there are parts, perhaps, that just might be good. even if most of them are lies. parts of her, some of her, has to be GOOD, and untouched by her BROKENNESS. and perhaps that goodness isn’t inside her, perhaps it’s the facade she puts on like foundation. it’s not her, perhaps it was her a long long time ago, but that was so long ago that she’s forgotten now. but the facade, her facade, is something that says that this is what she strives to be. it’s a dream, one she might not ever be able to reach. but the KIND goddess that she pretends to be, the good girl, and the leader the leads by being the best at being the best person she can, is who she wants to be at the end of the day. she knows she’s a SARCASTIC bitch, but a girl can dream to be better. she wants to be better. she wants to be the one who leads them to victory. to be an aphrodite, not a persephone. she wants, so badly, to see the world through the rose coloured glasses she pretends affect her. she wants to be pretty, and king and aspire to bring hope into the world like so many can. but she’s still not a belle, she’s still not a cosette. she’s a fucking natasha rostava. a cheater. a betrayer. a less than perfect perfection that tries top hard to be good. she’s trying to be LOYAL but at any moment she might slip and fall and betray all that she’s been working to her entire life. she knows that failure is a possibility. one she hates. she’ll aim to be loyal until the end of her days after all. she’ll die for these people, or so she tells herself. she won’t be natasha. she can’t be natasha. she may be a FLIRT she may be run over by PASSION trampled by her wants, but she will keep to her people for as long as she lives. she will be as ARROGANT as she wants, be a HEADSTRONG fucker. but she will not be natasha rostava. she will not fall to her whims, because something pretty comes along. unlike natasha, her first love, her first want, and the thing that’s gotten her this far, will lead her the rest of the way. she’s sure of it. she has to be.
