Fool in the Hills

random thoughts from the edge

[bmac2668]

The Moose took it hard today. 1st ballntoss after the walk to the park, he twisted his leg. Came up a little lame so we came back and he took a nap.

I faired much better. Full weight circuit, aforementioned walk, then 1/2 hour on the bike.

This time, I'm gonna make it! 45lbs. to go in 4 months.

[bmac2668]

I ventured forth onto an alien landscape today with confidence and determination. For the first time since my injury, nearly 9 years ago, I walked into a room filled with weight machines, free weights, treadmills and exercise bikes. It's not about how many pounds I can move. It's about the effort. It's about exchanging a sedentary routine for an active one. It's about creating a habit and overcoming inertia.

[bmac2668]

A day of hope, enthusiasm and energy crashes on the rocks of the anxiety and depression of "why bother". Conversations attempted but interrupted, feelings expressed but not heard. Back into my shell.

[bmac2668]

Nothing says "Dad Bod" more than writing: Tighten the Flab, as my goal at the start of weight training this week.

[bmac2668]

2 Steps Forward, 1 Back

After a reasonably good day yesterday I am laid low with a debilitating headache and tight neck. No time to even appreciate yesterday, let alone enjoy any progress. The recovery from brain injury is ongoing and random. But, you can't be better tomorrow if you take tomorrow away from yourself.

[bmac2668]

Anxiety is high today as I watch the end of both the US and UK governments that I have known. Truth does not matter, nor does the will of the people. How could I be so wrong?

[quotemadness]

“It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger.”

— Lemony Snicket

[bmac2668]

Down 3 lbs for the week and my body/mind is not as sluggish. No sugary snax, no alcohol helping? Sleeping better too. Could it be all those healthy living advocates are on to something? More walks for the Moose!

[bmac2668]

Encouraged that my focused efforts are beginning to show results. On track with my weekly objective. Something that I need to remind myself of to avoid self-sabotage with disappointment . Disappointment at the thought, "Is that all?"

[bmac2668]

Depression is real. I have created what amounts to a disgusting shrine in the corner of the couch. Disgarded dirty socks, plates, cups, blankets etc. Caring enough to notice, not caring enough to clean it up. Causing Moose to worry about me.

[bmac2668]

Some days require serious thought. We've decided that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Walk a mile, end the pity party, eat better and move forward. Made 2 days last week, shooting for four this week. Don't focus on the failures but, apprecciate the progress.

[bmac2668]

It's been a "why bother?" kind of week. The effort seems pointless. Needless to say the progress has been minimal. But, focus on that progress, however small. Still better than where I was.

[bmac2668]

Having a purpose for the day is a huge boost to my mental health too. Ate right, Went 16 minutes on the bike, and added 1,000 steps to the day. #NewMe2020 #HealthGain #depression #braininjury

[bmac2668]

Health Gain Edition

Starting the year a little late. But, teamed up with a friend in VT today. We'll be discussing healthier habits and nutrition. Instead of having the focus on weight loss we'll be focusing on healthy gains. This week the focus is to eliminate alcohol and fast food while reducing snacks and monitoring sugar intake. Pretty good chunk at one time. We'll see how it goes. Also, did 15 minutes on the stationary bike to kick the program off! #NewMe2020 #Healthy2020 #Depression #braininjury

[just-shower-thoughts]

having a large vocabulary is like having a big box of crayons. You rarely use azure or ochre, yet it still feels nice to have them in the box.

[bmac2668]

Christmas Eve Mon, Dec 24, 2018

[bmac2668]