BodyTalk with Kristi Willock @bodytalkwithkw - Tumblr Blog

Turns out I was killed in a past life.

I’ve struggled with money literally my whole life. This is something I’ve been exploring recently and trying to get to the bottom of. I knew the main reasons why I haven’t been financially successful, but I didn’t know the “why of the why”. The past few weeks, I’ve been having some trouble with my right shoulder, and since Christmas time I’ve been having a painful lump in my right armpit come and go a few times. Here’s a section of the BodyTalk session I had yesterday:

“I see this scar wrapping right around the front of your shoulder, underneath your armpit and all the way to the back, and it’s being stitched but it’s got money stitched in there. The money is old and it’s dried up and it’s full of dried blood and pus, so we’re really working with this theme of money being really old and dirty. Not only that but money causing wounds. It’s almost as if every time you’re rewounded that money is the cause and it looks like a scar.

There’s actually an 8th chakra influence (past life) where you were a man, you were very rich and wealthy and you were murdered and people did not like you, and they actually severed your whole entire right arm from your body and that’s where I see the stitching happening. They stitched all of your money back onto your arm. So there is this belief that “money will be the death of me”, so why would every want to attract lots of money?”

!!!!!

It’s been a long ten years.

After clawing through years of depression, a new chapter of life is beginning for me. I’ve found so much freedom in the fact that I can make my life what I want it to be. It is a long, slow, lazy gravel road that stretches out in front of me, welcoming me. It croons to me with each step. It is endless. It is pure beauty and light.

But quite frequently, the town closes in on me, squeezing until I can’t breathe, and I forget that there is more than this. I obsess over everything.

I don’t know how to be a mother.

I am so lonely that my heart aches.

I have to be this way. No, I have to be that way. No, just be yourself.

I don’t want to fail.

I’m 28, but still don’t feel like an adult.

There’s too much. Too much of everything. I struggle to connect with anyone. I struggle to connect with the ground beneath my feet. I struggle to uncover who I am. To feel real. To wake up. To realize that this is it. This is life and it’s mine to shape. To convince my subconscious to believe the things that my conscious mind already knows.

So, little by little, I learn to eliminate the negative. I choose who I surround myself with. I don’t give my ego the time of day. I fill my Instagram feed with people who inspire me and who remind me that there is a big, beautiful world out there just waiting to be explored. I imagine finding someone who is perfectly suited to me. I timidly welcome the challenges that single motherhood brings. I try to view the world through the eyes of my son. I thank the universe for everything it provides me with. I remember that I have everything I need at this moment in time.

And I strive. I strive for simple, pure, complete happiness.

Just a reminder!

For those of you who are new to BodyTalk and my page, here are a few things you should know!

- I offer home parties! This takes place in the comfort of your own home with 5-10 of your friends and family. It’s a relaxed, casual environment where we can discuss BodyTalk and you can see a demonstration session. Everyone can enter for the chance to win a free BodyTalk session, and the host receives a free session no matter what!

- I will be in the Lampman Spring Fling tradeshow on Saturday, May 23rd from 11 a.m. - 4 p.m.! Anyone who comes by and books a session that day will receive $10 off, and you’ll also get to throw your name in for a chance to win a free session! Stop by and learn a bit about BodyTalk!

- I am looking for small businesses to open their space up for a BodyTalk presentation, or if you have a service to offer, I’m always up for a trade!

- I practice in Lampman Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday during the day and evening. I also practice in Estevan at Estevan Massage Mondays and Fridays. To book a session in Estevan please call 634-8327.

- If you EVER have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me!

My head is in the clouds.

My life has spun around 180° for what seems like the hundredth time. I have become so aware of so many subtleties that would have flown right over my head not that long ago. I spent two days at a Natural Health & Wellness Expo and could literally feel myself buzzing with all of the energy that was being held in that room. Two nights ago I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep. Last night I slept for nearly eleven hours. Today I feel as though I’m floating around my house and my head is detached from my body.

I went outside and sat on the ground with a big chunk of hematite in an effort to connect to the Earth. So that I can function through this day and be grounded, rather than lightheaded in la-la land. This simple act showed me something quite lovely. After working with a friend on a few different things I’ve been struggling with, the allergies that have given me grief since I was a child have almost completely dissipated. I can breathe again. I have released the fear of taking life in.

My emotions are bubbling away under the surface. Everything nearly has me in tears today. All of the lovely Mother’s Day messages that I see on my feeds. The enlightened words that I read in Eat Pray Love. Watching my child playing across the street and coming to the realization that he is very slowly but very surely inching away from me. The awareness that I am so grateful for what I have. That I am comfortable enough to admire myself for how far I have come in the past year.

At the expo yesterday morning everyone picked a “word of the day” out of a container. I picked “birth”. It is so unbelievably fitting that out of the dozens of words in there, I picked that one. I’ve talked a lot in the past few months about feeling “like my old self” again, and that was a nice feeling. I didn’t think it could get much better than that. After the past few days, though, I no longer feel that way. I feel like a new person. Like the universe is giving me a fresh chance to shape my life into what I want it to be. I am no longer helpless and sad and afraid. I vibrate with excitement thinking about the unknowns that my future holds.

One thing leads to another.

I LOVE epiphanies at 10:00 p.m. on a Saturday night! Forgive me if this isn’t the most eloquently worded post, or even well thought out. I've had a bit of a personal revelation and couldn't wait to share. I shut my lamp off tonight to go to sleep, snuggled into my covers and my mind jumped immediately to money. Unfortunately, finances are something I obsess over often.

Lately, a fear of money is something I’ve been working really hard on. To me, it sounded ridiculous. How can someone have a fear of money, and if they do, how the hell do they get to the bottom of it?

Well, when things like this come up for me I tend to exhaust myself thinking about it constantly. It’s like my conscious and subconscious mind have been having a tug of war…“follow the law of attraction and visualize that you have all the money you need and want”….“but I KNOW I don’t have it, so how can I live my life as though I do?”

So anyway, this “fear of money” popped into my head as I was trying to fall asleep and I asked myself the same question I have been asking for the past couple weeks: “what does money mean to you?” And the answer that has been evading me flashed into my brain like a bolt of lightning: responsibility. As much as I think I enjoy having money, it has meant nothing but responsibility to me for my whole life. I’ve never had money to use to truly enjoy myself…it’s always gone to bills and expenses and I’ve spent money I didn’t even have.

In turn, responsibility means I have to be grown up. I have to face the fact that I’m not a kid, I’m a single mother who has to be financially responsible for herself and her child. That’s frightening!

I’ve never had a positive relationship with money, but now that I’ve uncovered why I fear it, I get to move onto the next leg of my journey of self-awareness and well-being. And that is EXCITING!!

And hopefully in the meantime money and I will become friends. 😊

Reading this makes me think of all you mamas out there who do everything you can to put your children first. While that is so lovely of you, perhaps it does more harm than good sometimes.

It makes me cringe to see how many mothers come in and tell me how they don't get enough sleep, are always busy with the kids, don't get enough help from the hubbies, never have time for themselves....whatever it may be. They have trouble with kids who don't listen, are easily frustrated, don't sleep through the night, and the list goes on. What many people don't realize is that we are all a reflection of each other. One of the best things you can do for your family if you are struggling through tough times is to TAKE CARE OF YOU! Imagine that! If you think about that for a second, it completely makes sense. So when your kids are driving you bonkers or acting up, take a second to look at yourself and ask how you can help the situation, rather than place all blame on them.

Do yourselves a favour - before you go to sleep tonight ask yourself how many times you put yourself first today. Take a quick step back and look at the way you treat yourself. Do you give yourself everything you deserve?

I had one mother bring her three children in for sessions and also asked me to do a distance session on her husband. When we were finished, she made the comment that she kept meaning to get herself in for a session but there was always so much to do. That really struck me - here this mother was, putting her entire family before herself. Leaving herself at the bottom of the pile.

So many of us have the belief that in order to live a successful life, we have to be busy. We have to be running our kids all over the country for sports and other activities. And while things like that certainly are important, they aren't everything. The world won't fall apart if you begin to make yourself a priority, and I know from experience how unbelievably fantastic it feels to shift into a space where you finally realize that your well-being is important. Slow down for a moment and question whether you are living life to its fullest potential. Because when you move into a more peaceful place for yourself, everything else will follow.

-xo

This is how we end the stigma.

Recently, Jaken's life has been turned upside down due to a few different things that have happened since last August. He was beginning to show signs of extreme frustration and aggression at school, and at home I couldn't discipline him or simply have a discussion about what he was feeling without him getting upset and defensive.

I chatted with the vice principal and we both decided that it would be beneficial for him to start seeing the school counsellor. To me, this seemed like a great idea and I loved that it would give him a person outside of the family who he could open up to. Funnily enough, I had a few people who seemed very surprised that I had made this choice. I even had someone who was very close to us look at me and ask "why??!!" in a disgusted voice.

It is so clear to me that this is how we end the stigma. We make sure our children have at least one person they feel completely safe talking to. If that person happens to be a counsellor, fantastic. There should be no comments from ANYONE in a child's life that even hint that having to see a counsellor is a negative thing. It should be the norm for our children to feel nurtured and loved and cared for and honoured. We most definitely should not be shrugging our children's feelings and actions off as "a stage" or "that's normal" or "they'll get over it". A child feels just as many emotions, if not more, from life experiences than adults. We have to teach them to use whatever tools they can in order to grow up with a balanced and healthy life.

This is where we plant the seeds that getting help for the way we feel or what's "just in our heads" is absolutely fine. That it is okay to feel sad or frustrated or angry. We must give our children the ability to freely feel whatever they will feel, and then teach them how to manage their emotions and the situations they are in.

Jaken has only spoken to the counsellor three or four times so far, and his behaviour has improved so much. He comes home and tells me that he got to talk to her and that it feels really good. How can that be wrong?!

BodyTalk isn't just for pain.

I had someone ask me last week if BodyTalk can be good for things like anxiety. The answer is ABSOLUTELY!

There are many different techniques in BodyTalk that can help release any emotional and mental issues - from depression & anxiety, to PTSD, to OCD, to general day to day stress, and the list goes on!

One thing to always remember is that it takes time. In this day and age, we have all gotten used to having things as soon as we want them. It takes seconds to load a webpage, we can talk to each other at any given moment of the day no matter where we are, and we all want a pill to give us a quick fix. It is so important to step out of that mindset when you are thinking of beginning to work through mental and emotional issues.

The best way to describe how BodyTalk works with those issues is that it's like peeling back the layers of an onion. It takes time, it takes work, and it takes honesty. If you come into a session and you aren't prepared to be honest with yourself, we may not get very far. You have to be willing to peel back those layers to expose what's underneath.

And I know from experience that it is sooo worth it!!

occult101

The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.

Pema Chodron (via occult101)

My subconscious block

While my BodyTalk practice has been plugging along slow and steady for the past few months, I've been getting frustrated because I want to fill my schedule right up to the brim and no matter what I try to do, it hasn't happened. I think a lot of us simply glide through life, choosing to ignore the problems that cause our problems. After weeks of feeling as though my ability to reach my true potential was there, but just slightly out of reach, I decided to get to the bottom of my problem causing my problem.

I sat down and began to write out what I've been struggling with for the past few months - never having enough money to pay bills, not being able to take Jaken out to do fun things, barely being able to afford groceries, frustration that I don't have as many clients as I'd like - and it wasn't long before I was burrowing deeper into issues that are never at the forefront of my mind on a day-to-day basis. Things like "I'm scared of what people will think of me if I fail?" and "do I really deserve to be successful?" and the biggest one that I (along with a couple BodyTalk sessions) uncovered - no sense of self-worth.

So I wrote down all of my problems, and then on the other half of the page I wrote down what I envision for myself - a full schedule, no problems paying bills on time, a fridge full of food, the ability to give Jaken a great life and make my dreams come true. And down the middle, I drew a line. I viewed this line as my subconscious block. I made it something real in my mind - gave it a shape and size and colour and texture. Something I knew was there, I could feel it day in and day out, but I couldn't figure out what it consisted of or how to get rid of it.

I have spent the last few days working on this block, mainly with BodyTalk, and some interesting things have come up. Different events from when I was with my first boyfriend, who was abusive...all of that took place over ten years ago and is still affecting me today, even though I hardly ever think about it. The first time I was cheated on. Feelings of needing to put on a good front. Depression, fear of failure, frustration. The past event of my father being laid off...I don't even remember how old I was when that happened. My subconscious "pointing at me and laughing, telling me I'm not good enough". None of these things are things that I consciously think about every day...some of them I haven't thought about in years. But they are still there and they are inhibiting me from having the life I want. Since I've started working on this, the block has shrank (shrunk?!) by about 75%.

So don't ever, EVER shrug your subconscious off. If something doesn't feel right in your life, LISTEN. Trust your gut. Explore your feelings. Use the power of your mind to be creative and think of ways to manage what you are going through or things from the past that you still hold on to. Stop coping through your life, and come to realize that you possess the ability to feel amazing day after day, not just every now and then! Learn to use your subconscious to your advantage and DON'T BE SCARED of what you might find! It will only ever be a positive thing to peel back the layers that are bogging you down :)

What our symptoms are telling us

I had an interesting experience just over a week ago.

About a month ago, after nearly four years of being together, my boyfriend and I split up. We had lived together for almost three and a half years, so he had grown to be a big and important chunk of Jaken's life. He stayed living with us for another two weeks until he could find a new place.

During this time, I chose to wait to tell Jaken that we split up because I didn't want to cause him any extra confusion or grief over why Ryan was still living with us. Also during this time, I developed an annoying cough.

Normally my colds start with a sore throat and then progress into a cough, stuffy nose, sinuses that feel like they're going to explode, etc. This was just a cough and nothing else. No fatigue from being sick, no urge to climb under the covers and stay there until I felt better, no chest congestion, no stuffy nose, nothing. It was simply a dry cough, like a tickle in my throat, that couldn't be eased no matter how much water I drank or how many cough candies I had.

So after a few days I thought to myself "I wonder if this cough is something else". I looked at all of the emotional things I was dealing with and all of the changes that would be happening in the coming days and weeks, and I clued in to what the cause might be...I have this cough because I haven't told Jaken about Ryan and I yet. It's literally something - even though it wasn't a "physical" something - stuck in my throat and it will be there until I "spit it out". I even voiced this to a couple people because I was so sure that's what it was.

And I was right! The day after I told Jaken, my cough was completely gone. I don't even mean it slowly faded away and eventually disappeared...I mean I woke up that morning with no scratchy throat and no coughing.

So the next time you are experiencing symptoms of some sort, take a deeper look at what might actually be causing them...always try to be self-aware, and you might be surprised at what you feel!

#BellLetsTalk

"Depression isn't real."

About two years ago, I tried opening up to someone about my depression and that was her response. So this quote from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows seems more than appropriate to share today.

As I've stumbled through this journey with depression, I haven't had many people I felt I could turn to who knew just how unique this brutal struggle is. Most of you know how BodyTalk has been the biggest help for me, but it took a lot of courage for me to even admit to myself that I was depressed and take the first step into the light. There are still so many who hide behind a curtain, afraid of what people may think or say or act towards them.

The more I share about my experience, the more I find people supporting me and opening up about their own struggles. By no means am I an expert and I don't find myself in a position to change or "save" someone's life, but I know how much it would have meant to me during my darkest times to have at least one person I could relate to. Someone I knew who understood exactly how it felt to not be able to get out of bed or to feel like all of your insides were being squeezed to the point of almost exploding.

To anyone struggling with mental illness - I have two ears that work well and a very open heart. A conversation with me can be considered a safe place. I am someone you can turn to when you feel hopeless or simply need to get the words out of your head. You can text, e-mail, call, Facebook..you don't even have to tell me your name. But I am here. I used to think that I needed someone else to be a rock for me, but I have slowly become my own rock. I have learned how to be here for people without taking their problems on as my own. You could never burden me.

So please, please...if you are fighting the mental illness battle, open up to someone. And if you are the someone that they choose to open up to, NEVER tell them that "it's not real". Don't tell them to "just stop" or "just cheer up and be happy". Don't tell them that others have worse problems. Don't compare them to starving children or the homeless or the "physically disabled". Mental illness IS a disability. No matter how you feel about it, you be there for them. You let them cry, you let them tell you their worst thoughts and feelings. You are the person they were brave enough to come to. Don't ruin that first courageous step for them.

Let's end the stigma.

occult101

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.

Buddha

occult101

Maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don’t see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce yourself.

Marianne Williamson (via occult101)

A great video about innate wisdom and intuition. For those of you still wondering how the heck your body can know what it needs to heal!

Happy holidays!

I hope everyone is entering their holiday season with warmth and gratitude. I've recently began to shift my perspective on life from focusing on the negativity around me to making an effort to see what is positive.

That being said, I know this time of year is difficult for many. So, today your task is to nurture the most important person in your life - you! The beautiful thing about this subject is that none of us has to be an expert on how to nurture ourselves...we are all different and need nurturing in different ways.

I have a few too many clients who come in and fill out the intake form, and when they get to the question about how much time they have for themselves to relax, they write down "little to no time for myself". After many, many years of putting others' wants and feelings before even thinking about myself, I'm just beginning to learn the importance of making sure I take time for me. I no longer feel guilty for needing five or ten minutes each day to take a few deep breaths, or do Cortices, or to have a bubble bath, or to simply go to the grocery store alone.

DON'T CHEAT YOURSELF OUT OF THIS TIME! Sometimes I kid myself and take a bath at 3:30 p.m. because I'm impatient for some quiet time, and without fail I've got my son barging in or knocking and tell me he has to go to the bathroom or begging me to get out so I can cut him an apple. So I really try to wait until he's in bed for my quiet time, otherwise it's not true quiet time to me.

So as you go through this holiday season that is supposed to be all about giving, make sure you give to yourself as well. Keep yourself up at the top of that list and listen to what your body and mind tell you!

xoxo

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