so today i learned that there’s a piece of graffiti written on the wall of a brothel in Pompeii that reads, “Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!”
this lead me down a rabbit hole of Pompeii graffiti, in which i found the following:
From Herculaneum (a bar/inn joined to the maritime baths): "Two friends were here. While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus. They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores."
From just outside the Vesuvius gate: "Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place."
From the peristyle of the Tavern of Verecundus: "Restitutus says: 'Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates.'"
From Herculaneum (a bar/inn joined to the maritime baths): "Apelles the chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar, ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time."
From the basilica: "O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin."
that lead me down a rabbit hole of obscene ancient Roman graffiti such as the following:
Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.
Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they ever have before!
Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog
Apollinaris, the doctor of the emperor Titus, defecated well here
Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates
I was fucking with the bartender
Secundus likes to screw boys
Cruel Lalagus, why do you not love me?
I made bread on April 19th
Gaius Sabinus says a fond hello to Statius. Traveler, you eat bread in Pompeii but you go to Nuceria to drink. At Nuceria, the drinking is better
Anyone who wants to defecate in this place is advised to move along. If you act contrary to this warning, you will have to pay a penalty. Children must pay [number missing] silver coins. Slaves will be beaten on their behinds.
Epaphra doesn’t play football well
You can ride your maid whenever you want. It’s your right
Pyrrhus to his colleague Chius: I grieve because I hear you have died; and so farewell
O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin
My lusty son, with how many women have you had sexual relations?
If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii.
Samius to Cornelius: go hang yourself!
If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend
To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy
We have wet the bed, host. I confess we have done wrong. If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot
What a lot of tricks you use to deceive, innkeeper. You sell water but drink unmixed wine
The finance officer of the emperor Nero says the food here is poison
Gaius was here – the oldest graffiti, dated 78 BCE; found in Pompeii.
Vote for Isidorus for aedile, he licks cunts the best
i fucking love human beings.
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