I haven't been on here in ages. I haven't been on here or social media in years. In my time away I've grown so much a person. I learned to give a damn myself and I feel much more grounded. I love being detached from internet culture and all the dumb shit ppl talk about on here. Don't get me wrong, I am not 'coming back' here I still hate social media lol but I'm just going through it right now.
Around this time last year I finally met someone. I met this amazing, strong, funny, handsome woman. I fell in love. Deeply. I've never been in love before. At 26 I hadn't really been in a real relationship before until I met her. This past year I spent with her was so wonderful and beautiful I don't think I've ever felt so free and happy before in my life. She and I were different people. I've always been soft hearted and sensitive; I tend to cry easily and I feel so deeply about everything. She's more rough and tough, not easily bothered by much, very resilient and can bounce back from tough situations. I love that about her. And I love our yin and yang quality our relationship had. Despite our differences she always respected my boundaries and never made me feel bad about being sensitive. She always let me cry and dried my tears. We built our relationship on communication and trust. I honestly didn't think I could trust anyone before I met her. I was so afraid to let somebody in.
She started school this fall, wanting to get out of her dead end job, making big moves to create a bigger and better future for herself. I was so proud of her. School was not easy for her and I know how stressful this was especially while working a full time job and having a long commute from home to work to school. I didn't see her as much but it was great when I did. But it was hard to see her so overwhelmed and stressed all the time.
I tried to dismiss my anxiety and overthinking when it came to our relationship. Why make myself miserable with worry? Our relationship had a strong foundation. So last wednesday night when she broke up with me via text message and blocked my phone number I was shocked and completely destroyed. On what planet would she do something like this? In our year together she never once treated me with an ounce of disrespect. My heart is shattered. I thought what we had together was special. Makes me wonder if she felt the same. I thought she loved me and cared about me. She always made me feel loved. Now I'm questioning everything. I'm struggling and it's so hard trying to get over this. Experiencing heartbreak for the first time at 27 ain't easy I'll tell you that. I am so angry. Furious. I hate that she was so cowardly. I never took her for a coward. I hate that I can't talk to her about this. I hate how much I miss her. I am so angry yet I still love her. I'll never get to hear her voice again, see her gorgeous smile that makes my heart flutter, get lost in her eyes, hold her hand, feel her strong arms wrapped around me, share a laugh together, feel her sweet lips on mine....
You know it's bad when I come back to my old ass blog to let my feelings out lol
