BobbinWrinkles @bobbinwrinkles - Tumblr Blog

#doodlepost #tumblr doodles #draw me

I don't know. Maybe I should start writing here again. I feel like my brain's too full for my head but also that there's nothing in it.

I was doing OK but now I'm not.

#Panic #Ed #Struggle #Anxiety

Lol when your Xmas lunch is an apple. 🍎

I don't write here much anymore. But in case anyone is following the lax withdrawal saga- 43 days lax free. In that time, two emergency hospital admissions where they had to intervene to prevent perforation and two sort out dodgy bloods caused by fluid issues. Lots of feeling rubbish. 5kg fluid gain. Which I don't believe is fluid but never mind. Still lots of oedema issues and bowels have only moved on their own twice, once after drinking a pile of alcohol (socially) and once after a core massage thing. I hate this. There is no info anywhere online about what to expect in withdrawal past the usual slow bowels for a little while and fluid shifts. No one tells you that six weeks down the line you'll still be struggling and feeling awful. I know its not the same for everyone and I know I was taking tonnes. But meh. It's all rubbish.

#eating disorder #anorexia #laxatives #laxative withdrawal

Following hospitalisation and various procedures as a result of laxative withdrawal, I can assure anyone in any doubt about this- THOSE TABLETS ARE EVIL.

#laxatives #eating disorder #anorexia

Sunday am lax update.

Ok I’ve decided the best way to stop myself taking these is thinking about the money. About £200 a week. I wouldn’t spend that on anything else without careful consideration. So focus on the money.

I feel huge. I also feel quite sick and gross and have pain in my chest and back. I don’t know if it’s related. I want to sleep but I have to walk. I want to gym but walking is a compromise.

Thanks @recoveringcj. That doesn't scare me. It should, but it just doesn't. But the guilt over the money hopefully will be a good deterrent. I've never let myself think about it before.

#laxatives #tw #eating disorder #withdrawal

Suicide prevention day can fuck off. "tell someone" "ask for help" "seek support" There's fuck all useful support out there so like rather than tell suicidal people to do that can we focus on improving the services available and responses to suicidal thought disclosure?

I feel like shit and I need to come home.

I went out. Wandered a bit. Spotted frozen yogurt place. Bought froyo. Ate half of froyo. Am in huge panic because "it's not in the plan" and regretting my "courage" and argh.

#eating disorder #meal plan #idiot #panic

Hold on, is it only in Scotland where alcohol off sales have to stop at 10pm?

#revelation #not that I'm drinking on a monday #was buying a present and panicked I'd be too late #and the sales person was amused at my questions

I feel awful and I am terrified and I am sad too and generally any negative emotions I probably have them right now 😩

I keep thinking, I'll get better after I get worse. But that's a symptom isn't it? That is one of the things people with EDs quite often think, so almost proves it's a symptom and not just my own thought. Really, unless it's ignored then the cycle continues...

#musings #eating disorder #symptoms #confusion

Awkward moment when an Amazon supplier calls you and says: "You've ordered over a thousand laxatives. That's a bit unusual. I'm the pharmacist and need to ask you some questions". Me: *hangs up phone*

#ffs #panic #idiot #eating disorder #laxatives #tw #do i call back?

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