stay in my arms (until everything in this world changes).
son seungwan x reader.
synopsis: seungwan walks you home. under the streetlights, through familiar and undetected backroads, you talk about your past, and life — one last time.
notes: based off of 'walking at night' from persona - i randomly got this idea and wrote it in the same night so the idea isn't as fleshed out as i wanted it to be😭
cw. mentions of death.
tags. angst, major character death, idk how to tag i'm sorry, ghost!wendy, grief and loss
“yn-ah,” seungwan whispers, her fingers intertwined with yours. “you look tired.”
you hum as you lift your head, eyes squinting at the glittering streetlights above. “i'm just thinking,"
the streets are quiet at this hour— cafes and small stores which were once bustling with local people grew silent, with the occasional chirp of a cricket from the bushes. the light from the moon is soft, illuminating seungwan's face in a way that makes you stare at her in awe. she smiles back at you, gripping your hand tighter in hers as she continues walking.
it's hotter now; the days are longer and unbearable in the way they cause you to sweat and toss and turn as you try to sleep. but the nights are cold— cold in a way that soothes your irritated, sunburnt skin and kissed your face with every gust of wind.
seungwan’s not usually this quiet.
she's usually chatting your ear off about anything, really, whether it be a new movie she watched lately, or whatever you're having for breakfast tomorrow — she was never really one to stop talking once comfortable. you stare at her back— her hair is shorter, cut to her mid-neck, her clothes are freshly ironed, and her stride is confident yet soft.
seungwan’s perfume overwhelms your senses— violet, magnolia with hints sandalwood. it's soft, just like her. she laughs, melodic and quiet. “you should've worn a jacket. you look cold.”
you shake your head. “i'm not, i swear.”
her eyes meet yours. in the pale moonlight, seungwan smiles. “do you remember our first date?”
you nod, still following her as she dragged you through the dim-lit streets. “it was around here.”
“good. you should.” seungwan pauses. “remembering is good. it keeps us alive.” you turn your head to look at her, urging seungwan to continue. she doesn't. only looks at you with those bright eyes and leads you towards stairs.
her hand is cold.
the woman next to you stays silent for a while, before clicking her tongue. “i don't think people want to die.”
the silence between you is charged, heavy— unnatural. until she speaks. you expect seungwan to talk about how her day’s gone. not whatever that followed.
“my sister was having a hard time, i remember.” seungwan continued, dragging her feet over the pavement. “but she endured all that time in the hospital because she didn't want to die.”
you stay quiet, unsure of what to say as you look i'll up at the streetlight ahead.
she hums, sensing your mood. “i promised myself that i'll resist life when i die. i'll accept my death.”
she chuckled again, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she stopped in her tracks and turned to you.
“why are we talking about this?” you question, furrowing your brows.
“about what?”
“about death,” you pause. “it's gloomy.”
a thick blanket of silence falls over the two of you as the powerlines hummed and the wind blew in your faces. suddenly, seungwan speaks again.
“because i'm dead.”
you turn to look at her, cautiously.
“did you forget?”
another wave of silence washes over you as you ponder what to say— just what would be appropriate in this situation? a gust of wind blows past you, ruffling seungwan's hair and causing you to hug your hoodie closer to your body.
you nod slowly, swallowing thickly. “i remember now.”
seungwan stares into your eyes, unblinking. your hand trembles as the light above flickers. lip quivering, you sniffle, feeling hot tears prick the sides of your eyes and wet your cheeks. “you… you did..” you mumble. “you died.”
she reaches out, cupping your face with both hands as you quietly sobbed. “hey, don't cry.” seungwan chides softly. “why are you crying? you're making me sad.”
why are you crying? you don't even know the answer to that yourself, you think as you gaze into seungwan’s brown eyes. pity. you're mad at her. she died— she died and left you here all alone, but you couldn't even hate her— how could you?
seungwan was your first love, the woman who you had dated for six years. the one you shared your dreams, your life, a home with.
the one that left you too soon.
and you realise that you'll never feel her soft locks tickle your neck as you slept in each others’ arms; never feel her warm hands against yours or hear seungwan’s voice sing lullabies whenever you couldn't sleep. not anymore.
because seungwan was gone.
and she wasn't coming back.
her clothes are still folded neatly in the hamper, for a day she would never live to see—her makeup pouch still lies on your vanity. the record player she bought on impulse sits atop your shelf, collecting dust.
you cant bring yourself to move it.
shes quiet again.
“do you realise you're in a dream now?”
you look back at her, humming. “you're not real, then?”
seungwan looks into your eyes as she tilts her head. “i am.”
“well, i'm not alive, so maybe i'm not.”
she hums. “i feel like i'm slipping away. i just wanted to see you, one more time, before i fully disappear.” a smile. one that doesn't light up her eyes completely. “so i used your dream.”
you blink, biting the inside of your cheek.
the short haired woman exhales, slowly moving her hand back to clutching yours. “i heard that when you wake up from a dream, you would barely remember it.”
a low sound escapes your throat as you rest your forehead against seungwans shoulder. “what's the point, then?”
she smiles again. “remembering isn't important.”
“the important thing… is that we can be together like this again.”
before you even get time to respond, seungwan tugs your hand again, urging you forward. for a while, the only sound from the two of you are of deep, synced breaths and shoes clumsily dragging across the pavement before seungwan begins to hum quietly— you recognise the song— her favourite; the one she would sing to you softly as she rubbed your back when you couldn't sleep.
the understanding between you transcends words as you walk in silence, your hands still intertwined. it's comforting, you think. though it's merely a dream, getting to hold seungwan’s hand one last time brings you peace. you are the first to break the silence this time. “i don't want to let you go. i wasn't ready.”
seungwan squeezes your hand a little tighter. “i know.” she nods. “that's why you're dreaming of me.”
“do you dream of me, too?” you mutter, rather foolishly.
she laughs, it's quiet, carried by the wind. “...dead people don't dream.” came her reply.
seungwan tugs you forward, and now you recognise that she has brought you home, the familiar steps to your door coming into view. she smiles bitterly. “i have to go now.”
feeling tears welling up in your eyes once again, you turn to her, your eyes wide and your chest tight with longing. “will i see you again?”
only now do you realise she’s crying, too. she wipes your eyes like she's always done when she was alive, kisses your temple. “i don't know.” seungwan grows quiet again. “but you shouldn't.”
you sniffle, breaking eye contact as you stare down at the pavement, your shoulders wracking with sobs. seungwan rubs your back as you feel her tears dripping onto your hair. “you need to learn how to walk without me. i'm still here.”
“seungwan,” softly, you call out her name.
she nods in understanding, pulling you in for one last kiss. it's slow, filled with resignation and tears. after what feels like eternity, seungwan pulls away from you, looking into your eyes once again. “goodbye,”
with a hand on your door, she twists the knob and turns around, waving at you with a small smile as you disappear inside.
“i'll wait for you.”
you don't realise that shes crying, too.
—
when you open your eyes next, theyre already watery. your cheeks are wet and your lip is swollen. sitting up, you stare at the empty spot in bed and you bite your lip in attempt to muffle your cries.
the bed is exaclty how she left it weeks ago — the pillows on her side haphazardly arranged on the mattress.
on the bedside table lies a polaroid picture of you and seungwan.
bringing your knees to your chest, you bury your face in your hands, hunched over as sobs wracked your entire body.
✧.* SYN: you didn’t know how you ended up in the situation you found yourself in, you didn’t know when you had started loving as hard as you did, nor when she had started hating just as hard. maybe it wasn’t hate, but it wasn’t love. maybe if you were a boy, it would’ve been love.
✧.* 18+
in the quiet moments of life, when the world seemed to blur at the edges and the noise of everyday chaos faded into a distant hum, there was a time when having that one true friend felt like the most profound of blessings. it was as if the universe had conspired to place a beacon of light in the path of your journey, a steadfast flame that illuminated even the darkest of nights. not just a companion, but a reflection of the truest parts of oneself—someone who understood the unspoken language of your soul.
in her presence, there was no need for pretense. the masks worn for the world were cast aside, revealing the raw, unfiltered essence of who you were. she saw you not as a collection of faults and frailties, but as a masterpiece in progress, a soul worthy of love and respect. the beauty of her companionship lay in its unwavering reliability. no matter the storm, no matter the upheaval, she stood by you—a pillar of strength when yours faltered, a reservoir of calm when your heart was in turmoil.
together, you shared the subtle joys of life—the quiet satisfaction of a shared silence, the comfort of knowing glances, the unspoken understanding that words could never fully encapsulate. with her, even the simplest moments took on a golden hue: a walk through a park became an exploration of the world’s wonders, a shared meal transformed into a sacred ritual, and laughter—oh, the laughter!—was a melody that lingered long after the echoes had faded.
in her presence, you found the courage to dream and the strength to pursue those dreams. she believed in you when you struggled to believe in yourself, offering a hand to lift you up, a shoulder to lean on, and a heart that beat in sync with yours. her friendship was not just a connection, but a lifeline—a reminder that even in the vast expanse of existence, you were never truly alone.
looking back, the memory of that friendship was like a warm embrace, a cherished relic of a time when life’s complexities were softened by the simplicity of true companionship. it was a time when you knew, with absolute certainty, that no matter what the future held, you had been blessed to experience the beauty of having a friend—a true friend—by your side.
joohyun had always been your anchor in the storm, the quiet, composed presence that kept you tethered when life felt like it was pulling you in every direction at once. even as children, when your world revolved around scraped knees and backyard adventures, joohyun was the one who kept you grounded. she was the kind of girl who never lost her cool, who knew exactly what she wanted and never wavered in her pursuit of it. you admired her for that.
she was the opposite of you in so many ways. where she was serious and composed, you were carefree, often impulsive. you leapt before you looked, chasing after whatever caught your eye without a second thought. and yet, despite your differences, she never made you feel small or foolish. if anything, she seemed to find your antics amusing, a quiet smile playing on her lips whenever you dragged her into yet another one of your wild schemes. you liked her just the way she was—quiet, steady, always a little bit mysterious. and she didn’t mind you either. you were her sunshine in the rain, a burst of light in her more subdued world.
she was there for you in every sense of the word. when you fell as a child, bruising your knees on the pavement, she would scold you for being careless even as she carefully cleaned your wounds, her touch gentle and sure. it was a ritual between the two of you—your recklessness, her quiet care. she was the one who eased you through the tumultuous years of puberty, when your body and mind seemed at war with each other. she never judged you for the confusion, the frustration that bubbled over in those moments when you didn’t quite know who you were. instead, she listened, her calm presence a balm to your troubled thoughts.
when you came out, stumbling over your words as you tried to explain something you barely understood yourself, she was the one who made it simple. “you’re no different from me,” she had said, her voice steady, her eyes warm with understanding. “we breathe, we eat, we live. why would you be ashamed of your heart?” in that moment, you had never felt more seen, more accepted. it was as though she had lifted a weight from your shoulders, giving you the courage to embrace who you were without fear.
joohyun was always there for you, a constant in a world that was anything but. and even when life took you to the other side of the world, to the states for work, that bond remained unbroken. the physical distance never seemed to matter. you were used to calling her at odd hours, checking in to make sure she was eating properly, that she was taking care of herself. it was a habit born of years of friendship, one that neither of you ever questioned.
but this time, it was different. you were in the middle of a meeting, your mind focused on the endless stream of tasks that came with your job, when your phone buzzed with an incoming call. you didn’t even need to look at the screen to know it was joohyun. she knew your schedule by heart, knew when you were busy and when you were free. that she was calling now, in the middle of your workday, meant something was wrong.
her words, when you answered, were stark, devoid of the usual warmth that colored her voice. “my mother died,” she said, the words falling like stones into the silence between you. there was a pause, a breath where you struggled to process the enormity of what she had just told you. and then, in that same flat tone, she added, “there was a fire.”
the details came in disjointed fragments, each more harrowing than the last. her mother had been alone in the house, a house that joohyun had worked so hard to make a home. she had left the stove on, a simple mistake, and fallen asleep. by the time joohyun returned, there was nothing left. the fire had taken everything, reducing the place she had grown up in, the place where she had cared for her mother, to ashes.
the first thing she did was call you. she didn’t ask you to come, didn’t plead for your help, because she didn’t have to. she knew, with the same certainty that had defined your friendship for all these years, that you would come. you always did when it was for her.
and so, you booked the first flight back to korea, your heart heavy with the knowledge that this time, it was your turn to be her anchor, to be the steady presence that she had always been for you. as the plane took off, you stared out the window, watching the world below grow smaller and smaller, and thought of joohyun, alone in the aftermath of her loss.
you had been apart for so long, each of you building your lives on opposite sides of the world, but none of that mattered now. what mattered was that she needed you, just as you had needed her so many times before. the memory of her voice, so calm and composed even in the face of tragedy, echoed in your mind. you knew that when you saw her, she would still be that same joohyun—serious, composed, always in control. but you also knew that beneath that facade, she was hurting in a way she had never hurt before.
and you would be there for her, just as she had always been there for you. you would stand by her side, through the grief and the pain, through the long nights and the endless days. because that was what friendship meant—being there, no matter what, no matter how much time had passed or how far apart you had been. you would be her sunshine in the rain, once more.
the plane jolted as it touched down, pulling you abruptly from the cascade of thoughts that had been swirling in your mind. you couldn’t quite grasp the exact contents of those thoughts—they were a tangled web of worry, hope, and anticipation—but you knew they all revolved around her. joohyun. how you could help her, what the first step would be, how you would even begin to approach her after six long years apart. the thoughts clung to you like a persistent mist, following you even as you gathered your luggage, your senses taking in the familiar sights and sounds of korea. the country’s beauty was as unyielding as ever, its landscapes and cityscapes a comforting reminder of home.
but then, you saw her. she was standing near the arrival gate, her presence immediately recognizable even from a distance. you noticed her long before she spotted you, and in that instant, all those tangled thoughts seemed to evaporate, replaced by a single, clear realization: korea wasn’t the only thing that had remained beautiful. joohyun had changed in the years you had been apart, yet she was still the same in so many ways.
she had grown taller, taller than you at least, and the once slight frame of the teenager you had known had matured into that of a woman. her black hair framed her face in a way that accentuated her features, and though her expression was as composed and unreadable as ever, you knew she was hurting. even so, when she finally noticed you, her eyes betrayed her, lighting up for just a fraction of a second. a smile, small and fleeting, touched her lips, but she quickly tucked it away, maintaining the calm composure she was known for. she slipped her hands into her pockets and turned toward you with a measured nod, a subtle acknowledgment of your presence.
you didn’t hesitate. how could you? the handle of your suitcase slipped from your grasp, forgotten as you broke into a run. you closed the distance between you in a heartbeat, your heart pounding in your chest, not from exertion but from the overwhelming emotion that surged through you. the moment you reached her, you threw your arms around her, rising onto your toes to bury your face in the familiar curve of her neck. for a heartbeat, she seemed frozen in place, her body stiff against yours. how long had it been? six years since you last saw her, standing in this very airport, waving goodbye as you left for the states. you had changed—grown taller, perhaps prettier—but as you held her, it was clear that some things hadn’t changed at all.
you hugged her just as you always had, with all the intensity of someone who had been holding on to their memories for far too long. and then, slowly, she hugged you back. her arms wrapped around you in that same calm, steady way, and you could feel her relax into the embrace, allowing herself to absorb the warmth she had been without for so many years.
when you finally pulled back, your face broke into a broad smile. “i missed you so much,” you whispered, the words tumbling out with all the pent-up emotion you had carried across oceans and time zones. she scoffed softly, her eyes flicking to yours, and you saw the faint blur of tears in your vision. “i can’t believe you’re crying,” she said, her voice light but with an undertone that spoke of something deeper. she paused, and in that moment, there was a tenderness in her gaze that you rarely saw. “you haven’t changed at all.”
her words tugged at something in your heart, a mix of warmth and a sadness that threatened to spill over. but she held it together, even as the sight of your tears seemed to break something inside her. you shook your head and wiped your eyes with a small, resigned sigh. “you’re so cold,” you joked, your voice a little unsteady but filled with affection. “you haven’t changed either.”
a small smile curved her lips, a smile that was all the more precious because it was so rare. without another word, you both turned to retrieve your suitcase from where it had fallen, and as you walked back together, side by side, you felt the weight of all those years apart begin to lift. there was still so much to say, so much to do, but for now, it was enough to be here with her. just like old times.
the drive through the familiar streets of korea felt like stepping back into a dream you had almost forgotten. the air was thick with the scent of home, a mixture of city life and something more intangible, something that spoke of all the memories you had left behind. you leaned out the window, letting the breeze play with your hair, your eyes drinking in the sights you hadn’t seen in years. everything felt the same, yet different—like revisiting a childhood haunt and realizing you’re not the same person who once walked those streets.
your thoughts drifted, slipping into the past, to all the moments you and joohyun had shared in this very city. the streets were filled with ghosts of your younger selves, echoes of laughter, of late-night talks, of dreams spoken in hushed voices. you were so lost in the haze of nostalgia that you barely noticed when the window began to close, the glass rising slowly until it was halfway shut. the abruptness startled you, and you whipped your head around to see joohyun, her fingers still on the button, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips.
“a warning would be nice next time,” you scowled, half-serious, half-amused.
she chuckled, the sound low and soft, a quiet expression of the emotions she kept tightly guarded. you could see it in her eyes, in the way her shoulders seemed lighter than they had been in the airport. despite everything she had lost, despite the crushing weight of her grief, she was happy to have you back, more than words could ever express. and perhaps that was why she didn’t say anything at all, letting the silence between you speak for her.
as the car continued its journey through the city, you leaned back against the seat, turning to face her. “you must be going through a lot,” you said gently, the words careful, cautious. you didn’t want to break her, but you couldn’t ignore the pain you knew she was holding inside. you watched as her face, momentarily softened by your presence, grew distant once more, a shadow passing over her features. “i’m sorry i wasn’t there,” you added, the apology hanging in the air between you like an unanswered question.
she shrugged, her gaze fixed on the road ahead, her expression unreadable. “not your fault,” she replied, her voice steady but detached. “you had work.” you frowned, knowing she was trying to shield you from the guilt, trying to make it easier for you to accept that life had pulled you away when she needed you most. but it didn’t lessen the ache in your chest, the regret that gnawed at you. “everything’s gone, isn’t it?” you asked, the words slipping out before you could stop them.
“the house is gone,” she answered, her voice dropping to a cold, emotionless tone that sent a shiver down your spine. her face hardened, her jaw tightening as she paused, a bitter smile flickering and dying as quickly as it had appeared. “but i’m not sure about everything else.”
a sprinkle of hope sparked within you, a fragile, flickering flame that there might be something left—something worth salvaging from the wreckage. “let’s go to your place first,” you suggested, your voice infused with a determination you hoped would give her strength. then, more gently, you added, “you’ll stay with me until we find you a new place.”
she nodded, her eyes still glued to the road, her hands gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. you knew this was a heartbreaking experience for her, more than you could ever truly understand. the loss of her mother, the destruction of her home—it was a devastation that would take years to heal, if it ever did. but selfishly, you couldn’t help wanting her close, wanting to keep her with you for as long as possible. perhaps it was your own fear, your own need to hold onto the one person who had always been your anchor.
the moment you reached the house, or rather, the charred remains of what once had been a home, joohyun’s face remained a mask of unreadable calm. but as you caught a glimpse of the scene in the rearview mirror, your own composure shattered. the sight of the blackened skeleton that was once her house, her sanctuary, hit you like a physical blow. a gasp escaped your lips as you fumbled with the door handle, stumbling out of the car before joohyun had even unbuckled her seatbelt. you rushed toward the yard, your breath hitching as you took in the devastation.
it was all gone. the house, the memories, the warmth that had once filled this place—it had all truly burned down. the structure was a ruin, a husk of twisted metal and ash, standing like a ghost in the pale light of the day. you felt a deep, aching sense of loss as you recalled the times you had spent here with joohyun and her mother. you remembered the afternoons spent sharing homemade cookies, the evenings where laughter filled the air, and even the night you shared your first sip of alcohol under the watchful, yet understanding eyes of her mother. these were moments that had seemed eternal at the time, woven into the fabric of this place. but now, they had vanished as if they had never been, reduced to nothing more than smoke and ash.
you didn’t even notice joohyun’s presence behind you until her voice broke through the heavy silence. “it’s a mess, isn’t it?” she said, her tone flat, almost detached.
you nodded weakly, amazed at the way she managed to hold herself together. she stood beside you, her gaze sweeping over the ruins with a cold, steady look, as if she had already accepted the loss, as if the sight of it didn’t break her heart anew. you both walked into the scattered remains, your steps cautious, as if you were treading through sacred ground. the once vibrant garden was now nothing but a patch of dirt, the flowers and grass scorched away, leaving behind a barren wasteland. the house, where her mother had once bustled about, was reduced to a skeleton of beams and charred wood. it was hard to tell where anything had been, where her mother had spent her last moments, because everything was gone, indistinguishable from the rest of the debris.
you took it all in, every agonizing detail, trying to grasp the magnitude of the loss, until joohyun’s voice cut through your thoughts. “holy shit,” she muttered, her voice tight with disbelief.
you turned to see her standing in the far corner of what had once been the living room, her frame bent over something small and dark against the ash-covered ground. your heart clenched as you rushed over, dread twisting in your gut. “what happened?” you asked, your voice laced with concern. but as you reached her, you didn’t need an answer. the sight before you told the story in heart-wrenching clarity.
there, half-buried in the soot and debris, were the melted remains of piano keys. they were barely recognizable, twisted and warped beyond repair, but you knew exactly what they were. they had once been part of a beautiful piano, a gift from her mother, a lifeline for joohyun. it was the one thing that had always grounded her, the thing that had held her together when everything else was falling apart. now, it too was destroyed, reduced to a pitiful pile of warped plastic and charred wood.
“you’ve gotta be kidding,” she scoffed, her voice bitter, filled with a frustration that bordered on anger. she stood up suddenly, her face twisted with emotion, and with a sharp kick, she sent the remains of the keys scattering across the ground. the act was one of raw, unfiltered rage, a moment where the grief she had been holding back finally broke through the surface.
you watched her, helpless, feeling the weight of her pain settle heavily in your chest. “i’m sorry,” you murmured, your voice trembling, but you knew the words were inadequate. they could do nothing to bring back what had been lost. joohyun didn’t respond, her expression blank as she turned away from the wreckage and made her way back to the car. you stood there for a moment longer, staring at the scattered keys, the last remnants of something that had once brought her so much joy. there was nothing left for you to do here, nothing to salvage from the ashes. with a heavy heart, you turned and followed her, the weight of her grief pressing down on you like a physical thing.
the drive back home was steeped in silence, a quiet so profound that it felt almost sacred. you had insisted on taking over the wheel, and joohyun hadn’t argued. she simply nodded, slipping into the passenger seat with an almost mechanical grace, her body sagging against the window. you glanced at her from time to time as you drove, the road ahead a blur of gray asphalt and muted city lights. her eyes were distant, lost somewhere deep within herself, her thoughts wrapped tightly around the remnants of the life she had just left behind.
you wanted to say something, anything, to ease the tension, to pull her back from whatever dark place she had retreated to. but the words felt clumsy and inadequate in your mouth. still, you couldn’t stand the silence, so you spoke softly, hoping your voice might reach her. “don’t worry too much about it,” you murmured, your eyes fixed on the road ahead.
she didn’t respond, her gaze remaining fixed on the passing scenery outside the window, her reflection barely visible in the glass. you bit your lip, realizing that your attempt to comfort her had fallen flat. maybe she wasn’t ready to talk, maybe she just needed this silence to process everything. so, you let it be, sinking into your own thoughts, the quiet stretching between you like a fragile thread.
when you finally arrived at your house, the familiarity of it brought a wave of unexpected comfort. it was as if no time had passed at all—the same wooden porch, the same door with the paint slightly chipped at the edges, the same sense of home that had always been there. you hadn’t put the place up for rent or sale, too sentimental to let go of the memories embedded in its walls. the house had always been a repository of your past, a place where you had tucked away moments too precious to be shared with the world. it seemed you were more sentimental than joohyun, who had always moved forward with a quiet, determined resolve, leaving the past where it belonged.
she took your suitcase from the trunk as you fumbled with your keys, her movements steady and purposeful despite the exhaustion you knew she must have been feeling. when you finally unlocked the door and stepped inside, the smell hit you first—a mix of wood, dust, and something uniquely yours. it was the smell of home, unchanged by the years. the interior was the same too, a snapshot frozen in time, as if the house itself had been waiting for your return.
joohyun stepped inside and paused, her eyes sweeping over the familiar surroundings. she took a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling with the effort, and you could see a small measure of the tension drain from her. “make yourself at home,” you said softly, watching as she nodded in response, her eyes still distant but a little less haunted.
she walked over to the couch and planted herself on it, her movements slow, almost lethargic. you stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do, before you saw her reach into her pocket and pull out a small box. she fumbled with it, drawing out a cigarette and placing it between her lips. her eyes flickered up to meet yours, a silent question lingering in the air between you. “can i smoke inside?” she asked, her voice flat, almost dispassionate.
you nodded with a small smile, understanding the need behind the request. joohyun had always been a smoker, though only in times of stress, when the world seemed too heavy to bear on her own. you had never liked the taste of cigarettes, the acrid smell that clung to the air, but you understood that this was her way of coping, of finding a moment’s peace amidst the chaos.
she fumbled with the cigarette for a moment longer before muttering a soft, “shit,” her frustration evident in the way her shoulders tensed. she turned to you again, her expression a mix of exasperation and helplessness. “do you have a lighter by any chance?”
you thought about it for a second, recalling the small collection you had accumulated over the years. you weren’t a smoker yourself, but you had always kept lighters around, just for her. joohyun had a habit of half-assing her smoking, never bothering to carry a lighter with her. it had become something of a ritual for you, collecting lighters and storing them in a bowl on the counter, ready for whenever she might need one.
without a word, you walked over to the counter and pulled out a white lighter from the bowl. but before you handed it to her, an idea struck you. You reached into a drawer, pulling out a marker, and carefully wrote her initials—J.H.—on the side of the lighter. it was a small gesture, but one filled with meaning, a way of telling her that you were thinking of her, that you would always be there to support her, even in the smallest of ways.
you handed her the lighter with a grin, your eyes warm as you said, “there you go,” pausing before adding with a playful smile, “now you have your own lighter.”
she took it quietly, her fingers brushing against yours as she accepted the small gift. her face remained unreadable, but there was a softness in her eyes, a flicker of emotion that she didn’t bother to hide. a small, almost imperceptible smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and though she didn’t say anything, that smile said enough.
as you settled into your room, the familiar routine of unpacking your suitcase offered a strange comfort, a sense of returning to something long forgotten yet deeply cherished. you laid out your clothes carefully, smoothing out the wrinkles with your hands as you arranged them on the bed. each garment held a memory, a fragment of the past that you couldn’t help but savor. the room was bathed in the soft, golden light of the late afternoon, the shadows stretching across the walls in long, gentle strokes. you took your time, enjoying the simple act of putting your life back in order after the chaos of travel.
your makeup followed suit, each item placed with precision on the dresser. you smiled to yourself as you laid out the small tubes of lipstick, the compacts of blush, the brushes and powders. the thought of sharing these things with joohyun filled you with a nostalgic warmth. it was just like when you were younger, when you would sit cross-legged on the floor of your old room, giggling as you applied cheap makeup to each other’s faces, or swapped clothes in a flurry of fabric before heading out. nothing had changed, it seemed, despite the years that had stretched between then and now.
you glanced over at the clothes you had neatly stacked on the bed. some were from your suitcase, others you had pulled from your closet. they were a mix of styles, colors, and textures, each piece carefully chosen with joohyun in mind. you wanted her to feel at home, to feel cared for, to know that you would do anything to ease her burden, even if it was just something as simple as offering her a change of clothes.
you didn’t notice her presence at first—not until the faint, familiar scent of cigarette smoke reached your nose. you turned to see her standing in the doorway, the cigarette poised between her fingers, a thin trail of smoke curling upwards. she looked at you, her expression unreadable, but there was a softness in her eyes that hadn’t been there earlier.
a smile tugged at your lips as you gestured to the clothes on the bed. “i figured you’d need this,” you said, your voice light but filled with meaning. “but we’ll have to go out and buy some more.” you paused, suddenly unsure. “is this okay?”
she nodded, her gaze shifting to the clothes as she approached the bed. she sat down on the edge, her fingers brushing lightly over the fabric, tracing the patterns as if trying to commit them to memory. a dry laugh escaped her lips, a sound that was both bitter and amused. “just like old times,” she murmured, almost to herself. it was as if she had plucked the thought straight from your mind.
you nodded in agreement, the memories flooding back with a bittersweet intensity. “i can get the guest room ready for you in a bit,” you offered, your voice softer now, tinged with a nervous energy you couldn’t quite place.
but she shook her head, catching you off guard. “what? we can share clothes but not a bed?” her tone was teasing, a playful challenge meant to lighten the mood, but it had the opposite effect. your breath caught in your throat, a rush of old, buried feelings surfacing unexpectedly. the thought of sharing a bed with her, of being so close to her again after all this time—it was both thrilling and terrifying.
she seemed to notice the change in your expression, her teasing smile fading into something more serious. “if you’re uncomfortable with it, i’ll sleep in the other room,” she offered, her voice gentle, as if trying to soothe whatever inner turmoil you were suddenly grappling with. you were quick to protest, shaking your head as you rushed to reassure her. “no, it’s fine. it won’t be a problem at all.”
she nodded, accepting your words without question, but there was a hint of something in her eyes—curiosity, perhaps, or maybe just a quiet understanding. she stood up, taking the folded pajamas from the bed before making her way toward the bathroom. the door clicked shut behind her, leaving you alone in the silence of your room, the air heavy with the scent of her cigarette.
you sat down on the bed, your hands trembling slightly as you smoothed out the fabric of the sheets. what was wrong with you? why were you so on edge? this was joohyun, your lifelong friend, the person who had been by your side through everything. sharing a bed with her should have been the most natural thing in the world, just like old times.
but as you sat there, your heart beating a little too fast, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed. maybe it was the passage of time, the years that had slipped by while you were apart. or maybe it was the weight of everything that had happened, the loss and the grief that hung between you like a thick fog. whatever it was, it left you feeling unsettled, your thoughts spiraling in directions you hadn’t expected.
you left your room, the silence of the house pressing in around you, each step muffled by the soft carpet beneath your feet. the air was still, the kind of stillness that held its breath in anticipation, as if waiting for something to break the quiet. you walked toward the kitchen, the thought of preparing something to eat offering a welcome distraction from the strange tension that had settled in your chest.
but as you passed the bathroom, something caught your eye—a sliver of light, the door left slightly ajar. it was a small thing, easily ignored, yet you found yourself pausing. without thinking, you reached out to close it, your hand hovering just above the wood. but before you could move, your gaze drifted through the narrow opening, and what you saw made your breath hitch in your throat.
joohyun was inside, her back to you as she stood by the sink. her pajamas lay folded on the counter, and she was undressing, peeling off her clothes with a slow, deliberate grace that made your heart stutter in your chest. the shirt slipped from her shoulders, revealing the smooth, pale curve of her back, each motion unhurried, almost languid, as if she had all the time in the world. you should have looked away. you knew you should have walked away, closed the door and given her privacy. but you couldn’t move, couldn’t tear your eyes away from the sight of her.
the room seemed to shrink around you, the walls pressing in as your mind raced. this wasn’t the first time you’d seen her like this; you had grown up together, had shared everything from clothes to secrets. you’d bathed together as toddlers, innocent and carefree, unaware of the changes that time would bring. but now, standing there with your heart pounding in your ears, you realized with startling clarity that something had changed.
you forced yourself to turn away, to drag your gaze from her and step back into the hallway. your heart was still racing, a wild, erratic beat that echoed in the silence. “what’s wrong with you?” you whispered to yourself, trying to shake off the feeling that had lodged itself deep in your chest, a mixture of confusion, longing, and something you couldn’t quite name. you felt the tension gathering in your throat, the way your breath came in shallow, uneven bursts. you swallowed hard, trying to push it down, to regain some semblance of control as you made your way to the kitchen.
the kitchen was familiar and comforting in its simplicity. the countertops were just as you remembered, the cabinets filled with the same mismatched dishes you had grown up with. you focused on the task at hand, letting the routine of cooking ground you, offering a distraction from the turmoil that had erupted within you. you set about preparing a meal, the rhythmic motions of chopping and stirring soothing your frayed nerves.
but no matter how hard you tried, the feeling lingered, a ghostly presence that hovered just out of reach, impossible to ignore. your hands moved automatically, muscle memory guiding you as you worked, but your mind was elsewhere, replaying the scene in the bathroom over and over. you could still see her in your mind’s eye, the way her shirt had fallen away, the curve of her spine, the gentle slope of her shoulders.
you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t hear her approach until it was too late. her voice cut through the quiet, startling you. “you’re still a mess in the kitchen,” she remarked, a teasing lilt to her tone. “how you managed six years alone is a mystery.” you turned to face her, trying to muster a smile, but she caught the look on your face, her own expression shifting from playful to concerned.
“what’s wrong?” she asked, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studied you. “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
if only it were that simple, you thought, the words catching in your throat. how could you explain the tangled mess of emotions that had suddenly overwhelmed you? the way your heart had reacted to seeing her, the strange, inexplicable pull you felt toward her? you swallowed hard, forcing a smile that felt more like a grimace.
“i’m just tired,” you lied, your voice too tight, too thin to be convincing. but she didn’t press further, didn’t question you as you turned back to the stove. yet you could feel the weight of her gaze on you, the unspoken words hanging in the air between you.
you focused on the food, on the simple, mundane act of cooking, but your hands betrayed you, trembling slightly as you worked. the knife slipped once, twice, but you caught it each time, cursing under your breath. this wasn’t supposed to happen. you weren’t supposed to feel like this, to be so affected by something so simple, so innocuous. but no matter how hard you tried to push it away, the feeling remained, an undercurrent of tension that refused to dissipate. as you stood there in the kitchen, the scent of the meal you were preparing mingling with the faint trace of her cigarette smoke, you couldn’t help but wonder what this all meant. what had changed between you and joohyun? and why, after all these years, did it feel like something was about to break?
you carefully laid out two plates of spicy fish stew on the living room table, the rich, aromatic scent of the dish filling the room. the stew, vibrant with its red chili paste, was a testament to the fiery flavors that defined so much of the cuisine you cherished. the warm, spicy aroma wafted through the room, mingling with the comforting ambiance of your home. joohyun looked up from her seat on the couch, her eyes brightening as she took in the meal you had prepared. “thank you,” she said with a smile, her voice carrying a hint of genuine appreciation.
you both settled into the comfortable cushions, the familiarity of the living room wrapping around you like an old friend. as you began to dig into the stew, you couldn’t help but comment, “i think koreans have a blood that’s more red than others.” she looked up at you with a puzzled expression. “what do you mean?”
“it’s because of the chili paste,” you explained, chuckling at her confusion. she scoffed, her eyes twinkling with amusement as she watched you. a few moments later, the spicy kick of the stew hit your tongue with a vengeance, making you cough uncontrollably. the heat was intense, the spices dancing on the surface of your tongue. joohyun’s teasing voice cut through your coughing fit. “your blood must’ve paled. the states really got to you, huh?”
you shot her a look, downing your water in a bid to cool the fire that was blazing in your mouth. despite the pain, you found solace in the comforting routine of the meal, the familiar tastes grounding you in a way that was both soothing and unsettling. the meal was undeniably comforting, the taste of home a balm to your frayed nerves. yet, as you washed the plates afterward, a sense of unease lingered in the air. everything felt as it should, yet something was subtly amiss. the house, the food, the company—all were familiar, but the undercurrent of tension remained present, like a shadow lurking just out of sight.
you looked over at joohyun, who was now sprawled on the couch, her gaze fixed on the ceiling. the television played in the background, but she paid it no mind, her fingers absently playing with the lighter. the small flame flickered on and off, casting brief, dancing shadows on her face. concerned, you took a seat beside her, breaking the silence with a soft question. “are you sure you’ll be okay?” she nodded, her gaze still unfocused. “i’m just thinking,” she said quietly. “about her.”
your heart ached at the raw emotion in her voice. “you must miss her, don’t you?” she shrugged, a hint of resignation in her tone. “everybody dies, right? i just wanna know what happens after, where you go when the end comes.”
the question was profound, echoing a sentiment that you had grappled with yourself. the uncertainty of what lay beyond was a question without a definitive answer, only a spectrum of beliefs and hopes. you tried to offer a sliver of optimism, hoping it would bring her some comfort. “if there’s a heaven, she’ll be the first one there.”
joohyun’s eyes met yours, a flicker of sadness mingled with hope in their depths. “i wanna go there, too.”
her words cut through you, a sharp pang of emotion striking deep within. you fought to keep your voice steady, a smile curving your lips despite the ache in your chest. “you will. why wouldn’t you?”
her gaze softened, and for a moment, the weight of her grief seemed to lift just slightly. the two of you sat together in silence, the room filled with the quiet hum of the television and the occasional flicker of the lighter. you wanted to believe that everything would be okay, that there was a place beyond the pain and loss, where those we love could find peace.
your room was bathed in the soft glow of the bedside lamp, casting gentle shadows on the walls that seemed to whisper of the past. the familiar scent of lavender, the same scent you had always kept in the room, lingered in the air, mingling with the faint aroma of the stew you had prepared earlier. everything was exactly as you remembered it—your room, your bed, the slight creak of the wooden floorboards beneath your feet. yet, despite the comforting familiarity, your heart was pounding with an intensity that left you breathless.
you approached the bed with a mix of anticipation and apprehension. joohyun was already settled on her side, claiming the left side of the bed. she had always preferred that side, a small detail that seemed so insignificant yet felt profoundly comforting now. you climbed in carefully, trying to mask the nervous tremor in your movements. the bed was just as you remembered—soft, with a slight dip in the middle where you had spent countless nights, and the same plush pillows that had witnessed many shared conversations and quiet moments.
as you eased yourself into your side of the bed, joohyun turned toward you, a yawn escaping her lips. “i’m so tired,” she murmured, her voice carrying a weary undertone that spoke of the long day she had endured. “fuck.”
you settled into your spot, your head sinking into the pillow. “get some rest,” you said softly. “as long as you want.”
she nodded, her gaze following your movements as you found your place beside her. the silence that fell between you was thick but not uncomfortable. it was a silence filled with the weight of years spent apart, of memories rekindled and emotions left unspoken. you turned to face her, your eyes meeting hers in the dim light. in that silence, everything seemed magnified—the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, the way the moonlight played on her features, the softness of her hair spread across the pillow. you couldn’t help but watch her, taking in every detail as if memorizing it.
joohyun broke the silence with a quiet, almost hesitant whisper. “i missed you.”
her words were a soft, tender balm to the ache that had settled in your heart. your own heart fluttered at her admission, and a genuine smile spread across your face. “i missed you too.”
a small, wistful smile graced her lips in return, a fleeting moment of warmth that seemed to bridge the gap of the years you had spent apart. then, she closed her eyes, the smile lingering just a moment longer before it faded into the peaceful stillness of sleep. the room was silent except for the soft, rhythmic sound of your breathing and the steady, insistent pounding of your heart. it was a sound that filled your ears, a reminder of the emotion you felt, the connection you cherished. as you lay there, your gaze fixed on the ceiling, you allowed yourself to relax into the bed. despite the pounding of your heart, there was a sense of contentment, of belonging, that wrapped around you like a gentle embrace.
when you woke up, the room was still shrouded in the soft, early morning light. joohyun lay beside you, her form curled comfortably into the pillows, her breathing slow and steady. she looked so serene, her features softened in sleep, and for a moment, you couldn’t take your eyes off her. the stillness of her slumber, the peace etched across her face—it felt like a delicate treasure that you didn’t want to disturb.
quietly, you eased yourself out of bed, taking care not to make a sound. the soft rustling of the sheets was the only noise you allowed yourself as you moved about. you dressed carefully, each motion deliberate and soft, ensuring that nothing would rouse her from her restful state.
once you were ready, you padded softly to the door, feeling a peculiar sense of anticipation. it had been a while since you’d checked the mailbox, and a part of you hoped for something—anything—that might offer a semblance of normalcy. stepping outside, you made your way to the mailbox, your heart quickening with each step.
to your surprise, the mailbox was indeed full. a letter jutted out conspicuously, and you retrieved it with a sense of eagerness. as you opened the envelope, a wave of relief washed over you. it was your paycheck for the month, finally arriving after a delay due to your recent departure. holding it in your hands, you felt a weight lift from your shoulders. it was a tangible reminder that, despite everything, some things remained stable.
the financial strain you had been feeling was momentarily alleviated. you knew you couldn’t spend it recklessly, as you had struggled with in the past. joohyun had always been the one with the knack for smart spending, a skill you had admired and aspired to learn. but now, with this money in hand, a thought struck you—a way to spend it thoughtfully and meaningfully.
you hurried back inside, the letter clutched in your hand, and reached for your phone. your mind raced with the idea you had conceived, driven by the need to act quickly and decisively. you knew exactly what you wanted to do. without hesitation, you began to place an order, your fingers flying over the screen. this was not for you but for joohyun, a gesture of care and support that felt right in the moment.
as you completed the transaction, a sense of satisfaction settled over you. the order would be delivered promptly and securely, a small but significant way to show your support and gratitude for the years of friendship and understanding you had shared. you imagined joohyun’s reaction, the surprise and appreciation that would follow, and it made the effort worth it.
when joohyun woke up, the room was bathed in a soft morning light that filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow across the room. you were already in the living room, your movements quiet and careful as you prepared two cups of coffee. the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee filled the space, a comforting and familiar scent that seemed to promise a sense of normalcy amidst the turmoil. you had arranged the cups on the table, and as she emerged from the bedroom, her eyes still heavy with sleep, you handed her one with a warm smile. “good morning,” you said softly. “coffee?”
she accepted the cup with a murmured thank you, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was amiss. she appeared distracted, her usual composure replaced by an off-kilter demeanor that seemed out of place. though she had slept in, there was more to her mood than mere tiredness. as she sat down on the couch, her gaze fell upon the lighter you had given her. it was perched on the counter, a small, simple object that now seemed to carry a heavier weight. she reached for it, her fingers absently flicking the flame on and off. the sight of the flame, so small and yet so symbolic, seemed to hold a peculiar significance for her—a reminder of what had been lost.
without thinking, you moved closer and gently blew out the flame. joohyun turned to you with a look of surprise, her eyes widening as she met your gaze. “what?” you asked, attempting to lighten the mood. “so glum this early?”
ahe sighed deeply, the sound a mix of exhaustion and introspection. “i’ve been thinking,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “i don’t know anything. i have no idea who i am.” her words were laden with uncertainty, a contrast to her usually poised demeanor. you understood her struggle without needing any further explanation. how could she possibly find herself after enduring such profound loss, after seeing everything she had disappear in an instant?
“bae joohyun,” you whispered softly, the name slipping from your lips before you could stop it. “you’re bae joohyun.”
joohyun’s gaze met yours, and a small, sad smile crept across her face. “i have no idea who she is anymore,” she said quietly, her voice tinged with resignation.
you placed a reassuring hand over hers, the warmth of her skin surprising you. the gesture was as much for your comfort as for hers, a physical connection that bridged the gap between uncertainty and reassurance. you winced slightly at the warmth, but you forced a gentle smile as you spoke. “you have all the time in the world to figure that out,” you said. “there’s no rush.”
her eyes softened, and she nodded, seemingly comforted by your words. ahe hadn’t even realized that the lighter had slipped from her grasp, falling unnoticed to the floor. the small act of solace seemed to bring a fleeting sense of peace, and for a moment, the weight of her burden felt a little lighter.
you watched joohyun from the corner of your eye as the hours passed, the way she clung to familiar comforts like cigarettes and alcohol, the way her gaze seemed lost in the flicker of the lighter’s flame. the weight of her grief was evident in these small, self-destructive habits, a silent testament to the immense loss she had suffered. it pained you to see her slipping away, losing pieces of herself in the haze of her sorrow.
the sound of the doorbell broke through your thoughts, a sharp, promising chime that tugged you from your concern. you rushed to the door, your heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and nervous excitement. the order you had placed had arrived faster than you had hoped, and the prospect of surprising joohyun brought a renewed sense of purpose.
“who is it?” her voice called out from the hallway, tinged with curiosity. without missing a beat, you sprinted to her, gently but firmly guiding her back into the living room. “don’t come out, don’t you dare,” you whispered urgently, trying to keep your voice low and insistent. her startled expression softened into a chuckle, but she complied, retreating to the couch with a bemused shake of her head.
you returned to the door, signing for the package and then stepping outside to retrieve it. the box was enormous, much larger than anything you could comfortably manage on your own, but you were determined. the weight of it was a physical manifestation of your resolve, a symbol of your intent to ease her pain, even if just a little.
straining under the box’s weight, you navigated the stairs with careful steps, the bulk of the package pressing heavily against you. sweat trickled down your forehead, and you muttered to yourself, “she better like it,” as you heaved the box into your room.
once inside, you carefully unboxed the contents, revealing the piano in its elegant form. the sight of it, pristine and intact, filled you with a profound sense of relief. you had chosen this as a gift not just for its sentimental value but for the solace it could bring. the piano was more than just an instrument; it was a piece of joohyun’s past, a fragment of what had been lost, now returned to her.
wiping the sweat from your brow, you took a moment to admire the piano’s glossy surface, its intricate details catching the soft light of the room. this was not merely an object but a bridge to her past, a connection to the pieces of herself she had feared were gone forever. you carefully positioned the piano in a corner of your room, making sure it was perfectly placed. the act of setting it up was almost ceremonial, a way of honoring her grief and the memories that had been intertwined with the instrument.
as you finished, you stood back, allowing yourself a moment to appreciate the sight of the piano. you knew that the gift, while tangible, was a symbol of your unwavering support and love. it was a gesture to remind her that amidst all the loss and confusion, there was still something familiar, something worth holding onto. satisfied with your efforts, you made your way back downstairs, where joohyun was still seated on the couch. her eyes were drawn to you as you approached, and you could see a flicker of curiosity in them.
as you stood in the doorway, her eyes searching your exhausted form, she asked, “what is it?” her voice was tinged with concern and curiosity. you could see the confusion in her eyes, but you shook your head, a smile playing on your lips despite the fatigue that weighed on your shoulders.
“just close your eyes,” you instructed gently, your voice soft but insistent. you reached for her hand, feeling the warmth of her skin against yours as you guided her up the stairs. her fingers intertwined with yours, and the sensation sent a shiver through you, a mix of exhilaration and nervousness that made your heart race. you could feel the subtle tremor in your knees, but you focused on the comforting reality of her hand in yours, the connection between you both.
the climb up the stairs seemed to stretch on forever, but with every step, you felt a growing sense of anticipation. as you reached your room, you eased her into the space, positioning her in front of the piano with a whispered, “you can open your eyes now.”
joohyun hesitated for a brief moment before she complied, her gaze slowly adjusting to the sight before her. her eyes widened as she took in the grand piano, its polished surface gleaming softly in the morning light. the instrument stood there like a beacon of lost memories, its presence a tangible connection to the past that had been so cruelly stripped away.
“you,” she began, her voice faltering as she struggled to find the right words. her shock was evident, her eyes moving over the piano’s every detail, as if trying to assure herself that it was real. she reached out, her fingers trailing delicately over the surface, the familiar sensation bringing a tremor of emotion. when she turned back to you, you asked softly, “do you like it?”
the question seemed to float in the air, and rather than answering with words, joohyun’s response came in the form of a gentle embrace. she stepped toward you and wrapped her arms around you, the gesture tender and heartfelt. it wasn’t an eager or frantic hug but one of deep, composed gratitude. you were momentarily taken aback, the warmth of her embrace flooding over you, and you held her close, savoring the closeness you had missed so dearly.
“thank you,” she whispered against your shoulder, her voice catching slightly. “i can’t believe you did this.” you pulled back slightly, offering her a reassuring smile. “you should thank me by playing it,” you said playfully, “it’s only fair.”
joohyun chuckled softly, her eyes sparkling with a mix of gratitude and joy. she nodded, her smile growing as she moved to sit in front of the piano. you watched with bated breath as she positioned herself on the bench, her fingers poised above the keys.
with a deep breath, she began to play. the initial notes were hesitant, but soon they flowed smoothly, her fingers dancing gracefully across the keys. the music filled the room, a rich, melodic tapestry that wove together the threads of her past with the present moment. each note seemed to resonate with a part of her soul, a reflection of both her joy and her sorrow.
you stood behind her, mesmerized by the way her hands moved with such fluidity and skill. the sound of the piano was both soothing and invigorating, and you felt a surge of happiness as you watched her lose herself in the music. the composition was beautiful, a perfect blend of melancholic and hopeful tones that seemed to echo the complexities of her emotions. feeling a surge of affection, you slipped your arms around her neck, pulling her close as you swayed gently to the rhythm of the music. the contact between you both felt natural, comforting. she didn’t seem to mind your touch; in fact, she leaned into it, her posture relaxed and content.
the piano’s melody enveloped you both, a shared moment of intimacy and solace. you reveled in the feeling of being so close to her, of supporting her through this small, but significant act of reclaiming her passion. as she continued to play, her focus unwavering, you couldn’t help but feel the profound sense of fulfillment you had been longing for. in the midst of the music, you held her gently, allowing the notes to carry you both into a space where the past and present intertwined seamlessly.
as the final notes of the piano lingered in the air, fading into the quiet of the room, your arms remained wrapped gently around joohyun's neck. the silence that followed felt sacred, a soft cocoon of warmth and intimacy that neither of you wished to break. joohyun let out a quiet, almost breathless “thank you,” her voice carrying the weight of all the emotions she hadn’t expressed in words.
you smiled, your breath warm against her ear as you whispered back, “i haven’t heard you play in a while.” the truth of that statement hung between you both. six years, or perhaps even longer, had passed without the sound of her music. it was something she had always kept private, a part of herself she rarely shared with others. even her own mother had never heard her play the way she had for you. it had always been your shared secret, a testament to the closeness you once had—and maybe still did.
joohyun nodded in acknowledgment, her body easing into your touch as if seeking comfort in the familiarity of your embrace. “it’s been a while,” she murmured, her voice tinged with a quiet resignation.
you leaned in closer, turning slightly to meet her gaze. a teasing glint sparked in your eyes as you quipped, “must be why you’ve gotten rusty.” the playful accusation was met with a roll of her eyes, a gesture that felt like a return to your younger days when teasing banter was a regular occurrence between you.
she stood up then, gracefully extracting herself from your hold, though her expression remained soft, her smile lingering just at the corners of her lips. you clasped your hands together, a sudden idea igniting in your mind, one that felt so natural and right in that moment. “i have an idea,” you announced, your tone a mix of excitement and nostalgia. she raised an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. “what’s the idea?”
“let’s go to the sea,” you suggested, your eyes bright with anticipation. the thought of the ocean, with its vastness and endless horizon, filled you with a sense of longing. it had been too long since you both had felt the salty breeze on your skin, heard the rhythmic crashing of the waves, or simply sat in the sand, watching the world go by. a smile tugged at her lips, one that she tried to suppress but failed. “we haven’t gone since we were kids,” she mused, more to herself than to you. there was something wistful in her tone, as if she too had been longing for the sea without realizing it.
you nodded eagerly, your enthusiasm infectious. “so, are you up for it?” joohyun met your gaze, her eyes searching yours for a moment before she nodded. “yeah,” she said softly, her smile widening as she agreed. “let’s go.”
the drive to the sea was filled with the kind of simple joy that felt as endless as the road stretched out before you. the windows were rolled down, letting the salty breeze whip through the car, tugging at your hair and filling the air with the scent of freedom. the radio hummed softly, playing songs that seemed to match the rhythm of your heart, every note underscoring the thrill of the moment. as joohyun drove, she glanced over at you, her eyes catching on the way the wind tousled your hair, how it mingled with the scent of salt and summer, how your face lit up with a grin that she had seen countless times before but never really noticed until now.
it was a startling realization for her. everything about you was familiar—your laughter, the way you leaned out the window, letting the wind carry your worries away, the light in your eyes as you lost yourself in the joy of the moment. it was all you, undeniably you, yet for the first time, joohyun felt something shift inside her. a strange, unnameable feeling that no melody could capture, no words could articulate. it was something she couldn’t quite explain, and it made her heart skip in a way that was both unsettling and wonderful. she turned her gaze back to the road, trying to focus on the drive, but that feeling lingered, refusing to be ignored.
when you finally reached the sea, joohyun barely had time to park the car before you bolted out, a cheer escaping your lips as you sprinted toward the sand. she found herself smiling, a genuine, soft smile that she hadn’t felt in a long time. you were a vision, spinning in the sand like a child, the wind playing with your hair, your white dress flowing around you like something out of a dream. the sight of you, so free, so full of life, made something tighten in her chest. you had always been you, the same you she had known for years—so why did it feel like she was seeing you for the first time?
“come on now,” she called out, her voice tinged with amusement. “you’re gonna fall.” but her words barely registered as you continued to move with the wind, your laughter mingling with the sound of the waves, the sense of loss that had been hanging over you both replaced, even if only for a moment, by a burning nostalgia.
she walked over to your side, her steps slow, almost hesitant. when you turned to face her, your eyes were bright with excitement, and it was contagious. joohyun couldn’t help but smile as she took in the sight of you. you looked so happy, and the way her heart raced in response caught her off guard. “just like when we were kids, right?” she asked, her voice soft, almost wistful.
you paused, your expression thoughtful as you considered her words. “not quite,” you said finally, a mischievous grin spreading across your face.
before she could ask what you meant, you crouched down, gathering a handful of seawater in your hands before standing up and flinging it at her with a playful laugh. the cold water splashed against her, and she flinched, a look of shock crossing her face as you grinned wider. “now it is,” you declared, your laughter ringing out like music.
joohyun wiped the water from her eyes, an incredulous smile tugging at her lips. “i might kill you now,” she muttered, but there was no real threat in her voice.
you didn’t wait to find out. with a yelp, you turned and started running, your feet kicking up sand as you made a break for it. to your surprise, joohyun took off after you, her usual cool demeanor lost to the sea breeze. it was a side of her you hadn’t seen in years, and it filled you with a giddy sense of joy. but she was faster than you anticipated, and before you knew it, she caught up to you, tackling you into the sand with a laugh.
she hovered over you, her breath coming in soft pants, her eyes locked on yours. the smile on your face never faltered, even as you brushed a few wet strands of hair away from her forehead. “you’re all wet,” you teased, your voice light, playful, but there was an undercurrent of something more—something neither of you dared to name.
she seemed stunned for a moment, her eyes widening slightly as she felt the warmth of your touch. she winced, but not out of discomfort—rather, it was a reaction to the unfamiliar craving your touch stirred in her. you looked so helpless, so pretty, so oblivious to the effect you had on her, and it was all she could think about.
“shut up,” she murmured, her voice barely more than a whisper, but she didn’t look away. she couldn’t. the feel of the sand between her toes, the salty water clinging to her skin—it all faded into the background. all that mattered was you, lying there beneath her, your eyes wide and trusting, your smile soft and sweet. you frowned slightly, a hint of worry creeping into your expression. “you’re not mad at me, are you?”
joohyun shook her head, her eyes never leaving yours. “how could i ever be mad at you?” she asked, her voice so tender it made your heart flutter.
it wasn’t one-sided. joohyun felt it too, that fluttering, fragile feeling that was as exhilarating as it was terrifying. it was exactly why she forced herself to sit up, to put some distance between you, even if it was just a few inches. but you weren’t ready to let go of the moment. you sat up beside her, heaving a sigh of contentment as you leaned against her shoulder, your head resting there like it was the most natural thing in the world.
she stiffened slightly at the contact, her breath catching in her throat as her eyes once again found their way to your frame. you didn’t seem to notice, lost in your own memories as you smiled to yourself. “we came here when we were sixteen,” you recalled, your voice soft with nostalgia.
her lips curved into a small smile as the memory surfaced. “when you tried to drown my ex,” she finished, chuckling softly. “you’re a lunatic.”
you pouted, looking up to meet her gaze, your expression full of mock indignation. “he totally deserved it for cheating on you,” you insisted, sighing dramatically before adding, “you always pick losers.”
joohyun thought about it for a moment, her eyes never leaving yours as she softly agreed, “i do, don’t i?”
but as she said the words, the realization hit her like a wave. she wasn’t thinking about anyone else—not the ex who had wronged her, not the pain that had followed. all she could think about was you. you, who had always been there, who had always cared, who was still here, sitting beside her with that same smile she had known for years. and in that moment, nothing else mattered. not the sea, not the sand, not even the past. all she could look at was you.
the drive back home from the sea was quieter, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable—it was a soothing, reflective kind of quiet, the kind that comes after you’ve spent time reconnecting with something you thought you’d lost. the day had passed in a blur of wind and waves, leaving both of you feeling a bit lighter, the weight of everything that had happened recently lifted, if only temporarily.
by the time you arrived home, night had fully fallen, the sky a deep indigo speckled with stars. you groaned as you stepped out of the car, stretching your arms above your head, every muscle in your body aching with exhaustion. “i’m so tired,” you muttered, rubbing the back of your neck as you trudged toward the house. “go sleep, don’t you have free will?” joohyun countered, her tone teasing, though her own steps were slower, more hesitant.
you turned to stick your tongue out at her, a playful gesture that had her smiling despite the turmoil in her mind. without waiting for her to respond, you ran to the bathroom, eager to wash off the salt and sand that clung to your skin.
joohyun chuckled softly to herself as she watched you go, but the smile faded as she made her way to your room. the door creaked as she pushed it open, the familiar space offering no comfort tonight. her mind was a tangled mess of thoughts, each one more confusing than the last. she didn’t know what to feel or if she was even allowed to feel what she was feeling. it was so different, so foreign, yet so intense that she couldn’t simply ignore it.
her eyes fell on the lighter you had given her, resting on the desk. she walked over to it, her fingers brushing against the cool metal before she picked it up. the weight of it felt heavier than it should have. slowly, she flicked it on, watching as the small flame danced before her eyes. it moved with a life of its own, flickering and swaying in the dim light of the room. she found herself staring at it, mesmerized and aggravated by how something so small could feel so mocking, so reminiscent of the very thing she’d been running from.
she didn’t notice how long she had been standing there, lost in thought, until the flame went out. blinking in surprise, she turned to find you standing in the doorway, a soft smile on your face. “you’re gonna burn yourself,” you chided gently, stepping into the room.
joohyun smiled back, setting the lighter down with a sense of relief she couldn’t quite explain. “guess i got a little lost in thought,” she murmured, almost to herself.
you settled into bed, the air between you thick with unspoken words. the silence that followed was heavy, not with discomfort, but with something more—a tension that neither of you fully understood, yet neither could deny. joohyun found herself staring at your back, as if waiting for something, anything, to happen. when you finally turned to face her, your eyes met, and neither of you could look away.
she broke the silence first, her voice barely more than a whisper. “how did you know?” she paused, her gaze searching yours before she finished, “how did you know you liked girls?”
the question caught you off guard, your heart skipping a beat as the weight of her words settled over you. you felt your chest tighten, your breath quickening as you processed what she was asking. “i don’t know,” you whispered back, your voice tinged with uncertainty. “i think i always knew.” joohyun let your words sink in, turning them over in her mind as she tried to make sense of her own thoughts. she had been thinking deeply about herself, about the feelings she had been trying to ignore. “why do you ask?” you countered gently, your voice drawing her back to the present.
for a long moment, she remained silent, her eyes never leaving yours. she was trying to gather her thoughts, to find the right words, but when she finally spoke, it wasn’t what you had expected to hear. it wasn’t what she had expected to say. “can i kiss you?” the words tumbled out, her voice barely above a whisper, but loud enough to break the silence.
your heart pounded in your chest, the world narrowing down to just the two of you. her question hung in the air, heavy with meaning, and you didn’t know how to react. your breathing became shallow, your skin tingling with anticipation as you processed what she was asking. silently, you nodded, giving her the permission she didn’t even know she needed.
she hesitated, her own breath hitching as she moved closer, the space between you disappearing with each inch. when she was so close that you could feel the warmth radiating off her, your eyes fluttered shut, and then her lips were on yours. the kiss was soft, tentative at first, but as soon as your lips touched, it felt familiar, as though you’d done this a thousand times before in some other life. it felt right, in a way that nothing else had for a long time.
you kissed her back, your lips moving against hers in an almost perfect embrace. there was a tenderness to it, a vulnerability that neither of you had shown before, and it made the moment all the more profound. her hand trembled as it came up to cup your cheek, her touch light but filled with emotion. you latched onto her wrist, your fingers gently caressing the soft skin there as you deepened the kiss, letting yourself get lost in the sensation.
when she finally pulled back, her breath was shaky, her heart racing in her chest. your eyes fluttered open, the reality of what had just happened sinking in. it was something you had been longing for, dreaming of, and now that it was happening, you didn’t know how to feel. “was that okay?” you asked quietly, your voice barely above a whisper, laced with uncertainty.
she nodded, a quiet smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “i liked it,” she admitted, her voice soft, but the sincerity in her words was undeniable.
a laugh bubbled up from within you, light and airy, as you watched her, your heart swelling with a mix of relief and happiness. joohyun frowned, her smile faltering slightly as she asked, “what? what’s so funny?” your laughter only grew, your shoulders shaking as you tried to calm yourself down. “am i a bad kisser?” she demanded, a hint of frustration creeping into her voice, though there was no real anger behind it.
you shook your head, your laughter dying down to a soft chuckle. “the worst,” you teased, a playful glint in your eyes. ahe scoffed, rolling her eyes despite the smile that tugged at her lips. she turned her back to you, feigning annoyance, but there was a lightness to her movements that hadn’t been there before. you let your head hit the pillow, the exhaustion from the day finally catching up to you. but as you lay there, something within you urged you to move closer.
tentatively, you scooted closer to her, your heart pounding in your chest as you wrapped your arms around her waist from behind. you could feel her stiffen at the unexpected touch, her breath hitching in her throat. for a moment, you wondered if you had made a mistake, if maybe this was too much, too soon. but then she relaxed, her body melting into yours as she scooted back, letting you hold her.
in the quiet of the night, with the world outside your room forgotten, you held each other, letting the warmth of the moment seep into your bones. it felt natural, as if this was where you both were meant to be all along. the worries, the confusion, the uncertainty—they all faded away, leaving only the steady rhythm of her breathing and the comforting weight of her body against yours. and for the first time in a long time, everything felt right.
when joohyun woke up, the world felt softer, quieter, as if the night had wrapped her in a cocoon of peace she hadn’t experienced in a long time. the weight of your arm still draped over her waist was a comforting reminder that she wasn’t alone, and it made her heart ache with a strange mixture of warmth and longing. it had been the best sleep she’d had in what felt like forever, and she almost regretted that it had to end.
she shifted slightly, careful not to wake you, but the movement was enough to stir you from sleep. your eyes fluttered open, heavy with the remnants of dreams, and you murmured a soft, “good morning,” as you pulled away from her. the space you left behind was cold, leaving her with an emptiness she hadn’t anticipated. “morning,” she replied, her voice still thick with sleep, as she rolled over to face the nightstand.
she reached for her phone, her fingers brushing against the cool surface before she turned it on. the light from the screen illuminated her face in the dim room, casting a soft glow over her features. you watched her quietly, noticing the way her eyes scanned the screen with a sort of resigned anticipation, as if she was bracing herself for something.
her gaze settled on a message, and her expression shifted, something unreadable crossing her features. “my dad texted me,” she announced quietly, the words heavy despite their simplicity. you leaned over, curiosity piqued, your heart fluttering with a sense of unease. “what did he say?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper as you tried to gauge her reaction.
she opened the message, her eyes narrowing slightly as she read the words. “he wants me to come to church with him today,” she said, her tone neutral, as if she was still processing the request herself.
the gravity of it all hit you, the weight of what that meant hanging between you like a shadow. you knew how much she had been struggling, how deeply her mother’s passing had affected her, and the thought of her stepping back into a place that held so many memories, both good and bad, made your heart ache for her. but joohyun seemed almost detached, as if the request didn’t faze her as much as you thought it would.
“why?” you asked quietly, the word slipping out before you could stop yourself.
ahe didn’t answer right away, her eyes still fixed on the screen as she read through the rest of the messages. “he thinks it’ll help with my mom’s passing,” she finally said, her voice soft, almost distant.
the ache in your heart intensified, a deep, gnawing pain that you tried to push down. how could you discourage her from that? how could you tell her not to do something that might help her heal, even if it meant walking into a place that held so much significance? you swallowed the lump in your throat, forcing a smile as you murmured, “maybe it’ll help.”
joohyun seemed to consider this, her eyes searching yours as if she was looking for something—reassurance, perhaps, or maybe just understanding. after a moment, she turned her gaze back to the phone, her thumb hovering over the screen. “would you come with me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, as if she was afraid of your answer.
your breath caught in your throat. you hadn’t been to a church since you were a child, the memories of it fuzzy and distant, like a half-forgotten dream. the idea of going back, of stepping into a place that felt so foreign now, made your heart race with a mixture of fear and uncertainty. but when you looked at her, at the way she seemed so lost, so vulnerable, you knew you couldn’t say no. you saw the hurt in her eyes, the pain that she was still carrying with her, and you couldn’t bear the thought of her facing that alone.
so, you nodded, the decision made before you even realized it. “of course,” you said, your voice steady, even as your heart pounded in your chest. “i’ll go with you.” the relief in her eyes was immediate, her shoulders relaxing as if a weight had been lifted off of her. she gave you a small, grateful smile, and for a moment, the tension between you eased, replaced by something warmer, something more intimate. “thank you,” she murmured, her hand reaching out to take yours, squeezing it gently.
you found yourself sitting in the back seat of joohyun's car, feeling the tension in the air grow as you approached the church. it was a place you hadn’t stepped foot in for years, and the mere thought of entering it now made your stomach churn with unease. the idea of being surrounded by people who might judge you for who you were, for who you loved, left you feeling vulnerable in a way you hadn’t anticipated.
joohyun’s father greeted you both at the entrance, his face lighting up when he saw you. “there’s my other daughter,” he said warmly, pulling you into a tight hug. you hugged him back, the familiarity of his embrace momentarily easing the tension in your chest. when you pulled away, you offered your condolences, your voice soft and sincere.
“i’m so sorry for your loss,” you murmured, your eyes meeting his. the grief in his gaze was palpable, but he smiled at you, appreciating the sentiment. “thank you,” he replied, his voice thick with emotion. “it means a lot that you’re here.”
as you walked into the church, you felt a wave of discomfort wash over you. the space was grand, with high ceilings and stained-glass windows that bathed the room in a kaleidoscope of colors. the air was thick with incense, the smell overpowering as it filled your lungs. you couldn’t shake the feeling that you didn’t belong here, that you were an outsider in a place where everyone else seemed to fit perfectly. the church was foreign to you, and every step you took felt like it was magnified, echoing in the silence of the sacred space.
you and joohyun found a seat near the middle, close enough to see the priest clearly but far enough to feel slightly removed from the intensity of it all. you sat down, trying to steady your breathing, and glanced over at joohyun. she looked serene, calm even, as if this was just another day, but you could see the underlying tension in the way her hands fidgeted with the edge of her dress. you offered her a warm smile, hoping to provide some comfort, and she returned it, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
the service began, the priest’s voice ringing out clearly in the large space, amplified by the acoustics of the room. he spoke of loss, of the pain that comes with it, and the need to find solace in faith. his words were gentle at first, meant to soothe, to offer comfort to those who were grieving. “we are all familiar with the ache of loss,” he said, his voice carrying through the church. “but it is in our darkest moments that we must turn to god, to seek his guidance, for he is the one who will lead us to the light.”
as he spoke, you felt your heart ache for joohyun, knowing how deeply she had been hurt, how much she was struggling to find that light. without thinking, you reached out and placed your hand on top of hers, squeezing gently in a silent gesture of support. she looked down at your hand, her fingers slowly wrapping around yours, and she squeezed back, intertwining your fingers with hers. the simple touch grounded you both, a small anchor in the sea of uncertainty that surrounded you.
the priest continued, his words growing more intense, more insistent as he spoke of the need to obey god’s will, to follow his path no matter how difficult it might seem. “the trials we face are but a small price to pay for the paradise that awaits us,” he said, his voice firm. “to obey god, to live according to his commandments, is to guarantee a place in his kingdom, where there is no more pain, no more suffering.”
you felt joohyun stiffen beside you, her grip on your hand loosening until she let go entirely. the sudden absence of her touch left you feeling cold, a void opening up between you that you hadn’t anticipated. you pulled your hand back, your heart breaking as you watched her focus intently on the priest, her eyes fixed on him as if she was hanging on to every word. she seemed mesmerized, lost in the promise of salvation, of finding peace through obedience.
for a moment, you felt a pang of resentment, a bitter taste in your mouth as you listened to the priest’s words. how could someone be expected to pay such a price? to deny themselves, to live in fear of who they were, just to be accepted into paradise? the thought made your chest tighten, a silent protest forming in your mind. god loves you, you thought bitterly, but not enough to save you.
the rest of the service passed in a blur, the priest’s words fading into the background as you struggled with your own thoughts. joohyun remained quiet, her gaze never leaving the front of the church, and you couldn’t help but wonder what was going through her mind. was she finding comfort in the priest’s words? did she believe them? and if she did, where did that leave you?
when the service finally ended, the congregation began to disperse, the sound of shuffling feet and hushed whispers filling the air. you stood up slowly, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on you, but you forced yourself to smile as joohyun’s father approached. “you did well,” he said, his voice gentle as he placed a hand on her shoulder. she nodded, a small, tight-lipped smile on her face, but she didn’t say anything. he turned to you, his expression warm as he added, “thank you for being here. it means more than you know.”
you nodded, offering him a small smile in return, but the words felt hollow. all you could think about was the space that had opened up between you and joohyun, the distance that seemed to have grown in such a short amount of time.
as you left the church, the air outside felt cooler, fresher, but it did little to ease the heaviness in your chest. joohyun walked beside you, her steps slow and measured, and you couldn’t help but steal glances at her, searching for any sign of what she was feeling. but her face was unreadable, her thoughts hidden behind a mask of composure. you reached the car in silence, the only sound the soft crunch of gravel beneath your feet. she unlocked the doors, and you both got in, the silence between you thick and oppressive. as she started the engine, you glanced at her, wanting to say something, anything, to bridge the gap that had formed between you. but the words wouldn’t come.
the days following the church service felt like you were slowly losing something you didn’t quite know how to name. joohyun’s behavior shifted, subtle at first, but the changes grew more pronounced with each passing day. it was as if the moment in church had planted something in her mind, something that took root and began to grow, twisting its way through her thoughts, altering them, changing her in ways that left you feeling adrift.
it started with her eyes. the way they no longer found yours, no longer lingered on your face with that quiet, thoughtful intensity. before, there had been moments when you’d catch her looking at you, her gaze softening as if she was seeing something she didn’t fully understand but wanted to. now, her eyes skimmed over you, barely registering your presence, as if the act of looking at you was too much, too difficult. it was like she was afraid of what she might find if she let herself look too closely, so she kept her distance, both physically and emotionally.
her touch, too, became something of the past. where once she had hesitated only to give in, to seek the comfort of your presence, to let her hand linger on your arm or her fingers brush against yours, now there was a deliberate space between you. it was as if nothing had ever happened, as if the kiss you shared was a figment of your imagination, a fleeting dream that faded in the harsh light of day. she no longer reached for you, no longer found excuses to be close, and the absence of her touch felt like a loss you couldn’t quite put into words. it was a quiet withdrawal, a silent pulling away, and it left you feeling like you were standing on the edge of something you couldn’t see but feared falling into.
the silence between you was different now, heavier, filled with unspoken words and unacknowledged fears. and when she did speak, it was often to break that silence with facts you hadn’t asked for, facts about religion and god that seemed to come out of nowhere, yet you knew exactly where they were coming from. “did you know,” she would begin, her voice too casual, too light, “that the bible says god will forgive any sin if you truly repent?” or, “did you know that people used to believe you could cure sickness by praying hard enough?”
you didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know how to tell her that you didn’t want to hear these things, that they only served to widen the gap between you. so, you stayed quiet, nodding when she spoke, letting her words wash over you even as they made your heart ache. it felt like she was trying to convince herself of something, trying to find solace in these facts, trying to believe that there was a way to fix whatever it was she thought was broken.
then, she started praying. it was a quiet, almost secretive thing at first, something she did in the privacy of her room or in the stillness of the morning when she thought you were asleep. but you heard her, the soft murmur of her voice as she whispered her prayers, the way her words were tinged with desperation, with a longing you couldn’t quite place. and then one day, you heard her say it aloud, her voice trembling with emotion. “i want to be cured,” she said, her words hanging in the air like a plea.
you didn’t know what she was referring to, didn’t know if she meant the grief over her mother or something else entirely. but the way she said it, the way her voice cracked on the word “cured,” sent a chill through you. you wanted to reach out to her, to ask her what she meant, to offer her comfort, but something in the way she spoke, in the way she seemed so lost in her thoughts, stopped you. all you could do was listen in silence, watching her as she prayed for something you couldn’t give her, something that felt like it was slipping further out of reach with every passing day.
the lighter became her constant companion, a small, seemingly insignificant object that she kept with her at all times. you would see her sitting at the piano, her fingers absentmindedly flicking the lighter on and off, the small flame dancing in front of her as if mocking her, taunting her with its ephemeral nature. you noticed how her eyes would fixate on the flame, how she seemed almost hypnotized by it, as if it held some kind of answer she was searching for. and then one day, you saw her burn herself.
it happened so quickly, so quietly, that at first you didn’t even realize what had happened. ahe was sitting at the piano, the lighter in her hand as usual, when the flame touched her skin. there was a small hiss, the smell of burnt flesh, and you gasped, your heart leaping into your throat. but she didn’t react. she didn’t even flinch. she just sat there, staring at the small burn on her hand as if it were nothing, as if it didn’t hurt. you didn’t know if it had been an accident or if she had done it on purpose, but the way she remained so calm, so detached, made your blood run cold.
when she played the piano now, there was no emotion in it, no feeling, no passion. the notes were correct, the technique flawless, but there was something missing, something vital that had once been there but was now lost. the music felt empty, hollow, like a shell of what it used to be. it was as if she was going through the motions, playing the notes because she knew them, not because she felt them. and every time you heard her play, it broke your heart a little more, because you knew how much the piano had once meant to her, how much joy it had brought her. but now, it was just another thing that had been tainted, another thing that had been lost in the wake of whatever it was she was going through.
you wanted to fix it, to fix her, to bring her back to the person she used to be, the person who had smiled at you, who had kissed you, who had held your hand. but the more you tried, the more it felt like she was slipping away, like she was fading into something you couldn’t reach, something you couldn’t save. and you didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to hold on to something that was already broken. because when something breaks, you’re supposed to let go of it, to move on, to find something new. but you couldn’t. all you wanted to do was fix it, to fix her, to make everything right again. but the more you tried, the more it hurt, and the less it showed.
the days had grown longer, more drawn out, and more painful, as joohyun drifted further away from the person you once knew. it was late in the afternoon when she finally mentioned the bonfire party. her voice was flat, almost disinterested, as if she was announcing something mundane, like a change in the weather. “there’s a bonfire party by the sea tonight,” she said, not even looking up from the lighter she had been fiddling with.
you glanced up from where you were sitting, a pang of worry twisting in your chest. the idea of a bonfire, of flames and alcohol mixed with the volatile state she had been in lately, sent alarms ringing through your mind. “maybe it isn’t a good idea to go,” you suggested carefully, trying to keep your voice steady. “the fire, it might provoke you even more.”
but joohyun paid no mind to your concern. ahe shrugged, a faint, almost bitter smile playing on her lips as she slipped the lighter into her pocket. “i’m fine,” she insisted, her voice cold, distant. “we’re going. it’ll be fun.” her insistence made your heart sink. she had been drawn to all the wrong things lately, claiming that she was on the right path, that she knew what she was doing, but you both knew that wasn’t true. there was a coldness in her now, a recklessness that hadn’t been there before. she clung to the lighter like a lifeline, a small object that had once meant something, had once been a reminder of who she was. but now, it was just another piece of who she had lost.
you knew it was useless to argue, so you sighed and nodded, deciding to go with her. maybe if you were there, you could keep her safe, keep her from doing something she would regret. the night air was cool as you walked down to the beach together, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore filling the silence between you. the sky was dark, the stars barely visible through the haze of clouds, and the smell of salt and seaweed filled the air.
the bonfire was already roaring by the time you arrived, a towering inferno of orange and red that cast long shadows across the sand. people were gathered around it, laughing, talking, drinking, the flickering light playing across their faces. you felt out of place, like you didn’t belong here, like the fire was too bright, too intense. but joohyun walked forward without hesitation, drawn to the flames like a moth, her eyes fixed on the fire as if it held some kind of answer she was searching for.
you followed her, your heart heavy with worry as you watched her grab a drink and down it quickly, almost desperately. she was drinking more than you had thought she would, more than you had ever seen her drink before. the sight of it made you uneasy, and you reached out to gently touch her arm. “joo,” you murmured, your voice barely audible over the crackling of the fire. “maybe you shouldn’t drink so much.”
ahe brushed off your concern with a careless wave of her hand, not even bothering to look at you. “i’m fine,” she repeated, her words slurred slightly, the alcohol already beginning to take hold. she took another drink, and you bit your lip, watching her closely, trying to keep an eye on her, to make sure she didn’t go too far.
as the night wore on, you could tell she had had too much. you could see it in the way her movements became sluggish, her steps unsteady, and the way her arm suddenly wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you in close. you stiffened at the touch, your heart skipping a beat as you felt her warmth against you. you could smell the alcohol on her breath, sharp and pungent, and you knew that this wasn’t her, not really. it was the alcohol, the numbness she was trying to find at the bottom of the bottle.
but maybe, maybe it wasn’t. maybe this was what she wanted, maybe this was what she felt deep down, beneath the layers of confusion and pain. you wanted so desperately to believe it, to believe that this was real, that it wasn’t just the alcohol talking. so, you eased into her touch, letting your head rest against her shoulder, letting yourself pretend, just for a moment, that everything was okay, that she was still yours, that she still loved you, if she ever had.
you watched the fire together, the flames dancing and crackling, the heat of it warming your skin. but as you glanced up at her, you saw the way her eyes stared into the fire, hazy with alcohol, empty and distant. it was like she was somewhere else, lost in her own thoughts, her own pain. then, without warning, she pulled out the lighter again, flicking it on and off, the small flame dancing in front of her, taunting her, mocking her.
you had had enough. you leaned down and blew out the flame, your voice sharp and edged with frustration as you whispered, “one more time, joohyun. one more time, and you’ll die.”
she scoffed, but there was no humor in it, only a bitter resignation. she tucked the lighter away, her movements slow and deliberate, but she kept her arm around you, and you kept your head on her shoulder. you stayed like that as the party slowly began to die down, people leaving in pairs or small groups, until it was just the two of you left, the fire burning low, the night growing colder.
it was what you needed, the solitude, the quiet, just the two of you. but it wasn’t what you wanted. not like this. not with her so far away, so lost in her own darkness. you wanted to reach out to her, to pull her back, to tell her that it was okay, that you were still here, that you loved her. but you didn’t know how. you didn’t know if it would even matter. and then, she turned to face you, her eyes locking onto yours. your heart broke for her in that moment, seeing the pain, the confusion, the emptiness in her gaze. but you said nothing, the words stuck in your throat, your voice lost to the night.
she leaned in, her breath warm against your skin, and before you could react, before you could stop her, she kissed you. it was sudden, unexpected, and it sent a shock of electricity through your body. for a moment, you froze, unsure of what to do, unsure of what this meant. but then you gave in, your eyes fluttering shut as you kissed her back, your heart pounding in your chest.
her lips were soft, familiar, but there was a desperation to the kiss, a hunger that hadn’t been there before. it was as if she was trying to find something in you, something to hold on to, something to save her from herself. you kissed her back, your hand reaching up to cup her cheek, to pull her closer, to keep her from slipping away. “don’t do that,” you murmured against her lips, your voice cold, laced with fear and anger and something you couldn’t quite name. “god will see.”
she didn’t respond, didn’t pull away. Instead, she kissed you harder, her fingers tangling in your hair, her body pressing against yours. it was desperate, it was reckless, but it was all you had, all she had. if god was watching, if he was there, why did she feel so lonely? why did you?
the fire crackled beside you, the flames dying down, the night growing colder. but in that moment, nothing else mattered. all that mattered was her, and the way her lips felt against yours, the way she held on to you as if you were the only thing keeping her from falling apart. and maybe you were. but even as you kissed her, even as you let yourself get lost in her, you knew that it wasn’t enough. it would never be enough.
the drive back home was suffocating in its silence, the kind that gnawed at the edges of your thoughts, unraveling everything you had tried to keep together. the hum of the engine filled the void between you, and the rhythmic blink of the passing streetlights played across joohyun’s face, casting fleeting shadows that deepened the hollowness in her eyes. she stared out the window, her face expressionless, as if the night had drained her of everything she once was.
you kept your eyes on the road, your hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that your knuckles turned white. the kiss still lingered on your lips, a bitter reminder of what had happened by the fire. you wanted to speak, to say something that would break the tension, the uncertainty, the fear that had settled between you like an unwelcome guest. but the words wouldn’t come. you were afraid they might shatter whatever fragile connection you had left.
the drive felt endless, each minute stretching into eternity, but eventually, you pulled into the driveway, the car coming to a slow stop. joohyun made no move to get out, and for a moment, neither did you. you sat there in the darkness, the only sound the ticking of the cooling engine, the silence growing heavier with each passing second. finally, you sighed and unbuckled your seatbelt, opening the door and stepping out into the cool night air.
she followed you wordlessly, her movements slow, deliberate, as if she was moving through a dream. you unlocked the door and stepped inside, your heart heavy with the weight of everything unsaid, everything unresolved. you barely had time to close the door behind you before she was on you, her hands fisting in the fabric of your jacket as she pulled you in for a kiss.
it was different from the one by the fire, more intense, more desperate. she kissed you with a fervor that bordered on madness, her lips bruising against yours as if she was trying to drown out the world, to forget everything that had happened, everything that she was. your mind screamed at you to stop, to push her away, to tell her that this wasn’t right, that she wasn’t in her right mind. but your heart, traitorous and weak, told you to give in, to let her have this moment, to give her whatever she needed because you loved her.
you hesitated for a moment, your mind and heart warring within you, but when she bit down on your lower lip, a small, needy sound escaping her throat, you found yourself giving in. you wrapped your arms around her, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss as if you could somehow fuse your souls together, as if that could make everything better, could make everything make sense.
she broke the kiss only long enough to grab your hand, pulling you toward the stairs with a determination that left you breathless. you followed her, your heart pounding in your chest, your mind reeling from the intensity of it all. each step felt heavier than the last, your resolve crumbling with every passing second as you fought against the voice in your head that told you to stop, to say something, to pull away.
but you couldn’t. not when she was looking at you like that, her eyes filled with something you couldn’t quite name, something raw and desperate. she led you upstairs, her hand trembling slightly as she pushed open the door to her room. the moment you stepped inside, she was on you again, her lips crashing against yours as if she was afraid that if she let go, you would disappear.
your back hit the wall, and she pressed her body against yours, her hands moving to tangle in your hair, pulling you down for another searing kiss. you wanted to fight it, to tell her that this wasn’t right, that this wasn’t the way to fix what was broken between you. but you couldn’t find the strength to push her away. not when you loved her so much, not when you had been longing for her touch, her kiss, for so long.
she kissed you like she was trying to consume you, like she was trying to erase everything that had happened, everything that had been said, and you let her. you let her take what she needed, let her use you to fill the void inside her, because you knew that this was all you could give her now. you knew that once the night was over, once the passion had faded, she would go back to being distant, cold, unreachable. but for now, in this moment, she was yours, and you were hers, and that was enough.
you kissed her back with just as much intensity, your hands moving to hold her close, to keep her from slipping away from you. you poured all your love, all your pain, all your desperation into that kiss, trying to convey everything you couldn’t put into words. she responded in kind, her body trembling against yours as she kissed you with a fierceness that left you breathless.
you stumbled back toward the bed, your lips never leaving hers as you fell onto the mattress together. she moved over you, her hands roaming over your body with a desperation that sent shivers down your spine. you arched into her touch, your own hands tracing the contours of her body, memorizing every curve, every dip, every part of her that you loved so much.
when she kissed you again, it was slower, softer, as if she was savoring the moment, as if she was trying to make it last. you kissed her back, your hands cupping her face as you looked into her eyes, searching for something, anything, that would tell you that this was real, that this meant something. but her eyes were guarded, her expression unreadable, and it made your heart ache.
she pulled back slightly, her forehead resting against yours, her breath ragged as she whispered your name, her voice filled with a longing that broke you all over again. you wanted to say something, to tell her that you loved her, that you would always love her, no matter what. but the words stuck in your throat, and all you could do was kiss her again, hoping that she understood, hoping that she knew.
you reached down to unbutton her shirt, her skin hot and smooth beneath your fingertips. she helped you, her eyes never leaving yours as she peeled the fabric away, revealing the soft mounds of her breasts. you took one in your hand, feeling the weight of it, the warmth of her, the way her nipple hardened under your touch. she gasped, her eyes fluttering closed, and you took that as your cue to lean down and kiss her, to tease her nipple with your tongue until she was arching into you, her hands tightening in your hair.
you felt her hand slide down between your legs, her fingers tracing the line of your panties, and you knew she could feel how wet you were, how much you wanted her. you moaned against her neck, your hips bucking involuntarily. she smiled, a knowing smile that made your stomach flip. you pushed the negative thoughts aside, focusing instead on the way her hand felt against you, the way she was making you feel. you let your own hand slide down to her pants, undoing the button and zipper with trembling fingers. you slipped your hand inside, feeling the heat of her, the dampness of her underwear. she was just as eager as you, and that was all that mattered right now.
you pulled her closer, grinding against her, the friction sending waves of pleasure through your body. she groaned, her hand moving to match your rhythm, her other hand sliding up to cup your breast. you could feel yourself getting closer, your body tightening, your breath hitching. you didn’t know how much longer you could take this, how much longer you could keep pretending that everything was okay, that this was what you both wanted.
you reached down to pull her pants off, your own following shortly after. you lay there, in the darkness, skin to skin, heart to heart, your bodies intertwined as you kissed and touched each other with a passion that was almost painful. it was as if you were trying to hold on to something that was slipping through your fingers, something that was never truly yours to begin with.
you felt her hand move between your legs, her fingers delving into your wetness, exploring you with a hunger that left you breathless. you gasped, your hips rising to meet her touch as she began to rub slow circles around your clit. you reached down to do the same to her, feeling the slickness of her arousal, the heat of her desire.
the room was spinning, the only anchor in the darkness her eyes, locked on yours, her pupils dilated with lust. your breath mingled, your hearts pounded in sync as you both lost yourself in the moment. you didn’t know how much longer you could hold on to the facade, the lie that this was just two friends sharing a drunken mistake, that it didn’t mean anything more.
you pushed aside the thoughts, focusing instead on the feel of her, the taste of her, the sound of her breath hitching as you slid a finger inside her. she was tight, so tight, and so wet. you felt a thrill of power, of need, knowing that you could make her feel this way, knowing that she was just as lost in this as you were. you kissed her again, deep and needy, as you felt her hand slip down to mirror your own movements, her finger sliding into you, filling you, stretching you. you moaned into her mouth, the pleasure building, coiling tighter and tighter, threatening to consume you.
you rolled over, breaking the kiss, and pulled her on top of you, wrapping your legs around her hips. she sat up, straddling you, her breasts bouncing gently as she began to rock against your hand. you watched her, the flicker of the dying fire casting shadows across her face, her eyes half-closed in ecstasy. it was the most beautiful, heartbreaking thing you had ever seen.
you reached up to cup her breasts, feeling the weight of them in your hands, your thumbs teasing her nipples as she moved against you. she leaned down, her breath hot against your neck as she whispered, “don’t tell anyone, okay? i’m not—i’m not like that. i don’t do this.”
you nodded, your heart breaking a little more with each word. you didn’t care what she said, what she thought. all you knew was that you loved her, and this was what she needed, what you both needed, for now. so you held on, you gave her what she wanted, you let her use you as she sought refuge in the one place she thought she could never be found. you felt the tension building in her body, her muscles tensing, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps. you knew she was close, so close. you curled your fingers inside her, finding that perfect spot, and she let out a cry, her body convulsing with the force of her orgasm.
you held her as she came down, her head resting on your shoulder, her breath hot and ragged against your skin. for a moment, you felt like everything was right in the world, like the universe had aligned and all was well. but when she pulled away, her eyes filled with tears, you knew that wasn’t true.
she rolled off you, onto her back, her chest heaving with the aftermath of pleasure and pain. she was crying, silent tears that rolled down her cheeks and into the pillow. you reached out to wipe them away, but she flinched, her eyes snapping open to look at you.
“i don’t wanna go to hell,” she whispered, her voice thick with regret. “i don’t wanna burn.”
you swallowed hard, your own eyes burning with unshed tears. you knew it was a mistake for her, that she didn’t love you the way you loved her. but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it, to acknowledge the truth that was staring you in the face. so instead, you kissed her again, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you could change her mind, that maybe she would see what you saw, feel what you felt. but she didn’t. she pulled away, sitting up and reaching for her clothes. you watched her, your heart in your throat, as she dressed in the darkness, her movements jerky and frantic. she didn’t look at you as she left the room, leaving you alone with the dying embers of the fire and the cold, hard truth of what had just happened.
you curled up on the bed, pulling the covers around you, trying to hold in the sobs that threatened to escape. you told yourself it didn’t mean anything, that it was just a drunken mistake. but deep down, you knew it did. every touch, every kiss, every stroke of her hand over your skin had been a silent confession of love, a love that she was too afraid to admit, even to herself. you lay there in the darkness, the room spinning with a mix of emotions: passion, pain, and a love so strong it hurt. you felt empty without her, as if she had taken a piece of you with her when she left. the smell of her perfume lingered in the air, taunting you with memories of her touch. you wanted to call out to her, to tell her how much you loved her, but you knew it would only push her further away.
so you cried, letting the tears fall silently onto the pillow. you cried for the love you had lost, for the love you never had. you cried for the girl who was so lost in her own beliefs, her own fears, that she couldn’t see what was right in front of her. and you cried for yourself, for the girl who had given her heart away so easily, only to have it shattered in return.
you woke with tears in your eyes, but you didn’t notice them. what you did notice, as your consciousness gradually returned, was the empty space beside you. the sheets on joohyun’s side were cold, the pillow untouched, as if she had never been there at all. your heart sank at the sight, a hollow ache blooming in your chest. the events of the night before felt distant, like a dream that you desperately wanted to hold onto but was slipping through your fingers with each passing second.
you forced yourself to sit up, your body feeling heavier than usual, the weight of reality pressing down on you like a leaden blanket. you noticed a small piece of paper on her pillow, a note, its presence both alarming and foreboding. with trembling fingers, you picked it up, your breath catching in your throat as you unfolded it.
the words were simple, written in joohyun’s neat, delicate handwriting: “i’ve gone to church.”
the heartbreak hit you like a freight train, a pain so deep and all-encompassing that it threatened to drown you. your vision blurred, the tears you hadn’t realized were there spilling over and streaking down your cheeks. you wanted to scream, to cry out, to demand an explanation, but there was no one there to hear you. the silence in the room was deafening, the emptiness around you suffocating.
you moved through the motions of getting dressed as if on autopilot, your mind numb to everything but the ache in your chest. you pulled on your clothes with trembling hands, the fabric rough against your skin, a stark contrast to the warmth you had felt the night before. you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror as you brushed your teeth, the sight of your own tear-streaked face making your stomach churn. you looked like a ghost, a hollow shell of the person you had been, and you hated it.
you forced yourself to move to the kitchen, the routine of making coffee providing a small, temporary distraction from the storm raging inside you. the familiar scent filled the air, but it did nothing to calm your nerves, nothing to ease the pain that gnawed at your insides. you took a sip of the hot, bitter liquid, but it tasted like ash on your tongue. everything felt wrong, out of place, as if the world had shifted beneath your feet and you were left stumbling in the dark.
when you heard the door open, your heart skipped a beat, a rush of emotions flooding through you all at once. joohyun stepped inside, the soft click of the door shutting behind her echoing in the quiet house. for a moment, she just stood there, her eyes meeting yours from across the room. there was a flicker of something in her gaze, something that mirrored the turmoil in your own heart, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared.
neither of you said a word. the silence stretched between you, heavy and suffocating, like a barrier you couldn’t break through. you wanted to ask her where she had been, what she was thinking, if she remembered what had happened between you the night before. but you didn’t. you couldn’t. the words were lodged in your throat, choked by the fear of what her answer might be.
days passed, and she grew colder, more distant with each one. she stopped looking at you the way she used to, stopped touching you, stopped asking for your touch. it was as if nothing had ever happened between you, as if the kisses, the whispered words, the warmth you had shared were nothing more than figments of your imagination. the only time she spoke was to break the silence with more random facts about religion, about god, as if she was trying to convince herself of something, as if she was trying to drown out whatever it was that haunted her.
the lighter she carried with her had become a constant companion, a small, seemingly insignificant object that had taken on a sinister presence in your lives. she flicked it on and off, the tiny flame dancing before her eyes as she stared at it with an intensity that frightened you. “joohyun, you can’t keep doing this,” you had pleaded one day, your voice trembling with the weight of your concern, your love, your desperation. “please, talk to me. tell me what’s going on.”
but she had pushed you away, her eyes cold, distant, a look of resignation on her face. “there’s nothing to talk about,” she had said, her voice flat, emotionless. “this is just the way things are now.”
“no, it’s not,” you had cried, your voice cracking with the intensity of your emotions. “we can fix this. we can—” but she had cut you off again, her tone final, unyielding. “there’s nothing to fix.”
and so the days passed, each one more painful than the last. you tried to hold on, tried to be there for her, tried to reach her, but every time you got close, she pushed you away. the more you loved her, the colder she became, until you were left with nothing but the empty shell of the person you once knew.
then, one day, you couldn’t take it anymore. the anger, the frustration, the heartbreak had built up to the point where it was suffocating, choking you, leaving you gasping for air. when she came back from church that day, you were waiting for her, your heart pounding in your chest, your emotions swirling inside you like a storm.
as she walked past you, her shoulder brushed against yours, a touch so brief and so cold that it felt like a slap in the face. you reached out, grabbing her hand, desperate to make her stop, to make her listen. “joohyun, please,” you begged, your voice trembling with the weight of your emotions.
but she pulled her hand back, her eyes flashing with anger, with something darker that you couldn’t quite name. “don’t touch me,” she snapped, her voice cold, cutting. you felt the words like a punch to the gut, the pain so sharp, so intense that it left you breathless. “where did it all go wrong?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “how could you do this to me? to us?”
ahe shook her head, her eyes hard, unyielding. “i won’t give in,” she said, her voice steady, resolute. “i won’t taint my soul.”
the words were like a knife to your heart, the final, brutal blow that shattered whatever hope you had left. you should have prayed. prayed for her to come back to you, prayed for her to love you the way she used to, but you couldn’t. instead, you spoke the truth that had been burning inside you for so long. “you’re already tainted.”
the words hung in the air between you, heavy, damning, and for a moment, you saw something flicker in her eyes. hurt, anger, regret—you couldn’t tell. but then her expression hardened, and before you could react, she punched you in the face. the force of the blow sent you stumbling back, pain exploding across your cheek, but you didn’t hit her back. you couldn’t. Instead, you reached out, clinging to her, pulling her into a hug, desperate to hold onto the last piece of her that was still yours.
for a moment, just a brief, fleeting moment, she softened in your arms. you felt it, the warmth that had been missing for so long, the connection that you had been longing for. but it was gone just as quickly as it came, replaced by the cold, unyielding wall she had built around herself. she shoved you away, her eyes burning with a fury that terrified you, and she punched you again, harder this time, sending you crashing to the floor.
you wanted to fight back, wanted to hit her, scream at her, demand to know why she was doing this, but all you could do was reach for her again. when you saw it, the look in her eyes, the confirmation that she wasn’t herself anymore—that was when you gave in, when it was your fist’s turn to collide with her face. and it did, the force of it sending her flying backwards, but you couldn't bear the sight of her, your heart breaking with every breath you took. you pulled her into another hug, your arms wrapping around her like a lifeline, but she shoved you away with a force that left you breathless. she walked out of the house without another word, the door slamming behind her, leaving you lying on the floor, broken and bleeding, the weight of everything that had happened pressing down on you.
you walked aimlessly through the empty streets, the pain in your jaw a dull throb that seemed to echo with every step you took. the bruises were a physical manifestation of the heartbreak that had shattered you from the inside out. the day had bled into dusk, the sky a muted canvas of purples and blues, the fading light doing little to ease the darkness settling in your heart.
the world around you felt distant, as if you were drifting through a dream you couldn’t wake from. your mind was a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions, each one more conflicting than the last. you wandered without purpose, each step heavy with a weariness that went beyond physical exhaustion. the weight of everything that had happened pressed down on you, leaving you feeling empty and hollow.
you barely noticed the bump against your shoulder, the sharp sting of it cutting through your daze. it was only when a group of girls appeared, their faces a blur of anger and disdain, that you began to register the reality of your situation. they grabbed you roughly, pulling you back into a narrow alleyway, their hands striking you with a force that felt almost detached from the pain you were already feeling.
you didn’t fight back. the instinct to defend yourself, to protect what little was left, had long since faded. you let the blows land, each one a reminder of your own helplessness, a cruel echo of the turmoil raging inside you. the cold brick wall pressed into your back, the texture of it rough and unyielding against your skin. blood dripped from your chin, mingling with the grime of the alleyway, but you simply let it fall.
they continued their assault, their voices a cacophony of angry shouts that blurred into the background noise of the city. You heard them, but their words felt distant, like they were coming from another world. the realization that you didn’t care anymore, that you were willing to let it all end, was almost a relief. the bruises and the blood were physical manifestations of a deeper, more profound pain—a pain that you had long since accepted as part of your existence.
eventually, the girls left, their anger spent, leaving you slumped against the wall, barely able to lift your head. the alleyway was silent again, save for the distant hum of traffic and the occasional murmur of voices from the street. you pushed yourself upright, the effort making your body ache even more, but you didn’t have the strength to stay on your feet. you wandered aimlessly until you reached the middle of the street, your movements slow and unsteady. the world around you was a blur, the streetlights casting long, eerie shadows that danced across the pavement. the light of an approaching car caught your eye, so vivid among the darkness that had engulfed you.
you turned your head, the light from the car seeming almost to beckon you, a final, fleeting hope that perhaps something might change. but before you could process the thought, you felt the impact, a sudden, jarring collision that sent you sprawling across the asphalt. the world went black, the pain and the cold merging into a numb void that swallowed you whole. in those final moments, as consciousness slipped away, you thought to yourself. the light of the car, so bright, so welcoming. had it not been for the car, for the collision, you would've aasumed it was god. you would've assumed that it was your turn to see the light, the one that led you to the right path. a glimmer of light, a brief flash of salvation that never truly materialized. you thought, perhaps, that it was god, or fate, or some form of cosmic justice finally reaching out to you. but if there was a higher power, if there was anyone watching over you, they had chosen not to intervene. you had been loved, you thought, but not enough to be saved.
joohyun paced through the house, the remnants of alcohol and broken memories scattered across the rooms like ghosts of a past she could no longer escape. she moved mechanically, her movements driven by a frantic need to impose order on a chaos that had seeped into her very being. the empty cups, the overturned bottles—she swept them away with a fervor that bordered on madness. maybe, she thought, if she cleaned up the mess around her, she could purge the turmoil inside her. the scent of your presence lingered in every corner, an indelible reminder of the love she had been too broken to embrace fully.
as she scrubbed the surfaces, the stench of stale alcohol mixed with the acrid tang of her own tears. the house, once a sanctuary of shared moments and quiet intimacy, now felt like a prison of her own making. the realization that you had left and had not come back struck her like a physical blow. the emptiness of the space was a constant reminder of her failure, a space filled with echoes of laughter and affection now gone silent.
in a fit of frustration, her emotions erupted violently. she slammed her hands onto the table, its sturdy surface buckling under the force of her anger. dishes clattered to the floor, their shards adding to the chaos that had taken over. she pulled at her hair, the disheveled strands a physical manifestation of the mess in her mind. ahe stumbled into your room, her breath coming in ragged gasps. the sight of the piano, the once-beautiful instrument that had been a source of solace and joy, filled her with a wave of guilt and rage. with a sob of anguish, she attacked the piano. her fists pounded against the keys, each strike producing a cacophony of dissonant notes that seemed to scream her sorrow. the sound of the keys breaking and the strings snapping was a mournful dirge, one that echoed her internal devastation.
eventually, the piano fell silent, its music stilled. joohyun collapsed onto the floor, her energy spent, her body trembling from the effort and the tears. she was surrounded by the debris of her actions, the fragments of the piano and the shattered remains of the table forming a grim tapestry around her. the realization that she had driven away the one person who had loved her enough to try to save her was a crushing weight on her chest.
her gaze fell upon the lighter, the object that had once been a symbol of her independence and now a grim reminder of her inability to cope. it was the same lighter you had given her, its initials faded but still recognizable. with a numb resignation, she found herself tearing the closet door open. she knew it held everything she needed, sooner or later. in this case, now.
it was the precise reason she took the red tank in her hands, unscrewing the cap and getting a whiff of the pungent stench. she didn’t hesitate as she poured the gasoline around the room, the liquid sloshing and hissing as it spread. the smell of it mingled with the lingering scent of the alcohol, creating a nauseating cocktail that filled the air.
she sat on your side of the bed, her eyes fixated on the lighter. for a moment, she held it in her hand, the metal cold and heavy. she felt as if she were waiting for a sign, for some miracle to pull her back from the edge, but none came. no one was coming to save her from the end she had chosen. she had ruined her life, and yours too. it was a final act of defiance against the pain that had consumed her.
with a shaky breath, she tossed the lighter into the pool of gasoline. the flames ignited almost immediately, a brilliant, consuming blaze that spread rapidly through the room. joohyun watched, her face illuminated by the fiery glow, the warmth of the flames a contrast to the cold despair that had enveloped her. as the fire grew, so did her sense of finality. the flames danced and roared, consuming everything in their path. she sat amidst the chaos, her eyes vacant as she let the fire spread. she had become the sinner she felt herself to be, and now she had a hell of her own making. the house, once a place of memories and love, was now a testament to her ultimate surrender.
even as the fire spread, she could still see you. as her skin began to grow warm, all it did was remind her of your touch. nothing could compare to it, not even when her life was on the line. she had tried to be good for so long, but everything had finally come to an end. she had dreamt of a heaven, just to live in a hell of her own. it made her sick, it made her stomach churn. maybe this was how her mother felt. alone, helpless. maybe she died without a care in the world. that was how joohyun wanted to go out, without any pressure. but even as she laid back onto the bed, her fingers caressing your side, there was nothing but pressure. it wasn't the pressure of the fire’s warmth, but of the bed’s coldness. your side was still cold, as if the fire had died down, but it didn’t. and it wouldn't.
she let the fire engulf her surroundings, the smoke curling around her like a shroud. she didn’t move, didn’t try to escape. she was beyond redemption, beyond saving. she had chosen her fate, and as the flames reached towards the ceiling, she finally accepted that no one could save her from herself.
✧.*
a/n: this is a work of fiction and i had not intended on, not in a single moment, offending anybody. with that being said, if anybody feels offended by any aspect, let me know and the story will be deleted
♯┆ you’re the coach’s daughter & karina is the skater who falls for you anyway. you were never hers to keep, but she loves you.
pairing. ice skater!karina x coach’s daughter!reader genre. friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending (thank faith bc yall almost didn’t get it), slow burn (kinda), mutual pining, forbidden love warning(s). cursing, cheating, kissing (making out), reader is in a failing relationship, this is a yearnfest man, coach is mean af, brief argument, suppressed emotions (karina my shayla 😔)
word count: 11k (this seems to be my limit chat)
“the more i hurt, the more i want you.”
── ⟢ ・⸝⸝ katty ᥫ᭡: guysss when i tell you i sobbed while writing this like three times... (is an easy crier) but thanks for 600!!! (also i made a spotify playlist if you would like to listen while you read)
masterlist.
three weeks before regionals.
the rink is quiet this late at night.
you never even really plan to check on her. not really. you just happen to walk by the glass doors on most nights. most of the lights are off except for the spotlights above the center, casting shadows over the ice.
and there she was.
karina.
she was alone. as always.
the two of you weren’t very close, but you had conversations here and there. she was the type of person that focused on her passion more than anything else. it was admirable, really.
her movements were so sharp and precise. she was so clean it looked effortless. but you knew better. you knew the amount of hours she’s poured into every jump and every spin. you’ve heard the way your dad talks about her.
“she’s got the skill. but i need her to stop feeling so much.” he said once.
but you like it. the way she skates like there’s something breaking inside of her. that’s where the real beauty is.
you don’t reveal yourself at first. you just stand by the edge of the rink and pulled your coat tighter around your shoulders. the cold seeped in fast but you didn’t mind. not when you were watching her.
karina doesn’t notice you. or maybe she does and chooses not to look. she was always like that, distant but aware.
you wait until she finishes her routine, skates slowing to a stop in the center of the rink. she bends at the waist, catching her breath with hands on her knees.
that’s when you call out in a soft voice.
“your landing on the last combo was perfect.”
she was startled, head whipping toward the sound with wide eyes. her mouth parted like she was gonna say something, but then she just straightens and skates toward you quietly.
“i didn’t know anyone was here.” she says.
you hold up the water bottle in your hand. “i didn’t think you would still be here. but… i figured you forgot to bring this. again.”
she slows to a stop right in front of you, carving tiny shapes in the ice with her blades. you hand her the water bottle, fingertips brushing yours for a second.
“you always bring me water.” she mumbled.
“you never ask me not to.”
karina looks at you. there’s a faint sheen of sweat on her forehead. she stares quietly, face never leaving yours.
“i guess i like when you worry about me.” she says after a moment. and then she smiles.
you don’t say anything back. you can’t.
you end up sitting beside her on the bench near the edge of the rink. she unlaced her skates slowly, water bottle sitting between you.
“i didn’t mean to interrupt. you looked… kinda lost in it.” you say after a while.
karina glances up at you and tugs one skate off with a small grunt. “i always get like that when i’m alone. it’s easier to pretend that no one’s watching.”
“but someone always is.”
she freezes for a second and then her lips curl into a smile, an almost amused one. “yeah. like you.”
i’m not— i didn’t mean—”
“i don’t mind. i like when it’s you.” she cut in while shrugging.
you don’t know what to say to that, so you pretend to focus on something else. her shoulder was just barely brushing yours.
karina sighs. “coach is gonna kill me for staying this late.”
“he doesn’t have to know.” you laughed.
“is that the coach’s daughter helping me break the rules?” she turns to you with one brow raised.
“i won’t tell if you don’t.” you reply.
then there’s a pause. a long one.
then she speaks. “you’re always here.”
“so are you.”
“i have to be.”
“you don’t. not at this hour.” you argue.
karina looks down at her hands. “he says that i need more reps on my loop. and i can’t land it clean if i don’t fix my axis. so…”
she doesn’t finish the sentence. and you feel as if she doesn’t need to.
the silence returns. then, you carefully pull a pair of hand warmers out of your coat pocket.
you hold them out without saying a word.
“you… brought these?”
“i figured you would forget those too.”
she doesn’t take them right away. she stares at them then back at you. and when she finally reaches out, her fingers brush yours again. except slower this time.
“thanks. for thinking of me.” she says softly.
“someone has to.” you shrug, trying to play it off.
she gives you a quiet laugh. then she leans back on the bench, shoulder still pressed to yours with her hand warmers resting in her lap.
neither of you say much after that.
the silence is comfortable. she hasn’t moved for a while now. her legs were stretched out and her fingers were curled around the hand warmers you gave her. you think maybe she’s falling asleep sitting up. or just enjoying your presence.
either way, you don’t say anything.
but then your phone buzzes.
twice. three times.
karina jumps before you even check it, like the sound snapped something inside of her. she doesn’t say anything, but her body moves away from yours.
you glance down. a name lights up your screen.
your boyfriend.
you forgot he said that he would call. you forgot about him entirely for a second.
that realization makes your stomach turn.
“sorry. didn’t mean to—“ you mumble, silencing it.
“it’s fine.” she was back to the cold version of her you know from practice days.
she stands before you can stop her, pulling her skates back on. the laces are uneven and she doesn’t even fix them.
“you don’t have to go.” you say stupidly, as if it’ll make her stay.
but she’s already halfway to the ice again.
“i should run the routine again. i’m still shaky on the loop.” she calls out from over her shoulder.
you stay on the bench and watch as she glides back toward the center of the rink, phone buzzing again in your hand. the music doesn’t play. she doesn’t need it.
she jumps before she’s ready. the landing is clean but you can tell.
she wasn’t skating to practice.
she was skating to forget you.
───────────────────────
the next day, somehow the rink feels colder.
maybe it’s the hour. or the way that karina doesn’t look at you when you walk in with your father. or it’s the silence that feels too heavy in between your steps.
she’s already on the ice when you arrive, pacing through her warm up jumps with clean movements. it was like last night never happened.
you sit off to the side as your dad steps onto the ice with his clipboard in hand.
“all right. start from the top. don’t drop your left arm on the entry again.” he calls, already stern. karina doesn’t reply. just nods once, jaw set. she adjusts her gloves and glides into position without a word.
the music starts.
you watch as she moves like she’s made for this. every jump makes her look as if she’s gliding. she doesn’t miss a beat.
but you see it. the way her chest rises too fast in between movements and the way way she hides the pain in her arm.
your father doesn’t.
“again. you were two seconds late on the last transition. don’t let the emotion get ahead of your technique.” he says the moment the final note fades.
she doesn’t argue. she just bows her head and skates back to the start.
you don’t say anything.
another run through. another correction. another sentence with barely contained frustration in your father’s voice as karina pushes herself harder, and faster. her blade slipped slightly on a landing and she hits the ice with a thud.
you flinch. but he doesn’t move.
“get up. you’re fine.” he says calmly.
karina pushes herself up slowly, lips pressed into a thin line. she doesn’t look at him or at you. you can see her hands shaking.
“i understand.” she says softly. and then she says it again in a quieter tone.
“i understand.”
and she tries again.
it breaks something in you.
she finishes the third run perfectly. doesn’t collapse this time, but her breaths are harsh now. your dad claps his hands together once.
“better. you can take a break.”
he walks off the ice like it’s another day, already reaching for his phone. the door slams behind him.
only then karina sits down, curling slightly forward with her gloves gripping her knees. you don’t even realize you’ve moved until you’re walking down the bleachers and stepping quietly onto the mats just off the ice.
“i’ve been here the whole time.” you say.
her head snaps up.
“i saw all of it. how hard you’re trying.” you continue.
karina doesn’t say anything at first. just looks at you with her eyes wide.
then she whispers. “did it look like i was good enough?”
you walk closer and kneel next to her.
“it looked like you were breaking yourself to be.”
she wasn’t used to being seen like this.
“i don’t want you to skate like that. like you’re trying to prove something to him.” you mumble.
“i’m not.” she lies.
you don’t say anything for a moment. just reach into your bag quietly and pull out the same bottle you brought yesterday. it’s refilled and a little colder this time.
you hold it out to her without saying a word.
she stares at it like it’s a peace offering from another being.
“you need to hydrate. even perfectionists have to drink water.” you say softly with a small shrug.
karina laughs breathily. her fingers graze against yours as she takes it and she doesn’t let go right away.
“i’m not perfect.” she mumbles.
“you kind of are.” you reply before you can stop yourself.
she looks at you, then down at the bottle in her hands. then back up.
you don’t have to be perfect all the time. not around me, at least.
is what you wanted to say. but instead you just stay silent.
karina swallows like she’s trying not to say anything.
“hey. i brought this.” you say in a slightly playful tone.
her eyes flicker to it and her lips twitch barely. you catch it.
“you brought snacks?”
“maybe.”
“i love chocolate.” karina mumbles as she takes it slowly and unwraps it with careful fingers. she breaks it in half and holds one piece out to you.
your chest squeezes.
you take it.
she eats her half like it’s one of the first real things she’s had in hours.
“thanks. for not leaving.” she says finally.
“i wouldn’t.”
“i know. i think i needed someone to stay anyway.” she glances down at the bottle.
“then i’ll stay.” you nod.
and you do.
you sit side by side on the cold bench. karina’s finished the chocolate, skates finally unlaced and resting beside her. her legs are pulled up onto the bench as if she’s disappearing into her hoodie.
her phone buzzes once between you.
“my ride’s late.” she mutters, her thumb tapping the screen before she sets it face down.
you nod with your hands in your jacket pockets. “i can wait with you.”
“you don’t have to.”
“i want to.”
karina doesn’t argue. she just looks at you with an unreadable expression.
for a while, it’s quiet again.
“you were always watching me.”
you look over at her with a startled expression. “what?”
she smiles a little. “yesterday. at practice. today too. i can feel it.”
you look away. “you’re kinda hard to miss.”
“i noticed you before that.” she says. almost too quietly.
your heart skips a beat.
she leans against the bench with her head tilted up. “you came to one of my meets last year. sat way in the back and didn’t talk to anyone.”
you froze.
“i didn’t think you saw me.” you admit.
“i always see you.” she says and the words land with a softness that makes your heart race.
you open your mouth, searching for something to say.
“my dad expects a lot from you.”
she just stays quiet.
“the way you don’t fight back. it’s the same way i used to be.”
“do you ever wish you could quit?” you ask.
karina turns her head, looking at you. “every day.”
you look down at your hands. “but you don’t.”
“no. because i still love it. even when it hurts.”
you nod quietly.
“does anyone know you feel like that?” you ask.
she shakes her head. “no. i don’t tell them.”
“but i tell let you.”
it comes out as a whisper. you’re too surprised to say anything.
then the sound of a car pulling into the lot breaks the moment.
karina doesn’t move right away, she just watches you like she’s still thinking about saying something else. but she doesn’t.
she stands, slowly grabbing her things.
“i’ll see you tomorrow?” she says.
“yeah. tomorrow.”
and as she walks away, you feel that feeling in your chest. the feeling of someone slipping through your fingers even while they promise they’ll stay.
───────────────────────
it’s past nine the next day when you find her again.
the rink is empty and the lights are dimmed to half their usual level. her bag is forgotten on the bench and there’s a single light glowing from her phone screen. it was probably another missed call or her ride running late again.
she was alone in the center. there was no music this time, just her blades breaking the silence.
you don’t call out.
you sit on the same bench as before and unzip your jacket. you pull out a small paper bag and inside is a chocolate croissant you picked up earlier.
she doesn’t notice you until she slows down. she does one last spin and then she slides to the edge of the rink, brushing the hair from her face. that’s when she sees you.
her eyes widen and her chest heaves from the effort.
“you came back.” she said breathlessly.
“you’re not hard to find.” you tease gently.
karina steps off the ice carefully, taking off her gloves as she comes over. her cheeks are pink from the cold.
“what is it this time?”
“guess.”
she sits next to you again, closer than before. your knees almost touch.
she peeks into the bag and smiles slightly.
“you remembered i like chocolate.”
“i remember everything.” you say before you can stop yourself.
she looks at you and there’s something soft in her expression. maybe grateful or just stunned.
she slowly takes a bite and you watch her shoulders relax with the first chew.
neither of you one talk for a bit.
“you don’t owe me this, you know. the snacks, waiting, or the way you look at me.” she mumbled.
“i’m not doing it because i owe you anything.” you shrug.
“then why?”
“because i want you to feel like someone’s always there for you. no matter what.”
karina looks down at the half eaten pastry in her hands with an unreadable expression. no one’s ever done that for her, you realize.
just stayed. showed up. believed in her even when she wasn’t performing.
she swallows hard.
“thank you.” she whispers.
you could tell her it’s nothing. that’s it’s easy. that you would do it a hundred times over.
but you don’t.
she leans just a little closer this time and her shoulder almost brushes yours. you pretend not to notice.
she was slowly letting you in. it was pieces of her that she hopes you’ll handle carefully.
and you will. every time.
───────────────────────
the next day, you return to the rink again.
you were going to give her space but something in your chest pulled you back.
when you walk inside, karina’s already on the ice.
alone again. no music or audience.
you don’t even have a chance to say anything before it happens.
she goes into a spin too fast, and the blade of her skate catches wrong.
you hear the crack of impact before you see it.
karina hits the ice hard.
you froze with your breath caught in your throat.
she doesn’t get up right away. she just lies there, chest rising and falling.
then she slowly pushes herself to sit.
and you see it.
it wasn’t pain.
it was frustration.
she rips off one of her gloves and throws it to the side. her other hand slams against the ice. the sound echoes like a gunshot in the empty rink.
“stupid, i’m so stupid. why can’t i just—“ she mutters before choking on the words. her other glove comes off and her hands clench into fists.
you’re moving before you can think. sliding open the door to the rink and stepping out toward her.
“karina.”
she tensed.
you see the way her back straightens and her breathing stalls. she turns her head with wide eyes, like she didn’t know that anyone was watching.
you kneel beside her carefully.
she doesn’t look at you.
“i’m fine. i was doing fine. i’ve done this a hundred times.” she says quietly.
“i know.”
“i can’t afford to mess up right now. not when regionals are in three weeks. not when— not when everyone’s already waiting for me to fall.” her voice cracks.
your heart twists.
“i’m not.” you respond.
she finally looks at you.
this time, you see it all. the exhaustion just behind her eyes.
“i’m not waiting for you to fall. but i’ll be here to catch you if you do.” you say without thinking.
something breaks in her expression.
“i hate crying.” she says.
“you’re not.”
“it feels like i am.”
you pull down the sleeve of your jacket down and gently press the fabric to her cheek, wiping away a tear.
“you’re allowed to be human, karina.”
she closes her eyes.
and for the first time, she leans into your hand. not all the way, but enough to let you know she’s tired of being strong alone.
she doesn’t say anything for a bit after you wipe her tear.
she just sits there with her fists clenched and jaw tight.
but then she shifts, and you know she’s trying to get up.
you offer your hand without saying anything.
she hesitates.
for a second, you think she might not take it.
but then almost reluctantly, her fingers slip into yours.
her hand is cold and her grip is too gentle for someone who just punched the ice a minute ago.
you pull her to her feet and settle her when she wobbles.
she doesn’t let go right away. and neither do you.
you’re closer than you’ve ever been. her face is still flushed from skating and her lips part just slightly when she looks at you.
“thank you.” she whispers.
you almost respond, saying something too honest, but that’s when your phone buzzes.
you both look down at the same time.
it’s your boyfriend.
you freeze. and karina notices.
she drops your hand before you can even react and steps back like she wasn’t just unraveling in your arms seconds ago.
“i should… i should get back to it.” she mutters, brushing her hands off on her
“karina—”
“it’s fine. you should take that.” her voice returns back to neutral. it’s not angry, but it’s distant.
you glance down at your phone again.
when you look up, karina’s already lacing her gloves back on.
you don’t stop her.
and somehow, that hurts more than the distance that she just put between you.
because now you know what it looks like when she almost lets someone in.
and what it feels like when she slams the door shut just as fast.
───────────────────────
the rink is even colder tonight.
you’re not here just to watch this time. you’re here because you couldn’t stay away.
karina hasn’t looked at you once since yesterday.
you came in quietly, settling into the middle row with a blanket around your shoulders and a box of fruits in your lap. you didn’t expect her to notice you.
but you still hoped.
she steps onto the ice like nothing ever happened.
she’s different today. you can see it.
she’s trying harder. like she’s trying to prove something.
you watch her routine in silence. it’s the same one she’s been perfecting for weeks. there’s no music, but you know it by heart now. you could probably hum the entire song if she asked.
she doesn’t fall this time.
but her landing is shaky and her spin is off center. her arms falter for half a second in the last sequence.
she finishes with what would be flawless from anyone else’s eyes.
but when she stops and lets out a heavy exhale, you can tell she’s not satisfied.
you wait until she comes off the ice and tug her sweatshirt back over her training top.
then you call out.
“that was beautiful.”
karina looks up so fast you wonder if she ever knew that you were here.
you hold up the water bottle and the fruits you packed earlier. strawberry and banana slices with two small chocolates tucked into the corner.
she walks over slowly. almost cautiously.
“i didn’t know that you were coming.”
“didn’t want to miss your performance.” you shrug.
she sits next to you on the bleachers. you hand her the box and she takes it wordlessly, taking the top off of the container.
“you’re really good, karina.” you say softly. maybe a little too soft.
“like... i don’t even know anything about skating but i can feel it when i watch you. that’s gotta mean something.”
karina froze mid bite.
you glance at her but she’s not looking at you. just staring down at her fruits.
“…what?” you ask.
“no one’s ever said that to me. not like that.”
“really? you’re one of the best.”
“your dad is always too focused on what needs to be fixed. where my lines are off and where i’m not centered. he says praise makes you soft.”
you feel something in your chest. then you nudge her with your shoulder.
“then i’ll do it for him.”
that makes her look at you. her eyes are slightly wide and her expression is unreadable.
you smile. “i’ll be your fan. i’ll even be loud and annoying. if you want me to.”
karina looks away but you still catch the shade of red rising to her cheeks.
“you’d be my audience?”
“i am your audience. right now. front now.” you say.
she hides her laugh behind a sip of water. then she asks.
“will you stay if i go again?”
you nod without a second thought.
you stay in the same seat while she steps back onto the ice and it looks like her entire body is lighter. you didn’t know it was because of your praise.
when she begins again you catch her stealing a glance at you during the first spin.
then she does it again during the glide.
you wave.
and she almost stumbles from smiling too hard.
karina finishes her routine again and this time, she nails it.
everything was flawless.
when she comes to a stop in front of you, she doesn’t say anything. she just looks at you like she’s searching for something in your expression.
you don’t hold back.
“that was perfect.”
“you think so?”
“i know so. you were scary good. i got chills.” you hug the blanket tighter around your shoulders.
karina lets out a soft laugh and looks away, but she’s smiling. her shoulders lower like she’s allowing herself to feel proud for once.
she walks over to the edge of the rink and sits beside you again. this time she sits closer. her thigh brushes against yours and neither of you move away.
you offer her a chocolate from the snack box. she takes it.
“i’m serious. you skate like your entire heart is in it.” you say.
her smile fades, but not in a bad way. it turns into something softer.
“it is.”
you look at her. you’ve never seen someone work so hard for something that almost no one praises them for.
“you should be proud of yourself, karina.”
she doesn’t respond right away. she just eats the chocolate in silence.
maybe you lean a little closer than you should.
maybe she does too.
because you feel something change again.
she turns her head to look at you.
and the way she’s looking makes your stomach do a thing.
like she’s never had someone talk to her like this.
like no one’s ever stayed.
“i like it when you’re here. i skate better.” she says suddenly.
you smile and your heart does a weird skip. “then i’ll keep coming.”
karina’s eyes flick down to your mouth for a second too long.
and then, you see it happen. the moment she remembers.
your boyfriend.
your father.
everything that makes this too complicated.
she pulls away slightly. but it’s enough for you to notice.
you don’t know what you did wrong, but she’s straightening her spine again. putting space between you.
“you should probably head out soon. it’s getting late.” she says. her voice was too polite for you to like it.
“karina—”
“your dad doesn’t like when you stay late, right?”
you pause, reading her face.
it’s completely changed. her composure. she’s still distant.
the softness is still there, but it’s tucked away.
still, you try.
“i don’t mind staying.”
she stands up anyway, avoiding your eyes.
“i’ll lock up after i’m done.”
then she’s skating away again.
but as she gets back into position, her gaze flicks to you. just once.
like maybe she wished you would stop her.
but you don’t.
not this time.
───────────────────────
the next night, you show up again.
you don’t say anything.
you just walk in with your tumbler of hot chocolate, blanket folded over your arm.
karina’s already skating when you get there and her movements are sharp but you can tell that she’s tired. her routine looks less precise, like her mind is somewhere else.
you settle into your now usual seat and wait, wrapping yourself in the blanket. you don’t cheer or wave this time. you just watch.
when she finishes the routine and finally notices you, she doesn’t look surprised.
she just comes to a stop and lets her hands rest on her hips while panting softly.
“hey.” you say.
she skates over slowly.
she doesn’t sit next to you this time. just leans against the railing while looking down at her skates.
“you didn’t have to come again.”
“i wanted to.”
karina doesn’t reply.
you hold out the tumbler. “it’s hot chocolate.”
she glances at it then at you. then, she reluctantly takes it.
you watch her sip it slowly.
“you don’t have to be alone all the time, you know.”
karina’s shoulders tense.
but she doesn’t look at you. she just stares at the ice, jaw tight.
“it’s easier this ways.” she says after a long pause.
you’re caught off guard by the honesty. “easier?”
“no one expects anything from me when i’m alone.”
there’s something about the way she says it. like she’s told herself that a thousand times before.
you want to reach for her. but you don’t.
“i expect something from you.”
she looks at you. almost defensively. but your gaze is soft.
“i expect you to take care of yourself. to eat. to rest. to let people care about you.”
karina swallows.
you think she might say something, but instead she just looks down.
“you have a boyfriend.”
your stomach twists and you look down at your hands.
“i know.”
“you’re the coach’s daughter.”
“i know that too.”
silence stretches between you. and then she whispers.
“i can’t let myself like you.”
it’s the closest thing to a confession she’s ever given you. and you’re afraid that it’s the closest that she ever will.
your heart breaks in two.
you don’t know what to say. you don’t even know if you’re allowed to say anything at all.
so you just sit there with your fingers trembling inside the blanket.
she takes one last sip of the hot chocolate then hands the tumbler back to you, fingers brushing yours like she doesn’t mean to. but maybe she does.
then she skates away again.
the sound of your heartbeat is louder than her blades cutting across the ice.
“karina.” you call out, voice echoing through the empty rink.
she doesn’t stop.
you stand up. “karina, wait—”
she’s still skating. even faster now.
it stings. the way she shuts down, like she’s trying to outskate the things you make her feel.
so you raise your voice.
“why do you keep doing this?”
that makes her stop abruptly. her skates carve into the ice, and send up a sharp spray of frost. she turns to you with an unreadable expression.
“doing what?”
“this.” you gesture between you both. “one second you let me in and the next you’re skating away like you hate me.”
she exhaled hard, looking away. “i’m not doing anything.”
“yes you are. you talk to me, open up, and then remember i’m someone you shouldn’t like and you shut down again. every single time.”
karina’s jaw clenches.
you step closer. “i’m not trying to confuse you. i just want to be there for you. and i thought… i thought maybe you wanted that too.”
“i do. god, i do. but what do you want me to with that? you have a boyfriend and your dad hates me. this isn’t about just skating anymore.” she says, voice cracking slightly.
you pause.
“i never said it was about just skating.”
karina looks at you. her expression softens but you can see something else in her eyes.
she shakes her head, scoffing slightly. “you don’t get it.”
“then make me get it.”
“i can’t! because if i say it out loud then it’s real, and if it’s real then i’ll want something that i can’t have.” she nearly yells, voice echoing off the walls.
the silence that follows is so loud that it hurts.
she blinks fast like she didn’t mean to say that.
and you just stand there, stunned.
“karina…”
her name comes out softer now.
she looks down at her skates, biting her lip.
“i think you should go.”
your throat tightens. “do you really want me to?”
karina closes her eyes.
“no.”
but she turns away anyway.
and this time, you just let her skate.
because now you know. she’s not pushing you away because she doesn’t care.
she’s pushing you away because she does.
───────────────────────
the rink feels colder again.
it’s not the weather. it’s the emptiness.
karina gets there late, hoodie pulled tight over her head with her headphones in. her water bottle is half full.
but when she steps onto the ice, the first thing she does is look at the stands.
you’re not there.
she pretends that it doesn’t bother her. pretends that she doesn’t notice.
she warms up and does her stretches, then she goes through the footwork section of her routine easily.
but when it’s time to start the real run through, she hesitates.
you’re still not there.
there’s no voice cheering her on softly.
no tumbler clutched in your hands.
no little smile whenever she glances over her shoulder.
she tries to push through it, starts the routine anyway. but halfway through the first turn, she tumbles. her balance slips and her hand scrapes the ice hard, making her curse under her breath.
she gets up and starts again.
falls again.
but it’s worse this time.
she sits on the ice for longer, breathing heavily. her eyes are unfocused and for the first time in weeks, she feels it creeping back in. that voice in her head that tells her she’s not enough. that she’ll never be enough.
she presses the tip of her palm against her forehead.
she doesn’t cry. but she’s close.
and then she reaches into her pocket and pulls out her phone.
your name is right there, but she doesn’t call.
she just stares at the screen for a long, long time.
her thumb was hovering over the call button.
just one tap. but she doesn’t do it. she locks the phone, puts it back into her pocket and stands up.
this time, she doesn’t try the routine again.
she just skates in slow, aimless circles.
alone.
two weeks before regionals.
it’s been a week.
seven days.
karina counted them all. skated through every single one one of them like it meant nothing, but it did. she just got better at pretending it didn’t.
there was two weeks until regionals now.
everyone’s tense and the rink is busier than usual. there’s more skaters and more pressure but tonight, she’s the only one left. again.
she’s been pushing herself too hard. trying things she shouldn't be attempting this late. her left ankle’s bruised and her back aches. her music plays on loop but none of it feels right. nothing has felt right ever since you stopped showing up.
she doesn’t expect to see you again, which is why when she hears the door creak open mid routine she doesn’t stop right away.
it’s only when she glances toward the stands and sees you with your blanket, tumbler, and uncertain smile that she fumbles a landing.
not enough to fall. but just enough to feel it. just enough to feel everything again.
you stay quiet for a moment and just sit there.
karina lets out a shaky breath and skates to the edge, stopping right in front of you. neither of you say anything right away.
you hold out the tumbler.
she hesitates but takes it and wraps her hands around it like she did before.
“you’ve been pushing yourself too hard.”
she looks at you.
“noticed that from your seat?” she says, trying to sound teasing but it comes out tired.
“i noticed from not being in it.” you reply and her chest twists.
she leans against the edge of the rink, back against the wall. you lean forward next to her, elbows on the railing.
“i didn’t think that you would come back.” she admits.
“i wasn’t sure if i should.”
“why did you?”
“because you looked like you needed someone.” you shrug.
she glances up at you, something vulnerable showing in her eyes.
“i always do.”
that breaks something in you.
yet, neither of you move.
she sips the hot chocolate and you rest your chin on your hands.
“i missed watching you skate.” you whisper.
karina closes her eyes for a second, as if she’s allowing herself to believe you again.
“i skated better when you were here.”
you heart stutters.
it always does when she says that.
karina doesn’t look at you when she says it. she just stares down at her hands, thumbs moving over the tumbler. she looks small like this. not because she is, but because she’s tired. tired in a way that you’ve never really seen her before.
“then i guess i should’ve never left.”
she looks up. your stomach makes you feel weird in the way it always does when she looks at you like that. and she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.
“you skate like you don’t even need air.”
“i don’t. until you’re not here.” she says quietly.
there’s silence after that. you’re not sure of what to say next.
“i brought you chocolate.”
karina lets out a quiet laugh.
“you remembered?”
“of course i did. you barely eat.” you say this time.
“that’s scary.”
“what is?”
“being known.”
the way she says it makes it seem like it’s a luxury she doesn’t let herself have.
you don’t reply. you just pull out the bar and hand it to her.
“then i’ll be careful with you.” you mumble.
and that is the moment she knows she’s completely fucked.
because you’re kind and careful. and also someone else’s. and her coach’s daughter.
and she’s still never wanted to kiss someone more in her entire life.
she doesn’t say anything after that.
just keeps her eyes on the bar of chocolate like if she looks at you again, then something might break.
you don’t move either. you just sit there.
you can hear her breathing. see the way her fingers tap against the tumbler, then stop, and then start again. she’s fidgeting and that alone is strange.
“were you okay? the days i didn’t come.” you ask softly, breaking the silence.
her eyes drop.
“no.”
the honesty stings.
but she doesn’t apologize for it.
she shrugs a little, like she’s trying to play it off. “it was just… harder.”
“i’m sorry.” you nod slowly.
“i didn’t want you to feel like you had to come.”
“i didn’t. i wanted to.” you say, meeting her eyes.
her breath catches. you notice but you pretend not to.
“i used to wonder if i actually helped at all. or if i was just a distraction.”
“you weren’t.” she says immediately with no hesitation. “you aren’t. you’re…”
she trails off.
“i’m what?”
she looks back at you, but she looks scared.
“you’re part that makes it hurt less.”
and that does something to you.
you don’t say anything. you can’t, really. not when your throat feels tight and your chest is full of something you can’t name. or you’re too scared to.
so you reach over slowly, placing your fingers over hers.
she doesn’t move. her hand stays beneath yours, still and warm and trembling.
and for a moment, neither of you breathe.
then your phone buzzes on the bench behind you.
karina pulls her hand away before you could even blink.
you turn around, already knowing who it is.
karina stands and grabs her bag without saying anything.
you wish she would. you wish you could.
“thanks for the snack.”
and then she’s gone.
───────────────────────
the next day you show up earlier.
you don’t pretend it’s not for her anymore. you’re sitting in your usual seat with your blanket, tumbler, and snack beside you as you watch the skaters rotate through their drills.
but karina doesn’t come out right away.
you see her peek through the glass from the hall. you catch her gaze for a second, then she disappears.
she doesn’t return until everyone else is wrapping up.
and even then, she still doesn’t look at you.
she glides past the bench, focused with her headphones in. you try not to take it personal, but it’s hard. her eyes don’t meet yours once.
you wait until she finishes her routine. she lands the last jump perfectly. almost too perfectly. like it’s anger and not focus pushing her through it.
you stand when she skates off.
she walks past you like she didn’t see you at all.
so you follow.
“karina.”
she doesn’t turn around.
“hey— stop.”
she finally stops by the far end of the rink right by the locker hallway, but she doesn’t face you. she just stands there with her fists clenched at her sides.
you take a step closer. “are you avoiding me?”
she exhaled. “i’m not avoiding you.”
“you literally didn’t look at me all night.”
“that’s not avoidance.”
“then what is it?”
“It’s self preservation.” she snaps.
you froze.
her chest is rising and falling quickly, eyes glossy with something she’s trying hard to suppress.
“karina.”
“i can’t do this. not when i know you’re gonna leave again. not when i know who you go home to. i’m trying to stay focused. this—“ she gestures between you two. “— this messes with me.”
“so what, you’re just cutting me off?”
she looks at you like she wishes she could say no. but she says nothing.
you shake your head. “you don’t get to push me away just because you’re scared.”
“i’m not scared.” she says too fast.
“then what are you?”
silence.
she looks at you and it breaks something in both of you.
“falling.”
your heart drops.
“falling. and you’re not allowed to catch me.”
neither of you move.
everything feels louder now. her hands are shaking again and you want to grab them, tell her you're already falling too, even if you’re too much of a coward to admit it yet.
but your phone rings again.
and this time, she doesn’t wait for you to answer it.
she just walks away.
───────────────────────
the next day is cold. like always.
you’re already in the stands when karina steps into the rink, tying her jacket tighter with her head down. she’s barely slept either, but she’s used to that.
then she sees you. and her heart stops.
you’re curled up on the bleachers in the same blanket, but you look different.
you’re always soft and always quiet, but this time there’s something hollow behind your eyes.
they’re puffy. and red.
your smile is barely there.
she sees the dark circles immediately. and the way you’re not waving or calling out to her like usual. you don’t even look like you’ve eaten anything.
karina slows to a stop in the middle of the walkway, just staring at you.
she can tell that something’s wrong.
and then the sound of your father’s voice cuts through the silence.
“again!”
karina flinches.
he’s not yelling, but his tone is sharp, cutting in that way only coaches can be.
disappointment wrapped in professionalism.
“you’re stiff. you’re late on your rotations. you want to fall in front of the judges? pick it up. again.”
she doesn’t respond. just nods. she’s good at taking hits and pushing through.
but even from the bleachers, you’re watching every second like it physically hurts to witness.
karina’s eyes change to you between jumps, just once, for a second.
and you’re already looking at her.
your eyes crack in heartbreak.
like it’s killing you to see her go through this after the night you just had.
she lands the jump. barely.
your father says nothing this time, just mutters something under his breath and walks off toward the office.
karina exhales and then she looks at you.
that’s when she realizes. you weren’t just tired. you were crying.
all night.
and somehow, she knows it wasn’t just about him. it was about her, too. about everything you’re not allowed to say. about everything that she made worse by pushing you away.
her throat tightens and you try to smile at her.
you don’t even think before you stand. you just move, blanket slipping off your shoulders and your feet hitting the bleachers faster than they should. your heart was pounding in your throat like it wants to say something first.
by the time karina’s stepping off the ice, you’re already waiting by the edge with your arms crossed.
she sees you and it wrecks her.
you can tell by the way she hesitates just for a second. the way her eyes linger on your face then drop to your hands. they’re empty.
she unties her skates slowly, like she’s trying to draw out the seconds. maybe she’s hoping that you’ll leave.
you don’t.
you crouch down beside her instead and she still doesn’t look at you.
“i brought water. it’s in the stands.” you say quietly.
she doesn’t respond.
“i couldn’t sleep.” you add.
she exhales shakily. “why are you here?”
you swallow. “because i can’t not be.”
her fingers pause on her laces.
“i kept thinking about what you said. that you skated better when i was here. that this messed with you.” you continue, looking at her hands instead of her face.
she doesn’t say anything.
“do you think it doesn’t mess with me too? do you think that i don’t feel it? when you look at me like that? when you won’t look at me at all?” you whisper.
she finally looks up. and it’s all there.
the hurt. the want. the grief of something she hasn’t even let herself have yet.
“i don’t know what i’m allowed to feel when it comes to you. you’re the coaches daughter. you have a boyfriend. and i’m just—“
“stop.” you interrupt. “don’t do that. don’t reduce yourself to that.”
karina flinches.
“last night we got into an argument. i told him that it wasn’t fair. that someone else— you— make me feel more in the ten minutes after practice than he has in months.”
her lips part. she looks like she’s trying not to break.
“you’re the only person who sees me for me.”
karina swallows hard. “you can’t say things like that.”
“why not?”
“because i want to believe them.”
you both fall silent.
you don’t touch her. you don’t move. You just sit in the silence, watching the way her eyes glisten and dart to the ground like she can’t bear to look at you for too long.
“i kept waiting for it to go away. whatever this is.” she says finally.
“and?”
she looks up.
“it never did.”
your breath hitches.
neither of you say it. you don’t need to. it’s the distance neither of you dare to cross yet.
“i skated better when you were here.” she says again. like it’s a confession now.
“and i broke when you weren’t.”
this time, you don’t look away. and neither does she.
she stands first.
you think she might reach for you, but her arms stay at her sides. her fingers twitch like they want to move but don’t know how to move without ruining everything.
“i should go.” she says quietly.
“my ride’s waiting.”
you nod slowly. “okay.”
neither of you move.
there’s a second where it feels like she might stay. like she might say screw it and finally do something reckless.
but she doesn’t.
she looks at you like she’s memorizing you in case this is the last time she gets to.
“you make things better. just by being here.” she says almost too softly to hear.
and then she turns.
no goodbye. no wave.
when you finally stand, your hands shake.
because you know it’s not over.
but it hasn’t started yet, either.
it’s just waiting.
like you are.
one week before regionals.
you’re curled up in your usual spot with a tumbler of tea between your hands.
karina’s been skating for over an hour. and for once, she hasn’t looked your way.
you don’t blame her.
not really.
you told him the truth two days ago. you ended it.
but endings don’t mean freedom. not when guilt clings to you.
you’ve barely talked to her since.
not about it.
not about anything.
but you’re here. you’re always here, and she knows that.
when her routine finishes you stand without thinking, legs sore from sitting too long. you meet her by the edge of the rink. the way you always do.
you offer the water bottle without saying a word. she takes it with tired eyes, lips parted like she might say something.
but she doesn’t.
“you’re sharper today. your landings are cleaner.”
“thanks.”
just that. no warmth behind it.
you swallow it down and try again. “do you want to run through it again with music? i can play it for you.”
she hesitates before shrugging. “if you want.”
it stings a little. but you press play anyway.
and as she skates, you watch her the way you always have. you’ve seen it a million times before, but it still knocks the wind out of you every time.
because she’s beautiful.
because she’s yours in all the ways that don’t count.
and it’s killing you.
when the music fades you’re already moving to meet her again. she unlaces her skates in silence.
you crouch beside her like you did the last time, and you’ll probably keep doing it until she tells you not to.
“you don’t have to keep showing up.”
“i want to.”
she glances at you quickly.
“you’re going through stuff too.” she says.
“so are you.”
for a second, she just stares.
“does it hurt?”
“what?”
“the breakup.”
“yeah.” you don’t lie.
she nods once. slowly.
then she says your name like it’s fragile. like if she speaks it too loud you might shatter.
“i hate that it hurts. but i don’t regret it.” she mumbles.
you stare at her.
and you know. you know she’s not just talking about the breakup.
you know she means this. you. whatever’s going on between you two that neither of you fully touch yet.
“me neither.”
she doesn’t touch you.
you don’t ask her to stay.
you just sit side by side on the cold floor of the empty rink, hearts quietly breaking for each other in a way that feels like a promise. even if neither of you said the words.
it happened four days before regionals.
it was so fast that you barely registered it.
your dad’s voice was sharp as it echoed through the rink. words like focus, sloppy, and disappointment cut through the air with every frustrated step he took.
karina stands perfectly still on the ice, arms stiff at her sides.
she doesn’t look at him.
she doesn’t look at you either.
“again. and this time, land the jump like someone who actually wants to qualify.” he barks.
you open your mouth like you were about to say something. but you don’t. you know better than to poke the fire when it’s this close to regionals. so you stay still and bite your tongue until it tastes like metal.
karina just nods quietly.
like always.
like she’s learned to.
she runs the routine again.
it’s not bad.
but it’s not perfect. and he lets her know.
another critique and another sigh. then he walks away without even a good job to soften the blow.
you hear the door to the rink slam shut behind him.
and then it’s silent.
karina glides off the ice and sits on the bench without a word, untying her skates with trembling fingers.
you approach carefully.
she doesn’t look at you.
“i can’t do this.”
it’s so quiet you almost miss it.
her voice breaks on the last word, and she’s leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, hands gripping her hair like she’s trying to hold herself together.
your chest hurts.
you kneel in front of her without thinking.
“karina—”
“i can’t breathe anymore. every time i mess up it’s like— he looks at me like i’m wasting everyone’s time. like i’m not worth it.” she chokes out.
“hey. that’s not true.” you whisper, reaching up slowly but not touching her.
tears fall down her face, but she doesn’t wipe them. “i’ve done everything. i’ve pushed myself so hard i can’t even feel my legs anymore, and it’s still not enough.”
“you are enough.”
she shakes her head. “i’m so tired. and i don’t even know why i’m still trying. i keep thinking maybe… maybe if i do it perfectly, just once, someone will finally say i did good.” she whispers, voice trembling.
you feel your heart break. because you know that feeling.
so this time, you do reach for her.
you hand lands lightly on her knee. “i see you. i’ve seen you this whole time.”
karina finally looks up.
it looks like she’s been holding this in for years.
“you skate like it means something. i don’t care if you fall or if it’s messy. or if my dad doesn’t say anything. i’ll always think you’re perfect.”
she blinks and more tears slip down. then her lip quivers.
and then carefully and hesitantly, karina leans forward and rests her forehead on your shoulder. its not a hug but it’s close.
you don’t move.
you just stay there with her in the silence, letting her fall apart without asking her to stop.
because she’s always been the strong one. and maybe this once she needed someone to hold the weight.
───────────────────────
it’s late when your phone buzzes.
you’re still awake, staring at the ceiling. you’ve been replaying the moment in the rink all evening. the way her forehead pressed to your shoulder like she was scared to go any closer.
you reach for your phone.
karina
are you still up?
you sit up instantly.
you
yeah. are you okay?
there’s a pause. it’s long enough that you start to wonder if she’s fallen asleep.
karina
can you come over? i don’t want to be alone tonight.
and in less than fifteen minutes later she opens the door in an oversized sweatshirt and leggings. her hair was pulled back messily.
you love her so much in that moment it actually hurts.
“hi.” you say softly.
karina steps aside to let you in.
“you didn’t have to come.”
“you asked.”
she doesn’t argue.
her skates are drying by the heater, and sits cross legged on her bed. you follow hesitantly, leaving just enough space between you to make her feel safe.
“thank you.” she mumbled.
“for what?”
“for being there today. i don’t think i could’ve kept it together if you weren’t.” she shrugged.
“you don’t always have to keep it together.”
“yeah. try telling my brain that.”
“he was hard on you today.” you say after a while.
karina nods, looking down. “he’s always been that way. but i guess it hit harder today.”
you watch her for a moment.
“i already think the world of you.” you say without thinking.
karina blinks, breath hitching.
and she leans in. just a little.
“if i ask you to stay… will you?”
you don’t hesitate.
“i’m already here.”
and you don’t know what time it is now.
only that the world has gone still.
karina hasn’t moved in a while. not since she adjusted the blanket over your legs. she’s barely said anything, really. but she hasn’t stopped looking at you.
and you haven’t stopped pretending you don’t notice.
you should go.
you tell yourself that again and again, but instead you turn your head and find her already watching you. her lips were parted like she was about to say something but changed her mind.
“what?” you whisper.
she shakes her head. “nothing.”
you hesitate.
“you can say it.”
karina’s eyes search yours, and for a second it looks like she might. like she’ll confess something. or maybe let go of something she’s been holding in for so long.
instead, she mumbles. “i skate better when you’re here.” she says again.
“i’ll be here. if you want me to.” you say.
“that’s the problem.”
your heart stutters.
she doesn’t explain. but she doesn’t have to.
you’re the coach’s daughter and she has a championship to win. and yet, you’re here.
and she wants you.
you’re both still sitting close, knees brushing under the blanket. close enough to kiss if you leaned in just a little.
and maybe she’s thinking the same thing. because she leans in.
barely.
barely enough that it could be a dream.
your breath catches.
your eyes flutter down to her mouth. and she hesitates.
she sits there, fingers twitching like she wants to reach for your hand.
but instead of kissing you, karina leans in further and folds herself into you.
her arms go around your waist, gentle and unsure.
her face buries into your neck.
and you hold her without saying a word. you let her heart beat against yours. your fingers find the edge of her sleeve and just stay there, gripping gently.
you don’t move after that. neither of you do.
you’re half-asleep when you feel her exhale against your neck.
her arms tightened slightly around you, and her forehead rests just beneath your jaw now. her warm breath fans your collarbone.
“i don’t know how to stop wanting you.”
you freeze. not all the way, but enough. enough that your breath stutters.
you don’t breathe for a full second after she says it.
you wonder if she even knows she said it or if it slipped through the cracks of exhaustion and everything else that she’s been holding in.
you feel her body relax against yours a moment later. her breathing slows. she’s asleep.
and you’re still wide awake, repeating her words in your head.
you close your eyes and press your cheek lightly to the top of her head.
“i don’t want you to stop.”
she doesn’t stir. she doesn’t answer.
maybe she won’t remember the words she said. maybe she won’t remember yours. but you will. you always will.
───────────────────────
the rink is full of silence. when you arrive you just stand there and watch her for a moment.
karina is skating slow mindless loops, nothing like her usual precision. she’s moving like she’s trying to outrun invisible. you know what it is. because you heard it.
your father’s voice still rings in your ears, loud and relentless. it was another round of “you’re still not landing clean” and “if you’re gonna do that tomorrow, don’t even bother showing up.” it was another night where she nodded without speaking, biting her tongue hard enough to keep the tears from slipping out.
you didn’t interfere. you never do. but you watch. you always watch.
and maybe that’s why you’re here now, stepping through the gap in the railing and walking out onto the empty rink.
she doesn’t notice you right away. her eyes are focused elsewhere and her gaze is distant. you wonder if she even feels her skates gliding beneath her anymore, or if she’s somewhere else completely. a place where no one’s yelling.
you kneel at the edge of the rink. “karina?”
she slows instantly, head snapping toward your voice like muscle memory.
“hey.” you say softly.
she looks at you for a moment.
“you— uh— your dad said that you left.” she says. her voice is quieter than usual.
“i came back.”
she skates closer, finally stepping off the ice. she doesn’t sit, she just stands in front of you while hugging herself.
“you saw.”
“i did.”
karina lets out a humorless laugh and looks away. “whatever. i’ve had worse.
“that doesn’t make it okay.”
her eyes flicker back to yours. there’s a flash of something there but she looks down quickly, beginning to untie her boots.
“you were good today. better than good.”
“not good enough.”
“for him. but you don’t skate for him.”
her hands fall away from her laces. she straightens slowly and finally looks at you. there’s something about her expression, like she’s trying to figure out whether to let this moment happen or shut it down.
“and who do i skate for then?” she asks. your heart skips. “i don’t know. but when you skate, i can feel it. the emotion. it’s indescribable.” you mumble.
karina swallows.
you take a step forward, closing the space between you.
“but i can see it.”
“you always show up when i need you most. even when you don’t know it.” she whispered after a bit.
“what, are you keeping track?” you laughed.
she hums. “maybe.”
you don’t know that she cried last night. that her hands shook as she held the letter. she read the email from the coach six times before your dad finally admit that he recommended her. that she almost said no.
almost.
you also don’t know this might be the last time she skates in front of you.
not yet.
“you nervous about tomorrow?”
“you’re the one competing.”
“yeah, but… i skate better when you’re here.”
there it is again. the quiet truth that she keeps letting slip piece by piece.
you don’t know how to answer, so you just stay silent. karina’s blades click softly against the ice before she kicks them off and pulls on her sneakers.
then she’s looking at you again. the look that always makes your heart clench a little too tight.
“you ever think about what happens after regionals?” she asks suddenly.
“like nationals?” she hesitates.
“no. i mean like… after us. after the season ends.”
you pause. “i haven’t. not really. why?”
but she’s already looking away, shoulders tense in a way that makes your stomach twist.
“you okay?”
“i just… it doesn’t matter.”
it does matter. you know it does, but you don’t push. instead, you laugh quietly.
“you’ll win tomorrow.”
she laughs a little brokenly. “that’s not what i’m worried about.”
you don’t ask what it is. because maybe you’re scared to hear the answer.
karina fiddles with the edge of her sleeve with her eyes fixed on the rink, but her focus is elsewhere.
“you sure you’re okay?” you ask again, softer now.
she inhales. her throat bobs as she swallows.
“i got an offer. to train in america.” she says finally.
“america?”
“yeah.”
“for summer training?”
“no. like— move there. train full time. i’d be part of a national development program.”
your stomach drops. “oh.”
“it’s… huge. like, dream level. career changing.”
“wow. that’s amazing.”
and it is. it is. but you feel the words hurting in your throat like they’re glass.
karina’s fingers flex against her knee. “i leave monday.”
silence crashes over you.
“oh.” you say again, because it’s all you can say. your voice barely comes out. she finally turns to look at you. and this time, she looks right at you.
“i wasn’t going to tell you. i didn’t want to ruin tomorrow. but then you showed up and i… i needed tonight.” she says.
your heart twists.
“so this is goodbye?” you ask and you hate how small you sound. karina’s jaw clenches. “don’t say it like that.”
“how am i supposed to say it?”
you get ready to leave and she follows.
“i didn’t ask for this. i didn’t want to leave. but your dad— he pushed for it. he said it was the only way i’d make it.” she says.
your eyes sting. “and you didn’t tell me?”
“i didn’t want to make it harder.”
“it already is.”
she’s standing right behind you now. you can feel the warmth of her breath on your shoulder.
“i would stay. if i could. i almost did.” she whispers.
you turn to face her and she’s right there. closer than she’s ever been. her eyes flick to your lips once and that’s all it takes.
you kiss her.
it’s instinctual. you don’t even mean for it to happen. you just do it. a gentle kiss pressed to her lips.
she goes very still.
you pull back the second you realize what you’ve done, already panicking.
“i— i’m sorry. that was— god, i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have—“
she grabs your wrist and pulls you in again.
she pulls you back in like she’s starved for you. your back hits the rink railing with a thud and the cold metal shocks you through your shirt, but you don’t even register it. not when she’s kissing you this messily, frantically, and desperately.
her hands are everywhere. gripping into your hair, hugging the curve of your waist, keeping herself against your hips like she’s scared that you might disappear if she lets go. and maybe she is. maybe she knows.
“karina—” you gasp in between kisses, but she cuts you off with another kiss.
“i shouldn’t. you’re the coach’s daughter. i shouldn’t—“ she murmurs against your lips, but she doesn’t stop.
she pulls back long enough to look at you, eyes revealing that she’s trying to memorize this moment. and then she kisses you again. harder.
her hands slide under your jaw, cupping your face like it’s fragile, even though she kisses you like you aren’t.
the railing rattles under your grip as your body arches into hers, needing her closer before this all slips through your fingers.
because she’s leaving soon. because this ends soon. and you both feel it.
that’s why she kisses you like this. like she’s trying to carve the memory into her brain. like she’s terrified that this might the only time that she’ll ever get to touch you like this, and she needs to make it count.
“i’m so scared. i could win everything and i’m scared of what happens if i lose you after.” she whispers, forehead against yours.
you don’t answer.
you just hold her tighter.
you stay like that. pressed between her and the railing until the lights in the rink finally begin to dim for the night.
and she pulls back, with teary eyes.
“come tomorrow. please.”
you nod.
three months after regionals.
karina didn’t mean to come back to korea for long. it was just a short break so she could breathe again. she told everyone it was to reset. to clear her head before the next competition cycle. but no amount of sleep, early morning runs or phone calls with her mother, can ever fix the ache that settled in her chest three months ago.
not since she left you.
now she walks through familiar streets with a scarf tucked around her neck, hands in her coat pockets. she doesn’t tell anyone where she’s going. just says she’s going out for a bit and slips away before anyone can ask too many questions. her feet know the route before she does. every turn.
the closer she gets to the rink, the quieter her thoughts become. she pauses at the entrance for a long time, fingers stuck at the metal door handle. thr old banner hanging above the entrance has started to peel at the corners and a few letters faded. but it’s the same. everything is the same.
except her.
when she steps inside, it hits her all at once. the soft echo of her own footsteps against the floor reminds her of it all. this is where she became who she is.
and this is where she left the person who made her feel like herself.
she doesn't lace up her skates. doesn’t even sit down. she just walks the edge of the rink slowly, one hand following the railing. she can see her reflection staring back at her in the glass. she’s more tired and her eyes are flooded with something deeper than exhaustion.
she stops near the bench where she used to sit after practice. the same bench where you handed her water bottles, chocolates, and hand warmers. the same place where she started to let herself hope.
her chest tightens.
she doesn’t know what she was expecting. a sense of closure? a ghost of you?
but instead. you’re really there.
like no time has passed at all. like a prayer she didn’t know that she was still saying. and she can feel herself breathing again.
at first, she thinks she’s imagining you.
you’re sitting on one of the benches, and your coat is pulled tight. your hands tucked into your sleeves and there's a water bottle resting beside you.
her heart stutters.
she blinks hard. more than once. and you’re still there.
she opens her mouth before she can stop herself, voice shaky and unsure for the first time in months. “…y/n?”
you look up. and that’s all it takes. karina swallows hard, taking a step forward. “is it really you?”
you nod slowly. like you can’t believe she’s real either.
“i didn’t think you’d be here.” you say quietly.
“i didn’t think you would.” she answers. “i was just just… I was passing by. I didn’t mean to—”
“you always pass by when you’re thinking too much.”
she huffs out a breath that was almost a laugh. her eyes are glassy now and she tries to blink it away but it clings.
“you look the same. but different.” she says.
“so do you.”
she hesitates before asking. “can i… come closer?” you don’t answer right away. you just shift slightly to the side on the bench to make space for her. that’s all she needs.
she walks across the empty floor slowly, skates swinging from one hand. she sits beside you, like the months between now and the last time meant nothing. or maybe they meant everything.
she finally breaks the silence with a voice that was barely above a whisper. “i skate better when you’re here.”
you turn to her and she’s already looking at you. “i don’t know why i said that,” she adds, flustered now.
but you do. you know exactly why.
you lean your shoulder against hers and she leans back, like muscle memory.
neither of you speak again for a long time. but the familiarity of the silence is inevitable. like no matter how far you run, this was always where you’d end up.
jimin turned 25 yesterday. what about her celebration caused you to wake up in her sheets?
cw. light swearing, mentions of dying/kms jokes (happens only like once i swear)
tags. non idol!karina x fem!reader, friends to lovers, cooper is mentioned once, aeri is practically their cupid
a/n. everyone shut up its yu jimin's day (and user synkqngels tumblr comeback 💔) this isn't proofread bcs it's like 4am and the ending is SO ass oh my hod i apologise deeply
pain is the first thing you feel as you come to your senses — your head is throbbing, and you swear you feel dried drool on your cheek as you rub your eyes. the sheets feel..cooler, softer, against your body as you cradle your aching head in your hands. your bed feels strange— the duvet feels heavier and the sheets too soft and the mattress strangely hard. taking a deep breath in, you count to five.
after five, i'll open my eyes. fuck, i need ibuprofen.
one.
in — out. your chest heaves with every pained breath.
two.
three.
four.
i'm going to be sick, you think to yourself.
five.
you peek from behind your closed fingers, pulling the covers back. the room is…obviously not your own, and you're met with the sight of someone’s back; not bare, thank god, but you're still in bed with someone. you're still in bed with someone following a birthday party involving alcohol, none the less. somehow, the shock of your surroundings outweighs the hangover.
and the faint smell of blackberry with a hint of bay leaves hits you. groaning, you roll over to face the other side; the side which wasn't facing the unforgiving sunlight. your eyes squeezed tightly shut, you silently curse yourself for your actions the prior night. ears ringing and body aching and weak, the only option left for you is to go back to sleep.
something feels missing, however. your body is cold rather than warm.
“i'm twenty-five now, im getting old.”
jimin huffed, however her lips were pulled into a toothy grin as she clinked her glass against your own before she downed her drink. you watch as she giggles at something aeri said. jimin’s appearance is comical: glittery birthday hat and a chrome silver sash reading: ‘birthday girl’, but despite this, she doesn't look odd or silly at all.
you're tired.
it's a friday, the last day of the week that you have to work, the weight of the past five days weighs heavy on your shoulders. face flushed and red from the alcohol in your system, your dulled senses allow you to effortlessly converse with the group— even with the morsel of goguma cake you've bitten off in your mouth.
laughter bubbles up around the table, stories from each girl’s week float around; from what happened at yizhuo’s fashion school, to the squirrel cooper had chased up a tree on his last walk to minjeong’s inability to do her own makeup. nodding and smiling absentmindedly, you laugh along with them, sharing your thoughts and input. the cakes slight sweetness leaves your throat tingling slightly.
as if noticing your behaviour, minjeong nudges your shoulder. “you okay?”
you nod and offer her a smile. “just a little tired,”
maybe thirty minutes had passed since then, maybe it had been an hour— or two, but the buzz had softened, the apartment quiet (and the cake long finished).
minjeong had decided to leave first; then it was ning, who decided to leave with the former to save money on an uber, or something.
and then there were three: you, aeri, and jimin.
with your head rested against the table’s cool surface, you missed aeri as she gathered her belongings. the redhead had leaned into jimin’s side, whispering something in her ear. pulling away, she slipped her shoes back on by the front door, calling out a, “yn! i'm going home, i'll text you later!” before the door clicked shut.
you had missed the way jimin had flushed red at aeri’s words.
the next thing you know, she placed a hand on the small of your back, coaxing you into her arms. the overwhelming scent of her perfume hits you almost instantly as her arms wrap around you: blackberry with hints of bay leaf.
fuck, i'm done for.
wallowing in your pain, you force yourself to open your eyes once more. right, it was jimin’s birthday party. you were drunk, how could you have possibly driven yourself home?
it hits you then.
the woman next to you, you notice, has pale skin and a blunt, black bob cut. you had never left jimin’s place after all. the perfume from earlier: blackberry— jimin. it's jimin’s perfume. oh, god.
the realisation and shock alone is enough to make you sit up and stare at the person next to you, no, jimin— before taking in a breath you didn't even realise you were holding. thank god she's a deep sleeper, and thank god she wakes up late. then, in another wave of realisation, you glance down at your attire— sleepwear.
a hand flies up to your mouth as you procure not to scream: she saw you naked. no, she didn't just see you naked— yu jimin had undressed you and put clothes on you last night. holy fuck.
this thought alone is enough to shake you completely awake as you scramble out of jimin's bed, tripping over yourself to change back into your own clothes. shit, shit, shit! you silently curse at yourself, albeit silently as you hurriedly slip your shoes back on and dash out the front door.
your headache from earlier long forgotten, you rummage through your purse for your car keys. the elevator dings and comes to a stop. and when the doors finally open, you dash out the apartment lobby as if jimin was going to appear right behind you if you wasted any time. after fighting with your jammed car door for another minute, you start the engine and let your head fall against the steering wheel.
and you yell.
in frustration and confusion, you scream against the leather wheel and kick your legs. “oh my god, i'm gonna kill myself, this is so embarrassing!” it's comical, really, and to anyone walking by, you look borderline insane. “how do i face her now?!”
(in hindsight, you don't. you don't face her.)
-
jimin wakes up alone.
she stares at the cold space on her mattress for a while, before noticing the neatly folded sleepwear resting on top of the pile in her laundry basket.
her morning doesn't change — she brushes her teeth, cleans the place a little before sitting at her kitchen island with a cup of green tea. opening her phone with a huff, she taps on aeri’s contact.
jiminie: ur actually evil - sent at 11:04 AM.
aerichan: oops! - sent at 11:05 AM. read at 11:05AM
no new messages from the group chat, a few happy birthday messages from relatives and acquaintances that she passively responds to before her manicured thumb hovers over your contact. her lips are bitten; her mind is at the crossroads. fuck it. after typing out a short, “thanks for coming, y/nie,” jimin shuts her phone off, finishing the rest of her tea.
-
to tell the truth, you saw the message and just didn't bother opening it. how could you, anyways? you let yourself, drunk and inebriated, find solace and warmth in the bed of your own best friend (of five years, no less), and now you're reaping the consequences of your actions.
the consequences, however, is the gnawing shame and feeling of impending doom. the feeling of: ‘holy fuck, jimin knows. jimin knows i like her and there's nothing i can do about it.’
“i'm so stupid.” you whine into your pillow, throwing your phone across the bed. “i wanna die.”
‘you're overthinking it.’ is what aeri had told you over the phone earlier. “she doesn't get it. it is that bad.”
-
over time, your replies to jimin's messages lessened until you stopped.
you stopped replying, returning her calls, and eventually reading her messages.
“it's actually killing me!” jimin groaned, venting to aeri over beer and some tteokbokki she'd ordered from the shop near her apartment complex. “i messed up! it's your fault, i hate you.” she took another sip from the can, the liquid burning her throat as she leaned against her couch.
“she hates me now.” she sulked. “i'm never taking advice from you again.”
rolling her eyes, aeri took a swig from her own can, crinkling her nose at the sensation of the cool liquid. “i swear, you're so extra, jimin.” she lunges forward, playfully hitting the older girl on the back. an attempt to lighten the mood. “you're overcomplicating things.”
“just wait it out.”
-
another week passed, your game of cat and mouse growing more intense. but it you're not opening up to jimin, she's coming to you. she bangs on the front door of your apartment, a bouquet of tulips and a bag filled with candy clutched in her other hand. “y/nie! it's jimin, can you open the door?”
when she's met with silence, jimin doesn't back down. instead, she continues knocking, hellbent on reaching you.
another minute of silence passes. something isn't right.
eyebrows furrowed, she searches for the spare key you'd mentioned to her once. jimin pulls the silver key from under your doormat and mentally applauds herself for her discovery — as if any norma person wouldn't think to check under the doormat. she pushes the door open and slips her shoes off, quietly as to not disturb you.
“hello? y/n?”
no response again. weird.
the door to your room is slightly ajar, and jimin’s met with the sight of you bedridden, tissuebox resting atop your bedside table. her eyes widen and she's by your side in a second, already pressing the back of her palm against your forehead. “oh my god, are you okay?” jimin gasps, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pulled into a frown. “you're burning up.”
“why are you here…?” you mumble, wrinkling your nose at the contrast in temperature: her cool hand against your burning forehead. it feels gross. you feel gross, with your baby hairs sticking to your skin uncomfortably, your throat scratchy and your lips unusually dry. why is she..?
jimin’s frown deepens. “you were ignoring me.” moving your hair out of your face, she continues. “ever since my birthday, you've been ignoring me.”
the fever is rendering you unable to form a coherent thought and youre delirious. at this point, you're only able to come clean— it's impossible to hide a secret for jimin, and before you're able to stop yourself, it comes out at once. “i'm sorry— i really, really like you, like, ever since last year i've liked you! i'm sorrypleasedonthateme.”
breathless, you blink at her pathetically as she kneels at your bedside.
“you're so stupid.”
“what?”
“why do you think i did that, huh?” jimin huffs. “i literally sent everyone else home so you could stay with me.”
the silence that follows her admission is deafening. you're only able to stare at her in shock as you process it. “you…”
she cuts you off, moving to hold your hand. “yes, i like you. but i'm still mad at you for ignoring me. i hate you for that.” jimin wraps her arms around your frail body, letting her sickeningly sweet fragrance cling to the air, now softer. “but i was worried, so worried.”
yes, jimin was supposed to give you medicine, but for now, you seemed content with her embrace and warmth.
synopsis : you swore on your homies life jimins car wasnt there when you reversed. now you have to face the consequences of being jimins slave for the whole summer
a/n : IM BACK GUYS I FINISHED HIGHSCHOOL WOWOWOWOWOWO. i have a sophia fic cooking up in the oven pls give me motivation to write
the sun rays burns down on the pavement. casting shimmering heat waves off the rows of parked cars infront of the supermarket. the air smells like asphalt and faintly of gasoline. tension in the air so thick it might as well be solid and yet. none of it compares to the suffocating weight in your chest as you stare, in horror, at the very expensive, very sleek, very ruined black car in front of you.
you really didn’t mean to do it.
you swear on your mom’s life you didn’t.
but the horrifying crunch of metal against metal still rings in your ears. vibrating through your bones like the aftershock of an earthquake. your hands are frozen on the wheel, white-knuckled, and your breath catches somewhere between your ribs as you take in the undeniable dent you just gifted this beautiful, angry looking machine.
“oh. oh no. oh my god. i did not just—” you breathe out. stomach twisting in sheer horror. this wasn’t supposed to happen. you were supposed to run a quick errand. buy groceries for your mom. go home and continue your harry potter marathon. not this.
“stupid,” you mutter, smacking your forehead with the heel of your palm. “stupid, stupid, stupid—”
before you can even process your next move, the driver’s door swings open with a force that makes you flinch.
yu. fucking. jimin.
the richest kid in school. the kind of rich that makes people whisper behind her back, half in awe, half in resentment.
her dad owns the most luxurious country club in town. which of course, makes her the best golfer in school. not because she loves it, but because she was practically raised on the green. probably holding a club before she could even walk. she walks through the halls like she owns them (and maybe she does).
her head high, expression unreadable, never wasting words on people she doesn’t deem worth her time. she only keeps a tight circle. four friends. untouchable. (though one of them is your partner in chemistry , minjeong whose company you enjoy alot and you dont understand how a soft girl like her is best friends with jimin).
she gets whatever she wants. people trip over themselves to be on her good side. and when they're not? well. she makes them regret it. and right now, judging by the absolute murder in her eyes, you are very much not on her good side.
your brain short-circuits, all logical thought thrown straight out the window. your vision tunnels, your stomach flips, and before you can even register what’s happening, your head tips forward, smacking against the steering wheel.
the horn blares, loud and jarring, slicing through the summer air like a knife.
you jolt upright immediately, blinking fast, your heartbeat thundering in your ears. the world is still spinning, and yet one thing remains painfully clear. you are so, so screwed.
jimin stands there, arms crossed, sunglasses perched on her head, dark hair gleaming in the sunlight like something out of a goddamn magazine. the breeze tousles a few loose strands around her face. but her eyes dark, and burning with barely restrained fury stay locked on the damage, as if she’s willing the dent to disappear through sheer force of her eyes. her top tightly hugs her frame that almost made you pass out again
she exhales sharply, running a hand through her hair. the strands slip through her fingers effortlessly, like silk, and it almost distracts you from the murder written all over her expression. almost.
“you have got to be fucking kidding me,” she seethes. voice low. deadly.
her posture is stiff, shoulders squared, one perfectly manicured hand resting on her hip. the subtle shift of her weight onto one leg makes her stance look effortless, like she owns the entire parking lot and by extension, your life.
you, on the other hand, are still frozen in your car like a complete idiot.
“get. out.”
you scramble to obey. nearly getting tangled in your seatbelt in your rush. your sneakers scrape against the pavement as you finally step out. the heat hitting you full force, and you’re suddenly hyperaware of how dry your mouth is.
“okay, okay, before you, um, say anything…, i just wanna say that i deeply regret my actions and—”
“regret?” she scoffs. taking a slow, deliberate step forward. “you wrecked my car, hotshot. i don’t care about your regret. i care about my bumper.”
your nose scrunches. “hotshot?”
jimin tilts her head, mock innocence dripping with venom. “oh, is that not what they call you?”
your jaw clenches. face heating even more than it already was under the sun. “that’s uncalled for.”
“so was your car slamming into mine,” she deadpans.
“technically,” you start, trying desperately to ease the tension, “it’s my bumper that—”
“do not finish that sentence unless you want to die in this parking lot.”
you snap your mouth shut. “right. totally fair.”
jimin pinches the bridge of her nose. her patience clearly wearing thin. the sharp inhale she takes in through her nose is slow, measured, like she’s actively resisting the urge to strangle you.
“do you even have insurance?”
your stomach sinks. “…define insurance?”
the laugh that escapes her is dry, humorless, and a little terrifying. “oh, this is gonna be fun.”
you shift awkwardly on your feet. the asphalt radiating heat through the soles of your shoes. sweat drips down the back of your neck, and you resist the urge to wipe it away, because somehow, looking nervous in front of her feels even worse than actually being nervous.
“sooo… how much are we talkin’?” you try, forcing out a bright, if not completely panicked chuckle. “like, damage-wise? i-i can pay you back. eventually. probably.”
“no. no probably.”
her voice is steel, and when you look up, her arms are crossed again, her nails tapping against her elbow. she’s still looking at you like you just ran over her childhood pet, and it’s making your stomach churn.
“you will pay me back,” she continues, voice calm, controlled. and then, a smirk, slow and wicked, curls onto her lips. “or else.”
your pulse stutters. “or else… what?”
she leans in, just slightly, and suddenly, she’s everywhere. her scent, something expensive and infuriatingly pleasant, wrapping around you like a trap. your breath catches. it’s distracting, the way she moves, the effortless confidence. the quiet kind of power that makes your stomach twist.
“or else you’ll regret ever stepping behind a wheel, sweetheart.”
your mouth goes dry.
jimin is close, too close, and the sun catches on the sharp angles of her face, highlighting the slight arch of her brow, the press of her lips, the way her eyes are practically daring you to push your luck. your fingers twitch at your sides, and you swallow. you don’t know whether to be terrified or intrigued. maybe both.
“give me your number,” the warmth of her breath ghosts over your skin, and your brain short-circuits for a second. her perfume is something delicate yet undeniably expensive, the kind that lingers, the kind that’ll stick to your clothes if you stand here any longer.
you fumble with your phone, fingers clumsy, pulse hammering against your ribs. she watches, amused, and somehow, that makes it worse.
“i’ll text you all the details so get ready for one hell of a summer”
last night, at exactly midnight, an unknown number texted you. right of the bat you knew it was her. she texted you a demented and threatening text you’ve come to expect from her.
“tmrw 9am sharp at the country club. dress accordingly. don’t be late or i’ll make sure you regret ever stepping foot on a basketball court again.”
she knew exactly what she was doing, sending that text just late enough to ruin a good night’s sleep. you woke up dreading the day ahead, and now, you’re actually living it. the frustration settles in again like a second wave, thick and inescapable. you hate the stupid country club. hate the stupid sun burning the back of your neck. hate the stupid heavy golf bag on your shoulder. and jimin
…okay, maybe hate is a strong word.
but considering how smug she looks right now. immaculate as ever in a crisp white polo that fits her perfectly, tucked into an infuriatingly short skirt that only accentuates her toned legs. and goddamn those thighs– you think she deserves at least a little bit of it.
the way the country club aesthetic should be obnoxious but somehow works flawlessly on her only adds to your growing irritation. the neatly pressed uniform, the poised stance, the effortless air of privilege. even the faintest scent of something expensive. probably a perfume that costs more than your debt clings to her like an afterthought.
it's annoying.
she doesn’t even have to try.
jimin shifts her weight slightly, rolling her shoulders back as she adjusts her golf glove with slow, deliberate movements. she does everything with an infuriating sense of ease, like she knows she’s being watched and thrives on it. her fingers flex slightly before she pulls the glove snug, and when she finally turns to look at you, there’s a flicker of something in her gaze—amusement, condescension, curiosity. all neatly wrapped in a bow of insufferable confidence.
"this is actual, real-life torture," you grumble, adjusting the strap of the golf bag for what feels like the hundredth time as you follow her across the pristine green. the weight digs into your shoulder, pressing into already-sore muscles, and you know tomorrow will be hell. "can’t you just, i don’t know, get one of the employees to do this?"
jimin doesn’t even spare you a glance as she steps onto the tee box, stretching her arms above her head in a slow, languid motion. the movement elongates her frame, revealing a glimpse of her toned stomach, muscles flexing subtly under smooth skin. your throat goes dry, warmth creeping up your neck as you try, really try, not to react. you snap your gaze toward the horizon, willing yourself to think of anything else, but the image lingers stubbornly.
jimin, of course, is fully aware. she drops her arms with an easy grace, a knowing look flickering in her eyes before she turns away, the corner of her lips curving just slightly. not quite a smirk, but something close, something taunting. she rolls her wrists, settling into position like nothing happened, like she didn’t just momentarily wreck your focus with a stretch. "the employees," she says smoothly, rolling her wrist as she grips the club, "are not in debt to me for crashing into my car."
you groan, adjusting the heavy golf bag filled with clubs on your shoulder. easing the discomfort "you are never gonna let that go, are you?"
"not until you pay me back. and at the rate you’re going, that might take a while, hotshot." her voice is as sweet as honey but edged with superiority, like she’s savoring every second of your misery.
you clench your jaw. hotshot. again.
"you have to stop calling me that," you mutter, setting the bag down next to the tee box with more force than necessary, the weight making your arms ache.
except jimin isn’t looking at the bag. she’s watching you, the way your muscles shift as you move, the barely concealed strain in your shoulders. there’s something almost delighted in her gaze, like she’s found a new source of entertainment.
"oh? why? does it bother you?" she asks, plucking a driver from the bag with an ease that only irritates you further. the way her toned arms flex with the motion doesn't help either. she knows exactly what she’s doing, and judging by the quirk of her lips, she’s enjoying every second of your discomfort.
you narrow your eyes, crossing your arms. "it’s inaccurate."
she hums, lining up her shot, an infuriating smirk ghosting over her lips. "hmm. i disagree. you think you’re hot shit on the court, don’t you?"
her stance shifts slightly, feet planting firmly into the grass as she squares her shoulders. the way she moves is calculated. each adjustment precise, deliberate. you watch as her fingers curl around the grip, her knuckles flexing slightly as she angles her wrists just so. the air around her feels different in moments like this, a sharp contrast to the casual arrogance she usually wears like a second skin.
before you can respond, she swings. smooth. effortless. perfect.
the club slices through the air with a quiet whisper, and the ball soars down the course, landing dead center on the fairway. jimin straightens, tilting her head as she finally turns to look at you, self-satisfaction radiating from every inch of her.
"well?" she asks, the challenge clear in her voice.
you blink. what was the question again?
you clear your throat, forcing your expression into something unimpressed. "eh. i’ve seen better."
jimin steps closer, and you swear there’s something different in her movements now. something looser, almost playful. she twirls the club in her hands, letting it dig into the ground after catching it again. she rests on one leg as the other twists over another and leaned onto the club. "oh? who?"
you open your mouth, but nothing comes out.
she smirks. "thought so."
your cheeks heat for some stupid reason, and you quickly turn to grab the golf bag. except you miscalculate the weight, and the sudden shift nearly sends you stumbling forward. you barely catch yourself, muscles straining as you regain control, arms flexing instinctively.
jimin doesn’t say anything.
which is weird. because jimin always has something snarky to say.
when you glance up, you catch her staring. her gaze flickers, just for a second, down to your arms. subtle, almost unnoticeable, but you see it. the faintest parting of her lips, the quick inhale. a hesitation she probably isn’t even aware of.
you blink.
she blinks.
and just like that, her usual sharp expression returns, like she wasn’t just caught red-handed checking you out.
"keep up, caddy," she says coolly, turning on her heel. walking ahead of you
but her voice isn’t as sharp as before. slightly wavering and breathless.
you squint at her.
that was definitely something.
you hoist the golf bag onto your shoulder with a frustrated sigh, muttering under your breath as you follow after her. "this is gonna be the worst summer of my life."
she doesn’t turn around, but you swear you see the tiniest smirk.
the day only got worse from there. as if lugging around a golf bag that felt like it was stuffed with bricks wasn’t enough, you quickly learned that being jimin’s caddy also meant serving as her personal errand runner. every time she hit a ball off-course. which, to your growing dismay, was more often than you expected. she’d wave you off with a casual, “go fetch.”
and so, you trudged through endless patches of rough, waded through ankle-deep ponds, and even had to dig through bushes that seemed personally offended by your presence. at one point, you nearly lost your footing in a muddy ditch, and when you glanced back at jimin for some semblance of pity, she was too busy taking pictures. of you.
she was documenting your suffering.
"you’re actually evil," you huffed, you grumble, wiping a streak of dirt from your cheek with the back of your hand.
jimin forces her expression into something neutral, trying not to squeal at how adorable you look with a streak of dirt near where you just rubbed. ignoring the way her pulse has picked up.
"oh, come on, hotshot. i’m giving you a real athlete’s workout,” her voice comes out smoother than she expects, she can feel a slight waver in her voice. adjusting her visor with a smile that was entirely too pleased seeing you all dirty. she watches you bend down again, muscles flexing under that stupidly tight shirt. the sun clings to your skin, highlighting every sharp dip and defined ridge of your back as you drag another golf ball out of the mud.
before she can think twice she snaps another photo and sends it away into the groupchat. Her camera roll is basically just a collection of you suffering. her fingers hesitate before sending another one. she observed the recent picture; dirt smeared across your sharp jaw, shirt sticking to your back, the messy, tousled way your bangs fall over your forehead.
you look–
she presses her lips together, hard trying to shoo away the tingling feeling in her lower stomach. she swallows, shifting as you shake the ball off, sending tiny droplets flying, some landing on your shirt. the fabric clings a little more, stretched over the plane of your shoulders, and jimin lets out a slow, measured exhale through her nose. gaining her composure. her phone vibrates.
minjeong : omfg is she into women
aeri : BRO THAT BACKK
ningning : jimin why are you not on your knees begging for it
she rolled her eyes at her friends reactions towards the recent picture she sent with a caption of “asshole looking for the money she owes me”
but she isn’t fooling anyone. least of all herself. because when you push yourself up again, wiping sweat off your face with the hem of your shirt, exposing the faintest hint of your stomach, jimin’s stomach flips. she squeezes her thighs together. she needs to get a grip.
“you done gawking?”
her head snaps up. your brows are raised, a smirk playing at your lips as you watch her, amusement flickering in your eyes.
fuck.
"please," she scoffs, shoving her sunglasses back onto her face to hide her cheeks turning red. "don't flatter yourself."
she turns on her heel before she can do something humiliating. like actually drop to her knees.
jimin tells herself she’s just enjoying the entertainment. that’s all this is. watching you struggle under the weight of the golf bag, huffing as you haul clubs around like you’re in a survival challenge, is simply amusing.
but then there’s the way your shoulders flex when you readjust the strap. the way your forearms tighten when you lift a particularly heavy bag. the way your back muscles ripples under your shirt whenever you bend down to grab a stray golf ball.
it keeps the bad thoughts coming
she rolls her wrist, pretending to focus on lining up her next shot, but her mind is elsewhere. on the way you pushed your sleeves up earlier, the way your fingers curled around the soaked golf ball when you pulled it out of the pond. on the way you muttered under your breath, exasperated but still doing what she asked.
she clicks her tongue, shaking off the thought. Ridiculous. still, when you lift the bag onto your shoulder again, jaw set in stubborn determination, she feels something stupid and fluttery in her stomach.
“you better not be slacking back there, hotshot,” she calls out, voice steady, even if she feels anything but.
when you glare at her, eyes full of irritation, she almost forgets to breathe. you mutter something under your breath, probably another complaint about how unfair this whole arrangement is, and jimin should let it slide. she really should. but instead, she glances over just in time to catch the way you roll your shoulders back, shaking out the soreness like you’re on the court, like you’re about to sprint past defenders and sink a perfect shot. it’s so effortless—so natural—that for a second, she isn’t thinking about your debt or your grumbling or how much fun it is to make you suffer.
for a second, she’s just watching you move. her fingers tighten around her club.
“you’re really struggling, huh?” she teases, forcing her tone to stay light, even as something deep in her chest feels a little less steady. “should’ve hit the weight room instead of all that dribbling.”
you scoff, swinging the bag off your shoulder with one smooth motion. “please. you’d collapse if you had to carry this thing for five minutes.”and jimin should roll her eyes. should brush off the remark like she always does. but then you flex your hands, fingers stretching before tightening into a brief fist, veins barely visible against your skin.
her stomach does something weird.
she exhales sharply through her nose, turns away, and focuses very hard on adjusting her glove.
“whatever helps you sleep at night, hotshot.”
when she hears you groan behind her, she smiles to herself. but she doesn’t look back.
doesn’t trust herself to.
as you got ready for bed you read the text sent by the same unknown number from yesterday night. “7:30 sharp at the docks. eat bfr coming. im not feeding you. bring swim wear and a change of clothes.” you groaned loudly trying not to think about what she’ll be doing next.
“no fucking way.”
the words slip past your lips before you can stop them, eyes locked onto the massive yacht bobbing lazily on the crystal-clear water. sunlight bounces off the pristine white exterior, almost blinding, the sheer size of the vessel making your stomach twist with unease.
jimin stands a few feet ahead, completely at ease, like she was born to be here. her sunglasses are perched on top of her head, holding back strands of dark hair that catch in the wind. but that’s not what’s throwing you off.
it’s what she’s wearing.
the bikini is black, tiny, the kind that barely counts as clothing under the oversized white button up. the top ties behind her neck, accentuating the curve of her collarbones, the smooth lines of her shoulders. the bottoms sit high on her hips, the strings digging just enough into her skin to make something tighten low in your stomach.
the button up hanging loose off one shoulder, dipping low enough to tease the shape of her waist. it should make it less distracting, but it does the exact opposite. every time she moves, the material shifts, threatening to slip just enough to reveal more.
the teasing skin peaking from her button up that barely covers anything made something tighten in your lower stomach. you clenched your stomach muscle trying to regain grip of reality.
she finally glances back at you, raising a single brow like you’re being dramatic. “what?”
you blink, dragging your gaze up to her face like you hadn’t just been staring. “this is insane.” you gesture vaguely at the boat, trying to focus. “this is … this is some billionaire level shit. why am i here?”
her lips curl into a smirk, effortless and sharp. "because im not manning the sails this time, and luckily, you’re in debt to me."
before you can shoot back a very creative insult, a new voice cuts in, light, teasing, but with an unmistakable authority. "jimin, don’t be mean to your friend."
you turn just in time to see a woman stepping onto the dock, effortlessly elegant in a white sundress, dark hair twisted into a perfect bun. she moves like she belongs in a high end magazine, every step deliberate, eyes sharp as they take you in. and she looks exactly like how you’d imagine jimin looks like in 30 years.
"she's not my friend, mother," jimin corrects smoothly, adjusting her sunglasses. "she's my employee." smirking smugly as her mother grimaces at her oldest daughter. you shoot her a glare. "wow. charming as ever."
jimin’s mother merely smiles, amused. by how you handled her moody daughter. "well, employee or not, she's a guest today. come on, everyone's waiting on the boat."
you have no choice but to follow, your arm brushing against jimin’s as you step onto the yacht. the contact is brief, barely anything, but it makes your skin prickle, your senses hyper-aware of her proximity.
jimin isn't sure why she thought today would be easy.
it should be. she should be enjoying herself sailing with her family, soaking up the sun, watching you struggle to keep up. enjoying the sounds of your misery.
but instead, she’s distracted.
you’re sitting on the edge of the boat, legs stretched out, the ocean breeze playing with your hair. jimin watches, unable to help herself.
it’s not the muscles that have her staring, the muscles that she could vividly see from your white blouse that clings to your back, not really. it’s the way you move. the way your fingers work at the sleeves of your t-shirt, rolling them up with an absentminded ease, knotting the fabric at your elbows like it’s second nature. the way the sun clings to your skin, highlighting the gentle slopes of your arms, the curve of your shoulders. she doesn’t fail to notice the way your forearm muscles tightens as you fix your sleeve.
when you reach up to wipe at your forehead, a loose strand of hair falls into your face. you don’t notice at first, too busy squinting at something in the distance. then, with the smallest furrow of your brows, you shake your head just enough to make it shift, the motion unintentional, frustratingly endearing. and slightly domestic.
jimin’s chest tightens.
you’re adorable. ridiculously cute— no. stop it no shes not. she’s an asshole. she’s a stupid prick that crashed into your car.
and then you laugh quietly, mostly to yourself, like you just remembered something funny. the sound is soft, barely carried by the wind, but jimin feels it like a physical thing, like it reaches out and tugs at something deep inside her.
jimin looks away immediately, but it doesn’t help. because even when she’s not looking at you, she can still hear you—your quiet laughter, the soft hum you make under your breath as you stretch out your arms, the way you mutter something to yourself like you’re having a conversation in your own head.
she scowls. you’re so... you. completely unaware of the way you pull people in, make them want to lean closer, watch a little longer. it’s infuriating.
her fingers tighten around the railing. get a grip, jimin. but it’s hard when you keep doing things like scrunching your nose in concentration, tilting your head like a confused puppy at the sails above, or biting your lip in thought. completely unaware that someone is watching you, studying you.
and maybe that’s what’s getting to her the most.
it’s not the muscles, not the way you look, not even the way you carry yourself. it’s the way you exist, so utterly and completely in your own world. so unguarded. jimin doesn’t do unguarded. she doesn’t do soft, doesn’t do the kind of feelings that make your stomach twist and your throat feel tight. she does casual. she teases and flirts and doesn’t get attached.
she clears her throat, flexing her fingers before curling them into fists. she needs to do something—anything—to snap herself out of it.
“you’re gawking,” a voice beside her says, amused.
jimin stiffens. “am not.”
hanni, leaning lazily against the railing, tilts her head with the smuggest expression. “right. because you totally weren’t just staring like you forgot how to blink.” jimin scoffs, shoving her sunglasses onto her face with too much force. “you’re delusional.”
“and you’re in denial.”
jimin ignores her, choosing to focus on the water instead. the waves are steady, predictable, easy to think about. not like what she’s feeling in her chest. when she sees you dangling your feet from the yacht.
but hanni isn’t done.
“you know,” she hums, rocking onto the balls of her feet, “if you keep looking at her like that, someone might get the wrong idea.”
jimin doesn’t turn. “there is no idea to get.” she says firmly.
hanni grins. “sure. whatever you say, unnie.”
you shouldn't be enjoying this. well technically the hard labour hasn’t started yet. so you’re trying to enjoy the open water and much needed fresh air before jimin makes you her slave again. it feels nice.
"you seem to be having fun," jimin remarks, stepping up beside you. breaking the silence. here we go you thought. after ignoring her little sisters’ teasing. or, talk, you didn’t hear what they talked about but jimin looked pretty riled up after what hanni said. she’s decided to interrupt your peace and make your day worse.
you shrug, stretching your arms above your head with a dramatic sigh. "what can i say? i thrive in any environment." you said as you placed both arms beside letting it fall lazily. leaning on it. you blink your eyes open, glancing at her. her sunglasses are perched high on her nose, shielding her gaze, but you can still feel her looking. observing you.
her lips twitch, as if amused. "you nearly died on the green yesterday."
"yeah, well." you shift arms as you drawl out, shooting her a lopsided grin. "i'm an adaptable person."
there’s a beat of silence, but not the peaceful kind. it’s charged, stretching between you like a live wire. jimin’s head tilts ever so slightly, her gaze sweeping over you in a way that’s too slow, too deliberate. it makes your skin prickle, the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end.
"apparently."
something about the way she says it makes your pulse jump. you shift under her scrutiny, suddenly too warm.her sunglasses may hide her eyes, but the smirk curling at the corner of her lips betrays her. it’s not just amused. it’s knowing, like she’s already several steps ahead of you in whatever game she’s playing. you shift, suddenly aware of how warm your skin feels. not from the sun, but from her unwavering attention.
"why are you looking at me like that?" you ask, voice coming out less steady than you wanted.
jimin doesn’t answer right away. instead, she steps in, just enough that the scent of her expensive perfume. fresh and citrusy, but with a sharp undertone wraps around you. she leans in, just slightly, just enough to test the space between you.
"like what?" she asks, voice lilting, teasing.
your voice stuck in your throat. you swallow.
"like you’re plotting my demise." you reply, forcing yourself to hold your ground.
her smirk deepens. she reaches up, adjusting her sunglasses with two fingers, and you catch a glimpse of her eyes beneath them. dark, glinting with something unreadable. "maybe i am."
the way she says it, low and smooth, sends an unwelcome shiver down your spine. you roll your eyes, ignoring the way your heartbeat picks up. "so much for enjoying the breeze."
jimin hums, dragging a slow gaze down the length of you before flicking it back up, lazy and considering. she taps a finger against her chin, as if in deep thought, before her lips curl into something far too smug.
"since you're so adaptable," she says, gesturing toward the rigging with an air of faux innocence, "you can help with the sails."
you groan, trudging over. she watches you come closer, arms crossed, lips curling ever so slightly.
she is not looking at your arms again.
she’s not.
the moment jimin smirked at you and told you to help with the sails, you should’ve known you were about to be thrown into another situation where you had no idea what you were doing. you squint at the ropes in your hands, then at the towering mast, then at the intricate mess of rigging all around. why are there so many ropes?
"you look confused," jimin says, standing just a little too close behind you.
"i am confused," you reply. "this is, like, rich people knowledge. i don’t know how to do any of this."
she huffs out a laugh. it almost sounds melodic in your ears. "rich people knowledge?"
"yes." you tug experimentally at one of the ropes, watching it pull at something above. "why do you even know how to do this? you’re not a pirate."
"my father made me learn when i was younger," she says. "he said that if we were going to own a yacht, we should at least know how to use it properly."
you snort. "wow. tragic backstory."
"just shut up and let me teach you," she mutters, stepping in closer.
you open your mouth to protest, but then her hands find yours.
your brain short-circuits.
her touch is soft– unexpectedly so. but firm, her fingers pressing lightly against yours, guiding them over the rope with practiced ease. her skin is cool against your own, which feels too warm all of a sudden, heat blooming along your knuckles, creeping up your arms. you swear its the burning sun right above you.
she leans in slightly, voice lower now that she’s right beside you. "you need to loop it like this. if you tie it too loose, the sail won’t hold. too tight, and you’ll mess up the balance."
you nod, but it’s a lie. you barely register what she’s saying.
because she’s close. close enough that her shoulder brushes against yours, close enough that you can smell the faint trace of her perfume mixed with the salt of the ocean. the warmth of her breath ghosts over your skin as she exhales, sending a shiver trailing down your spine.
your fingers twitch under hers. "right. got it," you manage, though your voice is slightly higher than usual. jimin chuckles low, quiet, right near your ear. your stomach flips. she’s enjoying this. you can tell. and judging by the smug curve of her lips when you glance at her, she knows exactly what she’s doing to you.
you fumble with the ropes when she moves away as the wind picks up and before you know it, the rope slips through your fingers like water. the sail jerks violently in response, the sudden shift sending a sharp ripple through the boat.
"Shit-" you let out.
jimin moves fast, instinct kicking in as she reaches for the rigging to correct your mistake. but in the process, she miscalculates and her foot catches against yours that made her stumble.
and then, so do you.
your back slams against the side of the boat, the wooden railing pressing into your spine as you suck in a sharp breath. the impact sends a jolt through your body, momentarily stunning you, but your instincts take over before you can think. one hand grabs onto the railing for support, while the other finds jimin’s waist, fingers tightening reflexively around the fabric of her shirt where you can subtly feel her curves.
she stumbles into you fully, her body pressing flush against yours.
your heart stutters.
at the same time, jimin’s arm slings over your shoulder in a desperate attempt to steady herself, the warmth of her palm seeping through your long sleeves swim suit where she grips your biceps. her other hand is splayed against your arm, fingers digging in just enough for you to feel the faint press of her nails.
and suddenly, you’re close.
too close. you could feel the curves of her body against you. and how small she is in yor arms.
her body is warm, the scent of salt and sunscreen clinging to her skin. you can feel the way she breathes, chest rising and falling against yours. every small shift sends a spark of awareness shooting down your spine, your pulse hammering in your ears as the realization sinks in.
jimin is practically in your arms and she isn’t moving. neither are you.
her sunglasses slip down her nose from the movement, revealing her eyes for the first time today. deep brown, glinting under the sun, flickering with something you can’t quite read.
your breath catches in your throat. she looks so beautiful.
the ocean breeze swirls around you, but all you can feel is the heat radiating from her skin. your fingers twitch at her waist, hyper-aware of the way the fabric of her shirt feels beneath your palm, the slight give of her small body against yours. and the way you could subtly feel some of her skin against your swim wear.
jimin’s grip on your shoulder tightens, her jaw clenched, lips parted like she’s trying to find the right words. but none come. you dont know whats going through her mind but you knew for sure she isn’t moving when you saw how her eyes flickered to your lips. somehow it made your heart flutter.
you could feel her leaning into you slightly.
and then—
"are you two gonna kiss or what?"
the words cut through the moment like a gunshot.
you jerk back, nearly losing your footing, barely managing to catch yourself before you go overboard. while jimin’s reaction is immediate. her head whips around so fast her visor nearly flies off, her expression shifting from surprise to outright murderous in the blink of an eye.
"seriously?" she snaps.
hanni, standing a few feet away, leans against the railing with the smuggest grin you’ve ever seen. jimin groans, yanking herself out of your grasp, face scrunched in exasperation. you, on the other hand, are still stuck processing what just happened, trying to ignore the way your pulse is hammering in your ears. and how you miss the closeness between you two.
after jimin left you to man the sails alone while she went to cool off, you actually got pretty good at it. her dad even threw in some pointers, guiding you through the ropes. literally. by now, you had a decent handle on things, adjusting the sails without fumbling, reading the wind like it was second nature. the boat had drifted far from shore, the coastline long gone, replaced by nothing but open water stretching endlessly in every direction.
"you can slow down here, y/n," jimin’s dad called from behind you as you pulled at the ropes, adjusting the sails to ease the boat to a gentler pace. you heard him shift, standing to get a better look at the sea. "your friend’s a natural, jimin. almost better than you!" his voice carried a teasing lilt.
you glanced toward where jimin sat, catching the way her expression twisted in surprise, then in pure irritation. she scoffed, rolling her eyes before mumbling something you couldn’t quite catch under her breath.
you smirked, triumphant, meeting her gaze.
she narrowed her eyes. then, she raised her hand and flipped you off. unhinged woman. your smirk faltered. rude.
but before you could retaliate, jimin moved. without hesitation, she stood, reaching for the buttons of her white shirt. and then she pulled it off.
your brain short-circuited.
the world around you dimmed, the sound of the ocean fading into white noise as your eyes locked onto the sight in front of you. jimin, standing tall against the backdrop of the sea, the late afternoon sun catching on her skin, making her glow.
she wore a dark bikini underneath, the contrast against her pale sun-kissed skin. her collarbones, sharp and delicate, dipped into smooth shoulders. her toned stomach tensed slightly as she tossed her shirt aside, the movement effortless, like she’d done this a thousand times before.
you were gawking.
full-on, shamelessly gawking.
your brain screamed at you to stop staring, trying to maintain your pride. but your body refused to cooperate. your grip on the ropes slackened slightly, fingers numb as your heart threw itself against your ribs.
jimin caught the look on your face and smirked.
"what?" she teased, tilting her head slightly, the picture of nonchalance. "you act like you’ve never seen someone undress before."
you opened your mouth.whether to respond or gasp for air, you weren’t sure. but nothing came out.
jimin grinned, pleased with herself, before turning toward the edge of the boat. with one quick motion, she dove into the water, leaving you standing there, still reeling, heat creeping up your neck.
you blinked.
then, as if snapping out of a trance, you stumble forward, rushing to the railing. “i—i have!” the words rush out too fast, tripping over themselves, your voice cracking at the end. you cringe.
jimin flicked her hair back as water drips from her lashes. she treads the water effortlessly, blinking up at you with an infuriatingly amused expression. “oh?” her tone is light, teasing, but there’s something smug underneath it, something that makes your stomach twist. “sure doesn’t sound like it.”
your grip on the railing tightens, knuckles paling. “what—i—" you struggle to form a coherent thought, already feeling your face burning. “i have! plenty of times! so many times!”
her giggles spills into the air, bright and carefree, and it does something to you makes your heart stutter, your skin prickle with warmth. she tilts her head back, still treading water, the sun catching in her damp hair. “right, sure. totally convincing.”
you scowl, shifting on your feet, jaw tightening. “it’s true! i’ve seen—” you pause, realizing too late that you have absolutely no idea how to finish that sentence without sounding even more embarrassing. “—a lot. like, more than you. probably.”
jimin raises a brow, cocking her head. “oh? who?”
your stomach twists into a knot, your brain sending red flags. screaming at you to abort mission immediately. you clear your throat, straightening up, forcing a casual shrug. “no,” you say, too quickly. “that’s private information.”
jimin watches you for a beat, her lips twitching like she’s holding back another laugh. then she smirks, shaking her head. “uh-huh. totally not a virgin.”
“i’m not!” you blurt, leaning forward slightly, the desperation in your voice betraying you.
her grin only widens, eyes twinkling with mischief as she sways in the water. “whatever helps you sleep at night, captain.”
you groan, dropping your head against the railing in defeat as she swims off, still laughing, while you try to cooldown after the embarrassing encounter.
“y/n! jump in!” you heard hanni yell from behind you. as you lift your head up you saw her lining up to jump in. she jumped in with a big splash. droplets sprayed onto the deck. jimin’s mom called out “hanni be careful!”
your gaze shifts slightly, catching sight of jimin a few feet away, floating on her back with her eyes closed, her dark hair fanning out around her like ink in the water. her skin glistens under the sun, droplets clinging to her collarbones, trailing down the curve of her neck. you sighed, your body got hot after the embarrassing encounter and also seeing jimin swim. you needed to cool down. you exhale sharply, shaking yourself out of it. if you stay up here any longer, you’ll combust.
you roll your shoulders back, determined to regain at least a fraction of your dignity, and then you jumped. the moment you hit the water, a sharp chill runs through you, sending a jolt up your spine. it’s refreshing, the kind of coolness that makes your skin tingle, but it’s a relief from the heat that had been burning through you moments ago.
you resurface with a gasp, shaking water from your face, and when you blink the droplets away, the first thing you see is jimin.
she’s closer now. much closer.
your breath catches as she treads the water effortlessly, dark strands of wet hair clinging to her cheeks. the sun reflects off the droplets on her skin, making them glisten like tiny diamonds. she studies you, her gaze flickering over your face with a glint of something unreadable.
“not bad,” she hums, tilting her head slightly.
you scoff, trying to ignore the way your skin prickles under her gaze. “i’d say the same for you, but you practically belly-flopped.”
jimin rolls her eyes, a smirk playing at her lips. you turn to swim away, but just as you do water hit your back. splash. you freeze. the feeling of cold water hits your back, sending a shiver up your spine.you turn back around slowly, and there she is half-smirking, half-feigning innocence, fingers still dripping from where she flicked water at you.
“did you just—?”
before you can finish your sentence, another splash comes at you, bigger this time, sending water cascading over your face. you sputter, wiping at your eyes, and jimin bursts out laughing, the sound rich and full, like wind chimes in the summer breeze.
thats it.
with no hesitation, you lunge forward, sweeping your hand through the water to send a wave right at her. she squeals, ducking just a second too late, and now it’s her turn to be dripping wet.
before you can react, she lunges toward you, fingers skimming along your arm as she tries to dunk you under. practically drowning you. instinctively, you grab her waist, attempting to shove her away, but the water betrays you both. it makes everything weightless, the waves crashing between your bodies pulling both of your boddies together. bodies tangling and shifting without control.
somehow, amongst the struggle, her arms end up draped over your shoulders, and your hands—god, your hands—find purchase at her waist again, fingers pressing into the bare skin beneath the hem of her swimsuit.
for a moment, neither of you move.
you can feel her breath against your face, warm despite the cool water surrounding you. the soft rhythm of her chest rising and falling against yours. the way her fingers tighten, just slightly, curling over the nape of your neck.
her eyes flicker up to meet yours deep brown, like melted chocolate, like something you could get lost in if you weren’t careful. they shift lower for a split second, down to your lips, before darting back up again.
your heart slams against your ribs. it looks like shes about to kiss you. a little voice in your head hoping she would and you swear the world tilts. or maybe it’s just the waves.
jimin blinks once, twice, her lashes damp and heavy with water, before her expression shifts. something playful flickers back into her eyes, her lips twitching.
and then, she shoves you under.
you barely have time to yelp before water fills your ears, muffling the sound of her laughter. when you break the surface again, gasping for air, she’s already swimming away, shooting you a look over her shoulder that’s equal parts smug and daring.
“too slow,” she calls out.
you push your wet hair back, panting, watching her retreating figure with something caught between disbelief and something else entirely. something warmer.
you remember the way her fingers curled at the nape of your neck. the way her breath fanned against your lips. the way, for a split second, it felt like the world had shrunk down to just the two of you.
you shake your head, forcing a scoff, trying to ignore the way your pulse is still erratic. this is jimin. jimin. the same girl who flipped you off an hour ago, who smirked as she stripped off her shirt just to get a reaction out of you.
nothing about this is different. you assure yourself. and yet, as you watch her swim away, her laughter still echoing in your ears, you can’t shake the feeling that something bloom in your chest.
now, i know that you love me. you don't need to remind me. i should put it all behind me, shouldn't i?
synopsis. you’re heading off to college with a scholarship, leaving behind jimin—a girl who you fell for, knowing the complications and the walls she put up. then minjeong comes into the picture, someone so different, but similar at the same time, you find yourself pulled toward to her. but when jimin reappears, everything gets messy, too messy.
pairing. yu jimin x fem!reader x kim minjeong
warning(s). angst, fluff, slow burn (?), love triangle, unresolved feelings, and let me know if there's more!
words. 4.6k
authors note. tried something different w the writing style. plz enjoy & yes there will be a part two i think..........................
you don’t know when it started, this thing between you and jimin.
maybe it was the first time she laughed at one of your dumb jokes, tilting her head back like the sound was too big for her body. maybe it was the way she always waited for you after work, even when she finished before you, leaning against the doorframe of your shared space with a lazy smile.
maybe it was the way she touched you—soft, fleeting, never enough. a hand on your wrist when she wanted your attention. fingers brushing over yours when she passed you something. the occasional, completely unnecessary adjustment of your collar or your jacket.
small things.
things that added up.
“you always look at me like that.”
the words catch you off guard, spoken lazily as jimin leans back in her chair. you’re at work, supposed to be focused, but instead, your eyes must’ve lingered too long.
you blink. “like what?”
she smirks, stretching her arms above her head. “like you want to say something.”
your stomach tightens. you force a laugh, shaking your head. “you’re imagining things.”
she hums, unconvinced, but drops it. that’s how jimin is—she flirts and teases but never really lets you know where you stand.
and you, like an idiot, let her.
it goes on like this for weeks and then months. every time you gather up the courage to say something, the words die on your tongue. how could you possibly sum up how you feel? besides, there are so many reasons why you shouldn't act on it. you work together. she has a boyfriend. you're just a stupid girl with a crush, and she's…well, everything.
you tell yourself it’s not a big deal.
sure, your pulse spikes when her hand brushes yours while walking home. and sure, maybe you replay certain moments in your head—her laughing at something you said, her leaning in too close to show you something on her phone.
but it’s harmless, right? you’re friends.
and then there are nights like these.
it’s late, the sky inky black above you, and the two of you are walking in sync like always. after work, you walk home together like always. it’s unspoken at this point, a routine you never bothered to question. you live a few streets apart, close enough that it makes sense, but far enough that you both know you could’ve made different choices. she could’ve left with the others. you could’ve taken a different route.
but you never do.
“what if we just dropped everything?”
you glance at her, raising an eyebrow. “dropped everything and did what?”
“ran away. started fresh. maybe somewhere by the sea. or the mountains. someplace with no one around for miles, just trees and peace and quiet."
you laugh. "if i ran away, you'd come with me?"
"of course," she says. "who else would put up with me?"
"right, who else…"
"i mean it." her voice is soft, almost lost to the sound of your footsteps. "i wouldn't go anywhere without you."
she laughs, a sound that makes your chest ache.
you wonder if she knows what she’s doing. if she realizes how easy it is for her to say things like this, to build these little worlds between you, only to leave them behind like they never mattered.
the conversation shifts, meandering through different topics. work, dumb customers, and her latest obsession with some random drama she’s been watching. she talks about it animatedly, her hands moving as she explains some plot twist that apparently changed her life.
you’re only half-listening.
because she’s glowing under the streetlights, her eyes bright, her lips curved in a soft smile. and for a second, you let yourself imagine—
if things were different.
if she didn’t have a boyfriend.
if you were braver.
if she looked at you the way you looked at her.
but then she bumps your shoulder with hers, pulling you back to reality. “hey. you’re quiet.”
you blink. “just tired.”
she doesn’t push, doesn’t ask what’s really on your mind. instead, she nudges you again, grinning. “don’t fall asleep standing up. i’ll leave you here.”
you scoff, rolling your eyes. “no, you wouldn’t.”
she hums. “you’re right. i wouldn’t.”
and that’s the thing about jimin. she says things like that all the time—things that feel like confessions if you listen too closely. but she never follows through.
so you don’t say anything.
you just keep walking, side by side, pretending this isn’t killing you. pretending she doesn't notice. pretending it's enough.
the email comes in the morning.
a scholarship. fully funded. a chance to study something you love in a way you never thought possible.
you should be happy.
and you are.
but then there’s jimin.
and you don’t know how to tell her.
you put it off for as long as you can. days pass, filled with the same routines, the same inside jokes, the same late-night walks home. but every time you try to bring it up, the words die in your throat.
it’s stupid. she’s not your girlfriend. she’s not even yours to begin with.
but she means something to you.
and part of you is terrified that when you tell her, she’ll just… shrug and move on.
like this was never a big deal.
like you were never a big deal.
you finally tell her on a night that feels just like any other.
you’re walking home together, just like always. the sky is dark, the air is cold, and there are so many stars overhead that for a moment you forget to breathe. she’s rambling about something—work, a new song she’s obsessed with, and you’re not really listening. your heart is pounding too loud in your ears.
then—
“i got a scholarship.”
she blinks at you.
you force a laugh, rubbing the back of your neck.
it sounds fake even to your own ears.
a beat of silence, and then—
she slows. “for what?”
you tell her.
she nods, taking it in. “that’s incredible.”
there’s a pause. a beat too long.
then she asks, carefully—“where?”
your fingers tighten around your bag strap. you look at her, hoping for what? reassurance? an answer? some sign that this is more than what it feels like? "a state away."
but there isn't one.
she stops walking.
for the first time, you see it—the shift.
the way her mouth parts slightly like she wants to say something but doesn’t. the way her fingers twitch at her sides. the way her entire posture stiffens, just for a second, before she forces herself to relax.
she smiles.
it looks wrong.
"wow. that's great," she says. "congratulations."
you nod slowly, your chest tight. "thanks."
there's another pause, heavier than the last. you don't know what else to say. she doesn't seem to either. it feels like there should be something. something to make this easier. something to fix whatever this tension is. but you're both quiet, and the moment stretches out between you like an unspoken truth.
finally, she clears her throat. "well… i'm glad you told me." she starts walking again, forcing a smile. "we should celebrate."
"right. we should."
the next few days are strained. you try to act normal, but it's hard when everything feels off. when she smiles too wide and laughs too loud, like she's trying to prove something. when she avoids eye contact and changes the subject whenever you try to bring up the scholarship. when every conversation feels stilted and forced.
and you get it—she's hurting. but so are you.
so why does it feel like she's the only one allowed to show it?
on your last day at work, she walks you home again. this time she's not catching you up on her drama or talking about some new album she wants you to listen to. she's quiet, her hands shoved in her pockets as you walk side by side. the air between you is heavy with things unsaid, and you don't know how to break it. how to fix this. how to make it right before you leave.
before you go.
and before you can think better of it—
you step closer.
she doesn’t move.
your heart is in your throat. you don’t know who leans in first. maybe it’s you. maybe it’s her. maybe it doesn’t even matter.
all you know is that one second you’re standing there, drowning in the weight of goodbye, and the next—her lips are on yours. and it feels like everything. it feels like fire and ice and every cliché you've ever heard. it feels like coming home after a long day. it feels like all the times you wanted to do this and didn't. it feels like regret and relief and pain and pleasure.
it feels like love.
when she pulls away, it takes everything in you not to chase her lips. her eyes are wide, dark with want, and for a moment, you let yourself hope.
then—
she steps back.
"i'm sorry."
her voice is barely above a whisper.
your stomach drops. "jimin—"
"i shouldn't have done that." she shakes her head, running a hand through her hair. "that was a mistake."
you don't say anything. what can you say? that it wasn't? that you've been waiting for this for months? that you don't regret it? that you're in love with her?
no.
she already knows all that.
she just doesn't care.
she has a boyfriend.
she's not yours.
so you just nod, swallowing the lump in your throat. "okay."
she bites her lip. her eyes are shining. for a second, you think she might say something. apologize again, explain, and tell you what's going on. but then her expression shifts, and the moment is gone. she steps back, clearing her throat.
"i should go."
you nod. "yeah."
she turns and walks away.
you watch her go, your chest aching.
"i'll miss you."
the words slip out before you can stop them, falling into the space between you.
she freezes.
but still—
she doesn't look back.
she keeps walking.
until she's gone.
that night, you sit on your bed and stare at your phone. you could text her.
but what would you say? hey, sorry about earlier. i didn't mean to ruin things between us. i just had to know what it was like. but i won't bring it up again, i promise. everything will be normal when i get back.
you could try calling, but the idea of hearing her voice makes your stomach twist.
you could try emailing.
you could send her a letter.
you could do anything.
but you don't.
instead, you sit there, your thumb hovering over her contact info. you don't even know what you'd say. what could you possibly say that would fix this?
she has a boyfriend.
maybe it was always going to end this way.
adjusting to college is easier than you thought it would be.
maybe it's because the campus is lively, filled with people moving too fast to notice that you're still figuring things out. maybe it's because your classes keep you busy, giving you little time to dwell on the past. or maybe—maybe it's because of minjeong.
the scholarship brought you here, placing you among a team of insanely talented people. it's intimidating at first, walking into a room full of names you've only heard in passing, people who are already settled, already familiar with one another.
and then there's minjeong.
she’s quiet, reserved in a way that makes you curious. she doesn’t try to take up space like some of the others do—like yizuho, who talks with her hands and fills silences effortlessly. or aeri, whose jokes come quick and sharp, making everyone laugh. no, minjeong is different.
she listens more than she speaks. her laughter is soft, sometimes hidden behind her sleeve. but when she does talk, when she meets your gaze across the room, something settles inside you.
like maybe, for the first time in a long time, things are going to be okay.
and they are.
at first, it's hard. you miss home, miss your old job, and miss the familiarity of things. you feel out of place, like a stranger in a strange land. but then—
minjeong finds you.
at first, it's small things.
you're leaving class when you see her sitting on a bench outside, headphones in, scribbling furiously in a notebook. you stop, taking in the scene. she looks peaceful and focused, her brow furrowed as she writes. and without thinking, you step closer, leaning down to read over her shoulder.
"hey."
her voice startles you. she's looking up at you, her head tilted, a slight smile on her face. "do i know you?"
your face heats. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to bother you."
she chuckles. "i'm kidding. what's up?"
"i just…" you trail off, your cheeks growing warmer. "i was just wondering what you were working on."
"oh." she glances down at her notebook, biting her lip. "just lyrics, nothing serious."
"can i hear them?"
her gaze flicks back to you. there's something in her eyes, a question, but she nods anyway.
and as you sit next to her on that bench, listening to her softly sing the words she's written, you feel it—a spark of something.
it grows.
mall conversations before practice, eating lunch at the same table when no one else is around. but then those casual conversations stretch longer. lunches turn into late-night talks in the dorm hallway, legs stretched out, backs against the cold wall, whispering so you don’t wake anyone up.
somewhere along the way, she becomes a constant.
you find yourself waiting for her after class just because. she leaves a seat open for you in the dining hall without asking. she steals bites of your food, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
it’s easy with her.
no games. no uncertainty. no aching question of, does she feel the same? lingering in the air like a weight on your chest.
you don’t even realize how much time you spend together until one of the others—yizuho—teases you about it.
"you two are like an old married couple," she says one day, nudging minjeong’s shoulder.
minjeong just rolls her eyes, but there’s a faint flush on her cheeks.
and you—well. you pretend not to think too hard about it.
one night, while eating together in your dorm room, the conversation drifts to relationships.
minjeong is lying on your bed, staring up at the ceiling while you sit cross-legged on the floor, picking at your food.
“what about you?” you ask, nudging her foot lightly.
she tilts her head to look at you. “what about me?”
“your love life.”
she hums, considering. “i have a boyfriend.”
something sharp twists in your stomach.
it shouldn’t.
but it does.
“oh,” you say, keeping your voice neutral. “that’s cool.”
she doesn’t elaborate, and you don’t ask any more questions.
but that weird feeling stays.
weeks pass, and things remain the same. or at least, they’re supposed to.
but you can’t stop thinking about it.
not in a jealous way—because that would be stupid, right? you don’t like her like that. you can’t like her like that. you don't do jealousy, especially not when she's not even yours to begin with. but there's something about her relationship with this guy, whoever he is, that bothers you.
maybe it's because she never talks about him.
maybe it's because this whole thing feels oddly similar to what happened with—
no.
it's not the same.
minjeong isn't like her.
you just can't figure out why you feel so uneasy about this.
one night, you bring it up again, casually, like it’s just another question. “so… how’s your boyfriend?”
minjeong hesitates.
and that’s the first sign that something’s off.
she exhales softly, pushing a hand through her hair. “if i tell you, can you not ask any more questions?”
you blink. “uh. sure?”
she sits up, meeting your gaze. “i don’t actually have a boyfriend.”
you frown. “what?”
“i just say that so people don’t try to date me.” she shrugs, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. “it makes things easier.”
you don’t know what to say.
because on one hand, you’re relieved.
and on the other—
you don’t even know why you’re relieved.
you don't understand the feeling settling in your chest, the urge to reach out and take her hand. because what does it matter if she's single? it's not like you're interested. right?
one afternoon, the two of you are walking around campus when it starts to rain.
at first, you're both laughing, caught off guard by the sudden downpour. but then minjeong reaches out, her fingers curling around yours, and suddenly—you can't breathe.
she tugs on your hand, her smile bright. "come on. we can wait it out under those trees."
you nod, letting her pull you along.
the trees are large, their branches heavy with leaves, providing enough shelter from the rain. minjeong releases your hand, sitting down in the grass, and you follow suit.
there's a beat of silence.
"you're quiet," she says, nudging your knee with hers. "something wrong?"
you shake your head, trying to ignore the way your heart is racing. "no, i'm just… tired."
"oh." she studies you, her brow furrowed. "well, if there's anything—"
"i'm fine, min." you offer her a small smile, hoping it's enough. "thanks."
she hesitates, and for a moment, you think she's going to push. but then she sighs, leaning back on her hands. "if you say so."
and that's the thing.
she gets you.
she knows when to push and when to back off. she knows what you need without you having to ask. she knows how to make you smile, how to make you laugh, and how to make you forget about everything else.
forget about…jimin.
it’s been months since you last heard from jimin.
you weren’t expecting to, not really. the last time you saw her, things ended in a way that felt unfinished—like a story that cut off mid-sentence.
but then, out of nowhere, a message pops up on your phone.
can you visit during spring break? they still giive you those, right?
you stare at it for too long.
you shouldn’t go.
you should ignore it.
but you don’t.
instead, you agree, telling yourself it won't be weird.
it's just a visit.
how bad could it be?
jimin’s apartment is the same as you remember—warm, inviting, smelling faintly of vanilla and something you can’t place.
she looks the same, too.
and that’s the problem.
because she’s standing there, smiling at you like no time has passed, like she didn’t completely wreck you before you left.
“wow,” she says, closing the door behind you. “you look good.”
your chest tightens. “you too.”
dinner is weirdly intimate.
soft music plays in the background. the lights are dimmed just enough to feel cozy. the food is homemade, and she remembers all your favorites.
you talk about old memories, about late-night walks and dumb jokes, about the times when everything was simpler.
and then—
then she’s looking at you like that.
like she used to.
like she never stopped.
and suddenly, you’re too close.
her fingers brush yours, lingering. your breath catches.
the space between you shrinks, and before you can think, before you can remind yourself why this is a bad idea—
she kisses you.
and for a second, you let her.
for a second, you forget about everything else.
but then—
reality crashes back.
she still has a boyfriend.
you pull away.
“i can’t do this.” your voice is barely above a whisper, strained.
she blinks, like she just realized what happened. “i—”
you shake your head, stepping back. “i have to go.”
you don’t wait for her to respond.
you just leave.
that night, you lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, guilt gnawing at your chest.
not because of jimin.
but because of minjeong.
as spring break ends and you return to campus, you find yourself spending more time with minjeong.
she invites you to her favorite places. she shows you all her secret spots, her favorite coffee shop, and the best bookstore downtown.
it's nice.
easy.
fun.
the tension is gone.
and it stays gone.
until the day she kisses you.
it's not planned.
in fact, it's the last thing you expect.
the two of you are in your dorm, finishing up a project, and the mood is light. she's sitting next to you, close enough that her shoulder brushes yours as she reaches over to show you something on the laptop screen.
her breath fans across your neck, and without thinking, you turn to look at her.
and that's when it happens.
she freezes, her eyes widening.
a beat of silence.
you hold her gaze, daring her to make a move.
she does.
it's a soft kiss, hesitant. her lips barely graze yours, and for a moment, you think that's it.
but then she's kissing you again, and this time it's different.
this time it's deeper.
and before you can stop yourself, you're kissing her back.
her fingers slide into your hair, tugging lightly, and you lose track of everything else.
you and minjeong spend more time together.
of course, the two of you were always close, but now there's a new element. a new layer to the dynamic that wasn't there before.
you still hang out with the rest of the group, still laugh and talk and joke around, but when it's just the two of you…
there's something else.
something different.
something electric.
you fall into a routine.
you wake up, get ready for class, and meet her in the dining hall for breakfast. you text throughout the day, sharing stupid memes or random thoughts. sometimes, you sit next to her in class, stealing glances and hiding smiles. after, you grab lunch and walk around campus, talking about anything and everything. then, after dinner, you go to your dorm and watch a movie or play video games until you can't keep your eyes open anymore.
and at night, when it's dark, and the world is quiet, and it feels like nothing else matters—
you kiss her.
sometimes it's soft, just a gentle press of lips.
other times, it's heated, fueled by want and need and something deeper.
you never talk about it.
you don't have to.
it just works.
but then, one night, after a late-night make-out session, you're lying there, breathing heavily, and your phone rings—
jimin.
you hesitate.
should you answer?
no, of course not.
but part of you wants to. part of you misses her, even after everything. and the rational part of you knows that if you don't answer, it'll just be harder later. so, with a sigh, you sit up, accepting the call.
"hey."
"hi." her voice is soft, tentative. "how are you?"
"fine. busy." you shift, running a hand through your hair. "what's up?"
she's silent for a moment.
and then, carefully—
"i know it's been a while since we last spoke."
you swallow, the memory of her lips on yours, her hands in your hair, her skin pressed against yours—it comes rushing back. "yeah."
"and i just wanted to say i'm sorry."
you exhale. "for what?"
"for being an asshole."
a soft chuckle escapes your lips.
"and i'm sorry for kissing you," she continues. "i know it was selfish."
you pause.
it's not what you were expecting.
"it's okay," you finally say.
"really?"
"yeah. it's…it's fine. it's in the past."
there's a long pause.
"are we okay?" she asks.
your throat tightens.
is it too soon?
maybe.
but maybe not.
"yeah," you say. "we're okay."
"promise?"
you nod, even though she can't see it. "promise."
and that's the thing about promises.
you can't break them.
especially when you're the one who made them.
"so…before you left. i actually wanted to tell you something."
you adjust the phone closer to your ear, curiosity getting the better of you. "yeah?"
"i'm coming to your university."
what?
"what?"
"i put in my application a while ago, and i just got in."
you don't know how to feel. on one hand, this is what you would've wanted. wanted. but now…
you don't know what it means.
for you.
for minjeong.
for the two of you.
your heart stops. "i—wow. that's great."
"i know it's sudden, but i didn't want to tell you until i knew for sure." she pauses, taking a breath. "i missed you, you know?"
you don't know how to respond.
"anyway, i should go." there's a smile in her voice. "but i'll see you soon."
"right."
the call ends.
you stare at the phone.
what just happened?
minjeong finds you in the dining hall.
you're sitting at your usual table, picking at your food, your mind still racing.
she slides into the seat next to you, nudging your shoulder with hers. "hey. you okay?"
"fine."
"you sure? you seem a little…off."
"it's nothing."
"mm-hmm." she takes a bite of her food, watching you carefully. "if you say so."
you try to shake it off.
you try to forget about it.
but the whole time, you're wondering.
when will she get here?
will it be awkward?
will she act like nothing happened?
will she expect things to go back to how they were before?
will she expect you to wait for her?
minjeong distracts you.
she knows something's up, but she doesn't ask. instead, she shows up with snacks, forces you to play video games with her, and distracts you with kisses. and it works.
and then—just when things feel solid again, just when you think this might actually be something—
jimin shows up.
you don’t see her at first.
you’re too caught up in minjeong.
it’s late, and you’re outside, sitting on the campus benches, laughing about something dumb. the kind of laugh that makes your stomach hurt, the kind of laugh that you only do around people you really like. and you are—you like minjeong. a lot.
minjeong wipes at her eyes, still smiling. “i can’t believe you actually—”
she stops.
her expression shifts.
you turn.
and there, standing a few feet away—
jimin.
your heart stops.
minjeong stiffens next to you, her smile fading.
the air between you is thick with tension.
no one says anything.
you don't know how long you sit there, staring at her, your mind racing. you don't know what to say. how to explain. how to fix this.
you feel like the world has turned upside down, like the ground is shifting under your feet. you look at her, and all you can think about is that night. her hands in your hair. her lips on yours. the way she felt, pressed against you, soft and warm and—
minjeong breaks the silence.
and that's when you notice.
jimin's and minjeong’s eyes are locked. they're not worried about you. they don't care that you're there or that you're watching. they don't even acknowledge you. they just stare at each other.
you frown. "do you two know each other?"
neither of them answers.
you glance between them, your stomach twisting. "what's going on?"
minjeong shakes her head, tearing her gaze away.
"y/n…this is my…"
the words die on her lips.
your heart stops. "your what?"
"my girlfriend."
for a moment, you swear time stops.
you look at her, waiting for the punchline, for some sort of sign that this is a joke. but she doesn't smile, doesn't laugh, doesn't even blink.
"i had finally figured out, you were just around the corner."
synopsis. you’re just the wedding planner for your brother’s wedding, trying to keep it all together. but karina, his fiancée, keeps slipping under your skin. she’s perfect—everything you’ve ever wanted—but she’s marrying your brother.
pairing. brothers!fiance!karina x wedding!planner!fem!reader
warning(s). angst w a mixture of fluff, love triangle, cheating (im sorry), angst with a happy ending.
words. 5.7k
authors note. i remember watching a gay movie like this.
navigation. main masterlist.
karina has a way of capturing the attention of everyone in a room, and her presence alone is enough to make the world pause. she walks in, all bright eyes and effortless grace, and somehow the entire room shifts to accommodate her. it’s almost like she belongs in a space much grander than this, but then, that’s karina—always radiant, always a little untouchable.
you’ve noticed it countless times before—it's part of the reason why your parents are so calm with the idea of your brother marrying her only months after they've met. karina—your brother’s fiancée, the one they think is perfect in every way. karina—the one who is everything they always hoped for in a partner for him. karina—the one who practically begged you to plan her wedding.
you have to admit, they make a beautiful couple. the way karina and your brother stand in the kitchen, laughing over something she said while she chops vegetables, her hands moving easily, like she’s done this a hundred times. your brother’s smiling at her like she’s the only person in the world. it’s all so natural, so effortless. you can’t deny that they love each other—it’s one of those things you just know. like the feeling of the ground beneath your feet or the wind against your skin. it’s just a fact.
it was the first time in a while you've been to their house, but your brother practically forced you into staying at his while you planned the wedding. they don't seem to mind, which is probably good considering you've taken over the living room as a workspace, with papers and decorations and fabric samples spread out across the coffee table and the couch.
but regardless, the two haven't decided on a venue yet, so the planning process is still in full swing. you had a list of about five venues you thought were promising, and you were hoping they'd settle on one soon so you could stop having to lug around your binder everywhere.
karina finishes up her task and sets the knife down, washing her hands off before she turns to you.
she walks over with that signature smile of hers, the one that makes everything seem like it’s shining just a little brighter. “hey, can we talk about the venue options for a sec?” she asks, her voice smooth like velvet, like it always is.
you glance up from the pile of papers in front of you, your gaze meeting hers for a second too long. the way she’s standing there, close enough to reach out and touch, makes it hard to focus. you blink, trying to get your head back in the game. “uh, yeah, sure. what’s on your mind?”
she leans against the back of the couch, her arms crossing lightly over her chest. “i know we’ve got some good options, but…” she hesitates for a moment, as if carefully considering her next words. “i’ve always wanted a wedding on the beach. you know, like those dreamy ones you see in magazines?”
you freeze for a moment, your fingers lingering over the corner of your binder. the beach. you can’t help the pang that hits you when she says it, because it's something you've always imagined for your own wedding one day, not anyone else’s. it’s silly, of course—you shouldn't have gotten so attached to a fantasy. but you can't help it. you'd always imagined a wedding on the beach, with the sun setting over the waves and sand beneath your feet.
she tilts her head a little, as if trying to figure out what's wrong. when you don't say anything, she speaks again, her tone more gentle. "are you okay?"
you try to shake it off, but karina always seems to notice everything. it's a little bit impressive, really. "oh, i'm fine. just a little tired." you quickly speak again before she can question you further. “you know, your fiancé’s pretty set on that greenhouse. it’s a pretty big deal for him.”
she nods, a small frown tugging at her lips. “i know,” she says softly. “i just can’t help but dream of the beach.” she pauses, then her eyes soften, and she adds with a little more playfulness, "i’ll let you handle the tough decisions. you’re the expert here, after all.”
you hate to let her down, but the odds of convincing your brother to change his mind are low. the greenhouse was his idea, and it means a lot to him, since your father married your mom there years ago. he had talked about wanting to recreate that day, the way the light filtered in through the glass, the flowers all around. his eyes had sparkled as he spoke, like he could imagine the entire scene unfolding before him. you couldn’t bring yourself to say no, not when he had been so excited.
you give a small laugh. “i’m just the wedding planner. you’re the one who has to live with the choice.”
she grins at you before walking away.
but even though you tell yourself it won't be your fault if she doesn't get her dream wedding, the guilt doesn't go away. you just hope she won't hate you for not being able to deliver the perfect day she's been waiting for.
you watch as she heads back over to the kitchen, your gaze lingering on her a little longer than it should. her smile is bright as ever, the one you're not sure you've ever seen her without, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.
you swallow, then return to your work.
the venue. you can't get distracted. you're good at your job. you can do this.
the next few days pass in a flurry of phone calls and emails, and you're barely keeping track of which venue you're supposed to be going to see next. you've visited a handful, but it seems like they've all had the same issue—they don't have the space for the kind of wedding karina's dreaming of.
the pressure is starting to wear on you. you’ve been juggling so many details, from flowers to photographers to caterers, but every venue just feels off in one way or another. some are too big, some too small. others don’t have the kind of beachy vibe karina’s been dreaming of, and you can tell she’s starting to get a little discouraged.
you can see the way her shoulders slump when another place doesn’t meet her expectations, the way she tries to mask her disappointment with that perfect smile of hers. it’s hard to watch. but you also know this is her dream, her wedding. she deserves to have everything she’s envisioned for years.
“i swear, if i see one more ballroom…” you mutter under your breath, flipping through another round of emails, trying to see if any of the new suggestions could work.
karina, seated across from you in the café, lets out a small laugh. “you’re telling me. but we’ve got to keep looking, right?”
you look up, meeting her gaze for the first time in a while. she looks exhausted, her makeup a little faded from a long day of venue tours, but her smile is as warm as ever. it makes your heart ache.
you swallow, then turn back to your phone. "yeah. yeah, we do." you take a sip of your drink, not even removing your eyes from the screen. "i've been hearing a lot of good things about this one place, though."
karina leans forward, her elbows resting on the table. "which one?"
but before you can reply, a giggle leaves her lips, and she points to the side of your nose. "oh my god, you've got whipped cream on your nose. let me…"
her hand reaches out, and then she's touching you, her thumb brushing over the tip of your nose, sending shivers down your spine. she pulls her hand back, a little whipped cream on her thumb.
she smiles. "got it."
you blink, and your brain short-circuits for a second. her touch was so fleeting, but the warmth lingers.
she doesn't notice, already turned back to your phone ready to see the venue you were muttering about.
you exhale. the venue. right. focus.
and then, it happens.
when you get back home, an hour later you hear it from the other room—a loud argument, your brother's voice booming, and karina's pleading for him to just listen. your eyes widen. you'd never heard her raise her voice like that before.
they’ve always been so perfect together, but now, the disagreement over the wedding venue seems to be pushing things too far. you can’t make out the exact words, but you catch a few—the beach, the greenhouse, and your name a couple of times. the door slams shortly after, and everything falls silent.
you glance at the door leading to the hallway, torn between going to see what’s going on and staying out of it. the last thing you want is to get caught in the middle of their argument, but part of you can't help but feel concerned. this isn’t like them—karina, always the picture of composure, and your brother, usually so patient. it doesn’t add up.
you hear footsteps and then a quiet knock at the door. "are you awake?"
you take a deep breath. "yeah, come in."
the door opens, and karina walks in, looking as stunning as ever. her face is still flushed from the argument, but her hair is swept to the side, the light catching on her earrings. even in a moment like this, she's effortlessly beautiful.
"hey," you say softly, motioning toward the couch. "are you okay?"
she sits down beside you, her body relaxing a little, like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. she nods, taking a deep breath before speaking. "i'm fine. we're fine."
you tilt your head, not fully believing her. you've been friends for years, after all. you can tell when she's holding something back. "are you sure? because i heard—"
"we're fine," she repeats, a little more firmly.
you nod, but you still feel unsure. it's clear they need some time to themselves, and you can't force her to tell you what's going on. “you know,” you say, shifting beside her, “if you need a break, we could do something completely different. a distraction. a moment just for you.”
she looks at you, eyes wide, clearly intrigued by the offer. “like what?”
a slow grin spreads across your face. “let’s get food for starters. and then…"
she cuts you off before you can finish. "as long as it involves wine, i'm in."
the smile is back, and your heart aches with it. you've missed seeing her smile, the way her eyes crinkle at the edges, her whole body seeming lighter. it's a feeling you never want to let go of.
without missing a beat, you get up and grab your keys. “perfect. let's go!"
you hold your hand out, and her fingers are warm in yours as you lead her out the door.
the two of you end up parked in front of a small, neon-lit burger joint tucked away on a quiet street. it’s one of those old-school places with a bright red roof and a hand-painted menu board by the drive-thru. it looks like it hasn't changed much since it was built decades ago, but that's exactly why you love it.
karina’s sitting cross-legged in the passenger seat, the bottle of wine you impulsively grabbed resting between you. you’d managed to snag a couple of burgers and fries to go, and now the two of you are tucked away in the car, sharing fries like you’re the only people in the world.
“this is so random,” she says, laughing softly. she’s still got a bit of a flush from earlier—whether from the wine or the argument, you’re not sure. but for now, you try not to think about it. you don't want to ruin the moment.
“that’s what makes it perfect,” you reply, passing her a fry. she takes it with a smile, your fingers brushing briefly. your heart trips over itself at the contact, and you reach for the bottle of wine to take another sip. it’s not the fanciest vintage, but it’s doing the job.
karina takes the bottle next, swiping at the neck before drinking straight from it. when she lowers it, her eyes are sparkling with something mischievous. “i always liked the idea of writing my vows on something unconventional,” she says suddenly, resting her head against the seat. “like in the movies. you know, scribbled on the back of a napkin or a burger wrapper. something spontaneous and real.”
you can’t help but laugh. “we’ve got burger wrappers right here.”
her eyes light up. “you’re kidding.”
“i’m not.”
she sets down the bottle and grabs the crumpled wrappers from the bag. “alright. let’s do it. right here, right now. our mock wedding.”
you raise an eyebrow. this was not how you thought the night was going to go, but then again, karina has always been full of surprises. she looks so excited at the idea; you can't bring yourself to say no. you're already in this deep, after all.
you grab a pen from the glove compartment, the tipsy energy between you growing contagious. you hand it over, and karina carefully smooths out one of the wrappers on her lap.
“alright,” she declares, biting back a grin. “i vow to always share my fries with you. even the crispy ones.”
you snort. “that’s a big promise.”
“and i vow to never judge you for eating burgers at midnight,” she adds, her grin widening.
“okay, my turn,” you say, leaning in. “i vow to always keep you stocked up on wine and burgers. and fries. all the good stuff. just in case of an emergency, of course. or for a spontaneous road trip. whichever comes first, i guess."
you're both giggling, and then her smile softens. she looks at you with those eyes, and for a moment, the rest of the world falls away. then her expression shifts. she takes a deep breath, fingers toying with the pen. “one more,” she says, her voice quieter now. “i vow to always be someone you can turn to, no matter what. even when things get messy or complicated.”
her eyes are still on yours, and you can't bring yourself to break the contact. you feel like the air has been knocked out of your lungs, and it's almost too much, too fast.
you finally manage to get the words out, your voice coming out a little strained. "i promise too."
karina smiles softly, reaching over to brush a strand of hair from your face. “let’s go somewhere,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.
“where?” you ask, still breathless.
she glances at the horizon, where the stars are just beginning to scatter across the night sky. “the beach.”
without another word, you put the car in drive and head toward the coast. the streets are quiet, the hum of the tires against the road the only sound as the town fades behind you. it feels like the rest of the world doesn’t exist—just you, karina, and the open road.
when you arrive, the beach is deserted, bathed in moonlight and the soft crashing of waves. you both kick off your shoes and walk toward the shoreline, the sand cool beneath your feet. karina stops just shy of the water, turning to face you.
“alright,” she says, holding out her hand. “let’s make this official.”
you laugh, taking her hand. “this is the most spontaneous fake wedding i’ve ever been a part of.”
her grin is wide, a little wild, like she’s already planning something outrageous. “just wait until our real wedding. then it’ll really be a show.”
the words hit you harder than expected—our real wedding. your mind flashes with an image: karina walking down the aisle, her dress swishing with every elegant step, her smile lighting up the whole room.
karina squeezes your hand gently, bringing you back to reality. "are you ready?"
you give her a tiny nod. “i’m ready.”
she turns to face you, her smile dimming just enough to make the moment feel serious. she takes a steadying breath before starting. “i vow to always share my fries with you—even the crispy ones.”
you grin. "i vow to not get jealous when you share your fries with someone else."
"that's a fair point." she pauses for a moment, glancing at the moon overhead. when she speaks again, her voice is softer. "i vow to not forget about all the nights we've stayed up talking, the sun just starting to rise, and how i could listen to your voice forever. and i vow to always be someone you can count on, no matter what."
her words make your heart ache. you swallow, trying to push down the feeling. "i vow to never give up, even when things get tough. even when everything's changing around us. and i vow to always be a place you can run to."
the words hang between you for a moment, and you feel like the whole world has stopped. everything feels surreal, like a dream, the kind you're afraid of waking up from. then she steps closer, so close you can feel the warmth radiating off her. her next words are softer, more serious, the playfulness stripped away. “do you vow to take me to the best burger joints at midnight?”
your voice is quieter now too. “i do.”
“do you vow to share your fries with me, even the crispy ones?”
“i do.”
she takes a small, shaky breath, her gaze locked on yours. “and do you vow to always be my friend? to stand by me, even when things get hard or messy?”
your throat tightens, but somehow you manage to speak. “i do.”
karina’s lips twitch, but she doesn’t smile fully. there's something vulnerable in her expression, like she's revealing a piece of herself she's never shown before. "do you promise to always remember tonight? how special this moment is?"
"i do."
she nods, her eyes shining. "good. because i do, too."
her gaze drops to your lips, and you realize what she's doing a second too late. before you can even process what's happening, her mouth is on yours, warm and soft and sweet. it's the kind of kiss you feel all the way down to your toes, the kind that makes the rest of the world disappear.
it's everything and nothing all at once.
then the moment passes, and she's pulling away, a little breathless. "i'm sorry. i just…"
you blink, trying to find the right words, but nothing comes out.
she swallows, then steps back, her cheeks flushed. "i'm sorry, i don't know what came over me. that was stupid. we should go."
she turns and walks off, her footsteps echoing through the darkness. you watch her leave, not daring to say anything, because if you speak, you'll break the spell. you'll wake up from this dream, and it'll all be gone, and this moment will be lost forever.
karina speedwalks to your car, her ears hot and her head spinning. what the hell did i just do? she opens the car door and climbs in, her body feeling weightless. the kiss was an impulse, a split-second decision, and now she's left wondering why the hell she thought it was a good idea.
you get in the car a moment later, your expression unreadable. you're silent for a few beats, then you clear your throat. "here take my jacket," you say, reaching over to drape it around her shoulders. "you look cold."
her chest tightens. of course, you're being kind and sweet. god, why did she have to ruin the moment?
she takes the jacket, but it does nothing to warm the chill that's seeped into her bones. she's so confused. one minute, she's getting engaged, and the next, she's kissing you, the one person who's never given her a reason to doubt. she feels like she's falling apart, piece by piece.
"let's get you home," you say quietly, starting the car.
karina nods, her eyes focused on the window. the rest of the ride is silent, neither of you daring to say a word.
a month passed since that night—the kiss that left you spinning and karina’s unexpected confession. you’d both fallen into a strange rhythm after that. conversations were shorter, more careful, as if the words had to be handled with gloves. and though things seemed okay on the surface, there was a distance that neither of you knew how to bridge.
she was still okay with the greenhouse. you’d finalized every last detail together, but it felt like neither of you were talking about what really mattered. instead, you both threw yourselves into the wedding planning like it was the only way to keep moving forward.
it was just after midnight when you found yourself back in the kitchen, pouring a glass of water. it had been a long day, and your mind was still racing. you stood there for a while, sipping slowly, mind wandering.
the front door creaked open. your brother stumbled in, his suit rumpled, tie hanging loosely around his neck. his eyes were bloodshot, and he reeked of whiskey and something faintly floral—perfume. you could guess what had happened.
“company celebration,” he muttered, not meeting your eyes. “big news… big, big news.”
you wrapped an arm around him and helped him upstairs. he leaned on you heavily, his usually confident demeanor dulled by the alcohol. when you sat him down on the edge of your bed, you noticed it—lipstick stains on the collar of his shirt, faint but undeniable.
your stomach twisted. you swallowed hard, forcing the lump in your throat down. it was none of your business. after all, she cheated as well...with you.
after he passed out, you quietly shut the door and went back downstairs. there was no sleep to be found, not when your thoughts were tangled in the events of what's happened over the past three months—the kiss, karina’s sudden agreement to the greenhouse wedding, the lipstick stains. it was too much.
you sat at the dining room table and pulled out your laptop. the wedding planning documents filled the screen, emails flooding in with suggestions and changes. you worked mindlessly, letting the repetition of it all keep your thoughts at bay.
the hours bled into one another, and before you knew it, pale sunlight was breaking through the windows. your eyes burned, your muscles ached, but you couldn’t stop.
footsteps behind you made you freeze.
karina.
her hair was a mess of loose waves, and she wore one of those oversized pajama shirts she loved. she had two mugs of coffee in hand, the familiar scent of hazelnut filling the room. without a word, she placed one in front of you.
“you’ve been up all night,” she said quietly.
“i had things to do,” you answered, not meeting her eyes.
karina sighed, taking in the dark circles under your eyes and the tension in your shoulders. “you’re burning yourself out.”
when you didn’t say anything, she walked around the table and stood behind you. her hands found your shoulders, fingers pressing gently into the knots there. she massaged in slow circles, her thumbs working out the tightness you hadn’t even noticed.
her voice was soft as she spoke, barely more than a whisper. "you should get some sleep. you can't keep doing this."
but you were too tired, too worn down, to respond. you couldn’t focus on anything other than the feeling of her hands on your shoulders, the warmth of her touch sinking into your skin.
she leaned down, her breath tickling your ear. "can we talk?"
"yeah," you managed.
karina let go and moved to the seat across from you. she looked like she was struggling with something, the same look from the night at the beach, when she had asked you to promise her to remember. her fingers tapped on the mug. you could tell she was stalling, trying to decide what to say, but eventually, the words came.
"i'm sorry."
you were sorry too. for so many things, but you didn't say them out loud. instead, you just nodded.
"i never meant for this to happen," she said. "but it's all getting a little too much."
you were exhausted. tired of everything—the wedding, the kiss, the feelings. tired of being the planner. tired of pretending everything was fine when it wasn't.
karina's gaze dropped to her hands, her voice small. "i didn't mean to make things weird between us. i just didn't know what to do."
"it's okay," you replied, because it was all you could say.
"it's not," she insisted. "you're my best friend. i don't want to lose that."
she was right. you were her best friend. she was supposed to be marrying your brother, not making out with you at midnight. the thought sent a shiver down your spine.
"we'll get through this. together." you tried to sound convincing, but it fell flat.
"will we?" her voice was barely audible. "you've been pushing me away for weeks. i can tell."
you shook your head, but it was pointless. the truth was staring you in the face, and it wasn't pretty.
karina sighed, her gaze lifting from the table to meet yours. "i'm sorry. i don't want things to be awkward between us. i don't want this to change things."
her eyes were filled with such honesty and vulnerability, it made your chest ache. you wanted to reach out, hold her, and reassure her that everything was going to be okay, but you couldn't. you couldn't bring yourself to lie.
you rubbed your hands over your face, trying to ease the tension building behind your eyes. the words were stuck, clawing at your throat, desperate to escape. but what could you say?everything was so tangled.
“i’m not pushing you away,” you finally managed, though it felt hollow. “i just… don’t know how to handle all this.”
she gave you a weak smile, but her eyes were still sad.
the silence stretched between you, growing heavier with each passing moment. neither of you knew what to say.
“i don’t want to hurt you,” she said suddenly, her voice trembling.
your stomach twisted, and you had to look away. “you’re not hurting me.”
it was a lie, and you both knew it. but what good would the truth do?
karina sighed, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. she looked exhausted, like she hadn’t slept in days. maybe she hadn’t. “i just want us to be okay. like before.”
“before,” you repeated, the word tasting bitter on your tongue. before everything. before the kiss. before you saw your brother stumble in last night, lipstick stains betrayed his lies.
she nodded, her voice barely above a whisper. "yeah, before. like we promised in our vows."
you let out a breath. was she really bringing this up now? "our fake vows."
karina flinched, as if your words had physically struck her. she looked at you, her eyes pleading. "you promised to always remember that night. that's not nothing."
you closed your eyes, trying to block out the memory. it was a mistake. a stupid, impulsive decision. one you shouldn't have made. one you shouldn't be thinking about.
"look, it's fine. we'll just forget it ever happened. like we're supposed to."
"are we?"
you stared at her, your throat tightening. "yes. because that's what's best. for everyone."
she swallowed, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. "okay. if that's what you want."
"it is." the words were heavy, weighing on your chest, crushing the air from your lungs.
"alright. then i guess we should go back to planning."
she forced a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. the conversation was over.
and that was it. you tried not to think about the kiss or the way her hand had felt in yours. but the memories lingered, refusing to let go.
the day of the wedding arrived. you stood at the back of the greenhouse, feeling out of place as the carefully chosen flowers, delicate white drapes, and twinkling fairy lights filled the space with a sense of serenity that felt foreign to you. everything about this moment was supposed to be beautiful, perfect, just as your brother had imagined. but you couldn’t shake the unease that knotted in your stomach.
the ceremony was supposed to feel like a celebration, a milestone in their lives. but it wasn’t. the sight of your brother, standing at the altar with the priest, waiting for karina, made something inside you tighten. he was smiling, his hands clasped together in anticipation. but the thought of him with her—knowing everything that had happened between the two of you—suddenly felt wrong. not to mention what he did himself.
and then, she appeared.
karina entered, her arm linked with your father’s, walking down the aisle with the grace of someone who belonged in a dream. the flowing ivory gown clung to her figure in a way that made your breath catch. the soft music playing in the background seemed to fade as you watched her approach, unable to tear your eyes away.
her gaze flickered to you for the briefest of moments. it was only a glance, but it held so much. the quiet acknowledgment that things weren’t the way they were supposed to be. that this wasn’t how it was supposed to feel.
you could barely breathe. you had promised to be strong, to be there for her. but seeing her like this, walking down the aisle toward your brother, was impossible. all the promises you had made, all the words you had told her in the days leading up to this, suddenly felt so hollow. she wasn’t yours. she never had been, and yet, everything inside you screamed that she should be.
you couldn’t stay.
without thinking, you turned and quietly slipped out of the greenhouse, avoiding the curious glances of your family. the sounds of the ceremony, the murmurs of the guests, faded as you walked, faster and faster, until you were outside, out of the view of the guests, heading straight for the beach.
the water was cool, the sand soft beneath your feet, the gentle breeze soothing. but it wasn't enough. you could still feel the ache in your chest, the heaviness that had settled there the moment you saw karina walking down the aisle.
you had been so certain that you could do this, that you could keep your promise and be there for her, no matter what. but now, standing on the beach, the waves washing over your feet, you realize how foolish it had been to think that.
you sank to the sand, burying your face in your hands. how had things gotten this far? how had everything become so tangled, so complicated, so fast? and why did it feel like your heart was being torn in two?
you were torn in so many directions, your mind spinning with thoughts of karina, of the kiss, of your brother, and of everything that had led to this moment. you wanted to scream, to let the confusion and frustration pour out of you, but you couldn’t. you couldn’t make sense of it all.
everything felt like it was unraveling, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. the hurt, the guilt, the love that you couldn’t seem to let go of—it all washed over you, suffocating you. you loved her. you had always loved her, but it was wrong. she was marrying your brother. it wasn’t supposed to be like this. you weren’t supposed to be the one to feel this way.
but the feeling was there, as real as the sand beneath your feet and the wind against your skin. you couldn't deny it, no matter how hard you tried.
"y/n."
your heart skipped a beat. you looked up, and there she was, standing at the edge of the sand. karina, still in her wedding dress, the fabric flowing around her as she stepped toward you, barefoot.
"y/n," she repeated, her voice soft, almost pleading.
you were frozen, unable to move, unable to speak. your throat tightened; the words stuck.
“what are you doing here?” you managed to ask, your voice wavering.
“i couldn’t let you go,” she said, her voice breathless. “i can’t let you walk away from me. not like this.”
you stood up, unsure of what to say, but before you could form any words, karina was running toward you, her wedding dress trailing behind her. she didn’t stop until she was right in front of you, her hands trembling as she reached for yours.
"i can’t marry him," she whispered, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "not when i feel like this. not when it’s you i want."
the words hit you like a punch to the gut. your mind raced. "karina, this isn’t—"
"i don’t care," she interrupted. "i can’t pretend anymore. i’m sorry. i should’ve told you sooner. i should’ve never let you go, even when i knew how wrong it was. but i can’t marry him when i’m in love with you."
you blinked, staring at her. in love with you. she was in love with you. the words echoed in your head, and you couldn't find the strength to speak.
"y/n, please. say something."
karina’s face crumpled, and she stepped closer, her hands trembling as she cupped your face. “please,” she whispered, “don’t let me lose you. you're everything i want."
her touch was warm, and you couldn't help but lean into it. she was so close, and you could feel her heartbeat, her breathing, her warmth. it was intoxicating, and before you knew what you were doing, your lips met hers, gentle and tender, as if she was afraid of breaking you.
but you couldn't break. not when she was kissing you like this. not when her lips were so soft, and her arms were around your waist, pulling you closer. it felt like the world was shifting, the ground giving way beneath your feet. but she was there, holding onto you, her grip tight and desperate, like she was afraid of losing you.
the kiss deepened, and everything else fell away. all you could feel was her. all you could think about was how right it felt, how perfect it was, and how this was the moment you had been waiting for. you were home, in her arms, and nothing else mattered.
the kiss broke, and karina pulled back, her breathing ragged. her eyes were bright, full of emotion, and you knew yours were the same.
"i love you," she whispered, her voice cracking. "i love you, and i'm sorry i didn't realize it sooner."
the words washed over you, and for the first time, everything felt right.
"i love you too," you breathed, not caring that it was wrong or that you shouldn't be saying it. you couldn't stop yourself, and the feeling of finally letting the words out was overwhelming. "you're everything i want…and more."
her eyes widened, and then a smile tugged at her lips, wide and bright, as if the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. she kissed you again, fierce and passionate, and you could feel her joy, her relief, her love. it was the kind of kiss that made your heart swell, that made you feel like you were floating, and nothing could ever come between you.
"i'm yours," she whispered against your lips, her voice breaking. "i'll always be yours."
Prompt: When Minjeong transferred to an elite school, she didn't expect to catch the attention of Y/N, the golden girl. Then again, she also didn't expect Y/N to be the root of all her misery.
Ask any student out there how they feel about school, and you'll get the same answer.
It's shit.
There was no way around it, especially not for someone like Minjeong.
Shy, quiet, reserved.
She was a walking billboard that practically screamed "bully me."
And bullied she was. Ever since high school began, she'd been their favorite target. They scrawled insults on her desk, threw food at her, and even stuffed her into a locker once.
Minjeong thought it was just the way life worked. Some people were born unlucky.
Then Taeyu came along. Messy, reckless, the kind of girl who could (and would) fight anyone. For reasons Minjeong never fully understood, Taeyu liked her. And the bullying stopped.
They became best friends. Two years passed, and things weren't perfect, but Minjeong started to believe she could survive.
She wished Taeyu was there now.
If she had Taeyu by her side, all the stupid kids wouldn't be staring at her as she made her way through the doors of her new school.
The towering entrance of Elite Open School Korea loomed before her. The glossy floors, the spotless hallways, the sunlight streaming through floor-to-ceiling windows—it was the kind of school where the rich ate up success like it was their birthright.
Minjeong didn’t belong there.
But she didn’t need to belong. She just needed to graduate. The full scholarship had been her ticket there, and she wasn’t planning to waste it. Screw fitting in. She’d keep her head down, study hard, and get the diploma.
Still, as she stepped inside, her confidence wavered. The air was heavy and she could feel the weight of all the judgmental eyes on her. She held her bag tighter and pulled out her crumpled schedule, her eyebrows knitting together as she tried to make sense of it.
The school was massive. Minjeong had no idea where to start.
"You’re with me."
Startled, Minjeong looked up and found herself face-to-face with a stunning girl who radiated confidence.
"I’m Jimin, student president. I’m supposed to take you to your class," the girl said, her tone light and warm.
Relief washed over Minjeong. She nodded, exhaling a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.
Jimin didn’t wait for a response before turning and heading down the hallway, her polished shoes clicking softly against the floor.
Minjeong hurried to follow, her school bag thumping awkwardly against her back. "I'm Minjeong."
Jimin looked over her shoulder, a few loose strands of hair brushing her face as she smiled. "I know who you are; I was the one who made your schedule." Jimin replied with a soft chuckle. "Had to fit you and the other new students into the system."
Minjeong blinked, processing her words. "That... explains a lot, actually."
Her schedule was a mess: classes from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m., a long break, and then another class that ran until 10 p.m. She wasn’t sure if it was legal to keep students in school that long but they were all rich there. Who cared if they were breaking rules?
Jimin grimaced. "Yeah, sorry about that. In my defense, though, you signed up for a lot of extracurriculars."
Minjeong’s lips twitched into a small smile. "Don’t apologize. It’s fine."
"It’ll be cool; we have a few classes together," Jimin added with a grin.
When they reached the classroom, Jimin stopped and turned to her. "Here we are. All your classes today are on this floor, so you shouldn't get too lost. But if you do, text me. My number's on the schedule I sent you."
Minjeong nodded, her cheeks flushing faintly. "Thank you, Jimin."
"Of course. Have a good first day, okay?" With a wave, Jimin disappeared down the hall, leaving Minjeong standing at the door, alone.
It wasn’t as bad as she’d feared.
Sure, a few students glanced her way as she walked in, their gazes sharp and appraising. Most of them didn’t bother hiding their curiosity—or their judgment. The guys wore designer shoes and watches, while the girls carried handbags that probably cost more than her family’s car.
Minjeong ignored them and scanned the room for a seat. She spotted one near the back and made her way over.
"That seat’s taken."
The voice was cold and cutting, and Minjeong froze mid-sit.
The girl who spoke was staring at her, eyes narrowed, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
Minjeong swallowed and stood up, looking around for another desk. She wasn’t there to make a scene.
"That one’s taken too," the girl said, her voice dripping with fake sweetness.
"Why don’t you show her to her seat, Lee?"
The new voice came from the front of the room. Minjeong turned and saw another girl leaning back lazily in her chair.
She was stunning, easily the prettiest girl in the room, with an air of casual arrogance that made her seem untouchable. Her uniform was pristine, not a single hair out of place, and her expression was unreadable.
Lee, the first girl, faltered. "I—uh..."
"Go on," the pretty girl said, her tone light but commanding. "Since every seat is taken, show her one that isn’t."
Lee clenched her jaw but got up with a huff, flipping her long black hair over her shoulder. "Fine. Follow me."
Minjeong glanced at the pretty girl again before trailing behind Lee, her head bowed.
"This one," Lee said, motioning to an empty desk.
"No," the other girl called out, her voice calm. "Not that one. She won’t be able to see the board properly."
Minjeong’s grip on her bag tightened. The room felt suffocating, every set of eyes burning into her as Lee led her to another seat.
"Here?"
"Still not good," the girl said, her tone almost playful.
Minjeong clenched her jaw, frustrated at the situation. This was all a game, and she was the entertainment.
Finally, the pretty girl tilted her head. "Tell you what. She’ll just take your seat, Lee."
Lee stiffened but didn’t argue. Her eyes flashed with anger as she grabbed her bag and stomped off.
Minjeong hesitated. She didn’t want to take Lee’s spot, didn’t want to make things worse. But when the girl raised an eyebrow and her eyes darted from her to her new assigned seat, Minjeong sighed and sat down.
She kept her head down, rummaging through her pencil case, her eyes fixed on the desk in front of her.
An awkward silence loomed over the classroom, broken only by the sound of students chatting and the occasional burst of laughter.
Minjeong’s eyes shifted to Lee, noticing the way she kept a sharp eye on her former seat. A part of her felt bad for taking it, but it was already done.
She took out her notebook, pen, and highlighter from her bag and placed them on the desk. Her hands went up to brush her short hair back behind her ears.
Minjeong’s eyes darted up to the front, looking for the teacher. Instead, she noticed the pretty girl from before standing in front of her.
Minjeong tilted her head up, keeping her shock and awkwardness from showing on her face. The girl was stunning—her features soft, her lashes long, and her lips plump.
The girl gave her a small smile. "The view okay?"
Minjeong’s head spun at the words. Her cheeks instantly flared up with embarrassment. She hadn’t meant to stare. She didn’t even realize she was staring in the first place.
"Sorry," she responded hastily. Her eyes darted around the room, desperate to look anywhere but at the stranger.
The girl chuckled lightly. "I meant the board."
"Oh."
Minjeong felt like her soul left her body out of sheer embarrassment. She couldn’t stop staring at the stranger earlier, and now she’d somehow made it worse for herself.
"Yes, it’s a great view," she mumbled, her voice small. She forced a smile, hoping to salvage the situation.
Minjeong tried to focus elsewhere, her eyes shifting to the window and the students outside, chatting with their friends and enjoying lunch—blissfully unaware of her predicament.
The girl smiled wider, clearly amused.
She extended her hand, drawing it towards Minjeong. "I’m Y/N."
Minjeong hesitated for a moment before reaching out her own hand to shake Y/N’s. "Minjeong," she replied, the handshake lasting a beat longer than necessary before she quickly pulled away.
Y/N was… a lot. Minjeong wasn’t sure what her intentions were. Was she just messing with her, or did she genuinely want to be friends?
"Pleasure to meet you," Y/N said with a nod.
Minjeong blinked. What high schooler said "pleasure to meet you"?
"You too," she muttered, her voice barely audible.
A tense silence stretched between them as the two of them stared at each other. Minjeong wanted to look away, to dig into her bag for something to distract herself, but her eyes kept finding their way back to Y/N.
"Welcome to the school. I’m sure you’ll fit in well." With that final comment, Y/N turned on her heel and walked back to her seat.
Minjeong let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.
Y/N was intimidating. She was too pretty and confident for her own good, and Minjeong didn’t know what to make of her.
All she wanted was to get through the day without any more trouble.
And, for the most part, she did.
During lunch hour, Minjeong hid in the library. Her other classes went by without much ruckus.
Throughout her first week, she realized that she shared a lot of classes with Y/N. She saw the popular girl almost every day. Correction: she noticed the small smiles Y/N sent her between classes—almost every day.
It was… weird.
Y/N had a cool friend group and a perfect reputation around the school. She had no reason to even notice Minjeong.
“You need to leave the newbie alone. Her friends died. Have a little compassion.”
Y/N turned to glare at Yeonjun. It was Friday, and the group was eating lunch together. Since Monday, Y/N hadn’t seen Minjeong set foot in the cafeteria.
“You could be a bit more respectful about it, no?”
Yeonjun pouted dramatically. “Chill, I was joking.”
“Our Y/N is protective over the newbie,” Aeri teased, nudging Y/N’s side playfully, trying to get a reaction out of her.
“Why would I be protective over anyone?” Y/N huffed, picking at her food as if it were playdough. Her eyes lingered on the unopened sandwich she’d bought that morning.
“Well, you keep looking for her,” Chaewon pointed out, raising an eyebrow as she sat down beside Yeonjun with a knowing smile. “In class and now here.”
Y/N felt cornered. She usually didn’t show this much interest in anyone, and her friends had noticed. It was irritating.
Before she could mutter an excuse for her behavior, her phone rang. Her friends immediately knew who was calling by the look on her face.
“I’ll see you guys later.” She grabbed her belongings and stood up, phone already raised to her ear. “Yes, Dad?”
The call only lasted a minute or two, but it gave Y/N the perfect excuse to slip away. She wandered into the library, her curious eyes scanning the room for one person in particular.
“Lunch is important, you know?”
Minjeong jumped at the sudden voice, her wide eyes snapping up to see Y/N standing in front of her, hands on her hips.
“Are you stalking me?” The words slipped from Minjeong’s mouth before she could stop herself.
Her heart pounded, anxiety clawing at her throat. She had no idea why Y/N was taking an interest in her—why she kept showing up, insisting on toying with her.
Y/N was surprised, to say the least.
Minjeong had some bite. It wasn’t what Y/N expected from the shy girl she’d met on the first day.
“I guess,” Y/N said with a soft hum, casually pulling a chair out and sitting beside her. She reached into her bag, pulling out the sandwich she hadn’t eaten earlier, and handed it to Minjeong. “Eat.”
Minjeong stared at the sandwich, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I already ate,” she said flatly, not reaching for it.
Y/N’s eyes flicked down to Minjeong’s half-open bag. An apple and a small carton of orange juice sat inside—it was all Minjeong ever brought, and she usually saved it for her late 10 PM class.
“No, you haven’t.”
Minjeong’s shoulders slumped slightly. Y/N was far more observant than she had anticipated.
Minjeong looked down at the sandwich again, conflicted. She wasn’t a fan of being told what to do, but Y/N had clearly gone out of her way to give it to her. Refusing would make her feel bad.
Slowly, she reached out and took the sandwich, giving a small nod.
“Thank you.”
“It’s nothing,” Y/N said casually.
It didn’t take long for Minjeong to finish it.
“So, what are you reading?” Y/N was usually good at making conversation, but with Minjeong, she couldn’t help feeling a little nervous.
Minjeong blinked, snapping out of her food-induced daze. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she finished the sandwich. Now that it was gone, her body slumped back in the chair, heavy with fatigue.
Her gaze shifted to the half-read book on the table, her fingers brushing over the cover. She avoided looking at Y/N, knowing how easily she got flustered.
“A book,” she responded plainly, hoping Y/N would get the hint.
Y/N nodded, a playful smile tugging at her lips. “Very informative.”
Minjeong sighed, unable to come up with a retort. The silence between them grew, awkward and heavy. She wasn’t used to this—having someone like Y/N hover around her. They were opposites in almost every way, and Minjeong couldn’t fathom why Y/N was even there.
Her eyes lifted briefly from the book, just to check if Y/N was still looking. Their gazes met, and Minjeong’s breath caught. Her cheeks burned, and she quickly looked away quickly.
Y/N cleared her throat, the confidence in her voice softening. She fiddled with her fingers, her usual ease replaced with hesitation. “I’m... sorry about what happened. At your last school.”
Minjeong froze, her eyes widening. A lump formed in her throat as she tried to think of something to say.
She hadn’t expected an apology—least of all from Y/N. But even if she had, she wouldn’t have known how to respond.
Her body tensed, her knee bouncing beneath the table. “I’m sure it hasn’t been easy,” Y/N continued, her voice gentle. “Especially with all the idiots making fun of it.”
‘Cancer school.’
The cruel nickname flashed through Minjeong’s mind.
It wasn’t far from the truth.
Several students had suddenly passed away at her old school and it didn't take long for investigators to find out that the building materials used for the school were highly toxic—cancerous, in fact. Minjeong was one of the lucky ones, spared from any trouble. She had survived unscathed, physically at least, and had been granted a scholarship to transfer elsewhere—a quiet bribe to keep her mouth shut.
Taeyu hadn’t been so lucky.
Minjeong’s hands trembled as the memories clawed their way to the surface. She had buried them so deeply, refusing to confront them, but they always left a bitter taste when they resurfaced.
She swallowed hard, her eyes darting around the library. Despite knowing Y/N’s words came from a place of kindness, Minjeong felt a pang of irritation.
“Thank you.” Her voice was hollow, mouth dry. She wanted to be anywhere but there. Her cheeks flushed with a mix of anger and embarrassment, emotions she couldn’t quite control.
She stuffed her jacket into her bag, voice shaky as she muttered, “I appreciate it.”
Y/N’s eyes widened slightly, alarm flashing across her face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep—”
“Save it.” Minjeong snapped, cutting her off. She didn’t meet Y/N’s gaze as she shoved her things into her bag and walked away.
She wasn’t sure who she was angry at—Y/N, for bringing it up, or herself, for not being able to let it go.
The wound still felt raw. She wasn’t ready to face it, and all she wanted was to forget.
But after a few days, the sting of her reaction dulled and guilt creped in.
Y/N had only been trying to be kind, and Minjeong had been rude.
After debating with herself for days, Minjeong decided to swallow her pride and apologise.
Before one of their shared classes, Minjeong watched as Y/N walked into the room, making her way to her usual seat.
Now or never.
Her heart pounded as she stood, each step toward Y/N feeling heavier than the last. Minjeong didn’t want to be there, she didn’t want to apologize. Admitting she felt bad was almost worse than snapping in the first place.
But the guilt wouldn’t leave her alone, and she knew it wouldn’t until she said something.
“Y/N?”
Y/N looked up from her notebook, her face lighting up when she saw Minjeong. “There you are,” she said, rummaging through her bag. She pulled out a neatly wrapped sandwich—the same kind she’d given Minjeong in the library. “I’ve been eating these all week, and I hate cheese.”
Without hesitation, Y/N extended the sandwich toward Minjeong.
Minjeong stared at it, swallowing hard. She didn’t need pity or charity. That wasn’t why she’d come over.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you the other day,” she said, ignoring the food.
Y/N’s eyes softened, her expression gentle.
Minjeong forced herself to turn away, eager to retreat to her seat. Her conscience was clear now, and she didn’t owe Y/N anything more.
But before she could take another step, a hand caught her wrist.
Y/N’s touch was firm yet delicate, her grip just enough to stop Minjeong without making her feel trapped.
Minjeong turned slowly, pulse quickening as her eyes met Y/N’s.
Y/N smiled, her voice warm and sincere. “I’m the charity act here, not you.” She nodded toward the sandwich still in her hand. “I genuinely hate these sandwiches.”
Minjeong froze for a second... was she that easy to read?
"Why do you keep buying them then?" Minjeong asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
Y/N shrugged, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm allergic to salmon, and they like to serve it at the cafeteria, so I bring it just in case."
A little white lie never hurt anyone, right?
But Minjeong was insistent, "I don't see how that's my problem."
"It's your problem because I want to get to know you," Y/N admitted without hesitation. "And the sandwich was just the perfect excuse for it."
Minjeong wanted to ask why Y/N didn't just buy something she actually liked, but she had a feeling Y/N would have an excuse for that too.
So, she sighed and finally took the food, giving a small nod.
"You're eating this if I ever see salmon being served at the cafeteria," Minjeong added.
Y/N smiled, her eyes lingering on Minjeong. "Deal."
Minjeong could feel her face heating up at how casually Y/N agreed to her request.
She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. Even though she was still uncomfortable with how Y/N was so interested in her, she couldn’t deny that she was beginning to understand why everyone talked about her.
Y/N was kind, sweet, and charming. It was almost impossible to resist her, but Minjeong knew she had to keep her distance.
She kept her distance.
For a few hours.
Later that day, when Y/N asked her to go out for coffee, Minjeong found herself accepting the offer.
Just like she accepted Y/N’s offer to give her her number a few days later.
Minjeong had no control over it. She was just pulled in.
For a while, she tried to fight it, but in the end, she couldn’t.
It felt nice to be liked. Y/N would take her out for lunch and dinner whenever Minjeong was free, always doing whatever it took to make her feel special.
Minjeong hated how addictive it was, getting attention from someone like Y/N. It made it that much harder to ignore her growing attraction.
"We could go to your house, if you'd like?" Y/N asked, leaning against Minjeong’s desk, her eyes carefully gauging Minjeong’s reaction.
They had a group project to do, and thankfully, the teacher let them choose their own partners.
Minjeong shrugged, her eyes drawn to her notebook as she finished her exercise. "I don't know, honestly."
Y/N nodded, her eyes intense. "My house?"
Minjeong paused for a moment to consider the proposition. They’d gone out together before, hung out during breaks, and after school. But being in Y/N’s house felt somehow more personal.
She nodded slowly, “Yeah, sure.”
Y/N's eyes brightened up as a smile took over her face.
It still felt like a double-edged sword. Like Minjeong had a price to pay to be hanging out with Y/N.
"Cool, I'll wait for you by your locker at the end of the day."
Y/N started to walk away, but Minjeong reached out for her hand. "I only finish classes at 10 today."
They had been hanging out four two months by then, Y/N knew Minjeong's schedule by heart.
Y/N couldn’t stop herself. Before she knew what she was doing, she reached out and brushed a strand of Minjeong's hair behind her ear. "Don't worry about it."
By the time she reached her table, Y/N had already cursed herself out at least twenty times.
She needed to get a hold of herself.
Still, she couldn't help the excitement that took over her body. She was getting there. Slowly but surely, she was winning over Minjeong.
Y/N's classes ended at 5 PM that day, so she hung out around school while she waited. She went to the library, finished her homework, and even started on the group project. Who knows? Maybe if Minjeong saw that the project was well advanced, she'd agree to watch a movie. Or just talk.
By the time 10 PM came around, Y/N was wrapped up in her long coat, hands stuck in her pockets as she waited for Minjeong.
Minjeong arrived at 10:10, accompanied by a figure that had Y/N freezing up.
Jimin.
The student council president.
Her ex-girlfriend.
An ex-girlfriend that also seemed surprised at seeing Y/N.
"Oh, hi." Jimin tried to smile, turning to Minjeong with a gulp. "You didn't tell me your friend was her."
Minjeong stood there, hands in her hoodie pocket as she looked between Y/N and Jimin in confusion. "You two know each other?"
Jimin and Y/N's history was complicated, and Y/N hated thinking or talking about it. But it happened. She was her first love.
"Yeah," Jimin responded, her eyes glued on Y/N. "We were toge-"
"-It's a small school." Y/N barely looked back at Jimin. "Should we get going? It's a little late already."
Minjeong wasn't oblivious to the way Jimin and Y/N looked at each other. The air was thick with tension, and Y/N seemed oddly uncomfortable the whole time, her body language closed off.
Something was definitely going on, Minjeong couldn’t shake that feeling all the way to Y/N's house.
Once they reached their destination, Minjeong looked around curiously. Y/N didn’t mention that she was well off, but it was almost expected of her.
Popular girl at an elite school.
Minjeong wasn't surprised to be led to a mansion in Gangnam-gu.
It was lavish and spacious. Minjeong felt like she had to pay a tax just to look at the furniture.
"Your parents already sleeping?"
Y/N shook her head, leading the way upstairs to her room.
"My parents live in Dobong. I live with a few employees."
"Oh," Minjeong was surprised, but it seemed normal for Y/N. Was that a normal thing for rich people? "Why is that?"
Minjeong caught the way Y/N's shoulders tensed up for just a second. "For work."
She decided to not touch the subject again as they finally arrived at Y/N's room.
It was a tidy space. The bedroom was nice, cozy, and chic. Minjeong couldn’t help but wonder if it was even a room made for a teenager, though. It looked like the rooms Minjeong had seen at IKEA.
"I didn't know you were friends with Jimin," Y/N let out quietly, taking off her blazer and loosening her tie. She looked at Minjeong with soft but darker eyes than usual.
Minjeong was caught off guard, to say the least.
Her eyes followed Y/N's figure—she had never seen her without the blazer.
Y/N undid the top of her button-up shirt, and suddenly, Minjeong felt the need to look away.
"I- yeah. I eat and have a few classes with her sometimes. Met her on my first day at school."
Y/N nodded slowly, eyes following Minjeong as the short-haired girl looked around her room.
She sat on her bed almost unmoving, back tensely upright. "Do you like her?"
Minjeong blinked at the question, her brain processing the words.
Did she like Jimin? She supposed she did. The other girl was nice and always helpful, plus she didn’t tease Minjeong about her past either.
She wasn't sure what prompted Y/N to ask, but Minjeong answered honestly.
"Yeah, she's nice. Why?"
"Nice in a way that makes you want to date her?"
The question had Minjeong's head snapping to Y/N, eyes wide.
"I- uh-" Minjeong swallowed hard, her cheeks heating up at the insinuation.
"We're just friends," she blurted out. "Why do you ask?"
Y/N let out a hum, eyes fixed on Minjeong, "Because I like you."
Minjeong's breath hitched when Y/N said those words. That was not what she’d been expecting to hear.
Her heart pounded in her ears, so loud it almost drowned out every other sound. She just stood there staring at Y/N, eyes wide.
After a few painfully silent moments, Minjeong found the voice to ask, "You what?"
Y/N looked down at her hands, fingers playing with each other as she gathered her words.
"I know we've only known each other for a few months, but I like you. I was wondering if you'd let me get to know you even better. Maybe get closer?"
"You...you want to date me?"
The words were barely a whisper, the disbelief evident in Minjeong's face and the way she looked at Y/N.
She was torn on what to say. Minjeong didn't want to get her hopes up again, but Y/N made her feel something.
Her body was screaming at her to say yes, but her mind was telling her to refuse.
Things had been awkward with Jimin. Minjeong was sure Y/N was hiding something from her. She was Y/N. No one like Y/N would ever want anything to do with Minjeong. There had to be another reason for all this.
Y/N smiled, "Well, yes, eventually. I'm not very traditional, but I would like to court you first, if you'd let me."
Minjeong's eyes dropped back down to her hands, her mind whirling with a multitude of possible outcomes.
What if it didn't work out? What if things exploded in their face and they couldn't even be friends anymore?
Did it matter?
It was just dating. It wasn't like Minjeong was agreeing to marry Y/N. If things went sideways, they could always break up and go back to being friends.
"I- could you give me a little time to think about it?"
Minjeong inwardly chastised herself as soon as the words escaped her mouth.
She had just rejected the most popular girl in school.
She had just rejected Y/N.
Well, sort of rejected, right?
Things weren't over. Minjeong just needed to think things over.
Y/N smiled as gently as always, "Of course. You have all the time in the world, Minjeong. I don't want to rush anything."
Minjeong felt like she could breathe so much easier after Y/N said that, as if a boulder had been lifted from her chest. She'd half expected Y/N to be mad or angry at her, but she was still smiling softly.
Not that Minjeong would know how to handle Y/N when she was angry. She couldn't even imagine it.
"Thank you," Minjeong whispered, her voice barely audible in Y/N's room but still loud enough to be heard. "I promise to get back to you soon."
It was Y/N's turn to feel her chest lightening up.
Things weren't ruined.
She hadn't ruined anything.
Minjeong just needed her time, and Y/N would give it to her.
She had been patient from the start, why wouldn't she be now?
"I appreciate that," Y/N patted the bed at her side. "Come here, let me show you the ideas I had for our project."
Minjeong didn't hesitate to indeed go sit by Y/N's side.
She still felt a little tense but it didn't take long for her to fully relax again.
After a good two hours of work, Minjeong turned around in Y/N's bed, eyes falling on a framed picture on the bedside table. It was Friday so they had all the time in the world to be lazy. Didn't matter how late it was.
"You looked cute as a baby, you know?"
Y/N's eyes widened in surprise, and she glanced at the direction Minjeong was staring.
There was a picture of her as a toddler, grinning at the camera with a cute and wide smile that showed off the four teeth she had at the time.
"Oh," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper and a soft smile on her face as she looked at the picture. "Did I?"
She was feeling embarrassed that Minjeong was looking at it. "I don't have many pictures with them, so I keep that one there."
Minjeong nodded quietly, her eyes never leaving Y/N's framed picture. She looked a lot different now, but Minjeong supposed that was true for everyone.
"You looked adorable," she added softly, her eyes glued to the toddler in the photo. It was a little strange to think how much had changed in Y/N's life since then, but Minjeong didn't dwell on it much.
"Do you miss them?" She finally asked, tilting her head to the side slightly as her eyes turned to Y/N.
"Sometimes," Y/N shrugged. It's not like they were dead, she just didn't see them a lot. "It gets harder during the holidays. I was close to my mother, but she's been very... involved in my father's work, so yeah."
"That must be hard..." Minjeong sighed, her eyebrows furrowing in thought.
She couldn't fathom the idea of being away from her own parents.
Withdrawing her eyes from the picture frame, Minjeong scooted a little closer to Y/N. "You know," she spoke softly, "You can always come hang out at my house during the holidays."
"I couldn't possibly bother you... or your family," Y/N shook her head, a small smile rising to her face.
The truth was that Y/N didn't really have a family, and as cold and impersonal as her parents were, they had always given her everything she would need or ask for.
She couldn't complain about anything, but at the same time, she couldn't help but wonder sometimes what it would feel like to have a cozy, warm house instead of a huge empty mansion. Not having to eat alone during Christmas morning.
The idea of Y/N spending the holidays with her was a strange one. Minjeong was just starting to get used to the idea of dating. Her heart beat faster at the mere thought of bringing Y/N around her family.
She'd just have to talk to them first. It wouldn't be too hard, her mother had been asking about Y/N ever since Minjeong first brought her up.
But Minjeong didn't want to get ahead of herself. She was still trying to decide how to respond to Y/N's confession.
Still, she did feel good about the idea of having Y/N around.
"Are you kidding me? My parents would love you more than they love me. I can already picture them serving you first and leaving my siblings and I for last."
Y/N rolled her eyes softly, knowing that Minjeong was just teasing her.
"We'll see where things go and maybe I'll drop by to bring your parents a Christmas gift."
Christmas wasn't that far away, but Minjeong hadn't expected Y/N to even think about buying her family anything. She didn't even know them.
"Oh wow, you're getting my parents a gift but not me?"
A teasing smile appeared on Y/N's face, "They're the ones I want to impress."
Minjeong gasped at Y/N's teasing. She playfully hit the other girl, her own teasing smile on her face. "Are you saying my opinion doesn't matter?" she asked in mock hurt.
Minjeong couldn't deny that it did make her happy.
Y/N didn't have to like her family, but she was still going out of her way to do something nice. Minjeong appreciated it a lot, even if Y/N had a tendency to make her flustered.
"I'm saying their opinion matters more."
Minjeong laughed at that, her eyes crinkling up as she did. "I'm sure they'll like you as much as I do," she said sincerely without thinking about the words.
A beat after the words left her mouth, Minjeong froze. "I just mean..." She cleared her throat. "That you're cool and nice."
"Oh..." Y/N pretended to be flattered. "I'm cool and nice. Who would've thought?"
"I didn't realize you could make jokes," Minjeong shot back teasingly.
"Hilarious."
She liked this, the playful back and forth. She felt comfortable, talking about anything and everything with Y/N.
But there was always the hint in the back of her mind, telling her that there was more to it.
So, she decided to get to the end of the story and brought the topic up during lunch with Jimin, only a few days later.
"So, what really happened between you and Y/N?"
That caught everyone's attention.
Ning was quick to gulp, eyes drawn on Jimin, and Yunjin almost spat her food out.
Minjeong wasn't expecting that reaction.
Was the question that bad?
She hesitated, turning to Jimin with a look that screamed 'you don't have to answer if you don't want to'.
After recollecting her thoughts, Jimin cleared her throat and spoke up. "We dated for two years. Broke up four months ago."
"They were like- the IT couple of the school. It was kind of funny." Ning shook her head, eyes soft and sad as she looked down at the table.
The group missed Y/N, Aeri, and Chaewon. They had separated from each other after the breakup. Sides were taken. Mistakes were made.
Minjeong wasn’t sure what answer she’d been expecting, but it wasn’t this.
Two years. That was a long time, longer than she had imagined. And the fact that they’d only broken up four months ago? It seemed...recent.
Minjeong felt her heart tighten as she listened intently to Jimin. She had a lot of questions, and now that the topic was brought up, might as well ask. "Why'd you two break up?"
The curiosity was getting the better of her. Minjeong had no intention whatsoever of being involved in a love triangle drama. That was the last thing she needed to be associated with.
"Well, I realised I just couldn't associate myself with people like her or her family. It was a moral thing." Jimin spoke about it in a light way, but something about her expression told Minjeong she was still grieving her relationship.
Minjeong nodded at the answer, unsure of how to respond. She glanced over at her friends seated around her, her gaze falling back on Jimin with an uneasy smile. "What's wrong with Y/N and her family?"
"You know, I didn't want to be the one telling you this, but I think it's only fair to you." Jimin sighed. She knew Minjeong went to Y/N's house the other day- being honest was the right thing to do. "Y/N's father is the mayor of Seoul. Those rumors about him being in charge of building your last school are true. Him and his family are just doing their very best to bury the scandal since he's going to run for presidency next year."
"My last school?" Minjeong's voice was soft, throat suddenly dry.
The cheaper but toxic materials used to build the school. The deaths of her friends. Taeyu.
That was all because of Y/N's father.
...and Y/N knew.
Y/N knew all along, didn't she?
All the attention.
All the gifts.
The stupid sandwiches Y/N gave her.
Y/N being nice to her when she didn’t really need to.
It all played back in her mind, over and over again.
Minjeong felt like the biggest fool in the world.
What was she?
Some sort of pity project to Y/N? Was she just being made fun of all along?
Her chest tightened painfully, and she felt the overwhelming need to get away.
Minjeong cleared her throat and stood up from her seat, her chair scraping against the floor. “Excuse me,” she said quietly.
desc: 2 hours until midnight, 2 hours until you welcome the new year and 2 hours until minjeong’s 24th birthday.
wc: 1.6k
tags: slight angst if u squint; not proofread, minjeong seems like a red flag at first 💔
warnings: none really, maybe a SLIGHT implication of sexual encounters (not really but yk)
it had been aeri’s idea to throw a new year's party against your better judgement — after all, you're her flatmate, which also means you have a say on what gatherings can happen in this apartment specifically. “come on, yn, it'll only be a small gathering,” the pink haired girl had told you.
by ‘small gathering’, she meant her six of her colleagues, old friends from your high school, and her whole friend group. by no means was this considered large, but you worry about how everyone would fit in a 200sqm apartment. her friend group (which was coincidentally also your *only* friend group), consisted of jimin, yizhuo, and minjeong. you didn't hate minjeong, it's not like you weren't close or anything— you were, maybe just a little too much. unbeknownst to the other three, you had been stuck in a constant cycle of ‘will they won't they’, a cruel reminder of the nights you’ve spent in the blonde’s twin sized bed only to wake up without her.
kim minjeong is confusing.
you don't know where you stand with her. multiple times she has whispered you, ‘i love you’ underneath the covers; multiple times where she had almost slipped up and introduced you as her girlfriend in front of people she meets, only to act like she doesn't even *know* you later. confusion and hurt: the two words you would use to describe your relationship (or lack thereof), and intoxicating: the word you would use to describe kim minjeong— or maybe hesitant. countless of times you have fallen into this game of push and pull.
and it would take the heavens to keep you from doing so.
~
aeri snaps her fingers in front of your face, bringing you out of your daydream. “hellooo? aeri to n/n,”
you whip your head over to look in her direction, blinking a few times. “sorry, what’re you talking about?”
“you've been like this all day,” she continues, furrowing her eyebrows. “is something up? c’mon, spill it— im your best friend.”
a few seconds of silence follow, before you finally snap out of it for a second time. “nothing, i'm just tired, we've been cleaning the damn apartment all day long, aeri.”
the pink-haired girl began to laugh, seemingly relieved her best friend, the one she knew and loved was back. “there you are! you've been strangely quiet, i was getting worried.”
“i hate cleaning, you know that, gi,”
meaningless conversation followed, something the two of you had grown to love ever since you moved in together, before the sound of your doorbell ringing caught your attention. patting you on the back, aeri stood up, making her way to the door to see who it was. checking the front door camera, the familiar heads of wine red and black hair appeared at the door, you heard aeri animatedly greeting the two before the door shut behind them.
you stood up, moving to hug jimin and yizhuo with a grin plastered across your face. thank the lord the previous conversation with aeri distracted you from the thoughts of minjeong. “jimin, ning, thanks for coming,” you smiled, exclaiming into the material of jimin’s sweater.
the tallest laughed, fixing your top as she pulled away. “of course, if it's you guys, i'd come in a heartbeat.”
you'd always considered jimin to be the most motherly out of everyone, taking care of each and every one of you and your friends. turning to yizhuo, you find she’s already sat down at the kitchen island, pouring herself a drink as she gossips with aeri.
~
coats pile up on the rack as the night falls and the party stretches on, with more familiar faces and some unfamiliar ones, which you assume are aeri’s colleagues. however, when the doorbell rings again only to find minjeong at the door with a small present, all your emotions begin to flood your mind, the buzz of the party unable to distract your thoughts when you're faced with the root of your distress.
a beat passes.
“i didn't think you'd come. i thought you were in busan.” a mumble. you avoid her neutral gaze in fear of breaking down.
“i came back early,” she replies in a much softer tone. the short haired girl extends the gift box out to you. “merry late christmas, don't tell the others i didn't get anything for them,”
you let her in, watching as she goes through the process of hugging and greeting each one of her friends before walking off to talk to some other people. pocketing the small gift box, you slump down on the couch, watching the sky outside for a while.
“hey,” a voice beside you says. someone approaches you, glass in hand, and you recognise her from one of your classes. you turn to face her, sitting up offering a small smile. “yn, right? i'm natty.”
“oh, yeah, ive seen you around but we've never had the chance to talk before,” she smiles at your words, taking a sip of her drink. “nice to meet you.”
you return the smile; she's sociable, easy to talk to even. “nice to meet you, too.”
the minutes pass, and you fail to notice minjeong’s eyes boring into the back of your head from where she's sat on a stool. ryujin stops herself mid sentence, her eyes following the blonde’s trail of sight. “jealous, huh?“
the other whips her head around to face her. “huh? what do you mean?”
“never mind,” she smiles before changing the subject.
minjeong watches your conversation intently— just why was her face getting hot? her expression is a mix of frustration, bitterness, and confusion. just why was she feeling this way? she runs her hand through her short blonde hair, turning to ryujin. “i'll be back, i'm going to the bathroom.” the other gives her a nod as she basically dashes to lock herself in the bathroom. as minjeong stares at her reflection in the mirror; she grips the edge of the counter, her face red and eyes glossy. “fuck, i'm losing it,” she mumbles.
kim minjeong has never felt this way.
now that she has; she doesn't know how to handle it— and it's killing both you and her at the same time: two birds with one stone.
switching the faucet on, she splashes her face with the chilling water in an attempt to snap herself out of it; to collect and compose herself. minjeong looks back at her reflection in the mirror, face now dripping with water— her reflection scares her. “get it together, kim minjeong. jesus christ, what are you doing?!” she whispers before drying her wet face with a paper towel and making her way back to the party.
the time on her phone displays 11:53. 7 minutes until midnight.
after searching almost desperately for another three minutes, she finds you alone on the balcony, silently watching you as you stared at the skyline, the cold winter air blowing at your face and messing up your hair.
her breath hitches at the sight.
you turn your whole body around, leaning against the glass railing. “what?”
“we need to talk,” minjeong states, stepping closer.
“about what?” your eyebrows furrow and you look to the side briefly.
“our relationship.”
those two words hit you like a fucking punch to the gut. you freeze in place, looking her square in the eyes. your eyes widen and the words you're trying so desperately to say become trapped in your dry throat.
“you don't get to say that, kim minjeong.”
minjeong is taken aback. she furrows her eyebrows, her lips forming a slight frown. “what?”
“you heard me. you don't get to show up and tell me we need to talk about ‘our relationship.’” you scoff, stepping closer to the other. “because, let's be real, what fucking relationship even is there? we're friends, but you sometimes want to pretend we're dating for your own benefit— what's it going to be, minjeong, what am i?!”
a beat follows as neither of you talk, too afraid to continue.
those minutes feel an awfully lot like hours before she speaks again.
11:58.
“look, n/n,” she begins. “fuck, i never meant to make you feel that way, i'm- i'm just confused, and—”
“confused?“
“let me speak. now that i've gotten too close, i pushed you away in confusion— i don't know how the fuck to deal with shit like this,” minjeong continues, extending her arm to grab your hand— its cold against hers. “i'm so, so sorry, and i know you're hurt and pissed and you don't have to forgive me, but—”
the commotion from inside the party breaks the bubble surrounding the both of you, pulling you back to reality.
ten.
breathe in; breathe out. minjeong's breaths are shallow as she takes in your slightly confused expression.
nine.
minjeong swallows, looking you in the eyes before continuing.
eight.
“i'm so sorry,”
seven.
she closes her eyes for a half-second. “i really, really,”
six.
confused, you speak up. “minjeong, what the hells going—”
five.
“shush.” the blonde huffs. “let me continue.”
four.
“i really like you,”
three.
she tracks her words again, realising what she had just said. “no, i'm in love with you.”
two.
minjeong takes a deep breath, making eye contact.
one.
“i'm really, really in love with you,” she whispers, as if no one but you and her were to know it, as if it were a secret.
twelve midnight.
“minjeong, what—” you begin, only to be interrupted and caught off guard by the sensation of minjeong’s pink lips against yours. soft and gentle, she grabs the side of your face, pulling you in as you finally kiss her back, and it's all she's ever wanted. it's all *youve* ever wanted.
all the nights you've spent dreaming of this, dreaming of minjeong: dreaming of being hers, weren't in vain. no, not at all.
when she finally pulls away, she stares into your eyes, the city lights reflecting off of your irises. “happy new year.”
a few seconds of comfortable silence pass before you speak again, your voice quiet.
“and happy birthday, minjeong,”
~
a/n: HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HAPPY WJNTER DAYY (in my timezone atleast) i literally wrote this in like an hour while waiting for the fireworks so i'm sorry if it's trash 😭😭
SUMMARY: Your life couldn’t have been worse. You aspired to make a living as a photographer, but instead, you found yourself working in a fast-food restaurant alongside a colleague who rarely offered you any good company. Everything changed when the famous model Karina showed up at your workplace. After a few days, she managed to convince the editorial team to hire you as the photographer for her photoshoot. However, your career faced another threat when Karina pressured you to assist her with a strictly confidential operation.
GENRES: angst, lies, loneliness, we will face suffering in this life, but eventually, things will improve, and we will start over again and again, fluff at the end.
WORD COUNT: 6.9k
AUTHOR'S NOTE: english is not my first language! i'm not cut out for writing long stories. i went crazy countless times while writing this one :)) i added a little bit every day and it made the story more confusing. the next five things I write will be fluff, no more angst for a while + thank you for all the support you have shown for what i wrote. i am extremely grateful and happy that someone was able to appreciate them!
Life didn't end when you lost all your friends because of bad choices, didn't know where to put your hands, or stopped recognizing yourself in what you did and said. Life didn't end when you turned twenty. At least that's what you told yourself every morning to convince yourself to get up, when even what had previously seemed sensible lost all meaning.
In the eyes of your parents and your old friends, you had remained imprinted as a sour girl, difficult to manage but who, beyond some character problems, had always shown herself willing to help. Never to be helped. Perhaps this had a powerful impact. In your daily life, no one asked how you were in the morning. Was it more difficult for others to reach out to you and always receive a refusal or was it more difficult for you now to be alone, without anyone? And yet loneliness had always been so dear to you; a space where you could truly be yourself.
After trying to attend political science university for a few months and failing the first exam, you soon realized that it wasn't for you. The only luck was having met a girl who, between one lesson and another, had introduced you to the world of photography.
In photography, you discover a kind of joy that you could share. Often others would ask you for photos and you, with a big smile, couldn't wait to take one.
Of course, everything got complicated when you had to come to terms with reality. There was no longer just photography, you also had to think about earning some money.
That's how you ended up working at a fast food restaurant that was open all day and, with the constant fear of running out of money at any moment, you signed up for all the night shifts. Someone had set you up by telling you that they paid more, but only when your first paycheck arrived did you realize that your dear colleague only wanted to get rid of the difficult shifts.
That night, you and Sunwoo, the beloved colleague who had actually made fun of you a few years earlier, were at the counter of the fast food restaurant busy playing UNO. It was more than rare to see customers at two in the morning.
“UNO!” Sunwoo shouted at the top of his lungs.
“Fuck you, asshole! I’m tired and you dare win my favorite card game!” you threw the remaining cards of the deck off the counter.
Sunwoo huffed and, with an agile leap, got off the counter and went to retrieve the poor cards that were now lying on the floor that was far too clean for the hygiene standards of the place where you worked.
“It’s the only card game you know how to play, Y/n”
It was cold outside. A cold that froze the bones. Your winter uniforms didn’t warm you enough and the heating had suddenly stopped working the day before.
Sunwoo didn't let it show, but he hated working more than you did. He had a dream more ambitious than yours and unfortunately, every door was closed in his face. The fast food place where he worked with you was the daily confirmation that failure was a constant in his life. And you were experiencing the same situation first-hand.
Sometimes photography gave you work, but you couldn't eat from it. Small jobs are undoubtedly formative, but not appealing to the taste of those big companies that looked at your disastrous portfolio.
While Sunwoo began to sweep the clean floor, you, lost in your thoughts, froze, feelinglessly staring at the street you looked at every night.
Suddenly, you saw a black limousine approaching, and, scared that someone important might be there, you shook Sunwoo’s arm and pointed to the car. His eyes widened as well.
But to your surprise, the first person to step out of the car was a man in a tuxedo who then proceeded to open the back door facing the fast-food restaurant. A girl of medium height came out, wearing a black dress that hugged her body in all the right places. When she was closer to the door, you immediately noticed, illuminated by the decadent lights of the place where you were, that she had heavy makeup on her face that beautifully framed her eyes.
The young raven-haired girl sat on the stool in front of the counter. Sunwoo was still speechless. He could only mutter a shy, unprofessional “Ah, hi,” to which the girl responded with a sweet smile.
Her gaze shifted to you and you flinched.
“Can I order?” she reached out to grab the menu Sunwoo had sat on earlier.
“I guess so.”
“The menu with the fattest, greasiest, biggest sandwich you have, please.”
Sunwoo snatched the menu out of her hands and shouted “Right away!”, disappearing into the kitchen and leaving you in front of the girl. Outside, you noticed her date glaring at you.
“Not many customers come by, do they?”
“We don’t usually see anyone. That’s why your visit surprised us a lot”
The girl laughed in a strangely loud way. Strange, I thought she was more composed.
“God, please. We will be more or less the same age, don't be so formal,” she wiped her hands on her dress laughing, and then looked at you ready to shake your hand “I'm Karina. It’s a stage name. I model full-time."
You shook hands with her, apologizing for how cold and greasy it might feel.
“Well, I… I work here.”
The girl smiled at you.
“And do you like working here?”
“What?”
Sunwoo came with Karina’s order and placed it before her, avoiding her gaze. When he crossed yours, you noticed that the boy had red cheeks. I whispered something to you but you didn’t understand.
It’s been too long since someone asked you what it was like to live a life you no longer wanted. Your mouth dried up and you were unable to answer. Karina shrugged and began eating the sandwich undisturbed.
With her mouth still full from the bite she had just taken, the model opened up to speak. It was evident she was nothing like the stereotype of a typical model; her authenticity was refreshing. Feeling overwhelmed, you moved two stools away from the client, seeking a bit of distance as you listened, intrigued by her unique charm.
"You took those, didn’t you?" Karina found it difficult to eat that part, but she couldn’t help but examine the few decorations in the fast-food restaurant.
"Ah, those pictures," you turned your entire body to look at them. "Yes, I took all of them. They’re from our customers who left a special tip."
"Special tip?" Karina asked, intrigued.
"Yes, for a change of $4, you receive a Polaroid and agree to have it displayed on this wall. It’s not worth much, though, because I’m required to take two pictures for the price of one."
"They are all very pretty. I know some people."
"There are a lot of people passing by. Sometimes they tell you their story, take a picture, and then leave, never to return. It’s almost as if-"
"Romantic, yes" Karina finished the sentence for you, to your great surprise.
The silence that was created afterward was strangely comfortable. For someone like you who was always uncomfortable when she met strangers, the situation was quite strange.
Karina, on the other hand, seemed completely at ease as she was happily humming and chewing at the same time.
When the crow finished eating, she got up from her stool, stretched her arms, and put ten euros on the counter.
"Please don't make me change." "Pardon?" "I would like one of those photos. I'm looking forward to experiencing this too." What enthusiasm!
You took the Polaroid and waited for the young woman to pose before taking the picture. Karina made a big heart with her arms and gave you a wink.
She is truly a model…
"Are you done?"
"Done!"
Karina approached you, then stood behind you and waited for the Polaroid to be ready. When she was ready, the girl screamed full of joy. You smiled unconsciously.
"I love it, thank you!" she leaned it delicately on the counter and then turned quickly towards you, continuing to talk.
"Let’s take the other one! Let’s do it together. Where is that boy? Boy! Boy! Ehiii!"
Sunwoo ran out of the kitchen alarmed.
"What- what happened?"
"Nothing, Sunwoo" You put your hand on your forehead.
"Can you take a picture of us? So we can hang it there."
Sunwoo looked for your eyes but you avoided him, unable to explain. At which the boy approached the polaroid and urged you to pose.
Karina chose the same place where all the other clients had been, saying she would keep the theme, and invited you to place yourself next to her.
Karina was a little taller than you, maybe a few centimeters, but in your eyes there seemed to be a huge difference. You stood closer to her to form the heart and pretended a smile of convenience to allow Sunwoo to take this photo.
The proximity to the model sent a bizarre sensation creeping along your spine. Intrigued, you paused to take a closer look at her. In that moment, when no one else was watching, the radiant smile she had worn so confidently faded entirely from her face. Her eyes, once sparkling with warmth, now seemed overshadowed by a deep, unsettling darkness that only amplified her presence.
Without warning, the model turned her gaze toward you, her lips curving into a wide grin that revealed a perfect set of thirty-two gleaming teeth. A chill swept over you, wrapping around your body like an icy blanket, leaving you momentarily breathless and disoriented.
What the fuck?
"You did such a great job, girls. It's rare for Y/n!"
You woke up from the nightmare of falling and responded to Sunwoo with a raised middle finger.
"Oh, she's got quite an attitude. I need to leave," Karina said, finally letting go of you after holding you tightly. That girl was beginning to stir strange feelings in you.
"The photo turned out just fine. Let me sign it and put the date on it. Come on!"
Sunwoo timidly passed the Polaroid to the girl and watched her do everything she said.
With your arms folded you waited for her comfortable finish. Karina approached the corkboard and put your Polaroid on it. He smiled at her and turned, heading for the exit.
"Y/n!" Hearing your name pronounced by the model, you turned to her with an interrogative look.
"Tell me"
"See you!" and ran off into the limo, leaving behind a trail of expensive perfume and a cheap Polaroid.
That night passed faster than expected and Sunwoo told you - with attached photos - how this fantastic Karina was one of the most popular models in recent years. Besides being beautiful, she was about to debut in the cinema world. The moon was full and the cold was more bitter than usual. An uncomfortable feeling was in your chest, but you let it pass.
While you were going to work the next day, you took some pictures at the illuminated windows of that night. One of the projects you had since moving to that city was to create a collection of photos showing nightlife, although it was difficult to call it "life", of the traders, workers, or people just going out for fun.
But you didn’t have enough prestige and money.
When you arrived at work, you greeted Sunwoo coldly, who returned. You worked hard until three in the morning because, as you well know, on Saturday mornings there were waves of guys full of life coming back from bars where they had only drunk, or from discos in the area. You found it a good opportunity to take some pictures for your photo project.
In no time at all it was six o'clock. The sun was beginning to rise and the first rays of sunshine came through the large windows of the structure. You and Sunwoo were getting ready for the end of the shift, but the boy seemed particularly agitated so you told him to leave before you. You would have waited for the other girl to give her the keys and start the shift after. Sunwoo thanked you and ran away. You knew how much he cared about his passion.
The sound of the door creaking open cut through the stillness of the room, jolting you from your thoughts. You glanced at the clock on the wall, your brow furrowing as you noted it was already twenty minutes past the time your colleague was supposed to arrive. Just as you were about to call out, "You’re lat—" your words caught in your throat. Standing in the doorway was not your expected colleague, but the enigmatic man who had accompanied Karina the night before. He stood there, an air of mystery surrounding him, his presence both intriguing and unsettling as he caught your eye.
"How can I help you?" you asked, even though you were pressed for time and the only one in the room.
"I was looking for you. It was lucky that I found you right away," the other person replied.
You tightened your grip on the broom you had been pretending to sweep with just moments before.
"For what purpose?" you inquired.
The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a crisp white card, sliding it across the table to you. You glanced down to see a neatly printed address alongside the name: Vogue, Karina’s Photoshoot.
Confusion washed over you as you looked back up at him.
"What does this mean?" you asked.
He shifted uneasily, avoiding your gaze.
"Miss Karina has requested that you oversee her new photoshoot," he explained, his tone heavy with discomfort. "The previous photographer was let go… rather abruptly. I expect you to be at the studio in two days."
Your hands shook as you faced a big opportunity. You nodded slowly, your mouth half open, unsure what to say. The man smiled and walked away, leaving you stunned.
The broom fell from your hands and clattered to the floor. Your knees felt weak, and your mind went blank for a moment. You couldn’t think. You wondered how powerful Karina was and what she wanted from you.
The next day you showed up in the hall of the huge palace, waiting fearlessly for someone to come and call you. You had spent the night before reading and browsing photography books or looking at random palettes that could help you match any clothing you found on Karina.
A tall woman approached you slowly, her expression grim as she pointed to a location on the map she had just tossed at you. What a kindness…
You quickly walked toward the meeting place and, upon finding the door, opened it carefully. Inside, a crew of about twenty people turned their curious gazes toward you, along with Karina and her manager.
You slowly approached your collaborators and thanked them timidly for their attention. "We will do everything that needs to be done and we will accomplish it together. All we should do is unite everyone’s ideas and give life to some of the most beautiful photos ever made"
Karina, sitting in a velvet chair, put her hand in front of her and laughed candidly.
It didn’t take five hours to create everything that needed to be created. The ideas came from everyone like a river in full flow. Fill a room with artists who are also competitive people and you will get the exact personification of an erupting volcano. You were the Vesuvius and the fashion industry was your Pompeii. The next day you swore to finish the project so that you could go on with the production of the photos.
Karina, who should have been bored at least by having spent the day waiting for others to do their jobs, approached you with a remarkable delicacy and touched your shoulder.
"Can you come over there?" Karina pointed to a closet nearby; it was her dressing room.
"Uhm, sure" There was no reason to say no.
You looked over your shoulder before entering the dressing room with the girl with the brown hair. It was the first time you saw her in a suit and all you could think about was how well she wore anything.
It must be nice.
Karina invited you to sit in the two-seater chair with her. Hesitantly, you approached and sat face to face with the girl who flashed a smile revealing thirty-two teeth.
"I brought you here because—"
You interrupted her before she could finish.
"Let’s say you fired the photographer from Vogue so I could come here."
"An insignificant detail," she replied.
In Karina's eyes, you saw the same darkness you had observed a few days earlier. It made you hesitant to speak, fearing the words wouldn't come out right.
"You must help me," she said.
"Why should I?" you asked.
Karina rose from her chair and stood in the middle of the room, her expression unreadable as she continued to gaze at you.
"You must. And if you don’t, I’ll take the only real opportunity you’ve got in your miserable life off your hands."
"What’s the excuse?" the conversation seemed too much for you, so you immediately put yourself on defense.
"You are a beautiful girl, you are good at what you do. I like your photos, I am sincere"
"But?"
The frigid air enveloped the room, wrapping around you like an unwelcome shroud, making each breath feel laborious and strained. With every second that passed, a chilling sensation crept through your body, as if the very warmth within you was being siphoned away, leaving you increasingly vulnerable to the oppressive cold.
“You must photograph the emerging actress and model Yuna at a moment that could cause a scandal and ruin her career forever.”
“This is fucking crazy,” you jumped up and approached Karina, who didn’t move an inch “I’m leaving, I don’t intend to keep this job and do whatever bullshit you came up with. I knew you were crazy, I understood it immediately"
Karina rolled her eyes, grabbed your arm, and pushed you into the seat.
“You’re not going anywhere. I’m capable of destroying your present life and your future life. Be careful what you do. Listen to me and calm down”
Karina’s hands were extremely cold but your gaze was even more icy.
“Speak then, cheap model”
“It will all be anonymous. Become her friend and her photographer. You have one week. The clock runs out before the day you have to send the completed photoshoot to the Vogue editorial office”
“It’s called blackmail”
“It’s called seizing opportunities. You won’t get them again”
You looked away for a moment before getting up from your chair and moving back to the center of the room. You walked back and forth, occasionally glancing at Karina.
“They’ll kill me anyway when they realize it’s me”
“Don’t worry,” Karina stood up to get closer to you, “We’ll use an external computer and no one will ever know”
“A person will be involved, I don’t think I’m capable of it”
“She won’t die” Karina had an amused grin on her face.
You thought back to Sunwoo and how he loved what he did like no one else. However, the most selfish part of you had surfaced. You wanted to pursue a career in photography, and you were unconcerned about the people who would be affected by your ambition. You would have done anything to make your dream a reality.
“I’m in” You held out your hand to Karina, surprised by your sudden change of heart.
When Karina squeezed your hand you noticed it was as cold as yours. And that perhaps you were more similar than you could have imagined.
You never imagined that the next day you would find yourself taking pictures of the woman who had asked you to ruin the life of another model without remorse. You had discovered that all your collaborators considered Karina a sweet, kind, and always available girl, while in your eyes, every time you looked at her, you felt like you were looking at a monster.
Once the photoshoot was over and, therefore, the work you had to do for Vogue, you walked into the Karaoke where Karina had asked you to meet.
The room was insolently small - maybe the girl liked everything smaller - and the nauseating smell made you immediately understand what kind of dump it was.
“Don’t you like it here?” asked Karina, who was cross-legged and munching on some chips, which she offered you and you refused.
“It’s pretty disgusting”
“It’s okay. We won’t be here long”
Karina took her Gianni Chiarini bag and pulled out three photos. One was of Yuna, the other of a girl you couldn’t identify, and in the last photo, there was you.
“What does that mean?”
“Yuna is having an affair with this girl.” Karina touched the face print of the girl whose name you didn’t know with her painted nail and then continued.
“In case you didn’t understand, your photo is there because I wanted to let you know that I had you followed a week before I showed up at your place of work by a trusted friend of mine.”
“What?” you were visibly shocked.
“Don’t worry, honey. I will only use the information I have on you if you don’t cooperate.” A disturbing smile made you doubt her sincerity.
“Why are you so mad at this girl?”
“Because she can’t keep what’s hers.”
“What does that mean translated…?”
Karina huffed and put the photos back in her bag.
“We grew up in this industry together. We achieved success together. And then she cheated on me.”
You were stunned.
“All this just because he didn't hold your hand throughout the journey of your life? Are you crazy-”
“She cheated on me countless times. She told my parents that I’m a lesbian, they haven’t spoken to me since that day. And to top it all off, she stopped me from working for a year, taking away the most important collaboration of my life”
You almost felt sorry, but you didn’t say anything. Her eyes radiated something else. Maybe she too was human and was simply tired.
“Become her new fuck buddy. Treat her well and then you can be sure that you’ll end up finding her making out with someone else. Take as many pictures as you can and you’ll be free forever”
“I don’t- Who told you I like women?”
“My dear friend”
“God, fuck Karina”
“Um, maybe this collaboration will lead to something good?”
You looked up in shock and found a rather smiling Karina.
“Do you start talking about sex when you're done talking about revenge? You’re crazy.”
“I can’t help it if revenge turns me on like crazy.” Karina slowly ran her tongue over her upper lip, while you looked at her with wide eyes.
“Are you really… My god, you do this to everyone?”
“Everyone who? You’re probably the last woman in three years that I’ve found truly attractive!”
You rested your face on the fist you’d created with your right hand.
“Do you feel lonely?”
Karina looked at you intently and nodded, gently moving her head.
“Me too. That’s why I’ll help you. I see reflected in your eyes the same sadness that I feel."
That's what it was.
“Y/n”
“Tell me”
“Do a good job”
“I’ll try”
Karina finished all the chips that were left on the table, while you looked at her intently and prayed that the day you would meet Yuna would never come.
Unexpectedly, you received a call the next day: a very familiar voice invited you to participate in a graphic project that involved twenty different photographers who would take pictures of Yuna during a typical month of hers at the beach.
Fans are certainly crazy to buy this, but it's all for the career, right?
Your first encounter with Yuna was ordinary. Where normal means you were struck by how tall and beautiful she was, even though Karina had gotten you used to it well.
Yuna walked over to you and pulled you into a tight hug.
“Y/n, right? I saw some photos of your portfolio and I loved them. The way you capture what's around is extremely sincere. Thank you for accepting. I am eternally grateful”
Yuna was warm. You noticed it immediately. Her body temperature had nothing to do with Karina's. Yuna's smile, moreover, really showed a sincere kindness.
The photos you took were delicate, beautiful, and… real.
But you remembered what Karina had told you and quickly came to your senses.
You spent two days taking photographs for one of the most beloved women in the world - that's what the charts said - and on the last evening, Yuna and her manager dragged all twenty of you to a pub.
Yuna, clearly drunk, stood up on a chair and started screaming.
“Thank you! You were amazing! This project will come out amazing. Now let’s get our glasses up, we have to celebrate!”
As everyone downed a few glasses of beer, you noticed a familiar face looking sweetly at Yuna. It was her girlfriend. You asked the boy next to you to switch seats and, perhaps nodding his head, he permitted you.
"Hi, I'm Y/n"
"Ah, nice to meet you, I'm Haseul! Yuna showed me your photos. They're beautiful, congratulations"
How cute, I almost feel sorry for using her like that.
"I see you're looking at Yuna with sweet eyes… Is there something underneath?" the little laugh you let out right after should have helped break the tension, but it only made it grow even more. Haseul wiped the sweat on her pants and then spoke to you.
"I love her more than anyone else in the world"
Ah.
"It must be nice to love someone" You ran a hand uncomfortably behind your neck.
"It's nice to have someone by your side. We're almost always together. I only have her. After what Yuna went through last year, she's become even stronger"
A strong curiosity grew in you.
"What happened to her?"
"Her ex-girlfriend cheated on her, Yuna found out and told her parents to shoot her an arrow that would cause her the same pain"
"That's not possible"
"Plus Yuna lost a very important job with Saint Laurent. She spent sleepless nights because of Karin-" Haseul quickly covered her face with her hands.
"Karina. Are you sure it was her fault?"
"Ask anyone you want. She lied to everyone and messed up half the plans of people here just to go out and cheat on her girlfriend. Everyone hates her. She's just a pretty face in this industry"
Your head started to spin, maybe from drinking too much alcohol.
“I’m going to get some fresh air!”
“Shall I accompany you?”
“It doesn’t matter, thanks.”
Outside, on the side of an empty road, you threw up next to a dumpster.
Karina had been lying to you. She was evil, she was crazy, and a total dickhead. Everyone knew it but you. Because you had been a normal person until the week before. You had seen the surface, never what was underneath.
You understood that Karina would treat you like Yuna. You understood that the only solution would be to refuse, but your career was at stake.
Yuna came out and walked over to you.
“I’m sorry you found out. I know everything. Karina isn’t the only one who can spy on people without being accused.”
“Do you know everything?”
“From the stupid meeting at the fast food restaurant to the job opportunities she offered you. Her dear friend, aka her manager, is Shin Yuna here’s dearest friend.”
You looked into her eyes.
“I’ll have to… No, hurt you. I don’t want to.”
I wanted to, but now I don’t want to anymore.
“It doesn’t matter. Do it.”
“How could I?”
Haseul came closer to the two of you.
“You can’t hurt us. When you find someone in life who loves you, life has a whole different meaning.”
The cold suddenly hit you. And, strangely, you thought for a second that those two were crazy.
“Yuna would lose her job,” you continued
“But I will never lose the people I love. And anyway,” Yuna put her arm around Haseul’s waist, “I won’t be in this industry for long.”
Haseul looked you in the eyes and smiled.
“Don’t worry.”
As you made your way home, your eyes caught the massive posters of Karina that adorned the streets yet, beneath your admiration, a swirl of conflicting emotions surged inside you; you couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she was not only a bit unpredictable but also a master of deception. Despite all that, you felt an undeniable urge to kiss her.
The karaoke seemed more rotten than usual. Karina didn’t seem to belong there at all. The last day, the decisive one, had now arrived.
You sat down, like the last time, in front of the raven-haired girl.
“Hi, Y/n. I see you well. How are you?”
“Better than you can imagine”
“My ears only want to hear good news”
You took her usual bag of chips from her hands and started munching on them.
“What do you think of your modeling job?”
“I hate it” Karina, to your surprise, answered without even thinking for a second.
“Why?”
“There is no sincerity in what I do. But it is the only job that puts me in contact with hundreds of people a week. It makes me feel less alone”
You put the chips on the table and took out the incriminating photos.
“Yuna and Haneul, as you asked me and here I have,” you took out the USB stick, “the murder weapon!”
Karina looked at you with wide eyes.
“Did you… Do it?”
“Your charm won me over, unfortunately, I have to admit it” Even though You were ironic, Karina's cheeks turned pink.
Karina pulled out a computer without making eye contact with you. Then she ordered you to open it. In front of your eyes was a fairly famous site where you were supposed to upload incriminating photos of Yuna and Haseul.
“Y/n. I have to tell you something"
As you wrote the description of the photos you would publish immediately after, you signaled Karina to continue.
“Maybe it's because I haven't felt someone's affection for a long time, maybe it's because I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore without crying but…”
“After Karina, after”
“You said…”
“Let me talk”
Seeing Karina so vulnerable and with teary eyes made you feel guilty, but what you wanted to do you would have done without complaining. Karina, however, seemed ready to let go of everything, to take a decisive step.
“Karina, kiss me”
“Why should I do that? Are you crazy?”
“Last time you seemed intent on doing much more!” you raised your voice.
“If I kiss you it’s only because I want to show you how I feel!”
You both were incredibly close. The intensity of the conversation had drawn you from the karaoke sofas, and now you stood face to face, the air feeling thick between you.
Karina was the first to make a move. She reached behind your neck, gripped your hair tightly, and swallowed hard. You didn't want to initiate the kiss; you wanted her to take the lead. And that’s exactly what she did. Karina leaned in and pressed her lips against yours, but the kiss was tentative, almost shy.
She clearly wanted you to respond, but you held back. The kiss ended before it truly began.
“Why?” she asked, embarrassed.
You, in response, checked your phone and went back to finishing the article on the computer. You connected your phone to the computer and transferred the photos.
“What about the USB stick?”
“I’ll give it to you as soon as I’m finished”
Five minutes passed before you closed the computer. The die was cast. And so is your life and Karina's. There was no turning back, in any way.
“Y/n?”
“Done”
“Good…” Karina grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around herself. You did the same.
“Why did you lie to me?”
“What are you talking about, Y/n?
“Tell me the truth. Haseul and Yuna told me everything. I also spoke to other colleagues. All the same version. You’re a liar, Karina.”
Karina looked back at you with a blank stare.
“And what are you?”
“That’s not the point.”
Karina slammed her fist on the table.
“From everything they told you, did you only understand that I’m a liar?”
“How can I trust you, Karina?”
Karina hugged the blanket and started biting her nails.
"You know when I'm lying. You can feel it. You know when I’m not natural. I understood immediately when we met that there was a different connection between us."
“Do you say that to everyone?”
“You’re not funny, Y/n!” Karina screamed and threw the bag of chips in your direction, making a mess in the room.
“It’s not funny to make fun of people. You used me.”
“I didn’t!”
“So what did you do, Karina? How would you call what you did?”
“I tried to keep you as close as possible… I don’t have anyone. Yuna wanted to leave me and I had sex with someone else the next day! Our relationship was over.”
“People can’t love you if you pretend to be someone else.”
“Everyone abandoned me. They abandoned me when I pretended to be the sweet and kind Karina and when I was the real Karina!”
Karina seemed to have reached a point of no return, but you could do nothing but pity her. Now you just had to tell her your truth.
“Karina, listen to me. Yuna got what she got because she moved on and recognized that love can be found anywhere. Her career is worth a thousand times more than a career like yours that was built on pain. Just forget about this life. Start over again."
“The only one I have is my manager. I have no ambitions, I have no love. I just wanted someone to feel the way I do.”
“We all fight for something, Karina! I fight for photography and you’ve been fighting against yourself for too long!”
Karina seemed to be furious.
“You don’t understand. I’ve been alone all my life! The only one who’s close to me is my manag-”
“No, he’s Yuna’s informant. When he handed me the ticket for Vogue, I immediately understood that he was not on your side, Karina”
“Karina”
“I hate you. Will you stop throwing the truth in my face? I know, damn, I know I’m alone. I've never gotten along well with anyone. But with you, I had a good time. Time never seemed to end. You’ll abandon me too. You all do the same when I show you how I am”
You turned the computer towards her.
“Karina, I posted the photos. Look at them. First, breathe and then rationalize”
Karina did as you said, too vulnerable to go against you.
When she saw the article with the photo of you she couldn’t say a word. She just asked you, in a weak voice, why you did it.
“We can start over, Karina. They already had everything. In their eyes, I saw what was missing in ours. Rise from the ashes Karina or die forever, it would make more sense than continuing to pretend to live in someone else’s body”
You got up from the room, knowing that the news with the photo of you and Karina kissing would do more harm to her than to you. You shut the door behind you. You turned around. Outside you waited for Karina, hoping she would come out so you could comfort her. But that didn’t happen.
The news caused a scandal. The billboards with Karina disappeared, her role as the lead actress in that new movie was deleted and for more than a month, all anyone talked about was that photo. No one recognized your face; next to Karina, you looked quite bad.
Yuna called you and guaranteed that your name and work would remain in the photo book. The Vogue photos were never published. You stuck them up, with Sunwoo’s help, in the fast food restaurant.
Sometimes someone stopped to observe them and Sunwoo took care of answering their questions. Very naturally, he said that Karina loved coming to this fast food restaurant - before it disappeared - and that you were her favorite.
Six months had gone by, yet the ache in your chest refused to fade, a constant reminder of the unresolved feelings haunting you. Each night, you lay alone in bed, tears soaking your pillow, knowing that no one would come to comfort you—and that no one would offer her the same kindness. In those haunting hours, you grappled with memories and regrets, feeling the weight of your sorrow pressing down on you like a heavy shroud.
“What a beautiful day! Life has never been so beautiful!”
“Sunwoo, it’s just your first role in a stupid TV series”
“A stupid TV series that you’ll watch!”
You and Sunwoo had become great workmates again. This time, you were the one who requested more hours, and Sunwoo, despite having found a second job, had decided to work alongside you in each of them.
Sometimes you look at the street illuminated by the street lamps. You hadn't been able to move on. After Yuna’s photobook came out, your name appeared on many other projects. You had started working with many more idols. But there was no one like her.
“Still thinking about it?”
“My mind is occupied with her, Sunwoo”
“You couldn’t contact her?”
“No one has her number and no one has been close to her. At least I know she’s not dead”
“Yeah…”
It was four in the morning on a random Thursday when a black car pulled up on the road and parked in front of the fast food restaurant.
Sunwoo let out a scream and hid behind the counter.
“Is that the police? What have you done, Y/n?”
“Stop it, you idiot, and get the emergency number ready. You never know”
But a woman with blonde hair, no makeup, and wearing a sweatshirt that looked very expensive, stepped out of the car. At first, you and Sunwoo couldn’t figure out who she was, you could only guess that she was extremely attractive from the way she walked.
When the first light from the fast food restaurant hit her face, Karina revealed herself to you with a shy smile.
“Sunwoo…” she waved at the boy.
“And well… Y/n… How are you doing?”
Sunwoo let out another scream. This time you did the same. Then you started to cry, unable to control your emotions. Karina threw herself at you and hugged you with teary eyes.
After you both calmed down, Sunwoo fried you two large portions of fries and left the place for a moment, pretending to have received a call.
“Y/n. I look at you…”
“Terribly, terribly”
“Yes, well. You’ve lost weight”
You squeezed her hands tightly. Warm tears fell onto Karina's white hands.
“Sorry”
“Stop it, it’s okay. Look at me” Karina took your face in her hands and forced you to look at her. Then she continued to speak.
“It had to be this way. I was reborn from the ashes, okay? But I want you to do the same. Let’s help each other. We’ve been alone for too long and…”
Karina stopped to look at the road, her eyes shining.
“I missed you. The real you is so annoying, sexy, and cute at the same time. I'm happy to hear you're well."
Karina then looked back at you and looked at the palms of your hands.
“Come with me. I'm full of money. Let's run away from here, let's go where no one knows us"
"Karina"
"It doesn't matter if you tell me now. You destroyed my previous life though! I expect you to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together"
She made you laugh and you thanked fate for having met her. You gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek. Karina looked at you with a raised eyebrow.
“Are you just kissing me back?”
“Karina, there’s a time for everything”
“You know, Y/n, I have a few things I need to tell you about myself. Did you know that I especially love dark chocolate and hate milk chocolate?”
“Karina,” you stood up from the stool and locked your eyes with his.
"Tell me, Y/n"
“We have all the time to learn to love each other”
“And we have all the time to learn to live”
Sunwoo burst into the fast food restaurant, his eyes glistening with tears of joy. He couldn’t contain his excitement as he shared the incredible news: he had secured a role in a film directed by a renowned filmmaker. The moment was electric, filled with laughter and heartfelt congratulations as you both celebrated his achievement.
Before leaving this familiar place, you and Karina decided to capture the memory with a photo at the very spot where your journey had begun. As the camera clicked, you were acutely aware that this moment marked a turning point. You stood there, smiling and cherishing the memory, knowing deep down that you were ready to embrace the future and leave the past behind, resolutely moving forward without looking back.
synopsis: you and aeri were inseparable while you were growing up. Is that connection still there?
word count: 15k (jeeez) (it could've been 3 parts but I love you all so much so here you are)
cw: angst, cussing, drinking, f reader, childhood best friends to...(?) idk if there's any i missed please lmk!
notes! So sorry if its a confusing read with the timelines and such. the italic paragraphs are flashbacks/memories! for clarification Aeri and reader are ages 12, 22, and then 30 in this. It's inspired by the movie Past Lives (one of my fav movies, I recommend it!) barely proofread again, I also tried to add extra space in between different scenes, I hope it flows okay!
This is my first angsty fic ever but I had a lot of fun writing it! I really hope you enjoy it and if you'd like to, lmk your thoughts!!
as always dms and asks are always open!
xoxo love youuu (: <3
20 years ago in Southern California, SM Elementary School
Ever since you can remember, Aeri Uchinaga has been a constant presence in your life. You first met in preschool, where she quickly took a liking to you for reasons you couldn't quite understand. As a ‘slow-to-warm-up’ child, you were perfectly fine with doing quiet activities on your own while your classmates ran around, chatting amongst themselves. But Aeri must have seen you as a challenge or a game, maybe? She was determined to crack the ice and see what lay beneath your quiet exterior. She would always join you at the drawing table and start rambling about a variety of things that crossed her mind or even go as far as sharing her stuffed animals with you when she saw you playing ‘family’ alone with your own.
And before you knew it, she had you hooked. Aeri was more outspoken than you at the time, and she often took the reins in your friendship, but you were (more than) happy to follow her lead. You quickly learned that she had a habit of charging in head first, and it became your unspoken mission to keep her from getting into too much trouble.
You promised yourself that you'd always be there supporting her from behind.
You dribbled the soccer ball skillfully toward the goal, weaving through defenders with ease. Just as you were about to score, a loud yelp from the basketball court made you stop dead in your tracks. Your hesitation cost you as a player from the opposing team slid in, tackling you. Pain shot through your leg as your planted foot twisted in a way that it should NOT twist.
You got up from the ground and ignored the pain as you waved to a classmate on the sideline to take your place on the field. You limped as quickly as you could toward the court from the field, fighting back tears. The adrenaline kept you moving.
Eventually you made it to the basketball court where Aeri was.
“Are you okay?” you asked as you reached a hurt Aeri, who was hissing slightly at the sight of her skinned knee. Almost every ounce of pain washed away when you saw her.
She looked up, surprised, as your shadow blocked the sun. To her, you probably looked like an angel.
“Y/n,” she sniffled, “Where did you come from?”
“I was just playing soccer,” you replied, kneeling in front of her and offering your back. “Here, hop on. Let’s get you to the nurse.”
“Mm~ okay,” Aeri shyly mumbled as she climbed onto your back, resting her chin in the crook of your neck as you hobbled toward the infirmary.
“How did you know I was hurt?” she inquired softly.
“I dunno, my Aeri instincts must've kicked in... But you do have a pretty distinctive scream that I could hear all the way from the soccer field” You chuckled
“Ah~! What!? That’s so embarrassing!” She buried her face into your neck. “Why did you come over? You said you were playing soccer?”
“Well yeah I was, but remember when we were five and had our first sleepover?” you asked, chuckling. “Ya know, the one where you couldn’t stop crying because you missed your parents, especially your mom.”
“Hey! Why bring that up now?” she groaned, playfully hitting your back with her fists. “It wasn’t my choice! My parents were busy with work, okay!”
“Nono~ we made a pinky promise, remember? I told you, ‘I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.’ And I vaguely remember claiming I’d be your prince or somethin' like that.. I’m just keeping my word.” You smiled at the memory.
“That was like seven years ago…I can't believe you even remember that” she sighed contentedly. “Well, thank you, my prince.” she let out a teasing chuckle
“Of course, Lady Aeri,” you replied in a playful, formal tone, adjusting her higher on your back with a little hop.
There was a small break of silence before Aeri took notice of the cadence of your steps.
“...Wait, are you limping?” Her tone suddenly turned serious, like a mother about to scold her child.
“Uh…” You hesitated, “No…?” you chuckled nervously hoping she'd drop the topic (she didn't).
She peeked over your shoulder and saw your left ankle, red and beginning to swell.
“Ah~! What happened!? Let me down, I can walk! You idiot!” she exclaimed, trying to wriggle off your back.
“No way! We’re almost there anyways, and all this wiggling isn’t helping the pain either!” you bickered with the girl on your back before finally reaching the school entrance.
After school, your mom tended to your hurt ankle. It wasn’t anything serious, just a mild sprain. You worked silently on your assignment before she spoke up.
“Y/n, honey~” your mom cooed before sitting down next to you at the kitchen table while you were doing homework. “What do you think about Aeri? Do you like her?”
“Hmm,” You hummed while placing your pencil down as memories of her flooded your mind.
One specific memory came to the forefront of your mind,
You and Aeri were laying in the lush grass together with your heads touching and holding hands.
“Aeri, look!” You pointed to the sky “I see a shark.. Or maybe a really big tuna?” a playful giggle escaped your lips
“Mhm~!” she agreed, “Look over there! Doesn’t that look like Haku from Spirited Away?” Aeri’s eyes widened in excitement as her favorite character appeared in the sky, her finger excitedly pointing
“Yeah! I think it does!” You stole a glance of her.
Her eyes were glued to the blue sky adorned with fluffy white clouds that looked like they felt like cotton candy. The sun reflected against her dark brown hair and made it look like a beautiful dark ocean rippling in the wind
It was a cool summer day. A gentle breeze wafted her scent of strawberry shampoo and a light rose scent from her deodorant. The sky stretched over both of you like a blue canvas with puffy cotton balls. The warmth of the sunshine wrapped the two of you into an embrace only you both could feel.
You stared at her with so much… happiness? While she pointed out various shapes, her face lit up more and more each time she spotted one
“What is this feeling?” You thought “It feels like i’m going down a steep slope of a rollercoaster when I’m around her”
“Hm~ Y/n? Is there something on my face? Did you hear me?” She briefly stopped her tangent when she felt a soft gaze.
“Oh~! No sorry,” You giggled
“I- just” you began barely above a whisper
“Wow, look!” Aeri unknowingly cut you off “Those ones look like two hearts about to mash together” she exclaimed giddily
Your gaze went back to the clouds and you paused for a few seconds causing Aeri to look at you
“Were you gonna say something?” She mumbled and you met her eyes
“I’m just.. Really happy right now!” you said, unable to verbalize the feelings you were having.
“I like her” you replied to your mom
“Ohh~”She nodded in response before genuinely inquiring “Why?”
“Well… She said I’m like her prince” she responded to her mother so nonchalantly and innocently
“Her prince?”
“Mhm, I think i’ll marry her one day” You smiled before picking up your pencil again-- completely unphased.
“Mm~ I see, I see. Well Y/n, does she want to marry you, too?”
“I don't know if she likes me too, but if she does I know she'll say when we’re ready!” She smiled brightly at her mom
“Ah okay~ When did you grow up my sweet daughter?” Your mom lightly pinched your cheek which caused you to giggle. “Well, I was on the phone with her mom earlier... Do you want to go on a date with her?"
Of course you excitedly nodded your head in agreement
You and Aeri stepped into the park, nature wrapped around you two like a comforting hug. The trees swayed gently in the breeze, their leaves left a playful pattern of light and shadows on the ground below. While birds chirped happily overhead, their songs blending with the soft rustle of leaves, creating a soothing melody that seemed to dance through the air. Both of your mom’s made their way to a nearby spot to watch you both
“Aeri! Let’s go” You said as you grabbed her free hand
“Oh~ Ma, can you hold these?” Aeri swiftly passed the small bouquet of flowers you had bought her to her mother before being whisked away by your eager pull
“Oh!” was all Mrs.Uchinaga could get out before the two of you ran off exploring the park. She couldn’t contain her laughter and began to take a digital camera out of her purse.
“They look good together, so happy huh?” Your mom glanced at Mrs.Uchinaga as she was snapping a picture of the two of you running hand in hand in the luscious green field.
“Yeah~ Aeri talks about Y/n a lot. She says she wants to marry her one day” Her mom let out an astonished laugh “When did our girls grow up?
“That’s exactly what Y/n said! “ She laughed, “We can’t be too surprised right?
"Ah~ I guess not." Aeri's mom began, "Remember that time we kept Y/n overnight once and Aeri was crying uncontrollably and then suddenly stopped? My god, it was so scary! I thought something had happened to her but when I checked the baby monitor, Y/n snuck out of her own crib and into Aeri’s! And then they fell asleep like that!” She laughed with a tinge of nostalgic sadness
“Ahh~ They were about two and a half years old huh? Oh~! Remember that time I told you when I put them in charge of her brother while I was making them lunch and when I walked back into the living room and found all of them asleep on the couch with Kosei in between them! It was so cute~!” Your mom smiled brightly “I have the photo somewhere still!”
Both you parents sighed contentedly, reminiscing on you two. After a bit of comfortable silence, you mom spoke up
“My Y/n cares about Aeri a lot. I can see she does too, it puts my heart at ease to know my daughter has someone who cares so deeply about her.” Your mom’s eyes began to get a bit watery
Mrs. Uchinaga placed her hand reassuringly over hers, a warm smile gracing her lips. "She's a smart girl—you shouldn’t worry too much. I'm forever grateful she's been in my Aeri's life. Look at them," she pointed affectionately at the two of you, nestled under the low-hanging branches of the weeping willow tree.
"Aeri! This is where we can take our shoes off," you exclaimed, gently parting the "curtain" of leaves as if entering a secret world.
Your imagination ran wild, the simple weeping willow tree transformed into a spacious apartment in a bustling city.
"And here is where our dining room is," Aeri chimed in, moving to the large stones and pretending they were seats. "Here, sit. Let me get you a coffee, honey," she playfully immersed herself in the game of house.
Aeri returned with a hollowed out rock with a stick in it, “Here’s your coffee!”
You pretend slurped through the stick straw, “This is soo~ delicious” and you fake slurped more causing both of you to giggle
“Hey, Aeri” you placed the rock coffee cup down and Aeri joined you at the “dining table”
“Where do you wanna live when you grow up?” you met her gaze
“Mmm, definitely a city. I want my fashion business to be very popular!” She flashed a cheerful thumbs up “What about you?”
“Mm..” You looked down, shyly contemplating
“Are you getting shy?!” She gently nudged your shoulder teasing you
“Nono~!” You waved your hands in defense while a smile appeared on your face “Hm.. I guess wherever you go?”
While you and Aeri played house, imagining your future together, your parents sat nearby on the park bench in comfortable silence, smiling as they watched the two of you. A gentle breeze drifted through, rustling the leaves and carrying the scent of blooming flowers through the air, adding to the peaceful moment.
“We’re moving soon,” Aeri’s mom finally said, breaking the quiet. Which explained why she asked to date them on a 'date'
Your mom didn’t respond right away, her gaze still on you and Aeri. After a few more beats, she spoke, doing her best to mask her emotions. “Oh… where?”
“South Korea,” Aeri’s mom replied softly.
Your mom paused, her voice steady but tinged with sadness. “Why leave everything behind?”
“There are better opportunities ahead than the ones we’ll leave behind,” Aeri’s mom answered with a quiet sigh, as if trying to convince herself as much as anyone else.
Later, on the car ride home, you and Aeri had both fallen asleep in the backseat, your hands still clasped together, oblivious to the change that was coming. Your mom glanced back at the two of you and with a bittersweet smile, she snapped a quick photo.
Neither of you knew how much your lives would change in the next few weeks.
You sat at your desk, your gaze unfocused as you stared blankly ahead, lost in a haze of thoughts that swirled around you like fog. Aeri’s voice cut through the noise, her laughter ringing out as she animatedly chatted with her friends nearby. Her vibrant energy filled the room, lighting up the space, yet somehow, it made the gap between you two feel even wider. You were in the same room, but it felt like you were worlds apart—both of you in your own little world.
"You're leaving?" one of her friends exclaimed, disbelief in her voice.
"Yeah!" Aeri replied, her excitement unmistakable.
"Never coming back?" another girl pressed, curiosity laced her voice.
"I don’t think so!" Aeri laughed, her tone light, almost carefree.
"What?! Why not!?" the girl pushed further, as if she couldn’t fathom the idea.
"Well.. I could never become a fashion designer here!" Aeri giggled, like her answer was obvious… like she wasn’t about to leave behind everything you had known together.
After school, you found yourself walking past Aeri as she waved her friends goodbye. Her cheerful farewell echoed behind you as you caught a glimpse of her. Her smile was as bright as ever, but for the first time, it felt distant—like it no longer belonged to you.
"Oh, bye!" she called out to her friends, her voice cheerful before turning her attention to you.
"Wait up!" she hurried to catch up with your steps.
You slowed down slightly, but something in you hesitated.
"Oh, sorry," you murmured.
She quickly caught up and the two of you began the familiar walk home, the silence between you felt heavier than ever. Aeri seemed comfortable, at ease with the quiet, but for you, the weight in your chest grew with every step. Even though she was right beside you, it felt like she was already slipping away—like an invisible wall was growing between you, expanding with each moment.
It was disorienting, jarring even, to think that after today, she wouldn’t be walking next to you every day like she had since kindergarten. Each footstep echoed what was coming, and despite the comfort of routine, the reality of her departure pressed down on you, suffocating the words you wanted to say but couldn’t find.
The world around continued its hustle and bustle, completely indifferent to the storm brewing in your heart. Cars rushed by, bikes whizzed past, and people hurried along the sidewalk, insensitive to the internal chaos you were grappling with.
Every emotion flooded through you, leaving you drowning in a mix of sadness and anger. Each step felt trudging through quicksand as if your feet had been stuck in concrete. Your body was subconsciously pulling you away from your house to prolong your inevitable separation– like a dog who doesn’t want their walk to be over yet.
As you reached the fork in the road that diverged toward your respective houses, a heavy cloud hung above your head, thick with everything you wanted to say.
"Bye, n/n," Aeri's voice carried a tinge of melancholy as she began to walk away, her figure receding into the distance.
You paused, unable to tear your gaze away from her retreating form.
Every memory you’ve shared with her played in your head like a movie montage.
“C’mon Aeri, don’t be scared! I’m right here with you!” You aggressively whispered while carrying a bag of snacks and a blanket, trying to convince Aeri onto the roof of your house
“What if we get in trouble? What if we get locked out and we’re stuck here forever!” Aeri said to you from inside through the opened window
“My parents know I do this, it’s a flat surface so you have to be a real dummy to slip off! And don’t worry, it only locks from the inside and if you’re scared you can just hold onto me!” You reached out your hand to Aeri
She couldn't help but smile, your own reassuring grin reflecting back at her. She warmly accepted your hand, her breath hitched when your hands made contact.
“O-oh thanks, let’s place the blanket down!” Aeri was glad it was dark because she was sure her face was the same shade as a tomato!
"Not too shabby, huh?" You chuckled lightly, settling onto the soft surface and patting the spot beside you, inviting her to join you.
It was a warm summer night. A gentle breeze wafted your scent of shampoo and a cologne-y scent from your deodorant. The sky stretched over both of you like a dark blue canvas with twinkling stars. The warmth of the evening wrapped the two of you into an embrace only you both could feel.
You felt her staring at you while you pointed out various constellations, your face lit up more and more each time you spotted one
“Hm, Aeri? Did you hear me?” You briefly stopped your tangent when you felt a soft gaze on you
“Oh~! No sorry,” Aeri giggled “What did you say?”
You scooted closer so your head was touching hers, “See those stars over there? It’s kinda like a weird looking 7?” You extended your arm while pointing, trying your best to point out three out of the millions of stars in the sky
“Hm.. oh! Yes!”
“That’s me! And your birthday is October 30 making you a Scorpio! and hmm” You began to move your pointer finger to search in the sky
“Ah! There! You see that pattern that kind of looks like a snake with claws?”
“Yeah~ I actually do!” Aeri giggled as her imagination took over
“Well, Aeri if you ever feel sad or something and I’m not with you for some reason ” You chuckled sweetly. “I just want you to know that we’re always together in the sky!” You both turned to meet each other’s gaze at the same time
“Well I don’t think we’ll ever get separated, I want to be with you forever!” She innocently beamed which caused you both to giggle
“Me too Aeri!”
After a few hesitant moments, you found your voice, though it felt as if your heart might stop with the effort.
“Aeri,” you called out softly, the word heavy with all the feelings you had kept buried for so long.
“Mm?” She turned to face you, her expression softening when her eyes met yours, and the cheerful energy from earlier was nowhere to be found.
“I.. I like you,” you said, your voice trembling slightly, but you held her gaze, resisting the urge to look away. You felt as though you might crumble, but you forced yourself to keep going. “I’m glad we spent our childhood.. together.”
Her smile faltered, shifting into something sadder, something that you couldn't understand. She didn’t respond immediately, as if the words you’d just said had stolen her breath, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. She was at a loss for words and the silence stretched endlessly between you.
You bit the inside of your cheek, trying desperately to maintain your composure. “Bye… Aeri,” you added softly, your voice cracking ever so slightly as you turned away towards your house, trying to put on a brave face.
You couldn’t bear to see the sadness in her eyes any longer. Tears threatened to spill, but you fought them back, willing yourself to hold on just a little longer.
“Bye..” she faintly whispered out
The moment you started walking toward your house, your chest tightened. Tears streamed down your face as the weight of the world as you knew it came crashing down.
What you'll never know and what you couldn’t see, was that Aeri began crying too.
About 10 years later, you sat at your desk in your cozy apartment room at UCLA, the late afternoon sun casting soft rays across the scattered textbooks and notes. With a sigh, you pushed some papers aside to rest your elbow on the desk, propping your chin on your hand.
“How the actual fuck do I even solve this?” you muttered to yourself, staring at the confusing statistics problem on your laptop. After a moment of frustration, you searched for a tutorial on YouTube, hoping for a miracle.
As you scrolled through the list of videos, you could hear your roommate Yunjin bustling around in the kitchen.
“Jennie-poo~!” you called out, leaning back in your chair. “Can you come here?”
A few seconds later, you heard your door creak open. "Huh?" came Yunjin's voice, her (dyed) red hair poking around the doorframe as she stepped inside.
“Do you have any idea how to solve this?” you asked, switching your browser back to the page filled with complex formulas. You pointed at the screen. “I seriously have no clue what they’re even fucking asking”
Yunjin leaned down, squinting at the problem for a moment before laughing. “Yeah, I’m gonna be honest with you—zero clue. You’re so fucked,” she said, still giggling.
Yunjin, aka Jennifer, was from upstate New York, and the two of you had been roommates for four years. It felt like fate sometimes—being assigned to live together your freshman year was totally random, but she was practically you in a different form.
“You’re absolutely no help,” you groaned, laughing a little despite yourself as you buried your face in your hands.
“You’re so welcome,” she said, patting your head playfully. “I’m gonna make some jjajangmyeon, do you want any?”
“Not right now. Maybe save some for me later? I gotta finish this shit” you replied, sitting back up and stretching.
“Yeah, of course. Good luck!” Yunjin said with a wink as she left your room.
You sighed deeply as you turned back to your YouTube tab, clicking on a video tutorial. As fucking expected, an ad began to play—one of those painfully long ones you couldn’t skip.
“Do you want to be a model? Do you think you have what it takes?”
The words faded into the background as your mind started to wander, pulled back by an unexpected memory.
Aeri.
It had been so long since you’d allowed yourself to think about her. Years, even. But something about the mention of fashion, pulled you back into the past. The past where she lived, where her dreams had once shone so brightly.
Aeri had always talked about becoming a fashion designer—about where she'd live and make a name for herself. You could still picture her so clearly, sitting beside you, messily sketching her ideas in her notebooks. Dresses, bags, runway looks… She used to tell you all about it, her eyes lighting up with excitement.
“I could never become a designer here,” she’d said once, laughing. She was always so sure of her path. Always ready to go after her dreams, no matter the cost.
She may have been right
Suddenly, the thought of her became overwhelming. You couldn’t help but wonder what had become of that dream. Did she make it? Was she in South Korea, living the life she’d always wanted? Or had things turned out differently?
Your fingers hovered over the keyboard as your mind drifted back to the memory of her laughter and the way she’d talked about her plans with ABSOLUTE certainty.
Without thinking, you opened a new tab. You hesitated for a moment, a tightness in your chest returning.
A memory flashed into your mind to when you were having a sleepover with her
“Y/n…” Aeri’s voice came softly from the left side of your bed, sadness creeping into her usual playful tone.
“Mm? What’s wrong?” you asked, glancing over at her.
“I wish you wanted to be a model,” she pouted. “Then you could try on the clothes I design.”
You laughed softly. “I mean, I still could... Why are you thinking about that now?”
“Well, obviously I want to be a designer! SO of course I want you to be the first person to wear the clothes I make,” she beamed, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
The video kept playing and the math tutorial began playing.
Why the hell am I thinking about that now? It’s been like 10 years?
Aeri Uchinaga…
You leaned back in your chair and positioned your head towards the ceiling
What are you up to…
With a sigh, you slingshotted forward and opened Facebook and began to search.
After an hour of searching, you finally found a lead—her father’s company page. It was a bit tedious to find her or her family, considering they lived in a completely different country.
“Hi, I’m looking for my childhood best friend, Aeri Uchinaga . Please let me know how I can contact her.”
And with that, you posted the message and, for the first time in hours, tried to return to your homework.
A few weeks later, on the complete opposite side of the world at 5:30 PM in Seoul...
Aeri sat in her dorm, the warm afternoon sunlight streaming through the window as she lounged on her bed, phone pressed to her ear, laptop resting in her lap.
“Ne~ umma, remember Xinyi? She plays basketball in college now!” Aeri said with a smile, scrolling through Facebook while chatting with her mother.
“Wow~! I’m not surprised,” Mrs. Uchinaga replied with a chuckle on the other end. “She was always knocking on our door, asking you to play.”
Aeri laughed lightly. “Yeah, even though I was pretty bad. She tried so hard to teach me, but I was just ass”
“It’s okay, darling. Sports weren’t really your thing,” her mother comforted warmly.
Aeri absentmindedly scrolled through her feed, clicking on old profiles and updates from people she hadn’t thought about in years.
“Who else should we look up?” She asked her mom.
Aeri paused, a small smile creeping onto her lips. “Who’s the one I had a huge crush on?”
“Y/n L/n” they both said at the same time, sharing a laugh.
Aeri’s fingers hovered over the keyboard, and she began typing your name, curiosity piqued as she searched for her old crush. As she clicked through posts, she suddenly froze.
“Umma! This is crazy!” Aeri exclaimed, her voice full of shock. “She posted on dad’s Facebook page a few weeks ago looking for me!”
“Oh wow really? Well~ I’m not too surprised, Aeri. She really liked you!” her mom replied, her voice filled with warmth.
“I’m looking for my childhood best friend, Aeri Uchinaga ...” Aeri read aloud to her mom as her eyes scanned the message.
Aeri’s heart raced as she scrolled through your profile. Even though your hair was longer and your features were more defined, the essence of you—the same joyful glint in your eyes—hadn’t changed at all. It was as if time hadn’t erased any part of the person she remembered so vividly.
“Umma, I’ll call you back,” Aeri said quickly, cutting her mom off as she reassured her with a chuckle, “Yes! I promise I’m eating well!”
She ended the call with a smile, but her pulse quickened as she stared at the screen. Her eyes scanned the message again and again, as if reading your name over and over would somehow make this more real.
“Ahh~” Aeri inhaled deeply, her fingers trembling slightly as she sent you a friend request and began typing a message to you.
“Y/n! It’s Aeri, you remember me?”
It was 1:30 AM in your on-campus apartment in LA when your phone buzzed, receiving the new message.
“Fuck her! She doesn’t deserve you! You’re like… sooo out of her league,” Yuna mumbled to your other friend, Ryujin, as she poured another shot for her.
“Right?” Ryujin sighed before pausing to take the shot. “I just don’t know why I miss her… so much,” she grimaced as the alcohol hit the back of her throat.
“Ryu, you should have some water,” you slurred, hiccuping as you passed her your water bottle.
“Y/nn~ how about you drink some water,” your roommate Yunjin chimed in, giggling as she slumped over on the couch.
The four of you sat in the living room, post-gaming the bar, waiting for your DoorDash to arrive. Ryujin rested her head in your lap, and without thinking, you rubbed her back to comfort her.
You took a long gulp of water with a satisfied “Ah~” before reaching for your beer.
“Wellll~ Beer is basically water. You should have some too Jennie-poo! It isn’t a post-game if we don’t drink till we die,” you exclaimed, taking a sip from the can.
“UGH~” Ryujin groaned, deadpanning, “I want to die~”
“Girl, she literally cheated on you and then wanted to be exclusive while she was fucking someone else—like, what?” Yuna added, deadpan.
That comment made all of you burst out laughing(she was right), even as Ryujin lightly punched Yuna in the arm.
“Hey~! Be niceeee~ Show some compassion!” Yunjin scolded, trying and failing to stifle her laughter.
You were still chuckling when your phone buzzed again in your pocket. Grabbing it, you blinked a couple of times, trying to focus your eyes on the notification.
Giselle?
Your vision was still a little too blurry to make sense of it.
"Hey!" Yunjin faked being cold
“You have a secret girlfriend or somethin'?” Yunjin teased, sounding just like a jealous girlfriend.
“Huh?” you responded, still distracted.
“Who’s messaging you at 1:30 in the morning? You have a sneaky link you’re not telling us about?” Yunjin continued, laughing.
Meanwhile, Ryujin was still moping in your lap. “Hey! Sensitive subject!” she groaned dramatically.
“Fuck if I know, I honestly have zero clue,” you mumbled, your words slurring as you stared at your phone before turning it off.
The next morning, you woke up in your bed with a slight headache. You groaned, rolling over to reach for your water bottle and chugged it like it was the last water on Earth.
The cold water worked its magic, refreshing you enough to (barely) function. You grabbed your phone from the charger and started scrolling through your notifications, still half-asleep. But then, one notification made you freeze—last night’s Facebook message.
You clicked on it, your grogginess instantly fading as your eyes widened in surprise. It was from none other than the girl who made you experience your first instance of love—Aeri Uchinaga.
“Giselle Uchinaga?” you muttered to yourself, reading her profile in disbelief.
That’s why you couldn’t find her! It made complete sense now. Her features were more mature, but that familiar smile—the one that had always warmed your heart—was still there, lighting up her face in every picture. You couldn’t stop smiling as you scrolled through her photos.
Just then, Yunjin’s voice broke through your thoughts, pulling you back to reality.
“Y/n! Are you awake? I made avocado toast and eggs!” she announced from the other side of your door.
“Ahh~ okay, yeah, lemme pee and I’ll be out!” you called back, your voice still raspy from sleep.
You quickly splashed some water on your face and pulled on a pair of sweats and a hoodie before stepping out of your room.
“Good morning!” you chirped, only to be met with a synchronized groan from Yuna and Ryujin.
“How the fuck do you have this much energy? What puts you in such a good mood?” Yuna asked, holding an ice pack on her forehead.
“Hm?” you replied, walking over to your coffee cup on the table that Yunjin had filled for you. “Thank Jennie-poo! And nothing, I just don’t have a massive hangover like you two idiots—should’ve drank beer instead of taking shots”
As you sipped your coffee, your mind of course, drifted back to last night. That damn text from Aeri.
The two of you exchanged a few quick messages, exchanging numbers, and catching up briefly before settling on a time that worked best for both of you to video call. It felt surreal, reading Aeri’s replies after all these years—like time had somehow folded in on itself, bringing the past back into the present.
You found yourself staring at your phone, the FaceTime app open and ready, but your heart pounding in your chest. What if things had changed too much? What if she wasn’t the Aeri you remembered? What if you weren’t the person she expected? Your thoughts spiraled as you adjusted your hair for what felt like the tenth time.
It’s just a call, you reminded yourself. It’s just Aeri. You’ve known her before.
But even though you’d told yourself that a hundred times, the butterflies in your stomach wouldn’t settle. The phone buzzed in your hand as the screen lit up. Incoming FaceTime: Aeri Uchinaga.
You took a deep breath, your thumb hovering over the screen for a moment longer than it should have. Then, finally, you swiped to answer.
Aeri’s face appeared, pixelated for just a second before the connection stabilized. There she was. Her familiar eyes, her smile—the same, but different? You stared at each other for a beat, neither of you quite sure how to start.
Aeri broke the silence with a nervous laugh. “Wow.. it’s been so long. I almost forgot what you looked like!”
You smiled, feeling the same rush of emotions you hadn’t felt in years. “I know right? I wasn’t sure what to expect either. You look… different. In a good way, of course.” nervousness still present in your voice
“Same to you,” Aeri said, her voice softening as she studied your face. “It’s like, you’ve changed, but... not really, you know?”
You laughed, the tension beginning to ease. “Except now you’re Giselle, huh?”
Aeri grinned, rolling her eyes playfully. “Yeah, that’s a long story. But trust me, it’s still me. Aeri Uchinaga at heart.”
You both chuckled, the ice slowly breaking as the conversation started to feel more familiar. It was strange, seeing her face again like this after so many years—older, more mature, but still with that same smile.
“Soo.. You’re really out there becoming a designer, huh?” you teased, shaking your head with an incredulous smile. “It’s kind of wild thinking about you... you know, living in Korea and actually doing all the things you told me you would like years ago”
Aeri laughed, her tone warm but modest. “Don’t let social media fool you. I’m not as glamorous as it seems. I’m still the same girl who couldn’t shoot a basketball to save her life.”
You grinned, shaking your head. “Oh god yeah! I remember! You were sooo bad. I thought for sure you were going to quit after that first fall.”
“Whatever! I literally was just trying to impress you,” she joked, her laugh lighting up the screen.
With each passing minute, the conversation felt easier. The laughter flowed naturally, memories of your childhood together resurfacing as if no time had passed at all.
“So... how have you been, really?” Aeri asked after a while, her tone more serious now. “I feel like I missed so much. of your life"
You nodded, the weight of the years between you sinking in. “Yeah, it feels strange, I feel the same too. I’ve been good, I guess. But seeing you like this… I dunno.. It feels like yesterday, you were just that little girl on the other side of the road from me.”
Aeri smiled, her expression softening. “Right? I don’t know, life is so weird sometimes.”
“Yeah,” you agreed, a small smile tugging at your lips. “And now, you’re the girl on my screen.”
As the night went on, you both talked about everything—your lives, your dreams, the things you had wanted to say but never got the chance to. It was like reconnecting with a part of yourself you thought you’d lost. By the end of the call, there was an unspoken understanding between you both. This wasn’t just a one-off conversation.
“So, let’s not wait another decade to do this again?” you said with a grin.
Aeri laughed. “Deal. Next time, I’ll tell you the full story behind ‘Giselle.’”
“I’m holding you to that, Aeri” you replied, your heart feeling lighter than it had in years.
And that’s how it was. For a few months, you both shared everything—your days, your worries, even the smallest details. You started waiting for her calls, looking forward to the time you’d spend talking. She was always there, her laughter filling your nights(and early mornings!), making you feel closer to her despite the distance.
It was almost as if you were in a relationship. The way she looked at you through the screen, the way your conversations lingered on hopes and what-ifs. You could almost imagine what it would be like to be with her again, for real.
You routinely called Aeri during your day.
Hey,” you greeted with a smile as the screen connected.
“Hey,” Aeri chuckled softly on the other end.
“Is it 7:00 in the morning there? I thought you said you never wake up before 10:00,” you teased, noting how early it was for her.
“I don’t,” Aeri replied, a smile tugging at her lips. “But this was the only time that worked for you, right?”
“Well yeah but don’t you have class today?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeahh~” she admitted, “but it’s later~” sleepiness still evident in her voice
You couldn’t help but tease her. “Ya know Aeri, your english is pretty rusty”
“Hey!” Aeri chuckled in return and her eyes opened slightly. “I only speak English with you and my mom!”
You both laughed yet some silence strung between the two of you
“So, you said you were leaving California to be the world’s greatest designer... You still want that?”
Aeri paused for a moment while shifting in her bed, then smiled. “Hmm... I think maybe I’ll have a business like.. My own line of clothes”
“Ahh wow~” You sighed, “ You’re the same Aeri I remember. Wanting to do everything, have everything and also still so sassy.” you teased again
She laughed, feigning shock. “Sassy? Wow, can’t believe you think of me like that”
Aeri’s grin widened before continuing, “Actually... I got invited to Japan this summer to design for this brand for a whole month. My professor helped me get into the program!”
“Wait, so you’ll be in Japan for a month?” you asked, surprised. “That’s amazing.”
“Yeah,” Aeri nodded, her excitement palpable. “It’s crazy. I can’t believe it’s happening.”
“So, how are your applications going?” she asked, her voice softening.
“Hmm, wellll~ they’re going,” you replied with a small smile. “I’m looking at Boston for grad school.”
Aeri sighed, a hint of nostalgia in her voice. “Ah wow, look at us.. when did we grow up? It feels like we’re almost... truly adults.”
“Hmm, I know,” you agreed, a thoughtful pause hanging between you. “Too soon though.”
You hung up shortly after and went about your day. You studied with Yunjin, and later, the girls came over for dinner, followed by a late-night study session. By the time you showered and finally settled into bed, it was already 1 AM when your phone buzzed—Aeri was calling.
“Hello?” You mumbled out as you turned your lamp on
“Oh sorry, were you sleeping?” she asked, her face slightly blurry on the screen.
“Mm,” you sighed softly, rubbing your eyes. “No, I just got into bed, actually.”
“Long day?”
“Mhm, but that’s alright. What’s up?” you asked, shifting into a more comfortable position and reaching for your glasses.
“I’m just.. in Haebonchang right now,” she said, flipping the camera to show the view. “Look how beautiful the sunset is, Y/n.”
The sunset was breathtaking, shades of pink, orange, and purple blending into each other like a painting across the sky.
“Wow... it’s beautiful, Aeri,” you said in awe.
Aeri’s voice softened before she flipped the camera back to herself. “Yeah... I wish you were here,” she said quietly, her eyes flickering between the camera and the fading light.
There was a pause, her words lingering in the space between you.
“Maybe one day.. We could go there together,” you whispered, your voice tinged with sadness.
“Yeah.. I’d really like that,” Aeri responded, her tone gentle but carrying the weight of something more.
There was a brief second of silence. As if both of you were hesitating to speak up.
“I miss you,” you whispered, barely audible, your voice filled with longing. Time zones didn’t matter, distance didn’t matter. You really just longed for Aeri.
Those three words heavily hung in the air between you two.
“I miss you too,” Aeri quietly admitted, her voice soft but sincere, resistance evident in her confession.
The day after that interaction, things started to feel different. The FaceTime calls slowly became more sparse, and her texts were less frequent. You tried not to overthink it, giving her the space you thought she might need. But as the days passed, the silence began to weigh on you. Eventually, you double texted her, unable to ignore any longer.
“Aeri, is everything okay?”
For the first time in days, her response came instantly.
“Yeah sorry, I’m okay. I just have something on my mind. Can we call later?”
Her words did nothing to ease your nerves.
“Of course,” you typed back, keeping it simple, though your heart raced.
The uncertainty gnawed at you, the anxiety tightening in your chest as you stared at the screen.
Finally, what felt like days but in reality was just a few hours, Aeri called you.
You hesitantly answered “Hey Aeri, you okay?”
There was a pause, and that’s when you knew it didn’t seem promising.
“Y/n,” she began softly, her face on the screen appearing hesitant, almost conflicted.
“..Aeri?” you prompted gently, your voice unsure now.
She sighed deeply, her gaze dropping for a second before meeting yours again. “Y/n… I need to talk to you about something.”
Your heart skipped a beat. “Yeah I know, what’s going on? You okay?”
“When is it possible for you to visit me in Seoul?” she asked bluntly, though her tone remained soft.
You hesitated. “Well, maybe about a year or so? Just with grad schoo–”
She cut you off gently, “I know.. You don’t have to explain yourself, I just– God,” She paused as if holding herself back from admitting something. “It’ll be over a year and a half until I can visit you”
Your eyes stayed glued to the screen, watching her struggle to compose herself. The pit in your stomach deepened
Aeri swallowed hard, clearly struggling with her next words. “I think we should stop talking for a while”
Your chest tightened.
“Why?”
“I came here..” She began, “ No– I’ve had this goal since forever. I want to accomplish something here but.. I can’t stop myself from looking up flights to California every day.
And I think… I think I need to focus on committing my life here”
You blinked, the realization slowly sinking in. She was leaving again.
“So you want.. to stop talking to me?” Your words trailed off, unsure of how to finish that thought or if there’s anything more you could possibly say.
“Just for now,” she said quietly, her eyes softening with what seemed like guilt. “And I really don’t want to lose you. But I know.. I have to give this my all.”
You bit your lip, trying to keep the lump in your throat from forming. “Aeri.. It took me 10 years to find you.”
She looked down again, exhaling slowly trying to fight a sob from coming out. “I know Y/n, but I’ll be back before you know it.. It’s just a brief break”
Fuck
You nodded slowly, though your heart ached. “Alright then Aeri ”
“I’m sorry.” Her voice was barely above a whisper now. “I’m so sorry” She began to cry.
“No need to be sorry,” You said as you choked back your own tears, clearing your throat to cover it. “We weren’t dating or anything so don’t worry about it. Really.”
There was a long pause, the silence between you filled with all the things neither of you were ready to say.
“Take care of yourself and good luck, okay?” Aeri said, her voice soft but final.
“You too,” you replied, your throat tight, the words barely escaping. “I’ll be right here.”
The call ended, and for the first time in months, the silence felt unbearable.
Aeri never knew that this was the hardest you cried in years.
Whoever said times heals everything, is a straight up liar. Time doesn’t heal, it just lets you get used to how things are now.
It had been about eight years since you had last spoken to her and honestly, you didn’t think much of Aeri anymore. Life had moved on, as it does. Although, there were days when you’d think back on everything but those thoughts were extremely rare now, fleeting, like a distant memory and it didn’t sting the way it used to. You’d convinced yourself that was just how things went. People come and go, and life moves forward whether you’re ready or not.
Once you graduated and started your new job in Boston not long after. You settled into a routine that felt strange at first but eventually became your new normal
Somehow, you managed to entice Yunjin to move to Boston. She had moved into a place not too far from yours with her (now!) fiance. Her sister also lives in Boston too so the transition wasn’t too hard. Yuna and Ryujin had ended up in New York, so weekends/every other weekend often meant catching a train to visit them or planning get-togethers whenever everyone’s schedules aligned.
Your 9-to-5 job wasn’t glamorous, but it was steady—something you could rely on. You fell into the rhythm of it quickly enough. The crowded subway rides during rush hour, the packed streets of Boston, the distant hum of the city became part of your daily routine. You’d slip into your office, get your work done, and slip out at the end of the day. It wasn’t what you imagined back when you were chasing dreams in California, picturing something a little more exciting, maybe a little more daring. But it wasn’t bad either—it was.. just comfortable.
After work, you'd sometimes grab a drink with coworkers or meet up with the woman you’d met shortly after getting into grad school. There was nothing too serious between the two of you, just the occasional dinners or casual hangouts. She was fun to be around—easygoing, good company, someone you could relax with. You’d meet up after work at a bar downtown, sharing a drink and small talk about your days. Or sometimes, you’d catch a movie or grab takeout, sitting side by side on the couch in her small apartment, talking about work or random things that made you laugh.
It wasn’t the life-altering-head-over-heels kind of thing, but it felt normal, almost comforting. There was no pressure to be anything more than it was or used to be, and that was fine with you both. Life had settled into place without much fanfare, a quiet routine that you didn’t mind..
It wasn’t until one quiet evening, after a long day at work, that something finally disrupted your routine. You were sitting on the couch, nursing a beer, and scrolling through your phone without much thought, letting the noise of the day slowly fade away.
That was until a notification lit up your screen. You glanced at it out of habit, not expecting anything important. But the name made you pause.
Aeri Yizhuo.
Who?
Aeri…?
Your heart skipped a beat as recognition clicked into place.
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
For a second, your heart skipped a beat. You stared at the message, the familiar feeling creeping back into your chest, one you hadn’t felt in ages. You hadn’t thought of her in so long, and yet, there she was. After all this time.
And then, the truth hit you like a punch to the gut.
Aeri was married now.
You felt the sting of it, sharp and unexpected, cutting deeper than you would’ve liked to admit. It shouldn’t have hurt this much. You hadn’t thought about her in so long as you knew she’d been building a life in Korea. You had moved on! Or at least, that’s what you told yourself.
But here she was, after all these years she still had the ability to make you feel something. A feeling couldn’t quite put your finger on.
After all this time, part of you had still hoped for something. For something more than this.
About a month or two after your surprise catch-up with Aeri, you finally decided it was time to visit her. The timing was perfect—it was the end of the fiscal year, and you had some extra days off to use. You figured, why not? It would be a good vacation right? The thought of seeing her after all this time felt surreal, but exciting in a way you couldn’t quite describe. You’d booked your flight, set to leave next weekend so you and your friends decided to meet this weekend.
"So," Yunjin piped up, setting down her shot glass with a grin, "Why are you going to Korea?" You, Yunjin, Yuna, and Ryujin were all seated in Yunjin and Kazuha's shared apartment, a half-empty bottle of vodka in the middle of the table while your beer cans scattered around your side.
"She's going to see that girl, rememberrr?" Ryujin teased, her tone playful.
"Who?" you replied, pretending not to know who she was talking about.
Ryujin rolled her eyes, clearly not buying it. "Don't play dumb, idiot. You know exactly who I'm talking about—your first love, right? I thought she lives there, doesn't she?"
"Oh, I see how it is," Yuna chimed in with a smirk. "You just broke up with your girlfriend so you could go see her, huh? You dog"
"What! I’m going for vacation," you exclaimed, shaking your head. "And plus, you guys are crazy. She's married now."
"WHAT? Seriously?" Yunjin blurted out, her voice incredulous.
"Mhm," you nodded, your tone more casual now though it stung to admit it. "For like five or six years now"
You couldn’t even bring yourself to feel bad about it. After all, from your previous conversation with Aeri, it was clear how happy she was. She’d met her wife, Ning Yizhou, during her design trip in Japan. Aeri had described Ning as an absolutely beautiful soul, someone kind and supportive. They both work together now, running Aeri’s business, Giselle.
From the way Aeri spoke about Ning, you could hear the genuine love and admiration in her voice. There was no bitterness in your heart—how could there be? You were happy for her, happy that she had found someone who brought light into her life, someone who shared in her dreams.
In fact, you were proud of her. She really did accomplish everything she had set out to do. It was bittersweet, of course, but you were genuinely happy for her.
That’s all that mattered.
Right?
You stood just outside of Incheon International Airport, the thick scent of rain mingling with the smoke from your cigarette as you waited for your Uber. The weather had suddenly turned gray the second you had landed, casting a quiet gloom over the city, the kind that sinks into your bones(What a great sign, huh?). Raindrops softly patterned on the sidewalk while you took another slow drag, the smoke curling up into the damp air.
The second you crushed the cigarette beneath your shoe and bent over to pick it up, a car pulled up in front of you, headlights cutting through the misty rain. You quickly threw it in the appropriate spot in the trash can and opened the back door, climbing in with a sigh.
“Annyeonghaseyo~,” you greeted the driver in your best (broken) Korean, trying to remember the phrases you had studied years ago for Aeri.
The driver smiled politely in the rearview mirror, his eyes crinkling with amusement. “Ah, I also speak English. Are you going to the hotel?”
You felt your cheeks flush slightly, nodding as you let out a small, relieved laugh, “Yes, please!” lowering your head in a polite bow.
The car slipped into the rainy Seoul night, the city lights blurring through the raindrops on the windows. The sound of rain hitting the roof of the car was soothing. Your eyes traced the streets as you drove deeper into the heart of the city. The roads were wet and glistening, the neon signs reflecting off the slick pavement, painting the night in hues of red, blue, and green.
The drive felt longer than it was, the beautiful city of Seoul was a lot to take in. Finally, you pulled up to the front of your hotel, the bright lights of the entrance cutting through the rain. The driver helped you with your bags, and you handed him some Won with a shy bow and a “gamsahamnida,” before heading inside.
Checking in was a blur of polite smiles and hurried conversations with the hotel staff. Before you knew it, you were standing in your empty room, the door clicking shut behind you with a finality that made the space feel even bigger.
The rain had picked up, drumming harder against the window. You crossed the room slowly, setting your bag down by the bed before making your way to the large floor-to-ceiling window that overlooked the city. The lights of Seoul stretched out before you, and they were incredibly bright.
A reflection of your younger self flickered in the glass, dim and blurred by the raindrops. It was as if your inner child was staring right back at you—smiling brightly in those stupid colorful shorts your Mom loved to dress you in with a big toothy grin stretching across your face.
As quickly as she appeared, she vanished. Then reflected back was an almost unrecognizable adult. It was you. The light in your eyes was still prevalent, but it just wasn’t as bright as it used to be. Years must have dimmed that spark and softened the edges of the person you once were.
You leaned your forehead against the cool glass, watching as your breath fogged up the window. The city below pulsed with life, its bright lights and movement carrying on unaware of your inner turmoil.
In that moment, surrounded by the bright lights of a city that was so beautiful and full of life.
You had never felt more alone.
Some bridges in Korean folklore represent reunion and enduring love, like the Magpie Bridge, where separated lovers meet once a year to reaffirm their bond. Others, however, represent a fleeting reconnection—brief moments that can’t last, like this one.
The next morning, you got ready and made your way to Seonyudo Park Bridge, a location Aeri had sent you earlier. The sky wasn’t rainy (luckily) and the soft hum of the city seemed distant as you stood at the edge of the bridge, anxiously watching pedestrians and tourists bustle around. Snippets of Korean and bits of broken English floated past you as you nervously fidgeted with the strap of your tote bag.
You shifted your weight, glancing around, when a voice called out, one you hadn’t heard in person in years.
“Y/n!”
Your head instinctively turned.
Suddenly, in front of you stood a child. She wore jean shorts, a Hello Kitty shirt, and had medium length black hair. Her smile was bright, lighting up her entire face, and her eyes sparkled with a familiar excitement.
It was a smile you could recognize anywhere.
For a moment, you were transported back in time. There she was—Aeri, as you remembered her as a child, standing on the other side of the bridge. You froze, staring in disbelief as the vision of her younger self ran toward you, wide-eyed and full of life. It felt so real—the way she moved, the way her smile hadn't changed.
But then you blinked, and the vision vanished and adult, present time Aeri was just walking toward you. She looked different—grown up. Her hair had grown longer, her figure more filled in, and her features had sharpened with time. But that damn smile, the way her eyes crinkled in the corners when she smiled, was exactly the same as you remembered it from 20 years ago.
Without thinking, your body moved on its own, a shy yet goofy smile creeping across your face as you walked toward her. Your strides were longer, more eager, and you met her about three-quarters of the way across the bridge. You met her where she was.
Now standing just a foot apart, neither of you spoke at first. You both stood there, taking each other in, as if afraid to break the fragile moment. Aeri was still shorter than you by a couple of inches, and she was dressed in a sleek black leather jacket with gray slacks that made her look effortlessly beautiful.
You looked down at her, your heart racing, and for a few seconds, the world around you seemed to fade away. The silence between you wasn’t awkward—it was heavy, but not uncomfortable. It was the weight of everything left unsaid, everything that had built up over the years.
Finally, Aeri sighed softly, her eyes locked on yours, and a smile tugged at her lips. “Wow~,” she whispered, looking up at you with a mix of awe and warmth.
She surprisingly embraced you in an unexpected hug. Your hands hovered, ghosting across her sides.
“I missed you” She muffled out on your shoulder
You didn’t respond.
You both pulled back from the hug, standing there, just staring at each other. There was something almost surreal about it—the way you both remembered each other so clearly, yet in this moment, you felt like strangers, familiar but somehow unrecognizable.
“You look amazing,” you croaked out, your voice betraying the flood of emotions. “You’ve changed but... you haven’t? If that makes sense.” A nervous laugh escaped your lips.
Aeri lowered her head, letting out a soft, breathy chuckle. “I could say the same to you... When did you get so tall?”
You shyly smirked “I think you’ve just always been short.”
“Ah~ so you haven’t changed at all. Still so~ annoying,” she teased, her laugh infectious.
The laughter faded, and a comfortable silence settled between you both as you took each other in again, the weight of time pressing gently on the moment.
“So...” Aeri smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “You wanna go? I’ve got a few places planned for us.”
“Yeah, of course. Let’s go,” you replied, and without another word, you followed Aeri much like a dog
The Han River has long been a symbol of flow, change, and life in Korea. Flowing water symbolizes the constant change in ones life.. they’re moving in different directions, but still connected in some way.
The walk wasn’t far, but neither of you spoke at first. Aeri led the way and you followed, both of you too shy to break the silence. Finally, she guided you to a quiet spot near the bank of the Han River, the water glistening under the dim light of the overcast sky.
“How’s here?” Aeri finally spoke, settling down near the water’s edge.
“Mmm,” you murmured, nodding as you sat beside her. The lush grass below you.
You both sat quietly, watching the water, the silence growing heavier with unsaid words.
“Was the last time we talked really eight years ago?” Aeri sighed, breaking the silence again.
“I think so? We’re 30 now... So, yeah, I guess it was,” you said, turning your head slightly toward her. “Feels weird huh?” You gave her a little half smile.
“Wow...” she whispered, her voice carrying the weight of those lost years.
After a brief pause, she added, “You know.. before I got married, I went to New York with my wife.”
“I know.”
“I sent you a message on Facebook, I didn’t know if you had changed your number” she continued, smiling softly but with a hint of sadness in her eyes. “But you didn’t respond”
There was another pause. It felt like she had more to say, so you stayed quiet, waiting.
“I wanted to see you,” she admitted quietly. “I was disappointed.”
“I’m sorry,” you said, your gaze fixed on the water, avoiding her eyes. There wasn’t much else you could say, something was hanging in the air between you.
Aeri shifted, her tone changing slightly. “Well, I also wanted to meet your girlfriend. How are you guys doing?”
“We’re not together right now,” you admitted.
“Oh, I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to— wait, did you break up?” she asked, concern lacing her voice.
“Oh well no, I don't know, we’re just... in a weird spot right now. She wants to get married but...”
“But you don’t?” Aeri asked, cutting through your hesitation.
“Yeah it's just, I don’t know, it’s just... complicated,” you sighed, trying not to reveal too much, keeping your emotions in check.
“What’s complicated?” she pressed, her voice direct, almost matter-of-fact.
You chuckled lightly at her tone. “I’m still paying off my student loans. I just don’t want my wife to carry that burden, you know? Boston is expensive enough as it is...” It wasn’t entirely a lie. But deep down, you knew there was more to your hesitation than just the financial part.
“I just feel like she deserves someone better than me. We’ve been together but.. not really together for so long... She deserves someone who can give her what she wants. Someone... less ordinary and..”
“Ordinary?” Aeri interrupted softly, her voice filled with disbelief. “You’re far from ordinary, Y/n. You know you’re...” she trailed off, as if catching herself before saying too much.
You gave her a small smile, ignoring her hesitation. It was clear neither of you wanted to dig into old feelings, not yet, maybe even never. There was too much that both of you were avoiding.
“So, how’s work?” you asked, gently steering the conversation away from the tension that had built up. The question felt like a safe place to land, something casual and mundane.
Aeri smiled, seeming to relax a little. “Busy, as always. Giselle’s doing well, though. It’s everything I dreamed of... and more stressful than I imagined.”
“That sounds about right,” you chuckled, the heaviness between you starting to ease. “But, I knew you could do it. I’m really proud of you, Aeri.”
Slowly, the awkwardness began to dissipate. You found yourselves laughing about silly memories from when you were younger, filling in the gaps from the eight years you had missed.
Aeri told you about the ups and downs of her business, her wife, her travels, and the unexpected ways life had changed her. You shared stories of grad school, your friends, your job, and the quiet moments of your own life that had shaped you. It was easy to get lost in the rhythm of it, the back and forth, as though no time had passed at all.
Before you knew it, the sun had started to dip, casting soft shades of pink and orange across the sky. .
“Remember that one time when you fe–”
Your stomach grumbled loudly, cutting through Aeri’s story
“Oh my god, are you hungry?” Aeri’s eyes widened with concern.
Oh, no I’m fine, really!” You tried to assuage but of course she did not relent
“No it’s okay, I could eat too. Let’s go get some food, there’s a great to-go spot nearby, and then I’ve got one more place I want to show you.”
She was already on her feet, tugging at your sleeve before you could even think to protest. Not that you would, of course.
You chuckled softly, offering a simple, “Alright,” as a smile crept onto your face. It just felt so natural. Aeri was still the same, always charging ahead, her excitement infectious, leading you from behind as she had so many times before.
Some things really never change.
Soon, you both arrived at a cozy 24-hour convenience store, the kind that makes it fresh right there. It was small and tucked away, but the smell of freshly made meals greeted you the moment you stepped inside. You ordered an onigiri, feeling like that’s all your stomach could handle after such a day like this.
You unwrapped it and took a bite, savoring the simple comfort of the food, but before you could settle in, Aeri was pulling you along again, her food in hand, excitement bubbling in her voice.
“Let’s go, the bus comes in three minutes!” she said, glancing at her phone with a grin.
You both made it onto the bus(after scarfing down your rice ball) barely just in time. With no seats available, you were left standing together, holding the same pole.
Strangers pressed in around you, the sounds of conversation and the hum of the city filling the space. But in that moment, it felt like it was only the two of you in the world.
Your fingers brushed against each other, but neither of you moved. The silence stretched between you, not awkward, just heavy with all the years missed.
You met Aeri’s gaze, and for a brief second, it felt like time slowed.
The bus glided (not) smoothly through the city streets, and yet the tension between you was almost tangible. Your mind raced with everything you wanted to say, but none of the words seemed right.
"Ae—" you started to say, but before the words could form, Aeri cut you off softly.
“Oh, we’re here,” she said, her voice gently pulling you both back into the present moment.
The bus came to a stop, and you followed her out, stepping into the cool evening air. The two of you walked side by side, the quiet comfort between you settling in again as you made your way toward Namsan Tower, known for its Love Lock Bridge.
“Do you want a picture?” Aeri asked, breaking the silence. “It is your vacation, right? I feel like you haven’t taken many pictures while you’ve been here. Probably my fault,” she laughed lightly, her tone warm.
“Oh yeah, sure!” you said, handing her your phone.
You posed in front of a scenic spot along the path, flashing your signature bright smile.
“Ah~ so cute,” she teased, snapping a few photos before handing your phone back to you.
“Thanks,” you said, quickly glancing at the picture before slipping the phone into your pocket.
The two of you continued walking, your shoulders brushing against each other now and then as the foot traffic toward the bridge picked up. Just before you reached the bridge, Aeri stopped in her tracks, turning to you with a serious look.
“Y/n,” she said, her voice soft but steady.
“Hmm?” you looked at her curiously.
“Why did you... search for me?” she asked quietly, her gaze lingering on you.
“Eight years ago?” you finished for her.
“Mhm,” she nodded.
“Do you really want to know?” you asked, meeting her eyes. She gave a small nod in response, waiting.
You took a deep breath, searching for the right words. “I wanted to see you again... I don’t know. You left so suddenly, and I guess I was a little pissed off, honestly.”
“I’m sorry,” Aeri said softly.
You let out a small huff of laughter. “Why are you apologizing?”
“I guess... you’re right. I don’t have anything to be sorry for,” she admitted, smiling faintly.
“You were just in my entire life, and then you left... and then, bam, I found you again,” you said, the words coming out more candidly than you expected.
“Why would you do that?” she asked, her voice carrying a hint of vulnerability.
“I don’t know, honestly... You kept entering my mind when I was in college. I thought about you... a lot,” you admitted.
Aeri nodded, her expression softening. “I see.”
“We were babies back then, huh?” you chuckled, the tension easing. “And even eight years ago... we were still figuring things out.”
“Yeah,” Aeri smiled, a bittersweet glint in her eyes. “I can’t believe we’re not ‘babies’ anymore.”
You both finally arrived at the Love Lock Bridge, the sky now a deep shade of blue, illuminated by the city lights below. The bridge was alive with the soft hum of conversations you couldn’t quite understand and the distant sounds of traffic, but you felt a quiet stillness between you and Aeri walked around.
“Ning and I came here for our anniversary,” Aeri said, her voice almost wistful as she glanced around. “It was hard to find at first. We spent months looking for the perfect spot to place our lock.”
She started scanning the rows upon rows of locks, her fingers brushing over the cold metal as she looked for hers. But while she was focused on finding it, you couldn’t stop staring at her—the way her hair fell over her face as she leaned in, the subtle concentration etched on her features, the soft smile that tugged at her lips every now and then as she searched.
You knew you should probably be at least trying to help her, but at this moment, it felt like she was a world away, even as she stood right next to you. She was talking about their anniversary, their love, and you couldn’t shake away the sinking feeling.
Then suddenly, She spotted it. A small, worn lock with their names etched in faded letters. Ning and Aeri. She pointed at it.
“There,” she said softly.
Your eyes followed your finger, and she smiled when she saw it.
“Wow... I didn’t think we’d be able to find it.”
You forced a smile, but the heaviness in your chest lingered. After a few moments of small talk about the lock, the conversation lulled, and Aeri checked the time. The soft glow of the city lights and the quiet hum of the evening reminded you both that this reunion, like everything, had to come to an end.
“I should probably head home,” Aeri said quietly, her voice carrying a hint of reluctance. She didn’t want to break the moment, but it was inevitable.
You nodded, your own smile fading. “Yeah, I should get back too.”
Home. She was going home to someone—to a life that didn’t include you. And as much as you tried to push the thought aside, it stung.
She walked with you toward the bus stop, in silence. The conversation from earlier echoed in your mind—how you had found her again, only to realize that the distance between your lives was now undeniable.
When the bus pulled up, Aeri watched as you stepped inside. She gave you one last, soft smile, the kind that carried more meaning than any words could, just before the doors closed between you.
You said your quiet goodbye, instead of walking her home like you used to, you headed back to your own place. Alone.
The next day arrived with a clearer sky, though the weight of the previous night still lingered faintly in your chest. You weren’t sure how to feel, but Aeri’s early morning text had a way of pulling you out of your thoughts: “Let’s go to Seoul Tower today! I feel like everyone who visits needs to see it.”
Of course you agreed, a few hours later when you had checked out of your hotel, you found yourself walking toward one of Seoul’s most famous places, N Seoul Tower, with Aeri by your side. The streets were alive with locals and tourists, bustling around market stalls and snapping photos.
There was a vibrant energy of the city surrounding you, but your focus was on Aeri, who was as animated as ever, pointing out landmarks and sharing random facts about the places you passed. It was cute.
“This place is sooo a must for anyone visiting Seoul,” Aeri said with a grin as you passed a shop offering hanbok rentals. “Wanna try one on?” She teased “Or are you more in the mood for food?”
You bantered back. “Let’s try food first. I don’t think I’m ready for a hanbok yet,” you playfully rolled your eyes
You stopped at a food stall, grabbing some hotteok, tteokbokki, and grilled meat skewers.
“You have to try this. It’s my favorite,” she said, handing you a cup of hotteok, her face lighting up as you took a bite of the warm treat “See?! I knew you’d like it.”
The day moved quickly as you wandered through the crowded streets, snapping photos, enjoying the ‘touristy’ vibe. It felt easier, lighter, as if you could both escape into the city, even if just for a while.
As the sun began to set, casting a warm golden hue over the city, Aeri led you to the top of N Seoul Tower. From the observation deck, you could see all of Seoul stretched out before you. The view was breathtaking, the city bathed in the soft light of the sun.
“This city... it’s strange how much it’s become home,” Aeri said quietly, her voice softer now. She leaned against the railing, staring out at the skyline. “I never thought I’d feel that way when I first moved here.”
You stood beside her. “It’s beautiful,” you said, your own voice hushed, as if speaking too loudly might break the delicate moment. You stared at her as she gazed out over the city, your mind was elsewhere.
For a while, you both stood in silence, taking in the view. In that moment, it didn’t matter where you had come from or where you were going.
For now, this was enough.
After spending the day embodying a tourist and such, the sun had long set, and the once-bustling streets now felt quieter as you followed Aeri back to her apartment.
You were nervous of course,
“She knows I’m coming. right?” you asked, pausing mid-step.
“Of course,” Aeri replied, leading you up the steps to her apartment—the place she now called home.
As you entered, Aeri's wife, Ning, was already by the door. You weren’t sure what you had expected, but seeing her in the flesh felt surreal, like a final confirmation of the life Aeri had built without you. It felt like the gap between your past with Aeri and her present had suddenly become tangible.
After a brief moment of silence, you gave Ning a polite bow, offering your best attempt at broken Korean. “Annyeonghaseyo,” you said, smiling awkwardly.
Ning returned the gesture with a polite bow of her own. “Hello,” she responded in careful English.
For a second, both of you stood there, staring at each other incredulously, trying to find the right words, the weight of the moment hanging between you.
You nodded, your heart racing slightly. “It’s nice to meet you,” you added, this time in your most broken Korean.
Ning smiled kindly, understanding the effort you were making. “It’s nice to meet you too,” she said
Ning chuckled softly, the slight language barrier immediately apparent but not uncomfortable. “Aeri told me… a lot about you.” she responded in English
“Likewise”
Aeri came to your side, sensing the mix of emotions swirling in the air. “Ning, should we grab something to eat? She’s leaving later tonight, so I think we should eat,” Aeri said in Korean, but you didn’t quite catch the words.
Ning nodded and turned to you, switching back to English. “What do you like to eat?”
You pondered for a moment, thinking of something simple but satisfying. “Hmm… samgyupsal?”
Ning’s face immediately lit up at the mention of her favorite food. “Let’s go get samgyupsal!” she said, her excitement evident.
You three ended up at a cozy late-night bar and restaurant, the soft hum of conversation and clinking of glasses filling the space. Dinner had gone smoothly, the samgyupsal hitting the spot, and now you were all nursing drinks, passing time until your Uber was set to arrive.
“So, have you traveled out of the United States before?” Ning asked in Korean, her expression curious. Of course, you didn’t understand, but Aeri leaned in, her voice low as she translated.
“She’s asking if you’ve been out of the country before,” Aeri said with a small smile, eyes flicking between you and her wife.
You shook your head with a soft laugh. “I’ve been to Japan and Spain before, but I think Korea has been my favorite so far.”
Aeri translated the words, and Ning nodded with a smile.
“She says Seoul is a good place to start when visiting Korea, but if you come back, you should visit Jeju Island. It’s beautiful there,” Aeri translated again, while Ning added in her own bit in Korean, her face lighting up.
“I’ve heard great things about Jeju,” you said, returning the smile. “Maybe next time.”
The small talk flowed easily enough, but as the night wore on, Aeri slowly stopped translating, and Ning sat quietly, sipping her drink. It created an odd dynamic—one where it felt like Aeri was caught between two worlds, and Ning, though polite, was drifting further into her own thoughts.
You couldn’t help it. With the drinks loosening your tongue and emotions swirling inside you, the words began to spill out. Leaning in slightly, you lowered your voice, careful to keep your tone steady. “Aeri… thanks for introducing me to your wife.”
Aeri blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift in conversation. “Mm,” she mumbled, her gaze flickering between you and her drink, unsure of where you were headed.
“I can tell she really loves you,” you added softly, the sincerity in your voice clear. "I didn't realize much liking your wife would hurt this much."
Aeri’s eyes softened, her brow furrowing slightly. “Really?” she asked, her voice almost hesitant, as if she needed confirmation.
“Of course,” you replied, your words gentle, but heavy with the weight of what you weren’t saying.
A moment of silence passed, the sounds of the bar fading into the background as the two of you sat there, the space between you filled with things that had been left unsaid for too long.
You took a sip from your glass, gathering the courage to speak again. “… When we stopped talking back then… I really missed you. Did you miss me?”
The question hung in the air, heavy and raw, as if you’d been holding it in for years.
Aeri’s gaze dropped for a moment, her fingers tracing the rim of her glass. When she finally looked up at you, her voice was softer, almost vulnerable. “Of course I did, Y/n.”
A dry laugh escaped your lips. “But you met your wife then.” There was an edge to your voice, a bitterness that surprised even you.
Aeri responded instantly, almost defensively. “And you had a girlfriend.”
You scoffed softly. “Right,” you murmured, shaking your head with a small smile. “Sorry.”
Aeri fidgeted with the rim of her glass. “It’s okay.”
After a few quiet moments, you exhaled, the weight of your thoughts pressing down on you. The words slipped out before you had the chance to stop them. “Seeing you again… it’s made me have some strange thoughts.”
Aeri lifted her eyes to yours, her gaze gentle but curious. “What kind of thoughts?” she asked softly.
You hesitated, your fingers tracing the rim of your glass as you searched for the right words. “I keep thinking… what if I had come here eight years ago? What if you never left California? If we’d just grown up together, stayed in each other’s lives…”
You paused, the questions swirling in your mind before you continued, your voice growing softer. “Would I have still searched for you? Would we have dated? Broken up? Gotten married and had kids? Just.. you know, stuff like that.”
You glanced at Aeri, her expression unreadable as she absorbed everything you said.
“And what I’ve realized,” you continued, almost to yourself, “is that California… it was always too small for your ambition. You outgrew it before either of us realized. I’m happy you moved here, Aeri, I really am.
And the truth is, I liked you because you’re you. And who you are…” You trailed off for a moment, letting the words sink in before you finished quietly. “Who you are is someone who leaves.”
Aeri’s lips parted slightly, her breath catching. She looked away for a second, as if trying to gather her thoughts, before her voice came out in a whisper. “The Aeri Uchinaga you remember… she doesn’t exist anymore.”
Her words cracked slightly, as if admitting it to herself for the first time.
You felt a soft chuckle escape you, one tinged with understanding. “I know,” you replied. “I know.”
She nodded, but quickly added, “But… that doesn’t mean she never existed.” Her eyes met yours again, softer now. “I left that version of me behind 20 years ago. I left her with you.”
Her words, the honesty in them, tugged at something deep within you. “I know,” you repeated, meeting her gaze, a strange sense of peace settling over you. “I know we were only twelve… but I really did love her.”
Aeri’s lips curved into a small, sad smile, the kind that holds years of unspoken truths. “I know,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “You’re crazy, you know that?”
You both let out a quiet laugh, the sound soft but comforting, a brief return to the simplicity of who you used to be.
“I think we must’ve been something together in our past lives,” she said after a while, her voice distant, thoughtful. “Otherwise, why would we be here together right now?”
You thought about her words, turning them over in your mind. “I agree,” you finally said. “But in this life… we obviously just aren’t those people to each other, are we? We’re finally in the same city for the first time in 20 years, and here we are, sitting together... with your wife.”
Your expression softened, as you quietly acknowledged the truth you both knew. “To Ning, you’re someone who stays,” you whispered.
A few moments of silence passed between you and Aeri.
“Who do you think we were to each other in our past lives?” Aeri asked suddenly, her voice soft, almost wistful.
You tilted your head, considering the question. “Hmm… I don’t know,” you said, your tone thoughtful. “Maybe we were forced into a political marriage to stop a war…Or maybe we were just two strangers on a bus who happened to sit next to each other. Or even.. maybe I was just a branch you decided to sit on as a bird on a cold morning.”
You and Aeri chuckled at that, though you could sense a sadness behind it.
You both sat in the quiet for a few more moments, the weight of those imagined lives lingering in the air, until Aeri excused herself to use the restroom, leaving you alone with Ning.
You turned toward her, feeling guilty for the past hour. “I’m sorry we spoke alone,” you said gently, your voice low. “It won’t happen again.”
Ning gave you a small, gentle smile, though there was something sad in her eyes. “Don’t worry,” she replied, her English hesitant but kind. “You two haven’t seen each other in a while. I’m glad I got to meet you Y/n.”
You nodded, her response easing some of the tension in your chest. “I’m glad too,” you said softly, offering her a smile in return
When Aeri returned, you paid the bill and the three of you made your way back to the apartment to grab your luggage. The atmosphere had shifted slightly—quiet, but not uncomfortable, just the natural stillness that follows the end of a long day.
“Hey, I’m gonna walk her to her Uber,” Aeri said to Ning, offering her a small, reassuring smile before turning toward you and the door.
You paused for a moment, glancing at Ning. Bowing slightly, you tried your best to piece together the Korean you’d practiced. “Nice to meet you. Come visit me in California.”
Ning’s eyes softened, and despite the awkwardness of the language barrier, her warmth was undeniable. She returned the bow, her own English just as halting but genuine. “Definitely,” she replied, her smile sincere. You offered her a small smile in return before following Aeri out the door.
As you and Aeri stepped out of the apartment, the cool night air hit you both. You walked side by side down the quiet street, neither of you saying much, both lost in your own thoughts.
The streets were dimly lit, the distant hum of the city lingering in the background. Every now and then, your shoulders brushed, but neither of you acknowledged it.
As you neared the end of the street, where your Uber was set to pick you up, you both stopped, standing under a flickering streetlight. The quiet air felt thick, the weight of the goodbye neither of you wanted to acknowledge.
Aeri shifted slightly, glancing at you before looking away, her hands fidgeting in her jacket pockets. “Will it be here soon?” she asked, her voice soft, trying to smooth over the tension between you.
You glanced at your phone, the screen glowing back at you. “Two minutes,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.
Silence.
Some more silence fell between you two as the night deepened, the distant sounds of the city humming softly around you. Neither of you made any effort to fill the quiet, as if both afraid that words would shatter whatever remained between you.
Finally, the low rumble of a car pulling up signaled that your time was almost up. You glanced at the Uber, then down at your bags. With a sigh, you began to pack them into the trunk, your movements slow, almost hesitant, as if trying to delay the inevitable.
Just as you were about to open the car door, something inside you stirred. You couldn’t let this moment end without saying it.
“Aeri,” you called out, your voice breaking the silence as you turned toward her, your hand resting on the handle of the door.
She looked up, her eyes lighting up just a little as she responded, “Mm?”
For a moment, you hesitated, unsure if you should say the words that had been circling in your mind. But the thought of leaving without voicing them felt unbearable. So you smiled, that bittersweet smile tugging at your lips as you spoke.
“What if this is a past life as well, and we are already something else to each other in our next life? Who do you think we are then?” You could feel a deep sadness in your voice as the words left your lips.
Aeri blinked, the question taking her by surprise. Her eyes searched for yours, as if trying to understand the depth of your meaning. She looked almost vulnerable at that moment, her lips parting slightly before she whispered, “I-I don’t know.” Careful with her words
There was something in the way she said it—like she wanted to know, like she wished she had an answer for you but couldn’t bring herself to find one. The distance between you two felt like more than just the physical space separating you—it was something neither of you could cross.
You had realized just then. At that moment. That she hasn’t been looking at you with any sort of love or longing. She’d just been looking at you with nostalgia. A life before the weight of the world crashed down on her.
You lowered your head with a sad laugh in response to her.
“Alright,” you began, “Goodbye, Aeri Uchinaga.. See you then.” you whispered finally parting ways with the girl you'd known 20 years ago.
A feeling of loss over you, almost suffocating. You still managed a genuine smile because you were happy Aeri was happy.
Bittersweet.
“See you.. then, Y/n L/n” she whispered.
With that, you gave her a small nod, your heart heavy. The air between you felt thick with everything unsaid. Aeri looked back at you, her eyes holding a mix of emotions—nostalgia, sadness, maybe a little bit of both.
You opened the door and got into the backseat of the Uber. You glanced out the window one last time, catching a glimpse of Aeri standing there under the streetlight. She looked a little blurry in the dim light, but still the same Aeri you’ve always known.
For a second, your eyes met again. Neither of you waved, neither of you spoke. You both knew this was how it had to end.
You took a deep breath and nodded to the driver, and the car pulled away.
You silently stared out the window as the scenery of Seoul flashed by while tears streamed down your face.
You’ll never know that she was crying too. Harder than she ever had before.
jimin doesnt understand what about you draws her in so easily.
tags: bassist!karina, lead vocalist!reader, band au? (mentioned like once),
warnings. not proofread 😞🙏🏻, smoking mention (wasn't even relevant to the story)
wc 0.9k
leaving the venue will never be an effortless task, always consisting of a mass of journalists following close behind, cameras and microphones shoved in your faces. the flashes are bright, almost blinding. karina keeps her head low, a hand attempting to keep her freshly dyed hair from completely obstructing her face. she stands behind you, towering over your shorter figure. shouting is a constant — everyone's name yelled over the other in attempt to catch your attention.
the brunette towers over you — looking more like your bodyguard than your bandmate, and you look less like a celebrity than you should: messy mascara and lipstick smeared across your cheek; you still look decent.
jimin looks like she's just been punched.
and she just stares. not because of your unruly appearance, but because she can't just not look at you.
she swears she could feel a blush creeping onto her cheeks as she stood next to you; giselle or maybe ning would be sure to absolutely put her on blast later. the brunette gives the journalists nothing, simply brushing past the crowd with a glare. it's rushed — it's hurried. jimin finally catches up to you, keeping enough distance to atleast keep the press off of your asses. right, she thinks. the older has to pretend— pretend that she doesn't want to kiss the lipstick off your soft looking lips. god, they look soft. i wonder— stop. that's weird. shakes herself out of it, takes a deep breath and a step back. but you turn around and a small smile tugs at your lips and the blood rushes into her cheeks.
jimins fucked.
—
what does it matter that jimin would move mountains and the earth just to please you? so much for her badass persona. it’s just a façade, anyways. she started listening to your favourite artists just because you liked them; she dyed her hair back to black because you once mentioned they were your type (she was drunk out of her mind and used a box of cheap hairdye from a random store, but it still counts).
things don’t get much better when you arrive at the hotel. you’re her bandmate; you do the craziest things for each other. it’s always been karina and you, you and karina— to the point where you are both paired together for room arrangements and sit next to each other in your manager's van. fast forward to the present, it’s 2:00 am and no one’s sleeping. you're both waiting, hoping for something, anything, to happen. you’re desperate, waiting for some sort of epiphany. for one of you to acknowledge your feelings for the other. it's hopeless. the atmosphere is tense, poignant with the weight of unspoken words and pushed aside feelings.
jimin saunters out of her respective bed a little over 1:49, not completely sure if you’re awake. you’re quiet and hiding under the covers, like a child who was afraid of monsters in the dark. but karina is no monster; you’re afraid, not of her prescence, but of her realising your feelings. but the brunette pads across the wooden floor to the balcony door— she slides it open. you hear her take a seat on one of the chairs. she unlocks her phone and she sits there scrolling for a while.
you make your move. silently and drowsily, you make your way to the balcony and make your presence known. “jimin,” you say, almost mutter. the brunette looks up, a cigarette hanging from her lips, a small blue lighter held up to the paper. she hums, patting the chair next to her.
you take up the invitation and you realise that she looks cold, in only a tank top and shorts. the bassist huffs, and even in this weather it could have been mistaken for a puff of smoke. your vision is blurry, and you almost mistake her deep breaths for it.
she laughs. “you look like you have something to say.”
you stay silent— you don’t know what to say. instead, you follow karinas eyes after she turns away from you— and gaze at the LA skyline. the sheer amount of lights in the distance begin to resemble false stars, jimin notices. and then she stares back at you, and all she can think about now is how your eyes rival the lights of the city.
and also about how she would’ve liked to have a normal, domestic relationship with you, away from the cameras, away from the tabloids. but you won’t, because your lives are far from normal and domestic. and then her lips tighten into a line— and she looks away again.
a deep breath in— a deep breath out. the brunette has to ground herself. she closes her eyes. jimin isn’t brave at all— she’s anything but. but she wants— no, needs, to get this over with. the woman needs answers. another deep breath in, another out.
she doesn’t meet your eyes, but she murmurs, “i like you.”
and you have to do a double take, because it was so sudden and so random— but jimin still doesn’t see the expression on your face when you finally whisper a small, “really? i thought you were more interested in flirting with our fans more than me.” she finally looks up at you, eyes widened in relief.
“what? no! never!” jimin protests, turning to look at you as of you've grown another head. “you're stupid, then.”
and in that moment it feels like nothing has changed at all. it wasn't as if the world stopped spinning or the stars shined brighter than before, but you know in your mind that it's as if the weight of the world you knew was lifted off your shoulders. it's silent, both of you simply listening to the hum of the traffic below accompanied by the cool wind.
if you hadn't moved to busan, minjeong's heart would be incomplete. / the ways in which minjeong shaped you, your worldview and your heart.
warnings. making out at some point, mentions of xenophobia, not proofread 💔🙏🏻
wc. 2.3k
tags. timeskips, first love, separation at one point 💔💔, plot heavy, open ending, loosely based off the movie heavy snow
seoul. october 2016.
you were not ready for the life of fame.
sure, it was promising. the luxury, the thrill of everyone knowing your name. a life able to be lived without the fear of being forgotten.
you had been thrust into the entertainment industry at a young age — you were maybe four-ish when you starred in your first movie. you are 15 now and you still won't be able to live that down.
enough is enough — you decide, packing your bags without another word or protest when your parents announced you would be moving to busan. yangsan is big enough that you won't be the only person in high school that's your age but small enough that you won't be bombarded with news reporters or the tabloids.
you leave school without a word.
the day before, you were chosen to clean the school grounds— once your job was done, you went home. you didn't say goodbye to your teachers, and friends were out of the question.
yangsan girls highschool, yangsan. november 2016.
the air is cold, but not as cold as it would be in seoul. when you entered your new class, your home room teacher asked you to sit next to a student named kim minjeong, black, bobbed hair, snowy skin, and large eyes.
“hey,” the girl greets you in a hushed whisper, voice casual. she recognises you, and it's evident in her eyes, but she treats you like a normal person, offering to give you a tour around the school. you sit next to her in all your classes, bringing snacks to share with you.
minjeong doesn't have too many friends, with only a small group she's truly close with. you hang out on the rooftop together each day, talking to each other about life. hopes, dreams, your future; your past.
“i wanna become an idol,” minjeong states one day at haeundae beach, plainly, looking off into the distance. she turns to face you. “but i don't think i have the looks, unlike you. you're pretty, yn.”
a gust of wind causes you to shiver and your hair to blow wildly into your face. staring at her, you quickly refute her modest description.
“what? of course you have the looks! don't be so humble about it. everyone knows you're pretty, min.”
she giggles at your defensive outburst, turning to the ocean. you don't catch it, but her cheeks are a slight red due to the nickname. but why? everyone else calls her that, too, so whys it different when it's you?
“one day, you'll become a trainee under some well-known company, and the whole world will know who you are.” you tease.
minjeong rolls her eyes. “then i'll remember the child actress who randomly moved to yangsan and showed up in my life.”
“what about you?” she asks.
“huh? oh, i'll think about it.”
a beat passes.
“yn, do you know how to surf?”
songjeong beach, busan. december 2016.
that day, minjeong thought it would be the perfect opportunity to take you to the beach, begging her parents for weeks to let her take a train to busan. it wasn't like she was perfect at it, but she was decent enough to not embarrass herself infront of you.
it was cold, cold enough that the two of you were shivering before you reached the water. not to mention the weather was overcast and gloomy with high winds, rendering the beach much colder than usual.
your toes dig into the wet sand, feeling the sting of the cold water as the waves crashed against the shore. you squeal, clutching minjeong's hand tighter than before, pushing your bodies together as she giggled. the surfboards you had rented drag through the crisp water, attached to your wrists by the string. in a way, this feels intimate. looking into her eyes, you catch a glimpse of how her dark pupils glittered and caught the sunlight.
chest deep in the water, you both mount the boards, sitting on the epoxy material to stay afloat. the waves are calm, without the wind, all you could do was wait until the waves picked up again, shivering like crazy. however, when the waves do pick up, minjeong pays close attention to you, making sure you don't hurt yourself, or in her words, ‘that you don't drown and die and i have to pay for your funeral.’
you squeal again, finally able to stand on the surfboard without falling into the cold, almost freezing ocean and getting the seawater in your nose. your unexpected shout causes minjeong to get distracted, lose balance, and for the first time that day, fall over.
“it's cold!!” she whines, her cropped black hair and bangs sticking to her face.
“not so fun now, is it, winter?” you retort, hanging onto the edge of your surfboard and resting your chin against your crossed arms.
you don't notice, but the nickname causes her face to redden and heat up, making the surrounding water slightly more tolerable.
minjeong quickly composed herself, sticking her tongue out at you before splashing the salty seawater at your face.
“hey! minjeong!”
after hours of what one couldn't even consider as surfing, you grow tired, dragging your surfboards across the sand before you both collapse with a thud, your hair sticking to your skin and your wetsuits moist with the smell of the sea on them. at the same time, you both look at eachother, two pairs of eyes boring into each other's before minjeong sneakily undoes the strap that connected the board to her wrist, climbing on top of you before throwing wet sand at your body, initiating a play fight.
“minjeong! i hate you,” you whine, attempting to peel her off of you, giggling and grinning like an idiot.
the light-hearted banter was over as quickly as it began, with minjeong returning to her spot on the shore beside you, the tan sand littered across her dark head of hair. a beat passes before she speaks up.
“ynie, let's run away together.”
“what?” you turn, staring at the girl as if she had grown a third eye. “run away?”
“i mean, not like that. like, we should go to seoul for a night, without our parents knowing.” she offers. “we'll be back by the morning.”
yangsan. december 21st, 2016.
in all honesty, your parents didn't care whether or not you were out of the house. sure, they'd be worried and concerned about your whereabouts, but if you made an excuse such as staying at a friends house, they'd be alright with it.
your backpack is essentially empty, with only your phone, charger, train ticket, wallet and headphones inside. minjeong is the opposite. one peek inside her bag would make any sane person believe that it belonged to a parent with a young child — the things you had in yours, hand sanitizer, tissues, sunglasses, two hoodies and a raincoat.
when you tease her for it on the train, minjeong swats you on the shoulder; stating; “you're just under-packed.” (“we'lil be there for six hours at best. you're overpacked.”)
seoul, december 21st 2016.
the train ride to seoul was surprisingly peaceful, you both slept the whole time (only you did, minjeong spent the entire ride making sure you slept well). it was dark out now, the winter sun having set hours before. “it's okay,” you reassured her, “we can enjoy the nightlife.” you found yourselves at the han river soon after— the bank was practically empty due to the harsh winter air.
you grin triumphantly. “now it feels like a real, romantic date like in the dramas.” turning to look at minjeong, you sit down on a patch of grass not too far from the river itself. minjeong chuckles, shaking her head before pulling out some snacks you had purchased at the nearest cu.
“minjeong,” call out in a sing-song voice. “feed me a chip.”
you don't need to look over at the other girl's face to tell that she believes your idea is outlandish, swatting you on the back before yelling out with a laugh, “no! feed yourself, you lazy bum!”
after 20 minutes of sitting down and gossiping while eating, minjeong decides she wants to walk around and explore. standing up from where you were perched, you adjust your scarf and coat before extending a hand out for minjeong to take. “follow me! you don't have a choice, jeongie.” unsurprisingly, minjeong slings her backpack over her shoulder, accepting the extended hand and intertwining your fingers together.
about five minutes of walking led you to a random street in seoul, which was surprisingly empty for this time of year. the two of you used that lack of people to your advantage, running through the streets, hand in hand, giggling and shouting to the night without a care in the world. through your vivacious display of your friendship, you come across a poster of you— an advertisement. you smirk to yourself, pulling away from minjeong's grip to pose infront of the photo.
“what do you think? pretty?” you tease.
“mhm, very pretty,” minjeong replies, almost with no hesitation.
a gust of wind sweeps past you, causing you to shiver under your layers. despite this, you acknowledge how intimate this seems, before minjeong brings you out of your daze with a sheepish, “can i...kiss you...?”
you nod, allowing the short-haired girl to bring a short but sweet kiss to your lips, causing you to both giggle.
“again,” it sounds like a question— you cant bear meeting her eyes. minjeong grins, leaning into you, pressing her lips to yours ones again while drawing circles on your skin with her thumb. your lips move against each others in perfect rhythm, and when the need for air becomes too apparent; she pulls away, the corner of her lips tugged into a slight smile. “come on, let's keep walking?” she offers, this time being the one to offer her hand in a display of newfound bravery.
yangsan/seoul. june 2017.
minjeong had been your everything ever since you moved to yangsan, your best friend, your lover, your heart. which is what makes the sudden news that you'll be moving back to seoul even more devastating.
the day they brought it to your attention, you cried into minjeong's arms, your own wrapping around her lithe figure as if you wouldn't be able to go if you refused to let go of the girl. she holds your head in her lap, playing with the soft strands of your hair. “it's not your fault,” she tells you in a hushed whisper in attempt to console you (you don't dare mention that you can hear the hurt in her voice).
minjeong's soft. she's always been— for you— never raising her voice at you on purpose. you two never argued. so you feel at fault for ruining her day. your lips form a frown and you repeat yourself.
“i'm sorry, i'm sorry, minjeong.” you chant it like a prayer, hoping that minjeong forgives you for something that's not in your control.
the bell rings, signalling the end of term.
you left your heart in yangsan that day.
seoul, 2018.
it's spring now. the couples surrounding all the parks serve as mockery to you. you never got over minjeong. you never even tried to get too close to someone else. then it'll feel like betrayal. you couldn't do that to her, not to minjeong.
however, you still find yourself taking minjeong's advice: take your vitamins, don't get sick all the time, and that you should become a trainee. youre only close with a select few of girls within the large group of trainees which sm entertainment was planning to choose a debut lineup from. you're quite popular among the group— you can sing, you're pretty, and well-known already: you need to work on your dancing.
after practice, some days, you go walking around the city— a habit you picked up from minjeong. you're often accompanied by a girl named yizhuo: about your height, chinese, and your roommate. you recognise her as the girl from smrookies. the two of you often rely on each other for support when some people pester you for your reserved nature and some girls refusing to talk to her simply because she's chinese. she assures you it's okay, as she's already sharing a dorm room with you and another trainee.
you believe things are finally working out for you, finally going your way.
that's until monthly evaluations, when a new trainee joins the team. you don't think anything of it until you see who it is.
kim minjeong.
your heart sinks and the feelings you thought you had repressed long ago return like built up water to a floodgate. she's still minjeong, just older, with longer hair and a taller build. yizhuo and jimin sense the tension, tapping on your shoulder and mouthing a ‘you okay?’
you nod, offering a thumbs up before you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, hoping minjeong and her stupid(ly beautiful) round eyes didn't notice your departure. to your dismay, she does, following you out of the practice room after exchanging greetings with the rest of the girls.
minjeong catches and corners you in the bathroom, watching as you washed your face with cold water. “yn,” her face softens as you meet her eyes through the mirror, taking a few steps forward to your figure, drying your face with a paper towel.
the confusion combined with the thrill of evaluations caused you to speak without thinking, blurting out, “whyd you come here to confuse me?”
in a way, it was true. minjeong had come all the way to seoul, attempting every audition that the was eligible for just for the chance to see you again.
fate worked in her favour.
however, minjeong doesn't seem offended by your words. instead, she smiles, cupping your face. “i missed you! don't leave me again, you idiot.”
you pout, attempting to pry her hands off your cheeks. “my face is wet, minjeong. let go.”
pairing: ning yizhuo x fem!reader
genre: fluff
warnings: none
a/n: to the anon who requested this, here is your ningning fic. i hope you like it!!
in the heart of seoul, amidst the street lights and quiet roads, y/n found herself in the quiet and calm perimeter of her apartment with her girlfriend, yizhuo. the clock had just struck midnight, casting a soft light over the living room as they sat next to each other in the dimly lit space.
yizhuo, with her infectious smile and sparkling eyes, stood up from the couch and held her hand out for y/n, a mischievous glint swirling in her gaze. “dance with me,” she urged, her voiced laced with excitement.
y/n hesitated, her brows furrowing in reluctance. despite being good at it, dancing wasn't something she liked not felt confident in; in fact, she utterly despised it. but the hopeful look on yizhuo's face melted her resolve, and with a defeated sigh, she took her girlfriends hand.
as they began to slowly sway to the sweet and soft melody in the background, y/n couldn't help but feel self-concious. she felt as if her movements were awkward and stiff compared to yizhuo's grace. but yizhuo didn't seem to mind; she simply wrapped her arms around y/n's neck and pulled the taller girl closer, guiding her through the steps with patience and love.
“i can't believe you're making me do this,” y/n grumbled half-heartedly, however there was a hint of amusment in her voice as she allowed herself to be swept by her girlfriend's energy.
yizhuo giggled, her arms tighten around y/n's neck as they moved together in the intimate space of their living room. “you know you love it,” she teased, leaning up to press a kiss on the taller girl's cheek.
despite herself, y/n couldn't help but smile, the warmth of yizhuo's affection melting her anxiety away. in that moment, surrounded by the warm glow of midnight and the sweet embrace of girlfriend, she found herself beginning to enjoy the dance, if only for yizhuo's sake.
as the music swelled around them, they moved as one, their laughter mingling with the melody in a beautiful symphony of love and togetherness. and though y/n still may not have been a fan of dancing, she knew that as long as she was with yizhuo, she would dance with her anytime, anywhere, even at midnight in their cozy little apartment.
