it was raining lightly when you first stepped out onto the pitch, and katie’s usual firm hand on your shoulder served as a reminder to be careful.
you shrug it off easily, taking your position.
the whistle blows, game on.
it took you 17 seconds to have possession of the ball and 18 for you to be laying on the ground. luckily, you'd managed to pass it to vic as you went down, but she unfortunately lost possession not long after.
you ignore the multiple hands offering you help and stand up yourself, waving at the fans as they cheered. you were a bit embarrassed, as you were sure that was the fastest tackle ever.
you notice the girl who knocked you over smiling smugly, and you know you're in for an absolute treat this game.
—
not even 20 minutes into the match it was clear that you were being targeted. you had been marked by multiple people at all times, and 2 players had already been awarded yellow cards for fouling you. you'd given your 2 free kicks to kim, hoping it would remove the target off you back (spoiler: it didn't).
katie had earned herself a yellow after you'd gone down for the 7th time, this time with you struggling to stand up on your throbbing ankle. she pushed the defender that had dirty tackled you until caitlin had to drag her away, the referee already showing a yellow card in her direction.
still, you'd managed to score a goal in the 21st minute, immediately tasting dirt right after your foot chipped the ball into the top left corner.
you groaned, feeling frustrated. you could hear leah's shouts from across the pitch, telling the ref that you were clearly being targeted and it wasn't fair.
viv's hand appears before you, and you gladly let her pull you up to your feet.
"i'm sick of this." you mumble into her chest as she brings you into a quick embrace.
"you're doing the best with what you've got, schatje." she squeezes your shoulders gently before releasing you.
you still feel like there's something more you could do.
—
during half-time, almost every team member had checked you over for a serious injury and cleared you to continue (like the true medical professionals they were). kim was hesitant, though, and you knew from the way leah was watching from afar that she had put the captain up to this. you discreetly flip her off behind kim's back.
the scottish woman sighs, running a hand down her face in frustration. "you stay the hell away from all the defenders, even if it means staying away from the ball. if you go down hard again, i don't care if i have to drag you kicking and screaming off the pitch myself, you're being subbed off."
you smile cheekily. "didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff, kimster.”
her hand smacks the back of your head and you a yelp out a ‘that's child abuse!’ but she doesn’t seem to care.
"i’m serious, kid.” she glares, looking like she was about to say more but your reprieve comes in the form of katie, who drags you to the corner of the changing room, tugging you close.
"why do you let them do that to ya?" she asks quietly, looking concerned as her eyes bore into yours.
you scoff, still feeling angry from the beatings you'd taken on the pitch so far. "oh, yeah because i let them do it." you throw your arms up in frustration, narrowly missing katie's chin, "i begged for it, actually! can you not see the target on my back or does it blend into my jersey too much?"
katie frowns, grabbing your shoulder and tugging your body closer as she leans down so nobody could hear what she was about to say.
"listen, kid, if someone fouls you again, i want you to grab 'em like this." she grabs the bottom of your jersey pointedly. "and do this." she promptly tugs it over your head, leaving you with your stomach showing and your face covered with the red shirt. "and then punch them in the nose or-"
"oi!" leah's voice shouts from across the room, and you quickly pull your jersey back down. "leave the baby alone, she's having a rough go of it as it is." she points sternly at katie, before turning back to kim and their conversation (which you would bet your life savings was about you).
katie smiles, looking at you happily. "consider it." with that, she pats your shoulder softly before walking away.
—
you decide to ignore the advice of katie mccard, deciding to be the bigger person and continue getting up from the ground without a fuss.
that's until your ankles are taken out from under you again, the heavy body of the opposing team's midfielder landing on you with no remorse.
she mumbles a half-assed apology, smug smirk on her face as she stands up.
she starts walking away, leaving you on the ground, when suddenly you're on your feet and your hand is pulling her shoulder back with a loud 'oi!' (you'd been spending too much time with leah, clearly).
the girl looks down at you with a mocking smile, opening her mouth to say something (presumably) condescending when suddenly her jersery was in her face and her legs had been swept out from under her.
—
you accepted the yellow card - the first one in your short career - with nothing more than a 'what can you do' shrug and little smile.
you can feel the questioning eyes of your teammates, but you ignore them, focusing too much on not limping.
your ankle was really starting to hurt now, and if you knew better you'd sub off, like kim said.
you don't.
the game continues, with katie's voice teasing you for getting a yellow every time she passes you, and you manage to score another goal and get knocked over a few more times before it finally happens.
you were dirty tackled, again, the opposing team's striker landing on your ankle with a sickening crunch.
this being probably the 50th time you'd been forced down to the ground, your teammates continue on with the game, knowing you'd be back on your feet in no time.
but this time you didn't, and they knew something was wrong.
you were sat up, holding your ankle with a pained expression on your face and a whimper dying down in the back of your throat.
steph was the first one by your side before the whistle had even blown, grabbing your face and forcing you to look at her instead of your weirdly shaped ankle. she gently wipes the tears from your cheeks with her thumbs as some of the team run over followed closely by the medics.
"y/n!" leah crouches down beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "fuckin' hell, kid." she whispers, looking at your ankle, which was now being carefully examined by a medic as he talks quietly to steph and lotte, who were both holding your hands gently.
you whimper, both at leah's words and the cold touch of the medic's hand on your swollen ankle.
"it's okay, pea." leah tucks your head into her shoulder protectively, kissing your temple. "you're gonna be okay."
"it hurts, le." you choke, and she swallows the lump at the back of her throat at the pain in your voice.
"i know, sweetheart." she whispers, her lips on your hairline. "but they're gonna make it all better, okay? don't think about it, just focus on something else."
you force your mind away from the crowd around you, and you strain your ears to hear anything but your own heartbeat. you can faintly hear an angry irish accent and a quieter scottish one as katie and kim argue with the ref - katie demanding she give the other player a red otherwise she was 'fucking blind and should be fired.'
you'd laugh if you weren't holding in a sob. you bury your head further into leah as the medic talks, focusing on her steady heartbeat instead of your own erratic one.
"it's definitely broken, we're gonna have to take her to the hospital."
"the game's not over yet." you pick your head up to look at the medic, your eyes teary. "i have to stay 'til the end."
he looks at you incredulously, but leah beats him to the punch.
"no. you're gonna get your arse into the ambulance and you're gonna get an x-ray and whatever else, and then you're gonna wait in a stupid hospital bed until we get there. that's an order."
you groan, tucking your head back underneath her chin. "buzzkill."
the rest of the team quickly join you, all asking if you're okay and complaining about how unfair the whole game had been.
"we're still up 4-3." you smile weakly at them. "win for me, yeah?"
lessi's hand comes down to pat your shoulder softly, "hell yeah we will."
"alright," leah says, standing up and offering you her hand, "let's get you up."
"unless you want a stretcher?" the medic asks, looking entirely unsure about you walking off the pitch. "you're going to want a stretcher or something, i highly recommend being carried-"
you ignore him, pointedly accepting leah's hand to pull you up and sparing him a glance when you stand easily.
you had both your sides immediately flanked, and you made sure not to put any weight on your right foot as you make your way off the pitch to the crowd's cheers and claps.
"alright, now go win." you shoo the team away as you reach the tunnel.
—
you'd been put in ambulance soon after, immediately doped up on morphine. hospital x-rays confirmed that your ankle was, in fact, broken, and you were immediately carted off to the theatre to have surgery. you'd tried to fight to doctors and nurses off, mumbling about how you had to wait for the game to be over, before the mask was placed over your face and you were promptly knocked out.
—
when you wake up from surgery, the doctor is there and tells you everything you need to know about recovery and asks about your parents, but you're still pretty doped up and you fall back to sleep quickly (definitely just because you were tired, not so you could avoid the topic about your family again).
you wake up the second time feeling a heavy weight on your right foot and both your hands.
you tiredly blink your eyes open to see the entire team scattered around your room, quietly talking amongst themselves and watching the tv opposite your bed.
leah was on your left, holding your hand as she talks across the bed to alessia, who was holding your right hand. katie was in a chair beside lessi, leaning her head on her hand as her elbow was beside your legs on the bed.
you groan at the bright lights, causing everyone to turn to you simultaneously to see your eyes open.
"did we win?" are the first words out of your mouth as you adjust to the light.
"aye, cough it up." jen grins, turning to steph smugly. the australian grumbles, pulling out a £20 note from her pocket and slapping it into the woman's waiting hand.
"you bet on when she'd wake up?" leah asks incredulously.
"no, we bet on what she'd say first." jen shrugs.
"i had £20 on asking who died." steph pouts.
"i better get half of that." you say groggily, nodding towards the money that jen holds up happily.
"you can have it all, kid. i'm just glad you're okay."
everyone agrees quietly, and you spend the next half an hour talking to everyone and laughing as they congratulate you on your first proper injury on the team and first ever yellow card.
"she's my little prodigy now." katie grins, pinching your cheeks proudly. "we're aiming for a red card next match, aren't we, mini me?"
"you bet." you smile softly. then you remember something, "has someone called my parents? they don't watch my games and they'd be pretty mad if i turned up with a broken ankle out of nowhere..."
"i called them after the match," leah says quietly, frowning at the thought of your parents and the memory of the way they dismissed your injury easily over the phone. "they had to give their permission for your surgery but they aren't coming. i'm sorry, kid."
you nod, knowing you'd have a lot of angry missed calls when you turned your phone back on.
" 's okay. thanks anyway, le." your voice is quiet, and the team all share a look.
it had been a few months since you opened up about your family, and they had all become more protective over you and had extended many offers of sleepovers so you wouldn't have to see them as much. you were pretty much no contact with them at this point (not that they seemed to notice) and you'd been doing okay with it all, but now in your vulnerable state you looked defeated at the thought of them not caring about you.
"when are you gonna be cleared to play, kiddo?" beth asks from her space on the sofa near the door.
"dunno, but recovery time is 6-12 weeks, so i say like 3 months give or take." you shrug, focusing your mind on something other than your shitty parents.
"and when can you start walking?" viv asks, looking sympathetic.
"whenever, but i'll have a cast and crutches for 8 weeks." you say, pouting.
"hey, no pouting." leah pokes your lips teasingly, "you get to stay with me while you're recovering."
they'd had a long debate about who you should stay with, knowing for certain that they didn't want you in your parents' house for your recovery. both katie and steph were adamant that you come home with one of them, but neither of them had an extra bedroom. beth, viv, kim, and lia had all campaigned for custody of you too, but were eventually overruled in favour of leah. leah had a spare room and was practically crying while trying to explain to them that you were like her sister and you had to stay with her. nobody had the heart to say no.
the blonde smiles at you, waiting for you to be happy about that news, but instead you groan.
"oi! what's wrong with living with me? i'm a delight!" she pokes your cheek.
"i can't live off ham sandwiches and chicken nuggets for 12 weeks!" you whine, turning your pout towards alessia. "lessi, tell her 'm not staying with her."
alessia laughs, poking your other cheek. "sorry, pipsqueak, she's already decided."
"well she's not the boss! kimmy," you turn to the captain with your pout. "tell her!"
kim laughs, shaking her head. "vice captain's orders."
you whine again, crossing your arms. " 's so not fair."
"i'll pretend not to be offended by this." leah's voice comes from beside you, but you don't look at her. "c'mon, kid! we'll have so much fun!"
"will you feed me real food?" you ask quietly, turning to her.
"sandwiches are real food!"
"i'm gonna waste away; i am not eating unseasoned food for 3 months." you whine.
"you live in spain for 2 years and suddenly you're too good for a ham sandwich." leah rolls her eyes, arms still crossed.
"i've always been too good for ham sandwiches. even in primary school i got fed better than that." you whine. "you eat like a prisoner of war, i can't stand it."
"well, you've plenty of time to get used to it."
you groan again.
—
about an hour later, you're being discharged. everyone had slowly started dropping off and saying their goodbyes, wishing you a speedy recovery and promising to drop in every day to see you. kim made you promise to focus on recovery and nothing else, but kyra slipped you a £10 note with the condition that you annoy leah as much as possible so that was your main priority if anything. beth and viv had lingered the longest, not wanting to leave when you were clearly in your head about the injury, but eventually they had to go too.
so then it was just you and leah, ready to go home.
you're wheeled to her car by a nurse, and leah helps you transfer from the chair into the passenger seat, leaning over to buckle you in. your crutches were already laid out in the backseat, along with your kitbag and cleats.
"i can do it myself, you know." you mumble, feeling embarrassed as the nurse watches leah baby you.
"don't care." leah shrugs, patting your head and closing the door. she talks to the nurse for a moment, accepting a pamphlet about your recovery, before waving goodbye to her and finally climbing into the driver's seat. "we're gonna go to yours to get your stuff and then straight to mine, okay?" she says, not really asking, as she starts the car.
"okay, bossy boots." you mutter, looking out the passenger window.
"well you're just a ray of sunshine, aren't you?" leah teases, pulling out of the car park.
"my ankle's in a fucking boot, leah." you grumble. "what do you expect?"
"oi." she warns, looking over at you sternly. "less of the language, yeah? you’re a kid, you shouldn’t be talking like that.”
you sigh, looking out at the window as leah makes the short drive to your parents house. she turns on the radio and hums along, glancing at your frowning face every now and then.
"alright, wait here." she says when she parks, rushing out of her seat and walking around to your side.
leah opens the back door first, grabbing your crutches. then she opens the passenger and helps you out of your seat and into a standing position with the crutches.
"you good?"
you nod, slowly making your way to your front door, leah beside you. she unlocks the door with your key and opens it for you.
your parents aren't home and you don't dwell on how much that actually hurts as leah guides you up the stairs slowly, making a big fuss every time you wince.
there's not much in your bedroom seeing as you're rarely ever there, and leah tasks you with choosing clothes as she collects other bits and bobs around the house that you would need like your charger, your teddy bear, random snacks you’ve hidden, your laptop, etc.
it's a relatively quick and easy process because leah says she can always bring you back if you forget something so you're not too stressed about what to bring. your suitcase is packed quickly and placed in the boot of leah's car.
you're (once again) buckled in by leah and she begins the drive to her's.
"leah, have i ever told you how much i love and appreciate you?”
"we're not stopping at mcdonald's."
"bullshit!"
"less of the language, yeah? or i'll ground you again."
"you're evil. satan's right-hand man." you grumble, pouting out the window.
leah doesn't care, simply turning up the radio and singing obnoxiously in your ear as you pretend to hate the song.
—
the second you got to her’s, leah insisted on treating you like you were dying, immediately banishing you to the spare bed as if you'd broken your back, not your ankle.
"leah, i said i'm fine!" you groaned loudly, smacking away the woman's hands as she attempted to tuck you in further. "kyra was right, you do smother me." you grumble, wrestling with the blankets as you sit up.
"you need to rest, pea! please." the blonde sent you a firm look as you huffed but allowed her to continue. "stop the pouting."
“why are you doing this?" you whine, throwing yourself back into the pillows.
"because, kiddo, i care about you." the blonde smiled, bending down and pressing a kiss to your forehead, smoothing your hair out of your face before fluffing the cushion underneath your ankle for the 8th time.
"well can you care less? please? for the sake of my sanity?"
"nope. you're the baby, just accept it."
"i'm 16!"
"practically a newborn." she teases, "now, wait here while i nip to the shop for some snacks for us, alright?”
"not like i can move anywhere with how tight you've tucked me in." you grumble, crossing your arms over your chest stubbornly.
leah simply grins and walks out, and you reach over to your phone (after a brief fight with the blanket) and you cheer when you finally get it.
you turn it on and immediately regret it when you see all the notifications. there were lots from social media, the videos of your injury having been up for hours now. there were plenty of missed calls from your parents, the barcelona girls, and some of your school friends. you ignore the messages, too, and immediately call alexia.
alexia putellas had become somewhat of a mother figure to you when you were 13 - when your dad's job had uprooted your life and you had moved to barcelona. you were sad to leave the arsenal academy, but barcelona’s youth team had accepted you easily and you often trained with the senior team too. they had taken you under their wing lovingly and even now, after almost a year since your move back to london, alexia remained a constant figure in your life, unknowingly competing with leah as the most over-protective.
alexia picks up after the first ring, and you have half a mind to tell her to get a life.
"pequeña, are you okay? how bad is it? twitter said a broken ankle but it looked like you hit your head pretty hard too. i can buy a ticket a be there by tomorrow night if-“
"ale?" you interrupt quietly.
"sí? what?"
"i'm okay." she breathes a loud sigh of relief down the phone, and you feel yourself missing her plenty. visiting every summer for a week didn't feel like enough with how much you missed spain and the people you left there. "you don't need to come; leah's got me locked up like rapunzel and she's practically become my around-the-clock nurse."
"so you are okay?"
"i'm okay."
"...you're sure?" she double checks, and you briefly wonder how long this is going to take.
"100%"
"because if you're not-"
"i am. i swear, i'd tell you if i wasn't."
"...okay." she relents, "but you are still coming to visit this summer, aren't you? because mapi missed you last time and she'd kill us both if you didn't come."
"yeah, i should be okay by then."
"good.” it’s quiet for a moment before she seems to remember something. “now, rest. you must sleep and stay in bed! no walking around, no moving your ankle, no-“
"aye aye, captain.” you hang up with a smile, and toss your phone down the bed.
you watch as it lights up over and over again, presumably with texts scolding you for the abrupt hang up and lectures on manners and phone call etiquette.
—
leah comes back from the shop not even 5 minutes later with her arms full of snacks that would send your nutritionist into an early grave, and you suppress a smug smile when she lets you pick a movie, knowing usually at team bonding nights you were forbidden control over the remote after the tusk incident (it seemed not everybody appreciated your idea of a ‘funny movie’ and you were strictly banned from giving your film input from that day on).
leah’s careful when she lays in the double bed beside you, but that doesn’t stop her from shoving your shoulder or slapping her hand over your mouth every time you say something insulting about either her or a character on screen (you couldn’t wait to tell kyra all about it, knowing your mission was going smoothly).
it’s only after she replaces the ice-pack on your cast for the 3rd time and gives you a painkiller when it’s an appropriate time for one do you look at her softly.
"hey, le?" your murmur, watching as she reads the post-op instructions for the 6th time in the last 10 minutes because ‘i dont want to be the one responsible for putting baby arsenal out of commission.'
“yeah?" she hums absentmindedly, flipping the leaflet over.
“thank you."
she looks up, placing the back of her hand against your forehead.
“are you sick? did i give you the right dosage? have you-“
“oh, shove off, williamson! i’m trying to be grateful here!”
she rolls her eyes, but pulls her hand back anyway and looks at you expectantly.
“as i was saying, thank you, leah, for letting me stay here.”
“you don't have to thank me, kid-"
“i do.” you interrupt with a glare that leah had seen many times on her own face. “you don't have to do all this for me, but you do anyway. and i know i'm not good at being honest about my feelings but...i appreciate you and even though you’re literally the worst person ever, and you’re very annoying, and you treat me like i’m 10…i really do love you.”
"oh, pea, you're gonna make me cry!" she’s suddenly pulling you into a hug, and you roll eyes at her dramatics as you pretend not to melt into her sisterly embrace.
“okay, shut up now, and don’t tell anyone about this. i have a reputation to uphold, remember?”
“i’m telling everyone!” you groan loudly, trying to shove her away but she doesn’t let go. “i can’t believe it! you, the epitome of teenage angst, admitting that you love me and even saying i’m your favourite!”
“oi, now you’re just putting words in my mouth!”
this was going to be a long recovery…
(not that you minded).
—
5 weeks later
“oh, come on," leah laughs, an arm over your shoulder as you practically stomp (as best as you can with your injured ankle) through the car park, "are you really being this moody so early in the morning?"
“maybe if you didn't wake me up at the crack arse of dawn to come to training with you even though i'm not needed for physio until 12, i'd be happier!" you glare.
“c’mon, kid, you can’t hate me - i took you to golf yesterday! wasn’t that fun?” she pokes your cheek teasingly.
“it would’ve been if you let me stand for more than 5 minutes at a time!” you roll your eyes and knock your shoulder against hers as you slipped into the locker room.
thankfully, you had a respite from her, sandwiched between lessi and the wall as you sit on the bench with a huff.
"how goes the recovery, kiddo?" alessia asks softly, lacing up her boots.
"long.” you sigh. “physio takes forever and jonas is constantly on my ass about getting proper rest.” you glance over at leah as she enters as goes to her cubby. “and leah’s being a pain."
"nothing new, then." lessi snorts, and you laugh, agreeing.
"oi!" leah's offended tone carries through the room. "i'm so kindly housing you-"
"against my will!"
"-and i still get treated like a second class citizen!"
" 'cause that's what you are." you poke your tongue out at her, causing lessi to high five you happily.
"should've left you at home." leah grumbles, lacing her cleats quickly.
"yeah, you should've.” you huff, crossing your arms.
“hey, speaking of…” steph cuts in, sliding onto the bench beside you as alessia gets up. “have your parents said anything about wanting you to come back yet?”
“i doubt they’ve even noticed i left.” you scoff, “and besides, leah’s practically holding me hostage. said i’m not allowed to leave.”
“oh, i bet you’re loving that.” she snickers, throwing her arm over your shoulder and pulling you closer.
“please save me, steph. there’s only so many potato smileys i can handle.” you groan, burying yourself further into her. “viv and beth keep dropping off homemade meals because they feel bad for me, but it’s not enough. i need to be free.” you whine dramatically, causing leah to glance over with an offended look on her face.
“are you shit talking my cooking again?!” she points an accusatory finger at you.
“no?” you smile innocently, using steph as a partial shield from the blonde’s glare.
“you’re such a little shit!” leah groans, “and i can’t even beat you up because you’re hurt.” she rolls her eyes.
“how devastating.” you grin, allowing steph to pull you up gently so you can watch from the sidelines as they train. “hey, steffy, can you-“
“yes, i’ll make sure to trip her up.” steph assures you with a smile as she guides you towards the pitch.
“and can-“
“yes, i’ll get kyra to be extra annoying.”
“and-“
“and caitlin’s already promised to be as aggressive as possible to her.”
“you aussies are always so good to me.” you grin, “bullying leah for me when i’m incapacitated…i appreciate you guys.” you pat her shoulder gently.
“only because you bribed us.” you raise an eyebrow at her words. “…and because we love you.”
“and don’t you forget it.”
—
when you were finally cleared to be back on the pitch, beth and viv insisted on hosting a small get-together with the team at their place.
it starts off easily with a chinese takeout and everyone (except you) is drinking quite a bit before most of them are tipsy enough to suggest playing just dance.
you simply sit back and observe, sipping the orange juice katie had given you with a wink that suggested it was more than that, until kyra is dragging you into being her dance partner for rasputin.
"kyra, have you ever considered the fact that you have no rhythm whatsoever?"
“whoa, when did the baby get so mean?" she places a hand over her heart in faux-offence, looking around for someone to agree.
"about two drinks ago." you shove her lightly, making her stumble into laura.
“wait a minute, you've been drinking?" leah's accusatory voice comes from behind you, and she picks up your almost-empty cup and sniffs it. "katie!" she whirls to the irishwoman. "you spiked the baby!"
"did not!”
"oh, yeah? you're the one who gave her the juice!"
"you're the one who poured it!"
"from the carton! you spiked it before you gave it to her!"
"proof?"
"look at her!" she points in the direction where you and kyra are giggling while attempting to dance, tripping over your own feet and falling into each other.
"looks fine to me." katie shrugs nonchalantly, sipping her drink.
—
1 month back on pitch
beth stands over you as you sit on the grass before her and viv, eyeing your boots. "i told leah to get you new boots 2 weeks ago! these ones are practically falling apart — i can see your toes!”
you (for once) try to defend leah, "we've been busy!"
"doing what? oh, yeah, golf." she scoffs, rolling her eyes.
"i'll have you know i'm a natural at golf!" you puff out your chest happily.
viv snorts, "oh yeah, says who?”
"leah.”
"very credible." she teases.
"you're mean today." you grumble. "wake up on the wrong side of the bed, miedema?"
"at least i've got my own bed to wake up in, aren't you still living at leah's?"
"i'm being held captive, viv. you're supposed to save me, not make fun of me!”
leah appears out of nowhere, pulling you to your feet. “stop trying to steal the kid from me.” she throws a glare towards the couple.
“it’s not stealing if she’s begging to be set free.” viv points out wisely.
“you what?” leah looks down at you with a frown. “kid, i thought we were bonding!”
“we are! i just miss proper meals.”
“wally brings you dinner every saturday!" she reminds you, and then begins listing all your other weekly meals to prove her point. "and kim cooks for us every wednesday, stina takes you out for lunch almost every monday, lessi brings pizza every other tuesday… you get proper meals!”
you sigh, knowing that was true. “well-“
“well nothing! you’re stuck with me forever and if i find out you’re passing sos messages to jonas again, i’ll kill you myself!”
“oh, because that makes me want to stay!”
leah rolls her eyes, “well, what will?”
you glance over at viv and beth, who are watching with amused smiles, before turning back to leah with your proposition.
how could you be so fine? so unphased? so happy? how could you be moving on so fast when she hadn't stopped thinking about you for a single second since that day?
every day since that day was hell on earth for leah williamson.
waking up was a chore, getting out of bed was a workout, leaving the house was torture, and going to the training grounds was all those things at once because you weren't there.
she supposed it's her fault, though. that you're not there anymore.
she broke your heart.
//
it wasn't supposed to end like this.
it wasn’t supposed to end at all.
she hates the way the final words left her mouth easily, even though she'd never been a good liar in her entire life.
she hates the way they leave a bitter taste in her mouth, knowing they were anything but sweet.
she hates the way she can see your heart break as she tells you she doesn't love you. the way your face falls and your eyes fill with tears.
it almost makes her take it all back.
almost.
but she knows she can't.
she loves you more than the moon loves the sun, more than the bees love the flowers, more than orpheus loves eurydice. she loves you so much that it scares the hell out of her.
which is why she had to stop it.
she had to end it before she got used to the feeling of your hips beneath her hands, before she starting craving your gentle kisses, before she began to fall deeper in love with you. before it was too late.
so she lies.
she tells you it was all a bit of fun, she says you that you mean nothing to her, she tells you she doesn't love you.
and you listen.
you listen to the words of someone you would've died before hurting. you listen to the unshaken voice of someone who doesn't love you. you listen to the metaphorical nail in the coffin of your relationship with leah williamson.
and then you leave.
you turn on your heel and you’re out of the door before she can break your heart even further, feeling the weight of your unreciprocated love crush your chest as you flee down the front steps and away from her house for the last time.
your contract doesn't get renewed that summer, your flat gets put up for sale, and before you know it you're on a plane to barcelona.
you knew the announcement was coming that day. you'd already turned off your phone and settled for your laptop, watching some trashy rom-com that has you hoping that leah is at an airport trying to get to you.
you know better, though. she won't come.
she doesn't love you.
except she does.
she loves you so much that there's not much else to do but cry into her mother's arms as she reads the social media posts announcing your departure from arsenal and your new 4 year contract with barcelona.
she loves you so much that she settles for a simple 'happy for you, gooner' even though she doesn't mean it in the slightest.
//
now, almost a year later (281 days, but who's counting?) leah watches the tv as you accept the well-deserved ballon d'or.
alexia was in the crowd beside you, immediately hugging you tight and kissing your head as your name is called, and leah feels the familiar green monster bubbling in her stomach.
she doesn't have the right to feel jealous, not anymore, but it's what she had been feeling almost everyday since your move to barça. her days without you consisted of obsessively checking the entire team's social media for glimpses of you. she finds them, and it's to her dismay that a certain spanish captain happened to always be beside you.
a goal celebration? alexia's hands are under your thighs as you jump into her arms. a post-match interview? alexia has an arm thrown over your shoulder as she leans down to whisper jokes in your ear. team movie nights documented by various instagram stories? alexia's shoulder is your pillow. a party in a random bar shown through various accounts? alexia's hands are on your waist and your back is pressed to her front. it's raining before a match? alexia's jacket is zipped over your body. your boots become untied at half-time? alexia is on one knee in-front you fixing them.
every photo, every video, every interaction with the barça team consists of alexia touching you somehow.
but it's your reactions that hurt leah the most.
the way you throw your arms around alexia easily when either one of you score. the way you giggle happily when she whispers in your ear. the way you relax into her shoulder like it was made for you. the way you lean back into her in a bar like second nature. the way you snuggle into the warmth of alexia's jacket with cheeks red from more than just the cold. the way you gently fix her hair for her while she ties your shoes, your hands in her hair while hers are on your boots.
and worst of all, it's the eyes.
leah remembers the days your eyes shined when you looked at her. she dreams of the times when they would crinkle as she made a joke. she cries when she remembers the way your eyes would follow her wherever she went. her heart breaks when she remembers the love and adoration you once looked at her with, and how now that look is reserved for someone else.
you love alexia, and leah loves you.
it was so easy loving you, why had she run away from it? leah loves you the same way she breathes - unintentionally, unconditionally, and necessary for survival.
because why would she wake up each morning if not for the false hope of you being beside her? why would she leave her bed without the dreamed sounds of you making breakfast in the kitchen? why would she leave the house if not for the far-away thought that you're waiting in the car? why would she go to training if not for the off-chance that you're there?
you consume her life even from an entirely different country.
it's so easy loving you.
alexia would know.
loving you is like falling asleep. it's inevitable in the way that it will always happen, no matter how much alexia tries to resist. it's comforting in the way that it's routine, and she knows she'll wake up tomorrow and love you all the same. it's soft in the way that she uses it to escape, because why care about anything else when she has you?
the blanket of love alexia has wrapped you in is warm, not suffocating. and like a child who protests bed time, you initially shy away from it before eventually relaxing into its comfort and allowing it to consume you, trusting that it will still be there when the sun rises.
because alexia is always there.
//
you're not supposed to fall in love with your captain.
you're not supposed to fall in love with anybody.
not when it's leah you still want. when leah's face is the last you want to see before you fall asleep. when her name is the only one that makes your heart race so fast that you're scared it will take off. when her voice surrounds you even when you're miles away and nobody's talking.
slowly but surely, you begin to heal.
you don't forget, and you certainly don't stop loving leah, but you forgive.
you forgive her for breaking your heart because you know alexia is hell-bent on meticulously gluing it back together with gentle hands. it won't look the same, might not even beat the same, but your heart will love nonetheless.
and it will definitely race for the captain who had seamlessly fitted herself into your life like she had always been there.
when had you started reaching your hand out for her own before a match? when had your eyes began automatically searching for hers in a crowded room? when did your body become so accustomed to her touch that you find yourself craving it when she's not there?
you're not sure, but you're grateful nonetheless.
you think that maybe it's okay to fall in love again, maybe you deserve happiness after so much pain. and maybe it's okay to fall in love with alexia, someone who is willing to do anything to prove you deserve to love and to be loved back.
you think that maybe while she was fixing your heart, she wiggled her way into it and sealed it behind her.
you don't think about the fact that you love her, and you don't even say it when you first realise. you simply bury your head further into her chest and fall asleep as her hand strokes mindless patterns on your back.
and when you wake up the next morning, you don't have to utter the three words and neither does she.
because you know.
because there's a plate of breakfast waiting for you on the table, beside the drink that she knows you like so much. you don't have to announce it to the team, because you pass her a bottle of water before she even knows she needs it, and she gives half to you when you look particularly exhausted. you don't have to announce it to the world, because her hand linked in yours pulls you through the streets of barcelona and you tell her your best jokes as she gives you a tour.
your love shines through your actions, through the sweet gestures and loving stares, through the framed pictures and soft embraces.
and when you do finally say the words, it's as if you had been saying them your entire life. they fall from your lips easily, and she kisses you before you can say anything else. she echoes the words against your mouth so softly that you don't know if you said it again or if it was her.
either way, you know she feels the same.
and you know you'll say it a million times more, never getting sick of saying the truth.
you love her.
//
loving alexia is easy.
—
anyway
idk what this is and it’s definitely not my usual song and dance so let me know what you think :)
liked by arsenalwfc, laura_wienroither, and 30,582 others
y/n: Three points for the Arsenal!😁
view all 23,684 comments…
stephcatley: you could at least try to post like y/n😂
gooner_yasmin: admin i’m being so serious give her back her account rn wtf is this😭
> mcfoordstan15: nah we gotta boycott arsenal’s social media because this is unforgivable😭 y/n would never
mattressthecat: ❤️❤️
> williamsonsfc: NOO THEY GOT MATTRESS’ ACCOUNT TOO😭😭
> estre11a77: THEY HIT THE PENTAGON😭😭
katie_mccabe15: is this…peace? is this tranquility?
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard: i do still have a finsta you know😒
> katie_mccabe15: i’m snitching
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard: NOOOO
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard: Great game, everyone!😁
> foordyyy: NAHH they got her finsta too😭😭
> wosowosowoso: katie mccabe you are public enemy number 1😡
> foordyyy: number 2*, jonas is number 1🤺
alexiaputellas: estrella have you finally been media trained?
> asisat_oshoala: look at twitter😭
> alexiaputellas: oh
> alexiaputellas: thank god🙏 her reign of terror is finally over
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard2: ale what the hell
> katie_mccabe15: snitching again
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard2: KATIE ISTG
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard2: Lots of love to La Reina❤️
> katie_mccabe15: i love it here😁
leahwilliamson: i hate to admit it but…i miss her
> liawaelti: she’s still alive you know🙄
> leahwilliamson: only in person😖
> bethmead_: that’s not enough for you?!?
> leahwilliamson: sue me the kid’s funny online
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard3: i knew you loved me really😋
> katie_mccabe15: HOW MANY EMAILS DO YOU HAVE
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard3: katie please dont do this
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard3: Y/N misses you too, Leah!❤️
> katie_mccabe15: another job well done😁
> bethmead_: you forget she’ll still see you in person…she’s going to kill you
> katie_mccabe15: worth it ! tell coopurr i love him
> y/nisbetterthankatiemccard4: you will rue this day, katie alison mccabe.
> katie_mccabe15: @ jonaseidevall another one.
—
—
y/n
liked by arsenalwfc, mattressthecat, and 30,824 others
y/n: Another great game!😁
view all 21,745 comments…
leahwilliamson: okay ive had enough now…give the kid her account back PLEASE
> bethmead_: hear hear
> katie_mccabe15: NO
> katie_mccabe15: have you forgotten all the comments she has made about us? the ugly pictures she posted? SHE LIKED A POST CALLING ME A HEATHEN AND REPOSTED IT TO HER STORY?!?
> alessiarusso99: i’m with katie here…she requested my grandmother on facebook and proceeded to send her ugly pictures of me…some of them are now framed in her house😖😖
> stephcatley: same, she sent me my childhood pictures that even i don’t have access to (??) and then made the ugliest one her profile picture for 3 whole weeks
> kyracooneyx: oh that was partly me - i asked your mum for her old photo album and sent it to y/n
> katie_mccabe15: SEE!! y/n is a menace and we’re doing society a favour
> leahwilliamson: but consider…she’s funny
> liawaelti: you didn’t feel that way when it was you she was bullying
> leahwilliamson: i’m a changed woman, sue me
estre11a16: all the fans who had signs saying free y/n…yeah
> gooner1515: even some reading fans had them💀
> pute11asfan: i think someone even threw a tomato at jonas??
> williamsonsss: and yet he still won’t free y/n😔
> ktmccardstan: i’m afraid we’ll never get her back at this point
jonaseidevall: lovely post, y/n!
> foordyyy: oh he’s doubling down
> katie_mccabe15: stay strong jonas, don’t give in to the pressure
—
—
leahwilliamson
liked by caitlinfoord, kimlittle1990, and 40,764 others
leahwilliamson: jonas i am sacrificing my dignity and morals to say this: please give this little shit back her accounts so she can focus her time and energy on something other than public mischief and embarrassing me…PLEASE. if not for me, then for the good of the team🙏
tagged: jonaseidevall, y/n
view all 34,824 comments…
katie_mccabe15: traitor.
> leahwilliamson: i’m getting really sick of you
> katie_mccabe15: there’s still time to delete this leah. remember your roots.
alessiarusso99: i hate to agree but…
> alessiarusso99: it’s boring without her💔
> wevegotlessirusso: the switch up is insaneee
mylemeadema: jonas please, i miss mattress😔
> coopurrmccabe: i don’t.
> mylemeadema: don’t lie to yourself
> coopurrmccabe: …maybe a little bit
williamsonsestrella1: leah williamson went from number 1 y/n hater to her biggest fan…now that’s what i like to see
arsenalwfcfan: @ jonaseidevall free y/n
> backheelrusso: @ jonaseidevall free y/n
> mattress_stan05: @ jonaseidevall free y/n
> princesswallyluvr: @ jonaseidevall free y/n!!
> limkittle: @ jonaseidevall FREE Y/N
> leahwilliamson: @ jonaseidevall free y/n (pls dont fire me)
> jbeattie91: @ jonaseidevall free her!!
> viviannemiedema: @ jonaseidevall free y/n🙏
> kyracooneyx: @ jonaseidevall y/n and i will stop stealing your socks if you free her
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