I’m speaking out, as a kawaii ambassador and as a concerned member of the Lolita Fashion community, about my Anime Matsuri experience.
I will preface this by saying that I support the petition against John and Deneice Leigh and Anime Matsuri, and I signed it days ago. It’s important to remember, however, that although I am a kawaii ambassador, I am speaking only on my own behalf. My opinions do not necessarily reflect those of my fellow ambassadors, and I will do my best not to speak about anyone’s experience but my own.
When I was invited to attend Anime Matsuri, I was incredibly excited. I had heard whisperings about John Leigh from American friends, but he had always been kind and generous to me and my organization, and I wanted to support Misako Aoki and my fellow ambassadors in the exciting opportunity of our summit. Misako had been dreaming of bringing kawaii ambassadors around the world together since before Kiga, Nadine and I were appointed for Canada in 2013. I also wanted to make a decision for myself about the convention; despite complaints I had heard, so many of my Canadian friends were starting to attend every year. It seemed like such a dream of a fashion convention that I wanted to make my mind up for myself.
The summit itself was unfortunately not everything that I dreamed it to be, and I distinctly remember walking out of it exhausted and upset. Rewind to the Tuesday before Anime Matsuri: I was asked by one of my fellow ambassadors, who was asked by John, to put together profiles that would be used to select the American ambassador. This was a strange last minute undertaking for someone getting on a plane the next morning, but I managed to use my night to make sure they got done.
I was already concerned about this. It was so last minute: why were the profiles being compiled right before the con? Who would translate them into Japanese for Misako Aoki’s decision? Nonetheless, I got them submitted and trusted that they would be used, at the very least, adequately.
On Saturday afternoon, the ambassadors met with Misako one hour before the summit. We had all prepared small presentations about our individual countries, which we brought on flash drives. We talked a bit about the structure of the summit, and how it would work. At this point, I asked if the US Ambassador had been selected and if the profiles I sent had been used in the decision. It was then that I learned Misako was never sent the profiles by Anime Matsuri, and she did not know who had applied. This was less than one hour before the summit.
At that point, I became upset. I couldn’t fathom why I was asked to do all that work for nothing. I began to expect the worst: that I actually compiled those profiles for John’s decision, and that he planned to make that decision without Misako’s input.
I could have brought a tablet pre-loaded with the profiles for Misako if I had been savvy enough to expect this level of disorganization, but there was nothing I could do when I learned they were never shared with her.
Speaking of laptops, when we arrived at our panel room for the summit, there wasn’t one. We all brought flash drives under the expectation that we would be provided with the device we needed to stream those presentations; inevitably, the setup was stressful and disorganized. I have to nod to AM staff here (hardworking, lovely people) who fought to get us the AV we needed to get started.
We were unable to get started on time because we did not yet have a translator for Misako, and the decision of the US kawaii ambassador had not yet been made. When we were finally assigned a translator, we had to call John. There was no choice here. Misako didn’t have the information she needed to make the decision, and John was the one who had what we needed. When John arrived, Misako was finally shown the profiles, which we managed to pull up on a tablet one of the ambassadors happened to have with them. The translator had to last minute read the written portions of each application to Misako (and those were large written portions!) so we could come to a consensus on the ambassador. John asked each of us who we thought might be a good choice. Because I compiled the profiles I knew quite a bit about each applicant, so I put forth my opinion. Misako came forward as well, with candidates she liked.
Let’s stop for a second, because I need to be clear about one thing: Ann’s profile was fantastic, and we did like it — Misako, as well, did like it, and I think all of us would consider Ann a qualified candidate for kawaii ambassador.
That does not, however, excuse the worst moment of this experience for me: when other names were brought up as frontrunners for this position, John shot them down, and he shot them down hard. He said the point of this ambassador was to create wonderful events in partnership with Anime Matsuri. He said other US ambassadors could be chosen at later times, but this ambassador needed to be local, so he could work with them.
My jaw dropped when he said this. Even though I was supposed to be professional, I’m sure I became visibly upset. I just kept thinking to myself: why were these people even allowed to apply if they cannot be considered for this position? Why should they waste their time? Why should I waste my time creating their profiles? I have thought hard about the unfairness of this appointment, and I know who is to blame for that unfairness. Fortunately, he is no longer a JLA member — but I don’t think our work as a community stops there.
I love Ann, and I don’t want anyone to read this and think that I or any of my fellow ambassadors think she is unsuitable. She is a good choice, but this selection process was a farce and as an organization, the JLA must do better to avoid coercive deliberations like the one I was a part of. Because of how late the panel was and how quickly this decision had to be made, none of us were able to effectively argue about how unfair this was to other candidates. I regret not arguing harder, on principle.
During the panel, Misako mentioned that John helped her pick this ambassador and hinted at the possibility of more being appointed in the future. Following this scandal, I don’t know what will happen, but because of what I witnessed at the summit, and especially because of the inexcusable accounts of sexual harassment John engaged in, I am no longer willing to work with John and Deneice Leigh, and I have no desire to affiliate myself with Anime Matsuri ever again.
Many of the people this man made lewd, sexual comments to are my friends, whom I love and respect. John: as a powerful figure in the convention and Lolita Fashion events world, you exploited an imbalance of influence between yourself and these girls, and that is absolutely abhorrent. In your brief explanation, which you have now retracted, you criticized them for not telling you to stop making those comments at them. But what would that have accomplished?
They were not just your friends. They were your business partners. Some of them had money and product tangled into their relationships with you. There’s no room for sexually charged language in a business partnership, and it was your responsibility to understand that, not theirs to tell you to stop.
As for my feelings about the Japan Lolita Association: it’s complicated. Kawaii ambassadors have always worked as unsponsored individuals, and we’re capable of moving forward on our own, continuing to create events within our communities, promoting Lolita Fashion locally and abroad. I personally feel, however, that the JLA has a responsibility to address the John Leigh situation publicly, as an organization that represents unity between world communities. The voices of Lolitas worldwide are calling out to you. I support them. I am one of them.
