Living With Borderline Personality Disorder

This blog is no longer active. Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one hell of a ride. It's hard, it's scary, it's passionate, it's angry and it's everything in between. This is a safe place for people with Borderline. A place where we can share our stories, our experiences, our struggles and triumphs. It's a place where we can support each other and help each other through some of the hardest times. This is also a place for family and friends of those with BPD. We ask that you respect us, our thoughts and our experiences. Feel free to submit your stories, experiences, music, art, photo's, videos -- anything that expresses how you feel or how you feel about having BPD.

[borderlinelife-blog]

This is Goodbye

Honestly, I never thought I would ever reach this point in my life. A point where I no longer solely relate to Borderline. A point where I no longer feel safe here. A point where I don't need the external validation of followers, likes and comments. 

But here I am at that point.

This will be the last post published on this blog.  Asks and submission have been turned off. 

This decision was not an easy one to make. It did not come easily nor do I feel "lighter" or "free" for making it. I know that a feeling of peace will come when it's not so raw and final.  So why have I come to this point? There are many reasons behind my decision and while I was going to list them all and explain -- in great detail why -- I don't feel that is truly necessary. Here are some dot points instead:

I am no longer in a position to maintain a Borderline blog.

There are literally hundreds of Borderline blogs around now, BorderlineLife is no longer needed. 

I no longer feel safe here.

I no longer identify solely as Borderline. 

This is no longer a positive experience for me. 

It became frustrating and disheartening. 

I have outgrown my own blog, the one thing I never thought I would do. 

I don't expect people to understand my decision nor am I writing this to try and explain it all. This is a courtesy post to let you know that there will be no more from BorderlineLife.  Thank you for your support during the last 4+ years.  Thank you for your kind words, your asks and your submissions.  Thank you for being part of this and growing such a wonderful community. There are now more Borderline blogs and websites (positive ones rather than the solely Borderline bashing ones when I started) than there have ever been and that, to me, is beyond wonderful. You did that! That is amazing and I hope each of you is proud of everything you've helped to create and have created and will continue to create. 

Good luck Lovelies.  You are stronger than you think.  You are stronger than you feel. 

-- Renee 

[borderlinelife-blog]

Submission: Breaking up

I had to break up with a man  ho told me he loved me so much he could handle my bpd and would love me ‘forever’. He stopped being the man I love several months ago. It took me that long to stop blaming myself for all our problems.

[borderlinelife-blog]

Submission

It's hard being a female and having a period and also having Borderline Personality Disorder because every emotional experience which is already a huge fucking dramatic ordeal suddenly becomes the end of the goddamned world.

[true-love-is-everything]

[borderlinelife-blog]

Submission: The prospect of change is the most stimulating thing in life to me.

I hate when things remain stagnant.

[borderlinelife-blog]

Submission

 I wish I could rip out your heart. I want to murder your memory. It burns me to know that I mean nothing to you. I can feel the venom seep into me and constrict my heart. You’re my poison.

[thauwn-blog]

[quotediaryofficial]

★★★ more quotes here ★★★

[getfawked120-deactivated2023053]

are u ever mean as fuck in ur head and u aint wanna be and u’d never say it out loud but that one voice in ur head is a total asshole and u feel bad for even thinking it and u wonder if thats how u rly are

[x-stasies]

[dailydoseofstuf]

[borderlinelife-blog]

Submission: I really don't like who I've become.

My temper and emotions have gotten so bad within the last 3 months, I really have no clue what happened. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember but, one day everything was manageable and then it was like a switch. I started being paranoid of everyone, if my boyfriend complimented me I took it as sarcasm, if he was rude I took it as a great personal attack. He is the person closest to me yet, I feel like he’s the enemy. I’ve lost control of my mind. I wake up and tell myself that things are ok, I don’t need to worry or freak out. But, it always happens. I’ll be completely elated with him and then he can say one thing and I snap. Same with my mother. It’s gotten so bad, that I don’t do anything I enjoy anymore. I can’t have fun. I just want to sleep. I feel like everything is just there to get under my skin. I just want to be happy and in control of myself again. 

[borderlinelife-blog]

Submission

A few weeks ago, I saw the PA of my old psychiatrist for a follow-up and expressed to her my concerns about BPD. I requested an evaluation, but she casually dismissed my worries and went on to say that those with personality disorders are essentially hopeless, stuck in that stigmatized box for the rest of their lives.

(I should point out that, having faced relentless emotional abuse as a child, I’m at very high risk for BPD.)

Fast forward to yesterday, and I spoke to a counselor at my university. She understood. She listed a couple of identifiers of BPD, not listed in the DSM-IV but seen in most borderlines, that I readily agreed with. From what I observed, she saw the necessity of my getting evaluated in the very near future.

I’m scheduled for a pre-evaluation appointment on the ninth, with another counselor. Finally, after months of waiting, it’s going to take place. But still, I’m afraid. I hate admitting my fears, but I’m so terrified I can hardly sleep at night.

What if they don’t listen?

[borderlinelife-blog]

Submission: "Ditzy"

A few days ago, I left home without my wallet and didn’t realize it. I have literally no memory of that morning (I don’t know whether I was just distracted, stressed, or if it was legitimate dissociation - either way, it’s very disorienting and somewhat scary). Needless to say, when I got out of work and discovered my purse with no wallet in it, I freaked out and called the sheriff to report it missing. I subsequently spent the 50-some dollars required to replace my wallet and ID. Then this morning, I found said wallet in my backpack….. the feelings of shame and embarrassment I felt are almost indescribable. I then had to explain to my mom why I will not be needing a new medical insurance card after all. She laughed at me and told me there was a bet that I would find my wallet because I’m ditzy and forget things like that all the time. I tried to stick up for myself because this is the first week of fall semester and I’ve been under a lot of pressure with full time classes and almost a full time schedule at work. I tried to validate myself but she just brushed it off, saying “yeah but you can be un-focused sometimes.” Sometimes I just wish people close to me would be more careful with the words they choose in situations like this. I guess I’m too sensitive when it comes to mistakes, but I always feel like they’re blaming me somehow. (perfection complex)

[partybottom]

your life is worth living even if you’re “not doing anything”

your life is worth living even if you are “letting life pass you by”

your life is worth living even if you stay in bed all day every day watching netflix

you don’t have to be big, beloved, important, beautiful, wealthy or famous

there is dignity in just being

it is ok to be

you merely have to be

[kissmeok]

[kissmeok]

Love/Couples

[zennel-deactivated20171011]

borderlinebattle x

[the-healing-nest]

Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change.

 Iyanla Vanzant (via the-healing-nest)