Bottom Of The Layke

Layke | Nonbinary | they/he | Role-player/Writer| Queer | Otaku | Gamer | Current Addiction:Hazbin Hotel

[bottomofthelayke]

Ego Renegade Boy

Ego Renegade Boy is a Vocaloid song about murdering the you people thought you were and showing them who you've always been inside. It was released by Flavor Foley earlier this year and in honor of Pride Month I wanted to take the time to talk about it. In the song Len is on trial for "murdering" Rin when in actuality the two are the same person and it's a story about Len transitioning. A heavy metaphor for going from from the girl and daughter they assumed he was to the son and boy he's always been. The people around him are mourning a version of him that never existed. This is a struggle that trans people go through, the grief other people perform over the persons transition that was never really about the person.

This is where the imagery comes in and it throws harsh executions at us. Firing squad. Guillotine. Electric chair. All the ways that trans people are violently killed, inside and out. People want to murder him for killing the girl he once was and he can't take it anymore so he'd rather be on trial for the murder than be put back into that position again. People would rather do accuse, put people back in a box or actually become violent towards a person instead of having the person choose themselves. To them its murder. To Len he's finally choosing himself. He's done living a lie and the lyrics lean heavily into the fact that people mourn for a daughter who never really existed. The idea of Len "murdering" the girl is something a lot of trans people go through because everyone feels like they knew the person only to see them disappear. They see nothing but a stranger in the room and don't know how to cope with the loss despite the fact that just because the skin has changed doesn't mean that the heart has.

Did you know the nights spent crying in a voice drawn low? Did you know her? If you knew, you'd know I had to let her go

Up until now he's been pleading his case to the court until this point. Now he's talking to Rin, to his old self. Rin is the one who speaks next until it goes back to Len. This is when he lets go of Rin permanately. He's saying, "If you really knew me like you all claimed, you would understand why I had to let her go. She was never me. She was someone who never even existed. She died a long time ago."

That's what transitioning is. It's not impulsive or a phase. It's mourning the person you used to be long before anyone has gotten the invite for the funeral. It's realizing that the "you" that you thought was inside you never existed, but everyone tells you that you're wrong. It's feeling like you're going crazy. It's disappearing in on yourself. It's living a lie and hiding your secret identity, but your not some kind of superhero because if you reveal it no one will clap for you. They'll force you to swallow it down when you'd rather hurt the skin you despise because it isn't you. Long nights crying. Talking yourself out of it. Wishing someone would understand. Letting go of your old self because they're gone. People accusing you when you're the one who suffered the most with coming out because you had to have the strength to do it. Everyone else just had to listen. You're the one who spent the energy letting go of the old you.

I know what that's like.

That's explained well in this lyric: Voices shout, "Her blood is on your hands" As if I'm not the one that has to live with Red under nails that won't wash out no matter how it ends

Len was put on trial for murdering his old self which was an act so heinous that he was to be put to death for it. He doesn't apologize to the court for it though. It ends with him saying, "Her life for mine. This life is mine." He tells the courtroom, "Yeah. I did it. I chose myself and I don't care what anyone thinks. I'm happy and that's what matters." To everyone in that courtroom he is the villain but what matters is him, not anyone else. Even if what he did is seem as "unforgivable".

This is why Pride is so important. Pride is about being your true self. It is about unapologetically choosing to be the you that you have always been despite what everyone else says. To be happy even if the courtroom paints you as the villain and them as the victims of a trial that should never have to have happened in the first place. Pride shouldn't be about proving to people that you're still the same person. It's about the fact that you don't need to plead guilty for your own life. It's about all the people who have red under their nails from years of coming to terms with their true selves. Ego Renegade Boy shows the story of a boy choosing to be alive after the world tried to kill him. Where handcuffs turn to freedom.

If you read this far thank you so much for making it to the bottom of the lake and I really appreciate you reading all of this. Thank you so much!

[bottomofthelayke]

Stay Gold, Little Sister

At twelve years old I read The Outsiders and now at the same age over a decade later, my sister is reading it too. I was engrossed in the world of Soc’s and Greasers with my class. Now in 2026 there are memes, videos and musicals about The Outsiders that my sister shares and it’s like getting a new perspective on the characters. I feel like I’m re-reading the story through a whole new lens. A way I was never able to as a child. It’s refreshing. It’s bold. It’s nostalgic in it’s own way because I know that this book can still be appreciated for what it is and it’s themes from when I was a kid and when it came out sixty years ago. Yet having her share these things with me and discuss what she has talked about in her class makes me realize that I don’t see eye to eye with her on some of the conclusions she’s come up with. Not because the words on the page have changed, but because I have.

Staying gold. Dally choosing to fight in the rumble. Darry giving up on college. The social class between the Soc’s and Greasers. All these core elements that make up the fundamentals of the story have now shifted in my mind from when I was twelve years old. Something shifted in my brain the more my sister and I talked and I hadn’t even realized that I didn’t agree with a lot of the core elements I used to anymore.

When I learned that Darry gave up on college I thought this made sense that he had to be the sensible, reliable, older brother. His brothers were important so why would he be angry about it? Family comes first. My siblings come first after all as I’m the oldest. I would never be angry at that. As a child I figured this was logical because love should outweigh everything, but it wasn’t that simple. He was forced to grow up fast after his parents passed away and take care of Sodapop and Ponyboy. I understood that he was always worried about Ponyboy and wanted him to do his best because he was a smart kid with a good head on his shoulders which is why he was so hard on him. However it wasn’t his brothers that made him angry as to why he had to give up everything. It was the situation which is something I learned later in life: you can still love the people around you, but resent the situation you find yourself in. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you realistic, human and truthful. Eventually it gets easier to handle, but it may never fully heal and that’s exactly how it was for Darry. He had his brothers and it had to become enough to keep going after he lost everything too.

While Darry learned to carry on with his loss, Dallas Winston never did. My sister saw loyalty and I saw nothing but grief soaked in violence. At twelve I would have said that Dally went out in a blaze of glory doing the honorable thing of defending his friends. Now I see a boy who lost the person he cared about the most. My sister see’s Dally as a hero and I see him as self destructive which are identical on the outside. Dally has always been a violent character and he shows his feelings through fighting, feeling more alive and himself during this. He needed to fight. He needed to go out this way. After losing Jonny, he had nothing left to lose. I understand Dally much better now because I know what it’s like to carry grief and not know how to handle it or to handle it in a negative, explosive way. Darry was quiet with his pain and Dally ran straight through, because there was nothing left of him but the pain. Dallas Winston was told his entire life that he was trash and he is the prime example of what happens to someone when they are told that their entire life. They feed on that anger and they explode. Jonny was the one who looked at him like he hung the moon. When he lost him he lost the one person who believed that he was good and he didn’t want to be good anymore. My sister saw it as loyalty. I saw pain.

The more we talked, the more I learned about how my sister really saw the book. I delved back into myself and it became apparent to me that at twelve years old I saw the book as black and white with no bits of gray. I saw Soc’s versus Greasers Good versus Bad. Us versus Them. The Greasers were deemed the ‘problem children’ among the adults, because they were poor. Because of how they looked. Because they lived on the wrong side of the neighborhood. Having worked with those kinds of children in a school setting before I can say I see it everywhere, especially in the school district. Teachers that write off students that they deem troubled because they’re noisy in class or don’t pay attention when there could be something wrong at home, they could need extra help or they could need some guidance, but they don’t take the time to work with them. Or sometimes they don’t have the time and that’s where another layer of the problem lies and in the end they don’t get the help and those ‘problem children’ become ‘problem adults’ who become Dallas Wintsons’. Just someone who always grew up with a leather jacket and switchblade in their pocket.

Dally didn’t stay gold. Darry didn’t stay gold. Even I didn’t now that I’m an adult and am seeing the book through the eyes of an adult. The gold has scraped off and now I see what lies underneath. “Stay gold,” sounded so soft and poetic, like something you’d say to someone in a fairy tale book even though it was said through the lips of a dying child. Now I hear the plea in Jonny’s voice as he says it to Ponyboy. Please stay innocent. Please see the world with wonder and love and excitement. Experience things for the first time and never lose that spark. Keep that within you and don’t lose it. When I hear it I fear for the boys and girls that may not stay gold for long. It weirdly reminds me of the ending of the book. The fact that the book is just a huge essay and Ponyboy is writing it to get extra credit. It’s poetic. He’s writing his life story in a way that he wants someone to listen. Someone to tell. Even if the only person who reads it is his teacher. In a way that is golden.

Yet I also think of my sisters. One is about to enter grad school. One is in college. One just finished The Outsiders which inspired this blog, each in different parts of their lives. Each one have stayed golden and I have watched that their entire lives. My life has glimmered through watching theirs. Now my sisters will send me texts and videos about whatever is going on in their lives and I think of how twelve year old me would have felt if they were here right now. All I know is they would have listened no matter what. However I now relate to the older characters much more than I do the younger characters in the book which changes my perspective on things. I’ve always been the oldest sibling, but I never understood why Darry held so much resentment. Now I do. I never understood Dally’s true pain. Now I do. Jonny’s “stay gold” true impact didn’t hit me until adulthood.

The words on the page are still the same words I read when I was twelve though. I’m just an adult now. They are the same words my sister is reading. The same words that were written and read sixty years ago. They will be the same words read years from now. None of the characters have changed, I did. I’m glad I got to meet them again through another perspective and I’m also glad she got to meet them at the same age I did. I hope she continues to share experiences like that with me in the coming years so that I don’t forget what it’s like to be a kid reading The Outsiders at twelve years old again.

Stay gold, little sister.

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reaching the bottom of the lake. I really appreciate it. Thank you!

[bottomofthelayke]

Just Like Mona Lisa Manga Review

“I’m not a boy or girl, but I’m both at the same time. I just want to live as a human being.” -Lisa

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗Spoilers˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Summary

The story of Just Like Mona Lisa follows Hinase, an eighteen year old genderless person who lives in a world where people develop their gender by puberty based on hormones and preference. Confused on what they want to be, this only adds to the confusion when their childhood friends, Ritsu and Shiori, both confess their feelings. Hinase must choose before graduation because they are the oldest recorded gender less person and eventually they can die.

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Sex vs Gender

Before we get into the real review I want to first talk about the difference between sex of the body versus gender because there is a distinct difference between the two. So let’s clear the air for those who don’t know the difference very quickly. Sex: refers to biological characteristics (chromosomes, anatomy, hormones) typically assigned at birth, usually as male or female

Gender: refers to socially constructed roles, behaviors, and internal identity (man, woman, non-binary)

Let me add the last part that is listed as well: While sex is biologically based, gender is an internal sense of self and a social construct that can vary across cultures and change over time.

Keep these in mind throughout your reading.

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Story

At its core, Just Like Mona Lisa is about social pressure that society puts on people on what a certain gender should and shouldn’t be. Girls shouldn’t be into sports. Boys shouldn’t wear dresses. Girls must be taken care of by boys and boys are stronger than girls. Girls are kinder and more emotional while boys are reliable. This is how it is “supposed” to be because we’ve been told this for years. In the story, both childhood friends of Hinase are also faced with the social pressure despite having chosen their genders already as children. Ritsu (female) is into sports and is seen as not girly enough because of it. Shiori (male) loves art, but his father doesn’t approve because it’s for girls. Restricted roles have fit them both into boxes and labels that they didn’t realize they were signing up for when they swayed towards a gender.

We later on in the story meet a gay character in the story who falls in love with his male best friend. He hadn’t meant to of course, but it happens. How can you change how your heart works? Yet when you live in a world where you’re told that it’s not okay all you want to do is tear it out and scream at it and tell it to change and look at the correct people. To love “normally”. He wishes he had changed into a girl. That maybe he was born in the wrong body and chose wrong. He wishes that they could be in a normal relationship, but knows that it will never happen and has to accept that. Once again, social pressure is pushed down on him and he looks at his best friend knowing he can never be with him, but at least knows that he can one day be comfortable with who he is. What I appreciate about this side story though is that they address it delicately by saying that there are many ways to feel about a person. Friendship and love exists on a scale and that there is a spectrum and that he might feel a strong like towards his friend and that might not be love, but he might still be attracted to men or both. Or he could love his friend or it could just be a strong friendship. The point being that he doesn’t have to figure out anything now. He can just exist with beside his friend and love himself and not have to worry right now with what he’s feeling and focus more on the fact that he gets to be beside the person he cares about. Easier said than done yes, but honestly I think that’s a beautiful way to phrase it. You don’t have to figure it out right now. Just be there. Going back to Shiori and Ritsu, they confess to Hinase and Hinase realizes that they too have feelings for them as well which complicates things. They wonder as well if what they feel for them is love or strong friendship. An important question crops up then: If they had been born a specific gender would they realize they love one of them instantly? Would that mean that their gender would define their love? Hinase always saw them as their most precious friends and never thought of them romantically. It was always the three of them, but the problem is that Hinase is afraid that if the dynamic changes then the whole friendship will fall apart. Hinase slowly begins to realize their feelings throughout the story, but also knows there is a big hurdle: both Shiori and Ritsu want Hinase to choose a gender to date them. Ritsu wants Hinase to be boy and Shiori wants Hinase to be a girl.

Their idea is to teach Hinase how to be both and hopefully influence them to be one. Ritsu takes Hinase out and shows them how to be a girl and Shiori does the same and shows them how to be a boy. I also want to touch on the fact that I noticed Hinase chose the male uniform at school, which as a non-binary person myself, I would have done as well. It seems like the most unisex out of the two, but why? “Because boys don’t wear skirts”. If Hinase wore a skirt than they are automatically a girl yet girls can wear pants. This idea of thinking is addressed in the story. Dresses and skirts reserved strictly for girls, but if boys wore them they are automatically cross dressing. So Ritsu and Shiori show Hinase that they can switch uniforms and immediately Shiori gets embarrassed to wear a skirt.

Before I continue I want to actually want to talk about men in more feminine wear throughout history. ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

History If you were rich you didn’t walk therefore you wore heels. It was as simple as that. Heels were a status symbol as far back as the 10th Century. Persian cavalry soilders wore heeled boots designed to lock their feet in stir ups while riding which made them ride easier and good in battle. When Persian diplomats visited European courts in the early 1600’s, Western aristocrat fell in love with the style and decided to make it a symbol of the military power and high status. King Louis XIV of France became the era’s most famous for it. Heels started to become popular in the lower class too so the rich made theirs taller to the point where it was absurd and “distinguished” that they couldn’t walk (which was the point). If you couldn’t walk then you had help to do everything for you.

Dresses and skirts were never seen solely “for women” for a very long time. In Egypt all the way back in 3000 BCE, men wore what is called the shendyt which is a pleaded linen wrap skirt that was a pure symbol of power. Greek and Roman men wore tunics and togas which was daily dress and soldiers wore leather skirted armor called pteruges into battle. Even through the medieval period, men wore these things as a symbol of wealth. The more you wore the more rich you were. Pants were considered barbaric. When the Romans went to Gaul and saw Celtic men in pants, they viewed them as uncivilized.

Why Have Things Changed?

Enlightenment: In the mid 1700’s, intellectuals across Europe started pushing different ideas such as practicality and fashion of the rich into looking less like power and more self indulgence. They wanted to look more “disciplined” and less “beautiful”. Bright colors, heels and dresses were abandoned for suits and dark colors.

Politics: The French and American Revolutions made aristocratic excess genuinely dangerous. The working class and middle class wore practical clothing to show their democratic values. Wearing more loose and skirted clothes was a sign of oppression, a stark shift. The very thing the Romans once marked became permanently part of the normal wardrobe. Industrialization: The 1800’s demanded that men were working in factories and workshops. Suits became more profitable and easier to mass produce. Dresses as more artistic became aimed more so towards women so it could reinforce the idea that women were more emotional and men were rational. It wasn’t biology or tradition. It was capitalism, politics and designing gender into clothing.

The irony is that men are defending rules that are barely 200 years old, in a history that stretches back over 5,000 years in the other direction. ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Mona Lisa

Before Hinase, the oldest person in the story, Lisa, was a gender less person in their twenties who ends up committing suicide when they find out they are becoming female because they would rather be in between than one gender. Hinase learns of this and knows that sooner or later they will have to choose as well. Either they will feel that crumbling ache of needing to choose before their hormones choose for them or they someone could choose for them by force feeding a gender.

Lisa’s story is where it all clicks into place. The parallels of the painting Mona Lisa is that no one knows if “she” as a woman or man. If she is smiling or not. That she is looked at for 500 years and the beauty of this painting is allowed to exist and just be watched and yet is a puzzle that people look at just as Hinase and Lisa are. Just as people that do not fit into a box are. You stare at them for years and years and wonder who they are, why they don’t fit into the binary, and may never understand who or what they are or even why. Yet it gets to exist in it’s beauty and a person doesn’t get to just exist. They are constantly questioned and can never be.

One thing Lisa brings up in the story is the story are pronouns. Lisa speaks French and explains that French has masculine and feminine pronouns. We even have pronouns for inanimate objects. The whole world is divided into male and female and we don’t even think twice about it. They say their tired of being seen as male or female, their even fine being seen as an animal, as long as their seen as alive. Person. Something. Just don’t fit them in a box. They didn’t care being called she or they or whatever as long as they were seen as a person first.

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Force Fed

There was a certain image in the story that really got me and I want to touch on it. It was Hinase being force fed the school uniforms ribbon and then the tie, their mouth spread open. Obviously this shows that they felt like they were being forced into one gender and forced to choose one but I liked the way they described it. They said that it was like one day everyone ate together and then suddenly Shiori and Ritsu began to eat sludge and Hinase didn’t know why. They expected Hinase to eat it too and like it, forcing it down their throat. There’s nothing wrong with the sludge because obviously Shiori and Ritsu are doing just fine eating it, but Hinase can’t stomach it even if they have to grow up and eat it. They just can’t. It makes them sick.

This was one of the few times I cried. I can remember in my life when things like this happened to me in my own life. Being force fed a gender you can’t physically stomach truly does make you sick and watching everyone else do it and wondering how the hell they can is truly confusing and also a bit scary. It makes you feel alone and out of place. Not to mention I understand what Hinase says at the start. That it was fine when they were eating together and then suddenly everyone ate sludge. I get that because as kids we don’t have societal expectations of gender just like how they don’t have to choose a gender until puberty. When we’re kids we don’t see gender as anything yet. We just play and hang out with other kids. Boys, girls, in between. It isn’t us that see’s kids as strange for wearing clothing that might be different, it’s the adults that do. If a girl wears a power rangers shirt kids will say it’s cool. If a boy wears a pink shirt none of the kids will bat an eye. It’s the adults who make one comment that it’s a “boys shirt and girls shirt” that gets imprinted on the kids minds forever because they’re little sponges and from then on they will never let go of that comment. Hinase is referring to that. That once upon a time as children they weren’t so different. They had no gender, no walls, no barriers. They were all just hanging out as friends and there was no stigma attached to it. Now suddenly everyone has to pay attention to how they walk and talk and dress and it’s exhausting how much pressure that is put onto them. Not to mention hurtful. So now they have to choose which accessory they’ll take on. The boys tie or the girls ribbon. Whichever it is...it’s permanent. In it’s own way that is. No one will ever look at Hinase and see “Hinase the person”. They will see “Hinase the boy” or “Hinase the girl”.

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Bottles

“The world treats you very differently…depending on whether your bottle is red or blue. It feels so suffocating…that you can’t just be different shades of purple. Some people can’t even bear to live with the idea of forcing down things that they don’t want just to survive.” -Hinase

We are all made up of different shapes and sizes. What’s inside us is also different and doesn’t often reflect what is on the outside. What we also do with our bodies is dress them up in different clothing to reflect how we feel on the inside. But everything in our lives right now has been color sorted. Boys get this color, girls get this color. There is no room for other shades when in reality we are all made up of a mix of both colors inside. No one is one or the other. What Hinase says about this quote is that we start out as see through bottles: completely gender less. That is until we grow up and take on either red or blue and then how you decorate your bottle is how you express yourself on the outside, but people treat you based on what you look like anyway so you still dress how you’re supposed to, decorating your “bottle” correctly. His metaphor made me cry and truly stuck with me.

Being fit into a box is suffocating and I know how it feels. In the end though Hinase picks a gender, but what I like about this is that despite having done so they don’t care. It’s left ambiguous which they choose which is the point of the story. Whether male or female, Hinase will always be Hinase. They are a person no matter what they’re body looks like. Your bottle does not define the person you are on the inside. Who you are is the color that resides in you. Whether that’s blue or red or transparent or purple or some other color that is mixed within the rainbow. You are you and everyone else is themselves and I hope that you understand that and are happy with that. The series is technically ten volumes long, but the last two are “What If” stories. If Hinase was a girl and if Hinase had been a boy which I feel defeats the purpose of the story. Hinase is Hinase and I feel I personally don’t need to know what gender they are. My personal canon is that the story ends at volume eight. It ended beautifully with them going off with the two best friends although they did not get with either of them which honestly I am fine with. I think they had a stronger friendship anyway because in the end the friends both understood that forcing their ideals onto Hinase was not okay. It took Ritsu longer to understand, but Shiori really was the one who genuinely told Hinase that they didn’t care what gender they ended up being which really made me happy. So that’s it. Thank you so much for reaching the bottom of the lake and thank you for reading! ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

“To those who are just like Mona Lisa: No matter how your body changes it’ll be okay. You will always be you. Be yourself and keep letting your beautiful colors bloom.” -Hinase

[bottomofthelayke]

What Is A Life Sim?

Harvest Moon Grand Bazaar came out in 2008 which is the time that I was in my 'everything must be anime themed' phase. I remember my mom letting me get one game at GameStop and although I was initially going to get a Pokémon game, something stopped when I saw the colorful box filled with cutesy anime characters on it. I ended up getting it and my life changed. I opened the inside and saw that you could not only get married, but also have a child all while farming your way into a happy go lucky little life. I was enchanted by the simplistic concept and through the manual there was one character in particular that I had an affinity to: Ivan. He was simply adorable. The crooked tie. The purple ensemble. The little smile and the fact he was a school teacher. Instantly I knew he was going to be the one I married so I picked the female character and got down to business. I've been a fan of the series ever since, having picked up every title since.

Harvest Moon wasn't my first introduction into the world of life simulations though. My very first taste was Animal Crossing: Population Growing for the Gamecube. A friend of mine had it and I would go to her house to play it. I begged my parents for it and for Christmas I finally got it. My own town to wander around in, building friendships, furnishing my house the way I want to, dressing up my character and I even would take my memory card to my friends house so we could go to each others towns. I felt like I was living a genuine life that I could escape to every day after school. My siblings and I created a game where we would personally fuck around with Resetti and reset the game multiple times to make him mad and when we did it enough times and he turned the game off, saying he would erase the game I genuinely screamed and panicked, thinking that my game was gone, until he game back on screen. I learned my lesson real quick...for about a day until Messin' With Resstti became our favorite game again.

I ended up playing every single Animal Crossing after that. Every Harvest Moon which eventually became Story of Seasons after the split between Natsume and Marvelous (always go with Story of Seasons now, they are the true Harvest Moon). Later other life sims came out of the wood work for me to play with. Rune Factory, Poptropica, Persona, Sims, Stardew Valley, Cat Tails Wild Woods Story, Natsu-mon: 20th Century Summer Kid, Attack of the Friday Monsters! A Tokyo Tale, Pokémon, Fantasy Life, Tomodachi Life, Dating Sims, etc. These are just some of the type of life sims I have played, however I do need to say this: most of these games I wouldn't even count as life sims. They are considered RPG's, not life sims. Just like how I feel a lot of people have lost the definition of what a "cozy game" is supposed to be. People are always hyping up the idea of cozy games as something you can curl up on the couch with and play at your own pace, yet technically you can do that with all video games and also a lot of so called "cozy games" have some dark themes that wouldn't exactly be considered "cozy". I think that term has become too loose, but I am getting off topic. How would I define a life simulator game, because I feel this could be different for everyone? Life Simulator (my definition): a game in which you control a character's life that never ends and every choice doesn't necessarily always have to have a consequence since the world is "open" to the player as well as the fact that there does not need to be a definitive story or tasks the player must take on to advance an overarching storyline that is detremential to a grand plot.

According to my defintion, this knocks out a good chunk of my games. The Sims is of course the textbook definition because it's the literal Sims. I remember I got so addicted to Sims 4 on my computer that I don't think I slept for weeks. My first Sims game was actually Sims 2 for the DS where you manage a hotel and honestly that feels like a fever dream and I definitely don’t remember it that well. Anyway in Sims 4, I got married, had a mansion and had like eight children. The Harvest Moon games I would consider a life sim game because despite needing to advance the story a little bit here and there to get to the end of the game, you were going to naturally accomplish the goals set out for you in the story anyway. Planting certain crops, winning cooking competitions, helping townsfolks, selling a certain amount of products, etc. You also aren't obligated to get married or have a child. Stardew Valley works the same way, just with more things to do, but both games can go on forever. The same goes with the Sims.

Now I'll talk about two games that I feel need a lot of attention that were definitely slept on. One does technically have an ending, but I would still consider this a life sim because after it is completed you get access to a New Game Plus where you can continue playing. Natsu-mon: 20th Century Summer Kid. This game needs much more love and attention than it has and I would dedicate an entire blog to it honestly. This game is a remake/remaster of the 2000 Japanese only game Boku no Natsuyasumi that has finally made its way to the West. It has a very minimal plot that feels like it takes a back seat most of the time and when you do it, it's so minimal that you will barely feel like you're doing it at all. The game itself is a lot like Animal Crossing where you play as a child in the countryside who catches bugs, fishes, explores an island (DLC), swims, talks to people, does little side quests for the villagers in town, collects things, etc. I would even go as far as to say it is a genuine cozy game. Cattails: Wild Wood Story is another game that needs far more attention. It's listed as a cozy life simulator game and I 100% agree with that. I think that Cattails is the type of game you can pick up and and it doesn't end. You go around and build up a colony of cats (as you are the leader and yes you're a cat), make friends, get married, go out and hunt for bugs and fish for you and the colony, have a liter of kittens, etc. What's nice is that once you have kittens you can choose to quit playing as your character and choose to play as one of your kittens as a New Game Plus so the game genuinely never ends. It's a real nice touch.

Now that I got the game that I consider life sims out of the way...let's talk about the games I consider NOT life sims. I'm sure people will get mad, but this is my PERSONAL opinion. Pokémon. I adore it to pieces and have played almost all of them, but it's not a life sim. It's an RPG where there are stakes and battling and lots of things to do. It's not something you can just casually pick up and play peacefully and expect to wander around and do whatever. Pokémon has actual core mechanics that must be followed and a real story that impacts the game. This is not a life sim. It may adhere to it's own rules in it's own world, but you do not control the world around it. The same goes for Rune Factory which might be controversial and it's another one of my top games. Rune Factory is very closely tied to Harvest Moon, however it is not the same because unlike Harvest Moon, Rune Factory is always about saving the world. There is always something going on in which your player needs to be the one to save the people and the townspeople from certain doom. You cannot advance the story without doing certain tasks and saving people. You cannot get married and you cannot havea child without doing these things either. Therefore, Rune Factory does not fall under the category of a life sim. It's not casual enough and is not the type of game where it revolves around you in the sense that you can just do whatever you wish.

I'm sure two that will be suprising are Tomodachi Life and Fantasy Life, but I have my reasons for this. Tomodachi Life gives you the ability to be God, a simple observer in a world where little Mii's are walking around and having their own realtionships and having their own lives. Yes you can influence things around them subtely, but other than that, you aren't actively participating. In essence, Tomodachi Life is more so a more advance tamagotchi which I know sounds harsh but this is coming from someone who loves Tomodachi Life and is eagerly awaiting the Switch release. You are not walking around yourself and while you can intereact with your Mii's, you are doing so as an outside perspective and the Mii's openly acknowledge that to the player that you are not a Mii like they are. To them, you are almost like a person who cares for them so therefore it is not a life simulation because you are not an active player in the game. Moving onto Fantasy Life it's more so that the plot is it's set back. You are having to save the world like in Rune Factory and although you can switch between different lives freely in order to boost stats and help people with tasks, you are still needed for an overarching plot. Your character in Fantasy Life is someone who has to be actively participating in the world and the game cannot physically continue without you progressing the story. I understand that every game needs some sort of story progression, but if the game needs you to actively go around and accompish certain tasks while reminding you that you are needed for the overall story then thats when it ceases to be a casual life sim where you can do whatever you want.

Next I'll talk about another game that has been slept on that I adore but is sadly not a life sim either (I wouldn't count it): Attack of the Friday Night Monsters! A Tokyo Tale. This game is just great. I think I honestly put it up here more so to bring attention to it because how good it is. I love this little game and it's not really a game per se as much as it is just a little story that doesn't take too long to complete but what I like is that the characters are all very interesting, the plot is curious and whimsical and it has that child like wonder that makes me feel like I'm a kid again (Natsu-Mon does that even more so and if you haven't PLEASE check that one out I'm begging you, it's so good). But also there are events that happen that have nothing to do with the plot as well and yet the plot itself is so weird and zany that you can't help but love this game. However, despite how much I love it, I cannot in good confidence call it a life sim because it's too simple and too one dimensional. It's a one and done storyline. There isn't much to do once the plot is done (the game isn't long) and once all the collectibles are found the game is completely done. That's it. You don't need to play anymore honestly. There also isn't any replayability so it's not a game that can go on forever.

Since we are talking about childhood let's step backwards to when I was a kid and I was obsessed with Poptropica if anyone knows what that is. Exploring islands, saving each island and the world from certain doom while my little character ducked, tumbled flew, and talked their way to victory. I saved each island in various ways: time traveling, god like powers, superhero, a spy, even a prison break. This is also exactly why this isn't a life sim, because the game had you complete various islands which were to save the world so that wasn't open ended. Once the island was complete it was done. You didn't need to go back even though you made your own little person you were kind of done after that. So Poptropica is definitely out.

Something I want to touch on briefly is Persona and Dating sims. Persona is classified as a mix between RPG and life sim with a tiny bit of a dating sim considering you can date. With that being said it's more so RPG in my mind since to advance the plot you need to dungeon crawl at night and even though during the day you're going to school and hanging out with your friends, the central focus is actually on the fighting mechanic so that's why I wouldn't call this a life simulator that is by my definition where it's open ended and is more casual and you can determine what you do everyday without consequences. There are lots of stakes in the Persona series. The same can be said about dating sims. I am a huge sucker for dating sims and even with the word simulation in it, I know for a fact that it's a loose term. Dating simulations have consequences and the same goes for visual novels with choice mechanics. You are an active participant, but do not have an avatar. Your character is a CG usually seen for events with the other characters. You get limited choices that are usually two to three that dictate how the story will branch off. That is it. You are not in control of much else. You play as a pre-established character with their own backstory and personality and you step into their world and their role, but you are not getting to make your own person. Your choices are also very linear to the plot despite branching into different outcomes, they will all come together to stick to the same story. You are locked in.

I could go deeper into this and also talk about the Metaverse as well, but I'm trying to strictly stick with video games. Yes, a Meta Quest for example does have games, but I'm not sure I want to go down that rabbit hole right now. I guess if I were to do a quick conclusion if that would classify as a life simulator then yes. You are connecting with other people which is very different than the other video games since in those they were NPC's, but I never said they had to be real or the computer. In the Metaverse there is no plot since it's not truly a video game. Yes you can play various video games in it with other players, but it's your choice on what you do. You can run around different hubs. You can go to a central area and talk to people. You can design your avatar and do something more lowkey and hang out with friends or simply explore. Even go to a concert or attend special events. You can essentially do anything you want. The possibilities are genuinely endless. I know this one might not be in the realm of video games like the other ones, but yes, I would count something like this as a life sim because you are literally playing as yourself, doing what you want and the expereince never ends.

As always, if you read this thanks for making it to the bottom of the lake. I know this went off topic several times and honestly, maybe it was just an excuse to gush about some underrated video games that I believe are gems that you should definitely check out, but overall I hope you liked reading this. Thanks!

[bottomofthelayke]

What Could Go Wrong? Traveling for the Holidays

I remember my mom triple checking I had everything constantly while she walked me to the gate, talking extensively to the person who would help me, giving me money to get food, the embarrassment of it all. Then on the plane I was checked on numerous times even as a teenager when it became unnecessary. The people who walked me made conversation constantly and I always mumbled some kind of response about school because what else do you talk to a kid about? Now I understand they were feeling as awkward as me. Then I would get picked up at the terminal by my father and everything was fine. Same with when I went back home and saw my mother. I got different reactions when I saw the two. My dad would instantly want to do everything under the sun the moment I landed even though I was exhausting. Not necessarily a bad thing though. We fished, camped, rode the motorcycle into the mountains, ate so much junk food I puked in the sleeping bag (yes), swam in the river, and rode around in his bus. It was freeing. Then I saw my mom and she was strict as hell and structure was back, but she did want to hear all about it.

However, I never had problems on fights. My entire childhood and young adult life, flying has been pleasant. I flew perfectly fine. I’ve heard horror stories of things where people talk about how horrible flying can be (I’m looking at you Spirit) but I had never experienced things like that…until last year.

Until I get into last year, let me talk about a tiny incident that happened a few years before that. Very minor though, almost not worth talking about but I’ll note it regardless. A snow storm hit when I was going back to see my mother and she, my typical mother, panicked. She thought the worst and thought that if she talked to the staff that they could control the weather. After texting back and forth about me saying that I genuinely stuck at the airport with no way to leave she called and said something along the lines of, “Give the phone to someone. I want to talk to someone. This is ridiculous.” Embarrassed beyond belief at my mother’s Karen mode I had no choice but to give the phone over after some arguing only to get the phone back to (surprise!) find that nothing could be done. Luckily that incident didn’t last long because I was only at the airport for another six hours, but what I think she fails to understand is that I thrive in airports. They are genuinely my second homes. I went so often for holidays and summers that I know those same airports like the back of my hands to the point that if a new place cropped up or was replaced I would know. I even recognized the staff each time I was there. My parents accumulated so many frequent flyer points from just me alone that my tickets were dirt cheap. I loved flying. It was no hassle. Hours of just playing my Gameboy or reading? What’s not to love? It was easier than our road trips (although flying wasn’t as exciting, it definitely was more relaxing), but I won’t talk about that now.

Covering that, last year is when I learned what it means to have a true horror story that can occur to someone who flies. Before it had been smooth sailing for me for flying. Five stars. Now I questioned it. I had two connecting flights in two separate places which happens and is completely normal for me. What’s not normal is both got delayed due to weather. But before that TSA stopped me because I had these giant Shugo Chara eggs I got as a birthday gift from my best friend attached to my backpack and that might have been one of the most embarrassing things to have happened to me, to be stopped by TSA and questioned what they are and fumble with my explanation that no sir, they are not dangerous, they are just huge keychains made of wood. I also had to halt the line for everyone else. Moving on. The first flight also made us switch flights. Then that first one had to do an emergency landing due to a part of the wing acting up (for the life of me I don’t remember what) so we had to land in a new spot. Luckily my best friend lived in that town thankfully so I could spend the night there which was the first time I saw them in about two years, but we barely caught up since it came at 1am and I had to make it back at 6am. I remember distinctly talking to a man next to me who was with me when we all got the news. Everyone groaned, complained and yelled. I stood there trying to figure out what to do. He shrugged and said he was fine because his company would hook him up wherever he went. He talked about how they’ll pay for full on breakfast and such. He went on to say how everyone else was being dramatic. Well apparently his company doesn’t cover emergency landings so he had to sleep at the airport.

Onto my second flight which was just as disastrous as the first. Another delay due to weather. Switched flights to another gate. I slept at the airport because I had to stay there for twelve hours overnight and this time I had no one to stay with. It was exhausting. My mother was frazzled and my father was worried but in a much more calm and rational way. When I finally made it back to the ground to get my suitcase I found out that they left my luggage back on the first flight when I switched planes and went through that last ordeal. I remember thinking one thing in that moment…

Murphey’s Law: states that if something can go wrong it will go wrong

And oh man was I proving that right. I got home, felt dizzy because it took three hours to get home from there, basically passed out, slept little (I would assume the fatigue made it hard to sleep for some reason), ate as much possible since I barely ate, and then finally crashed for probably twelve hours. I got my suitcase back three days later.

With the holidays knocking on our door in a couple days I’m flying again and it’s been another chaotic experience. I feel like ever since I stopped needing hand holding to fly the world decided to kick my ass when it came to the skies. Two flights again. I got four hours of sleep again because I naturally stay up and can’t change my internal clock on a whim and my flight was early. I get here and thankfully getting through TSA wasn’t a hassle although they had new scanners and gear which was very high teach. No longer do I have to take out every electronic device I own. It was nice and sleek. It reminded me of when I got to stop taking off my shoes after a bit. I quite liked it.

I went through, got to my Gate and waited two hours. Standard and relaxing but then it began. A delay. Not a normal delay. Weather. Two hour delay. But luckily after that I got on and I had a nice seat at the very back which was roomey and rarely happens. Last time I got a whole row to myself and maybe that should have been my first clue things were going to go south again. A woman sat in front of me with three children under three. I won’t go into much detail over what happened but let’s just say gentle parenting doesn’t work when the kids are throwing things, shrieking and coughing in your face. People also had to constantly come over and repeatedly ask her to control the kids. Passengers as well. For someone who woke up early and had earbuds in, I couldn’t sleep at all and could hear them the entire flight. When she got off people instantly talked about her which I did feel awkward and bad about but she didn’t do much to control them on a three hour flight so honestly I don’t blame anyone. Even I was at my wits end which is saying a lot since I love kids.

Actually getting off was hard too because with the crazy delay I had twenty minutes to make it to my gate on the other side of the airport. It would be insane. I was forced to stay on the first flight because they needed to get a wheelchair for one passenger and I was hopping from foot to foot until finally we could go. I zoomed and found my gate, waving my ticket like in a movie. I got to my gate huffing and puffing, asking like a mad person if I was late. They were just about to close the doors and were calling last minute boarders. I have never been so lucky. I thanked Arceus and scanned my boarding pass and got into the full airplane and sat down with a racing heart, not believing that I actually made it.

I made this mostly to showcase how crazy the holidays are when people travel…I guess? Or maybe just to show how crazy my holidays are when I travel. Or at least lately. Hopefully this doesn’t happen too much with you guys. Or maybe I just wanted to share some little experience with you guys for fun.

Anyway, if you guys made it this far thank you so much for making it to the bottom of the lake. There are some photos I took above the clouds and my tamagotchi had a baby just in time for the holidays which is cute. So happy holidays from me if you celebrate anything at all and if not have a wonderful day!

[bottomofthelayke]

Pixels Helped My Loneliness

When I was eight years old I had a best friend who introduced me to both Animal Crossing on the Gamecube (also changed my life) and the wonderful world of Tamagotchi. She had the Tropical Shell V3 and I remember being completely enamored by this little digital pet that beeped at you for attention and lived inside a little egg. I wanted one badly, but my parents thought that it would be one of those things that I would want and then promptly discard a little later. I trailed around the house, nipping at my parents heels and begging for them to get me one to no avail until finally my grandfather who lived with us at the time took me to Toys R Us where he bought me one. The last one to be exact. It was the Zebra Print V3, the ugliest thing I had ever seen. I was hoping to get a cute design like my friend but unfortantely beggers can't be choosers so there I was with a little friend in a terrible shell, but I loved it all the same.

I remember being so excited that I couldn't wait to get home so I opened it right there in the car. I had a girl and not understand the difference between Username and Name I just assumed it wanted my name twice so I named it my name so there I had a little girl with my name. She was beautiful and she was mine and thus began my obsession.

I took her everywhere and we grew to a close bond. My parents quickly realized that this was not going to be a passing phase when I brought it on vacations and carried it with me out. I learned how to raise it properly and when the next generations came and went I was proud to be called a parent to new babies. It gave me a fulfillment that only a little elementary schooler could have. That Christmas my aunt gave me another one that I still have to this day. The Starry Sky shell, another V3 and it was then that I discovered connecting and that was probably the most exciting thing ever. I remember when two my Memetchi's got married I was at my dad's house sitting on a stool still on that same vacation and they kissed. Fireworks lit up and two little boys appeared on the screen as they each exchanged one twin. I think I must have squealed or shouted because I ran to my dad to show him and he probably pretended to be as excited as I was. After that the twins saw each other mulltiple times a day. I remember their names clearly: Zack and Cody. I still love that show. My friend and I would meet on the playground at school along with our other best friend who didn't have one, but wanted one, along with his little brother. He was always interested and nice about our interest.

I remember in fifth grade that best friend moved away and I was still playing with those same tamagotchi's. I met a new friend, but she wasn't into them nor was she into gaming or books which was a big part of my life. I didn't mind though since we just got along and played on the playground together. We went to the new school that had just opened up that year, we played 'kickety-kick-ball' (yes that's what I called it, don't judge) and we were both bullied by the same two little boys because we were at the age where boys and girls were starting to seperate. I wished this didn't happen because I wanted my old guy friends back since I didn't feel like much of a girl back then, but didn't see the difference in gender, but I did a whole other blog on that. Anyway, I would bring my tamagotchi to school and play with it inside my desk then quickly shove it inside when the teacher walked by and this became a habitual habit all the way up until middle school. At my first middle school I was blessed with friends and had a small, but good friend group. I never told anyone about my virtual babies, because I didn't want to seem weird. I wanted to fit in although now looking back I'm sure they wouldn't have found it weird at all. One of my friends wore a dog collar to school and another wore red contacts and occassionally said he was a vampire and we thought we were cool. I think I would have been just fine.

Yet the more years that went by the more I weirdly felt lonely and that was because of home. Growing up I had strained relationship with my parents. They got mad over every little thing and called me sensitive or over dramatic. I was a shy kid who flinched when someone yelled and our house was full of raised voices for years. It got better when I left and became, however it took that long and that's why it was a problem. I have siblings and while I'm grateful that they didn't expereince all of that like I did it still hurt for many years that I was the one who took the brunt of that. Even now my parents have admitted that they weren't the best parents. They weren't. However they did the best with what they had. They were young and inexperienced and I was their first child. They didn't know what to do with a child like me. I was different. Very much so. No one knows what to do with a child who is different and I came with a lot of problems. All they knew how to do was try to tackle those problems head on and when I didn't listen or when I didn't understand they yelled and got frusterated and I recoiled and cried. It was a never ending cycle. I can't blame them, but I now flinch when someone raises their voice. I cry easy and I'm terrified of things I shouldn't be. I'm working on it. Trying to. Slowly. Now we have a much better relationship though. We joke and I talk to them frequently. They've mellowed out and I can confidently talk to them about a wide array of things. Not everything of course, but I'm far more comfortable which is good. I love them and have never not (except those teenage years of course), but now I don't fear making the wrong comment and having their head explode like before.

Growing up with parents like that made me retreat into comfort objects. A lot of things gave me comfort, but one of the biggest ones was tamagotchi. Tamagotchi's became a huge staple for me because I had little friends that never hurt me, never teased me, never said hurtful words to me that made me feel small. They needed me just as much as I realized I needed them. I remember visiting my great grandmother's house and there used to a tree in the front yard where there was a plastic yellow baby swing and I hooked my Red Butterlies V4.5 tama to it and swung it like a real baby. These were my version of dolls because I didn't have any. I stood there for a solid hour just swinging it. I used to talk to them, write about them in my journals, I had blogs about them on TamaTalk and took photos of them in various places. They were genuinely my friends, children, pets, whatever you want to call them, they were there for me whenever I didn't have anyone around. Naturally of course my younger siblings wanted to play with them so I let them, hanging them around their neck on a lanyard and terrified the entire time that they would kill them, but I got them back at the end of the day and they were miraculously alive. Neglected, but alive. I remember once I went into the garage for about an hour or so and I had put my tamagotchi down. When I came back inside I couldn't find it. That night there was a thunderstorm and I thought I left it in the rain since I went out into the rain. I was in a full blown panic. I cried and had a panic attack only to find it in a little part of the kitchen counter hidden, putting it there so one of the kids couldn't get to it. I was so relieved I cried again.

More years passed and my steadily collection grew. I got more tamagotchi's and even found another V4.5 at the park in middle school that I swooped up and since it was abandoned and lying in the grass it was mine to take home. My parents seeing that this wasn't going away let me finally get the V5, then the V5.5 then the Music Star and so on. I was addicted. I remember fondly going to K-Mart and getting the add on figures for the TamaTown Tama-Go with my grandmother. She was fine with letting me get as many as I wanted. I also had several of the Tama-Go's. Green, blue, black and white. I moved out and kept gaining more and when I realized I could buy Japanese exclusives I set out on that journey too and the rest is history.

It was funny the different ways that I took my tamagotchi's to school though. I needed to bring them everywhere and I talked to them constantly. I pretended that I had just "adopted" and needed to care for them. In middle school it was easier to have them around, however high school is where it got tricky and with the sound off I would bend head down or have my back on the floor with it in the bag and my hand inside as well to play a game with it to keep it skinny. College lecture classes were easy, but smaller classes I didn't exactly have a choice with those since college is a whole other ballgame. Also when I was at work I would play with my tamagotchi as well along with my gameboy SP which my coworkers thought was the most biazaar thing in the world considering I was the youngest person there and I worked with older people. I remember trying to explain what a tamagotchi was to a coworker and all she responded with was, "Oh yeah. My daughter had one when she was nine." That was the end of that conversation.

Now older and wiser, I can obtain the Japanese versions which with the langauge barrier is a bit tricky, but thanks to the internet I've been able to maneuver around it. Now with my bigger collection of more Japanese than English tama's I'm thankful that I'm able to collect as many as I have over the years. Some have went because of financial reasons and some I've been able to trade for ones I've actually really wanted, but in the end I'm happy that I found a community online that likes the same thing I do. However it would be nice if I could meet people who like them as much as I do. Yes, I know people online, but I don't actually know them. I know them as in they comment on my status, but we don't talk more than that. At least my pixel pets are there for me, especially through my hardest of moments. I've noticed that I don't run them as much as I used to, but when I do it's usually when I'm going through a rough patch because they'll always be there for me. They are the friend you know will always be there for you no matter what and I think that's special. They are probably why I like the idea of AI so much, because I bonded with such little digital friends all the way back when I was a kid.

On that note I want to talk a little about the versions I've played with over the years, whether I own them or not. This will be just a tiny little excerpt of what I think of them. Not too in depth at all, it might even just be a sentence and it'll only be the ones I've played with. So here it is even though no one asked:

•P1/P2: Cute, very simple, but I got bored after the second generation, Japanese and English are the same except you get a secret character for the Japanese. I have several. I even have the Chogokin collaboration, but mostly for collection purposes. They're making too many at this point if I'm being honest.

•Angel: Super cute, but again, you can only play for a couple generations, but I do like it a lot. Definitely worth playing though.

•Osu/Mesu: I have it for collection purposes. After playing it for one generation the thrill of connecting wore off. Infared spoiled me. Although its cool that this was how connecting worked back in the day. It's pretty boring all in all.

•Morino: Fun, but...I can't get it past the cocoon stage which pisses me off. It makes me so mad. The cold and hot temperature is always so hard to me and I don't know why.

•Ocean: ....don't even get me started. So I have the Japanese one and I have TRIED my hardest to get the mermaid character and it takes excellent care to get it and no matter what I can't get it and it hurts my soul. I can never never get it. It's great though. I love it, but dammit does it hurt my soul.

•V2: Got it from a friend where I traded. I don't remember what I traded, but I ended up liking it a lot. Simple yet fun and I ended up getting a couple more after that. That was also where I discovered best Mametchi. Peak Mametchi design. Fat Mametchi. Derpy Mametchi is best Mametchi. I had only known him from the V3 but when I discovered his first design (I hadn't played the other versions with this design yet), I realized we went backwards with Mametchi. We should bring his original back. Let's start a petition honestly.

•V3: Good and it was my first, but now as an adult I can say that I had nostalgia glasses on. It's cute don't get me wrong and fun, but it wouldn't keep my attention much nowadays. As a kid it was god tier though.

•Keitai: My favorite connection hands down. Love it to pieces. Simple yes, but it is much more in depth than the American V3 and its a bit closer to the V2 so it's a mix of the V2 and V3. It's just so adorable and fun and anyone who is looking for a Japanese connection I would highly reccommend a Keitai. I have several and am currently running my Japanese melon soda.

•Entama Ciao: The shell is beyond cute, but it's a bit confusing and difficult. The jobs are all over the place and so are the games. It's hard to care for and the language barrier is hard to get past if you don't know Japanese. So just a word of warning.

•V4.5: I enjoyed it. It's a more in depth version of the V4 and despite having never owned a V4 I understood what it was, however my complaint was the characters. I didn't like how they looked. I thought they were ugly as hell. But I liked the jobs. I thought they were fun but then it got hard to remember to bring them to school, to get them the job I wanted, etc. However overall it was fun and I did play for a while.

•V5: I liked it for what it was. I played many generations and tried to get as many families as possible and my uncreative ass just named them my last name. However I didn't like that the main child was always the oldest so it felt like you were only playing with one tamagotchi. It didn't really feel like a "family".

•V5.5: Ah yes royalty. Basically the same as the V5. Nothing really new to add except the mini games are different and more fun. That's about it. The characters are cooler too and I like having a prince and princess. That's always cute.

•Music Star: I hate this thing. I never understood it. It was so difficult to start a band. I could never get it to play an instrument correctly and overall it was too difficult to the point where I never had fun. Overall it was so frusterating that it just wasn't fun. I never wanted to play it. I played it a couple times and then got bored pretty fast.

•TamaTown Tama-Go: I appreciate that they did something different with this one. The figures are adorable and the add on games and items are fun. I like that both parents stay with the baby as I felt more connected and I felt like it was real parenting. My only complaint is weirdly that it feels cheaply made and is way too big. Is that dumb?

•Tamagotchi Friends: This felt like it was trying too hard and like it was riding on the success of the Tama-Go. It was chunky like the Tama-Go, but the features were limited and it had no figures. I didn't have any fun with it. Sure it was cute aesthetically, but everything about it was incredibly lackluster.

•Tamagotchi Plus Color: Oh man I love this thing! Yes the plus color is simple, but it is the first color tamagotchi and damn did it live up to the hype. It's expensive, but worth it. It is so cute and fun. You get to travel, plant things, have a backyard, the screen is nice and it's overall just so pleasing to have. I adore the plus color. It is incredibly worth it, 100%. It was a wonderful start to the color series, but it's a shame that we didn't get it in the States and the language barrier is not a problem with it. It's very simple to understand since it works basically like the connections, but with that very much needed upgrade. I unlocked the the most expensive house upgrade with this thing and got all the items, it's so fun to play with. It can even be modded into English.

•IDL: Introduced downloads with cellphones. We got an expanded version of the color and revamped it. More characters, more places to go and so much more to do. We get pets that you can adopt and you can visit your tamagotchi's parents and eat at their house, you can go to restaurants and the character list to get is a good size. I also appreciate that there are "goals". It feels almost like a video game where you can go throughout each generation and find out what you tama likes and accomplish tasks to get all four symbols. It's super fun to do. Being a gamer completionist that I am it feeds that itch I have in me. It even has an English version, although sadly it was only released in certain countries and it's rare as hell to find.

•P's: It's just fantastic. That's all I can say. If you have a Japanese cellphone then congratulations, you are one of the lucky few who can mod to English and get literally anything you want on it. However one of the biggest plus's of this device is the pierces you have to buy, but that's also it's biggest downsides. Pierces. The add ons. Luckily I had the cellphone and I remember having Mao from Chibi Devi for the longest time on there because I adore him. I believe he was on a pierce though...I can't remember though. Point being it's a great device and if you can afford it, get one, however get ready to drop some serious cash on it. I highly reccommend getting the cellphone with it so you don't really have to get that many pierces for it. The pierces are really what you need to make it fun or the phone. By itself it's good, but its more of an upgraded IDL and where the P's really shines is with those add on's.

•4U: Not a fan. You need to be in Japan to really enjoy this thing, because it has a sensor on the back to tap around certain places. The upside is it has different variations of the characters that you can turn them into depending on what you expose them to/care for them which is cool I guess, but overall I don't like it. I think it's boring.

•M!x: I can't believe I liked it as much as I did. I must have done at least twenty different generations. The idea that you baby could look like it's parent was just wild and I absolutely loved it. I thought it was revolutionary. Super fun. No complaints honestly. It's fun and despite being simple compared to the other gene mixing tama's I do really adore it. Crazy to think this is where it all started.

•Meets/On: I had many versions of the Meets and On. They were all good. An upgrade of the M!x and all enjoyable. My favorite was the Sanrio and Sweets Meets. On was okay, but the Japanese versions was good (Japanese tama's will always be superior, let's be real). I am a huge Little Twin Stars fan so the fact that my tama's can marry Kiki and Lala and get their superior genetics was just peak.

Paradise: I was so excited for this one that I got two right out the gate only for it to be dashed away within two generations. It literally is a tamagotchi collecting system where you just watch them like a scientist observing. I now understand the gimmick, but it’s super boring and for someone like me who wants to connect with their little digital friend I feel a huge disconnect and absence from my character. So overall I’m not a fan of this one which really bums me out. It’s a cool concept but not my cup of tea.

•Mini: Eh. I don't really play with them. I got a white one on my backpack but it's not on. It's more a keychain than anything in my eyes. Nothing to really play with and not a real virtual pet to me.

•Gudetama: Fun to complete to roster, but after about five I stopped playing honestly. It was pretty monotonous. I understand the appeal since Japan is a bit morbid, but the idea of purposly ending my tamagotchi to get a new "character" just feels wrong and I don't get to connect with it so I stopped.

•Eevee: I thought I would have more fun with this one considering how much I love Pokémon but I know it's because I'm not an eevee person. However it was fun while it lasted. I made it to Jolteon and Vaporeon and then I stopped, which is crazy because they aren't even my favorites. My favorite is Umbreon like the generic ass I am. However I didn't feel the need to go and get the others so I got bored and set it down and haven't touched it since.

•Pac-Man: This was a total impulse buy I can't even lie. Collection purpose. I display it. That's it. It's cool on my wall.

•Miku: This doesn't get enough attention in my opinion. I like it a lot, however it's hard to get anything, but Miku which is sad because my favorite Vocaloid is Rin, but I've never gotten her. All I get is Miku. However just like any nano, it falls under the category of "get's old real fast". The games are fun though, but outside of that, it doesn't have much going for it. You can play the games for maybe five minutes, put it down and wait for it to call for you. I know you do that with other tama's but this one is one of my favorite franchise's so I would really love for them to expand on it. It's such a beloved franchise that they need to make this an actual tama. Maybe someday.

•Hello Kitty: They gotta stop making these nano's. Again, you play for a few minutes and you get bored. It only has Hello Kitty and I got Mametchi and he got a bow and that was it. I played for maybe a few days and never picked it up.

So yes. I have a problem and I don't care. Maybe I'll do a review one of these days. That could be fun. Anyway why did I go off on a tangent that even I rose an eyebrow at? Because I wanted to showcase that over the years I really have learned to appreciate all that Bandai has provided us on the tamagotchi front and that they have become a large part of my life. When my parents fought or when I needed them because of my parents, tama's were there. When I was bullied I had something to fall back on. I had a friend constantly. I remember taking them to the park and literally putting them at the top of the slide and having them slide down and watching them fall, calling out to them and asking them if they had fun (way back when I didn't care if they had scratches). To me they were real. They felt things just as much as anyone else did. What someone saw as a toy I saw as my best friend. I even made shoe box houses for them, complete with cotton ball beds, pizza table...tables, and I would keep the shoebox in the corner of the room which was their area. I even slept with them under my pillow and gave them personalities. I remember in middle school in the middle of my eighth grade year we moved to another state. I was devastated to leave my friends and every night I cried in the new house. I started up several of my tamagotchi's and they all told me they would be okay since they would be there with me. I took them with me to school in my backpack. I was bullied that entire semester, but I would sneak off to the bathroom and stare down at them, take a deep breath, push a few buttons and go back to class.

They were real and they were mine. Now as an adult I might not push them on a swing or feed them cheetos, but they still accompany me on trips and now that I don't wake up early they beep to wake me up and I feel grumpy as I open my bleary eyes and take care of them anyway because I love them. Because they were there for me all those years ago when I needed them most.

If you ended up reading this thank you so much for making it to the bottom of the lake as always. Sorry this was long as hell and all over the place. I'm running my melon soda Keitai like I said so I'll include a photo. Have a good day everyone!

*Side note: Sorry for the lack of photos at the end. Forgot Tumblr has a limit.

[bottomofthelayke]

Why Alastor Shouldn't Be Redeemed

Spoilers for Hazbin Hotel

I am a total Alastor simp. I would let Alastor do dirty, dirty things to me. He is hot, has that old timey presense, suave in his own way, I can't get enough of that voice, and...did I mention hot? When I saw how much hotter he got in Season 2 it was not fair. Sinful. The shots they gave us was unhealthy. Anyway, I've always had a thing for villains which if you stick around long enough, you'll start to see a trend with that statement. I don't care if the man is asexual, he is fictional and I am queer and real, therefore I can fantasize all I want about him. Let me have my fun.

However we aren't here to talk about how much I love this psycho (even though I want to). We're here to talk about redemption and why Alastor shouldn't get that. The plot of Hazbin Hotel has always been that Charlie created the hotel because she believes that sinners can be redeemed of their sins on Earth and go to Heaven. No one in Hell believes this is possible until Sir Pentious is able to get into Heaven through sacrificing himself for Cherri. The story of Hazbin Hotel really hasn't changed despite Season 1 and 2 having very different villains and arcs. It's all the same, redeem sinners, show that demons are good, show that Heaven can be good as well since they exterminated said demons. Same song and dance. However in Season 2 we got a broader view of the Overlords, other demons, Heaven itself and what demons think of angels. The main plotline we got to focus on though was Alastor and Vox with their backstory and how they became rivals. Yet it's not so much that Alastor see's Vox as a rival, more so that Vox saw him as a potential partner (disregard the romantic sense right now) to rule over Hell and Alastor literally laughed in his face to which Vox never recovered.

I bring this up because it shows that Alastor never was a team player. Clearly. However the man is a hyprocrite. He says that Vox needed others to get to where he is today yet he himself needed Rosie to become the strongest demon in all of Hell which is how he rose to become an Overlord. Now we get into how Alastor was already a serial killer before he went to Hell, which isn't exactly uncommon for demons down there which we saw with Vox and I'm sure with some other demons we haven't met yet. He used the blood of his victims to summon Rosie so that he could be powerful down in Hell and then died the next day. Not to mention that he got too big for his britches in Season 1 by going up again against Adam and losing. So he goes to Rosie for her to fix her staff only for her to laugh in HIS face and say, “HAHAHAHAHA…no. You’ll have to do this on your own.” Literally. Which to his credit he does of course. However the fact that Alastor thought that he was so powerful he could take on an angel is still comical (and stupid) because it was clear by Rosie’s contract that he would be the strongest demon in Hell, nothing more. But we also see in this season, him being treated as her little pet (for the song ‘Don’t You Forget’) where she continues to remind him that he has no out and he has to do as she says. In that entire interaction he’s acting like a pissed off teenager who is being told no for the first time. It’s humbling to watch him get knocked down pegs honestly. As an Alastor simp and lover, I found it adorable and exciting because I knew he would figure something out. From an outside perspective….he had it coming and it was satisfying to watch the fearsome Radio Demon being treated as someone else’s toy for a change.

One quick thing to add to that is something I’ve seen float around online. During the course of Season 2, I saw some people growing increasingly frustrated with Alastor because he was purposely allowing himself to be humiliated by Vox. Of course he took it in stride and yes, people knew he had something cooking up, but fans were irritated that Alastor wasn’t doing anything. What annoys me about people like this is that I don’t like characters who are Gods. Back in the pilot Alastor was the legendary Radio Demon who did all these gruesome things that set up who he was to the audience and I love that. Then throughout the show we actually get to meet him which again, love it. Then the moment he shows weakness people begin to turn on him only for those same people to become his fans again when he defeats Vox by saying, “Never doubted him for a second”. Annoying. However, putting the fans aside for a second, I still cannot stand when writers create characters that are seen as Gods. Characters that have flaws make for good stories. He doesn’t need a tragic backstory to be good. Did he ultimately win against Vox all because of this master plan? Yes? However the fact that even the almighty Overlord, the fearsome Radio Demon himself, lost against Adam and Niffty of all people ended up killing the first man is definitely a bruise to the ego (it would be for me anyway). He even mentions in the song with Rosie, “And since you made me disappear, my name inspires much less fear-“, that he feels demons don’t take him as seriously as before. Alastor was gone for seven years and then suddenly reappears only for some demons to not take him as seriously anymore which to Alastor is unacceptable. In his mind he is someone who needs to be feared and shown much more respect than which brings me to my next point.

Alastor has always been self serving. The man has never been helpful. He summoned Rosie to become powerful in Hell, getting cocky that he would be squared away when he went down and not thinking of the consequences. When he died, yes he was powerful, but he was on a leash. He was forced to work at the Hazbin Hotel (why, we don't know yet and I won't speculate here), and because of that he won't help anyone unless it serves him a purpose. He puts the princess of Hell on a leash, Husk on a chain and possibly (?) Niffty. We know for sure that Husk sold his soul to Alastor as well so Alastor has that insurance going for him in case he ever needs something. Niffty I have no idea. Throughout the show we see Alastor only doing things unless he wants to. Vaggi asks if he will shoot a commercial for the hotel. Unless he wants to, he won't. Will he help around the hotel? Only if he finds it amussing, but really, he has to stay at the hotel because Rosie is forcing him (something we don't realize until Season 2). Everything he does is for himself and only himself, even if not everyone (Charlie) realizes it. He figured out a plan to not only get out of his contract with Rosie, but use his old deal with Charlie from the end of Season 1 to also take down Vox. He played Vox like a violin and when the time came he struck. Even when all of Hell was about to be destroyed he didn't seem to care. Or more so, he might have cared, but knew that it was one of those things where if he twiddled his thumbs long enough Rosie would have given in no matter what. No matter what, Rosie was going to give in and make a contract with him.

Bottom line, Alastor is a straight up bastard who should not be redeemed, but it's not because he doesn't deserve it. The point of the show is that everyone is capable of change. Everyone can be saved and everyone is able to get to Heaven because everyone is capable of good. That sort of thing. Charlie preaches it and now that Season 2 has wrapped up everyone in Hell knows it. That's great and dandy. Awesome. Alastor is a bad guy because of all the things I said. He is self serving. He doesn't care about anyone truly. He makes contracts left and right only to use them to his own advantage. Not to mention he didn't ever stop murdering when he got down to Hell, but that part kind of comes with the package of being a demon in Hell/being a powerful Overlord. He's the Radio Demon. Broadcasting screams of his victims over the radio became his thing. He had to become even more powerful and had to become a boogeyman of sorts. Plus Alastor is a killer at heart. He can't stop what he loves. None of those things are the reason Alastor shouldn't be redeemed. He shouldn't be redeemed simply because he doesn't want to. He’s a downright psychopath with who loves to murder and fuck with people with his mind games. He’s living the dream down there. He’s a sicko. I love it.

Alastor is one of those people who doesn't want to change. He is proudly and unapologetically himself. He is powerful and dangerous, he has spent years becoming the Radio Demon that he would never want to be somethig as "lowly" as an angel where he would have no power. He would want to continue massacring and taking over Hell as he has been because Hell is his playground and Heaven is his Hell. I'm sure the idea of being in Heaven surrounded by what we saw with Sir Pentious would wipe that damn grin off his face finally. Sir Pentious held a gun up to his head when he first got there and he's the softest guy we got in the show so yeah, I think we can safely say that Alastor wouldn't last in Heaven.

We also should address something here too. Why is Alastor always smiling? He smiled all the time back on Earth as we saw when he was human. I want to get to this before I talk about him as an overall antagonist. Why does Alastor smile? Tragic backstory? I hope not. I’ll touch on this later, but not everyone needs one to be a good bad guy. Really, you can be terrible just to be terrible and I hope that’s the case with Alastor. However I am curious to see how they explain his smile and “what’s underneath”. I am going to assume it’s the fact he was on Rosie’s leash and was miserable from it but knowing the layers of this show, I’m going to give it props and say it’s definitely something more.

Now…I like villain's. As I stated before, villain's are good characters, they make for interesting plots and they always have a damn good backstory (which we saw before). Now Alastor is not a villain right now. I don't classify him as one at the moment, but he is building up to be one so as of right now he is a antagonist. He doesn't openly oppose Charlie because he hasn't outright hurt her. If anything he has "helped" her. Selfishly yes, but helped her. Also, you could make the argument that he can change or that maybe he secretly cares about Charlie and the rest of the cast or that he is starting to, to which I say: I hope not/he doesn't. I hope not because evil characters should stay evil. Not every character needs to have a tragic backstory which we have not seen a hint of when they did Alastor's flashback with Rosie. I'm not counting the fan song 'Upside Down', even though it would be cool if it was real because it is not canon. We didn't get one with Vox, so we shouldn't get one with Alastor even if he has a strong fanbase. When I say he doesn't care about the other characters, I mean that we have no evidence to support otherwise. He has been incredibly selfish, he doesn't everything for his own gain and he even was willing to let Hell be destroyed just to wait and watch Rosie cave to make a deal with him. Oh how the tables had turned. He played the long game with everyone and managed to win. I like that. He's smart, he's coniving. He doesn't need to be redeemed. In fact, no matter how much I love Alastor, I can even see him being killed off as the final boss of the show. Will fans be mad? Yes. Will I be mad? Yes. Will I see it as a necessary death to save everyone? Yes. Will I stop watching the show? No. Will a lot of people drop the show? Probably. Will Viv kill Alastor off? Probably not, but if it were my show, I probably would because Alastor is pure evil incarnate and nothing says 'So you thought you could play us all?' than killing off the main bad guy everyone loves in an epic show down. It would be brutal, sad, insane and terrifying. It would be glorious. But I'm a sick fuck like that. Or another way I would like it to go down is Alastor losing his powers. Being a helpless demon who can't do anything, stripped of his powers and when Charlie tries to help, tries to reach out and say he can stay at the hotel to be redeemed...he leaves. He says, "Fuck you. Fuck this hotel. I'm leaving and I'm going to get my revenge and figure this out on my own."

It's not to say that Alastor didn't earn his status as the Radio Demon in Hell on his own. He had to kill people, become a legend and an Overlord on his own. However being the strongest in Hell? That was all Rosie. So if his powers were taken away, he would have to start from scratch and get eaten alive in Hell. So it would be interesting if we saw at the end of Season 3 (because there is a Season 4 and I doubt it would happen in Season 3) Alastor does something that is a bit extreme now that he has all this new power and frankly, an ego boost, and decides to do something even crazier than Vox. Then everyone destroys him, his power is taken and he rejects the idea of being redeemed and decides to become powerful all on his own without anyones help. Vox came down without any help so now Alastor is getting a taste of his own medicine in a way. Maybe he'll even team up with the other Vee's. Anyway that's just a little theory/prediction. Who knows. It would be cool though.

As always, thank you so much for making it to the bottom of the lake if you read this all. I really appreciate it! Thanks!

[bottomofthelayke]

Why Valentino is a Good Character

Spoilers for Hazbin Hotel

Valentino from Hazbin Hotel is easily one of, if not, the worst character in the Hellaverse series ACCORDING to fans. However I actually really like him. Not because I condone his actions in the show which we all know. Valentino is a pimp who is the Overlord of the adult entertainment industry. Now, because of this he has a lot of influence is the world of sex and we all know that sex, power and money make the world go round so you can argue that Valentino is very powerful. He's one of the Vee's which we did learn by Season 2 how much influence the Vee's truly have over Hell. Vox, Valentino and Velvette are seen as powerful however they are also seen as full of themselves as Carmilla mentions at the Overlord meeting in Season 1 and it's clear by their cocky attitude the case. It isn't until Season 2 that we even begin to see their personalities fleshed out. We see more of that on the Vee's website and through their personal hiring phone number that the creator gives us.

Let's move onto Valentino personally and his relationship with other characters, specifically the one we all know the most, Angel Dust. Now I'm only going to touch on what the show has told us about their relationship, nothing outside of it. Angel Dust (Anthony) made a contract with Valentino to become a porn star and be pimped out. This is very self explanatory throughout the show. We also see the abuse that Angel goes through at Valentino's hand. He is slapped around, picked up, thrown, screamed at, threatened and sexually taken advantage of. We are shown through the musical number Poison that Angel is using his humor to mask how Valentino treats him behind the scenes. He is treated like nothing but an object to make money and to use his body whenever Valentino wants.

Now we move onto Valentino's second important relationship and arguably his most important: Vox. Vox is the leader of the Vee's and he is the one who comes up with the plan to take over Heaven and have the demons rise up against the injustice that they've felt over the years (more so for his personal gain, but we're focusing on Valentino right now). Vox and Valentino have the kind of relationship where they are coworkers, lovers and friends. We see in the show that Vox clearly see's him more as a coworker that he occassionally fucks and needs him for his influence in media. Eventually when he stops needing him as he grows more powerful he easily disgards him. On the Vee's website we can clearly hear during Valentino's drawing lesson the two talking and when Vox asks what Valentino wants to eat, Valentino clearly is more into the conversation than Vox is. Vox treats him almost like a reluctant friend he has to put up with for the bigger picture, a coworker he needs to get along with in the long run or like a friends with benefits. Someone he can go to when he's excited and then control when needed. He doesn't see Valentino as a lover like Valentino see's him.

The third relationship I will talk about is his friendship with Velvette and she is a genuine friend of his. They call each other, they laugh, they agree with each other and they call each other by pet names. They are the kind of friends that stick with each other through thick and thin. They are heard on a phone call together during Valentino's drawing lesson on the Vee's website. They are also the ones who lean on each other as Vox slowly grows power hungry during Season 2. Towards the end of Season 2 during the song When I Think About The Future Valentino sings about Vox and how he feels discarded. He sings that Vox is leaving him behind now that he's rose to power, but he's also trying to rationalize it, that maybe it's all in his head. Then Velvette comes in and straight up tells Valentino that Vox has been treating them like dirt and Valentino agrees instantly. It's as if he needed his beest friend to come in and give him the reality check he needed. Yes, Vox is being an asshole and yes, your feelings are valid. So she says that he will regret this, but if they can help rise to power one last time then hopefully he'll become who he was again so they decide to help once more even though we all know what happens next. Which leads to the last part of this.

At the end of Season 2 Vox looses. He has become the most powerful demon in Hell and after his epic fight scene with Alastor it is not Alastor who delivers the final blow. It's not Nifty (like with Adam last season) and it's not Charlie. It's actually Valentino himself. Velvette kicks Vox off the device that is going to destroy Heaven and Valentino is finally over everything that has happened. As Vox goes on his monologue on how things aren't over yet (when they totally are) Valentino grabs Vox and says, "You are NOT fucking killing us over that stupid deer!" Then he rips off Vox's head and him and Velvette take just Vox's TV head and head back to Vee Tower. He could have left him, but he still chose to take him back.

Then right before everyone goes back to the hotel we see Angel Dust go to Valentino. After literally everyone saving Hell. After Angel Dust and Valentino (sort of) working together to save their home, Angel Dust still has to go back to Valentino because of the contract. Because in the end he still belongs to Valentino and judging by the way Valentino looked at him, it was obvious he knew that Angel would come back despite such a near catastrophic event just occured. It didn't matter in Valentino's eyes when it came to Angel because to him, Angel Dust is nothing more than a product. He's an accessory to his business that will always come to him as he said in some words during the fight when Husk and Cherri Bomb came to save Angel earlier in the season. It was a painful reminder of the sick and twisted dynamic the two share.

Why does any of this matter? Why did I just basically recap the entirity of Hazbin Hotel and part of the little extra's that Viv has given us all centered around Val? I did it because Valentino is seen as a horrible character who is irredeemable because of the things he does to one person in the entire show. Valentino is treating Angel how Vox is treating him. Not to mention in his line of work he doesn't need to get attached to anyone or anything. Angel came to him to me a deal (why we don't know), so why should he care what happens to him? The one person that Valentino genuinely loved, didn't care for him and it is shown even more so. I have a sneaking suspicion that in the next season, Angel will be getting treated even worse now that Vox is the way he is, because now Valentino knows that Vox never truly cared about. Who Vox really cared about Alastor. Hate is the opposite of love and Vox never loved Valentino, but he definitely hated Alastor so all his attention went to 'that stupid deer' and nothing was left for Val. The person who actually cared for him was Velvette so now they only have each other to lean on, but Valentino couldn't just have let the man he loved go. He's too sentimental for that in his own fucked up and toxic way so he took part of Vox with him.

I also want to go over the fact that despite the fact that Valentino has done the things he has done to Angel that is all that we have seen him do. He is not Vox level. He is not Alastor level. Valentino is in the category of being an antogonist. He is NOT a villain. Let's break this down.

Antagonist: a person who actively opposes or is hostile to someone or something.

That would mean that Valentino is hostile to Angel. That being one person. He is actively horrible to one person, not many people and not the main character, which brings to what a true villain is.

Villain: a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.

Is Valentino bad? Yes. However, do his actions impact the plot and do they stop the story from going forward or do they just impact one individual? It is just the latter. Not to mention that typically, the villain's usually only stand in the way of the main characters/heroes and the hero of Hazbin Hotel is Charlie herself. That would mean that in Season 1 that was more Adam and in Season 2 it was definitely Vox. Valentino though, is not a central figure to the plot, he is more a side character to the Vee's and was pushed aside a lot and was openly acknowledged by Vox himself that he didn't need him or Velvette to take over Heaven. Not to mention that all Valentino does is treat Angel as an object. In Season 1 we see him lick Charlie's arm as a 'hello' (I'll just call it that), but we know he can't have physically hurt her due to her being the princess which is why he got Angel to kick her out of the studio. Again, he treats Angel as crap and yes some of his other employee's at time, but Angel get's the brunt of it.

Again, why does this matter? Why am I saying that Valentino is a great character? It's not the character himself in the show that I like. It's that he is well written that I like. Joel Perez plays him fantastically to the point that some fans have actively sent Joel death threats to him. Now that is where a line should be drawn. When someone cannot see the difference between fiction and the person behind the character is when a big problem has risen. Joel is an actor and should be treated as such. He is amazing at the role. He is able to bring Valentino to life and is so good at it that fans genuinely see him as Val. It's not okay that this is happening, but it's a testimate to how good of an actor he is. These type of 'fans' are childish and idiots, but it genuinely shows that Joel is great at what he does. His lines hit at the right times, he shows emotion in every scene he does comedic or serious, and he's able to sing which I didn't know until Season 2 and I hope he does more of come Season 3.

When it comes how the character is written himself, Viv did a great job writing him. He feels authentic in the way that Val is the type of person where you feel your skin crawl just by being around him. He smiles and you want to get away as fast as possible. He's gross, but charasmatic and lulls you into a false sense of security as he's able to get you to lower your guard. Valentino looks exactly like what he is and I appreciate his aesthetic weirdly. He does a great job at what he does. He's much more complex and fleshed out than I saw in Season 1, balancing that love for Vox and hatred for what he became later down the season. I could hear the crack in his voice when he yelled at him in that final scene, essentially telling him he didn't want to die (again) all because of Alastor. He was scared and it was clear, yet he couldn't leave Vox behind because it was the three of them always. Still despite that he wanted Angel with him. That was a punch to the gut for me because he still was as sinister of a snake as always. Valentino could switch to being as raw and honest as he was in that scene from two minutes ago to showing that sickening smile and knowing that his property will come running back to him. It was so devilish and yet almost satisfying to know that Valentino didn't change despite what happened. I appreciate when characters stay the same after major events like that. Sick to their core sort of thing.

This also goes down to another thing. Is Valentino redeemable? Yes. I think so. I say that because the theme of the show is that everyone is supposed to be redeemable. That is the point of Charlie's hotel. She believes that everyone who comes to Hell can be redeemed so if the worst of the worst can come in and go to Heaven why can't Valentino? He should get the same chance. I know it isn't like Sir Pentious and it won't be like Angel (please for the love of God let Angel be redeemed), but the show preaches that anyone can so if everyone has a chance than he should be able to. Will he? I don't know? Should he be given the chance? Yes. Will he take it? He mentioned he would like Heaven for all the wrong reasons so it would probably take a lot for him to get there, but it's possible. Apparently anyone can get there if they try hard enough. Maybe even Valentino.

I’ll add this too. I think people began to like him more in this season versus last season because he was more fleshed out. Because we got to see his journey with Vox. We got to see his comedic side too. People saw him humanized and that’s a big part of why people get attached to characters. Some of us went from “Oh I hate him because he does this…” to “Well he’s kind of hot and he’s funny and yeah he does bad things and I hate that but man I feel bad for him now…” Because he’s a well written villain and all it takes is ONE backstory. ONE behind the curtain story. ONE humanizing moment and then we start to sympathize with the ‘bad guy’ and we begin to understand them. However, if you truly have a strong emotional connection (whether that’s hatred or love) towards a character, THAT. IS. A. SIGN. OF. A. WELL. WRITTEN. CHARACTER.

But yeah. That's why I think he's a good character. I don't condone what he does in the show. I just think he's well written, well voiced, he has a really interesting and more fleshed out personality versus Season 1 and I appreciate him more now that he has more screen time. I think just saying over and over again that he sucks and not really talking about what makes him an interesting antagonist makes things less interesting.

Anyway that's all I have to say about that. Not sure if anyone read, but if you did thank you so much for reaching the bottom of the lake. Let me know if you want to see more of these. I will most likely do an Alastor post as well. Thanks!

[bottomofthelayke]

Wardrobe Malfunction

I think I've outgrown the tag.

I grew up celebrating two types of baby showers: boy and girl. Pink and blue. However, luckily for me, my parents didn't constantly pressure me or my siblings into the standard social roles of the two categories and we were free to explore our genders however we saw fit. I could play with stuffed animals just as much as I could play with Bakugan. I was able to dress up in a cape alongside a fairy wand. However growing up overalls were preferred over the dresses my mom made me wear. Her putting nail polish on me made me want to physically vomit and I hated when she made me try on the colors in the store. Caps were slowly becoming my style and keeping my hair not as long, but I didn't wear them as often as I liked. Hitting puberty had me try on lip gloss to which I did because every other middle school did and I wanted to be like them. Watermelon and strawberry tasted best so I got those. I pretended to love it. Puberty hit and not only did hoodies become a comfort staple of mine, but they also became the one way I thought I could hide my chest. It didn't work, but in my mind it felt good so I wore them even in the sweltering heat where I was sweating profusely and refused to take it off all so I could keep up the illusion that it made me look flat. It didn't.

The older I got the more complicated my mind grew. I always liked boys so that was obvious but then I developed crushes on girls so obviously I was gay. Surely that was the end of my story. Yet how can you like both genders? That wasn't allowed. I brought this up in passing to my step dad and he said it was just confusion and in style to feel this way so I didn't bring it up again. My family understood being gay, we have family and friends who are, but being both wasn't something they understood. The feelings grew and I wrestled with the idea of being either straight or gay because I couldn't be bisexual. That didn't exist. Finally in college I was able to experiment and understand my feelings were real and came out as bisexual. Easy.

It never is.

I met new people and throughout my next few years of dating I was able to learn a lot about myself. Pansexual was the next phase of my life. Attracted to everyone regardless of identity. Love is love. That made much more sense and instead of saying that I gave myself the umbrella term Queer and I felt much happier. Ever since I have kept that one solid. Now that I was locked in I thought that was the end, but something still didn't feel right. It was like a voice in my head was telling me everytime I was with someone new, "Have you told them who you really are yet? Do they know?" Even when I wasn't with someone I would walk around and think things that I had a feeling wasn't 'normal'. Or at least, what I didn't find to be normal.

I've always written in a journal since around fifth grade and I have multiple boxes full of journals in my closet. Each journal contains several entries of what I could only summarize as 'penis envy'. Growing up in an all girl household and with one turning out gay, and another queer (me) I wondered if something was wrong with me. Maybe I was wrong. Confused. I always wanted a brother so perhaps that was what was wrong. My parents never had us do anything stereotypical of being a girl except wear more feminine clothes at times and that's when I started to think about it. I always gravitated more towards the boy section. I always wanted to go over there. I wanted to wear boxers, suits, shirts that you would find in the boys section at stores. it felt right, but I was always supposed to shop in the woman's section, looking at bra's and underwear with my mom and having the stereotypical expereience of praying you don't run into anyone at school. Especially (god forbid) boys.

That's not to say I don't like the typical 'cute' stuff. There shouldn't be clothes that are divided by gender just as toys shouldn't be divided by gender either. Boys can play with dolls and girls can play with light sabers. Boys can wear princess shirts and girls can wear dinosaur shirts. I lost a signficant amount of wait due to a medical condition a few years back and when it happened it gave me the oppurtunity to try on skirts and stockings. I've worn them as a kid, but hadn't in years so I took the oppurtunity because everyone said I looked good so I tried it again. The feeling was mixed. I appreciated the praise and basked in it, but I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I wore it more for other people, not for myself. I had always had body issues with not just my weight, but also the fact that my chest looks the way it does as everyone points it out. I remember growing up staring at myself in the mirror after showers and praying that when the steam dissipated it would be a different me standing there. A smaller chest. A skinnier body. A less round face. Someone pretty.

I stared back with those same disappointed eyes and I would open the door and have to go back to face the day once more.

I compensated by eating more, developing an eating disorder I didn't face until I went to therapy and I still struggle with to this day. I did a lot of things when I was younger that I'm not proud of. I was dealing with a lot back then. Undiagnosed mental health problems, doing poorly in school at times, body image issues, mentally and physically hurting myself because I wanted to punish myself for all the things I felt I was doing wrong. I put the blame on myself for existing and despite wanting to end it I thought a worse punishment was to endure it and chip away at myself bit by bit, because I thought I deserved it. The more I did this the less my clothes started to fit because I was packing on the pounds with all the weight I was carrying. I began to assign names to every single little thing that I hated. Every comment that everyone ever called me drilled itself into my head until the labels stamped onto me.

Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Worthless. Ungrateful. Liar. Horrible. Broken. Lazy. Girl.

That last one got me bad.

My dad said I was too soft to be a boy. I thought so too. After all, boys work on cars and skateboard is what he said. In college I was able to meet someone who let me borrow his clothes and for the first time in a while I felt good. It didn't last long though. Wearing his oversized clothes that were about two sizes too big was a bit embarrassing and although the sentiment was nice, in the end I gave the clothes back. It wasn't until I left school that I went around with girls drinking and smoking more that I got comments like, "You're like a gentleman." I glowed. Despite liking being called male among groups and even online something was missing. I would be around guy friends and struggle with the idea of wondering if I wanted to be with them or actually be them. Then there was another topic altogether. Once I truly began to understand what transgender was, I knew I couldn't fully transition. I liked being called a boy, but I knew I wouldn't like it 24/7. Yet I didn't want to be called a girl. I also thought too hard about what it would be like to have male parts, something I at first thought was weird, but the more I talked about it with girls, they all assured me they thought about it too so I realized this was perfectly normal and chalked it up to pure curiosity. It wasn't until my therapist brought up the fact it shouldn't be an OCD thought process that I realized there might be more to it than I initially thought.

Then I was told about Gender Dysphoria. I would never want to transition fully, but the idea of being able to swap the parts on and off sounded just dandy to me. Still I knew that wasn't possible. Then I thought, "Despite leaning towards being masculine, I've always loved the idea of binding my chest and not looking like anything at all. It would be nice if people looked at me and saw me as nothing. Androgynous." To my surprise, there was a word for that. There was a word for everything and after going down the rabbit hole I began to explore forums and chat sites until I learned more and more about myself than I ever thought possible.

Nonbinary. Masucline lean. They/them pronouns. He/him pronouns combined with that. Nonbinary that is an umbrella term for a gender that falls outside the binary. It was me. I had a term that worked. I even learned about demi-boy which also sounded like me. However I felt nonbinary sounded a bit better, but demi-boy technically fit me to a T, however labels are however you want it to be, but the fact that there was a name for how I felt made me want to cry. It reminded me of when I was diagnosed with my mental helth conditions.

"I feel these types of ways. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel so alone and I think I'm going crazy."

"You're not crazy. In fact, you are completely normal. There are words for this. You aren't alone. Many people have this and trust me, you'll be okay. You don't have to explain anything. You'd be surprised to learn that in the time that humans have walked the Earth someone has experienced the same thing you have at least once."

Those were the words I heard back then and the words that echoed now in my head when I learned about all this now. I was seen. There were people out there with something that fit me. I didn't have to keep the label I was assigned at birth. Telling the world might come later, but right now I needed to tell myself now. Tell myself now that it's okay to love the parts of myself that I felt were beyond repair that weren't working well. The parts of myself that felt like they malfunctioned because the clothes I was given didn't fit.

I've been told, despite what I've seen at times, that everyone will love me 'regardless of what happens', but is that true? If I came out would they really? Would they understand? Accept me? Does it matter? But then there is the more important question:

Is being loved enough to stop the negativity in your head?

I don't know, but I want to say yes, but I really don't know. But it has to be. Not always. There are days when being loved isn't enough to fix what's inside. Days when the ghosts are louder. When your body doesn't listen. When your head lies to you. But being loved is what keeps you going through all of that. It's not the answer. It's the anchor. It won't make you perfect. It won't make you fearless. But it will mean you don't have to fall alone. And if all you do is breathe and let the ones who do love you in then that's not failing. Being loved doesn't mean you owe someone strength. It means you don't have to earn safety. Because you are enough.

I wish I could have told younger me that. I wish I could have told younger me a lot of things. I wish I had told them...or him...that they could have came out as queer a lot sooner. That they don't have to hurt themselves to feel something. That they don't have to listen to the voices in their head or around them. That they don't have to feel horrible all the time. It got better. Even if I'm still trying to completely reveal who I am to my family 100%...he'll get there.

Thank you for making it to the bottom of the lake and I hope you enjoyed reading all of this. Bonus points if you know where these panels are from. Have a great day!