Bog Baby

I’m the bruise you get on the yellow slide in an elementary school.

[bonelesstoefu]

I guess this is my online diary,

Dear diary, I feel really alone all over again and everyone is going to leave me if I keep acting like this. I texted my ex boyfriend because ofc I did, and he basically told me to watch bojack horseman to fix myself. I wish I could just go back to the hospital tbh

[bonelesstoefu]

I wish I could only live off alcohol weed a d spaghetti

[bonelesstoefu]

Oof depression be like *slef harm temptation*

[bonelesstoefu]

I want to kiss her in a soft meadow in spring time when the flowers bloom and the sunshine’s

Down on her I see the reflection of goddess and ruler, the space between us becomes crueler

[bonelesstoefu]

My heart feels empty and broken, like I’m standing over a black hole and I’m about to drop. I don’t any of my friends like me anymore, I feel like relapsing and it’s scaring me a lot. I wanna disappear for a while and just blow ohs with the blue caterpillar that sits atop a mushroom throne

[bonelesstoefu]

You ever randomly wanna kill yourself bc your body lets you down over and over again

[bonelesstoefu]

I was really proud of my first attempt at this 60’s inspired updo.

I don’t feel like I can be myself right now and it’s killing me. I had to be alone for a second. I feel like I can’t even write down how I feel because I feel like I must be the problem, I’m the one making all the wrong choices. Isolation is comforting at times

[bonelesstoefu]

So my crush has a gf and I’m very sad, I’m just glad that I didn’t try to hit on him in person, to then be rejected. Ugh I had a feeling he was taken, hes cute, educated, tall, makes good money. Why do I catch feelings for only the unattainable. I just feel like trying to be in a relationship is idealistic. I just wanted him to be the guy but I guess I’m glad he’s not. I cannot get attached to any of these people. Idk I just have that hurt that I have to talk myself down from all the time

[bonelesstoefu]

So there’s this guy I like and he works at the dispo I frequent. Last time I went and he was working, he waved at me and said hi and see you next time. This time he served me and he helped me get a pretty good deal AGAIN. And He had a pornstache at some point (I’m def not mad) and we always make a lot of eye contact when we talk. I want to go out with this man. I will make that shit happen. I will give him my number the next time I see him.

ALL HAIL HOT GIRL SUMMER

[bonelesstoefu]

When your ex is a fucking douchebag and you go to a party and you talk about him and you cry. Then he feels the need to be petty about it within a group chat. I just wanted him to be a good fucking boyfriend that’s all. It hurts to think about because I’ve moved on, but I’m still healing from the heartbreak. I just wanted him to be who I thought he was

[bonelesstoefu]

Anyway I’m starting an onlyfans I’m thinking of wearing a wig and a balaclava bc not that many people know I have tattoos

[bonelesstoefu]

Ewwwwwww I miss my ex boyfriend, I would never go back to him, I just deleted all our photos today and I wish he wasn’t such a fuckin prick. I just hope I find a love so much better than that. I’m just hooking up rn, tbh I would have rather spent my family reunion time at my house with an open pad, my mom even said I could have a party if I wanted to

[bonelesstoefu]

Whenever I fuck up I just kind of spiral

I had a dumb moment where I forgot I had to drive my car to the shop this morning. I for some stupid reason thought it was a good idea to say I was busy that morning when my dad asked me about it. And I told them I was stoned, I probably should have just shut the fuck up. I guess I was just being honest and I forget that parents don’t like some shit I do. I just think I want to live alone so when I smoke no one will give a fuck and it will save me so much stress.

I don’t want to live here anymore, I feel like once I move out I’ll be more aware of my priorities and not rely on my parents.

My chest just sinks and I just feel like something is wrong in my brain. Like I just want to be able to remember things and actually understand what people are saying the first time they say it to me. I know my inner critic is bad I just want it to go away, my life would be so much easier.d

[bonelesstoefu]

I wanted to go to a show so badly tonight but I felt weird about it and starting crying while driving and I melted all my makeup off that I spent so much time on and I just kinda wanted to hurt myself and I was like “I should not be driving”

[bonelesstoefu]

It’s really fun when someone drunkenly explains why my depression isn’t that bad and my problems are miniscule compared to his. Then continuously telling me that I don’t understand. my depression is chemical and I had a pretty good childhood, but my internal struggle got more and more difficult because I went through 2 really shitty exes and it’s been a couple months now and I still think about suicide sometimes. This guy also told me that I can’t just say I want to die, if it’s not a joke.. like I’m just being honest. He says he doesn’t know how to talk about emotions then turns around and minimizes my depression because he doesn’t get why I’m depressed if my life is so good. I hate when people assume they know everything about what I’m going through then come at me with some bullshit like “actually depressed people don’t talk about their problems” NO THATS JUST YOU, ONE OF US IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO GET BETTER YOU IGNORANT FUCK IF I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT ID ALREADY BE FUCKING DEAD

[bonelesstoefu]

I loved today >3<

[bonelesstoefu]

So my ex was like “yeah I only begged you to take me back because I was lonely” now he’s free of me I guess, I went to the psych ward bc I wanted to kill myself and the last thing he said was “I love you too hope this helps”