Jeongguk repeats with a bit more confidence. "I can do this. Tonight, after we're done, I'll talk to Taehyung."
The words make Jeongguk's cheeks heat up a little bit. Gosh, Seokjin can be so embarrassing sometimes. The switch-up from wise Seokjin to one who teases him is a bit of a whiplash.
"Ah, Jeongguk, text Taehyung right now. Don't leave him questioning. Especially because someone left his apartment without telling him anything," Namjoon adds on. "We won't hang up until you do."
Namjoon and Seokjin don't hang up the phone until Jeongguk confirms that he sent Taehyung a message about talking later. He won't tell the other two men but Jeongguk's hands were shaking slightly as he tapped out his message to Taehyung. Because this text is the first step to confessing to someone he is deeply in love with.
Putting his phone into his jacket pocket, Jeongguk leans back onto the seat and releases a long sigh. There's a noticeable shift in the air. Jeongguk doesn't know if he should feel scared or hopeful.
It's closer to midnight when Jeongguk has finished promotions, gone home to take a shower, and paced a hole in his floor from nerves.
He should have been at Taehyung's place some hours ago, but he wouldn't bring himself to go just yet. It didn't help that every time Jeongguk thought about Taehyung, his sad face from last night was seared into Jeongguk's brain. A flash of the older man would occupy his thoughts, and it made Jeongguk terrified.
Terrified that he's making the wrong choice of telling Taehyung his feelings. Terrified that Taehyung will let him down gently because there is no world where Taehyung is cruel to him, at least not consciously.
Jeongguk doesn't know if he can bear rejection. Especially not someone like Taehyung, who has been his rock for about a decade. The one person he has (besides his members) who understands him from his head to his toes. The person he spills his soul to over and over again because he knows his secrets and thoughts will be cared for by gentle hands and fingers.
There's probably no other word to describe how he feels about Taehyung other than 'comfortable'. Maybe that's not romantic, but in a world where Jeongguk is a global musician, it's something he puts on the highest pedestal. Something he longs for, craves for. To him, it is romantic. He's so comfortable with Taehyung because he knows he can picture himself loving Taehyung for the rest of his days alive.
For a person who hasn't known how long he's been in love with Taehyung for, Jeongguk has taken leaps to get to the point he's at. To not freak out like he just was yesterday when Seokjin dropped a massive bomb in his lap in the practice room.
Even though it's only been a day or so, Jeongguk no longer feels like freaking out, or going hysterical, because it just makes sense in his brain now. As if something clicked into place.
Yes, he loves Taehyung. Simple, easy to say now (to think in his head and go 'Yeah! I always have been, huh?').
So, he stands in front of Taehyung's building like a lovesick fool, and crosses the two front doors that opens into a lobby. He finds himself in the elevator that leads up to the fourth floor. Then, he finds himself in front of Taehyung's apartment door.
Felt like in one blink, he was there. Just a few feet away from Taehyung, the love of his life.
Jeongguk brings his fist up to the white door and knocks. The sound echoes in the quiet hallway, and, not to be dramatic, but Jeongguk swears that those few seconds it takes for Taehyung to open the door are the longest in his entire life.
When Taehyung opens the door, hesitantly, peeking his head as if to really make sure it's Jeongguk who's standing in front of his door so late at night, Jeongguk freezes... because now what?
He has to go through confessing his feelings. He should go through with confessing his feelings. He wants to. There's hope in his chest that Taehyung could love him back.
The older man stares at Jeongguk for some time, looking Jeongguk up and down, before settling on looking him in his eyes. Taehyung looks... nervous. Scared. As if he already knows what Jeongguk is going to say.
Who wants the person they're in love with to be terrified to see them? Jeongguk sure doesn't.
Taehyung opens the door wider, steps back, and gestures for Jeongguk to enter his apartment. All of this is done silently, and Jeongguk feels awkward crossing the threshold even though he has never felt that way the entirety that Taehyung has lived in this apartment.
"So..." Jeongguk starts, as the two of them settle on the couch like they did just last night.
"So," Taehyung parrots back. Now that Jeongguk is looking with more focus on Taehyung, he notices that the older man is wearing one of the hoodids Jeongguk has left here.
This... this sparks a burst of faith that maybe this entire situation will go more in his favor than not. Maybe it is just a sweatshirt to Taehyung. Nothing of significance, merely a piece of fabric that keeps Taehyung warm on cold nights.
But for Jeongguk? He sees it as the potential of more.
"Is that my sweater?" Jeongguk blurts out, pointing at the black, oversized hoodie that swallows Taehyung (because it also swallows Jeongguk's frame).
Taehyung quickly glances down at his attire, and then the most wonderful thing happens. Jeongguk witnesses Taehyung blushing. The pink hue is sudden on Taehyung's checks but no less wonderful. The blush makes Taehyung look even more beautiful because it was caused by Jeongguk.
He's still nervous even if he now has the courage to spill what has made him so dramatic since yesterday. Jeongguk grips the hem of his dark gray, long-sleeved shirt, toying with the thread that has come undone slightly.
"I wanted to talk about yesterday. About why I was so frustrated about the questions you were asking me," Jeongguk says. For the life of him, he cannot look at Taehyung. He just can't. He keeps going, despite the fact he's burning a hole through the floor. "Before dinner yesterday, right after you called me actually, Seokjin had given me an epiphany, I guess. He— He called me a love sick fool."
Jeongguk pauses, taking a quick breath. He can't see Taehyung's expressions because he still refuses to glance at him. Should it be this terrifying?
"He told me I was a lovesick fool for you. I was so confused. I had no idea what he was talking about at first. Jin basically had to spell it out for me that I was in love with you," Jeongguk huffs a laugh at the end.
Jeongguk's heart is beating exceptionally fast, but still. He doesn't look at Taehyung (who is frozen in place). "That's why I was acting weird with you at dinner. Because Jin had given me a lot to think about."
Before Jeongguk could go any further, Taehyung clears his throat. "You're— You're in love with me," Taehyung gasps out.
"Well, of course, I am. I mean, I just figured it out yesterday, but I think my body and heart has always known. It's been yours this entire time. It was just my brain that needed to catch up," Jeongguk confesses.
"Stop. Just stop. Stop talking."
Jeongguk heart sinks to his stomach and then it drops to the floor, bloody, where it spasms. Oh fuck. Maybe Jeongguk read this entire situation wrong. Fuck.
But then, like the beacon of light Taehyung has always been in the messy ride that Jeongguk's life is, the older man yanks Jeongguk's arm to bring him closer. So much closer.
"You really love me? You're not just saying you love me like a friend. But that you love me as more than that— as more than a friend?"
All Jeongguk can do is nod and whisper, "Yes."
"Oh, Ggukie. I love you, too," Taehyung whispers back, tears forming along his lower lash line, threatening to slip down his face any second now. "That's the one secret I've been keeping from you. I never, never would have thought you would feel the same."
Taehyung covers his face with the one hand that isn't clenching Jeongguk's arm desperately. "I thought you would never feel the same because I thought you would find someone better. Someone more like you."
The turbulence that has been knocking Jeongguk's brain around his head suddenly stops. He feels giddy, elated at the fact that Taehyung loves him back, but this makes him pause. "Someone more like me? What does that mean?"
Jeongguk watches how Taehyung's throat bobs when he takes a harsh swallow. This time, it's Taehyung who can't look at the other while he lays out the inside of his mind. "You know, someone you meet while on tour or something. Someone who knows the idol life better than me and can relate to you."
"No. Taehyung, no," Jeongguk says, tone desperate. He can't have the older man continue to think like this. No way. "Every time I'm on tour or I'm— I'm with another idol, I'm thinking about how many more hours there is before I can come home to you. I'm thinking about how I wish you were there with me. Or about how I rather be here, in your apartment, with you. I'm always thinking of you, Tae," Jeongguk says, tone softer but no less firm as he went on.
That breaks a small smile out of Taehyung, who puts his hand back down that was covering his face to rest on his lap. Jeongguk notes with stars in his eyes, how Taehyung's blush is even more fierce than before. It's so pink, so soft on his checks, and Jeongguk traces with his eyes how it goes down to Taehyung's neck. How the pink paints Taehyung as the prettiest person Jeongguk has ever seen.
It doesn't take long before the two are giggling, the force of their laughs making them lean in towards each other.
"Can I kiss you?" Jeongguk asks when their giggles die down, and the two are left with staring deep into each other's eyes.
One word is all it takes for Jeongguk to close the small gap between them. Their lips touch, softly at first, maybe even a bit hesitantly.
They've been friends for long that maybe this seems a little weird at first. Feels a little weird that they're kissing, but then it doesn't.
Almost as if by the snap of someone's fingers, Jeongguk leans into the kiss even more, adding more pressure. Taehyung huffs out a small breathe, before tilting his head slightly so the angle is better.
This is what Jeongguk has been missing from his life. Taehyung's plush and smooth lips against his own that are a bit more chapped than they probably should be (since he's the idol).
Not wasting another second, another minute, Taehyung slides his arm that had been gripping Jeongguk's arm until it lands on his nape, holding him there, anchoring the both of them. Taehyung's large, cold hand is grounding, and Jeongguk moans a little when Taehyung starts playing with the short hairs there.
They break apart at the sound, and before Jeongguk can do anything else, Taehyung climbs into his lap, a knee on either side of Jeonggunk's hips, and this— this is even better.
"You're so hot," Taehyung whimpers, voice breathless and everything feels so warm.
Jeongguk's hands land on Taehyung's hips, gripping them so desperately, he knows there will be bruises there if he keeps this up (which he will if Taehyung wants him to).
Taehyung looks pleased at the compliment, eyes brightening under the light of the living room lamp. Taehyung's other hand catches Jeongguk's cheek, his thumb brushing back and forth on the high point of Jeongguk's cheek. He moves his fingers until they trace Jeongguk's lips, pressing down just the tiniest bit. Taking this opportunity, Jeongguk presses a soft kiss on Taehyung's thumb.
The older man hums, leaning down, down, down until he's kissing Jeongguk again. This kiss is even better. Their lips move more comfortably, and Taehyung's hands are resting on his shoulders, and Jeongguk thinks he can finally die happily, with no regrets.
His own hands on Taehyung slip underneath his hoodie and reach warm skin instantly because Taehyung isn't wearing a shirt underneath. Jeongguk groans, touching Taehyung's skin, grabbing at his waist. Jeongguk's hands are big enough to encompass Taehyung's waist, his fingers on one hand almost touching the others.
They break apart again because Jeongguk thinks he's going to die before they go even further. He voices these exact thoughts, "You're going to be the death of me, Tae."
The smirk Taehyung sends his way is so attractive, Jeongguk thinks he is already in heaven, living out his dreams. "We've barely started, Ggukie," Taehyung replies, voice so low and so sexy that Jeongguk is going to pass out.
He's never heard Taehyung like this, and the thought makes him breathe harder.
But, his breathing stops completely when Taehyung detaches himself from Jeongguk's grip and lap to drop to the floor on his knees, right in between Jeongguk's legs. Taehyung's hands are so big and are finally warm, and now they're resting on Jeongguk's thighs, gliding back and forth. Even through his sweatpants, Jeongguk feels like he is going to implode.
"Can I blow you?" Taehyung asks, glancing up through his pretty, pretty, pretty lashes to look right into Jeongguk's eyes. His hands haven't stopped rubbing Jeongguk's thighs.
All Jeongguk can think about is how this is right right where he wants to be.
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