i like to pretend i’m a heartless apathetic b*tch but in reality i’m a baby who cares a fucking lot and emotionally invests myself in everything and is hurt 98.3% of the time
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@bogilawson
i like to pretend i’m a heartless apathetic b*tch but in reality i’m a baby who cares a fucking lot and emotionally invests myself in everything and is hurt 98.3% of the time
College
dad: “DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE THE REST OF THE LOSERS WHO WORK A WENDY'S BECAUSE THEIR “FANCY DEGREE” COST THEM MORE THAN THEY COULD PAY OFF?! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW BRINGING YOURSELF IN DEBT DOESN’T JUST EFFECT YOU?! YOU'RE BEING RETARDED IF YOU THINK YOU CAN GET A STUDENT LOAN AT 18 WITHOUT DRAGGING US DOWN WITH YOU! IM NOT TRYING TO DASH YOUR DREAMS IM JUST TRYING TO KEEP YOU FROM RUINING YOUR LIFE! DO YOU WANT TO BE IN DEBT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE ITS 500,000 DOLLARS! JUST LOOK AT YOUR MOTHER WHO IS STILL PAYING OFF HER STUDEnT LOAN 20 YEARS LATER YOU'RE GOING TO BE SUCH A FUCK UP IF YOU TRY. OH?! YOU THIK YOU'RE GOING TO GET A FULL RIDE SCHOLARSHIP?! ONLY FOOTBALL PLAYERS GET SCHOLARSHIPS!
^^^^ This is the response I got when I attempted to tell my family at dinner that I would like to go to college for aerospace engineering or biotech engineering. I’m posting this because I know I am not the only one who gets their dreams shot down by family. I also know that for more than many the arguments over college are brutal. For me all I can get when I leave me vocational school is a Machinists. No not a Mechanic. I don’t want to be a machinist for the rest of my life I want to do something higher something more important. I know for some kids it’s the same. I also know for others it's the opposite. However please know that it is your decision I know easier said than done but after 18 it's your life they cannot force their decisions on you.
It’s not easy to doubt the things you’ve grown up believing.
Jace Herondale, City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare (via randomquotesilove)
Same
And I still can't even look good as one gender and here is James slaying me in both, and well Jamie, she’s always been a psychotic beautiful
More fun Zodiac facts here
Fat
this past week was Thanksgiving, and we all know we gain a few extra pounds over the holidays, but what is defined as a “little more weight?” The summer before last a was a very proud weight of 140lbs. The smallest weight i’ve ever had for my body. Over last christmas and the winter I gained another 45lbs, from binge eating ...everything, 185lbs in total right now. I have tried to stop but i just can’t. If the food is there i will eat and eat and eat, never fee;ing full, and just eat myself to death. A bit of background is that my mother is 169ish pounds and she complains about it every time she steps on a scale, my father is about 240lbs as of right now, he used to be close to 300 and he promises he will never look disgusting and fat again. So as you can see my role models for body positivity aren’t there. So a few moments ago I got on the scale to see 195 pounds. 10 more than i was, 5 away from 200. I stepped off to see that the dial thingy was in perfect alignment with the zero. I stepped on again...195 lbs. I dont know what more I can do. I cut down how much I eat i dont exercise but im standing all day in my machine shop. Before I started typing this is i looked up “drastic ways to loose weight fast” and “How to throw up food” Im going to look up how not eat food without being caught. I live in a very conservative household, therefore if they found out that im looking this up or even trying to do any of this, they would say 1. Im doing it to get attention, or 2. Im certifiably crazy in which they would put me in a mental facility and leave me there. I hate myself. I tried really hard for that body positivity thing, but it didn’t work for me. So maybe it’s time i tried something else. I hate being so depressing, i’m really not I swear,if you looked at me you’d never know i was like this. However if i dont say something somewhere I might just implode. I know dramatic huh?
NUDES
Why the hell do guys ask for nudes? why the hell does it have to be in the middle of a fucking everyday conversation?? Why the hell does it happen right after you have started the conversation of with telling them you won’t sext or send nudes to them??
example: Me-*Talking about school or work*
them- *talking about future plans*
me-”so what did you want to be when you were little?”
them-”so send nudes?”
You know why I hate living in this toxic place filled with the demons that loom over our heads silently? Is because those demons are not always silent. In fact in this pathetic wasteland we call a “home” they are often very loud and nosy. I’m no better but I’ll attest to the fact my demons can be controlled whereas your’s and his and her’s... yea well that’s for another day. I am mentally abused by your demons, only now i know i’m NOT going to take it anymore. I’m not going to bow down and deal with your demons telling me I’m nothing, telling me I’m worthless. Telling me that i do not have any rights- telling me that I do not deserve respect and that you earned yours...? No I do not respect you, I will never respect you.
“What did we ever do to you that makes you hate us so much you want to leave so bad!?”
“We are nothing but good to you and you need to learn to give us some respect!!”
These demons yell when I say I don’t want to be somewhere, or I don’t like something. GOD FUCKING forgive me for not liking the shirt you got. Forgive me for your ignorant,arrogant pathetic pissy moods. I apologize that me doing my homework so I don’t get grades below a B , for I know you’ll tell me it’s unacceptable and you’ll probably slap me when I say sorry, gets in the way of me doing the household chores. I do not get a lot of chores, but I still do it.
“We only ask little things of you! I didn’t think we asked a lot of you! the least you could do is cut with the attitude!”
The demons will say, the attitude I never had, the attitude you assumed I had because I’m not smiling all the time.
Why do I hate it so much? Because while my life is not hard. Struggling with parents who continuously depreciate, undervalue, and down right don’t want you... is.
starco is great but I don't want the show to end that's the big problem theory were all facing
The “THING” continued...
I had moved away from the window and closed the curtain not allowing myself to continue this charade. "Meghan," I started, "What was your punishment?" I was not prepared for the answer she gave me. "He... It.. didn't let me sleep, It told me through the window that he would never let me go to sleep again." Tears began to well up in her eyes and my mum rushed to calm her down. I spoke again this time directed towards my dad. "Well, you saw it, what did it look like?" You could say I didn't believe any of it, I honestly expected my dad to start laughing any minute. He didn't. "It was dark but I could see it. The THING was completely and entirely covered in black matted hair, the only thing visible were two huge bloodshot eyes. Definitely not human." He looked towards me then to my mum, and lastly to my little sister. "Meghan I am so sorry I didn't believe you, but I do now." He suddenly got an angered look in his still fearful eyes as he got up and went into the top shelf of the pantry. (This shelf is far too high up for my mum and sister, i could barely touch the side of it even standing on a stool. Now I am a 5'3" 16 year old girl,and am by no means weak. I can take on my father at his full force, I may not win but i sure can hold my own. This will come into play later.) On the top shelf my father had pulled down a small pistol and walked outside. By this time my mother was cursing as screaming at him over hiding a gun in our house. I quickly followed him outside taking a large kitchen knife with me. My father had never told us about this pistol, and the fact he took it with him made my blood boil, but not in a mad way. I put it off as adrenaline now. My dad began to circle our plot of land staring up at my sister's window. "That window is at least 10 feet high, nothing can stand and look through it. What the fuck is going on?" My dad looked everywhere we both did, nothing. I kind of laughed at the fact I thought I'd find anything in the first place. It was a moment I will regret for the rest of my life. I let my guard down, if only for a few seconds, but it knew I did. The THING dropped from the tree behind me, rather on...me... I screamed not that anyone but my family would hear me. I wildly swung the kitchen knife around trying to cut it or scare it away. My dad yelled to at me, not that I remember what he said now. The smell coming off my attacker was enough to make me want to gag. It's large arms, I say that lightly as I don't even know if it had arms, began to choke me. My dad by this point had rushed over to get it off me. He fired at it, cutting my cheek in the process. The bullet didn't even faze it, however as the blood ran down my face the THING licked it. It's gross tongue and the horrible smell of its breath made me shiver, but the adrenaline... That did it. I managed to get free enough to turn and stab it. Similar to the bullet... it did nothing to seemingly harm the THING. As I looked up at the monster in front of me I saw the biggest smile... I don't even know if I can call it a smile as I don't know what it was really doing. I do know that if I never see that creature again I will never forget those eyes. They were about as big as my fist and looked, as my father described, bloodshot. My dad pushed the creature back and managed to pull the knife out of its chest, shot it in the head. The...smile... grew and it ran off into the night as I say ran, but it was limping, still going faster than humanly possible and then disappeared into the dark surroundings. I felt my knees go weak in a kind of relief as I heard police sirens. My mother had called them. After cleaning the scratch from the bullet and making sure nothing was broken, they then looked at the marks around my neck. Both EMTs (Emergency Medical Technicians) looked at me puzzled, they had never seen mark like that. It was as if a bunch of little paper cuts were arranged around my neck in a zigzag pattern. I hadn't cried or caved or had any kind of mental break down until I heard the police tell my dad it was probably a bear or something. I marched over there and told them to look at my neck. "Do these look like bear claws to you?!" I screamed. They said nothing. I began to cry and scream loudly, my mother coming over to comfort me. I did not sleep well for awhile... not until recently. I have not seen the THING nor have had my sister wake me up asking if I was scaring her. None of us had since that night. I pray that I never see it again, and I pray that one day those eyes will leave my nightmares.
THE END
The “THING”
Background: I live in a two story raised ranch I first moved into my house about a year ago this past August with my mum, my little sister and dad. As far as pets go, at the time I only had 2 very docile cats. They never hissed, scratched, or growled...ever. Anyways about a few months into living here my little sister would come into my room at night and ask if I had tried scaring her. Of course I had been sleeping so I told her, "no go back to bed." The next morning she would have large bags under her eyes and we would ask what was wrong; "I couldn't sleep, the THING (she emphasized) was scaring me." We asked her multiple times what the THING was, but she could never tell us really. Even I wrote it off as though it was her 9 year old imagination, later I found out she didn't have an imagination, this went on for a few more months. My dad, who has a bit of a anger issue and a no nonsense policy, had started to yell at her every time she brought up "the THING." He would tell her it wasn't real and she would cry and scream "YES IT IS!" My dad being the tough guy was had told her that for that night she would sleep with my mother and my father would sleep in her room. That night I'm pretty sure was the one and only time I had ever heard my dad, a full grown man who stood at 5'10" and 240 pounds, scream like a little girl. As everyone woke up and rushed to my little sister's room, he was staring at the open window, I had never seen that look in my father's eyes before, and I don't think my mother had either. She went to kneel next to my dad and tried to calm him down. He stammered, " A- he- it- THE THING WAS OUTSIDE!" My mum just looked at me and I had asked my dad what had happened as we all turned on every light in my house and sat in the kitchen. As he took his time getting his heart beat normal, he told us the events that had just occurred. " I was lying down on Meghan's bed (My little sister) and I heard something tapping the window, I got up to look and standing with it's face on the window was the THING." my mum and I just looked at him, the look in his eyes didn't allow me to doubt a single word he said even as I stared at him speechless. This time my mother had asked Meghan to tell us what she had experienced, as Meghan had never told us before. " I can't tell you, and dad should not have told you. Now dad is in trouble..." This was odd coming from her as because she was always a cheerful child and never said anything like this before. My mum was dumbfounded and just looked from me to my dad, to my little sister. "Hunny," she said lightly "what do you mean Daddy's in trouble?" Meghan looked at her, "Dad told us about the THING, when I told you about the THING I was punished, now it's dad's turn..." By this point I was thoroughly creeped the fuck out and I brought my cat over to comfort me. I went to the window hesitantly looking out at the darkly lit area in front of our house. My cat started trying to get out of my arms and acting weird something he had never previously done. He Suddenly hissed at the window outside and began scratching me to get away. I let him go and he took off to our office area, and as I took a closer look to the front yard I thought I could see something in the bushes but I just believed it was my imagination. I should tell you, I don't have an imagination either.
TO BE CONTINUED.....
I feel like I'm drowning, everyone knows me as the positive one, everyone knows I don't have anxiety or depression. Everyone knows they can come vent to me, and I don't mind. But I'm falling as I sit here and write this I'm crying my eyes out, I have so many friends but I have no one. This was my last resort I've already written in my journal I need to vent to someone other than myself but there no one there. No-one cares how I'm doing well I'm sure there's someone out there who does but right now I feel like my head is under water and I'm losing breath. I'm not going to cut I'm not going to harm or attempt to kill myself. I just hate this hollow feeling as if I'm a shell. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
The viola rules all ! @bookynerdygeekyshorty @if-only-i-was-a-moose
Walking around a bookstore with no money:
Me: *stroking the books* I'll come back for you.
How would your sign be in the bedroom?
Now this has been plaguing my mind for awhile now. But what if we, this world is fictional, and we are own personal stories that someone is reading, and right now this really boring part of your life is just the prologue? And what if the "fictional" characters we read about are reading about us?