we are only sparks @bodemood-archive - Tumblr Blog

Also the amount of times my brain went "Hm. That turns me on. But being turned on bad? Sex bad? Cause problems"

i feel bad because H did the exact same thing. like he was sweet and caring and only ever put my comfort first, it just... also happened to be mixed with my Catholic Guilt and general sex negativity, the loaded backstoryTM and rocky start, physical issues, clashing emotional issues and my horrendous communication and belief that in order to "get better" at sex I needed to force myself into it even if no one else was forcing me.

its like 50% my fault and 50% no ones fault yknow

and the only reason this one's working out so well is because of all the stupid therapy and self reflection and exploration i've done and the complete lack of strings

like i hated myself after because of my own issues not because of him

anyway ya imma move blogs again lol bye

Whyyyyy did being asked about my kinks send me into a whole spiral

Wanting someone in your life who knows nothing about you because you want a blank slate and a platonic relationship that doesn't revolve around traumadumping and emotional support

But also wanting someone to talk to about your problems and who cares about you and lets you lean on them a little to take the burden off (but not in a codependent way) because no one in ur life responds the way you need them to

when u decide to eat more and gain weight but then u actually gain weight and realise ah, id rather die actually

tbh i wanna find another person to fuck around with so im not fixated on one person but i think i found the one good man* on this goddamn campus lmao

*that is also good at taking initiative, knows what hes doing and explicitly just wants to fuck

brain: he's gonna find out ur cheating on your parner with him

me: im literally single???

brain: but what if u have a spouse and forgot

me: ..........????????

also he's poly but seems to only have fwbs and seemed confused about the concept of soemone being bi and asexual at the same time so im like sir......are u aromantic and dont know it........

#if he is then im excited lmao

i gwt anxiety about replying to people too much and i get anxiety about NOT replying to people and i get anxiety about people replying to me and i get anxiety about people NOT replying to me

anyway i need to change vent blogs lmao im too paranoid about this one

#theres a reply/like on one of my posts but i cant SEE it

(genuine/positive) i love that this guy's followed me on tiktok forever and even dm'd me/commented on a couple things and i was kinda creeped out because i didn't know who tf he was and irl he turned out to be nice as hell and i didn't make the connection until he was like "oh yeah i followed you on tiktok for a bit before i deleted" and i was like,,

oh so when i said "i do amature closet cosplay but its embarassing so im not showing u" and he was like "thats fine no presure" he'd already SEEN it imma die

Nvm fefl nothing

Like. I have a date later today with A different guy. It shouldn't matter

Ah. I am already sad over him. Cool. Actually maybe I'm just like "ok you opened a floodgate of horny please continue doing that"

Also I am in the same room as S and the person he's also sleeping with and I know, I KNOW It's FineTM but Jesus I am in a weird mental space (but also I'm trying to get my housemate and them together because I think they like each other? So I'm reluctant to leave the Room)

H is ignoring me againnnnn lmaooo how's it been years and I feel dead when he does this

#its the ex-fp feeling for me lmai

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we are only sparks