EVERYTHING'S IN BINARY

my name is Dekker and this is one of those mental illness blogs. (pro-dx BPD, Bipolar II, GAD, probably also AvPD and EDNOS) (they/them)

[borderlineennui]

i’m trying very very hard to be fair (talk to ve about what i’m thinking and how i’m feeling) and my brain is like “ghost on them and see how long it takes them to care about you” and i’ve settled on “hey are you around?”

radio silence 10 minutes and counting.

[screenshotsofdespair]

[bananajeph-deactivated20180116]

team “i feel like my trauma wasnt bad enough so i now feel like i need to be traumatized in a Real and Valid way so that my feelings will actually count”

[spookystarvingandstoned]

another meme from my old acc

[horrrifiction]

me: I’M GONNA GET BETTER

me, 2 mins later: nevermind let me die

[liz-cat-meow-deactivated2020011]

[traumatrash]

[borderlineennui]

me: with my freelance work i can pay for you to come out here when boyfriend is away

fp: [you were just here, and i am tired from a longstanding depressive episode and i don’t know if i can do anything that soon]

me: okay! sorry to bother you! i hate myself for thinking i deserved to have you here and i would very much like to die in a ditch right now!! how could i be so selfish and stupid

[borderlinevibes]

my borderline moods: 1) impulsive extrovert 2) manic hypersexual 3) overthinking introvert 4) depressed loner who dissociates

[ttrajeudi]

me: wants to be healthy and recovered 

also me: actively enjoys self destructive behaviour

[liminalgirlie-deactivated201707]

[mii701]

[borderlineennui]

every time i express any vulnerability on my main, i lose at least one follower, because no one wants to hear how i feel, and all of my friends have left this platform and i don’t know how to go elsewhere and make new ones. 

[bpddisaster]

having abandonment issues like

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[borderlineennui]

i feel deeply that something Happened, but increasingly wonder if it’s an excuse.

perhaps i am just defective.

[wonting]