Boring Old Raphael

Hi. My name is Raphael and this is where I write about my feelings. I am in the comedy group Olde English and we made this movie. I created this show for Netflix about a depressed talking horse. I currently live in Los Angeles where I spend the majority of my time trying to find a parking space. var sc_project=6517412; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="0c7f4dc4";

[underlyinghealthcondition]

If RBW wanted to take a break from Bojack and write the final season of The Simpsons I would have no complaints. Jesus Christ.

[boringoldraphael]

Really glad my fanfic is taking off.

[bojarthorseblog-blog]

WELCOME TO THE BOJART HORSEBLOG!!! Your one stop shop for production art from your favorite show on Netflix!  The one about an alcoholic horse? Your favorite show called BoJack Horseman? YES, that’s the one! As we get ready for the July 22nd release of season 3 we’re going to be sharing with you some work from our very talented crew. 

This character design of BoJack and Daniel Radcliffe was whipped up by Lotan Kritchman based on a gag from season 2 episode 8 boarded by Anne Walker Farrell.

[boringoldraphael]

Whole lotta good stuff right here. And more to come!

[boringoldraphael]

My mother was the first woman I knew who moved out of her own body. She vacated it, bit by bit: her lawn of her hair turning colors and falling out, the front porch of belly and breasts disappearing overnight, the foundation of muscle repossessed and leaving her to scoot down the stairs on her disorientingly bony ass. She disappeared. Her hair grew back, but her face changed shape so sharply that friends who she hadn’t seen in a year did not recognize her. She was like any other woman; she loved the attention her new body received and being able to buy clothes in any store she saw. But what she really wanted was to not be like me anymore.

My Friends Would Rather Have Their Guts Cut Open Than Be Like Me by Meg Elison This is a beautifully written, heartbreaking piece of writing.

[bojackhorseman]

but without Kobe, how are the Lakers gonna Lake Lake Lake Lake Lake? Good game last night, Kobe. you’ll be missed!

[boringoldraphael]

Hey, BoJack!

You should stop hanging out with rapists and posting pictures with them on Instagram and Tumblr!

It legitimizes them and delegitimizes victims everywhere!

Not funny or cool!

Thaaaaaaaaaaanks!

[judedoyle]

Progressive

Let’s start, this time, with a story. This is about Hillary Clinton – everything I write seems to be about her these days – but it’s about me, too. It’s about what it means, to be a feminist, or a woman on the left, and whether it matters. So before I get to her, let’s give you a good look at me. 

I’m at a job interview. It seems like I actually have a shot at this one. Someone who likes me knows the boss here, and has talked me up to him in person. I can show him my most recent performance review, in which I’m described as “a joy to work with,” that “my editors fight over who gets to edit my pieces,” and where the “places for improvement” section mentions they actually have to “wrack their brains for something I could do better.” I’ve come prepared to talk about my strong, built-in reader base, which I built from the ground up; the fact that I’ve led several social media campaigns that received national or international press attention and raised substantial funds, one of which was enthusiastically endorsed by several pro-choice members of Congress; my award for social media activism, from a prestigious women’s media organization, which I won by popular vote; the fact that I wind up at or near the top of my magazine’s “most-read” traffic list every time I publish a new piece.

I can mention other things, basic work-ethic things. I can mention that I have not voluntarily taken a vacation day or a sick day for the past 18 months, and that the last sick day I took was only because I was hospitalized. (I do have to take the day off on federal holidays, but on those days, I usually write for fun.) I can mention that I have never been late filing a piece. I can mention that the copy comes in clean, doesn’t require much editing, and gets turned around quickly, with maximum co-operation. I can talk about all that, at my job interview. Those are the questions I’m prepared to answer.

I’m not prepared for the question they ask.

“We’re a progressive site,” the man across the table begins, “And our readership, as with most progressive sites, is mostly men. You’ve focused a lot on women’s issues. Would you be comfortable writing something that men would be able to read?”

Keep reading

[boringoldraphael]

This is my favorite thing I’ve read about this election so far.

[paulftompkins]

“Why Political Correctness Makes for Better Jokes”

[boringoldraphael]

HERO.

[boringoldraphael]

From a mostly cynical sentimentalist to an ever-so-slightly sentimental cynic:

I'm more than a little ambivalent on the expression of tender devotion On one day a year because greeting card companies profit off store-bought emotion. A romance industrial complex so fueled by commodification of feeling serves only to further homogenize all and promote what's, at best, unrevealing.

It's not just a lack of precision and one-size-fits-allness that lead me to mope. I think you and I share the same disillusionment, sprouted from long-buried hope. I worry, as you do, love dulls us to cold hollow sockets that ache for a joint. If ends are encoded in every beginning, we wonder, then what is the point?

You're right to be highly suspicious of seemingly mandated acts of affection, When all pretty words are a means to an ultimate heartbreak, a grand misdirection. I can't guarantee that this letter won't lead to us both one day broken and blue. All that being said, though? I think that you're great. Happy Valentine's Day, me to you.

[kateoplis]

“I find it amazing that we’re an industry that in the 1930s, most of our leads were women. And now a woman over 40 has a very difficult time being a lead in a movie. 

We’re seeing some movement. Jennifer Lawrence and Patricia Arquette have made the loud pronouncement about wage disparity, have put a stamp on the idea that we got to pay attention. But we should have been paying attention long before this. 

I think that African Americans have a real fair point that the industry isn’t representing them well enough. I think that’s absolutely true.

Let’s look back at some of the nominees. I think around 2004, certainly there were black nominees — like Don Cheadle, Morgan Freeman. And all of a sudden, you feel like we’re moving in the wrong direction. There were nominations left off the table. There were four films this year: “Creed” could have gotten nominations; “Concussion” could have gotten Will Smith a nomination; Idris Elba could have been nominated for “Beasts of No Nation;” and “Straight Outta Compton” could have been nominated. And certainly last year, with “Selma” director Ava DuVernay — I think that it’s just ridiculous not to nominate her.

But honestly, there should be more opportunity than that. There should be 20 or 30 or 40 films of the quality that people would consider for the Oscars. By the way, we’re talking about African Americans. For Hispanics, it’s even worse. We need to get better at this. We used to be better at it.”

Clooney on the ‘LilyWhite’ Oscars | Variety

[boringoldraphael]

IF ONLY GEORGE CLOONEY DIRECTED MOVIES AND CHOSE WHO GOT TO BE IN THEM! COULD YOU IMAGINE? WHAT DO YOU THINK HIS MOVIES WOULD BE LIKE?!?!

[shitpeoplesaytowomendirectors]

Not Safe At Work

The (male) Showrunner on a sitcom I was working for grabbed my butt with both hands and said, “You’ve got a nice firm ass, I’d like to fuck you.”

When I complained to my Agent, he told me if I filed any kind of complaint I’d never work again. 

Then I realized this same agency also represented the Showrunner. 

BTW this is a major Showrunner, on what was at the time a huge show.

[boringoldraphael]

This story disgusts me, as a person and as a comedy showrunner. This is one hundred percent NOT OKAY and I won’t accept that this is a thing that happens in my industry that everyone needs to go along with to get along.

“You’ll never work again” is not true. Anyone who tells you that is a liar. When you are sexually harassed by comedy writers, get the word out, say their names. You do not owe them your silence. I want to know who these assholes are.

And then when all the butt-grabbers and friends-of-butt-grabbers don’t want to hire you, come work for me.

[satancheerleader]

UGH JASON WHY HAVE YOU NOT BOOTY CALLED TEXTED ME YOU ARE THE PERFECT FWB I DON’T WANT YOU EMOTIONALLY I WANT YOU TO LAUGH ABOUT BOJACK HORSEMAN WITH ME AND THEN FUCK MY BRAINS OUT WHY IS THAT SO HARD

[boringoldraphael]

Forget about Jason. There are so many other great people out there who would LOVE to watch BoJack Horseman with you.

[paulftompkins]

My latest 1-hour comedy special airs this Saturday on Comedy Central. This material is very special to me! I do hope you’ll watch and enjoy it, and as you will  not be seeing a ton of on-air promos or advertising or press for it, if you are inclined to spread the word, well then, you would be precious in my sight.

Saturday, October 10th, 11pm eastern/pacific.

Thank you.

[boringoldraphael]

This person is one of the funniest people out there. He has made me laugh so many times and I am very excited for him to make me laugh more times. What a good kind man to give the gift of laughter to so many.

[boringoldraphael]

Trill us into the week, Kylie Minogue!

[boringoldraphael]

New punchlines, hot off the press!

Just add set-ups and these jokes are GOOD TO GO:

1) Six. One to change the lightbulb and five to tweet about how “political correctness has gone too far.”

2) One to go out with the lightbulb for seven years and then break up with it because it “doesn’t change.”

3) One to post a selfie with the lightbulb and five thousand to like the selfie.

4) Four. One to buy a new socket, one to reroute the wiring, one to replace the switch with a dimmer, and one to look at the bulb and wonder why it still isn’t turning on.

5) One to change the bulb and one to be nostalgic for the old bulb that didn’t work.

6) I said Yep, what a concept, I could use a lightbulb myself and we could ALL use a little chaaaAAAANGE...

7) Three to each sit around in the dark hoping one of the other two will do it.

8) One to make the story all about how the LIGHTBULB changed HIM.

[mintypineapple]

From The Exquisite Corpse Project. This is boringoldraphael, creator of bojackhorseman.

[boringoldraphael]

GUILTY AS CHARGED.

[lisahanawalt-deactivated2017091]

[boringoldraphael]

"I want to be famous for drawing horses someday."

Ladies and gentlemen, Lisa Hanawalt.

[copperbooms]

when did tumblr collectively decide not to use punctuation like when did this happen why is this a thing

[rodimuss]

it just looks so smooth I mean look at this sentence flow like a jungle river

[prismatic-bell]

ACTUALLY

This is really exciting, linguistically speaking.

Because it’s not true that Tumblr never uses punctuation. But it is true that lack of punctuation has become, itself, a form of punctuation. On Tumblr the lack of punctuation in multisentence-long posts creates the function of rhetorical speech, or speech that is not intended to have an answer, usually in the form of a question. Consider the following two potential posts. Each individual line should be taken as a post:

ugh is there any particular reason people at work have to take these massive handfuls of sauce packets they know they’re not going to use like god put that back we have to pay for that stuff

Ugh. Is there any particular reason people at work have to take these massive handfuls of sauce packets they know they’re not going to use? Like god, put that back. We have to pay for that stuff.

In your head, those two potential posts sound totally different. In the first one I’m ranting about work, and this requires no answer. The second may actually engage you to give an answer about hoarding sauce packets. And if you answer the first post, you will likely do so in the same style. 

Here’s what makes this exciting: the English language has no actual punctuation for rhetorical speech–that is, there are no special marks that specifically indicate “this speech is in the abstract, and requires no answer.” Not only that, it never has. The first written record of English (actually proto-English, predating even Old English) dates to the 400s CE, so we’re talking about 1600 years of having absolutely no marker whatsoever for rhetorical speech.

A group of teens and young adults on a blogging website literally reshaped a deficit a millennium and a half old in our language to fit their language needs. More! This group has agreed on a more or less universal standard for these new rules, which fits the definition of “language.” Which is to say Tumblr English is its own actual, real, separate dialect of the English language, and because it is spoken by people worldwide who have introduced concepts from their own languages into it, it may qualify as a written form of pidgin. 

Tumblr English should literally be treated as its own language, because it does not follow the rules of any form of formal written English, and yet it does have its own consistent internal rules. If you don’t think that’s cool as fuck then I don’t even know what to tell you.

[staff]

Hey cool

[boringoldraphael]

yeah cool except that’s not actually what that means like in the original post that question was obviously not rhetorical because otherwise you wouldn’t have answered it so

[boringoldraphael]