I miss you.

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@bottomofthebeerbottle
I miss you.
15.2.2018
I am sitting on a lexicology lesson but the only thing I can think about is us. What should I do, how should I explain everything what's happening to me? It's not hard to understand by me because I can clearly feel those deepest scars. Maybe I am afraid to love you because I was hurt and here, you are the stronger person who can teach me. Nevertheless I am more then willing to learn this from you. Give me time or don't. I am still afraid My Queen. Our deep emotional connection might have just gotten lost in a paradise of words that were never spoken out loud. What can I say, I was far away from you but even like that I was closer then everybody else. I've met you after the class had ended and since then I am hurt. Deeply thoroughly hurt. You know that you are so close to someone that you are EXACTLY the same, bits by bits, feelings through feelings that are neverending. We might have lost it. Maybe because of beer. Maybe because you listen to me when you shouldn't. I don't blame you. I am complicated. More than you might be. This is my insecurity, I need your demons, I need to stand by your side, I am in dire need to take my life and put it in your hands. I need it and now I am not ashamed by letting go of my ego. I need to be the pillar of existence for somebody that deserves it and you know that you do. I might not comprehend or understand these words when I am sober but I know you will. I can not always be the bigger person my love. And now I can't. I need you to tell me how to help you, and in the situations like today, to hug me even when you distanced yourself from me like I did subconsciously. Fear, love, and even when you drive me crazy I am not carsick. It's not about me or you... this is about us so we can do it for us. Instead of "I love you" I am writing this the first and last time: I want to pick up your pieces of soul just to get it back to work for us.
Bits #1
Okay. I am deeply sorry darling. Honestly, I don't really know what's happening to me, I've never understood it. I know I feel anxious, depressed, alone and I often seem distant with every single thing I do. Shit happens right? Listen, you are the first person that even when I don't know what's happening I still behave like everything is okay. It's not, It might never be but believe me, the words were never spilled, and I might not look at you the same way but trust me I just know I feel this way in the deepest part of my soul. And there you belong. The words are blank to everybody else but I know you will understand this. I deeply need you for this. I don't know how, why or when but You can correct this. I know I can look at you the same way. Maybe I need you more often beside me. Maybe I want you to hug me more often. Maybe I need a deep talks more often. Maybe I need a rose. Don't be afraid, I am fucked up too, that's why I can understand everything. I am sorry. Maybe... I need a little help from you my Queen not knowing what it should be. Help me?
Details.
My Life might fly by
Drive by, light cries by nights...
We could be the greatest but you destroyed every piece of it
Peace of it
Piss off it
We are the greatest and she,
My Queen found every bit
Every bid
Understands every knit
Every bit never told
Every bid never taken
And that's why we are interlocked
Make me cry.
The most beautiful human being
When you look in her eyes
You go sightseeing
Through depths of her soul
Through the cathedrals of pain
Through the valleys of snow
left by the others
But only through the iron curtains
When I have asked myself Where is my mind
I've found love...
Hugs, her foot placed gently on mine
Coffee, made with love
Teaspoons stopped in mugs
Ducks always fly in pairs
I was given one wing
You too
But you are not my wingman
You are my angel
Thank you.
I don't know where my mind is.
But you now where is my heart.
Wake up darling. Everything hurts. Take every risk you can and stop living your life in fear. You just have to find the things/people/passion in which is it worth to be hurt or hurt.
Darling, you taught me that life is worth living. You filled the emptiness which beer never could. You've destroyed the most inner wall. You know when the slightest detail is off. Do you still think I would be able to left you in this world?
And I want us to be together, in silence in which, only our eyes are heard.
You will never see this
I did everything for the pieces
You shattered me into
I know what the peace is
That's why I put everything in tunes
I know that you probably will never read this
But please If you do, kiss me on the cheek
Tell me If you really mean this
Otherwise I feel like intruder or a creep
I feel like the puzzle piece that has been lost
Like an idea never fully thought
I appreciate you the most
The next present will not be bought
Just eternally given
Don’t be offended
You won’t find me sober after 8pm what’s precious, what’s worth living for I can’t imagine how is it like to be them for you, the last thing is to be left singing for nobody I get it I drink a lot but question is ought to be asked life took nothing, gave me nothing than what is ought to be casked for me to feel better… every cloud has a silver lining I drink to find it through poems kindly but for 6 years I kept mining to find it clouded mildly I’m idle to the idea to live the life I made for myself not knowing what is awaiting and if my wife will keep me keep going not staying rife I broke so many promises I broke so many hearts I’ve never understood what promise is until I’ve put it through my arts I know you slept with somebody but I will never ask I see it in your eyes embodied in the first and only cask And you know I see through your mask And you know my love was meant to last but what is disgusting as crust: you’ve never loved me if you would fell for lust... I hate to mention anybody in my arts they feel like I dissed them in my bars photographs, but they will never to be asked to be eternal without mask I hate the world but I love the world try to live the life ever idle and see the world ever cold trying for forever to hide her from everything, truth may be never told
everlasting war
You think that
we are so different
I know
we are the same
it’s simple
we changed to be like the other one
we switched
still spitting rusted remorses
to show we can leave each other anytime
can we?
Once you will need them.
Life is worthless
like the things you always carry
but never use
Is it worth less
than the things you always carry
but never use?
It’s not...
My princess
I know I am that drunk piece of shit
I know I "don't understand" you
But waking up feeling incompetent as this?
It's not my fault thus, I can only blame you
Slovakia
I grew up in a state that gave me nothing
In a state where I can study for free but for nothing
No money for state representatives' pockets?
To people they give nothing
Protests that are good for nothing
We stand tall but for nothing
No change of colours. 89' change for nothing
Highway on the way for sixty years. Why? For nothing
Fuck the revolution even communism stood for something...
I've been standing there in the rain
Roses tore my jeans
You've been standing in your dream flowers without pain
With relationship from your dreams
Sincerely...
You told me that I am your blessing
That your are thankful for it
That you know your head is messy
That it will never become boring
You told me that you love me
that my poems are healing your scars
that everything you owe me
is written in my bars
And I am standing here
And I am standing there
Again drinking my beloved beer
In that bar where we were
ourselves
You tell me that you are my karma
for every broken heart
that you are inprisoned with harm ah..
I am sorry maybe we shouldn’t ever start